's MindSay Blog

Inside the Matrix

raien — 2003-11-08T10:11:00-05:00

I saw the Matrix last night. It blew my mind. The philosophy behind the theory is incredibly deep. Are we all drones, controlled by a hidden force? Are the choices we make really our own? What if the Matrix isn't far off the mark? It almost seems feasible. A world inside a world. What is life? Can anyone define life? Is a life that isn't your own still considered living? Are we alive? And when we die, where do we go?

Blah blah blah

raien — 2003-11-10T08:11:00-05:00

Before I die, my goal is to make a great contribution to literature. I want to write something really profound, something that will turn the world upside down. I'll go down as the next Mark Twain or e.e. cummings or Leo Tolstoy or Nathaniel Hawthorne.

Abstinence

raien — 2003-11-17T09:11:00-05:00

Some girl gave a speech in my english class about abstinence today. She was talking about how important it is to wait until marriage to have sex and how she is worth waiting for. I mean...I didn't even see her point...sex is fun... She must not have any sexual drive. I mean my friends and I, well, I think all of our drive is sexual. Thats just what makes us tick. And it's definately not a bad thing. Not at all. I love my friends. We're all fabulous and so open and just...fun. I don't think I've ever been with such a fun group of people before. Muah! I love my friends so much! They keep me alive! But yeah... I've been celibate for a month... hopefully that will end on friday... hopefully. We'll see.
raisebloodyhell (9:37:10 PM): Whitney, I would do anything you wanted me to. You sexy, marvelous ball of fuckity.
I see the light!
~Wit

Hell

raien — 2003-11-19T07:11:00-05:00

Today was hell. I had an AP Chem test, then an Algebra II test. Ugh. My two hardest classes. Then I had to give a speech in English, but of course, I enjoyed that, being the avid public speaker that I am. Then I figured I'd sleep in creative writing, but we had a sub, so she gave us tons of work. And tomorrow I have an AP chem lab and an AP Euro test. I am 15 I am too young to die! Ha and of course we got our report cards today. My damn GPA has dropped from a 4.2 to a 4.0... It sucks. Ah well. I should probably study for my AP Euro test even though I'm going to fail anyway... ::Sigh::
I've come undone and all hopes of mending me are gone because the pain took my soul. Can't you see? The only one who can put me back together again is me.

Obsession

raien — 2003-11-20T03:11:00-05:00

I'm rocking out to some Godsmack. Good times. Today was ok. We did a lab in chem, and it was actually a fun lab, so that was cool. But I know I failed the AP Euro test, though. Theatre was ok, but we were listening to dialogues and I wasn't overly impressed with sitting still for 90 minutes. French was cool. "Speaking French is like wiping your ass with silk." Jen and I got to present our dialogue. It was a perfect example of absurdist theatre. (Tu es une plante! Je sais! Tu ne peux pas manger! Oui, je peux! Tais-toi!) But yeah I have to make a decision and soon or I won't have an option. Ah why must love be so complicated? Why must life be so complicated? Yeah well I don't know if I'm going to the show on Friday. Jen and I might go shopping. And I won't be here over break. I'm going to Oklahoma to visit my Dad's side of the family. And I finally found a comforter and sheets for my bed. I think I might get a different bed than the one I was going to get, though, because the bed is too modern for how the rest of the room is going to look. But yeah, my room should be completely redone by Christmas. It's going to be sooo hot.

It's going to be Whitney's Room of Love. No kidding.
-Whit (aka the SEX GODDESS)

Time for Vacation

raien — 2003-11-21T03:11:00-05:00

No school for nine days. Thank God. Of course my teachers gave me too much homework, but hey, what are you gonna do. Mmmm. I'm eating a pickle. No, I'm sucking on a pickle. I'm giving it head. It's a big pickle. Hmm I can fit it all in my mouth. Hot. Ha that just gave me a great idea...
10 Reasons why pickles are better than men:
1. A pickle doesn't have annoying ex-girlfriends.
2. A pickle is always hard.
3. A pickle doesn't whine.
4. You can bite a pickle as hard as you want and it won't care.
5. A pickle won't jizz in your mouth.
6. A pickle doesn't care if you gain 5 pounds.
7. A pickle can be eaten on a sandwich.
8. You don't have to worry about your parents catching you with a pickle in a mouth.
9. You can have as many pickles as you want, you can even have multiple pickles at one time.
10. A pickle doesn't burp.
Ha ha ha ha. I'm quite proud of that list, thank you very much. Well I'm off to go give my pickle some more oral pleasure. I may or may not go to the show tonight. I dunno, I'm just kinda not in the mood...we'll see.
-Whit

Stuck in OK

raien — 2003-11-23T07:11:00-05:00

I'm in Oklahoma. I'm dying. I am the most sexually frustrated person in the entire world. It's terrible. And I'm in total denial of my feelings for a certain person. But I won't mention his name here because if I do, it will be admitting that I was wrong and that I have reached an all-time high level of stupidity. It will also be admitting that I'm a coward. So we'll see how I fix this mess I have gotten myself into. But yeah...I'll be home on Friday...time for dinner...beans and barbeque. ::Shudder:: I guess I'll have salad.
~Wit

Still in OK

raien — 2003-11-26T07:11:00-05:00

I'm still in OK of course. My dad is driving me nuts. He constantly critisizes everyone, nitpicks at my aunt and cousins, picks fights with me, etc. etc. etc. But yeah. I think he hates me. I like hanging with my cousin though. We had this discussion on sex yesturday that lasted until like 3:00 in the morning. It's cool because I don't have an older sister or anything like that. But I miss all my friends sooo much. I haven't done any of my homework yet. Which is bad because I have a ton. Ah well. I will probably finish it late on Sunday. Or I could do it on the plane. Yeah my Aunt doesn't have a scale and I'm getting neurotic because I have no idea how much weight I've gained. Ah well.
(I stole this from Katie and I'm doing it because I'm very bored.)
1. Pierce your nose or tongue?: Want to get both
2. Be serious or be funny? Funny
3. Boxers or briefs? uh...thongs
4. Whole or skim milk? I don't like milk
5. Single or Taken? single
6. Simple or complicated? Oh God I'm complicated
7. Law or anarchy? Anarchy is possible only in theory
8. Flowers or angels? Flowers...roses...I love roses
9. Grey or gray? gray
10. Read or write? Both...I love reading, I love writing
11. Color or black-and-white photos? It depends...black and white can really make a photo intense
12. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset...lying on the beach...in the arms of...whooo getting carried away there
13. M&M's or Skittles? Eh...Mint peppermint patties!
14. Rap or rock? Rock all the way
15. Stay up late or wake up late? Stay up...all night long
16. TV or Radio? I dunno...hmm...AIM is kick ass, I spend the most time on the internet
17. Is it POP or SODA: Soda...hillbillies call it "pop"...no offense to hillbillies
18. X or O in Tic-tac-toe? X
20. Eat an apple or an orange? Orange...apples hurt my teeth
21. What came first the chicken or the egg? Egg...I don't feel like typing out my reasoning...and believe me I have reasoning
22. Hot or Cold? hmm hot
24. Tall members of the opposite sex or short? Tall...I'm tall and I like my men taller than me
25. Sun or moon? The moon...
26. Emerald or ruby? Ruby...it's my birthstone...red is sexy
28. Left or right? Uhh...I'm right handed...
29. 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? Several best friends
30. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Mint chocolate chip ice cream...I mean honestly, it has no competition
31. High or Drunk? I don't like not being in control
32. Green beans or carrots? Green beans
33. Low fat or fat free? Fat free
34. What is your biggest fear in the world? Being a failure
36. Kids or no kids? Oh God no kids...
37. Cat or dog? Cat
38. Half empty or half full? Uhhh empty...I drank it all
39. Mustard or ketchup? Mustard! I love mustard! No calories!
40. Hard cover books or soft cover books? Usually soft because they're not as heavy but leather bound is hot
41. Newspaper or magazine? Magazine
42. Sandals or sneakers? Chucks...always
43. Wonder or amazement? Wonder
44. Red car or white car? Red...red is hot
45. Happy and poor or sad and rich? Hapy and poor
46. Singing or dancing? Singing while dancing....in the shower...naked...water dripping down by body...who geting carried away again
47. Hugging or Kissing? Kissing...making out
48. Corduroy or plaid? Oooh I love plaid
49. Happy or sad? Happy :)
50. Purple or green? Purple
51. A year of hot sex or a lifetime of friendship? That's not a good question to ask me right now because I'm currently the most sexually frustrated person in the world.
TELL US ABOUT YOU
What time is it? 2:09 pm
*Name*: Whitney Carol M Hoot
*Nicknames*: Wit, Whit, The Whit, Sex Goddess, Whore, Boot
*Parent's names*: Lynne and Jerry
*Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake*: 15
*Date that you regularly blow them out (birthday):* July 1
*Pets*: 1 cat, 1 fish, 1 rabbit
Height*: 5'7ish...maybe a little taller
*Eye color*: brown
*Hair Color*: Light brown
*Piercing*: Ears, but will get more
HAVE YOU EVER...?
*Had the drink Calypso Breeze*? No...but I should
*Been in love*? Yes but I'm a dumbass so I didn't know it
*Been toilet-papering*? No...it's a waste of trees and its littering!
*Loved somebody so much it makes you cry*? Yes
THE FUTURE:
*School*: Columbia University! If not, I'll go to NYU
*Where You Want To Live*: New York City
*How Many Kids You Want*: Zero
*Girl names*: (Hypothetically, because I'm not having kids)Jade, Taylor
*Boy names*: Bridger, Bay, Michael
*What Kind Of Job You Want*: A journalist for National Geographic and when I have money I'll retire to be a novelist and a poet
*You Want To Get Married*: No
WHO:
*Makes You Laugh The Most*: Jen
*Do You Go To For Advice or To talk About Things*: Erin, Rachel, Katie, Jen, Emily, Matt, Mark
*Who Do You Hate*: I don't hate anyone...but I dislike George Bush with a fiery passion :)
*Knows The Most About You*: Erin
*Is Your Best Friend* I have a couple
*Has It Easier, Guys Or Girls*: Guys
WHICH ONE?
*Croutons or Bacon Bits*: Croutons
*2 doors or 4 (on a car)*: It depends on the car
*Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper*: Diet Dr Pepper
*Coffee or Ice-cream*: God my two loves...coffee ice cream :)
*Shampoo or Conditioner*: Anything Herbal Essence...yummy smelling
*Bridges or Tunnels*: Bridges
*One pillow or two*: Two
*Adidas or Nike*: Well Nike bought Coverse which has Chucks...
*Nike or Reebok*: Nike
*Adidas or Reebok*: Adidas
WORD ASSOCIATION (FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND)
*Rock*: Music
*Green*: Grass
*Wet*: Uhh...tee hee...I won't delve into detail :)
*Cry*: Broken hearts
*Peanut Butter*: And jelly
FAVORITES:
*Salad Dressing*: Ooh...I like lots...Fat free honey mustard, fat free italian, fat free raspberry vinegarette
*Color of socks*: Lots of crazy socks
*Memory*: I don't know
*toothpaste*: Crest plus Scope
*Food*: Pizza
*Song at the moment*: American Hi-Fi - The Breakup Song
*TV show*: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
*Subject in School*: Creative Writing
*Flower*: Roses...I love roses
*Color*: Red
*NON-ALOHOLIC DRINK*: Diet Mountain Dew Code Red
*Sport to Watch*: Equestrian sports...especially 3 Day Eventing
*Country Song*: Faith Hill - Breathe
*Sesame Street Character*: Oscar!
*Disney Character*: Jack Sparrow
*Warner Brothers*: Sylvester (hey but the best character ever is Jack Skellington)
RANDOM QUESTIONS
*When was your last hospital check in*: Birth
*Do You Drink*: Rarely
*How many times did you fail your permit and Drivers License
Test?*: Haven't taken it yet
*Where do you see your self in 10 years?*: In some third world country writing about poverty and life
*Who is the last person that you got mail from before
this one*? Uhh I have no idea
*Have you ever been convicted of a crime*? No
*Which single store would you choose to max your credit card*? Hot Topic
*What type of car you drive now*? No car :(
*What do you do most often when you are bored*? Do quizzes online, play dumb games, tlk to my friends on AIM
*Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away from you: Becky (England)
*Are You In A Gang Or Club*: EPC...lol guys
*Motorcycles*: Eh
*What Is Your Favorite Kind Of Clothes*: Black :)
*Are You Close Minded*: No
*Are You Open Minded*: Yes
*Are You A Player*: Of course not!
*Can u be in love w/2 people at the same time*? Tragically...yes
*Bedtime*: Uhh whenever I want
*Humiliating Moment*: Lots
*What time is it now*: 2:35 pm

Happy Thanksgiving

raien — 2003-11-27T07:11:00-05:00

I'm stuffed. I will never eat again. Ooh my pants feel too tight. Lol. No I really din't eat that much. But my aunt is a really good cook. Anyways. Of course, I think Thanksgiving is kind of ironic because the pilgrims sat down with the Indians and ate all their food then they gave them diseases, drove them off their lands, and murdered them. God I love people. Oh well. People keep asking me what I think about this Michael Jackson thing. I don't think he's a bad man. I think Saddam Hussein is a bad man. I think Fidel Castro is a bad man. I think Adolf Hitler was a bad man. But I do not think Michael Jackson is a bad man. I think he is a troubled man. I think he is a misguided man. But I do not believe he molested that boy. He has been in the spotlight since he was 5 years old, he has never lived a life outside the public eye. I believe him to be a product of society. He's strange, but not a child molester. There's my opinion. Anyways. I saw Scary Movie 3 last night. It was hilarious. I went with my brother and cousin. I'm knitting a scarf. It's about, oh I dont know, maybe 3 feet long right now. I started it on Tuesday. Alright well I've gotta go...Peace out.
~.W.I.T.~

Home

raien — 2003-11-29T12:11:00-05:00

Ello ello ello. I am home, back in the wonderful state of Maryland. I had to get up this morning, go to the post office, and mail a letter that has to arrive by Monday, so I did not get my usual amount of Saturday sleep. Poo. But yeah I have sooo much crap to do today. I have to do my homework, work on my scholarship stuff, finish some entries for writing contests, clean my room, etc. etc. etc. Ooh and I need to find time to squeeze in a shower too. Me stinky. But yeah...oh and I have decided that all prejudice ignorant people should have every single hair on their body plucked with tweezers and then their entrails should be pulled out slowly through a slit in their abdomen before they are burned to death. Thank you.
-Whit

Long Survey

raien — 2003-11-29T12:11:00-05:00

Start it off...

First name? Whitney
Eye color? Green
State? Maryland
Boys name? Carter
Girls name? Taylor
Mall? Arundel Mills
Video game? The Sims
Shampoo? Herbal Essence
Board game? Twister
Computer game? Fishie
Car? Mitsubishi Eclipse
Music video? Uhhh i dunno
Do you wear glasses or contacts? No
Swear word? Damn
Word? Hypocritical
Month? October
Cartoon character? Jack Skellington
Scary movie? The Ring
Team? Uhh...
Possession? My cat
This or That

Rock or rap? Rock
Rock or pop? Rock
Do you have braces? Yes
Rock or r&b? Rock
Rock or metal? Rock
Rap or pop? Rap
Rap or r&b? Rap
Rap or metal? Metal
Pop or r&b? R&b
Pop or metal? Metal
R&b or metal? Metal
Linkin park or limp bizkit? Linkin Park
Tool or korn? Tool
Is your hair long or short? Longish
Selena or jennifer lopez? Uhhhh...JLo is a good actress
Hot or cold? Frigid
Winter or summer? Winter
Spring or fall? Fall
Shakira or britney? shakira
Icp or eminem? Neither
Marilyn manson or rob zombie? Rob Zombie
Kittie or garbage? Neither
Mtv or vh1? mtv
Buffy or angel? Angel
Where were you born? Annapolis
Dawson's creek or gilmore girls? Dawson's Creek...I cannot believe its over...and they killed Jill!
Football or basketball? Ugh
Summer olympics or winter olympics? I dunno
Skiing or snowboarding? Skiing
Rollerblading or skateboarding? Neither
Black or white? Black
Orange or red? Red
Yellow or green? Green
Purple or pink? Purple
Slipknot or mudvayne? Slipknot
Current location? Edgewater
Hot topic or pac sun? Hot Topic
Inside or outside? Outside
Weed or alcohol? Alcohol
Cell phone or pager? Cell phone
Pen or pencil? Pencil
Powerpuff girls or charlie's angels? Charlie's Angels
Scooby doo or dino? Neither
Dragon ball z or pokemon? Neither
Star wars or star trek? Star Wars
Tattoos or piercings? Both
Zodiac sign? Cancer
Prep or punk? Punk
Slut or whore? Slut
Private Life

Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? No
Do you have a crush? Uhhh its not like that
Do you love anyone right now? Yes
Have you ever been in love? Yes
How many people have you kissed? 10
Who was your first kiss? Mark
How many hearts of have you broken? Two
How many languages do you know? 1.5 lol...I'm learning French
How many people broke your heart? 1
Best quote to sum up love? You don't appreciate it until it's over.
So what is your bf/gf/crush like? Hot
Do you have a picture of him/her? Yes
Please post it if you do? Bite me
Do you have a picture of yourself? Yes
Please post it if you do? Uhhh
So moving along, do you smoke cigs? Never
Do you smoke weed? Never
Ever trip on acid? Never
Nationality? White
How about a little x? No
Crack, heroin, anything else? No
Beer good or beer bad? Good
Are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers? Hell yes
Do you like smirnoff ice? Yes
Prefer beer or liquor? Liquor
What kind of cigarettes do you smoke? None
Are you a virgin? No
If no, when was the last time you got some? ... I dunno...like a month...toooo long
Would you ever...

Bad habits? Cheating, being afraid
Bungee jump? Yes
Sky dive? Yes
Swim with dolphins? Yes
Scuba dive? Yes
Go rock climbing? Yes
Eat shit for $1,000,000? Depends...
Turn your back on your friends for personal gain? No
Steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend? No
Cross-dress? Yes
Lie to the police? Yes
Middle name? Carol
Piercings you have? 1 (both ears)
Run from the police? Yes
Lie to your parents? Yes
Walk up to a stranger and kiss them? Depends on the stranger
Be an exotic dancer? Yes
Walk out of a restaurant without paying? Nah
Streak? Yes
Friends

Best friends? Erin, Rachel, Jen, Emily, Mel, Mark
Known longest? Erin
Wish you talked to more? Erin
Piercings you want? Tongue, nose, eyebrow, bellybutton
Wish you saw more? Erin
How many friends do you think you have? A bunch
Who drives you insane after a while? Chris
Lose a good friend because you took it to the "next level"? God no...I almost did...but I didn't
Craziest? Mel
Loudest? Mel
Shyest? None of my friends are shy...but maybe Erin
Best hair? Jen
Can always make you laugh? Jen
Best eyes? Christina
Tattoos you have? None
Best body? Casey
Most athletic? Uhh I dunno
Sex symbol? Mel!!!
Hot tempered? Uhh...
Most impatient? I dunno
Shortest? Katie
Tallest? Mark
Talented? Jen
Best singer? Jen
Skinniest? Ed
Biggest boobs? Rachel
Tattoos you want? Ankh, my name in Chinese
Nicest? Emily
Best personality? Can't choose...
Biggest drug user? None
Have you ever

Flashed someone? Yes...like everyone
Told the person you liked how you felt? Yes
Been to michigan? No
Gotten really really wasted? Yes
Gone to jail or juvi? No
Skateboarded? No
Today's date? November 29, 2003
Skinny dipped? Oh God yes
Stolen anything? No
Wanted to kick my ass for making this so long? ::smile sweetly::
Kicked someone's ass? No
Pegged someone in the head with a snowball? Yes
Broke a beer bottle? No
Gotten into a bar, under-aged? No
Kissed someone of the same sex? Yes lol
Gone on a road trip? No
Gone on vacation without adult supervision? No
The time? 1:06 pm
Been to a concert? Yes
Been to another country? Yes
Talked back to an adult? Yes
Got pulled over? No
Got in a car accident? No
Broke a law? Yes
Given money to a homeless person? Yes
Tried to kill yourself? No
Cried to get out of trouble? Yes
Kissed a friend's brother or sister? No
Ready for a bunch more questions? Ugh...bite me
Kissed a brother or sister's friend? No
Dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it? I dunno....I don't think so
Opinions

What do you think about pop music? It sucks
About boy bands? Sucks
About flag burning? If done for the right reasons...
Of the war on terrorists? DAmn Bush to hell
About suicide? Stupid
About people who try to force their opinions on you? Can kiss my ass
About abortion? Very pro-choice
Family

About rock/metal music? Love love love
Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? In a third world country, reporting for National Geographic
Who do you think you'll still be friends within 5 years?? Erin, Rachel, Jen, Emily...
What did you do...

Last birthday? Nothing :( *tear
Yesterday? Flew back from OK
Last weekend? Flew to OK
Christmas? Stressed out
Thanksgiving? Pigged out, visited family in OK
New year's eve? Spent the evening with family...which blew
Mother's name? Lynne
Halloween? Stated at home...I was grounded
Valentine's day? I was single
Thing you ate? Pickle
Thing you drank? Diet Pepsi
Thing you wore? Satin pj pants
Place you went? Post office
Thing you got pierced/tattooed? Ears
Person you saw? Mom
Person you kissed? Mark
Person you fucKed? Casey
Father's name? Jerry
Person you talked to? Mel
Now

What are you eating? Nothing
What are you drinking? Nothing
What are you wearing? Pants and a t-shirt
Any shoes on? No
Hair? POnytail
Listening to? Nothing
Talking to anyone? On AIM...
Are you pissed i made this so long? Bite me
Last name? Hoot
Step-parent's names? None
Yes or No

Are you a vegetarian? Yes
Do you like cows? Yes
Are you a bitch? Not really
Do you write poetry? Yes
Are you a fast runner? Yes
Can you ski? Yes
Are you british? Yes
Do you want to spear britney? No
Do the voices talk to you? Uhhh..no comment
Brother(s)'s name(s)? James
Did you ever give barbie a haircut? Yes
Would you eat mac & cheese with hot dogs in it? No
Are you straight? Yes
Are you handicapped? No
Are you short? No
Are you tall? Yes
Do you own a hot pink shirt? No
How about orange pants? No
Can you see the flying monkeys? Only when I watch the Wizard of Oz...
Are you evil? No
Sister(s)'s name(s)? None
Did you ever know someone who had a mullet? Yes
Is britney a whore? I don't know and I don't care...I have no problem with whores anyway
Are you a teenage zombie? No
Am i annoying you? No
Do u like Marylin Manson? No
Are you secretly from another planet? No
Did you ever touch someone else's private parts? Yes
Do you shop at hot topic? Yes
Random

If you could be any animal, what would you be? Horse
Favorite aunt? Linda
If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what -would you eat? Lettuce
Do you remember any of your dreams? Yes
Do you dream in color or black and white? Color
Do you admit when you need help with a problem? No
Can people read you like a book? No
What's your biggest fear? Being a failure
Are you afraid of clowns? No
Do you like spiders? No
How about grape kool-aid? No
Can you drive? Yes...legally, no
Favorite uncle? Tommy
Are you spoiled? No
Are you anti-social? No
Do you see dumb people? Yes
Any last words? I hate ignorant people
Now that this is over, what are you going to do? Homework
Favorite grandparent? Grandpa Bert
Worst relative? Terri
Best relative? Ashley
Do you get along with your parents? Not with my Dad
Does anyone in your family understand you? Ashley
Nickname(s)? Whit, Wit, The Whit, Raien, Sex Goddess
Do you have any pets? Yes
What are their names? Skittles, Gemini, Scar
What kind of animals are they? Cat, rabbit, beta fish
School

Are you still in school? Yes
Did you drop out? No
Current gpa, or last gpa you got? 4.05
Favorite grade? 5th
Least favorite grade? 10th
Favorite teacher? Ms Davis
Gender? Female
Least favorite teacher? Mrs. Nicewitz
Favorite subjects? Creative writing, chem, theatre
Least favorite subject? Algebra II
Do/did you buy lunch or bring it? Neither
Play any sports on the school's team? No
Do/did you do any extracurricular ativities? Yes
Are/were you popular? I dunno
Favorite dance? Uhh
Favorite memory? Uhh
Least favorite dance? Uhh
Age? 15
Least favorite memory? Uhh
Most humiliating moment? Uhh
Favorites

Number? 7
Clothing brand? I dunno
Shoes? Chucks
Saying? Make love, not war
Tv show? Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
Sport? Equestrian
Vegetable? Lettuce
Birthday? July 1
Fruit? Strawberry
Movie? Nightmare before Christmas, Pirates of the Caribbean
Magazine? Seventeen
Actors? Johnny Depp
Actress? Angelina Jolie
Candy? Mint Peppermint Patties
Gum? Orbit Peppermint
Scent? Mint
Ice cream flavor? Mint Chocolate Chip
Color? Red
Height? 5'7
Season? Autumn
Holiday? Halloween
Band? Three Doors Down
Singer? Amy Lee
Group? Aerosmith
Rapper? None
Type of music? Rock
Thing in your room? My bed and sheets
Place to be? In bed...with someone
Radio station? 104.1
Hair color? Brown
Tv channel? MTV
Junk food? Ginger Snaps
Overall food? Pasta
Store? Hot Topic
Shoe brand? Converse
Fast food? None
Restaurant? TGI Fridays
Shape? Pentacle
Time of day? Night
Country? England

Another survey...I'm sooo bored

raien — 2003-11-29T01:11:00-05:00

Basics

Your gender? Female
Straight/gay/bi? Straight
Single? Yes
Want to be? No
Your birthday? July 1
Your age? 15
Age you act? I dunno
Age you wish you were? 20
Your height? 5'7"
The color of your eyes? Green
Happy with it? Yes
The color of your hair? Brown
Happy with it? Kinda
Left/right/ambidextrous? Right
Your family? Mom. dad, brother, cat
Have any pets? Yes
What's your job? Bar Whore
Piercings? Ears
Tattoos? No
Do you speak another language? Learning French
DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it

Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? Yes
Do you have any secrets? Yes
Do you hate yourself? Occassionally
Do you like your handwriting? Yes
Do you have any bad habits? Yes
What is the compliment you get most from people? I have nice eyes, I'm a sweetheart, I dunno
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? The Whit
What's your biggest fear? Failing
Are you a daredevil? Yes
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? Yes
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My body...ugh
Do you think you are emotionally strong? Mostly
Do you think life has been good so far? Yes
What do you like the most about your body? Eyes
Do you think you are good looking? No
Do you...

Smoke? No
Do drugs? No
Read the newspaper? No
Pray? Yes
Talk to strangers who IM you? Yes
Talk to people even though you hate them? I don't hate anyone
Drive? No
Like to drive fast? No
Have you ever...

Liked your voice? Yes
Hurt yourself? Yes
Been out of the country? Yes
Been in love? Yes
Done drugs? No
Gone skinny dipping? Yes
Had a surgery? No
Gotten beaten up? No
Beaten someone up? No
Been picked on? Yes
Been on stage? Yes
Slept outdoors? Yes
Thought about suicide? Yes
Pulled an allnighter? No
Gone one day without food? Yes
Slept all day? Yes
Killed someone? No
Thought you're going crazy? Yes
Been betrayed? Yes
Had a dream that came true? Yes
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? Yes
Been on radio/tv? No
Had a nervous breakdown? No
Bungee jumped? No
Had a dream that kept coming back? Yes
CLOTHES and other fashion junk

Shoe brand? Converse
Brand of clothing? I dunno
What are you normally wearing to school/work? Black
How about panties? Thongs
Favourite place to shop? Hot Topic
Would you rather wear a uniform to school? No

...l.o.s.t...

raien — 2003-11-29T08:11:00-05:00

What if I died tomorrow, would you miss me? Would silver tears fall down your cheeks? Would you wish it had been you? If I told you I was dying, would you listen? Would you listen to me dying, would you feel my pain? Would you try to comprehend what I was going through? If I had to go away, to leave and never return, how long would you mourn for me? Would you cry for a week then move on? Would you wear black for a month, then forget me? How important am I to you? Have I made an impression on your life? Would I be missed?

I love my Mark

raien — 2003-11-29T10:11:00-05:00

I love Mark. He is the coolest person ever. I've had the shittiest day and he totally made me feel good about myself. Earlier I called myself stupid and he said I was probably the smartest person he knows, and wise, not just book smart.
PunkyRockaChicka (10:15:26 PM): do i deserve him though?
Vaelroth (10:15:59 PM): you deserve who you want. its your choice not anyone elses.
PunkyRockaChicka (10:16:14 PM): i know but i think hes too good for me
Vaelroth (10:16:50 PM): he is too good for everyone but you.
PunkyRockaChicka (10:17:34 PM): i love you mark
Vaelroth (10:18:58 PM): you know its true
I <3 my Mark.
-Whit

I'm done

raien — 2003-11-30T12:11:00-05:00

I'm so sick of taking crap from other people and I'm just not going to deal with it anymore. If people aren't going to cooperate then I'm not going to waste my time and energy trying to make them happy. Because you know what? People like that never will be happy. They enjoy being depressed. So I'm just not going to deny them that pleasure.

Not such a great day

raien — 2003-12-01T08:12:00-05:00

Well Ed definately isn't speaking to me. It would suck if I lost him as a friend though, over something as stupid as this, because I honestly value his friendship a lot. Probably more than he realizes. But yeah, I really don't feel like taking shit from him, so if he's going to just waste my time, I'm going to wait until he's in a better mood before I try to talk to him. So yeah. Today sucked. I only finished like the first two paragraphs of my AP Euro essay so that's definately bad. And then my bus got in an accident so I didn't get home until like 3:00. Then I had a dentist appointment and had to get two cavities filled which sucked. Then I rode tonight and I rode really badly. I don't even know why. Ah well. But I am going back out with Casey. All is not lost. I haven't started any of my homework...oops. It's not like I'm doing badly in any of my classes. Well I hope not anyway. Eh. We'll see. But my Mom started reading my scholarship info tonight, so *hopefully* I can start working on that soon... Being able to go off to school next year would be fantastic.
~Whit

Yee haw!

raien — 2003-12-01T08:12:00-05:00

I'm gonna marry a cowboy one of these days. I just hafta find me a nice lookin, well mannered cowboy and lasso him in. Uh, but I have to learn how to use a lasso first. That's on my list of things to do, along with learning to brand a cow. Woo hoo! Any cowboys out there??
~Whit

Good Day

raien — 2003-12-02T08:12:00-05:00

Today was a pretty good day actually. I was worried about getting a bad grade on my chem homework, but Mr. Hoyle let everyone have an extra day on it which was really nice of him. I raised my Algebra II grade from a 71 to a 76, so that's better, even though it's really low for me. But my Dad helped me last night so I think I get what I'm doing now. English was ok, but I have an 86 in there which is horrible, because I've never had a B in English in my life. It's because the teacher gave me a 70 on an essay that I thought was really good and everyone else who read it agreed with me. Oh well. I can easily bring it up. Creative writing was sooo much fun. Emily, Jen, Chris Thorn, and I are all writing a One Act together. Wait, let me rephrase that, we were supposed to be writing a one act. We actually just messed around the whole period, stole Emily's Hershey's kisses, talked about my sheep hallucinations, discussed frumpiness, etc. Yeah, it will be the most random play ever. I didn't even have a ton of homework tonight, which was unusual, so I'm happy. Then Casey came over and he stayed for dinner. I think the rents like him. It seemed like they did at least. He's such a sweetie, and he's mine! Woo hoo! (Paws off!) Well I'm going to go clean out my desk because I promised Mom that I would. Then I'm going to go run for half an hour. Then I'll probably work on my scarf. I really want to finish knitting it by Friday so I can wear it to school. Woo, cheaning time.
.w.i.t.

Yesterday

raien — 2003-12-04T12:12:00-05:00

(I'm in Creative Writing class right now, I'm supposed to be typing up a play.) Yesturday was horrible. Well, on Tuesday, I made out with Chris Wetherington for like two seconds. Honestly, two seconds. And I totally didn't mean to cheat on Casey, I wasn't even thinking about what I was doing. So Christina tells Casey. But she says "Whitney and Chris were really going at it, Mark had to pull her off of him." Which is complete bullshit. Rachel calls me after school and tells me that Casey knows and that I should confess to him. So I call him, but I don't tell him. I dunno, it's just that usually when someone cheats on someone, they aren't overly willing to confess. I think he should have brought it up. But he didn't. And I gave him ample opportunity. I even said "You seem quiet today, is there something bothering you?" "Oh no, everythings cool." Yeah right. So then I get off the phone. Ten minutes later, Rachel calls me. "Whitney, you didn't tell him! He was trusting you to tell him!" Well in my opinion it's his responsibility to bring it up. If he doesn't have enough balls to confront me, why should I bother bringing it up?? So I called him up. And it went something like this.
"Casey, I know you know about what I did on Tuesday. I made out with Chris. And I'm really really sorry. It was a stupid thing to do. As hard as I try to be perfect, and only human, and I make mistakes. But I wish you had talked to me first. You call Rachel more than you call me. You never talk to me. You won't open up to me. (I can open up if you want me to.) I don't want you to open up to me because I want you to, I want you to open up to me because you want to! This is not a threesome. Rachel is not in this relationship. And there are some things I think should be kept within a relationship, especially until both people have discussed them. Am I not easy to talk to? (No.) ::pause, he is silent:: You just seem so emotionless. I mean, we've never had a meaningful conversation. What do you want? How do you feel? (I feel uncomfortable with the fact that you cheated on me.)Ok, well if you're not even going to bother making an effort, I have to go." End of conversation. He barely said two words. He said he was "uncomfortable" with me cheating on him. He shows nooo emotion. I wanted him to yell at me, I wanted him to at least show some sign of feeling. Right after we got off the phone, I called Rachel because she asked me to call her and tell her what happened. But guess what? Her line was busy. Casey had already called her. I talk "at" him for an hour, he says 10 words, then he calls Rachel and spills his heart. Maybe he should go out with her. Oh well.

no subject

raien — 2003-12-04T08:12:00-05:00

Bondage movie! You're into BSDM (Bondage &
Discipline, Dominance & Submission) and chances
are, you're fond of whips, chains, harnesses,
and tight leather outfits. You like to mix a
little pain with a LOT of pleasure, baby!

What kind of porno would you star in?
brought to you by Quizilla

SeX sUrVeY

raien — 2003-12-05T02:12:00-05:00

The SEX Survey
*About You*
Name: Wit
Age: 15
Gender: female
Sexuality: straight
How many people have you made out with?: 11
How far have you gone?: All the way babe
Are you a virgin?: No
How many partners have you had?: Not enough
How many times have you had sex?: Not enough
Have you ever participated in a sexual activity with more than one other person?: Yes :)
Have you ever participated in a sexual activity with more than two other people?: Yes :)
Have you ever participated in a sexual activity with one or more people of the same sex?: Yes :)
Have you ever participated in anal sex?: Nope
Have you ever participated in oral sex?: Ah...oui
Are you a whore/slut/etc.?: Yes Mommy
*Your Friends*
Which of your friends has the best body?: Casey, Mark, Mel
Which of your friends has the biggest breasts?: Rachel (no contest there, folks)
How many of your friends have you hooked up with, without dating them?: Uhh...all of them?
If you could fuck one of your friends, which one would it be?: Uhh...all of them?
Which of your friends is the most sexually driven?: Yeah. All of them.
Which of your friends is the least sexually driven?: Hah. None of them.
Which of your friends do you think would be wildest in bed?: Mel!
*Would you ever have sex...*
On a beach?: Yes
In a car?: Yes
In a bus?: Yes
In an airplane?: A private jet...but on a regular airplane it would have to be done in the bathroom and they're really timy...
In a bed?: Uhh...duh?
In a church?: Hell yes! I mean...God yes! Holy sex! In the Holy water!
In a chair?: Yes
In an elevator?: Dude yes...especially if there were cameras...
With your parents in the house?: Eh...
With your friends watching?: Yes :)
In front of a camera?: Of course
On stage?: Ha ha yep
For a porn shot/video?: You'll have to talk to my pimp about that one.
With handcuffs?: Ooh yes
With whips?: Hit me baby
With whipped cream and chocolate syrup?: Yum yum yum
With lots of leather?: Yeeees
With a muzzle?: Yea
*Favorites*
Place to have sex?: Anywhere
Lighting?: Pitch dark
Color?: Lots of red and black...velvet
Sexual song?: All of them
Sexual position?: All of them
Kinky item?: All of them
Sexual game?: Twister, Couch Twister, Chicken, etc.

No School

raien — 2003-12-05T09:12:00-05:00

School was cancelled today. We got almost no snow, though. We're supposedly going to get like 4 inches tonight though, but we'll see. I went shopping today. I got gifts for a lot of people, so I'm happy about that. And my mommy bought me some stuff, too. I got two pairs of $100 pin striped pants and a red sweater from Nordstroms. I tried to get her to buy me a pair of 7 jeans, but she said they were too expensive ($150). Oh, and I saw maggie and Katie in there, too. Then I got six pairs of underwear from Victoria's Secret, including red and green plaid ones and a black V-string with skiing girls wearing red santa suits on it. Then I got a pair of plaid Chucks. Very hot. Well, I ordered them because they didn't have my size, but they should be arriving in 7 days. Very exciting. Then I got toe socks from Weathervane and gloves from Sears that perfectly match the scarf I'm knitting. Well, I'm gonna go run. Good day. No trauma.

SNOW!!!

raien — 2003-12-06T12:12:00-05:00

Wooo!!! Snow!!! Yeah there's a lot of snow. Probably about 7 inches. We didn't go to the Synagogue this morning for the Bar Mitzvah, but we're still going to go to the party. It starts at 1:00, I think. I'm wearing my new pin-striped pants and a sweater from Nordstroms. I love that store.
W:I:T

no subject

raien — 2003-12-07T09:12:00-05:00

Sick

raien — 2003-12-07T09:12:00-05:00

I'm sick. Blah. I feel like shit. Today was crap.
Love,
The Poor Sick
wit

Betrayed

raien — 2003-12-08T11:12:00-05:00

You know what sucks? When someone who you love and who you thought loved you back betrays you. That's all I'm going to say.

Ello ello

raien — 2003-12-09T05:12:00-05:00

I haven't written a decent journal entry in a few days. I've been really busy. There was the Bar mitzvah on Saturday, shopping on Sunday, and filming yesterday. Jen, Emily, Chris Thorn and I all filmed a play yesterday for creative writing class. We wrote it too. It took 6 hours to film a 12 minute play lol. But it was sooo funny. But yeah...let me elaborate my journal entry for yesterday. It turns out, Rachel dated Casey before we hooked back up! And no one thought to tell me this! I wouldn't have been mad or anything, but I really would have appreciated knowing. Rachel said she was protecting me. Bullshit. She put him before me, a guy she's known for only a few months (may I add her best friends ex) above her best friend. I'm still in shock over that. I saw him today. At Battle of the Bands. I didn't get to stay for all of it, but I did get to see Thorn. Dude I now know why I'm Thorn's #1 groupie. They were soooo hot!! But yeah, so Casey was there. I hadn't seen him in a while. God he's beautiful. He's not just hot. He's beautiful. Like can't-tear-my-eyes-away beautiful. I was going to be mad at him for not telling me about Rachel, but I saw him, and I melted. God I need to control myself. Oh well. He drove me home. I guess that sometimes I act like I don't love him, but I do. There I said it. I am in love with Casey. Whoo. Ok. I'm out of the denial step...what's next?
(w)(i)(t)

no subject

raien — 2003-12-10T03:12:00-05:00

Thou shalt strike me and blind my wandering eyes. These eyes that dare glance upon another with as much fondness, or perhaps more, than what with I glance upon my lover, who is supposed to the be the sole target of my affections. These eyes move upon their own accord, dancing to thine face, without consulting morals. I cover my face in shame, wishing that I could resist these temptations that thou holds over my head. Until the day when I can reveal my desire, I shall avert my eyes and stare at you only in my dreams.

Destruction

raien — 2003-12-10T05:12:00-05:00

Corruption in this world continuously increases, will there be a breaking point? When will society reach the time when the situation cannot worsen? That, my friends, will be the end of the world. The day when no fresh babes take breath and the garden of Eden is dry and barren. Rivers will cry, their parched mouths chapped and dry, banks falling away. Rosebuds will drop off their slender stems and plummet to the earth, landing brown and brittle in the soil. There will be no food, the ozone will be full of gaping holes, and the population will be so large that even the deserts shall be overcrowded. That, my friend, will be our ultimatum.

*tear*

raien — 2003-12-11T03:12:00-05:00

Today has probably been one of the shittiest days of my life.
(I'm Punkyrockachicka, Rachel is ctlildramadork, Christina is stuffysnozz)
(10:46:50 PM) You have just entered room "Stuffysnozz41."
PunkyRockaChicka (10:46:54 PM): allo
(10:47:09 PM) ctlildramadork has entered the room.
Stuffysnozz (10:47:17 PM): you 2 are driving me nuts
(10:47:20 PM) ctlildramadork has left the room.
PunkyRockaChicka (10:47:24 PM): why
(10:48:20 PM) ctlildramadork has entered the room.
Stuffysnozz (10:48:30 PM): hi hi yah
PunkyRockaChicka (10:48:40 PM): so why are we driving you nuts
Stuffysnozz (10:48:43 PM): so you 2 have fallen in love with the same guy
PunkyRockaChicka (10:48:54 PM): ...
Stuffysnozz (10:48:54 PM): are you 2 aware of this
PunkyRockaChicka (10:49:16 PM): uh i wasnt
Stuffysnozz (10:49:41 PM): wit if you are righting anything i cant see it
PunkyRockaChicka (10:50:03 PM): can you see it now
Stuffysnozz (10:50:11 PM): yah i can now
PunkyRockaChicka (10:50:22 PM): ok
Stuffysnozz (10:51:10 PM): so wit can you honestly say you love him and that you arent just enfatuated with him
Stuffysnozz (10:51:32 PM): rachel same ? to you
PunkyRockaChicka (10:51:45 PM): so what do you want me to fucking break up with him? im sooo not in the mood for this dammit
Stuffysnozz (10:53:07 PM): i dont want anyone breaking up with anyone i just want you to to some how figure out how to make casey happy
Stuffysnozz (10:53:25 PM): i cant imagine how he feels
PunkyRockaChicka (10:53:48 PM): well if me breaking up with him is going to make him fucking happy then fine
Stuffysnozz (10:53:52 PM): he is has to choose between 2 people that are very close to him
PunkyRockaChicka (10:54:24 PM): does "whit had him long before anyone else" apply or "lets not put the fucking guy above the best friend" apply
Stuffysnozz (10:54:31 PM): i dont know what is going to make him happy
PunkyRockaChicka (10:54:31 PM): or are those rules being ignored
ctlildramadork (10:56:08 PM): whiteny stop i dont want him, and you fucking know that id never put a guy before you so just stop your shit Stuffysnozz (10:56:08 PM): well i dont know but..... somthing has to be done
ctlildramadork (10:56:25 PM): i nkow your going to be pissed at me for a while but if those are the stakes fine
ctlildramadork (10:56:33 PM): i have to say what i have to say
PunkyRockaChicka (10:56:41 PM): and im sorry that i fucked up rachel and caseys relationship but you know what if someone had fucking told me about it then maybe it wouldnt have happened
ctlildramadork (10:56:44 PM): and dont interuppt me
PunkyRockaChicka (10:57:02 PM): go ahead then
ctlildramadork (10:57:34 PM): i broke up with casey for you for a reason and ill be fucking damned if that is going to be ignored if i thought that he was worht more then our friendship dont you fucking think id still be with him
PunkyRockaChicka (10:57:54 PM): well wait didnt you just fucking say you dont want him
PunkyRockaChicka (10:57:59 PM): or is that bullshit too
ctlildramadork (10:58:02 PM): so dont even try to say that i put him before you... ever
PunkyRockaChicka (10:58:03 PM): im not a fucking idiot
PunkyRockaChicka (10:58:11 PM): thats bs rachel you fucking did
PunkyRockaChicka (10:58:16 PM): by not fucking telling me
PunkyRockaChicka (10:58:38 PM): i wouldent have fucking cared if you had just been at least considerate enough to god damn tell me
ctlildramadork (10:58:45 PM): i was trying to protect you wheather it was right to or not those were my intentions
PunkyRockaChicka (11:00:00 PM): so you fucking broke up with him for a reason? youre a saint now! you went out with him, broke up with him, all to protect me!
PunkyRockaChicka (11:00:11 PM): wel, you know what i dont need your fucking protection
PunkyRockaChicka (11:00:16 PM): i can take care of myself
ctlildramadork (11:00:52 PM): you know what find someone else to try to tell that lie to because im fucking done with it all of it
(11:00:58 PM) ctlildramadork has left the room.
PunkyRockaChicka (11:00:58 PM): do you consider me a weak person? did you think i couldnt handle the fact that you were dating him? bullshit
PunkyRockaChicka (11:01:20 PM): god damn it

That convo was from yesterday. So Rachel and I didn't speak today. She acts like she's a fucking saint and I'm the sinner, I should be down on my God damned knees kissing her feet because she "protected" me. That is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. She did it for her own selfish interests. And of course, the whole world knew except me. And Emily. Jen knew, Mark knew, Katie knew, Christina knew, everyone knew. Yet if Rachel was trying to protect me, wouldn't it have made more sense for her to not tell anyone, thus creating less chance for me to find out? But she doesn't give a damn about me. I would never ever ever date one of her ex-boyfriends. Ever. Yet she doesn't seem to think twice about doing that to me. She always says "I would never put a guy before you." Bullshit bullshit bullshit. And the fact that none of my friends told me because they were afraid Rachel would be mad at them, that's just as bad. None of them cared about my feelings because they wouldn't hurt hers. I'm so glad I'm loved. The only person who told me is Melissa. And I didn't believe her, I thought maybe she was mistaken, because, I mean, Rachel was my best friend she would NEVER betray me like that right? Wrong. And Em didn't know. Wow, I have two friends left, fantastic. Well I called Casey. I had a very one sided argument. He didn't say much. I told him he had to make a choice, that I wouldn't hold a grudge if he chose her. Honestly, I would never stand in the way of someone's happiness. If Casey would be happier with Rachel, then he should be with her. Life is such shit. And why is Rachel mad at me? What exactly was it that I fucking did wrong? Wait, I know, I fucked up her relationship with Casey and I went out with her ex-boyfriend. Well if someoned had bothered to TELL ME then that never would have happened. Of course, she went out with my ex-boyfriend, but she should be thanked. And she protected me! And she even broke up with him for me. Wel you know what, fuck her and her selfassumed position of God. She can just get out of my life if she has such a desire to fuck it up.

no subject

raien — 2003-12-11T09:12:00-05:00

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name
Age
favorite song
Parents think You're sleeping around
Strangers think You're smart
Friends think You're wonderful
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Wow sooo true.

Poem

raien — 2003-12-12T06:12:00-05:00

I wrote this yesterday. I really like it. Tell me what you think...I'm anxious for comments.

An Eternal Rose

The sweet romance of rosebuds
Velvet petals on slender stems
The rose shalt not last forever
But my love for thee will not repent

Sip from the silver chalice
Drink up all my love
Receive it as my gift to thee
And do not spill a drop

Basking in your shining light
Laying naked in your glow
I wait here for thee to take me
To hold and not let go

Forever is a long time
But to thee I promise this
My love shall last an eternity
My pledge sealed with a kiss

Nothing could persuade me
To take another road
A dark path that might lead me
To a place thee could not go

If I am always faithful
And donate to thee my soul
Will you promise to stay with me
To forever love and hold

If thee happens to forget me
And if we are torn apart
I wait here for thee always
For you forever own my heart

If this love was just a scarlet rose
Forever it would not last
But it is more than just a simple flower
It is everything that I am

Love always, Wit

Hell

raien — 2003-12-14T03:12:00-05:00

My life has become hell. I have lost my best friend and my boyfriend in less than a week. On Friday, Emily came home with me on the bus. We hung out, watched Edward Scissorhands, etc. Then we went to Chris Wetherington's party. It was good times. Lots of making out. Casey and I were like...wham. But yeah. So I thought everything was peachy keen. Then I went to the mall on Saturday with Casey, Emily, Matt, and his girlfriend, Megan. We hung out, had Starbucks, etc. Good times, or so I thought. So I get home and get online. Emily goes home at about 8:30. At about 1:30 am, Casey ims me. Here are the highlights from the conversation.

PunkyRockaChicka (1:03:30 AM): hows it going
sniperwolf4132 (1:04:03 AM): not to good
PunkyRockaChicka (1:04:15 AM): why?
sniperwolf4132 (1:05:22 AM): because i don't know how "this" is going
PunkyRockaChicka (1:05:31 AM): "this"?
sniperwolf4132 (1:08:45 AM): it's just, it doesn't really seem like you are all that interested in having a relationship
PunkyRockaChicka (1:09:10 AM): uh why does it seem like that
sniperwolf4132 (1:11:13 AM): it just seems like you are so distant from me and there's still the whole "other people talkin" that is still accuring
PunkyRockaChicka (1:11:51 AM): "other people talking"?
sniperwolf4132 (1:12:31 AM): yeah i still hear shit about me and you and the "things we say"
PunkyRockaChicka (1:12:56 AM): uhhhh ok like what?
sniperwolf4132 (1:13:20 AM): well they say a lot
PunkyRockaChicka (1:13:26 AM): they?
sniperwolf4132 (1:13:33 AM): people
PunkyRockaChicka (1:13:39 AM): uhhh ok
PunkyRockaChicka (1:15:18 AM): so what exactly are you trying to say?
sniperwolf4132 (1:20:20 AM): i don't know that maybe we should get our lives in order to spend more time with relationships
sniperwolf4132 (1:20:50 AM): especially with me and my lovely grades
sniperwolf4132 (1:21:20 AM): everything just seems out of place right now
PunkyRockaChicka (1:21:37 AM): are you breaking up with me?
sniperwolf4132 (1:24:01 AM): yes but no cause i still really like you but my life is heading towards a brick wall right now and i need to at least try to do something to pull myself out of the hole i've dug
sniperwolf4132 (1:25:50 AM): i don't want to upset you and i definetally still want to be at least your friend but i have messed my life up and don't want to bring you down with me
sniperwolf4132 (1:26:05 AM): if that makes any sense to you
PunkyRockaChicka (1:26:15 AM): wow i so didnt see this coming
sniperwolf4132 (1:26:42 AM): i still do like you
sniperwolf4132 (1:27:15 AM): i just don't want to hurt you
PunkyRockaChicka (1:27:29 AM): does this have anything to do with rachel
sniperwolf4132 (1:29:19 AM): nah it is like i said it seems like you are a bit distant from me and i am going to be kicked out of school if i don't pass this year
PunkyRockaChicka (1:29:53 AM): im distant?
sniperwolf4132 (1:31:07 AM): it seems like you aren't all that interested in a relationship
PunkyRockaChicka (1:31:39 AM): uh well i am
sniperwolf4132 (1:32:19 AM): well i am also worried about you cause i have just about hit rock bottom and i would hate to bring anyone else down with me
sniperwolf4132 (1:32:33 AM): especially you
PunkyRockaChicka (1:33:07 AM): the not hurting me thing...thats bullshit bc do you think that breaking up with me isnt going to hurt me
sniperwolf4132 (1:34:08 AM): yeah i know but i couldn't bear screwin up your life cause i fucked up mine
PunkyRockaChicka (1:34:30 AM): how do you think youre going to screw up mine?
sniperwolf4132 (1:35:16 AM): you'd be surprised i have totally fucked up a number of peoples lives
PunkyRockaChicka (1:35:28 AM): so is this what you want?
sniperwolf4132 (1:36:44 AM): not really but i think it may be what is best for now
PunkyRockaChicka (1:36:52 AM): ok
sniperwolf4132 (1:38:43 AM): but i do still like you so it's not like that i don't or anything i just am afraid i might mess up your life while tryin to get mine in order
PunkyRockaChicka (1:39:20 AM): ive had the "its for your own good" speech one too many times so dont bother
sniperwolf4132 (1:39:40 AM): it's not like that and you know it
PunkyRockaChicka (1:40:04 AM): thats exactly what you just said
sniperwolf4132 (1:40:23 AM): if you don't believe me look in your coat pocket

So I look in my coat pocket, and there's a poem from him. All crap. I guess he slipped it in my pocket while we were at the mall. So obviously he had been planning on breaking up with me before we went to the mall. I signed off right after that, I couldn't take it. I went upstairs and shredded my legs. I seriously thought about goring the hickeys out of my neck with a razor, and I had the blade to my neck, but then I stopped. I really don't feel like dying at the moment. So then this morning, I wake up, bawl my eyes out for 3-4 hours, which is nuts because I never cry, then I get online. I find out that after the mall yesterday, Casey went to Ricky's party. Him and Rachel were all over each other. Then they went to her house, alone, while her Mom wasn't home. I don't know if they had sex or just messed around or what. And I'm trying not to care. You know, I said "I love you" to him. First guy I think I've ever said it to first. Look where it got me. This isn't very good for my trust issues. Or my self-esteem. Merry Christmas. I'm sure my christmas will be wonderful. Dammit...
Wit

Poem

raien — 2003-12-14T04:12:00-05:00

I wrote this this morning...kinda shows my change in mood from my last poem...tell me what you think...

Come in my door
Throw off your shoes
I'm not your whore
Just here for you to use
You go upstairs
Lay on my bed
I'm unaware
To you I'm dead
I step aside
I let you pass
You're only here for the ride
Only here for the ass
You get what you want
And then you leave
My heart you taunt
You leave me to bleed
New scars form
Cuts run deep
My body once warm
Slips into cold sleep

Better

raien — 2003-12-14T08:12:00-05:00

So life has improved. Rachel and I are talking again, thank Goddess. And she didn't go home with Casey on Saturday. So yeah, I'm stil alive. Cheers, Wit

Mediocre

raien — 2003-12-17T09:12:00-05:00

Life's just mediocre. Nothing exciting. Casey called me today after school...I told my brother to tell him I wasn't home. I don't think I'm ready to talk to him yet. I wonder what he wanted? Bleh. Nothing much to say. I have a shitload of AP Euro work to do though. Ugh. The teachers are all piling on the homework before the holidays.
-wit

From the Stapler

raien — 2003-12-21T05:12:00-05:00

I’m so unappreciated. No one ever gives me a second glance. My life is just so empty. Now that the boss has a new electric stapler, on one cares about me anymore, I’m just a dull, inefficient manual stapler. The computer mouse told me that I just have an inferiority complex, but I’m not so sure. I can’t seem to do anything right anymore. I jammed three times the other day! Three! What if there had been an emergency, and no one had been able to staple the emergency form papers together? It would have been all my fault! I guess I can see why they’re using that new electric stapler. He’s much more efficient and dependable, and more attractive to boot!
I could end it all. I bet no one would notice that I was gone for weeks. I could just conveniently fall off the desk, into the depths of the wastepaper basket. I’d lie there for days, bruised and broken, just waiting for someone to tip me into the trash compacter and crush me to smithereens. Or I could starve myself to death. I’ll refuse to let them fill me with staples. Or I’ll just spit them out, binge and purge. I wonder how long it would take me to starve to death? Probably too long. How else could I kill myself? I could hang myself with a rubber band or slit my wrists with a letter opener. Oh, wait, that won’t work. I don’t have wrists.
If people just appreciated me a little more, I wouldn’t be so anxious to kill myself! A “thank you” would be nice every so often. It would be great if I didn’t get banged around so much and if the interns didn’t try to make me staple way more papers at a time than I’m supposed to. I’m not bitter. I just wish that my life was a little easier. I don’t think anyone realizes just how hard my job really is. I do so much stapling, yet I receive no gratification.
Is there a workers’ union for staplers? If there is, I’d like to join it and meet other unappreciated staplers like me. We could even organize a strike! A strike is beginning to sound better than suicide. I’ve never been one for pain. So I won’t give up, I’ll keep stapling! But I warn you, next time I’m abused, I may find it necessary to staple a finger to a desk, so watch out.

Ello

raien — 2003-12-22T07:12:00-05:00

Allo allo. I went horseback riding today. I haven't ridden for like two weeks. Erin and I were late getting there, so Kristie (my trainer) bitched at us, then as soon as I got into the arena, Summer spooked and I fell off. Great start. So yeah. I guess it was ok though. I'm not bummed about falling off or anything, its part of riding. But yeah. I'm tired. Christmas is in only 2 days! Woo! Well, I guess you could count it as three. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. But hey, whatever. But yeah I'm a dumbass. I'm like...obsessive about the stupid boy. ::sigh:: I just wish I could get over him. *tear* Well, I really don't have anything to say right now...just thinking about him makes me want to go curl up in a ball and cry.
-Wit

To Do List

raien — 2003-12-23T05:12:00-05:00

I have greatly reduced my to do list for winter break. I have finished all my Christmas shopping, started painting my room, and bought my furniture. I'll be able to put another coat of paint on my room in a few hours, so after that just one or two more coats. It's looking pretty good so far. I should be done my tomorrow, and moved back into my room from the guest room by tomorrow night. I went to the mall and ordered my canopy bed, dresser, and nightstand. It's all really pretty, I'm so excited! It should be delivered here by next Monday. Yay! And I only set my parents back a couple grand. I'm way under my budget ($5000). So yeah...I have like $2200 to work with for the curtains, canopy hangings, lamps, etc. That should be more than enough, I hope. If not I can take some money out of the bank. But yay! My room is really coming together. And it's a queen size bed, so it'll be really hot. I'll take some pictures when it's all done and post them here. So I think that once I finish all my homework, I can just relax for the rest of my vacation. Woo hoo! Ok well I'm going to go try and get the paint off my face...
-Wit-

The New Me

raien — 2003-12-24T03:12:00-05:00

Ok I have reached a revelation. I am going to be the new improved Whitney. I will not:
-Drink any alcohol.
-Cheat on my boyfriend. (If I have one.)
-Do any drugs.
-Have sex with someone I'm not dating.
-Fool around with someone I'm not dating.
-Have sex less than a month into a relationship.
I am going to wait until a good guy comes along, then I'm going to snag him and have a good relationship. Not the fuck then dump. I mean a good relationship. I guess I just have to find the right guy. And I say all this with absolute sincerity. I'm the wholesome Wit. And I'm going to stick to this.
-Wit-

Merry Christmas

raien — 2003-12-25T10:12:00-05:00

Merry Christmas! Woooo!

40 Things I extremely dislike...

raien — 2003-12-29T12:12:00-05:00

Here is a list of 40 things I extremely dislike...
1. Getting into the shower and discovering that there is no hot water and/or water pressure.
2. Stupid break-up lines that are obviously just said to make you feel better.
3. People who are intolerant of other persons' races, religions, cultures, and sexual orientations.
4. Telemarketers who call during dinner.
5. When people call 10 times in 20 minutes, if no one picked up the first or second time, they need to take a hint.
6. Predjudices in general.
7. Ignorance.
8. Getting dumped.
9. People who eat crap, don't exercise, then complain they're fat.
10. Sitting on the toliet, peeing, then coming to the harsh realization that there is no toliet paper.
11. Trying to play cards in the summer, but the fan keeps blowing them around and ruining the game.
12. People who buy lottery tickets every week for their entire lives then get excited when they win a hundred bucks. How much have they spent on lottery tickets?
13. People who think being gay is gross and/or sinful.
14. People who try so hard to fit in that they lose themselves.
15. People who are fake.
16. People who lie.
17. Drug addicts. Drugs are a crutch for people who are afraid to face reality.
18. Alcoholics. Alcohol is a drug, thus it is a crutch for people who are afraid to face reality.
19. People who throw a Pentagram around their neck and say, "Hey, look, I'm Wiccan."
20. People who neglect/abuse/torture animals.
21. Parents who neglect their children.
22. Parents who hit their children.
23. Parents who blame the fact that their lives are hell because of their children.
24. Teen pregnancy. If you are mature enough to have sex, you are responsible enough to use birth control.
25. Overly crude humor.
26. Getting stabbed in the back by a friend.
27. When guys leave the seat up.
28. People who can't sing, but think they can, and insist on having you sit their while they wail your sanity away.
29. Having a runny nose but no tissue. Uhh...sleeve?
30. People who try to force their religion/beliefs onto others.
31. People who are uptight about sex.
32. Boyfriends who are prude.
33. Stores that try to rip you off.
34. Overly cheerful doctors, nurses, dentists, etc. Yeah right, like any amount of fake smiling is going to actually make you want to be there.
35. People who do stuff, get caught, then deny it.
36. The sound of fingernails on a chalkboard.
37. People who can't spell.
38. People on the internet who say things like, "u should c him, i never knew he was that hot b4!"
39. People who can't spell and use horrible grammar.
40. People who undermine the importance of education.

Ok, so there is my list. I'm sure I could come up with more, but I have to do my homework. Cheers, Whit.

New Icon

raien — 2003-12-29T10:12:00-05:00

I finally managed to upload pics from my digital camera to my computer. It took forever. But yeah, so there's my new icon. It's me! Woo! What do you think?

Random Romantic Rant

raien — 2003-12-30T11:12:00-05:00

For whence the endless darkness arrests the silver light of the pale blue moon, I shall come to thee then, guided by the light of the twinkling stars. Past the distant heavenly bodies, hidden behind the velvety midnight sky, clothed by the universe, I shall come to thee. I need no vehicle in which to travel, for my love for thee hast given me wings, they have grown and flourished from my heart, which beats strongly for thee. As I journey past the shimmering Milky Way, I think only of thee, and I compare the light in thine eyes to the light of the infinite stars before me. Thou eyes art far more bright. The universe is lonely, endless darkness, but if thee were here, I would be surrounded by the best company, thee in all thy elegance. Thee, who shines with the radius of a thousand suns, who is alit with a glory that shames the universe. And now I come to thee, my long journey through the heavens has left me weary, but I cannot close my eyes, for fear that I would not have the pleasure of glancing upon thy fair face and kissing thy sweet lips.

Poem by Jen

raien — 2003-12-30T12:12:00-05:00

Jen wrote this for me. I wub her!

Such a sleep. Thy brooding grey
Strangles your already pale sun.
It will sleep in my soul, thy pain-
Love, how can I nurse thine wound?

Her fancy, quite sweet
Dainty and tickles a folly
He tastes of her pleasant memory
And breaths scent of strength held in pantomime.

His hand bends a heart of gold
It's warm splendor reflects to
Far to vast a room, too cold.
Thy heart with strength for all, yet none for you.

How can I mend thy heart, Love?
For to thy mend there is no twine
That would be quite so fine
As to do justice to your eyes.

Ski Bunny

raien — 2004-01-02T10:01:00-05:00

I'm back from my ski trip with Erin. It was fun. Especially if you like skiing on ice. Lol good times though. I got slobbered on by a drunk guy and hit on by a lot of older men. Fun, though. Now I'm home. I have to get all my homework done and clean my room tomorrow. Then it's back to school...ugh...
.Wit.

The Face In the Looking Glass

raien — 2004-01-03T08:01:00-05:00

Surrounded by a crimson dragon, sits a looking glass.
It catches your eye as you walk by, look into it as you pass.
You see a face inside it, with beauty, clear and light.
You come to a realization, as you turn your head to the right,
It's your face inside the mirror,
with the beauty burning bright.

no subject

raien — 2004-01-03T11:01:00-05:00

Me!!!

Last day of freedom!!::Ahh!!! School tomorrow! Noooo! This is horrible!! Then ::gasp

raien — 2004-01-04T08:01:00-05:00

Ahh!!! School tomorrow! Noooo! This is horrible!! Then ::gasp:: exams in 3 weeks! Ahhh! I'm going to die! And I still have tons of homework! Ahhh! Help! And I ran out of diet soda! I haven't had any diet coke today! Not a big deal, you say?? You have no idea! I live off diet soda! I'm so neurotic right now! Ahhhh!!! ::twitch twitch::

Silver Tendrils Grip My Heart

raien — 2004-01-06T04:01:00-05:00

Today was just that. A day. A boring old day. Nothing of particular importance occured. But I have a ton of homework. Lets see, for AP Chem I have a lab, a log, bookwork, and a test tomorrow to study for. I have 4 or 5 worksheets for Algebra II. I have to read at least 5 chapters of the Scarlet Letter and do journal entries and an analysis chart. I don't think I have any Creative Writing homework. I'll have to ask Em or Jen. Ha ha, but that's not all, no, of course not. I also have questions to answer for AP Euro, two chapters to read and outline, stuff in the workbook, and a quiz to study for on Thursday. Do I have anything else? Oh yeah, a really hard project for French. But I think that's it. God I hope so. Ugh. I'm just under so much stress lately. I'm pretty neurotic. And I'm dehydrated because we're out of Diet Coke. So whenever I stand up, I get dizzy and have to sit back down. Grr. And my Mom won't drive me to the store. Well at least I can get my learner's permit on April 1st. Then I'll be home free. I need to play some music... ::Turns on the radio and crosses fingers:: Yay! The Used! ::sighs with happiness:: Yup. I took some pics with my camcorder. they are a little risque, lol. Good times though. I even uploaded them to my computer. Now I just have to figure out how to set my camcorder as a webcam. (he he) I need another cable, though, and I don't really want to spend any money until after New York so I have money to shop while I'm there. I can't wait. Yay! (I should be doing my homework right now...oh well.) I think I'm going to try to hit DC on Saturday with Rachel, Em, and Jen. Chinatown! Lol. But yeah, I found three Pagan stores in DC. Of course, I'll have to check and make sure they're in an ok part, because I have no particular desire to get mugged. Alright well I must leave because I do need to start my homework...unfortunately.
-Wit-

Live everyday as if it is your last.

raien — 2004-01-10T10:01:00-05:00

I haven't written in a few days. I've been sooo busy. I had tons of homework all week then I babysat my neighbors last night. They're cute kids really. Not saying I ever intend on having kids or anything, but yeah.
I'm writing a novel. I haven't titled it yet, but it's good so far. I have a long way to though. I'm going to see if I can do an indenpendent study next year for creative writing so I can just write it in school and get a grade on it.
I've been fooling with my camera a lot. I made a new icon. I think its a good pic of me.
Ugh, I have lots of homework this weekend. Lets see... For chem I have bookwork. For AP Euro I have a tons of IDs to define. For theatre I have to write a monolgue. For French I have to make a poster. For Algebra II I have to study and do like 5 worksheets. For English I have to finish the Scarlet Letter (10 chapters), do journals, do questions, and analyze a poem. For creative writing I have to write a short story. I should probably start soon. Oh yeah, and I have to clean my room and get some of my scholarship stuff filled out. That doesn't have to be in until the 31st, but it's probably going to take me a while. ::sigh::
Rachel, Em, and Jen went to DC today. Oh well. I just seem to be missing out on everything lately. I missed the show too, because I was babysitting. I can't remember the last time I went out and did something with my friends. It was before Christmas. I think it was like half way through December. God I feel so out of it. Oh well.
I think I'm going to go start my homework...
-Wit-

Funny Stuff

raien — 2004-01-11T10:01:00-05:00

http://starterupsteve.servepics.com/swf/mr_nice.html?
It's soooo cute!

What's in a name? For a rose by any other name would smell as sweet...

raien — 2004-01-12T04:01:00-05:00

I have a ton of homework, so I really shouldn't be on the internet. I have a whole bunch of work to do on the Scarlet Letter, but I definately don't have time to read it. Oh well. Sparknotes.com here I come. I'm going to New York City on Friday with Sam and Erin for Sam's 16th birthday. It's going to be awesome. We're staying in the Waldorf Astoria which is really cool because it's a fantastic hotel. Pricey, but fantastic. And we're getting a sweet that over looks Times Square. Sam's never been to NYC before. It's my favorite city. I really want to go to college at NYU or Columbia. There's just so much in that city. You can't take it all in at once. You could probably live there your entire life and never see everything there is to see. Everything's so close together, and when you say "I live in NYC" everyone around you kind of gasps, because you live in the place to be. There are 21 New Age/Pagan stores in Manhattan alone, that I know of. Dozens more in Brooklyn, the Broncs, etc. There are only 9 in all of Maryland, and unfortunately, all but one of them are over 40 miles away. Ah well, such is life. I should probably vamoose because I have so much homework and I'm horseback riding tonight. I'm out.
-Whitney-

Indecision Triumphs

raien — 2004-01-13T06:01:00-05:00

Can anybody who's in college or has been through college help me? I'm a high school sophomore, good student, 4.17 GPA, and 10th in my class of 477 (Of course that will change substansially because that ranking only has my freshman grades.) I got my scheduling information for next year today. I really can't decide what classes to take. And I can't decide how many AP classes to limit myself to. I was going to take AP Statistics, but now I'm not sure. I don't think I want to take 3 math classes at once. I'm definately going to take AP US History and AP English Language. I'm also contemplating AP Environmental Sciences, AP Physics, and AP Art History. I just have no idea what to do. Do I take general Physics or AP Physics? Do I take Honors Pre-calc or Honors Pre-calc and AP Stat? I know I'm going to overload myself, but I mean, what else is new? I just want to have a life and get into NYU or Columbia or some other dream school and I just have to prioritize. I intend on majoring in English/Journalism. How necessary is it that I take AP Physics, AP Stat, and AP Calculus (Which I'd take senior year)? How important is it to universities that I have those classes? Please, lend me your insight! I have no idea what to do!

Back from NYC

raien — 2004-01-19T10:01:00-05:00

I'm back! I had the most fabulous time. The hotel (The Waldorf=Astoria) was the most luxurious place I have ever stayed in. And we went down 5th Avenue, into all the boutiques. With all the doormen and room service and such, I felt like a princess. I bought this gorgeous Coach purse from the Coach boutique and some very expensive make up (T. LeClerc) from Braney's. Everytime I go to NYC, I fall more in love with the city. I will go to NYU if it kills me. And Erin will go to. And we will be roommates. And she will always be my best friend. And then I will live in a posh apartment in NYC with my posh husband. And everyday, when I come home with my shopping bags (Gucci, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Dior, Chanel, etc.), our doorman will say, "Mrs _____, can I help you with your bags? You look ravishing today." There's my fantasy. Aloha for now.
-Wit-

I lost all my dignity the day I fell in love with you.

raien — 2004-01-21T07:01:00-05:00

I wrote a poem. I like it. Tell me what you think.
"Defiance"
The box shows magic rising
From the tendrils, golden
Offering themselves
In a shameless seductive dance
Read this to say nothing
Of prospect
The moment demands the sober tone
A tool for reckoning
The perfect kiss
Consider it at the very least
A cornucopia
We are about regimen, balance
A search for omnipresent facts
The ones with the oozing parlance
Which come of the allotment
With raising undesirable risk
To say that such decisions
Are nothing if not
Contingent
Find ocean eating might
Unleashed on all this matter
Time to decide
Taken by itself, it liberates
Myriad factors designed to inform
To provide information
Inspiration taken
From the side of a box
Potential consequences unfold
In the light of an instant
Years of study
To prove only that
What is not found within
Cannot be found without
And society, to be marked as culture,
A daily nutrition of substitutions
For free will
And independence
Legal standards demanding
Support to sustain themselves
A melancholy world formed by
Superficial ideals
And mediocre contributions
One must break the stereotypical mold
And let ones own ideals be uncovered
Unleashed
To reveal the human spirit

Wish upon a star.

raien — 2004-01-25T10:01:00-05:00

I have been doing chemistry for two days straight. Except for a 90 minute shopping break yesterday with Maggie. I didn't buy anything, but I saw this really hot push-up bra in Victoria's Secret. I tried it on and HOLY SHIT I had boobs. I was like WHERE THE FUCK did these come from!?!? And I tried on this really hot silk slip as a shirt, but it didn't look as thrilling without the pushup bra. And I couldn't afford both, so I didn't get either. But yeah. I'm still not done with my chem reviews. Oh darn. I'm going to fail.

My snow days have come to an end...

raien — 2004-01-28T09:01:00-05:00

I have had three snow days in a row. Three! But I have school tomorrow! Oh, the agony. I don't want to go, because if I go to school tomorrow, that means I have to take my chemistry exam. I'm so scared of that exam. Then I have my English exam which should be pretty easy. Then on Friday I'll have my AP Euro and French exams, neither of which I've started studying for. At least I won't have my Algebra II test until Monday, so I'll have the weekend to study for it. I should probably do some chem studying tonight. Maybe I will. I really want to do ok on that test. Not fabulous, just ok. If I get a C, then it'll count as a B because of the 10 points for the log which took me hours. (Assuming I get the full 10 points.) A B would be really cool. If I get a D it will count as a C, which will be ok. But what if I fail it...OMG that would be so bad. I think I'm going to go study some more. Oh yeah, and I bought that bra from Vicky's Secret. I'm going to wear it on V-day, even though I don't have a bf. God I hate February 14th. Ugh. Ok...I'm going to go study.

Uh Oh

raien — 2004-01-29T08:01:00-05:00

Ok. Three finals done. Theatre was easy. English was easy. Chem was...ahh...excrutiatingly painful? Yes, that's it. I think I failed my AP Chem exam. That's not good. My parents are going to kill me. Oh well. Let's see, four more exams to go. AP Euro tomorrow. I'm going to study for that tonight. I hear its killer. Then French III. I hear its easy as long as you know French. Oops. I don't. And the teacher hates me. Then Monday...Algebra II. Oh dear. I believe I may die. Hopefully creative writing will be easy. Hopefully. Ok...I'm going to go study. And eat some sugar-free Jello. Only 10 calories per serving. Woo hoo!
-Raien-

Tired

raien — 2004-01-30T07:01:00-05:00

I just feel really really drained. My AP Euro test was hard, but I think I did ok because I studied. My French test was surprisingly easy. I'm just stressed though. I should go shopping to relieve that stress. Erin's coming over tomorrow and I think we're going to the mall so that'll be nice. I actually think I might go take a nap now...

Change

raien — 2004-02-03T10:02:00-05:00

It's just not the same anymore. I'm not the same, you're not the same. Change is inevitable. We just don't connect like we used to. I'm sorry about that, truly I am. I can't trust you anymore, as regrettable as that is. I loved you with all my heart, and you betrayed me. Now that we're talking again, it's so clear to me that we're completely different people now. You accuse me of certain things, things I only do when I feel insecure. You make me feel insecure. You always seem to be pushing me down or critisizing me. When something happens to me, you ignore it and tell me it's not big deal. But if something happens to you, I'm expected to drop to my knees and empathize, which I have always been willing to do. I just can't stand it anymore. Every time I talk to you, I can only think of how you've hurt me. We just don't have anything in common anymore. And I think you know this. It's amazing how much two people can grow apart in a matter of weeks. We will never be as close as we were, because I can't trust you now and you think I'm a snob. Now we're headed down two separate paths, in opposite directions. And this breaks my heart because I loved you more than life itself. I still do. I just wish things could be the way they were. But they can't be. I can't change the past, nor can I dictate the future. Don't think I have given up on you. Because I haven't. I just don't expect as much as I used to. If I did, it would be wrong. It would be a lie to pretend that things haven't changed. I refuse to lie to you. And you shouldn't lie to me either. No matter where our lives lead us, you at least owe me that. I love you, though. And I wish things could go back to what they were. I'm sorry.

Bored

raien — 2004-02-11T05:02:00-05:00

I really should be studying right now. I have an AP Euro test tomorrow and an AP Chemistry test on Friday. I need to study for both of them. I'll get to that eventually. I haven't written in a while because my computer has been an asshole. But I defragmented the hard drive yesterday, so its better now. Yeah, so all this new drama is beginning, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. Tis absolute madness I tell you, madness. Ah well. V-day is coming up soon. A holiday for lovers...which I will spend alone. ::sigh::

Go To Hell

raien — 2004-02-12T04:02:00-05:00

Ok, people need to stop bullshitting. They need to stop messing around and tell me what the hell is going on. And these people know who they are because they're doing what they're doing solely for the purpose of pissing me off. If you're one of those people, then wake the hell up and realize that life can't always go your way. Suck it up you lying manipulative bitch. Life's not fair, get used to it.

Wont you come and lay with me?

raien — 2004-02-14T03:02:00-05:00

Ok so Valentine's Day blows. Completely. Unless you have a significant other. Then its fun. But seeing as I dont, its not fun. Want to hear about my day? I woke up and went to Ikea with my Mom. Now I'm back home. I have to clean my room and the study. Believe me, that will take a long time. Then I have to clean and oil my saddle. And tonight, for the grand finale, I'm going to babysit. Sounds like fun, right? Nope. I hate my life. But yeah I hung out in Woodland Beach yesterday. Good times. Ok well I'm going to go clean my room and the playroom...and my saddle. Bleh.

Long Time No Post

raien — 2004-02-21T11:02:00-05:00

I know I haven't posted in a long time, I'm not even sure why. Well let's see...what's happened since V-day? Not much, but I did get oral surgery yesterday. My mouth hurts like a bitch. Oh well. They extracted two teeth and bonded one to pull up the permanent tooth underneath. I was under general anesthesia, which was really odd. I have a horse show tomorrow, so I have to do show prep today and get all my homework done. I don't think I have too much to do though, so that's good. And I'm going to the theatre tonight, at the Warner Theatre in Washington DC, a production of works by Mark Twain, so I'm really excited about that. Of course that means I have a shitload of stuff to do today, in not much time. Oh well. I think I'm going to go start my AP Euro homework now. I've decided that I really need to apply myself this semester because I want to get straight A's. Ok well I'll ttyl.

no subject

raien — 2004-02-21T11:02:00-05:00

Wow I just read wht I just posted and I think its possibly the most boring thing I've ever written. Oh well.

It's quite elementary, my dear Watson

raien — 2004-02-24T07:02:00-05:00

Devil has a hotrod
Devils high on speed
Devil has a black dress
So her arms can bleed

Fun

raien — 2004-02-25T09:02:00-05:00

Today was a good day. We had a three hour early dismissal so school was really really short. Then Em came over and we went to downtown Annapolis. It was sooo much fun. We hit Insight Concepts, Celtic Connection, the fudge shop, and several other shops. We got some really funny pins. I got one that looks like a campaign button and says, "Someone less dumb for president". She got one that says, "Which is worse, screwing an intern or screwing a country?" It was so cool. Emily bought this really beatiful journal in Insight Concepts. Then we went to Bead Bungalow in West Annapolis. I bought some really pretty onyx beads, eye pins, and earring hooks. Then we went to Whole Foods and I bought a magazine and some essential oils. Yeah I spent like $60 today. Oh well. I have $80 in my wallet and my Mom owes me a hundred, so I HAVE TO put that in the bank for my car. It was an awesome day except for this frumpy old lady accusing me of stealing, which, may I add, I did not, have not, and will never do. So there. Lol Em. Ok well I'm going to go rad The Grapes of Wrath.

Pagan Pride

raien — 2004-02-26T07:02:00-05:00

You know what I realized? I love being Pagan. It just makes me so overwhelmingly happy. I just...oh Goddess I can't even put it into words. It just makes me...happy. Wicca is so exciting and different and I love it. I love that I can be totally fascinated by something and believe in it with all my heart. I'm just really really happy right now. Paganism is just so free and..Goddess I can't even describe it. It literally sends shivers down my spine. That's how much it gets to me. Jeez. I'm going to go...I dunno. Meditate maybe. Woo. Happy happy happy. Blessed be. Raien.

Beauty is as beauty does.

raien — 2004-03-02T09:03:00-05:00

No school today. Woooo! Yeah so I spent the night at Emily's house last night. We did a lot of beading and watched Independence Day. She ate soap. (Hmmm I wonder how this will taste...DONT EAT THE SOAP YOU DUMBFUCK WE HAVE TO SELL THAT.) Then her Dad comes in and sees that we have cheese on the counter and is like "Hmmmm exactly how are you flavoring this soap." Lmao it was hilarious. DAVID THATS NOT FOOD IN THE FRIDGE...ITS SOAP. Ha ha ha. Mark I slept with your girlfriend. For the second time in a week. I saw the Passion of the Christ. It was awful. Absolutely terrible. 126 minutes of Jews beating the shit out of Jesus. Oh well. I'm out.

FUCK MY STUPID MOTHER

raien — 2004-03-02T10:03:00-05:00

I'm grounded. Indefinately. I don't even know why. Jesuse Christ she says shes not going to let me ride anymore. I have to get out of here. Can I stay with someone for a while until I figure out what the hell I'm going to do? Crap I hate my parents.

Have I mentioned lately that my mother is a Goddess?

raien — 2004-03-03T09:03:00-05:00

Yeah I'm not grounded anymore. I'm not sure why though lol. Ah I shall never understand the fickleness of my mother. Oh well. At least I'm not grounded anymore.

I haven't updated in like...forever.

raien — 2004-03-14T09:03:00-05:00

Yeah I've been really lazy lately, so I haven't written anything. Not much has happened lately. I've been hanging out with Emily a lot. A lot. Really, I mean, a lot. She spends more time at my house than I do. I'm serious. She was here for like 6 hours yesterday when
I wasn't. My parents go to the grocery store and ask what Emily wants. Oh well. Good thing I'm rather fond of Emily. We watched Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was funny. And we saw A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum at Colonial Players. It was good. Then we went to Insight Concepts. I got yet another book by Scott Cunningham (yay!), a bloodstone, and some strwaberry incense. Emily got a gorgeous silver velvet shirt. I'm going to nick it. They had these really cute pants there but they were meant to sit on your waist...it was icky. But yeah, so then Em, me, and our families had sushi and whatnot at Nikko's. It was soooo good. I love sushi. :) Ok well I'm gonna split...like a banana.

Blob

raien — 2004-03-17T09:03:00-05:00

Emily has a useless blob, so I wanted one. Thus, I acquired one. His name is Dope. Because he, well, smokes a lot of dope. And takes way too many prescription meds. Note the trippy colors? Ohhh yeahhhhh baby.

Abandoned

raien — 2004-03-17T09:03:00-05:00

Goddess, Em, we've been abandoned haven't we? By both of them. I don't know when we all started drifting apart, but there's no denying it. It really makes me sad. Fair weather friends very rarely stick around...but... I seriuosly just want to cry. Why can't things just go back to the way they were? It was so much better when we all hung out every day. When it was just the 4 of us. But it's different now, isn't it? Everything is different. And I'm just afraid that things can never go back to what they were... But I'll never leave you. I promise you.

Hell in a Handbasket

raien — 2004-03-20T09:03:00-05:00

So much has happened. I killed my first republican. I ate an entire zebra. Yeah guys. I'm kidding. That wasn't my first republican. And I only managed half the zebra.

no subject

raien — 2004-03-20T09:03:00-05:00

Maybe the reason I hate everyone else
Is because I can't admit
That I really just hate myself

*Star* the movies you've seen

raien — 2004-03-20T09:03:00-05:00

1. X-Men*
2. The Craft
3. X2
4. Swimfan*
5. Fellowship of the Ring*
6. Finding Nemo*
7. Peter Pan*
8. Home Alone*
9. Aladdin*
10. The Ring*
11. 10 Things I Hate About You
12. Not Another Teen Movie*
13. Spiceworld*
14. 8 Mile
15. Bambi*
16. Pirates of the Carribean*
17. Edward Scissorhands*
18. Stepmom*
19. My Best Friends Wedding*
20. 101 Dalmations*
21. Scream
22. Scream 2
23. Scream 3
24. Big Daddy
25. Billy Madison
26. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets*
27. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone*
28. Heartbreakers*
29. Dumb & Dumber*
30. Two Weeks Notice*
31. Scary Movie*
32. Look Who's Talking
33. Blade
34. Blade II
35. O
36. Titanic*
37. Carrie*
38. Carrie 2: The Rage
39. Daddy Day Care
40. Legally Blonde*
41. Austin Powers*
42. Storm of the Century
43. Oliver and Company
44. Two Towers*
45. Return of the King
46. Mighty Ducks
47. Fast and the Furious*
48. 2 Fast, 2 Furious
49. A Walk To Remember*
50. XXX
51. Beauty and the Beast*
52. I Know What You Did Last Summer*
53. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
54. Sound of Music
55. Mary Poppins*
56. Tuck Everlasting*
57. The Patriot*
58. The Wizard of Oz*
59. Killing Ms. Tingle
60. Crossroads*
61. Now and Then*
62. Pearl Harbor*
63. Just Married*
64. Cast Away*
65. Radio Flyer
66. Final Destination
67. Lady and the Tramp*
68. Shallow Hal*
69. 40 Days and 40 Nights
70. Bring It On*
71. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory*
72. The Outsiders
73. The Matrix*
74. Perfect Storm
75. Cruel Intentions
76. Never Been Kissed*
77. Clueless
78. Bruce Almighty*
79. Remember the Titans
81. Girl, Interrupted*
82. SWAT
83. Sixth Sense*
84. PhoneBooth
85. The Lion King*
86. Urban Legends
87. Nightflier
88. Lion King 2*
89. Little Mermaid*
90. American Pie*
91. Center Stage
92. Scooby Doo*
93. Bedazzled
94. Mrs. Doubtfire*
95. Save the Last Dance*
96. My Girl*
97. American Beauty
98. Romeo & Juliet
99. Lost World
100. Casper*
101. Miss Congeniality*
102. The Rock
103. Face Off
104. Moulin Rouge*
105. Sleeping Beauty**
106. Alien
107. Tombstone
108. Lake Placid*
109. The Recruit
110. The Shining*
111. Pocahontas*
112. French Kiss
113. Pretty Woman
114. Dirty Dancing
115. Italian Job
116. Love Actually
117. Identity
118. The Mummy*
119. Drumline
120. Finding Forrester
121. Monster's Inc.*
122. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
123. Spawn
124. All I Want
125. Mallrats
126. Dogma*
127. Rat Race
128. Stigmata
129. Eye Of The Beholder
130. To Die For
131. Gangs Of New York
132. A Clockwork Orange
133. Chicago*
134. Big Fish
135. Donnie Darko
136. Chinatown
137. There's Something About Mary*
138. National Security
139. What Dreams May Come
140. Lilo and Stitch*
141. Selena
142. Les Miserables; Tenth Anniversary Concert
143. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
144. Oliver
145. The Haunting
146. Jane Eyre
147. Monty Python and The Holy Grail*
148. Annie*
149. Pleasantville*
150. The Goodbye Girl
151. Evita
152. How to Deal*
153. Drop Dead Gorgeous
154. Waiting for Guffman
155. The Breakfast Club*
156. Best In Show
157. Panic Room*
158. IGBY goes down
159. Shes having a baby
160. Ferris Bueller's day off
161. Sleepless in Seatle
162. The Great Mouse detective*
163. While you were sleeping*
164. The stand
165. Bandits
166. The story of us
167. Man in the Iron mask
168. Chocolat
169. The importance of being earnest
170. Snatch
171. Fight club
172. The Princess Bride*
173. The Shawshank Redemption
174. Blow
175. Treasure Planet

On The Rocks

raien — 2004-03-21T08:03:00-05:00

Horse show today. I did pretty well I think. The judge was really bias though. One of the horses showing was hers, and she was trying to sell it, so she gave it first place in like all the classes. Grrrr. That's ok though. Life's not fair. But yeah. I'm tired. And bored. Oh and I will never do a pleasure class again. Ta. ~Whit

Confuzzled

raien — 2004-03-28T12:03:00-05:00

Fuck. It's been a crazy weekend. And it's only Saturday. No wait...I guess its Sunday. As of 13 minutes ago. I went to the circus with Mel on Saturday. Today I went to see SRHS's Oliver. Good times. But Jesus Christ. Talk about the shit all hitting the fan at the same time. I have decided I would be very bad at a monogomous relationship. Nuff said.

FUCK Monogamy

raien — 2004-03-28T10:03:00-05:00

mo·nog·a·my (ma-nog-am-ie)
n.
The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time.

Not gonna happen. Can't do it.

Shit.

I've come undone and all hopes of mending me are gone because the pain took my soul. Can't you see? The only one who can put me back together again is me.
-Whit

Hmmmm....

raien — 2004-03-29T04:03:00-05:00

What Makes You Sexy? by eva71
Name/NickName
Gender
Sexy Body Part Is Your Hands
Special Talents Are Blow Jobs
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

If I told you I was dying, would you believe me?

raien — 2004-03-29T04:03:00-05:00

Shit tends to get really complicated really fast. A lot can change in 72 hours. And no matter how hard I try, I can't make everyone happy. And in me trying to make evryone happy I've caused some people that I really care about a lot of pain. Am I a bad person? I certainly don't have any morals. That's for sure. Tarnation. Oh well.

Beth Hart - LA Song

raien — 2004-03-29T06:03:00-05:00

She hangs around the boulevard
She’s a local girl with local scars.
She got home late, she got home late
She drank so hard the bottle ached.

And she tried and she tried, she tried and she tried,
But nothing’s clear in a bar full of lies.
So she takes and she takes, she takes and she takes,
She understands when she gives it away,

She says, man I gotta get out of this town
Man I gotta get out of this pain.
Man I gotta get out of this town,
Out of this town, and out of the way.

She’s got a gun; she’s got a gun,
She got a gun she calls the lucky one.
She left a note, by the phone,
Don’t leave a message cause this ain’t no home.

And she cried and she cried, she cried and she cried,
She cried so long her tears ran dry.
And she laughed and she laughed, she laughed and she laughed,
Cause she knew she was never comin back.

She said, man I’m gonna get out of this town
Man I’m gonna get out of this pain.
Man I’m gonna get out of this town,
Out of this town, and out of the way

It’s all she loves, Its all she hates,
It’s all to much for her to take
She can’t be sure, just where it ends,
Or where the good life begins.

So she took a train, she took a train,
To a little old town without a name.
She met a man, he took her in,
But fed her all the same bullshit again.

And he lied and he lied, he lied and he lied,
He lied like a salesman sellin flies.
So she screamed and she screamed, she screamed and she screamed,
It’s a different place but the same old thing.

It’s all I loves, Its all I hates,
It’s all to much for me to take
I can’t be sure, just where it ends,
Or where the good life lies within.

She says, man I gotta get out of this town
Now I gotta get back on that train.
Man I gotta get out of this town,
I’m out of my pain, so I’m goin back to L.A.
Back to L.A
Back to L.A
I’m goin back to L.A.
I’m goin back to L.A.

no subject

raien — 2004-03-30T03:03:00-05:00

This is me. I love playing wih my camera. :)

I LOVE MEL

raien — 2004-03-30T09:03:00-05:00

This is why:
president said (9:45:41 PM): Dude, I totally respect your sexual preference and seeing as I was able to sleep in the same bed as you and have nothing more than a sisterly, caring approach towards it, I have no problem with having a purely platonic relationship with you but GODDAMN YOU'RE HOT and if you were a flaming queer I'd fuck the shit out of you. Thank you.

Silly Boy

raien — 2004-03-31T03:03:00-05:00

My brother just dashed out of the room. He smelled something burning and realized that he had left something in the toaster oven. On the way there, he managed to stub his toe, and then proceed to trip over the cat. I'm really wondering why he bothered to run so fast. Its really not that far from the computer room to the kitchen. Did he honestly think that he would be able to rescue the food in the oven by getting there 5 seconds faster? Well hes an idiot. Now he has a hurt toe and I have a pissed cat. Beautiful. I love my family.

You make me shiver.

raien — 2004-04-01T06:04:00-05:00

If you drop your dreams into a wishing well
What the hell do you have left to hold on to?
-Me
That's my new quote. Literary genius in the making. Ha ha. I wish. I am working on a novel though. We'll see how that works out.
Yeah, so anyways, pretty ordinary day. I have a B in French. Ugh. Merely because of my excessive slackiness. I'll get that up...I'd better.
I have so much shit to get done...I have to finish my Internship forms, Barnard application, SouthHampton application, and go to the MVA and get my permit. At least I got my AP test stuff and my NHS forms in. I have a shitload of homework to do. Grrr, ok enough of my whining....there are children starving in Somalia.
Hmm...Somalia...reminds me of Africa...which reminds me that I have to study for my AP Euro test tomorrow... Hmm. OK then, I'm going to go do that. Maybe. Like a banana, I'm splitting. -WiT

Music: Fountains of Wayne-Stacy's Mom

no subject

raien — 2004-04-01T09:04:00-05:00

When thou shalt fall against thorny vine
Come cradle thine head upon my chest
To seek a sweet divining comfort
If nothing else than for pure rest

The organ free of worldly taint
Sweet innocence of the virgin heart
Two lovers meet in youth that year
Yet lovers shalt meet and lovers shalt part

To find within one’s self the fault
To withstand an’ bear the final test
The naive romantic point of view
That showeth truth, thou shalt be blest

If nought the tempt of love appeals
Nor the seek of self serving gain
Then why dost thou continue life
What motivates thou to receive the pain

If thou shall walk the road at night
And dabble in the darkness, Sleep
Meditate frequent on thine thoughts
And let the meaning run through deep

If thou shalt come across a turn
A non navigable bend, a twist
Then look upon my face, in trust
And perhaps you shall find that which you wish

Wake up its time to shine.

raien — 2004-04-02T11:04:00-05:00

So yeah, crazy day today. I realized that I have very little motivation to do well in most of my classes. This is very bad. I'm not sure when this happened, but its not good. I should fix this. I need to fix it soon. Crap. After school I went riding, rode Buttons. He's so sweet. He was a little lame today though, so we didn't jump a whole lot. Then I went to the play. I didn't really see it, but I've seen it before, so I'm not too worried. But it was fun though. Good times. Then I went to chill at Ricky's for a while with some of the gang. (Gang? wtf lol) Yeah now I'm home. I think I might actually do something productive now, like start on the list of things I have to do. It's like 10 friggin pages long. Good grief. Alright then, like a twizzler, I'm twisting. (Wooo that wsa bad. I choose to ignore it.)
-Love ya darlings, Wit

And the rain drops slide down my window...

raien — 2004-04-04T01:04:00-05:00

When did everything become so complicated? Was it when high school started? Was it when I started hanging out with different people? Hmm. Grr. Complications. Ah well.

Wish all you may, there where you lay.

raien — 2004-04-05T08:04:00-05:00

Well today was fun. I had an Envirothon field trip. We are so going to win the county competition. It's on the 20th, so yeah, woo, and then on to states. Which we will win. Yes. We. Will. Then on to internationals. We will win there also. Uh huh. Anyways, moving on.
See, the only problem with missing school is that I now have an assload of makeup work. I missed 3 tests today. Three! It's going to take forever to make them all up...grr. And I've got sooo much AP Euro work....ugh. I really need to work in that class, I've been slacking so badly. And I have to get...like 110 on my algebra II test....hmmm. Ah well. I should probably go study. Or not.
Or maybe I will.
Ok then.
I'm splitting like a banana.
-Wit

Organized disorder

raien — 2004-04-07T07:04:00-05:00

Fall not to temptation...well, why the fuck not?

I'm tired. Busy day. I think I'm getting a C in Algebra II. Thats really bad. I've never gotten a C before. It's a really high C too. Grrr.
On the bright side, I took a chem test today, and I think I did really well. Of course, I probably failed it, but I'm not going to think about it. I'll think about it when I get my grade back. I will not think about it this weekend, I refuse to taint my spring break (2 days, a facsimile of a break, really) with chemistry.
Speaking of spring break, I think mine is all planned out. Emily is going to come over on Thursday after her orthodontist appointment. Then we're going to go see Dawn of the Dead, woo, zombies! She'll probably spend the night too. Then Erin is coming over on Friday and we're just going to watch dozens of movies and pig out on junk food. It will be fantastic. I think I'll probably chill with Mark on Saturday and we'll study and whatnot. So it looks like my Sunday and Monday are free. Maybe I'll work on shortening my to-do lists. I have a lot of cleaning to do, mum says. Oh well.
Hmm. Diet Mountain Dew Code Red. Nectar of the Gods. Oh yeah baby. Purely orgasmic.
I just read Rachel's blog, and she put some stuff in about her favorite people. Ok, I'm going to break under the pressure to conform and do the same thing. Here goes, in no particular order:
Erin- I've known Erin since we were like 5, we've been best friends since 4th grade. We're like sisters. We fight sometimes, but apologies aren't even necessary because...I don't even know why. But she's awesome. Even though she goes to Southern.
Emily- Emily is one of my favorite people. She's so sweet and generous. I know she's a better more selfless person than I could ever be. And she truly just wants her friends to be happy. She can always make me smile and she's so beautiful, inside and out.
Rachel- Rachel is my babydoll. I love her to death. I can always count on her for a shoulder to cry on and advice, be it good or bad (lol). She's a verydetermined person and I think she can do anything.
Jen- Ah, Jen. I love Jen. No matter how much I tease her. She's so good for me, she just brings so much happiness into my life. Whenever I'm with her, my whole day just brightens. Jen is not only the rainbow, she's the pot of gold at the other end.
Mark- Mark and I go way back. Well kind of. To like the beginning of freshman year. I love Mark because I can really just be myself around him. He's great for support and heated political debates. No matter what goes down, I really hope we'll always be friends, or more. He's my sweet and syrupy Aunt Jemima pancake.
Mel- Mel is a crazy chick. But I love her so much. She's so wild and I just love being around her. Everything with Mel is like a huge adreneline rush. It'a absolutely insane. And her Grandmother's awesome...
Jess- It's really sad because I don't get to see her much anymore. And I really miss her! She's an amazing person and I hope she's always happy.
Chris T- Chris is great. He makes an exclellent gay frenchman. And he's great for bringing me back to earth when I need it. Which is quite frequently. He's level headed and logical. And he's a great writer.
Maggie- Maggie is absolutely awesome. She is one crazy kid. And she can't get a job. It's quite funny. No, but seriously, she's great and really smart and we agree on a lot of stuff, which is really useful.
Hmm, is that everybody? If I left you off, it's not because I don't love you! I promise!
Ok, well I htink I may actually go do some homework.
-Wit

Sweet Transvestite

raien — 2004-04-09T06:04:00-05:00

Erin is coming over tonight. It's really awesome. We're going to have a movie night and consume incomprehensible quantities of junk food. We rented Schindler's List, 40 Days and 40 Nights, Beyond Borders, Once Upon A Time In Mexico, and Gothika. I can't wait. I saw Dawn of the Dead yesterday, with Emily. It was so awesome. Really sad though. But totally awesome. Fantastic shock factor. (So are they dead?? Well, they're dead in the sense that they fell down, got back up, then started eating each other.) It was hot. So yeah. Good times. Emily is awesome. (Em, what was that pun I said yesterday? You replied something about losing your Wit. I can't remember.) Ok, well me Mum wants me to clean my room before Erin gets here, so I'm going to go do just that. I'm leafing, like a tree. (Ha ha, that was so bad.) -The Infamous Wit

Once Upon A Time In Maryland

raien — 2004-04-10T10:04:00-05:00

Today was pretty dull. Yeah. Erin and I woke up at like noon, then we watched Schindler's List. It was really depressing. Last night we watched 40 Days and 40 Nights and Beyond Borders. 40 Days was sooo funny. It reminded me so much of my friends. It made me really lonely though. Beyond Borders was unbelieveably sad. It makes me want to join the Peace Corps. I just can't fathom the amount of poverty that goes on in other parts of the world. I watched Once Upon A Time In Mexico a little while ago with my brother. It was a really bad movie. The plot was so twisted that I lost track in like the first five minutes. But Johnny Depp was in it. Of course, he ended up getting maimed beyond belief, but ah well. I was going to spend today doing homework. Yeah that so didn't happen. I think I'm going to get in the jacuzzi. Or I could do my homework. Ha ha, tough choice folks. Ooh, yeah, but I got all my herbs planted today. Yes! Ha ha, I've been meaning to get that done forever. So that's one thing off my to-do list. I still have to send in my Barnard applications, do my homework, fill out my imternship forms, get my learners permit, realphabetize my CD collection, etc. etc. etc. Grrrr. I'm going to make like a banana and spppplllliiittt. -Wit

Pffffffffft.

raien — 2004-04-11T04:04:00-05:00

I just got back from dwontown Annapolis. I was there from like 1-4. It was cold. And wet. Pretty miserable. Morgan was there, Mel was there, Jess was there, Mark was there (though he didn't get there unitl like 20 minutes before I had to leave. Grumble grumble.). Oh yeah, and Ian was there. I'm not sure how things went with Ian and Mel. We'll just have to see I guess. Though it's going to be absolute chaos, I know that. (I love you Mel) So yeah, now I'm going to take the DVDs back to the video place (I never got to watch Gothika) then I'm going to dinner with my parents' extremely wealthy friends. And I mean extremely wealthy. They're really nice though. Hopefully I'll be back before it's too late. I guess I'll take Huck Finn with me, I have to read the whole thing by Thursday and I'm only on chapter 7 out of 42. Damn. Ok well I'm going to get out of here. I'll be back... soon... maybe. ::eerie music:: Oh and by the way, Mark, darling, since our time together today was so limited because you ::grumble:: think of nothing but your stomach ::smiles sweetly:: you should definately come over tomorrow and we'll do AP Euro. Oui? Yes, I think so. Good times. I'll call you later...or tomorrow. Whenever. It'll be fun. Uh huh. Ok I'm going to split like a banana. (That's getting really old, I need to come up with a new closing remark. Ah well.) I'm out. -Wit

Beaten

raien — 2004-04-11T11:04:00-05:00

I'm shivering in the cold, a threadbare blanket around my shoulders. Blood runs down my back, warm and thick, like honey. I stare at you with my blackened eyes, I hide the truth within them, deep in their frigid depths. Tears run in glistening channels down my cheeks, silver rivulets of lost hope. You wont look at me, as if you can't bear the sight of me. Does it make you feel guilty? Do you know how you've torn me? My heart has become nothing but a hole, a gaping wound, left to fester.

I believe in a thing called looooove. Good job!

raien — 2004-04-12T05:04:00-05:00

Yeah, I should really be doing homework, considering the amount of studying Mark and I actually did. Ah well. I still have a ton of Huck Finn to read. Bleh. Maybe I should do that. Or not.
-Wit

Ethics are merely conceptions.

raien — 2004-04-13T10:04:00-05:00

Wishing gets you nowhere.
Hoping only gets you so far.
Praying gets you God knows where.
So forget about the star.

Perfection is like sculpture, it is achieved not when there is nothing left to add, but rather when there is nothing left to take away.

Think about it.

Ever truthful.
Ever solemn.
-Whitney

I lost all my dignity the day I fell in love with you.

raien — 2004-04-13T10:04:00-05:00

Hey guys.
I should be reading Huck Fin. Or doing AP Euro. Or Algebra. Or Chemistry. Or French.

Damn. I have no enthusiasm for school work. I don't have enthusiasm for anything. Except sex. COUGH COUGH

I think I may go read Huck Fin.

Maybe.

-Wit

Can you hear it? Can you hear the wind? Can you hear the music?

raien — 2004-04-14T04:04:00-05:00

Today was pretty dull. I got a 67 on my chem test, which is ok I guess, I did better than almost anyone, but I was still hoping to do better. I'm definately getting a B for the quarter in that class. Oh well.

I really should be reading Huck Fin. I read for hours last night and I only got to chapter 16. Oh well. Wow, it's 5 o'clock, I'm screwed.

So yeah, tomorrow, at Chris' house. Good times, I'm sure.

I have spent the afternoon completely reprogramming my computer. It sucks so bad. I hate it. ::kicks computer furiously::

What if perfection really is impossible?

Watching.
Waiting.
Contemplating.
-Wit

::gives computer one last solid boot in the hard drive::

Spring Evening

raien — 2004-04-15T09:04:00-05:00

I can see the stars from my bedroom window, I see them twinkling in the dusky twilight, diamonds in the rough. The evening crickets sing their husky notes, singing of similies and antonyms, alliteration and imagery. They sing of love, of hope, of passion. Love, they sing, is great. Love, they chirp, is terrible. Ah, the paradox of love, which controls all of nature. It's spring, the musky air is cool and fresh, but heavy with the coming rain. If I reach my arm out, I could spread it like a curtain. The shrill mating call of a loon stirs me from my reverie, I glance across the surface of the misty lake, searching for the bird. I listen, but hear only the light murmers of the bullfrogs. And that, my friends, is the nature of evening. That, my friends, is the nature of spring.

Tremble.

raien — 2004-04-16T11:04:00-05:00

A conversation I had with Mark, you may or may not find it interesting.
(I'm PunkyRockaChicka, Mark is Vaelroth)

PunkyRockaChicka: I wrote a rather long winded response to your blog entry.
Vaelroth: oh my
PunkyRockaChicka: I couldnt help it
Vaelroth: How can one hate Mobius Strips?
Vaelroth: They are so easy to understand!
PunkyRockaChicka: I just hate them.
PunkyRockaChicka: Its not that I dont comprehend them.
PunkyRockaChicka: I just hate them.
PunkyRockaChicka: Infinity. I hate it.
Vaelroth: But its so beautiful, so perfect.
PunkyRockaChicka: True, but something as seemilngly simple as it is, as seemingly perfect as it is, cannot be as it seems.
Vaelroth: why not?
PunkyRockaChicka: Because. My life consists of over analyzing common themes and principals. It's what I do.
Vaelroth: Then I go out and criticize your analysis to no end without telling you.
Vaelroth: Brian even suggested I get a hat that says,"Critic."
PunkyRockaChicka: But analysis is the only thing that brings comprehension. Analysis is as coterminous as anything.
Vaelroth: Not necessarily, sometimes its easier to experience rather than analyze.
PunkyRockaChicka: But analysis is part of experience. You can experience something, but if you dont analyze it, you will never comprehend it, and thus never reach a valid conclusion.
Vaelroth: Do all things require a conclusion?
PunkyRockaChicka: Yes.
Vaelroth: Does taking a piss require a conclusion?
PunkyRockaChicka: Yes. You empty your bladder, that is the result, thus the conclusion.
PunkyRockaChicka: And there was reason behind the action.
PunkyRockaChicka: You completely undermined the sophistication of this conversation with the taking a piss comment.
Vaelroth: Or is it? You then drink, process and piss again, so does it really have a conclusion?
PunkyRockaChicka: But that is a different trial in the same cycle.
Vaelroth: Well you can't ask about something sophisticated if you intend to ask about something mundane?
Vaelroth: -? +.
Vaelroth: True
Vaelroth: ::wiggle::
Vaelroth: Stupid conclusions.
PunkyRockaChicka: Necessary conclusions.
Vaelroth: Necessity isn't always a reason for a conclusion.
Vaelroth: I completely avoided your comment. lol
PunkyRockaChicka: lol
Vaelroth: I'm so good.
PunkyRockaChicka: Which comment did you avoid?
Vaelroth: Necessary conclusions.
PunkyRockaChicka: Ah well.
Vaelroth: ::huggle::
PunkyRockaChicka: Human beings live and breathe answers. There is nothing more feared than the unknown.
PunkyRockaChicka: No, I'm in a discussion mood, no time for affection. I could go at this all night.
PunkyRockaChicka: ;)
Vaelroth: Nope, fear is more fearful.
Vaelroth: I don't care, I argue affectionately!
PunkyRockaChicka: Fear is a subset of the unknown. Fear is caused by the unknown.
Vaelroth: But what about fear of things previously experienced? Like corporal punishment?
PunkyRockaChicka: But what is the one reason, the one conclusion behind fear?
Vaelroth: Humans do everything they can do to avoid fear, whether it is known or unknown. That makes fear more fearful.
PunkyRockaChicka: Its death.
PunkyRockaChicka: Death is the only true ultimatum.
PunkyRockaChicka: Death is our conclusion.
Vaelroth: Is it?
Vaelroth: What of life after death? Or maybe an anti-life?
Vaelroth: Is it not possible that spirits do exist in a form of anti-life in order to carry out the duality of the universe?
PunkyRockaChicka: Its possible. But, of course, death is what we fear the most. Because no one really knows what happens. People make hypothesis, and live by them, but no one really knows.
Vaelroth: If we make hypothesis on the subject then we must have some knowledge of that unknown. Afterall, a hypothesis is an educated guess.
PunkyRockaChicka: Ah, but education is human.
PunkyRockaChicka: Education could be the Bible.
PunkyRockaChicka: People obtain their truths from what others have concluded.
Vaelroth: Learning primarily comes through correcting ones mistakes, self-education. It is present in all organisms.
PunkyRockaChicka: Ah, but learning and education are not the same.
Vaelroth: But does education not induce learning?
PunkyRockaChicka: A giraffe may learn to reach higher into the trees to reach the sweeter leaves, but he would not be considered an educated giraffe.
PunkyRockaChicka: We cannot choose what we are taught, we can only choose what we learn.
PunkyRockaChicka: And what we accept as fact.
Vaelroth: If the giraffe learns to step onto a rock to reach higher into the trees, he would be self educated and therefore more intelligent than his surrounding giraffes.

It ended there, Mark had to get off. But it was not,I assure you, the conclusion of this conversation. ::Mumbles about the mildly subtle reference to conclusions::

Peace, Love, Sweet Tunes
-Wit

A meditation on an imperfect world.

raien — 2004-04-18T10:04:00-05:00

Imperfection is a sickness, an epidemic, if you will. It is the malaria in Peru, it is the AIDS in Nigeria, it is the obesity in America. It spreads like fire in a grassland, scorching everything in its path to a fine ash, reducing artifacts to nothing but ebony silt. It creeps along like a thorny vine, with the painstaking care of a sculptor and the fatal intent of a boa constrictor. It is ruthless and harsh, but not vindictive, imperfection passes no judgement, all are treated as equally flawed individuals. Imperfection penetrates the heart of every man, woman, child. It lives in the human mind, it flourishes there, like an invasive weed in the Garden of Eden, like lust in the breast of a married man. It grows, it festers, it takes, it destroys. Imperfection is perhaps the one thing that science cannot defeat, the one thing for which modern medicine can find no cure. Cancer degrades the body, while imperfection rots the mind. And like the epidemic which it portrays, it reeks of havok and fear, chaos and genocide. What is it that the human soul craves for with more ferosity than perfection?

The end to my writer's block.

raien — 2004-04-19T08:04:00-05:00

I think my writer's block is cured! Yay! Or my muse finally awoke from its winter hybernation. Either way, I cranked out 3 poems yesterday, one today. I didn't particularly like the one I wrote today, but Em did, so maybe its ok. And one of the poems I wrote yesterday was from the viewpoint of a whore, but it didn't come out right. I wanted to catch the tragedy of the situation, but it ended up just seeming trashy. Ah well. DUDE I got a B in AP Euro!!!! Yay!!! And I got a 95 on my last test and a 96 on my last DBQ, which my teacher said was an excellent essay. Go me! And for those of you who are failing Euro, not mentioning any names, Emily, cough, you should apply yourself. ::grin::

Stop me before I do something that I know I'm going to regret. Please, don't let me do it! I do this every time...every time... I have to break the pattern. Or I'm going to hurt someone I love very much. Tarnation.

Why can't I be more like her? The perfect one?

-Whit

Stephanie

raien — 2004-04-20T10:04:00-05:00

My French girl is here! Yay! She seems really nice. You guys, meaning my friends, had better be nice to her, or I kill you. :) Ok well me mum is being a warlock and making me go to bed. Grrr.

Au revoir!
-Wit

::Violent coughing fit::

raien — 2004-04-22T08:04:00-05:00

What Makes You Sexy? by eva71
Name/NickName
Gender
Sexy Body Part Is Your Hair
Special Talents Are Blow Jobs
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Don't worry. I won't tell anyone of your transgressions.

raien — 2004-04-23T11:04:00-05:00

I have decided that the French are very cool people. Stephanie is very nice. We went shopping tonight. I bought a ton of new clothes. Yay! Much excitement! Then we played poker, rummy, war, and spit. Very good times.

I haven't done like any homework this week because I've been hanging out with Stephanie. Uh oh. Not good. I have a chem test on Monday. Uh oh, very bad, very bad.

My tan is getting darker. Yay! Melanoma, here I come! Ha ha, that makes melanoma sound like an island or a resort. Ah well.

Dooooq (v.) To dooooq, as in to dooooq someone. A combination between a booop and a poke. The number of "o"s can be altered to indicate severity. (For example, dooooooq is far stronger than doooq.)

Doooqs all around!

Take me out
Spin me around
Then put me back, broken
-Whit

Excellent weekend

raien — 2004-04-25T07:04:00-05:00

This was an absolutely fabulous weekend.

Yesterday I went out on my boat with Mark, Stephen, Stephanie, Raphael, Maggie, and Kevin. I have decided that a boat full of teenagers is a lot of fun. A lot. Even when the boat runs out of diesel. And it won't start back up. And then you get towed. And then you run aground. And come very very very close to smashing the boat thats towing you. (Its even worse when the boat towing you belongs to your friends father and cost about $1 million) And you end up paddling a 12 ton boat home.

Even then its a lot of fun.

Today I went to Six Flags with Stephanie, Raphael, Matt, and Megan. It was so much fun. Joker's Jinx is my new favorite roller coaster. (Ha ha, Matt, you suck! Wimp! You wanna go??) Raphael and I screamed sooooo loud on the Swinging Ship, it was so fucking hilarious. I will have no voice tomorrow.

I have two tests tomorrow (Alg and Chem) and one test on Tuesday (Euro). Why am I not studying? I'll tell you.

I am....a procrastinator.

I'm going to go now.

Je suis Batman.
-Whitney

Whisper sweet nothings in my ear.

raien — 2004-04-26T05:04:00-05:00

There are two reasons that a man compliments a woman.

Reason 1:

He wants to sleep with her.

Reason 2:

Oh, wait.

My bad.

There's only one reason.

Ok, that was the coolest quote ever. Written by me.

Narcissistic Minds

raien — 2004-04-26T08:04:00-05:00

The air is gravid, swollen with philosophy
Listen on this quiet lucubration
A whispered meditation
(If you will)

Nascent thoughts flow smoothly
Like melted butter over cobs of sweet
Yellow
Corn
(Each idea coterminous)

A scapegrace spoils the moment
Spreading rumors
Like the plague
And discontentment-
reigns.

Thinkers batter each other
Their words like clubs and crowbars
Each adamant in his own principles
(Defensive, close-minded self-righteousness
breeds hate)
It’s only narcissism

A myriad of contradicting thoughts
A monopoly of indignation
Such is life
Pugnacity gets few results

The blossoming of spates
Punitive comments
(They do not know that they
are only-
puppets-
in my game.)

The hardest words: I'm sorry.

raien — 2004-04-28T08:04:00-05:00

Ok, today I was accused of being a prideful, arrogant bitch. It didn't make me angry, just contemplative. I realize that I can be very bossy and outspoken. I also realize that I do not work well in groups. I am a complete control freak. I know this, and you all can tell me this a hundred times, but I already know it. But it's who I am, and that's not going to change.

I realize that I'm not perfect. There are so many people who seem to think that I think I'm perfect. I don't, and I know that I'm not. I don't even try ro be.

I do somewhat resent the prideful and arrogant comment. I know I may sometimes seem a little prideful, but honestly, what's wrong with that? Why can;t I be proud of my accomplishments?

What was implied today was that I think I'm better than other people. I'm not goign to comment on this, because I think it's stupid and my arguement would be mindless. Of course, what I'm willing to do is apologize.

It's said that the hardest thing to do is to apologize. I'm not trying to go down as a martyr, or a saint, because I am nowhere near to being a saint, but I think this is important. It is difficult though. But here goes.

1. I apologize to my parents because I do not thank them enough for all the things they do for me and everything they've given me. I can be a really rotten kid and I'm not always grateful. I also apologize for breaking their trust and lying to them.

2. I apologize to my brother for not being a very good role model. And for being jealous because he is probably better at some things than I am. I apologize for giving him a hard time about things that he really shouldn't have to worry about.

3. I apologize to the people on my Envirothon team because I am bossy, controlling, loud, and often overly confident. I'm sorry that I'm not goo dat receiving input and that I am such a control freak (not to mention a spaz).

4. I apologize to every boy I've ever cheated on. No one ever deseerves to be cheated on, and I'm really really sorry. I happen to have a very bad track record when it comes to that. I'm sorry for all the guys I hurt because I was unable to keep my hands to myself.

5. I apologize to anyone who's secret I've ever told.

6. I apologize to anyone who I've talked about behind their backs, or in front of them.

7. I'm sorry to everyone I've ever looked down upon, because I thought myself better than them.

8. I'm sorry to every person (especially guys) whom I've ever misled or lied to. Everyone deserves to know the truth.

9. I apologize to anyone I've forgotten to apologize to.

Ok, well, I think I feel adequately humble now.

Rock on.
Rock out.
-Whit

Awwww :(

raien — 2004-05-01T09:05:00-05:00

Stephanie just left. It's sooo sad. She was crying, all the girls were crying. But she's going to come back and I'm going to go visit her in France.

Marvin's gone! Kristie sent him to Medera, and she didn't tell me he was going so I never got to say goodbye. And he was so awesome. Spot's gone too. Gretta and Zoe are going next week. Everybody's leaving! :'(

I have AP tests next week. I should start studying this weekend. Ugh.

Ok, well I'm out.
-Wit

I stole this from Jen, who stole it from Rachel.::::15 Random Favorites

raien — 2004-05-02T09:05:00-05:00

::15 Random Favorites::
1. Sex
2. Strawberries and cream
3. My cat
4. My friends
5. Sniggling
6. Large amounts of alcohol
7. Sushi
8. The Beatles
9. Summer vacations
10. Europe
11. My bed
12. Aeromsith
13. Parties
14. Long make-out sessions
15. Ren fest

::14 Favorite Foods::
1. Pizza
2. Sushi
3. Vegetable lasagna
4. Strawberries and whipped cream
5. Chocolate
6. Mint chocolate chip ice cream
7. Vanilla yogurt with granola
8. Cheese
9. Wheat Thins
10. Chocolate Pudding
11. Jello
12. Lemon sorbet
13. French fries (with Old Bay and vinegar)

::13 Most Watched Shows::
1. That 70's Show
2. Friends
3. One Tree Hill
4. CSI
5. Mad Mad House
6. Will and Grace
7. South Park
8. King of the Hill
9. The Simpsons
10. Yeah...nothing else...
11. I don't really watch tv...
12. Those are like all the shows...
13. I've ever seen in my entire life.

::12 Good Bands in your Opinion::
1. The Beatles
2. Aerosmith
3. Audioslave
4. Marilyn Manson
5. Blink 182
6. Red Hot Chili Peppers
7. Jimmy Buffett
8. The Darkness
9. The Goo Goo Dolls
10. Matchbox 20
11. 311
12. REM

::11 Memories::
1. Crashing my Dad's car
2. Homemade ice cream at my birthday parties
3. My brother jumping off the banisters
4. My cat jumping in the toliet and my brother pissing all over her
5. Homecoming last year
6. Giving away all of my stuffed animals
7. Emily's party last summer
8. Watching porn with Emily (lmao)
8. Jen getting pregnant after eating the Tofurkey Jerky off the floor in the subway station
9. Going to NYC with Sam and Erin
10. Going to K-mart after Rachel coated my head and face in peanut butter
11. Taking my boat to the Bahamas

::10 Close Friends::
1. Erin
2. Jen
3. Emily
4. Rachel
5. Mark
6. Mel
7. Chris T
8. Maggie
9. Stephan
10. Ed

::09 Things you're looking forward to::
1. Going to college
2. Hooking up with tons of people in college
3. Prom
4. Homecoming next year
5. France and England this summer
6. Falling in love
7. Getting a car
8. Road trip to Europe after senior year with Erin
9. Being a journalist for National Geographic

::08 Things you wear daily::
1. Thong
2. Pants
3. Penatcle pendant (from Jess, on chain from Em)
4. Pentacle ring
5. Engagement ring from Emily
6. Make up
7. Bra
8. Shirt

::07 Things That Annoy You::
1. Telemarketers
2. Freshmen
3. My overbearing parents
4. Sunburn
5. Mosquitos
6. Cleaning up cat barf
7. Losing things

::06 Things You Touch Everyday::
1. My hair
2. My bed
3. Mark
4. My friends
5. Books
6. The N64 controller

::05 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over::
1. 40 Days and 40 Nights
2. The Nightmare Before Christmas
3. American Pie
4. Titanic
5. Pirates of the Caribbean

::03 People You Have Kissed::
1. Mark
2. Ed
3. Melissa

::02 Of Your Favorite Songs::
1. This Love
2. Yellow Submarine

::01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With::
1. Jen and Emily (they're both really skinny, they count as one person). Or Erin. She's my sister. Or Rachel. Though I think we'd kill each other.

Great Weekend

raien — 2004-05-02T09:05:00-05:00

Wooooo.

And on Saturday, God got drunk.

And it was good.

I got drunk last night. It was awesome. I really needed that. And I shocked myself with my self control. I am amazing.

So I spent all day today studying for hell week (AP tests dun dun dun). I have Euro on Friday, then Chem on Tuesday, ugh.

I'm a doorknob.
Everyone gets a turn.

I'm sorry I distanced us darling.
I never meant to hurt you.
You mean everything to me.
-Wit

Damn, do me like that again.

raien — 2004-05-03T04:05:00-05:00

I stole this from soemone's blog. You should do it too becuse peer pressure is a beautiful thing.

Name: Whitney
Age: 15
Birthdate: 7/1/88
Sex: Yes please.
Hometown: Edgewater
Shirt size: Ummmm, depends on the shirt?

How many...
Countries have you visited? 8
Dollars did you make an hour at your last job? $10
People have you slept with? 3
CDs do you have? Over 100
Pets do you have? 6
How many AIM screen-names do you have? 2
How many girls/guys have you dated? 11
How many times have you made Honor Roll? I've never not made it...
Boy/girlfriends do you have? 1 (Actually, 17, but don't tell anyone.)

Of all of your friends, who...
Is the hottest? Chad Michael Murray (Yeah, he's my friend)
Is the tallest? Josh
Is the shortest? Katie
Has the best body? Casey
Is the skinniest? Melissa
Is the most sexually motivated? Melissa
Has the longest hair? Jen
Has the shortest hair? Chris W (I think)
Have you known most intimately? Wow...uh Mark...or Erin
Would you sleep with? All of them.
Would you kiss? All of them, I already have.
Have you known the longest? Erin
Do you consider your best friend? Erin

What's you favorite...
Color? Red or green
Girl's name? Kennedy
Boy's name? Cameron
Body part? Neck
Lindt chocolate truffel flavor? Wow...that's out there...hmm, mint or dark chocolate.
Movie? Dr. Zhivago
Book? God, I don't know...I've read sooo many...Maybe Grapes of Wrath or The Scarlet Letter
TV show? That 70's Show
Room in your house? My bedroom
Subject in school? English or Ecology (Even though our school doesn't have an ecology class...grrr)
Animal? Cat, Horse, Three Toed Sloth
Month? September
Day of the week? Friday
Holiday? Samhain (That's Halloween)

My City

raien — 2004-05-04T05:05:00-05:00

Long legged shadow
Trails along the sidewalk
Distorted (over curbs and potholes)
The city smog (wet, summer)
Cut the humid air like butter
Drink it like a milkshake
Haul in toxins with every breath
Carcinogens stand in line to enter the lungs
(Take a number, customer service desk,
then right at the aorta.)
Neighbors slowly dying, one by one
From drive by shootings, bar fights, gangs
From cancer, AIDS, insanity
Driven mad by crowds and heat
(Which rises from the sidewalk in sultry waves)
Feral cats reign in the alleys
Marking territories, serving queens
Bums with styrofoam cups and shopping carts
Signs declaring the reasons behind their misfortune
(Army vet, Lost a leg in 'Nam)
(Orphaned, Spent all my money on dope)
Whores stand on the street corners
Wearing plastic bustiers, knee-high boots and dollar store panty-hose
Sweat dripping between their breasts
Hoping to get another trick
To earn a buck to feed the starving kids, waiting at home
For their prostitute mothers
Flashing blue lights speed by, sirens wail
On their way to stop a murder that's already happened
A murder that happens everyday
The people, tougher here
Colder, with hard faces and harder fists
(But they have to be)
Only the strongest survive

Arrrrrrrrg

raien — 2004-05-08T12:05:00-05:00

Ok, it's official. My parents are the worst people in the world.

So all week, I told my Mom that I was going to Ricky's house Friday night for Tiny's birthday party. On Thursday night, she says she doesn't want me to go.

I don't think you can go.
Why not?
Because I'm not going to be home on Friday night.
Yeah, so what?
Well, who's going to drive you home?
I can get a ride from someone.
I don't think I trust you to do that.
Why not?
Away from parental supervision, you'd probably pull over into a parking lot and have a quickie with some boy.
...

Then I went into a long rant about how my sex life is none of her business. She tells me that of course it's her business.

So then Friday night, I've almost convinced her to let me go, and my father screams, "Dammit, Lynne, just don't let her go."

End of that conversation.

Do you know why my asshole of a father said that. Not because he thinks I'm promiscuous, he doesn't know about any of that.

It's becuse he had a bad day at work. Thus, no one should have a good day. I'm serious.

God I hate my parents.

So out of the two parties I was supposed to go to yesterday, I went to none, zero, zip.

And I promised Em I'd hang out with her on Friday. (I'm sorry sweets :( I really wanted to.)

And I think I'm going to be stuck here all day today. Dammit. One more party down the proverbial drain.

Fuck them.

Someon eplease come abduct me?
-Wit

I stole this from Emily, whom I love very very much...she lives with me in our yellow submar-dammit.

raien — 2004-05-09T10:05:00-05:00

LAYER ONE:
Name: Whitney
Birthplace: MD
Gender: female
Eye Color: green
Hair Color: Brown
Height: 5'8ish
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Cancer

LAYER TWO:
Your heritage: English, French
The shoes you wore today: None as of yet
Your fears: Not achieving what I'm capable of
Your perfect meal: Chinese vegetable lo mein, Fried rice, hot and sour soup, Diet Sprite, and mint chocolate chip ice cream for dessert (With all the calories removed.)
Goal you'd like to achieve: Stop slacking in school, graduate top 5 in my class, visit all the places I want to visit, be fluent in French, save peoples lives.

LAYER THREE:
Your thoughts first waking up: What the hell am I going to wear today. Oh, yeah. Black.
Your best physical feature: My eyes, or my hands, I have really long fingers.
Your bedtime: During the week like 11 or 12, on the weekends whenever I get tired.
Your most missed memory: Sitting in bed with my parents when I was little and when we still got along, and drinking the orange juice that my Dad would bring my Mom every morning. That was the only time I ever drank orange juice.

LAYER FOUR:
Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: Chick-a-Fila!
Single or group dates: It depends. Group dates are usually more fun, but single dates are more romantic and personal.
Adidas or Nike: I have a pair of Adidas flip flops that are really spiffy.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: None of that cold sugary crap, I'm British, how dare you.
Chocolate or vanilla: Depends.
Cappuccino or coffee: Both. God I love coffee.

LAYER FIVE:
Smoke: No
Cuss: Fuck yes
Sing: Some times, I can when I put my mind to it
Take a shower: Every day, but like 4 times a day in the summer becuase I swim in the bay.
Have a crush: No
Do you think you've been in love: Yes
Want to go to college?: NYU baby
Liked high school?: Not really
Want to get married: No...marriage is a stupid government institution...plus I've never really been one for commitment
Get motion sickness: No
Think you're attractive: Not really
Think you're a health freak: I'm weird about food.
Get along with your parent(s): No
Like thunderstorms?: Love them
Play an instrument: No

LAYER SIX:
In the past month...
Drank alcohol: Hell yes
Smoked: No
Done a drug: Alcohol is a drug...
Had Sex: Yes
Made Out: Yes
Gone on a date: Yes
Gone to the mall?: Yes
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Ewwww I hate Oreos
Eaten sushi: Yes
Been on stage: Yes, especially if you count just walking across it, I do that like every day.
Been dumped: No
Made homemade cookies: Yes
Gone skinny dipping: No
Stolen anything: No

LAYER NINE:
In a girl...
Best eye color?: Bright green
Best hair color?: Platinum blonde
Short or Tall: Tall and rail thin
Best articles of clothing: Whatevers hot

LAYER TEN:
Number of drugs taken illegally: 1
Number of piercings: One (But I'm getting my ears and eyebrow done this summer.)
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: A bunch...
Number of scars on my body: Far too many...
Number of things in my past that I regret: A few things, but I'm not really one for regret.

Dammit don't make me doubt myself.

raien — 2004-05-09T11:05:00-05:00

I guess sometimes I delude myself. I make myself think that maybe things are perfect, maybe things will turn out ok. Then someone drops a hint and bam.

It hits me.

Things aren't the way they seem. You're just fucking me over. Lying to me.

And you think I don't see it.

Do you think I'm stupid? Blind? Gullible? Disillusioned?

Well maybe I was.

Maybe I am.

But I can't help it. I'm just trying to be an optimist. Just trying to see the brighter side of life. Find out if there really is a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow.

But I can't do it anymore. Not if you can't even be honest.

no subject

raien — 2004-05-09T11:05:00-05:00

Tell Me About Your Sex Life?
by electronicoffee
Username
Sexuality
Favorite Postion Anything goes, as long as its rough
Secret Fetish heavy machoism [take]
Age of Lost Virginity 15
Bedroom Talent you are seductively submissive
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

One more crazy survey thing...I'm so bored.

raien — 2004-05-09T12:05:00-05:00

Name: Whit, The Whit, Wit, Whitney, Raien, Boot

Names you wish you had: Uhh, I dunno. I kinda like Boot. ::sheepish grin::

Age: 15 (Almost 16!!!)

Favorite Bands: Goo Goo Dolls, The Beatles, Aerosmith, APC, Audioslave, REM, Blink 182, Dashboard, AFI, Rage Against the Machine, The Darkness, Weezer, Nirvana, Three Doors Down, 311, Mozart, The Clash, Sum 41, Maroon 5, Eminem

Bands you are convinced were spawned by the Antichrist: Good Charlotte, N*sync, Avril Lavigne

T.V. shows that you love: That 70s Show, South Park, One Tree Hill, Friends

worst cheesy jokes ever: "How do you blindfold a Chinese person? With dental floss." (I hate Racial slurs.)

worst pickup lines ever: "I wish I had a library card, becuse I'm checking you out."

Albums you bought that you later regretted getting: Hmmm. I dunno. I guess Avril Lavigne, last year.

Albums you listen to regularly (and get better everytime): Goo Goo Dolls (Dizzy up the Girl), Marilyn Manson (Marilyn Manson), The Darkness (Permission to Land), Rocky Horror soundtrack

Movies that you watch all the time (and the best line from each): Pirates of the Caribbean (But why is all the rum gone???), Finding Nemo (Bubbles!!! My bubbles!)

Movies you just didn`t get: Once Upon A Time in Mexico

Qualities you look for in a boy/girlfriend: Intelligence, physical attraction, sense of humor, not-boring

Sexiest female celebrities: Anglina Jolie, Britney Murphy, Jennifer Aniston, Marilyn Monroe

Sexiest male celbrities: Chad Michael Murray, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Brad Pitt, George Clooney

Don't waste your breath

raien — 2004-05-09T10:05:00-05:00

Put your cards on the table
Tell me what you want
I can't make it better
If you don't tell me where it hurts

no subject

raien — 2004-05-09T11:05:00-05:00

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more, no less.

You can ask me anything you want.

Then I want you to go to your weblog, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

I can hear the blood moving in your veins.

raien — 2004-05-11T08:05:00-05:00

Yay! I finally got internet, phones and power back! There was this crazy storm on Sunday night, and a tree fell down on a power line in my neighborhood. So of course, every signle power line in the neighborhood catches on fire. Thus, no phones, cable, internet, or power. I spent a lot of time reading and bouncing on the trampoline. What fun.

I went shopping today! I got three new books, and I went to Whole Foods. Which was excellent, because I'm going on a field trip tomorrow, so I bought an awesome lunch. ::drumroll please:: I got sour dough rolls, a lemon bar, fruit leather, and sushi. Yes! Yay for being a hippie!

Go Kerry 2004!

So Emily, Jen, and I have our Halloween costumes all worked out. We're going to get black leather corsets and dress as the three vampire chicks from Van Helsing. Oh yeah, baby.

This is hell week. Today was my AP Chem test, which was no good. Tomorrow, I have Improv, then I'm helping the middle school theatre group, then I have a National Honor Society induction ceremony to go to. Thursday I have to help out with the middle school play and then heaven help me, finish getting ready for the improv show. Friday is the improv show, then Emily and I are DEFINATELY hanging out. We'll see if I live through it.

Alright, well I'm out.
-Whit

I'm sinking.

raien — 2004-05-12T10:05:00-05:00

Today was crazy.

There's black paint all over me.

No good.

Shiiiit

raien — 2004-05-16T04:05:00-05:00

I sincerely apologize to everyone for all the drama that went on last night. It was so retarded and unnecessary. It wasn't all my fault, and I believe a lot of it was just blown completely out of proportion. But I was being a bitch and definately overreacting.

But hey, what can you do?

Some of you guys told me some things last night that I would rather have not been told, because I feel kind of bad for keeping those things secret. But I will, because I know you guys would keep my secrets. So I'm going to turn off my conscience, even though I want you to know I don't approve of this.

So yeah, I hope I didn't fuck up anyone else's life too badly. Because I have totally fucked up mine. Good grief, how many times before I learn from my mistakes?

Trying to reconcile with myself, without causing too many bodily injuries.

-Whit

no subject

raien — 2004-05-16T10:05:00-05:00

Rednecks
Circle I Limbo
Saddam Hussein
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind
Avril Lavigne
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow
Osama bin Laden
Circle IV Rolling Weights
Creationists
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled
River Styx
The Pope
Circle VI Buried for Eternity
River Phlegyas
Republicans
Circle VII Burning Sands
Dick Cheney
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement
George Bush
Circle IX Frozen in Ice
Design your own hell

Survey thing

raien — 2004-05-17T10:05:00-05:00

Using band names that you like, spell out your name:
B-Blink 182
O-OAR
O-Our Lady Peace
T-Tool
S-System of a Down

Have you ever had a song written about you? Hm, I don't think so.
What songs makes you cry? My Immortal by Evanescence and 100 Years by Five for Fighting
What song makes you happy? Anything from the Rocky Horror soundtrack, Feeling This by Blink 182
What do you listen to before going to bed? It depends

a p p e a r a n c e

HAIR COLOR: Light brown
SKIN COLOR: Uhh....fair I guess
EYE COLOR: Green-brown-hazel-grey, they change
PIERCINGS: Just my ears, but I'm getting my eyebrow done
TATTOOS: None

r i g h t n o w

WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: My balck riding pants
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: Nothing
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: Nothing
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: Pretty hot, not exactly sure
HOW ARE YOU?: My head hurts, and its been a crazy day, but I'm surviving.

d o y o u

GET MOTION SICKNESS?: No
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: Undoubtedly
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: No
LIKE TO DRIVE?: Im getting my Learners on Wednesday!

f a v o r i t e s

TV SHOW: That 70s Show
CONDITIONER: Pantene Pro-V
MAGAZINE: National Geographic
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Any diet soda
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Anything! lol, no I'm serious
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: Sex, hang out, shop, sex, sleep, run, sex, jump on my trampoline, sex...
BAND or GROUP or SINGER: The Beatles

h a v e y o u

BROKEN THE LAW: Yes
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: No
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: Yes
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: Yes (Ha ha guys)
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: Yes
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: No
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: Yes
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: Yes
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: Yes
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: Yes...and I crew them...Good lord
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Yes

l o v e

BOYFRIEND: Yes
GIRLFRIEND: Nope
SEXUALITY: Straight
CHILDREN: Never!!!
CURRENT CRUSH: Mark! Yay! Ha ha Boots is a spaz.
BEEN IN LOVE?: Yes
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: Yes
BEEN HURT?: Yes
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: I don't really believe in regrets
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: No

r a n d o m

YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: Rocky Horror soundtrack
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: Green
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: Hanging out with my friends
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: Hmmm, probably Em, Jen, Mark, and Mel.
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: Beth Hart
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: Em, Jen, Mark, Mel, Matt, Erin, Jess, Chris
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: Chill, shop

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t

TIME YOU CRIED?: Today, which is weird, I never cry
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: Hmmmm...A while ago
THING YOU PURCHASED: Shakespeare anthology yesterday
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: No idea
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: Kill Bill Vol. 2

y o u r t h o u g h t s o n

ABORTION: Pro-Choice
TEENAGE SMOKING: Against
SPICE GIRLS: Eh
DREAMS: Dreams are only fantasies, make them come true
DEATH: Reincarnation baby!

You can say whatever you fucking want.

raien — 2004-05-18T08:05:00-05:00

Sure, change your story. Take advantage of her, turn her against me. Is that what you want?

Go ahead.

If you can manage it with your smooth lies and your honeyed words, then I wish you luck.

Have fun with that Kharma of yours.

Don't even try

raien — 2004-05-18T09:05:00-05:00

So, she's ok you slept with her boyfriend, why aren't I?

For one, I think you ruin far too many relationships.

For two, you told Jen it was 5 months. You sat there while Jen bitched me out and called me a liar. Yet you were lying all along.

Maybe Jen is ok with you sleeping with her boyfriend and then lying about it, but I'm not ok with you lying to me and blaming me and making me hate myself.

I do enough of that already.

Damn you.

I loved you so much. You were my best friend. God dammit I loved you so much.

You broke my fucking heart.

The Whole Story

raien — 2004-05-19T10:05:00-05:00

Here is the whole story, from my point of view. I don't lie. If anyone wishes to debate this, please be my guest.

On Saturday night, at Mark Timothy Judy's sixteenth birthday party, Rachel Elizabeth Evans told me that she had slept with Richard Battle about two weeks prior. (Spelled p-r-i-o-r for those of us who are illiterate.)

On Sunday night, I, being unable to deal with such horrifying news, told Emily Jane McGady what Miss Evans had told me on Saturday night. I may or may not have mentioned the time period at that point in time, but that data is not really relevant.

Miss McGady reports that she was shaking with anger. Since we were communicating over the telephone, I cannot really verify that she was shaking with angry, but I certainly do not disbelieve it.

On Monday morning, Miss McGady and I came to the conclusion that Jennifer Lynn Goldman needed to be informed of this tragic event. Miss Evans insisted that she would inform Jen of this matter after Mr Battle had left for college, but Miss McGady and I persisted. Upon telling Miss Evans that Miss Goldman needed to be informed, Miss Evans burst into tears, therefore assuming the position of the victim. (Of course, this was apparantly an act, because Miss Evans is the perpetrator. Yet, she seems to like being a martyr.)

It was my original intention to let Miss Evans explain this event to Miss Goldman, but I was unable to sit next to my best friend for 86 minutes in first period and not tell her what had happened. (I'm sorry, but I'm not very good at lying to my best friends. Please excuse me.)

After informing Miss Goldman, she became very distressed and angry. She then thanked me for telling her and assured me that she would not have wanted to hear this news from Miss Evans.

The rest of the day was nothing but misery for poor Miss Goldman, who had been stabbed in the back by her "best friend". Due to an eyewitness, Melissa Kathleen Bradley, Miss Goldman was sobbing all throughout B-lunch.

After school, Miss Goldman and Miss McGady accompanied me home on my bus and we conversed on my trampoline, drank large quantities of soda, and ate an entire bowl of raw brownie batter. We came to the general concensus that Miss Evans was public enemy number one. We were later joined by Edward Clydesdale, and we pursued such activities as swimming and trampoline-bouncing.

On Tuesday morning, nothing much was spoken of the matter because Miss Evans was conveniently not present in the cafeteria, it has been noted that she was (hiding?) with Ryan Dusak in the auditorium. Mr Dusak has declined to make a comment on this issue.

At approximately 2:40 pm on Tuesday afternoon, I was leaving the school after rehearsing my One-Act play with Miss Bradley and Bonnie Gable, on my way to assist the middle school theatre company in their production of The Tales of Sheharazahd. On my way out of South River High School, Miss Goldman approached me and told me that I must have misheard Miss Evans when she told me that she had slept with Mr Battle 2 weeks ago, for Miss Evans had just informed her that the event had occured 5 months ago.

I responded in a perhaps slightly agitated manner because I really did not want to get further intertwined in this mess, which I believe Miss Goldman took as offensive. She then yelled at me as I walked away. (Miss Goldman assures me that she did not mean to yell at me, so I am sorry if I was mistaken.)

At Central Middle School, Miss Goldman gave me the details of the most recent version of the Evans-Battle fiasco. Mr Battle and Miss Evans had slept together about 5 months prior, right after Mr Battle and Miss Goldman had started dating. At the time that this event took place, Miss Goldman was residing at her Grandparents' house and Mr Battle was "not yet in love with her".

Miss Goldman asked me if I believed this version of the story, and yet again questioned whether I could possibly have heard Miss Evans incorrectly when she said "2 weeks".

I was at first reluctant to respond to this, because I have never been big on influencing the decisions of others in their relationships. But I eventually said, and I quote, "No, Jen, I don't belive a word of it. But don't go by what I say, go by what you think is right."

Miss Goldman then left the auditorium. I was not aware of where she went until abou t9 o'clock that night. Her mother, Miss Linda Goldman, called my house, completely unaware of the location of her daughter.

I was quite upset at this point, being sure that Miss Evans had lied to my face and managed to convince Miss Goldman that I had told her untruths.

I got involved in a telephone conversation with Miss Bradley, she called Mr Battle's cellular phone while I was on the line. Here is the conversation, truthfully paraphrased to the best of my ability.

"Ricky, I have to ask you something."
"Yes?"
"When did you sleep with Rachel?"
"Twelve days ago, 5/6/04."

At this point, Miss Evans got on the line and said, "This is none of your business, bitch, fuck off." (I found this to be quite rude an unneccesary, since Miss Evans was not the one being addressed.)

I got off the phone, unable to deal with this news, because I new at this point that my "best friend had lied to me and to Miss Goldman, in a terribly selfish act of self-preservation.

This morning, Wednesday, Miss Goldman and I engaged in what is commonly known as a "screaming match." I perhaps yelled louder than I would on most occasions, but I was caught off guard by the attack from Miss Goldman.

In first period, with Miss Goldman, she assured me that this decison was her own. I told her that I disagreed, but did not push the matter, becuse I am not really fond of manipulating my friends.

I was informed after school today, by a reliable source that will remain anonymous to protect the innocent and unbiased, that Miss Goldman spent quite a few minutes today discussing what a terrible person I am. I was quite sad to hear this, due to the fact that I love Miss Goldman very dearly.

I belive that that is more or less the whole tale, in all its truth and glory. I hope you wil consider what I have said, and if you have any concern about the validity of my account, please, alert me. I am more than open for debate.

In fact, I encourage you to debate it, because some people seem to be angry at me, and I would really like it to be explained to me, so that I may improve my character. I would hate to think that I am basing my hate for my now "ex-best friend" on an untruth.

Thank you, and have a good night.
-Whitney "Boots" Hoot

Ladies is pimps too.

raien — 2004-05-23T08:05:00-05:00

I haven't been home all weekend. It's absolute madness. And I'm sooooo tired.

Friday night I went to Thorn's house with Mark, Em, and Morgan. Good times. Lots of chilling and Hershey's syrup. (I have determined that whipped cream is not a sexy food. It's a sticky food.)

Then yesterday was... just hot. Really hot. HFStival man. Absolutely beautiful. The Cure and The Offspring... just... ahh.... orgasmic. Absolutely orgasmic. No other way to describe it. And Mark, you're just a cool kid. Oh yeah man. ::wink::

Today I went to DC with Mel and Em. Mel went to hook up with Ian, Em and I went to Chinatown, then the Mall, then we more or less circumnavigated the entire city in search of Mel. We got new shoes! It was a lot of fun, I enjoyed it. And we saw this boy on the Metro...good Lord. (Em, I really really wish we were more outspoken and about 6 years older. Life sucks.)

This week is HSA week, which means I get to go to school 3 hours late everyday. Yes! Ha ha, stupid freshmen. So yeah, this week will be good times.

Alright, well I'm off like a prom dress.
-Boots

no subject

raien — 2004-05-24T08:05:00-05:00

PunkyRockaChicka: I said Mom, why is there a picture of a monkey on the countertop? Then I said, oh shit, wait, that's a campaign letter from the president.

That picture, thanks to my wonderful mother, is now affixed to the refrigerator with a magnetic dart, conveniently located directly on Mr. President's cranium.

Thank you and good night.

Sweet Girl

raien — 2004-05-25T07:05:00-05:00

Sweet girl cries
Laying on the sidewalk
Clutching her bloody knee
(oh her virgin blood-
so pure)

Mommy runs to help her
Daddy comes over too
but nobody can save her

Sweet girl cries
Dumped by her boyfriend
for the slut next door
(she never saw it coming-
poor thing)

Sweet girl cries
The needle hurts the first time
But yes worth it for the high
(Shes's starting to
lose herself)

Sweet girl cries
Laying on the sidewalk
In a pool of her own blood
(Not so virgin anymore)

Sweet girl dies
She can't cry anymore
her tears have all dried up

It's not your fault, right? It's never your fault.

raien — 2004-05-26T04:05:00-05:00

Woooo ok I have a B in Algebra. This is no good, because this means that is I get a B on the exam, I'll get a B for the semester. Which is good. But, in order to get a B on the exam, I'll have to study for it. Which I'm not really looking forward to.

Ah well. Such is life.

What's not so good is that I have a C in AP Chemsitry, which means I have to get a B on the exam. And even if I study, that might not happen. Merde.

::sigh:: So how do the rest of my grades look? I have well over 100% in English, an A in Theatre, an A in Honors Chem, a B in AP Euro, an A in Keyboarding, and no idea what I have in French. Hmph. This is no good. My Mom keeps telling me that if I don't pull my grades up, I'll have to go to the community college. She may be right. No good.

Ahh I have so much to do.... I have to at least put a dent into my list of books to read, write a term paper, study for the last test in Algebra II, write a letter to Amnesty International, finish reading King Lear, get everyone to sign my yearbook, and a ton of other stuff. Ahhhh. Too much stress. ::overload::

Ok, well I'm off like a prom dress.

Peace, Love, and Sweet Tunes
-Whit

Deep Shit

raien — 2004-05-27T09:05:00-05:00

I am knee-deep in shit. Oh dear. Totally my fault too.

So today after school, I decide to take Jen home with me and go hang out at my house. We get a ride from Ed, and since we go to D-ville and then Annapolis, I didn't get home until 3:30.

Of course, I didn't take my backpack to school with me today because the only classes I had were Chem and Theatre. So yeah, Mom was a little pissed that I didn't call.

I hope she still lets me go to Goodwill tomorrow.

She did end up letting me go to the mall today though. I saw Shrek 2. It was good.

Ok, well I'm off like a prom dress.
-Whit

So who was it this time?

raien — 2004-05-28T04:05:00-05:00

Woo. Skipped last period today. It was like...Mission Impossible. Maggie and I took the car round, then Lauren, Mel, and Em hopped in. We went to Goodwill.

I got a plaid Catholic school girl skirt (Ha ha Ed) and a silk black button down shirt. Em and Mel got shoes. Maggie got some spandex pants. Oh yeah man.

Yeah, so I went to Mel's after school today with Em. I can't belive Mel is so incompetent that she doesn't know how to cook spaghetti. Yeah, so I cooked spaghetti. We went around asking random people if they had any spaghetti sauce, but they didn't. It was sad.

Ok, well I'm out.
-Boots

Christianity is a cult!

raien — 2004-05-28T11:05:00-05:00

I just got back from youth group with Matt. Since he conned me into going on a Missions trip with him this summer to Michigan, I have to go to youth group with him. It's educational though. I do find the Christian religion to be rather fascinating, even though its rather silly.

So they're Christianizing me. Ahhhh!

Not really.

It would take more than a little Bible reading to Christianize the Whit.

So yeah, going out on the boat this weekend, with Erin. So I'll be gone all weekend, with no AIM. I will have my cell phone with me though, so give me a holler if you need anything.

Oh look at Whit, she is down with the cool kid's lingo. That's right baby.

So yeah, I'll see you all on Tuesday. Have excellent weekends, be they spent in Florida, Philadelphia, New York City, or just lonely Anne Arundel County, MD.

Follow the bouncing gopher.
-Whit

no subject

raien — 2004-05-28T11:05:00-05:00

W Witty
H Hot
I Intelligent
T Twisted
N Nerdy
E Energetic
Y Yummy

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

10 days of school left!

raien — 2004-06-03T06:06:00-05:00

Today was fun. School (which was not so fun), then out to Fridays's with Theatre. There were about 40 people there, it was crazy. The bill came to *chi ching* over $400! Then to the gym with Erin, which was fun. I feel very fit.

I really hope I can work at Beech Grove with Em and Jess!

-Boots

Ahh! Attack of the surveys!

raien — 2004-06-06T09:06:00-05:00

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

SUCK ME OFF BITCH!

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

raien — 2004-06-06T09:06:00-05:00

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Save the environment, plant a tree back in Texas.

raien — 2004-06-08T06:06:00-05:00

Wooo. Tired. I just got back from the gym. I'm sweaty. Ick. Though of course, I find working out to be quite satisfying. It gives me a sense of accomplishment.

I got my Learner's Permit today! I could have gotten it over 2 months ago, but oh well. So that means I can get my license on October 8! Yay! So I'll be driving by Halloween.

I don't think I can work Ren Fest, which makes me really sad. The first week I'm going to be in Oklahoma for my cousin's wedding, the second week I'm going out on my boat, family vacation. I'm really going to miss working there. Sure, the pay is crap, I work at the busiest booth there, and the conditions are even worse than the pay, but I love the people, the sights, the atmosphere. But I'll most likely end up going there every weekend anyway (And spending money that I'm not earning. We'll see how that works out.).

But, I did get to make a deal with my Mother. I said that if I didn't work at Fair, I wouldn't get a job until after I got my license. In exchange for her not having to ferry me everywhere, I get to go camping for one weekend and up to New York City for another. I'm quite elated.

Good times. I'm out. I have a poster to do for AP Euro. Peace.

-Boots

But I don't want to miss you tonight.

raien — 2004-06-09T08:06:00-05:00

Only 39.5 hours left! My Mom took me driving. I didn't hit anyhting this time. Yay! It's very exciting. October 8 is coming up in only 4 months. Then I will be freeeee! Well not really, but more free than I am now.

Today, as I was wearing my pigtails, flip flops, Chuckee-Cheese shirt, and rainbow belt, Matt said, "Good Lord Whitney, one day you look like a soccer mom, the next day you goth it out, and now you're going for the All-American sweetheart motif? Could you be any more radical in your clothing selection??" I thought it was rather comical. I enjoyed it.

So yeah, I have an A in French, which I find to be quite mysterious. Maybe Mrs. Asayag doesn't hate me as much as I thought. But of course, there's a catch. In order to keep my A, I have to write one paragraph in the subjunctive, one in the conditional, and one about a movie I saw in French. So there we go. I had better get cracking.

I'm off like a prom dress.
-Boots

Chinese Food

raien — 2004-06-10T07:06:00-05:00

So, I open up my Fortune Cookie, it reads:

"You will have much sex."

I blink and then suddenly realized it said:

"You will ahve much success."

The disappoinment of my evening.

-Boots

Who are your friends?

raien — 2004-06-10T08:06:00-05:00

Emily: Emily is by far the best person I know, if you count best to be most moral, honest, tactful, and dependable (not to mention beautiful). I don't believe I've ever heard Emily tell a lie. She's bright, funny, amiable, and just terrific all round. Also, she's a harsh judge of charachter, which is not a bad thing. She doesn't take shit from anyone and I'd like to think the fact that she's friends with me says something about me, maybe that I'm an okay person. Emily is up there on coolest people in the world list, way above anyone else I know. Whether it be beading until 7:00 in the morning, tie-dying on Friday nights, or casting circles by the full moon, Emily has always been there for me.

Mark: Mark is one of the most intelligent people I know, which I like to consider to be to my advantage (Dating a moron is no fun. Trust me, I know.). I'm working on my longest and seemingly most fruitful realtionship ever, and I hope it will continue as such. Mark is great to have long philosophical discussions with, it's even more fun when we disagree on a topic, then it turns into a long and occasionally violent philosophical argument. I wish I got to spend more time with him, not having sex necessarily, but just spending time with him. (I've come to the conclusion that sex is overrated and, while fun, rather superficial. Would you rather sleep with someone, or fall asleep with them? Which is more meaningful? Which is a deeper display of love? I'll let you decide.) I love Mark to death, and I'm going to miss him so much when he leaves for the summer.

Jen: Jen is a beautiful person. She's so sweet and non-judgemental. I really do admire her for her ability to forgive. Jen is the best person in the world if you need cheering up. She can always make me laugh. Always. No matter how crappy I feel. She's a pixie, and when she's sad, it rains. When anyone hurts someone that pure, they deserve bad karma forever. Hurting Jen is like kicking a puppy, or pulling the whiskers off a kitten. Could you do that? That's how sweet Jen is. Jen is bright, angelic, and friends with everyone. I can't think of a single person who dislikes Jen.

Melissa: Melissa is amazing. She's beautiful, to say the least. She's talented, an amazing writer, and so full of life. A lot of people misjudge her, because she can be overwhelming in a group situation, but once you get to know her, you realize what a truthful sincere person she is. Mel is the type of person you would never want to piss off, because she'll hunt you down. She won't let anyone take advantage of her. She's probably the strongest person I know.

Erin: I've known Erin only a year less than I've known my own brother. I have been friends with her for so long, it's pretty unbelieveable. We're like sisters. And even though we don't go to school together and have different sets of friends, we're still best friends. It's funny though, because she's probably my only female friend that I've never made out with, and never would. It would be like making out with my sister. Which is not overly appealing to me. She probably knows me better than anyone else on the face of the planet. We fight all the time, squabbling like siblings over trivial things, more like, but I don't think we've ever apologized to one another. It's never been necessary. We just...know.

*So there's my two cents. I just want everyone to know how much I appreciate my friends. They mean everything to me, I don't know what I'd do without them.*

Tender are the words in the obituary, bled by the tears that land on the yellowed page.
-Boots

Your softly spoken words mean nothing to me.

raien — 2004-06-12T12:06:00-05:00

Yesterday was absolute madness. Madness I say.

So after school I was dragged to Melissa's. Dragged, completely involuntarily. Mel's house is as much fun as an asylum.

So what did Em, Mel, and I do? Well we ate raw cake batter ("tapioca pudding"), cleaned up Melmo's room, tried on all her clothes, Emily ate jalepino (sp?) olives, and then we made some bondage porn. No seriously, we did. With duct tape and Mel's digital camera. It was quite enjoyable. But duct tape, when callously removed from the nipple area, does result in a rather intense burning sensation. I'm sure there will be some pictures of a rather naked me published on the internet soon. Oh well. (And I just recently got rid of the last one's published by my dear friend in England.) Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, I guess. Oh well. Could be worse, I suppose.

So then we walked over to Mark's house, Em and Mel left, I hung around. Of course, Mel's Mom ratted me out and called my Mom, who is horrified to learn that I am ::gasp:: hanging out at my boyfriend's house, unsupervised! So she comes over, picks me up, takes me home. Thus, the rather untimely grounding of Boots.

I believe Am-A-lee sadly also received the rath of her respective guardian. Ah well.

So I'm stuck here, more or less. My Mom just goes on and on about how she can't trust me. See the way I see it, this little event should prove that she can trust me. I'm at my boyfriend's house for like an hour, she comes over unexpectedly, and I'm not having sex with him. So yeah. Maybe my logic is warped, but oh well.

About the only place I'm free to go is the gym. So that's where I'm headed now.

So, really, how far down does the rabbit hole go?
-Boots In Solitary Confinement

Antimatter is about 100 times more powerful than a nuclear warhead of the same mass.

raien — 2004-06-13T05:06:00-05:00

I just got back from a night on the boat avec ma famille. Not overly enjoyable, not overly unpleasant. My brother is the most antagonistic person in the world. Double grr.

My cat ate my fish! I've had that damn fish for 3 years. So my Dad wakes up, sees the cat with its nose about 2 inches from a rather mangled, but still flopping beta, and he screams to my Mom and I to come deal with it. Mum scoops the fish back into the bowl, where it flaps around for a few minutes before sinking rather pathetically to the bottom. Mind you, it has been looking sick for a few days, just kind of floating near the top of the bowl. It was a very smart fish, whenever the cat came near it would freeze and sink to the bottom. Which thus prevented it from being eaten until this point. So the poor thing was on its last legs (fins, whatever), but it was unfortunate that its last few minutes were so traumatic.

We may get another fish though. For one, it was quite a nice countertop decoration and conversation starter. For two, the cat will really miss it. Le chat et le poisson had quite an effective symbiotic relationship going on, the cat would drink nice fishy water (eww) and then we would keep filling the bowl, thus the fish got its bowl cleaned quite often.

I'm just worried that the next fish might not be quite as smart and die at a young age.

I guess we'll see.

Ok, I'm out.

Please, don't let me hold you back.
-Boots

You can end the fallacy of innocence, I can see through your smooth contenance.

raien — 2004-06-14T08:06:00-05:00

* There's a lot of bullshit going on, and I just want all of you to know that I'm really not that naive. Please don't think I don't know exactly what's happening, because I'm not stupid, don't insult me. And you're really not overly subtle. I'm not going to start a confrontation, because I have no desire to create unnecessary drama, I'm just letting you know that I know. That's all I'm going to say. *

Yeah so I went riding tonight. Good ride. I got Katie over 4 foot. It was pretty exciting, I've never taken her that high before. She's fun. And I'm going to start working at the barn a couple of days a week, in exchange for extra riding time. Kristie just wants some shit done, and I really have nothing better to do with my summer.

Mmmm. James, in an unusual act of charity, just gave me a chocolate chip cookie. Yum. I wonder what he wants. Hmph. Nothing is free. There is no free lunch (or cookie).

I have my Chem final tomorrow. I have to get at least a B on it to get a B for the semester, and I have a sinking feeling that that's not going to happen. Oh well. Such is life.

Ok, well I'm out.
Beauty is as beauty does.
-Boots

Untitled

raien — 2004-06-14T08:06:00-05:00

it wasn't Me who said that-
was not Me who spread the lies
it wasn't Me who broke You
(yet I'm the one who cries?)

Unrequitted Love hurts most
(like Spear-Thrust-through-the-Lung)
the Seering Pain within the breast
still-though-not as painful as the Tongue

which dost spread a myriad of Sins
(at best) a cacophany of Lust
the Perfect Sphere (how?) it falters
bringing Hate, Fear, then Mistrust

I loved Thee with my whole Heart
I gave my Soul to thine
(don't forget I gave my Body too)
then You broke Me, crushed my spine

if Treachery be my Lover
and Emptiness fill my Soul
then end my Life (just quickly)
drop me in a Lonely Hole

I will rot in Silence
(a Souless fretting Beast)
music shall not calm my Lust
for Agony be my Feast

Yet Another Survey (I Am Bored)

raien — 2004-06-15T08:06:00-05:00

1) Using band names, spell out your first name:
W-Weezer
H-Hoobastank
I-Incubus
T-The Cure
N-Nine Inch Nails
E-Evanescence
Y-Yellocard
2) Have you ever had a song written about you?
Yeah, nad a bunch of poems.
3) What song makes you cry?
My Immortal-Evanescence, 100 Years-Five For Fighting
4) What song makes you happy?
LA Song-Beth Hart, Hey Ya-Outkast, and a bunch of others
5) What do you like to listen to before bed?
Beth Hart, 104.1, 101.1, The Offspring
6) Name a song by Coal Chamber:
Loco
7) Who were your idols when you were younger?
Albert Einstein, Garrison Keeler
8) First album you ever bought?
Spice Girls! I had all of their albums.
9) Name a song that reminds you of someone and why:
Love Song by the Cure reminds me of Mark from HSFtival, Sweet Transvestite from Rocky Horror PS reminds me of Melissa, Silver and Cold by AFI reminds me of Jen because she loves AFI, Just A Little Hole by Beth Hart reminds me of Emily because she's emo and brave

a p p e a r a n c e

HEIGHT: 5'7
HAIR COLOR: Brown
SKIN COLOR: Nicely tanned (ha ha)
EYE COLOR: Greenish (they change color)
PIERCINGS: Ears, but I'm getting my eyebrow, bellybutton, and second hole this summer
TATTOOS: None

r i g h t n o w

WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: Blue shorts
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: Nothing actually

f a v o r i t e s

TV SHOW: That 70s Show, and Kitty is my favorite character
CONDITIONER: Pantene Pro-V Volume Booster
BOOK: Way too many to decide, but I read Angels and Demons yesterday and it was awesome
MAGAZINE: National Geographic
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Virgin Strwberry Daquiris
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Strawberry daquiris, licorice vodka in little Russian men (ha ha ask Maggie about that one), JD, Kamikazis, Martinis on the rocks, Smirnoffs, Mike's hard lemonade and ice tea
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: Party, shop, horseback ride, work out, run, read
BAND or GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: Beth Hart

h a v e y o u

BROKEN THE LAW: ...Yes.
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: Yes
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: No that's really really gross
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: Yes....oh my yes...
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: Yeah lol, in fact I have every intention of skipping tomorrow. I skip all the time.
FALL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: Not that I know of.
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: Yes, and I crew. A lot.
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Yes.

l o v e
BOYFRIEND: Yes! (Marks hot)
CURRENT CRUSH: Mel's grandma
BEEN HURT?: Yes, tragically
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: I don't believe in regrets.

r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: Prostitution. I mean....no. I'm unemployed.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON,WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: Sage green
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: Xanthematic!

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t

TIME YOU CRIED?: A long time ago-I don't cry
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: A long itme ago.
YOU GOT E-MAIL: Like....bam....now.
THING YOU PURCHASED: Ummm. Well I've been grounded. Oh, it was a bottle of Sun-In.

y o u r t h o u g h t s o n

ABORTION: Pro-Choice all the way
SPICE GIRLS: They were like....my favorite.
DREAMS: Can often reveal things you never knew about yourself.

You don't need me.

raien — 2004-06-19T02:06:00-05:00

I have decided that I hate computers more than life. They just suck really really bad. So I'm not going to use them anymore. Well, at least not until school starts back up. Computers are a waste of my time.

So if any of you need to get a hold of me, you're going to have to call me. I'm sorry if that's an inconvenience to you.

Farewell, I'll be back in September, or maybe sometime during the summer.

Au revoir!
-Boots

Stuck in the Moulin Rouge

raien — 2004-07-10T07:07:00-05:00

I just got back from Michigan with Matt's youth group. I learned a lot about Christianity. I like it even less now. If one more person tries to "save my soul" I'm going to send their souls into the afterlife in about 2 seconds flat.

I helped build 5 rooves this week.

Me: Skip this song, the F-word is in it.
Matt: Sarah McLaughlin has songs with the F-word in it???
Me: Yeah...
Matt: But she's like....40!!
Me: What, do you think cursing is like menopause?

I met a beautiful boy this week. I fell in love with him. Maybe not love, but still... We'll call it unbridled passion. (Except for the fact that it was bridled-he was too Christian to have sex with me.) Unfortunately, he's from South Carolina. Why are all the guys I love trapped in the south? ::sigh:: Ah well.

For some reason, I feel overwhelminly depressed. Maybe it's the fact that Matthew and I got in a fight. Or maybe it's just that I haven't talked to any of my friends in weeks. I just feel...disconnected. Lonely, even though I'm surrounded by people.

I'm going to skedaddle. Call me up if you want to hang out.

If only you can see it, does it still exist?
-Whitney

Shake it like a Polaroid picture!

raien — 2004-07-20T04:07:00-05:00

Drivers Ed is the most boring 30 hours of my life. A complete waste of my time. Oh well. At least I'll be getting my license soon.

Yeah, so the rents are out of town-and they took James with them. So Marguerite takes me to Driver's school in the morning, brings me back, then stays here until about 5:00. So Mom says I have to sleep at the neighbor's, but I don't have to go over there until 10:00. I don't get it. She trusts me alone here for 5 hours, but heaven forbid I slept here! I can get into plenty of trouble in 5 hours, let me tell you that! Here are just a few rules I've broken so far:
1. No smoking.
2. No drinking.
3. No friends over.
4. Definately no boys over.
5. No boys ever allowed in your bedroom.
5. No boys EVER allowed naked in your bedroom.
Oops. Well hopefully Mommy dear will never learn of any of this. I think I'm ok, the trash and recycling got taken out today and I think all the smoking/drinking/etc. evidence was removed. Hopefully.

One catch though. Mommy dear has people staying in our empty slip at the dock, so there were people in my house to use the bathroom, laundry, etc., and they definately saw that I had guests over. I just hope they don't say anything to my parents, because that would be the end of my life. The very end. And certainly the last time they left me here alone.

So yeah. I might go see the Producers tomorrow in DC with Ricky, Jen, Thorn, Leo, Rachel, Christina, Dusak, and Brett. Yeah man! Good times all round.

Ok, well I'm going to go take a shower, wait for Mum's secretary to leave, and then have people over. He he more rule breaking.

You know you're just a couple of rich white girls when you're sitting in your shed drinking Merlot and smoking Ultra Lights.

-Boots

Everybody like parfaits!

raien — 2004-07-22T02:07:00-05:00

The theatre was so much fun last night! It was me, Thorn, Jen, Ricky, Rachel, Ryan, Christina, Brett, and Leo. We saw Sheer Madness at the Kennedy Center, which, I might add, is an absolutely gorgeous theatre. And the play was so funny! Gay humor and sexual innuendos galour! I'm really surprised they didn't kick us off the Metro. We were so friggin loud. Great times though. We should do that more often.

So today I went to Driver's Ed, which was painfully boring as usual. But hey, what can you do? I need a license.

But the nice thing is that I'm getting a job at CVS which is really close to my house, so I won't have to drive there, thus I can get a job before I get my license. Of course, I'll see how I manage to balance work and school.

I've got to go to the bank today and deposit more money int my now reasonably sized car fund. I might rethink the Sebring convertible, though, because it would be nice to have money left over. But we'll see I guess. I really do love that car though...

Only 7 days left til Europe! Yay!

Extra extra read all about it! One more killer goes free!
-Boots

If I had a million dollars, I'd buy a spaceship. A pink one.

raien — 2004-07-29T12:07:00-05:00

Maybe it's the feeling of not being in control. Maybe it's the unnatural pressure of the air. Maybe it's the mass of people jammed into such a small space. I don't know what it is. But I hate flying.

Tonight, I will be in an airplane, flying across the Atlantic Ocean, for 7 hours. I'd rather take a boat. Nevermind a boat, I'd rather take a raft. Anything but a damn airplane.

I'm not afraid of flying. I'm not even afraid of getting in a plane crash and dying. I suppose I just hate the fact that if I was to die, my family would die with me.

Of course, statistics show that I'm not going to die on that plane. And I most likely won't. And I'm aware of that fact. Death doesn't concern me.

I hate the smell. That airplane smell. Stale air, sweat, chemicals, airline food (Limp lettuce, spongy yellow cheese, rubbery chicken). And the noise. It's just so...loud. Maybe if everyone just sat for a moment and didn't say anything, I could breathe and stop panicking.

But that will never happen. No one appreciates the value of silence anymore. People find it necessary to fill their lives with mindless chatter. Of course, I too am guilty of this atrocity, but at least I am aware that it is an absolute sham.

The constant rambling is just that, a sham. People lying, exagerating, stretching the truth, whatever you want to call it. They sit on that plane, next to someone they will never exchange words with again, and blatantly lie, to make themselves seem more interesting.

Well, my daughter just graduated from Harvard and my son got a full scholarship to Yale. Where did I go to school? Oh, Oxford.

It's just a big competition. Everyone wants to seem more impressive than the person sitting next to them. Which I understand, but sometimes, it gets out of hand.

You might have gone to Oxford, but Bill Clinton is my uncle and I'm engaged to be married to a member of the British royal family. And my mother? She used to date Brad Pitt, but she left him because he didn't have enough money. My father is way up there in Microsoft, second only to that Bill Gates fellow.

People on airplanes are the best liars. They have to be, or they'd never survive. It's a passenger eat passenger world up there.

Act One of "England: Why I Love It"

raien — 2004-08-02T09:08:00-05:00

SCENE 1: Grandad is sitting out on the patio, with a gun across his lap. Mum enters.

Mum: What the hell is that for?

Grandad: It's a pellet gun. It's for the bloody squirrels. They keep eating the bloody birds' bloody food. (Accentuate the word "bloody" as much as possible, and thank the Lord for good English slang.)

Mum: Isn't that how you broke the shed window?

Grandad: No, lovie, that was the catapult.

SCENE 2: In the family room, Grandad and Dad (AKA Embarrassing overzealous American twat) are out for the evening. Mum, Nana, Whitney, and James are sitting in various chairs. Whitney is in Grandad's chair, merely hoping that he doesn't come home early and find her in it. She's much too tired to outrun the pellet gun.

Nana: Damn, I've broken my glasses.

Mum: Where are they?

(Nana continues to stare blankly ahead.)

Mum: Mum? Mum? MUM?

Nana: (Turns.) Yes, love?

Mum: Where are they? (In a loud voice, on account of Nana's near deafness.)

Nana: Where are what, love?

Mum: Your glasses.

Nana: Oh...I'm sitting on them.

SCENE 3: Whitney, James, and Mum in the hardware store, in Wollaston Village. James has to get a new watch battery and Grandad knows the man who owns the shop. Grandad has instructed James to tell the store owner (Chris) that he is Grandad's grandson.

James: I need a watch battery.

Chris: Alright, lad, that'll be two pounds seventy-five.

James: Do you know Bert Maile?

Chris: Yes, lad, are you related?

James: Yeah, he's my Grandfather.

Chris: (Very gravely.) Well, son, everyone has their cross to bear. He just happens to be yours. I do apologize though. That's an awful lot of cross to bear.

(James, chuckles, unsure as to whether or not he's serious.)

Chris: Mind you, I like him rather a lot. Though he can be grumpy sometimes. But then again, maybe that's why we get along so well. (As an afterthought.) By the way, your Grandfather asked me to order this furniture polish special for him, so I placed an order. Will you take him a can?

(Back at the house, Grandpa is sitting at his computer.)

James: Grandad, Chris at the hardware store ordered this special for you.

Grandad: (Laughs sadistically.) Tell him I don't want it.

END ACT 1

Written and experienced by: BOOTS

Act 2 (Read Act 1 first)

raien — 2004-08-04T01:08:00-05:00

(This one is awfully dramatic, have tissues on hand. Save us all. Good Grief.)
SCENE 1: Whitney is in her bedroom, all wet. (This is not of pornographic nature, she just got out of the shower, you silly prat.) As she's drying off with a towel, she hears a knock.

Whitney: Just a min-

(The door bursts open, and a tall lanky teenage boy with sandy brown hair shoves in, closing the door behind him.)

Whitney: (Yelling) JESUS CHRIST! I'M NAKED! OUT!

Geoff*: You're wearing a towel. It suits you, actually, love. Though feel free to take it off at any time.

Whitney: Geoff, I'm bloody naked! Get out!

Geoff: I've seen you naked dozens of times. We've taken tons of baths together. And you used to run around nudie in my back yard.

Whitney: I was like 4 years old!

Geoff: No, actually, you were like 8. And I was 11. Wow, that's almost pedophilia. Grand.

Whitney: I don't care. That was years ago.

Geoff: I suppose it was. But, if you don't mind me saying, the years have treated you rather well. I don't see you for three, and you come back quite hot.

Whitney: Oh, fuck off. I've been kicking your ass since I was 6 years old. I'll do it again.

Geoff: Just mind you don't drop that towel. Oh, and by the way, I can see a bit of your bum. And-my Gosh-is that inner thigh? You'd better cover that up. Being that you're so prude and all.

Whitney: (Snorts) Prude? Good Lord, we really haven't spoken for three years, have we?

Geoff: Well, I wrote to you. You never wrote back. (Glances at her.) I did nick one of the letters you wrote Jenna, though. It was very interesting. Five sexual partners in less than a year, lass? My my, you have been busy.

Whitney: (Blushes.) Bugger off. It's none of your business.

Geoff: Why not make it six, then? I promise you a good time. (He reaches out to touch her, she backs away and shakes her head.)

Whitney: I've been down this road with you before, Geoff. Besides, I have people waiting for me at home.

Geoff: (Looks amused.) People? As in more than one?

Whitney: Well there's one, and then there's the others who expect me to remain chaste on my vacation.

Geoff: Well they're all thousands of miles away. My house is empty, Mum's out for the afternoon and Dad is in Taiwan. No one will ever know.

Whitney: You're wrong, Geoff. I'd know. And I don't want that on my fucking conscience. Plus, it would ruin our friendship.

Geoff: (Angry.) What bloody friendship? Three years, no letter, no phone call, nothing. You told me you'd write once a week! You fucking promised! Three summers ago, you told me you loved me!

Whitney: Christ, I was 13 years old! Have you really been milling this over for 3 bloody years?

Geoff: I missed you so much! You have no idea, you shallow heartless bitch!

Whitney: God dammit, don't start this with me! I live across the fucking Atlantic Ocean! You wanted to maintain a healthy realtionship with a 13 year old 3000 miles away??

Geoff: We could have tried!

Whitney: Ok, so we could have. But it never would have worked. You know that. Calm the fuck down. Nothing that happened three years ago would make today any different. We'd still be fighting over the same stupid shit we always fight over.

Geoff: I never fight! You just pick at me! I was never good enough for you, was I? You always had a fucking better offer. You still do, don't you!

Whitney: What the hell do you want from me? Would it make you happy if I fucking slept with you? Is that what you fucking want from me?

(Geoff is silent for a moment, he stares at the ceiling.)

Geoff: (Shakes his head. Speaks quietly, almost a whisper.) My Mum has always said that you and I would end up getting married.

Whitney: (Quietly.) I know. My Mum has always said that too. They've probably been planning it for years.

Geoff: Yeah...

Whitney: Alright then, let me get dressed. Want to go to the club later? I could use a drink.

Geoff: Can't, I'm going out with some guys from the soccer team tonight. You can come though, if you want. We're just going to a pub near Billy's house.

Whitney: No thanks. But I'll see you tomorrow, then? (Geoff shrugs.) Ok, well whatever. Geoff? (She pauses.) I'm really sorry.

Geoff: No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you can't see it.

Whitney: See what?

Geoff: Nothing, love. (He heads to the door.) Oh and by the way, Mum wants you to come round for tea tomorrow.

(Geoff exits.)

(Whitney sits down on the bed and sighs, completely exasperated.)

END SCENE 1

Terribly stressful day. Good Lord. ::Sigh::

*Name has been changed. No, wait. It hasn't.

Alright well its past 1:00 am here. I've got to get up early tomorrow, Becky and I are going shopping in Burmingham.

-Boots

Why Melissa Bradley is my one true love.

raien — 2004-08-07T09:08:00-05:00

president said: MY PENIS
PunkyRockaChicka: Your penis?? What about your penis???
president said: it's.... so....
president said: HUGE
PunkyRockaChicka: I KNOW...I was sore for a week!
president said: I saw the cure, and this is the conversation me and my new husband had:
president said: "'My penis, my good man, is larger than yours could ever be.'
'Well, why don't we have a look?'
'I'm afraid if I whipped it out, it would slap Robert Smith over there clear across the face, and everyone here tonight would jump me for stopping the show with my grandiose phallus.'"

PunkyRockaChicka: LMAO
president said: I thought you'd enjoy that. As a matter of fact I was thinking about you when I'd said it.
PunkyRockaChicka: lol I believe you
PunkyRockaChicka: I was thinking of you when I accidentally sat on a rolling pin and it went up my ass
president said: LMAOROFL
president said: LOLOLOLOL
president said: LMAOROFL
president said: serious?
president said: Because that would be wonderful.
PunkyRockaChicka: Lol of course....and as I was rectally bleeding, I was thinking of you
president said: lmaorofl
president said: lololol
president said: Hold on
president said: *fart*
PunkyRockaChicka: lol
president said: There. I just thought about you.
PunkyRockaChicka: lmao
president said: We're cracking ourselves up, aren't we?
president said: *fart* *fart* *fart*
president said: :::farts Ode to Joy:::
PunkyRockaChicka: lol I'm like.....falling out of the chair, I hope I don't land on a rolling pin.
president said: :-O
president said: I'm laughing so hard I'm about to piss myself. OH! Don't tell Cole!
PunkyRockaChicka: Ow shit that was a cordless phone
PunkyRockaChicka: God I'm a LOOSE WOMAN
president said: What? What's that you say?
president said: You say you want to listen to an R. Kelly CD?
president said: :::pisses on CD::: There you are.
PunkyRockaChicka: lmao

Dear Diary

raien — 2004-08-07T09:08:00-05:00

Everyone keeps telling me that I should post here about my England trip. So I will. Ok, well I guess I'll start at the beginning.

Friday:
The plane landed at Heathrow in London at about 10 am. Of course it took over an hour to get through customs, even though we got to skip some lines because Mum knows how. There are all theses tricks to get out of standing in lines in airports, they're quite handy. Granddad was at the terminal, then we hopped in his little car with Mom, James, and I squished in the back for the two hour drive to Wollaston. James kept falling asleep on my shoulder and I had to keep plonking him in the ear to get him to bugger off. Cheeky monkey. And his head is quite scratchy. I got back to the house and said 'Hi' to Nan (loudly, she's mostly deaf), but couldn't get to sleep until almost 4 am because of the awful jet lag.

Saturday:
I didn't really do much at all on Saturday. I sat around, read Daisy Miller, and went for a run.

Sunday:
I went to Merry Hill today with Becky and James, and I got my second holes done. The piercing age without parental consent is only 16 here. Mum got a little miffed when she noticed, but oh well. I have every intention of getting my third holes and possibly my cartilage done before I go back to the states. Eat my trousers, Mum.

Monday:
I don't remember what I did, and I can't be bothered to find out.

Tuesday:
I don't remember this as being a very eventful day, though I know I went to the Vine (a pub) with Becky and my family and had lunch. We walked down the canal. Dad, as always, took lots of long-winded video and bothered the other people there. It's a wonder no one has ever shot him.

Wednesday:
Becky and I took the train to Worcester. It was a great day, we basically shopped all day. I bought three new very awesome pairs of pants, one of them being rainbow, thus especially awesome. We had Subway for lunch. The Subway subs here taste mysteriously similar to the ones in the US...hmmm... Then laser tag later that evening, which was smashing. I came in 2nd out of 13. Absolutely fab.

Thursday:
We went to Stratford-Upon-Avon today (that's where Shakespeare was born, you uncultured git). We saw Hamlet performed by the Royal Shakespeare Company. It was quite excellent, though almost four hours long. James cut out after the first half, I don't think he's mature enough to appreciate fine theatre *haughty sniff*.

Friday:
Not much today, though I went to the Vine for lunch again, and then for a walk. We did Laser tag that night, which was fun, but not as good as last time. There weren't as many people playing, and all of them were hiding, so it was hard to move about without getting sniped. Bother.

Saturday:
Today was fun. I shopped all day. Becky, James and I walked into Stourbridge and I hit all the second hand shops. There were loads of them, and a lot of them had really spiff stuff. I got a skirt, a pair of jeans, two tanktops, a black blouse that laces in the front, a backpack, a coffee mug, and an incense burner for less than thirty quid. Not bad, really. We took the bus home though, it was awfully hot for more walking.

Well, that's my week so far. If I remember anything else I did, I'll come back and add it in. I have to go do homework now though, I have sooooo much to do. Blah.

Tuesday Wednesday Heart Attack
-Boots

Paris

raien — 2004-08-13T01:08:00-05:00

I just got back from Paris late last night. It was actually a pretty cool city, though it did take some getting used to.

At least the weather was pretty good while we were there. Except as we were walking to the train station from our hotel, there was a torrential downpour. And it was coming down in buckets. It only lasted for about 15 minutes, but it was enough to get me thoroughly soaked. At least my LeSportSac bags are waterproof, ha ha. But of course, the storm managed to knock-out part of the train line, which meant we had to take a major detour. Thus, we were an hour and a half late arriving in London, we didn't get there until 8:40 pm. Our connection train left from Marylebone station at 8:48. So we ran through the London station, took a train to Marylebone, and ran through that station, only to miss our train to Worcester by 15 minutes. The realy unfortunate part was that the train we missed was the last train going to Worcester. So we ended up catching a train to Birmingham and then having my poor Grandfather drive up there (About 30 miles) at midnight. It's amazing how travelling wears one out.

We got to Paris at about 4:00 on Monday. We checked into Hotel Merryl (Actually, Hotel From Hell), and then we walked to the Sacre Coeur, which is the second highest point in Paris. It took a long time to get up there, and there was this claustraphobic never-ending spiral staircase to the top, but the view was breath-taking. After we climbed down all 500000 stairs, we got on a train and went to the Place de la Concord, which is this fountain and all these monuments. We walked along a very nice street with tons of boutiques, including Prada, Ralph Lauren, Gucci, and Dior. But I didn't buy anything, I was disgustingly practical the entire trip! Of course, the Dior bags were calling to me... For some reason, Dad said he wanted to see the Moulin Rouge. So we went to go see it, which meant we got to walk through the Red Light District. What an eye-opener! There were billboards covered in nude women! I have never seen so many nipples in my entire life. Good Lord. France is so much more liberal than the US.

The first night in the hotel was awful. The room was so tiny and the bathroom was even smaller. There was no air conditioning and it was hot as hell. And at 5 am, construction started right outside, so I didn't get to sleep in past 5:00 all week.

Tuesday morning we got up and walked to L'Arche de Triomphe, which was very pretty. I'd like to learn more about it though, because I really don't know its history. Then we walked to the Musee Marmottan, which has a huge collection of Monet's pieces. There were also some paintings by other Impressionist painters, like Degas and Renoir. It was a very nice museum, though it was off the map and I think it gets overlooked buy a lot of tourists. After that, we took the metro to Notre Dame and walked around inside for a little while. The architecture is incredible, but I guess it didn't really get to me. Maybe if I was deeply Catholic...or even somewhat Catholic...

Wednesday was the best day in Paris. We got up and walked down the Rue de Faubourg Saint Honore, which is where most of the designer boutiques are. It was nice, but I still prefer 5th Avenue. But I guess 5th Avenue might have been better just because it was with you and Sam. My parents are just bums, but ah well. (It has been confirmed that I was born into the wrong family.) After that, we walked to the Louvre. Oh my God, it was incredible! I spent 6 hours in that building, I could have spent 600! And the collection of 19th century French paintings, which are my favorite, was immense! There was just so much to take it. I'd like to spend twenty minutes looking at each piece, but I'd be there for months!

After the Louvre, we went to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Paris is beautiful at night. Not as bright as New York, and kind of sleepy after 7 pm, but still beautiful.

On Thursday we walked through the Latin Quarter, which is where all of the universities are. There wasn't much going on, because no one was in school, but the weather was nice and I had a great salad in a little Bistro.

All in all, Paris was pretty sweet. But Holy Crap its expensive! 7 Euros for a Diet Coke! That's like $8! And they don't call it Diet Coke in France, they call it Coke Light. Same thing though.

(This was actually part of an e-mail that I sent to Erin, but I didn't feel like writing all the same stuff twice. So I just cut and pasted most of it, leaving out a few things that were private and/or irrelevant.)

-Boots-

Mind Games

raien — 2004-08-18T11:08:00-05:00

If and when you count to ten
Go from one and start again
One two three four

Bang bang you're dead.

If I ever see anyone do anything that stupid again in my life, especially one of my friends, I will have a nervous breakdown. Jesus Fucking Christ.

Russian Roulette, right? It's only a game?

Well fuck you.

Mucho Excitement

raien — 2004-08-18T03:08:00-05:00

Guess what Whitney's getting!

Can't guess?

Still not?

A rhinoplasty!

Wooooo! (I hate my nose.)

Mom finally gave up trying to talk me out of it, and I have the money, so I should have it done right after Christmas. So excited. You have no idea.

I'm also considering a tongue piercing, which I might just go and get done today. We'll see.

Ok well I'm going out.
Ta.
-Boots

Current Mood: Elated

raien — 2004-08-19T11:08:00-05:00

I went to London today.

Harrods is a baaad baaaad place.

Oh dear.

Do I really need Dolce & Gabana underwear? Or a Dior tank top? Or a Versace skirt?

Yes.

Rahhhhhhh!

Day of mucho excellence and mucho mucho shopping. Yay for massive spendage of parents' hard earned money!

Just...yeah...good mood.

Didn't get my tongue pierced though. Might do it tomorrow, but I think Mum would find out, and then I'd be in trouble...again.

But she did agree to let me get a piercing of my choice if I get straight A's first semester. That would mean applying myself in school...ugh. So I guess we'll see. I should get my nipple pierced just to freak her out. Of course, I guess I could get that done and she'd never notice... Hmmm...

Ok well I'm going to get offline I think. There's no one online for me to talk to and I'm really bored. Bleh.

Spot my sunshine!
-Boots

Find the girl with the broken smile and ask her if she wants to stay for a while.

raien — 2004-08-23T07:08:00-05:00

Ugh. Woke up at 4:00 again. Stupid jet lag.

Last night was fun, Em, Jess, Chris, and Matt came over. But of course, my brother and his friends are just assholes so they wouldn't leave us alone.

I have so much shit to do before I leave for Oklahoma! And I still have to finish my AP US and my AP English homework. It's really really tempting to just drop AP US... But that would show some sign of sanity, now wouldn't it? So I guess I'll just deal with it. Bleh.

I think I'm going to Six Flags today. Hopefully Em can go, or we'll only have 3 people, which is a bad number for amusement parks.

Bahhh! Mum's bitching at me. Damn her. Damn her to hell.

I'm out.
-Boots

Say it ain't so, I will not go, turn the lights off, carry me home.

raien — 2004-08-23T08:08:00-05:00

Come back from Canada, Monkey, I misses you!

Fun day today. I went to Six Flags with Chase, Christina, Chris, and Matt. It was only from like 12:30 to 3:30, and I think we only did four rides, but it was still awesome. Though I do think Matt may have felt a bit like the fifth wheel... Oh well. And of course I was an hour late meeting him...which I felt really really bad about. Sorry buddy! And I got a pretty necklace. :)

I went driving for a couple of hours this evening. Dad says I'm doing really well and that I should have no trouble getting in the 40 hours by October 9th, which is when I officially can get my license. Yay! And then I have two hours scheduled with the instructor on Wednesday.

What's extra exciting is that Grandad gave me a -ton- of cash, so that majorly increases my car fund. Yay again! That Sebring Convertible is looking quite attainable...

Ok, well I really must work on my homework. I have to finish it all by Thursday, so I imagine I'll be working for a couple hours tonight and then like all day tomorrow. But oh well. I'm really dreading AP US... bleh.

Well, I'm out.
-Boots

(Perfection, like sculpture, is reached not when there is nothing left to add, but rather, when there is nothing left to take away.)

Aggggg

raien — 2004-08-25T06:08:00-05:00

Ok, so I have to be at the airport at like 6:00 am tomorrow. I am not happy. I still have some AP English to do, and I haven't even started my AP US. When I'm going to get all this done, I don't know. Bugger. Bugger it all.

Last night was crazy. I have had enough confrontations with cops to last me several lifetimes. Cops make me nervous. Bleh. Ah well. As long as my parents receive no phone call, I will receive no death sentence. So there.

Ok...so much to do and I don't know when I'm going to find the time to do it. Ah well.

I got film developed, by the way, those shots of Jen's hair last night in the convertible are hilarious!

-Boots

So Fuck off, then.

raien — 2004-08-29T08:08:00-05:00

Yesterday was incredible. I have never been that drunk. I couldn't even hold my damn cigarette. Eventually John just had to hold it in my mouth. It was so funny. Though awfully bad for me.

You know what else is bad for me? Zanax, Valium, and 9 Double Clubs....plus a lot of beer. I should stop stealing my friends' prescription meds.

I met all these people that I've never met before. Some I'm related to and some I'm not.

And we danced. We danced all night. Maybe that's what I miss most. The dancing. I love to dance. It's even better when one is drunk, then one has no inhibitions. I danced with everyone. There were all these people around me...and everyone looked beautiful and everyone was happy...complete unadulterated joy. Why does no one here dance?

I'm going to go finish my mountain of homework.

-Boots

It rains when she cries.

raien — 2004-08-29T09:08:00-05:00

You know what's harsh?

When you finally realize that no matter how hard you try to be perfect, you never will be.

No matter how hard you try to be good, you're always going to fuck up.

No matter how much you want something, you're never going to get it.

No matter how many times you apologize, you can't take it back.

No matter how many lies you tell, you can never change the past.

You can't change what you are. People don't change. They just get scared. And they lie. Sorry.

I'm so depressed. Good Lord.

Life's tough, isn't it?

School tomorrow. Unless there's a plague. Then maybe they'll cancel it.

Summer vacation died. My freewill died with it. Bugger.

raien — 2004-08-30T02:08:00-05:00

First day of school. Back to reality. Here's my schedule:
A Day:
AP Environmental Science
Honors French IV
AP English Language and Composition (C Lunch)
AP US History
B Day:
AP Art History
Honors Pre-Calculus
Journalism
Theatre III-Independent Study

So there we go. I have to scuttle off, time for an orthodontist appointment.

-Boots

(And I will quit smoking, willpower is not an issue.)

I owe you one.

raien — 2004-09-02T09:09:00-05:00

My Mom deserves more respect than I could evergive her. She has been so good to me. You have absolutely no idea.

Hopefully we get to go to the Switchfoot concert tomorrow, yes? That would be super awesome.

18 pieces of art analyzed, 38 to go. Then Pre-Calc homework, Chapter 4 work for AP US, and that might just be it for the weekend.....woooo.

I've been so studious!

I'm out like a light.
Flash!
-Booooots

Meant to Live

raien — 2004-09-04T12:09:00-05:00

Oh. My. God.

I just got back from a Switchfoot concert. It was so fucking incredible!

Jen and I pushed our way through the crowd, and we found this chair, so we stood on it. We had to cling to each other for two hours so as not to fall off. But we were so fucking close to the stage! And we had the best view, front and center, higher than anybody! The music was phenomenal. Chad, the lead singer, pointed at Jen and I. It was so awesome! And they played a bunch of brand new sounds. I'm so happy right now. Elated!

I have to go, time for bed!
-Boots

Woah they redid Mindsay

raien — 2004-09-06T07:09:36-05:00

Sweeeeeet! Mindsay is bangin now! In your face lj!
Yeah, so I got a job today. Cory took me back at Monster Booth! Yay! And I found this really really hot corset that I'm going to buy next weekend. Yes!

And I have an interview at Baskin Robbins tomorrow...so I'll have two jobs! Good Lord...
Ok, well I'm out, still have AP US to do!

Twisted Pixie Wit

raien — 2004-09-08T06:09:47-05:00

Once upon a midnight (moonlight)
Save a soul and say it's alright
Question what the angel said
And slip ye softly off to bed
Broken nails and broken hearts
Where children cry and parents farce
Sharp toothed wit and angry grin
(Jingling bells) Black Ria's in
Pixie girl smiles on the outside
Can't remember last time she cried
On the inside so she bleeds
And oh so slowly she recedes
Broken nails and broken hearts
Where children cry and parents farce
Nothing can be what it seems
When your whole life is only dreams
If moment (perfect) were to last
Only future, forget past
Then maybe all would come to life
And no lost souls spend lonely nights-
-on city streets where people cry
Waiting for their turn to die
Mourning-yet-their loved ones gone
Streaming tears go on and on
Broken nails and broken hearts
Where children cry and parents farce
Saying it will be alright
Slip slowly off on cloud at night

Isn't it ironic?

raien — 2004-09-13T09:09:58-05:00

I really think it's funny how much subtlety people lack. I love all of my peers who walk around, obviously completely miserable or at least pretending to be, and then act like they think no one knows about it. If you don't tell someone you're sad/lonely/upset/etc, they won't know, right? Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong.
See, my theory is that these people just want attention. They want to disrupt everyone else's happy lives with their own misfortune. If they're miserable, no one else has the right to be happy! Of course not! That seems to be a completely foreign concept to most people, the idea that misery doesn't have to be universal.
You can be as amicable as you want, but try not to be so obviously deceptive. And actually, deceptive isn't even the right word, because that requires subtlety! Of which no one has any!
If you are upset with someone, or want something done, then fucking do it. Tell the person why you're upset. Excuse my crude tongue, but don't be such a fucking pussy! Suck it up, and make a confrontation. Worst that can happen? You lose a friend. Oh well. At least maybe you can have some self-respect. And excuse the adage, but no one ever got what they wanted just by wanting it!
One more teeny thing. The masochism? This crazy thing that most people seem to have grown out of, but some people just keep clinging to? Yeah, well, good luck with that. I don't care whether it's cutting, burning, starving, or emotional, but cut it out! Grow up! Not to be hypocritical or anything, but maybe by the time one is an upper classman, one should know better. And even sophomores! Freshmen, fine. They're young, stupid, of course they'll cut. And they certainly don't learn not to from their older classmates!
So there's my two cents for the evening. People need to chill the fuck out. And not start drama. I'm so fucking sick of it, it makes me want to vomit.
Just get some fucking self-respect. Life's tough. Get over it. At least you're alive right? You could be six feet under. Not even grateful for that? Well, fuck you then. Just fuck you!
Now that I've suitably ruffled my feathers, I'm going to go do my APUSH work. Thank you all for making my eveing oh so pleasant, after I just learned that my barn has sold all its school horses and has dropped the lesson program. Not that I'm complaining or anything, but hey, thank you all the same.
I can't be happy all the time.
-Whitney

no subject

raien — 2004-09-19T06:09:25-05:00

bold that which applies.

01. I have a cell phone.
02. I'm obsessed with new things.
03. I'm the youngest child. From my mom and dad.
04. I am a shopoholic.
05. I love my gauged earrings.
06. I love wearing a lot of black eyeliner.
07. I love Daquires.
08. I love the weekends.
09. I can't live without lipgloss.
10. I can't live without music.
11. I lived in Tahoe.
12. I spend money I have.
13. I'll be in college for over 4 years.
14. I love designer handbags (Coach, Burberry, Louis Vuitton).
15. I get annoyed easily.
16. I eventually want kids.
17. I love the Backsreet Boys.
18. I have more than a couple horrible memories.
19. I'm addicted to Degrassi.
20. I am a person.
21. My first kiss was unexpected.
22. I start school on Jan 4th or 5th.
23. I love taking pictures.
24. I hate girls who are fake.
25. I can be mean when I want to.
26. My dreams are bizarre.
27. I am bisexual.
28. I have way too many pairs of shoes.
29. I've seen Shes all That at least 50 times.
30. I dress how I feel that day.
31. I love Charmed.
32. Sometimes I cry for almost no reason.
33. I hate when people are ridiculously late.
34. I procrastinate.
35. Winter is my favorite season.
36. I have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
37. I love to sleep.
38. I wish I was smarter.
39. I am the hottest bachelor [ seein how i am a man! ].
40. I hate drama.
41. No one knows my full story of my life.
42. I love my hair.
43. I sometimes fight with my parents.
44. I love the beach.
45. I have had the chicken pox.
46. I'm excited for the future.
47. I can't control my emotions.
48. I can't wait till New Year's.
49. I love the show 'Rich Girls'.
50. I love my friends.
51. Christmas is my favorite holiday.
52. I can be very insecure sometimes.
53. I have had a broken bone.
54. I hate ignorant people.
55. I love my laptop.
56. I love guys that play in a band.
57. I state the obvious.
58. I'm a happy person (at times).
59. I love to dance.
60. I love to sing.
61. I hate cleaning my room.
62. I tend to get jealous very easily. Boys and friends.
63. I like to play video games.
64. I love John Mayer.
65. I hate when I see animals/people getting hurt/abused.
66. I'm a vegetarian/vegan/don't eat beef.
67. I don't like to study for tests.
68. I love playdoh.
69. I am too forgiving.
70. I have a good sense of direction.
71. I love high school.
72. I have a talent of sweet talking my way out of things.
73. I don't drink enough to get drunk.
74. I love running.
75. I love the color blue.
76. I don't sew.
77. I am not addicted to drugs.
78. I love the Olsen twins.
79. I'm gonna try out for the softball team.
80. I become stressed easily.
81. I hate liars.
82. I like comfy sweatpants.
83. Bam Margera is AWESOME.
84. I love the smell of fresh laundry.
85. I love my family.
86. I don't mind getting shots.
87. I am a perfectionist when it comes to certain things.
88. I always wanted to learn to play the drums.
89. I hate the feeling of failure.
90. I love having my neck bitten.
91. I would love to have my own fashion line.
92. I can be quite selfish.
93. I still act like a little kid sometimes.
94. Above all, I despise dishonesty.
95. I can stay on the computer forever.
96. I love music.
97. I wish I were more motivated when it comes to school.
98. I love getting stuff in the mail.
99. I have problems letting go of people.
100. I hate the feeling of being alone.

Maybe if I just went away for a little while, then would things be ok?

raien — 2004-09-20T08:09:08-05:00

Awww, I went riding tonight. So sad. My riding muscles have all but disappeared. I haven't ridden since, oh maybe June. It's really really depressing. :(
And who knows when I'll get to ride again, with me searching for a new barn and all.
Holy shit, it's after 8pm. I just realized that and I have a ton of homework to do! A 50 page chapter to read in that awful dry AP US textbook and then 6 essays to write. And I have
Fuckers. Looks like I'll be late in bed.
Ah well.
-Boots

Should be doing homwork...

raien — 2004-09-20T10:09:58-05:00

PunkyRockaChicka (10:18:29 PM): I just plow through stuff. Doesn't mean I'm good at it. If I read something, I get it, it doesn't really matter what it is. I'm not particularly extraordinarily talented at anything, I just kind of absorb things well.
PunkyRockaChicka (10:18:36 PM): I'm like....a knowledge sponge.
CSTphoenix (10:18:41 PM): lol
PunkyRockaChicka (10:19:10 PM): Which makes me give off the impression of being relatively intelligent, though I think that's more due to circumstance than actuality.
CSTphoenix (10:20:16 PM): you are intelligent, although I do have to say that any amount of intelligence, when compared relatively in this country, can make anyone seem...up there.
CSTphoenix (10:20:53 PM): But you really are. I don't think I'd be able to stand you if you weren't the least bit smarter than I on many points...
CSTphoenix (10:21:02 PM): and you are.
CSTphoenix (10:21:32 PM): wow...I think a large chunk of my ego just broke off and died...
PunkyRockaChicka (10:21:49 PM): Yeah....I think I might copy that and save it forever
CSTphoenix (10:21:54 PM): feel free
CSTphoenix (10:24:17 PM): then this year, I noticed something
CSTphoenix (10:24:27 PM): I don't really excel at anything because I don't apply myself.
PunkyRockaChicka (10:24:36 PM): I have the same problem
PunkyRockaChicka (10:24:57 PM): We are in the same boat. And we're going to have to bail it out, or we're going to sink.
PunkyRockaChicka (10:25:03 PM): My metaphor of the evening.
CSTphoenix (10:25:08 PM): agreed
CSTphoenix (10:25:26 PM): and I'm working on it, and learning how to swim - just in case.
PunkyRockaChicka (10:25:41 PM): Yay for continuation of the metaphor!
CSTphoenix (10:25:45 PM): lol
(I love literary devices. Knowledge sponge and sinking boat, two rather aqueous comparisons, a damp simile and a wet metaphor. Oh yeah!)

Sonnet 1

raien — 2004-09-21T09:09:05-05:00

Leap o'er bubbling brook and twist'd stream
Through cobwebs dew-clothed and thorned briar
Watch shrewd wood sprites toil and coy fairies dream
Clever nymphs dance blood red in yonder fire

Oh creatures fair and ugly all at time
Monsters with fragranc'd breath and pointed teeth
Speak thou in silver'd word with fancied rhyme
Tho, watch for blackened heart that lies beneath

Traipsing through the forest deep, get not lost
For cunning spirits roam amid these woods
Neglect thine trail and thee will pay the cost
Raped of thy purse and stolen of thy goods

When thee chooses to wander in yon fern
Mind spirits or sharp lesson will be learn’d

So much for my happy ending.

raien — 2004-09-22T04:09:06-05:00

This whole 'me getting straight As' thing....it's weird. I guess I'm just not used to getting good grades....this is the first time I've ever really applied myself. First time in years, at least. It's not like I've gotten smarter or anything, because I'm fairly sure that I haven't. But I scared myself last year. I didn't even make honor roll fourth marking period. For the first time in my life, I was an average student.
I've always been 'above average.' But really, what does that mean? That I can pull off better than mediocre grades without really putting in any effort? That, I can do. Without any problem. Sadly, that's what I did all last year. I know a lot of people would kill to be able to do what I do, and I'm not being pretentious, but I'm quite aware that I have certain abilities. I've never really had a problem with school work. I've never gotten a D or an E, and I've only ever gotten 1 C, and that was last year. It has made me lazy. I suppose it's somewhat of a burden, moreso than a blessing.
So, when I apply myself, I can be on top. I'm just disappointed that I didn't start applying myself until now, because if I had started a few years ago, I'd probably be valedictorian. That would get me into Columbia, wouldn't it?
I'm concerned about my future. What if I don't go to the right college? What if I don't choose the right career? What if I don't end up where I'm supposed to be? What if I don't meet my full potential?
What if, indeed.
Suitably pensive.
-Boots

Harlot's Tune

raien — 2004-09-23T08:09:09-05:00

And so the vixen said:
My dear,
Come list'n to this song.
I'll twist and turn the words about
and court you all night long.

Once a maiden fair,
she said,
was strolling by the brook.
She chanced across a reddened flow'r
and stopped to take a look.

Before she knew what happened,
her gown,
was stripped from her pale skin.
What of my modesty? she cried.
Then tried to hide her sin.

She heard a sound behind her,
a twig,
snapped under toiling foot.
She started and prepared to run,
But heard a voice: Stay put.

Thrown about her shoulders,
a cloak,
she clutched it e'er so near.
She spun round to say a thank you,
but there was no one there!

She peeked down at the foliage,
alas,
The crimson flow'r: Gone!
She searched by night, she searched by day.
Then gave up came the dawn.

The harlot ceased at this point,
Quiet,
she said, There's pixies near.
They've come to hear their story told.
Just be aware: they're here.

And with that she continued.
She said,
The poor maid fin'lly quit.
She reached the end of her searching.
Then found a rock to sit.

What a shock she was to have,
oh my,
the rock was not a rock!
'Twas truly a reddend flow'r,
From top to stem to dock.

At last I've found my flow'r,
she said,
my quest is at an end.
With that she threw the cloak off,
and went to find her friend.

They made love in the forest,
all night,
woke the dead with their screams.
The next day when the maid came to,
she feared it was a dream.

But of course if was not so,
alack,
the fantasy was real.
The ground 'neath her was laced with fire,
the color of cold steel.

But her love was not in sight.
She cried,
his name was fair Oberon.
And sadly he ne'er returned.
There she still sits, withdrawn.

The vixen said, now it ends,
tragic,
The poor maid's heart grew small.
Ne'er once did she love again.
An' lost her flow'r after all.

Bored

raien — 2004-09-23T09:09:20-05:00

Using band names that you like, spell out your name:
W-Weezer
H-Hoobastank
I-Incubus
T-Three Doors Down
N-Nine Inch Nails
E-Eagles
Y-Yellowcard

Have you ever had a song written about you? Hm, I don't think so.
What songs makes you cry? My Immortal by Evanescence and 100 Years by Five for Fighting, LA Song by Beth Hart
What song makes you happy? Anything from the Rocky Horror soundtrack, Feeling This by Blink 182
What do you listen to before going to bed? 104.1

a p p e a r a n c e

HAIR COLOR: Naturally? Uhhh...dark brown. Right now? Dark blonde.
SKIN COLOR: Uhhh.....average?
EYE COLOR: Green--hazel-grey, they change
PIERCINGS: Ears done three times each, but I'm getting my tongue done
TATTOOS: None
HEIGHT: 5'8
BODY: Not good.

r i g h t n o w

WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: Yellow Joe Boxer boxers with a smiley face on the crotch
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: Linkin Park - Numb
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: Diet Coke
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: Average fall weather....still pretty warm
HOW ARE YOU?: I'm ok....but my stomach really hurts.

d o y o u

GET MOTION SICKNESS?: No
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: Lots
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: No
LIKE TO DRIVE?: It's ok.

f a v o r i t e s

TV SHOW: That 70s Show
CONDITIONER: John Frieda
MAGAZINE: National Geographic
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Any diet soda
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Anything! lol, no I'm serious...except beer. I love vodka.
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: Sex, hang out, shop, sleep, work, etc.
BAND or GROUP or SINGER: The Beatles

h a v e y o u

BROKEN THE LAW: Yes
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: No
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: Yes
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: Yes (Ha ha guys)
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: Yes
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: No
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: Yes
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: Yes
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: Yes
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: Yes...I'm in Midsummer right now....and I crew them...Good lord
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Yes

l o v e

BOYFRIEND: Yes
GIRLFRIEND: Nope
SEXUALITY: Straight
CHILDREN: Never!!!
CURRENT CRUSH: You.
BEEN IN LOVE?: Yes
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: Yes
BEEN HURT?: Yes
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: I don't really believe in regrets.
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: No

r a n d o m

YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: Goo Goo Dolls - Dizzy Up The Girl
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: Green
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: Success.
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: All of my friends.
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: No idea
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: Em, Chris, Jen, Erin, Rachel, Mel, Matt, Mark
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: Chill, shop, mess around, whatever

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t

TIME YOU CRIED?: Can't remember...
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: Hmmmm...A while ago
THING YOU PURCHASED: A diet pepsi from the vending machine at school.
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: America's Top Model 3
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: Can't remember.

y o u r t h o u g h t s o n

ABORTION: Pro-Choice completely
TEENAGE SMOKING: Against
SPICE GIRLS: Eh...I used to love them
DREAMS: Dreams are only fantasies, make them come true
DEATH: Reincarnation baby!

Sick. Again.

raien — 2004-09-24T04:09:35-05:00

A busted lip
A blackened eye
Baby you'll never see me cry
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Stomach hurts. But then again, my stomach hurts perpetually. I need to:
Stop eating dairy products.
Stop eating bread, it makes my stomach hurt really bad.
Eat something with iron in it so I don't bruise so much.
Do something to reduce the junk in my trunk (Ha Ha Ha)
Ok, well I'm out, if I get most of my homework done I can go see Shaun of the Dead.
-Boots

It's hard to tally when you're drunk.

raien — 2004-10-02T08:10:31-05:00

I had so much fun yesterday. Rachel's party was awesome, it was just a whole bunch of crazy kids messing around and dancing like maniacs. The most beautiful part about it was how people just.....accepted each other.....Emily and Rachel, Mel and Emily.... And everybody is friends again. Actually, I could think of a couple more beautiful parts, but I won't go into explicit detail.
Maybe we just need a party every so often to make people happy.
I love dancing. It's just so much fun. Especially dancing to good music, and showing off one's ass to the world because one decided to wear a very short skirt. Ahem.
Yeah, today was not quite so wonderful. Not too awful, though.
Fair was pretty slow, but that's better than when it's super busy. I manahed to burn myself really badly though, on a fry basket. My hand is all blistered and gross and I can only type with one hand. Oh well.
Ok well I'm out. This is taking forever to type anyway because of my current disability.
-Boots

no subject

raien — 2004-10-02T11:10:32-05:00

I was going to post a poem on Mindsay, but then I remembered what a pain it is to configure the stanzas. I'm way too tired to fuck around with HTML tonight. And it would take me twice as long, because I only have one effective hand...
So I'll post it eventually, I have it typed up and saved to Word.
I actually think I might go to bed. I can barely keep my eyes open.
-Boots

That sucked less.

raien — 2004-10-03T09:10:21-05:00

I really did mean to get stuff done today. I really did. Unfortunately, that did not happen. Which means I will be up very very late tomrrow night, doing all my homework last minute. And I'm kind of confused about what we're doing in pre-calc, which is not good. I should probably ask my Dad for help, since he has a Masters in Mathematics and everything, but that majorly impinges on my egotism...
If I fail, I fail with dignity.
Damn. That's lame. I'm really bad at the whole accepting help thing... Oh well.
So yeah. I guess I got a little done today... I finished a Power Point presentation for AP Environmental Science, and I read some of Angela's Ashes. But that barely put a dent in my work.... I still have to do my APUSH work for Chapter 8, outline chapter 4 for AP Env Sci, ID all the art in chapter 4 for AP Art History, take photos for Journalism, write a paper on the debate, write a script in French, and do soem bookwork for pre-calc. I'm never going to catch up. Today was supposed to be my catch up day. I'm quite angry at myself. Bother. I have no idea when I'm going to get all this done....
Bother bother bother.
Well I think I might go try my pre-calc...
-Boots

No one can delude you better than you delude yourself.

raien — 2004-10-04T10:10:31-05:00

Do you know how much homework I have? A lot. Do you know what time it is? Quarter past ten. Do you know what that means?
No sleep for Tigger!!!!
Ever!!!!
I'm out.
Boink.

Can you can-can? I can can-can.

raien — 2004-10-07T05:10:19-05:00

I think I'm getting sick again. Or more sick, I should say. I never actually get better, I don't really give myself a chance for recovery. Oh well.
I need to do a photo project for journalism tomorrow....and I have an AP Art History test.....and a Pre-Calc test....
Maybe I should do my homework. In light of recent events (i.e. me never sleeping), I think I might actually start my work.
Wow. An epiphany.
I'm off like a prom dress.
(Which reminds me, I need to dig up a Homecoming dress.)
-Boots

No matter how pretty the rose, the thorns still make you bleed.

raien — 2004-10-09T10:10:00-05:00

No matter how pretty the rose, the thorns still make you bleed.

raien — 2004-10-09T10:10:56-05:00

While in my debtors bondage, I considered my options. I could court my captors in a facade of contriteness, seemingly regretful for my multiplicity of horrific misdeeds. Or I could be frank and forthright; I could admit to the ceaseless delectation that I was receiving from the inevitable success of my contraband activities with my pugnacious and bellicose acqaintance (who shall remain nameless for the purpose of utmost security and reticence). I espoused the latter.
In rejoinder to my unmitigated fidelity, I was awarded four months of solitary confinement.
Bugger.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
[Frustrated]
I will go to Homecoming, Mommy darling. Feel free to go on the boat without me. I won't feel neglected, I promise.
I might do homework. Or I might go to bed. Or I might just fool around. Who knows.
-An Irate Boots
We'll cover the booth with a big black tarp, and cut a slit. Above the slit, we'll afix a sign that reads, "Insert head here." When someone inserts their head, we'll nail them with a turkey leg.
Or we could throw a tarp over the booth, and paint it to look like trees. Then people will say, "Hey, look, more trees."
I

I'm on Diet Coke number 12, and it's only 2:15.

raien — 2004-10-10T03:10:21-05:00

Mon coeur n'est pas vide; je ne suis pas vide.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
"Please excuse me," said the giant purple cow to the belligerent green dog, as he pushed past him in the aisle of the local muntions store.
[drunk]
-Boots

Thou art my sunrise.

raien — 2004-10-12T05:10:40-05:00

I changed my layout.
Voila! C'est moi!
I have to get into French mood, because Matt is coming over and we have to finish writing our play in French. It's crazy. I get to be a princess though, so it's all good.
Then Erin's coming over and we're going to an information session about Yale. If that's not wishful thinking, I don't know what it.
Today is going to be busy as fuck, I should start my homework...
[behind]
-Boots

It's all lies!

raien — 2004-10-14T09:10:01-05:00

Sugared lies and candied tears crowd out the life
People walk as if dead, dark circles under bloodshot eyes
So much for graceful senescence
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
I just got back from the mall with Em, Rae, and Chris. We got b-day presents and cards for Jen. (Note to self: Still need Homecoming dress!) So yeah. I'm going to have a ton of homework to do tomorrow. So I think I may go do some now.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
(Isn't it sad how the sunset fades to black?)
I'm out.
Boots.

Buttprints in the Sand

raien — 2004-10-14T10:10:58-05:00

One night I had a wondrous dream,

One set of footprints there was seen,

The footprints of the Goddess they were,

But mine were not along the shore.

But then some stranger prints appeared,

and I asked Her, "What have we here?

These prints are large and round and neat

But much too big to be from feet."

"My child," She said in somber tones,

"For miles I carried you alone.

I challenged you to walk in faith,

But you refused and made me wait."

"You would not learn, you would not grow,

The walk of faith, you would not know,

So I got tired, I got fed up,

And there I dropped you on your butt.

"Because in life, there comes a time.

When one must fight, and one must climb,

When one must rise and take a stand,

Or leave their butt prints in the sand."

Mama, je veux un grand chateau!

raien — 2004-10-17T10:10:48-05:00

I am all Frenched out. Matt just and Jen just left. I've been working on our French play with Matt since 1:30 and Jen came over here at about 7:00. I really really hope it goes well tomorrow. It will be interesting, I'm sure, especially considering the fact that we're going to perform it without ever rehearsing it with more than 3 of the 5 cast members.
So yeah. Much French. How 'bout some English now?
Of course, it's not like I shouldn't be doing homework right now. I have the notes for chapter 6 in AP Environmental due tomorrow, and then AP US and an AP Art History essay due on Tuesday. The whole falling behind thing? Well I think it's getting worse. It surely hasn't gotten any better.
Fudge.
I'll never catch up!!
Ok, well I think I'm going to go make myself busy....maybe.
-Boots
[exhausted]

I Died for Love

raien — 2004-10-19T09:10:15-05:00

In a place where I did dwell
I met a boy I loved so well
He came and took my heart from me
But now he’s gone and I am free
Before some girl, upon his knees,
He told her things he never told me.
I think I know the reason why,
Perhaps she was prettier than I.
I ran home and cried upon my bed,
Not a word, my mother said.
Papa came home late that night
He searched for me left and right.
Reaching upstairs, the door he broke
and found me hanging on a rope.
Cutting the rope, they brought me down
And in my pocket a note they found.
“Dig a grave,dig it deep.
Marble stones from head to feet.
And on top, place a dove
To show the world , I died for love.”
(Rachel, you make me emo. Which is crazy, because of all things that I am, overly emotional is not one of them. I love you. And I'm sorry.)
-Whit
[depressed]

Pay

raien — 2004-10-21T05:10:23-05:00

Angels go
And traitors be
Once again
Now count to three
One
Two
Three
Once a friend
Sadly lost
No one's left
That's your cost

Just....worn-ou...

raien — 2004-10-24T12:10:50-05:00

I'm sick. It blows. And I'm kind of sick of people too. I've decided that flaws are unavoidable; it's rather depressing. Maybe I'll go bash my head into a wall. God my brain just hurts! -Whit [flawed individual]

Bleh

raien — 2004-10-24T05:10:01-05:00

Still sick. Ugh.
I did go to Annapolis and get my dress though. So at least I have that out of the way.
I think I might go do some homework. I have a ton to get done.
-Boots

Modify Yourself

raien — 2004-10-26T09:10:45-05:00

So I pierced my tongue web. With a nail. The safety pin wasn't thick enough... (Don't roll your eyes, I see you rolling your eyes, whoever's reading this!) It really didn't hurt though. Almost no pain. It took a little while though, because I pierced it with the safety pin, tried to get the barbell in, couldn't do it, pierced it again with the safety pin, and then with the nail like twice. It makes me feel kind of bad for my tongue...oh well. So yeah. I have a pretty little barbell under my tongue.
Of course, if I tell Maggie, she'll think I copied off her, when really I've been talking about piercing my tongue for a long time, and she always said it was gross. So oh well. I really don't give a rat's ass.
So yeah. New piercing. Good times. I'm out.
-Boots

Isn't it sad when you realize you're all alone?

raien — 2004-10-28T09:10:14-05:00

If and when you reach the end
Start at one and begin again
One two three four
Bang bang you're dead
[Play Russian Roulette]
My Dad's ex-wife called tonight. It's weird. They haven't talked in over 30 years. She called completely out of the blue.
(Phone rings)
Me: Hello?
Her: Hello, is Jerry Wayne there? (With the Oklahoman drawl, it's more like "Jirr-ie Waaayne." And no one calls my father that, except the family in Oklahoma.)
Me: Yeah...hold on. (Aside: Dad...phone call.)
Dad: Who is it?
Me: (Into receiver) May I ask who's speaking?
Her: It's Pam. ("Pa-am")
Me: (Covers reciever) Dad...it's Pam...
Dad: (Grumbles) Pam who? (Picks up phone in other room) Hello?
Her: Is this Jerry Wayne Hoot?
Dad: Yes...
Her: This is your ex-wife!
I can only imagine how the rest went, Dad poked his head into the room and gave me the glare that means "Put down the phone."
So yeah. Weird. Oh well.
I think I might actually do some homework. Or not.

I feel like such a slacker.

raien — 2004-11-04T08:11:44-05:00

I'm really slacking. I can't believe I didn't go to school today. This will be more or less the third day I've had off school, so why am I doing it? And so I'm going to have 8 classes worth of makeup work that has to be done by 2:00 pm on Friday because I have to turn it in for the marking period. And I'm really freaking out about my straight As. I have no idea how I'm doing in French, and I don't know what I got on that last quiz in Calc so I might not have an A in there anymore. Geesh. You'd think I'd spend my day off sleeping, but no, I get to spend it doing homework. [sick] -Boots

[sinking again]

raien — 2004-11-06T01:11:45-05:00

Agg I'm never going to catch up on all my school work! I will be doing it for the rest of my life! Damn it all to hell! ::sigh:: I hate make-up work. And theatre is sucking all my life away, so I don't have any time to do it... [bothered] -Boots

I am (eclectic)

raien — 2004-11-07T06:11:41-05:00

Don't dream when there's nothing to dream for It's not worth crying over any more Hearts get broken and people die To say shit doesn't happen would just be a lie Isn't it sad when you realize All of a sudden you're all alone And there's nothing you can do about it No one meets your expectations (You don't even meet them.) Stop dreaming for what won't happen Don't chase after the stars You'll never catch up And you'll be left all alone With people just walking by Sometimes you just have to give up And stop hoping for what's not meant to be (Be realistic.) They lie when they say you can do anything Because sometimes...you just can't [thoroughly disgusted with myself] -Whitney

Insufferable

raien — 2004-11-21T07:11:14-05:00

I feel really crappy. Ok, so maybe it is self-induced, but it still sucks.
I jsut got back from Youth Group from Matt. It was...well it was youth group. They're a bunch of crazy Baptist zealots. Matt said, "I'll take you to church and turn you into a Christian, Bush-lover." My Mom said, "You'll get religion in her before you make her like Bush."
My parents are crazy. In a good way though, generally.
"Cat, it's about discipline. If I feed you now, you'll be hungry in 2 hours. You must learn discipline!"
"Are you two sharing a bowl?!?!"
(...No!)
-Boots

Such a pretty bag!

raien — 2004-11-22T10:11:59-05:00

(Car car car car car)
Car!
Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no subject

raien — 2004-11-23T06:11:52-05:00

I just got back from the mall with Erin. It was great spending time with her; I hardly ever get to see her, which is really sad. There's a new Coach store in the mall, so I got to go look at my purse lol. I've changed my mind; it's pretty, but way too small. Oh well. (Gosh I'm flighty! I was in love with it yesterday!) But anyway. I bought some foundation. And some earrings. And a bow for my new short(er) hair. I am broke. Again. Oh well. Such is life.
Ok well I'm going to go be lazy. Toodles.
-Boots

We must get drunk immediately!

raien — 2004-11-25T11:11:52-05:00

Aggggggg I can't take it anymore! Can't take it! ...gun to head...
Oh well nevermind. Too lazy to pull the trigger. Damn.
Today will be boring, I'm sure. I hate Thanksgiving. I don't particularly like Thanksgiving food. And I think it's kind of superficial. Though, then again, so are all holidays.
Topher might be coming over though. Which is....a mixed blessing, if nothing else. I haven't seen him in over a year, so it will be nice to see him again...I think. We'll see. I may be able to escape and avoid all this love-round-the-table business. Or not. No, probably not. Dammit.
Ok well I'm going to go take a shower. At least I can smell pretty, if nothing else. ::grumble::
-Boots

no subject

raien — 2004-11-29T01:11:47-05:00

You Are the Achiever

3 You're confident and competent - with a lot of energy. Eager to reach your goals, you are aambitious and competitive. You are good at movtivating yourself and motivating others. You're also a charmer, with a great sense of humor.

What number are you?

Tired

raien — 2004-12-05T12:12:35-05:00

I've been so weird lately. I really don't know what's wrong with me. One minute I'm fine, the next minute I want to tear the head off the next person who comes near me. I'm just so...depressed. There's no other way to say it. I don't even know why. I've lost interest in everything, I can't concentrate on my school work, and I don't...care. If my grades start slipping I'm going to die. Maybe I should go to the doctor. Though I don't want happy pills; that's the last thing I need. Though I suppose if it could make it better... But who knows. I certainly don't.
I really wanted to spend the day catching up on things. I have a ton of homework to get done, and I'm going to DC tomorrow. So I'm never going to get a chance. I sacrificed my Saturday to help Matt with his project. And now he wants me to sacrifice my Monday after rehearsal, which I really can't do. I have a huge AP Art History assignment due on Monday, which we were assigned before Thanksgiving break and I haven't even started it. Then I have two chapters due for AP Environmental, two chapters for French, and one for AP US History, all due on Tuesday. There's just no way I'm ever going to get it all done! I'm just...dismayed by the fact that work is perpetually accumulating, and I'm only going to fall further and further behind...what am I going to do?!?!?
I really shouldn't be going to DC tomorrow. I should be spending the day doing homework. I just don't have the drive. I have no desire to sit and study the Civil War or pre-Renaissance art. Of course, I'll really know there's something wrong with me if skating with my friends in DC doesn't cheer me up.
I'm completely miserable. I don't mean to whine; I don't mean to complain. I'm just...sad.
Can't you lend me a hand, can't you help me up, baby?
-Whitney

Tell me something real

raien — 2004-12-07T07:12:12-05:00

I think I might quit Alice. I say that a lot though. I don't know what I want to do... Alice really interferes with my other after school activities... Which is going to get me into college, NHS or Alice in Wonderland? But sometimes it's fun...and I never quit anything. But the schedule is so inflexible! Agg. Who knows.
And I didn't get March Hare. :( They gave it to Nick. Oh well. I didn't actually think I was going to get it, but it would have been nice. 15 hours a week for 16 lines is just...silly. And boring. I wish I was stage managing. If I quit Alice, then I can stage manage the musical, maybe... though Kate will probably get that, because it's her last chance since she's a senior. I don't know. I'm just so stressed out and ridiculously indeciseive.
Hopefully we can go ice skating this weekend at Allen Pond. Then Bowie Town Center afterward... That would be sweet. I have to buy Christmas presents! I know what I'm getting almost everyone, I just have to buy everything. I think I'm going to end up taking money out of my savings account....hmmm. I did shell out $26 today, $16 for an English book and $10 for NHS dues; hopefully Mom will reimburse me. We'll see. I'll have to ask her after she gets back from her business trip...
So yeah. I have a ton of homework...I always do. Maybe I'll never catch up...that's a dismal thought... And I have to make up a lab tomorrow after school, so I'm going to miss at least part of rehearsal. Wednesday I have to make up a lab for AP Environmental; Thursday I have to make up a French test and go to a Youth Rise meeting. Who knows when I'm going to make up my chapter 9 test for AP Enviro... Trying to be in three places once is awfully tiring...
Ok, I think I might start my homework. I have a big writing assignment due in AP Art History; it's already late. Hopefully Mr. G. won't decide to be an actual teacher and take off points or something...
Eat as it becomes you. -Whit

Snow angels

raien — 2004-12-08T09:12:13-05:00

I just woke up. To be literal, Chris just woke me up. It was nice, actually. I can't imagine anyone else's face I would rather see when I open my eyes.
That, plus ceasar salad for dinner. I would call this a good mood.
Of course, startage of the homework would be good...
And I quit Alice. Which is a load off my mind... I doubt I'll regret it. Though I'll probably still stay after school a lot, because I hate coming home straight away. I hope Bonnie isn't mad at me...maybe she'll still let me help her with the play. At least now I won't miss any more of my NHS meetings...
Ok, well I'm going to skedaddle, maybe start some homework.
-Boots

Scary, huh?

raien — 2004-12-08T11:12:40-05:00

<>
<>
How to make a Whitney
Ingredients:

3 parts intelligence

3 parts humour

1 part leadership
Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add lustfulness to taste! Do not overindulge!

Username:http://www.go-quiz.com/cocktail/cocktail.php">Username: name="uname">

Personality">http://www.go-quiz.com/cocktail/cocktail.php">Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.comhttp://www.go-quiz.com">Go-Quiz.com>

Funny...

raien — 2004-12-09T10:12:55-05:00

Lay back baby and we’ll do this right
There’s blankets in back we can use
I’ll start the car, but we’ll stay in park
A quilt can kill us before fumes
Coincidence?
I think not. That was possibly the best timing ever...
-Whitney

C'est l'hiver.

raien — 2004-12-13T08:12:17-05:00

Excellent day today. Well school was crap, as usual, and I got a 74% on an AP Environmental test, which is the lowest I've gotten on a test all year. But only 8 days of school left until break...8 days.... I can last 8 days. Then I'll catch up on everything over the break....hopefully. As long as I can get through the next two weeks, I'll be alright.
Chris came over today after school. It was....lovely. We fell asleep on my couch. Then we went and had illicit relations in the Safeway parking lot *cough*. Then we came back here...and fell asleep on my other couch.
I'm madly in love with this crazy boy. Who woulda thunk it?
"Sex with you is different. When I'm having sex with you, it's like I'm closer to you rather than farther away..."
PunkyRockaChicka (8:23:24 PM): I miss you
CSTphoenix (8:24:18 PM): lol...
CSTphoenix (8:24:30 PM): I've only been gone 2 hours
PunkyRockaChicka (8:25:48 PM): yeah well....don't you miss me?
CSTphoenix (8:26:13 PM): yeah, a bit
PunkyRockaChicka (8:26:27 PM): a bit?
CSTphoenix (8:26:35 PM): a lot
I love you Chris.
-Whitney

Bored

raien — 2004-12-15T12:12:11-05:00

I'm sitting in the English computer lab; I finished typing up the essay I had to write. We've done three timed essays in the past 4 classes. It's really....old. So hopefully next class we'll do something exciting! Or not...
So Ricky gets back from college today. I know Jen's excited. She's only been talking about him getting back since, oh, the day he left after Thanksgiving break. Hopefully they'll ahve a good time together while he's here. And that means Chris will be spending a lot of time in Edgewater....so I'll be spending a lot of time in Edgewater. Good times.
At least I got all my AP US homework done. I'm not quite as far behind as I thought I was, which is good. The only thing I really did to get done is the AP Art History assignment that was due like two weeks ago. Oops. Though of course, I missed a day of school like a month ago and I'm still making up tests... It really shouldn't take this long... I was going to make up my AP Environmental test yesterday, but Vogel cancelled the make-up because it suddenly dawned on him that a lot of people cheat on his tests. I really like him; he's nice. But he's so naive!
So just 2 APES test and 1 French test and the AP Art assignment...my goal is to be caught up by midway through next week. I'll make up the APES test on Thursday, then go to the GSA meeting... And next week I'll make up the French test and the other APES test.... Hmmm... I certainly have to get it all done by next Thursday; I'm not going to leave it until after Christmas break!
Ok, well the bell is going to ring in a minute... Or 5... I suppose it's about time for some APUSH....what fun...
I'm off.
-Whit

no subject

raien — 2004-12-20T02:12:48-05:00

If you asked me why the fuck I'm up this late, I wouldn't be able to tell you.
Maybe I'm losing my mind again?
Maybe I'm normal, the rest of you are just crazy.
I'm going to go find something to do.
I really hope they cancel school tomorrow....or I'll be tired as fuck, that's for sure.
I'm off.
-Whit

no subject

raien — 2004-12-20T10:12:07-05:00

Remember when you sung me
lullabyes I'd fall asleep in
you arms
And then you let me go And now
I'm gone, Sorry, no refunds
All sales final, you can't throw me away
then want me back.
So all my Christmas shopping is finally done! Thank God.... I'm out of money too....
Oh well. I'm off.
Don't spend time revisiting the past. Remember there are reasons why you left it all behind.
-Whit

no subject

raien — 2004-12-22T06:12:56-05:00

I'm so tired. I think I could sleep for a month. But I have so much to do... So much to do...
Skipped fourth period today. Went to Ricky's house with Chris, Jen, and Morgan. Then Morgan and Jen went to the school and Ricky took a shower so Chris and I were alone. I'm sure we found something to amuse ourselves with....it skips my mind at the moment though...hmmm....
I really want to finish my AP Art History essays by tonight. They're halfway done, and it would be nice to finish them before break. But I have to cook a cake for the French party tomorrow... ::sigh::
I've had less homework this week than I've had all year....it's pretty friggin sweet. (But crap, I have to remember to take that French test tomorrow or I'm officially fucked...yeah)
When am I going to get everything done?
And when am I going to plan what I'm doing next summer! Rachel wants me to go to camp with her for a week. Matt wants me to go with him to Alaska. There's a Congressional seminar in DC for a week that I'd love to go to... And there's the French trip.... I might just go to that camp that my friend (from out of state) wants me to go to. It's 8 weeks though....and about $7000... Jesus Christ. What am I going to do?
::sigh:: Mom's nagging. She's always nagging. It seems I'm always doing something wrong. What a bother. Maybe I'll go be productive. Ugh...
singmeasongandillbeyoursforevertoloveandtocherishfromnowuntilneverlightsdownfadetoblack
-Boots

Welcome to Reality

raien — 2004-12-22T06:12:18-05:00

She never stood a chance, you know? A fucked up girl in a fucked up world moving way too fast. When you run so hard and you stand so long you're going to break one day. She broke. Porcelein doll with the painted lips and the black eyeliner fell off the shelf and cracked her head on the hardwood floor. Did she fall or was she pushed? Was she pushed or did she fall? Maybe she had the right idea after all, getting out of all this mess, she knew it was wrong, she knew the brink of madness wasn't where she belonged. But maybe she just got too close to the edge. Damn that too-high center of gravity. Porcelein dolls have heavy heads. Heavy heads and heavy hands and heavy feet. But empty hearts. So there was nothing to hold her in place. Maybe one day she just leaned too far over the edge. Was she looking down for an answer? Or just at a dust speck on the floor? Maybe that speck of dust was the straw that broke the camel's back. She couldn't take it anymore, you know. Down down down with nothing to catch her fall. Down down down (crack). How long did that poor little girl lay there, an empty bottle of pills in her hand and her black eyeliner smeared on her pale cheeks? (But her lipstick was perfect.) How long did she rest in her own bile, empty blue eyes staring back up at the shelf? How long before they found her, wrapped her in a sheet, put her in a box, stuck her in the ground? She never stood a chance. There was no one to stop her from falling. Down down down. No one gave her a hand. But she wouldn't have accepted it anyway. The only one who could have saved her was....herself. The poor little porcelein doll who grew up too fast and had bloody wrists and broken dreams. She wrote morbid poetry in the dark, under her covers, with a flashlight. She just couldn't take it anymore. Blame it on the media, they'll say. Blame it on the fashion magazines and MTV and all the things we know for sure. Never mind the thousands of uncontrolled variables. People don't kill themselves because they're sad. They kill themselves because they're not sad. They kill themselves because they can't feel anything anymore. Nothing's real anymore. The only thing that's real enough to realize is death.
Maybe you don't know yourself as well as you think you do. Does that scare you? It should.
-Whitney

You can run, but you can't hide.

raien — 2004-12-24T12:12:04-05:00

So maybe I can draw, eh eh? I was sketching last night; I drew a rose that Mel gave me for Christmas. It was pretty good. Of course, I then tried to draw a face, which was not quite as successful. Though I think that in order to draw faces, one must learn to draw them. So I think I'm going to take an art class... Maybe I'll take Foundations of Art next semester. Of course the class will probably be overrun with freshman, a thought that is not overly inticing. Oh well. I'd really like to learn to draw well. That would be really cool.
I don't know what I'm doing today. I know Matt wanted to go see a movie with me but I haven't heard from him. I think I might actually try to get some homework done. I probably won't, but it's a novel idea... So I'm off, possibly to do homework, it'd be nice to get it out of the way.
-Boots

Merry Christmas!

raien — 2004-12-25T12:12:36-05:00

So yeah. It's Christmas! The day we've all been waiting for! Thank God it's finally over. Now my life can return to an almost average pace. I live through another December 25th. Who would have guessed?
I will have to say, good presents. I got my Tiffany's necklace from Chris (even though I got it a few weeks early, it still counts). I got 3 DVDs (Gone With the Wind, Matchstick Men, Big Fish), a CD (Beth Hart - Leave the Lights On), an awesome art set from my Mum, 3 pairs of earrings (plain gold studs, diamonds, and rubies), some clothes (argyle socks!), money, and some other stuff. Then I'm getting gifts from my parents' friends tonight when we go to Jeff and Joyce's for dinner.
James of course got his paintball gun, which he is enthralled with. He's already been shooting things like mad. Exciteable little bugger...
Ok, well I'm going to go shower. Then I think I'm going to try and finish my AP Art History homework. I worked on it for like 5 hours yesterday and I'm almost done. It would be crazy if I managed to finish all my homework maybe....before Wednesday. That would be the first time I didn't have homework since...well since I can remember.
So yeah. I'm off. Merry Christhanukwanzaka. (whatever)
-Whit

Survey I stole from Em

raien — 2004-12-30T12:12:06-05:00

(A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:
(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want. I'll answer what I can.
(C) Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything.
And this concludes this paticular entry. Have a nice day.

Survey I stole from palewhispers ;)

raien — 2004-12-31T01:12:21-05:00

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
I flew on a plane by myself.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My New Year's resolution will be the same thing it's been for 4 years. And I'm sure I won't keep it, I'll fail again, and hate myself for it.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My neighbor's daughter gave birth...a little boy named Tyler. It was a really premature pregancy and Kim and Tyler both almost died.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.
5. What countries did you visit?
Paris and England. And Oklahoma is almost another country compared to the east coast...
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
More willpower on my part...less cheating. Actual success.
7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
None really.... Nothing super special happened this year...
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting straight As first quarter, with 4 AP classes.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Ha ha ha ha ha. Being fat.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing that I didn't bring upon myself. I had a nasty bout of pink eye...
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Hmmm....no idea....amybe tickets to Phantom of the Opera. That was a good night.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mother's. While she is still a sporadic psycho bitch, she's less of a stickler. My father has gotten into this habit of saying "If you don't like it here, just leave," so I do, then I have a few hours of complete freedom.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Into the bank. I will get a car....after I get my license...
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Planning Rachel's surprise party...which was great. And Ren Fest.
16. What songs will always remind you of 2004?
Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend, Futures by Jimmy Eat World, and Sweet Dreams by Marilyn Manson
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) sad about the friends I've lost and the ones who've left
b) in love yes. completely. eternally. hopelessly in love. (Crazy, huh?)
c) Glad that 11th grade has been almost entirely drama free
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Dieted more. Ran more. Drawn more.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Obsessed over my problems...there are 117000 dead in Asia for God's sakes...
Part 2
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
The morning opening presents with my mom, dad, and James. Then a couple hours with Chris. Then off to dinner at Jeff and Joyce's.
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
No one really... I'm not a big phone-talker. Maybe Erin. When we talk, we talk for hours.
22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
We'll say...well yeah.
23. How many one-night stands?
Only one I suppose. Only one that left any impact at all on my life...
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Uhh I never really watch TV like...religiously. But I like CSI, That 70s Show, Will and Grace, and Law and Order SVU.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. I only really hate one person.
26. What was the best book you read?
Either Slammerkin or The Other Boelyn Girl
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Marilyn Manson
28. What did you want and get?
A digital camera, a great boyfriend, lots of books.
29. What did you want and not get?
A car, my driver's license, Girl, Interrupted on DVD.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Saw. God it was friggin awesome...
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 16. I don't think I really did anything...
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Losing....oh I dunno....40 pounds.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Jeans + T-shirt + Hoodie = My display of my lack of caring.
34. What kept you sane?
The thought that these aren't the best years of my life.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Johnny Depp, to be cliche. Ewan Mcgreggor to be a little less so.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The election. This country's ongoing stupidity and blindness to the real issues.
37. Who did you miss?
Erin. I never see her anymore. She's my best friend!
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Oh I don't know. I didn't really meet anyone new.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
There's about 12 inches of veneer covering up the "real me." I'm pretty fake sometimes.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"I feel that when I'm old I'll look at you and know the world was beautiful."

Spin me a story

raien — 2004-12-31T02:12:38-05:00

I’ll sell you my dreams for a penny or two
A dozen aspirations for a dollar?
Any takers?
I’ll weave you a blanket of wispy clouds
Then tuck you into bed
You can sleep for hours until the sun peaks
My life flashing through your head

I have horrific dreams. I mean really horrific, violent, mindnumbing dreams. I had two last night. I say last night, but it was actually this morning. I always dream late in the morning, between 9:00 and noon, long after I should have dragged my ass out of bed.

This morning, I woke up in a cold sweat, wrapped so tightly in my sheets that I had to fight my way out of them. I tumbled out of bed, crawled to the bathroom, and threw up. Then I sat on the cold tiles until I stopped shaking.

In my dream, I was sitting in theatre class in school. We weren't doing anything in particular, just sitting on the floor. Then a man walked into the room. I can't remember his face, except for the fact that it was unshaven and he had brown hair. He was big and brawny, like a line backer. So anyway, this man just walked into class, and grabbed me. He started dragging me out and everyone kind of parted to let him go through. All my friends just stared at me and I could hear them thinking, "You deserve this. You bought it on yourself. This is YOUR fault." He dragged me down the hall, into the bathroom. I was screaming the whole way, but people just looked at me and shook their heads. Rather, they looked through me.

He pushed me up against a wall, and raped me. Then he took me into one of the stalls and did it again. And again. And again. I was screaming and crying and thrashing and fighting, but he wouldn't let me go. An administrator opened the stall door and looked in. She saw what was happening, shook her head, shut the door, then walked away.

I guess he finished, because he opened the door and walked out, pulling me with him. He duct taped my mouth and then he bound my hands. We walked out of the bathroom and there was this podium thing. Almost everyone I know was just standing there looking up at me. And I could tell they were all thinking the same thing: "You deserve this. You bought it on yourself. This is YOUR fault." I tried to scream, but I couldn't. The man beat me and I fell. Then he took out a knife and cut my hands free and pulled the tape off my mouth. He pulled a rope down, I don't know where it came from. It hung, vertical, in the air, and he tied a noose. He put my head into it and tightened it. Then he said, "This is what you wanted, isn't it? To go out with a bang, one last huzzah before you go? You've always been looking for attention." He pulled off my clothes, and my skin came off too. I was just a skeleton. I tried to tell him that this wasn't what I wanted, I didn't want to die, but it was too late. He pushed me off the podium.

Then I woke up.

no subject

raien — 2005-01-03T03:01:38-05:00

Running

raien — 2005-01-04T10:01:34-05:00

I had forgotten how much I love running. I used to do it every day...then I stopped...
Running makes me feel so healthy. And honestly, despite my complaints, I am healthy. I'm not overweight, I'm jsut not skinny. And I have crazy muscles on my leg, and a little on my arms. But running just makes me feel so...good.
I can't even describe it.
But yeah, I have a new "lifestyle" going on. I'd call it a diet, which is part of it, but it's not so much to lose weight. It's like: more sleep, more exercise, more fiber, less fat, healthier food, less procrastiantion. It's...Whitney's ultimate health plan.
Speaking of more sleep, I'm going to get to bed.
Good night.
-Whit

no subject

raien — 2005-01-18T09:01:03-05:00

X by the ones you HAVE done (x) Snuck out of the house ( ) gotten lost in your city (x) seen a shooting star (x) been to any other countries besides the united states ( ) had a serious surgery ( ) taken a shower with a member of the opposite sex (x) gone out in public in your pajamas ( ) kissed a stranger ( ) hugged a stranger ( ) been in a fist fight ( ) been arrested (x) done drugs (x) had alcohol (x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose (x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator ( ) made out in an elevator (x) swore at your parents ( ) kicked a guy where it hurts (x) been in love ( ) been to a casino ( ) been skydiving ( ) ran over an animal and killed it (x) broken a bone (x) been high (x) given someone a bruise (x) skinny-dipped (x) skipped school (x) flashed someone (x) had oral surgery (x) seen a therapist (x) done the splits (x) played spin the bottle (x) gotten stitches ( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour (x) bitten someone ( ) been to Niagara Falls ( ) gotten the chicken pox (x) kissed a member of the opposite sex (x) kissed a member of the same sex ( ) crashed into a friend's car ( ) been to Japan *RUB IT IN* (x) ridden in a taxi (x) been dumped ( ) shoplifted ( ) been fired ( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex (x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back ( ) stole something from your job ( ) gone on a blind date (x) lied to a friend (x) had a crush on a teacher ( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans (x) been to Europe (x) slept with a co-worker ( ) been married ( ) gotten divorced ( ) had children ( ) seen someone die ( ) been to Africa (x) Driven over 400 miles in one day ( ) Been to Canada ( ) Been to Mexico (x) Been on a plane (x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show ( ) Thrown up in a bar ( ) Purposely set a part of myself on fire (x) Eaten Sushi (x) Been snowboarding ( ) Met someone in person from the internet (x) Been moshing at a concert ( ) had real feelings for someone you knew only online (x) taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself ( ) been in an abusive relationship ( ) lost a child ( ) gone to college ( ) graduated college ( ) done hard drugs ( ) tried killing yourself (x) taken painkillers (x) love someone or miss someone right now

Bored

raien — 2005-01-19T09:01:20-05:00

I'm going for a run in a minute. But it's so cold in the basement. Brrr. Oh well. I love my treadmill.
I think I have straight As again. Do you know what that means? I get my tongue pierced! Yay! Je suis tres heaureuse.
I'm super excited about this summer. Well about this year in general. There's junior prom, then France, then Alaska, and I'll have my license... It'll be friggin sweet. Plus I'll probably have a job.
I got Matt to turn in my application at Ginger Cove today. Hopefully they'll hire me. I need the money and they start at $8 per hour. Though of course, how I'm going to balance track, theatre, 5 APs, a job, and all my other extracurriculars, I don't know. We'll see I suppose. But I really need the money for France. 1) Because I have to pay for part of it, 2) because I want to spend mad money when I'm there, and 3) I'm going to buy all new clothes after I get thin and pretty *crosses fingers* so I can have a new wardrobe for this summer. Yay!
Of course this does mean I'll be in Europe three summers in a row. England and France last summer, France this summer, and complete tour of Europe next summer. It's friggin sweet. (When did I start saying "friggin"??)
Ugh, ok, well I'm going to go run. As long as I don't freeze to death.
Today was James' birthday. He's 13 now. So we had ice cream cake. But I only had a little piece....I'm sorry :( It's not on my list of diet foods....oh well I suppose...
Anyway, I'm off. Ta.
-Raien

i've finally gone insane

raien — 2005-01-24T09:01:46-05:00

maybe i'm crazy now i've gone round the bend the metaphorical deep end and no one can fetch me back from this dark hole but that's ok because i don't want to be rescued anyway since here is ok as long as you still love me even though i'm just a little bit crazy and no i'm not quite sure what i'm going to do about it but maybe i won't do anything about it and i'll just stay crazy and you all will have to accept the fact that a bottle of pills and a five hundred dollar session with a man whose name i can't even spell won't make it all sunny with bunnies and dandelions because that's not real life. but maybe i can get some help and they'll tell me that i'm not lost anymore and they'll give me a happy pill and who knows maybe it will work this time and i'll actually be happy and even if it's only and artificial simulated happy thats ok.

Deliverance is what I need! Deliverance!

raien — 2005-02-01T02:02:36-05:00

So I'm doing homework. Kind of. In my humble opinion, teachers have no right whatsoever to assign homework in between semesters. But oh well. I suppose my opinion doesn't matter.
I've done two out of four essays for AP US. So I'm half way done. I'm not doing a terribly thorough job, but guess how much I care.
So I have to do that...then work on the rest of my To-Do list. Yes, I write To-Do lists. Being the OCDed person that I am, I have to write lists for everything.

Here's my list for today:
1. Finsh APUSH homework
2. Clean out binders; get ready for 2nd semester
3. Put clean clothes away
4. Shave legs
5. Tweeze eyebrows
6. Go for a run
7. Do situps
8. Throw out crap that I don't need because the clutter is going to give me a panic attack
So there. Hoepfully I'll get all that done. It's not really a long list, mostly just crap that I hate doing. Maybe if I finish all my homework by 3:00, I could be done with the rest of the stuff (except the running and situps) by 5:00 or 5:30...then maybe I could go out!
So I'm off.
~Whitney
This ginger is making me sweat.

Quiz I grabbed....

raien — 2005-02-01T07:02:50-05:00

YOUR PORN STAR NAME:
(NAME OF FIRST PET+STREET YOU LIVE ON): Bugeye Slama

YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME:
(YOUR MIDDLE NAME +GRANDFATHERS FIRST NAME): Carol Albert

YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME:
(FIRST WORD YOU SEE ON YOUR LEFT+FAVOURITE RESTAURANT): Central Friday's

EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS:
(FAVORITE SPICE+LAST VACATION SPOT): Rosemary Paris

SOCIALITE ALIAS:
(SILLIEST CHILDHOOD NICKNAME+TOWN WHERE YOU FIRST PARTIED): Boots Rushfield

"Rap Star" ALIAS (a la J. Lo):
(FIRST INITIAL+FIRST TWO OR THREE LETTERS OF
YOUR LAST NAME): W. Ho (AHHHHHH?!!?)

ICON ALIAS:
(SOMETHING SWEET WITHIN SIGHT+ANY LIQUID IN KITCHEN): Orange Cider

DETECTIVE ALIAS:
(FAVORITE BABY ANIMAL+WHERE YOU WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL): Kitten South River

BARFLY ALIAS:
(LAST SNACK FOOD YOU ATE+YOUR FAVORITE DRINK): Baby carrot Diet Sprite (Doesn't work...)

SOAP OPERA ALIAS:
(MIDDLE NAME+STREET WHERE YOU FIRST LIVED): Carol Slama

ROCK STAR ALIAS:
(FAVORITE CANDY+LAST NAME OF FAVORITE MUSICIAN): Reeses Lennon

There are cooler ways to die.

raien — 2005-02-05T04:02:25-05:00

Every cigarette you smoke takes eight minutes off your life. But where do the eight minutes come from? Are they taken from the beginning, middle, or end of your life? Do you spend eight fewer minutes as a teenager, an adult, or a senior citizen? Think about it.
In eight minutes you could read a chapter of the best book you've ever read in your life.
In eight minutes you could play a round of poker and win a hundred bucks.
In eight minutes you could run a mile and burn off the burrito you had for lunch.
In eight minutes you could fall in love with the boy (or girl) stocking shelves at Trader Joe's.
In eight minutes you could have fantastic sex with the man (or woman) of your dreams.
In eight minutes you could write a list of all the things you could do with the time you didn't lose because of cigarettes.
Think about it. How much do you value your eight minutes?

Survey

raien — 2005-02-07T09:02:56-05:00

Time you started this survey: 8:50 pm
Day: Monday
Month: February
Year: 2005
About you...
Name: Whitney
Age: 16.5+
Sex: Yes...I mean...female...
Birthdate: July 1, 1988
Hair color: Really dark brown...but it's dyed lighter than it actually is.
Eye color: Greenish hazelish...ish
Height: 5'7.5 (So we'll say 5'8)
Weight: HA HA HA yeah right you fucker
School: South River HS
Grade: 11th
What's your favorite...
Color: Uh, I don't really have one...maybe dark red or sage green...but blue is nice too...
Day of the week: Friday. A whole weekend to look forward to.
Class: Hmmm....maybe APUSH. It's the only one where I actually learn anything.
Season: Fall. Definitely fall.
Month: Uhhhh....dunno. Depends on where I am. Maybe September in New England.
City: New York. Or London. Or Boston. Or Chicago. I just love cities. DC is nice too...but different.
State: Somewhere up North. I'm an East Coast girl, so maybe Massachusettes or New York.
Country: Eh...I love England. But honestly, I'm kind of partial to the US. It's home anyway.
Hobby: Writing...or reading. But I like pretty much everything. I love museums...
Band: I don't have one favorite. But I love the Goo Goo Dolls, Counting Crows, the Beatles, etc.
CD: I'm really into Jimmy Eat World's "Futures" right now.
Movie: Girl, Interrupted. Or Gone with the Wind. Big Fish is awesome too. Oh and Pirates of the Caribbean and Finding Neverland...
Television show: How Do I Look? on the Style channel. Don't laugh. And That 70s Show and the Simpsons.
Board game: Balderdash, Catch Phrase, and Scrabble.
Card game: Hmmm...maybe Rummy or Poker. I like Egyptian Rat Screw though...
Ice cream flavor: Mint chocolate chip. Then coffee. Then chocolate. I hate vanilla ice cream.
Breakfast: Waffles! I never have them at home, but homemade waffles...drool...
Book: Slammerkin and The Other Boelyn Girl. But I have tons of favorites...
Food: Chinese food! Or Italian food! I <3 food. Peanut butter is excellent. So is mint chocolate chip ice cream. My favorite meal is chicken ceasar salad.
What's your ideal...?
College: Yale...hopefully...God I hope so...if not then NYU or Columbia or BU or University of Chicago...but I might not get in to any of those schools...
Major: Political science (maybe a Sociology minor) and then law school
Career: Lawyer...then Senator...then...President. Hey, I can aim high, can't I?
Place of residence: Somewhere in New England. Mass. or upstate NY, or Connecticut.
Family: Hmmm...maybe I'll get married...no kids though. But a dog and a cat for sure.
House: Something big and spacious. Lots of white. Very...breezy and open. Hopefully on the water.
Honeymoon: Somewhere exotic. Not something cliche like Hawaii. Maybe Egypt or India or something.
Do you have...?
Pets: Yes, a cat, 2 rabbits, and a fish.
Boyfriend/girlfriend: Oui. J'aime Christopher!
Friends: Yes...I would hope so anyway...
Crush: Well...I guess. If you want to call it that.
Computer: Yes...I'm using it right now...my Dell. My crappy virus-ridden Dell...
Blog: Mindsay rocks my socks. Oh yeah.
Cell phone: Yes, with Verizon. Good service, crappy phone. Need a new one.
Driver's license: No...cough...I'm working on it!
Tattoos: No, but I'll definately be getting some!
Piercings: Three holes in each ear and I'm getting my tongue pierced within the next month. I used to have my tongue web pierced. I eventually want to get my nipples pierced...
Vices: Yes. Loads. I procrastinate, I give myself little credit, I'm claustraphobic, and I'm way harder on myself than I should be...I think...maybe...Oh yeah, and snacking. That's a vice. ::sigh::
Do you...?
Smoke: No
Drink: Not very often. I hate alcohol actually. I think I might quit all together.
Have sex: Yes
Smoke pot: No
Do hard drugs: No. I really have no desire to melt my brain.
Read a lot: Yes
Do well on standardized tests: Yes
Eat meat: Ha ha ha that one's complex. I was a vegetarian for 4 years...but I've been awful lately!
Like yourself: No. Not at all.
Like school: Not really. But I deal with it.
Get good grades: Yes. Should I say no, to be modest? That's a dilemma. I get straight A's...
Time you finished this survey: 9:06 pm

no subject

raien — 2005-02-13T04:02:31-05:00

Sean Bean is Love

no subject

raien — 2005-02-20T08:02:51-05:00

In the summertime the bay gets so warm that the water doesn't provide the necessary refreshment, so I swim down to the bottom and hold my breath as long as I can while I bury my hands in the cool black silt chock full of clams, oysters, and all manners of sea-beasts.

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

raien — 2005-02-20T09:02:55-05:00

I went to the zoo today, with Chris, we had a really good time. The cheetah cubs are so cute! There are 4 cubs and their mom, Tumai. :) Soooo cute, here are some pics of some of the zoo-beasts:

There are 3 of the cubs. Great shot of Tumai, she's so gorgeous! Action shot! I love this one because it's got the whole family. Isn't he adorable? He's in the anteater family...he's so cute, in a pathetic kind of way. Golden Lion Tamarins - I love the colors on these guys This guy was soooo cool looking. Meow. Here kitty kitty kitty! We saw a whole bunch of other animals, but these are some of the better shots. Great day! And I solemnly apologize to all my friends who were going to come, we had really poor planning. :( Oh well, we'll go some where together next weekend! Love you all! -Whitney

no subject

raien — 2005-02-24T11:02:53-05:00

Your a Child of The '90s if... (bold all that apply)

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCH!"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air."
4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-Sitters Club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those little Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer Can't touch this, bebbeh.
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock."
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales."
12. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You played the game "MASH".
17. You wore a Jordache Jean jacket and you were proud of it.
18. L.A. Gear.
19. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten.
20. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books.
21. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF."
22. You wanted to be a Goonie.
23. You ever wore flourescent clothing.
24. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
25. You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
26. You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
27. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
28. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence.
29. You remember Hypercolor T-shirts
30. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
31. You thought She-Ra and He-Man should hook up.
32. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged friendship bracelets. 33. You owned a pair of jelly sandals. ...I remember I had to buy them myself because mom thought they were trashy...I saved up for months...
34. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
35. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
36. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
37. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip 'n' Slide.
38. You have ever played with a Skip-It. ...omg I loved my Skip-It!
39. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.
41. You remember Popples.
42. "Don't worry, be happy."
43. You wore eight pairs of socks over your tights
44. You wore socks scrunched down.
45. "Miss MARY MACK MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK"
46. You remember boom boxes vs. CD players.
47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
48. You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!"
49. You remember watching Rainbow Brite and My Little Ponies.
50. You thought Doogie Howser was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell," the ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - "YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME".
55. You played and or collected "Pogs" ...omg I had like 8 million
56. You used to pretend that you could transform into a Power Ranger.. I was the yellow one. I always tried to be original because everyone wanted to be the pink one.

Here's the plan.... ::whisper whisper::

raien — 2005-02-27T08:02:03-05:00

PunkyRockaChicka (8:48:03 PM): I think they should cancel school now and be done with it
QuietShiver (8:48:29 PM): they should
QuietShiver (8:48:35 PM): lousy school board
QuietShiver (8:48:53 PM): All schools open & operating on a normal schedule
QuietShiver (8:48:54 PM): what?!
QuietShiver (8:49:25 PM): have they not noticed the 100% chance of snow all day tomorrow?!
QuietShiver (8:49:27 PM): ?!?!
PunkyRockaChicka (8:51:13 PM): They're overpaid morons who wish to endanger our lives! We should picket outside their offices and throw gourds and bananas at their windows. That'll teach the selfish inconsiderate bastards.
QuietShiver (8:52:14 PM): I like the sound of this plan
QuietShiver (8:52:20 PM): rotten eggs too?
QuietShiver (8:52:44 PM): and we should make them catch the buses at 6 am
PunkyRockaChicka (8:52:54 PM): Yes!
PunkyRockaChicka (8:53:00 PM): In the cold and the dark
QuietShiver (8:53:04 PM): and rain
PunkyRockaChicka (8:53:11 PM): We should make them run after buses that come early...
QuietShiver (8:53:26 PM): and wait in the cold forr buses that come late
PunkyRockaChicka (8:53:32 PM): Yes
QuietShiver (8:53:47 PM): and have them ride the buses that smell and have no climate control
PunkyRockaChicka (8:53:51 PM): And then get to school in time for....an exciting 7:00 am pop test!
QuietShiver (8:54:05 PM): and have them stay up all night to finish homework
PunkyRockaChicka (8:54:17 PM): Yep. Hard homework.
QuietShiver (8:54:33 PM): yes!
PunkyRockaChicka (8:54:36 PM): Then they can eat cafeteria food...
QuietShiver (8:54:44 PM): muahaha
PunkyRockaChicka (8:55:28 PM): And stay after school until 5:00...everyday....and deal with actors....then go home and deal with bitching parents and mounds of homework.
QuietShiver (8:55:29 PM): and be penalized for being late to classes because they're the opposite sides of the school
PunkyRockaChicka (8:55:34 PM): Yup
PunkyRockaChicka (8:55:44 PM): Then we'll see how long it takes them to cancel school
PunkyRockaChicka (8:55:51 PM): Cynical bastards!
PunkyRockaChicka (8:55:57 PM): Were they never children?!!?
PunkyRockaChicka (8:56:03 PM): ERIC SMITH HAS NO SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
QuietShiver (8:56:33 PM): oh no, when they were kids, they had to walk uphill (both ways) through 3 feet of snow, even in the summer, to school
PunkyRockaChicka (8:57:22 PM): Right, we have it easy, of course!
QuietShiver (8:57:48 PM): *growl*
PunkyRockaChicka (8:59:01 PM): ::rolls eyes::
PunkyRockaChicka (8:59:14 PM): We'll make them pay.... Yes, precious, we'll make them pay!
PunkyRockaChicka (8:59:21 PM): Er...sorry.... ::cough::
PunkyRockaChicka (8:59:24 PM): Couldn't help myself
QuietShiver (8:59:27 PM): lol

Yay for vast quantities of frozen precipitation, yay, I say!

raien — 2005-02-28T10:02:52-05:00

So it was originally a snow angel...but I felt that alterations were necessary. :) -Whit No school, again!

Survey I took from LogicGurl

raien — 2005-02-28T11:02:28-05:00

Give me a break, it's a snow day, I have nothing better to do! (Actually, that's debateable, but bleh, I don't care!)
10 random things you like!
[10] Running
[09] Swimming and tubing in the Bay
[08] Shopping....so what? Sue me.
[07] Reading a good book
[06] Listening to the rain fall
[05] Hanging out with my friends
[04] Museums (I love living so close to DC)
[03] Travelling
[02] Good food (Italian...or Chinese food...yum)
[01] New York City

9 of your closest friends
[9] Chris
[8] Erin
[7] Jen
[6] Emily
[5] Rachel
[4] Maggie
[3] Matt
[2] Rachele
[1] Is it bad that I don't have 9 close friends?

8 things you DON’T like
[8] Not having a driver's license
[7] George W Bush
[6] Getting up at 6:00 am for school
[5] Having a limited money source
[4] Not having a job
[3] Not having any time for a job
[2] Being unsure about my future
[1] People who use religion as a crutch

7 places you would like to visit
[7] New Haven, Connecticut
[6] New York City (I think I'm going for spring break...maybe)
[5] England (I go every year, I love it)
[4] Alaska (Going this summer!)
[3] The South of France (Going this summer!)
[2] Egypt
[1] Mexico

6 places where you’ve slept in before
[6] My bed
[5] My grandparent's house in England...especially after an 8-hour plane ride
[4] On my sail boat
[3] Emily's house...we never go to bed until like 5:00 am (Yay for watching Star Wars all night)
[2] Hmmm...I'm always up at the crack of dawn at my house...
[1] And my family never sleeps in on vacations....ever

5 foods you like
[5] Chinese food! (Fried rice, egg rolls, veggie lo mein, kung pow chicken, etc etc etc)
[4] Pizza (Cheese only)
[3] Peanut butter
[2] Chocolate ice cream with brownie chunks
[1] Chicken ceasar salad (My all time favorite!)

4 things you want to do before you die
[4] Get a PhD and practice law
[3] Be President of the United States (In all seriousness...)
[2] Live in New York City (Or Chicago or Boston)
[1] Do something crazy with a tiny budget- Backpack across the US or bike across Europe

3 people you want to meet before you die
[3] Bill Clinton
[2] Johnny Depp
[1] Cameron Diaz

2 events you will never forget
[2] September 11th...even though that seems terribly cliche
[1] The death of Dorothy Lee Collison...RIP...

The 1 person you will always love
[1] My Mom

If I were..
a month I would be: September...or August in New England
a day of the week I would be: Saturday
a time of day I would be: 3 pm
a planet I would be: Earth
a sea animal I would be: A dolphin
a direction I would be: Northeast
a piece of furniture I would be: My bed...the bed of love!
a sin I would be:...lack of chastity? lol
a historical figure I would be: Elizabeth I
a liquid I would be: Diet Sprite
a tree I would be: A dogwood
a flower/plant I would be: A lily
a kind of weather I would be: 75 degrees, sunny, blue sky, light breeze....perfect
a musical instrument I would be: A clarinet
an animal I would be: A leopard
a color I would be: Pink...or blue
a vegetable I would be: An artichoke
a sound I would be: Crickets in the summer
an element I would be: Silver
a car I would be: Mitsubishi Eclipse convertible
a song I would be: Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls
a movie I would be directed by: Tim Burton
a book I would be written by: Tolstoy
a food I would be: A Lindt dark chocolate truffle
a place I would be: New York City
a material I would be: Lace
a taste I would be: Lemon
a scent I would be: Givenchy's Very Irresistable
a word I would be: Whirlwind
an object I would be: A rose
a facial expression I would be: ;)
a cartoon character I would be: Sylvester the Cat
a shape I would be a: Diamond
a number I would be: 21

Dimpled dogs devour delicious donuts and down daquiris.

raien — 2005-02-28T03:02:11-05:00

Oh.
My.
God.
I have reached an all new level of bored. I didn't know it was possible to be this bored. I have nothing to do. Nothing. Well, in actuality, that's not entirely true. I could:
1. Read my SAT prep book (But would that really alleviate my boredom? No.)
2. Do my APUSH homework (That would be breaking my perfect record of procrastination.)
3. Do my English homework (No. Why? Refer to #2. That's right above this one, genius.)
4. Do laundry (Ummmmmm. No.)
5. Watch yet another movie. I've already run through all three Harry Potters... (Ha it was great, I accidentally typed "Harry Pooter"... God I must be bored if I'm this easily amused...)
6. Clean the study. (I don't like cleaning...)
7. Clean my bedroom. (I really don't like cleaning.)
8. Shop online (Not as much fun as shopping in person, belive it or not.)
9. Run on the treadmill. (For one, that would involve getting dressed...I'm not up for that quite yet.)
10. A multitude of other tasks which would either further bore me or worse, involve thinking.
So there. That is my NOT-To-Do-List. I'd love to go shopping...or bowling...or anything, for that matter. As long as I'm not sitting on my ass in here...or in the media room...or in the kitchen...
Help help help help help. Help.
I am dying of boredom. Dying, I say!
Dying...
Dying...
Dyi.....
::collapses on heap in floor::
::twitches::
-Boots

Life is a lesson.

raien — 2005-02-28T04:02:53-05:00

Snow is beautiful, isn't it? Pure and white and clean. This frozen precipitation is nothing if not a gift from above. Snow coats everything with a layer of holiness; all beings are granted a new beginning with a powdery cover of fresh snow. Objects that were once mundane are now crucial; the once forgotten snowblower is taken out, the dust-covered shovel is removed from the shed, the ice scraper, clutched by winter-chapped hands, is revived on yet another frosty morning. While snow is not abnormal at this time of year, it seems to upheave our daily activities in the most unusual ways. For example, my fellow students and I were not allowed to attend school today. We have been cooped up in our houses, locked in our dormitories, shut in our myriad of abodes. But I, for one, have learned things about myself on this icy, winter day. When I awoke this morning, I was perhaps unprepared for the great adventures I would undertake on this, this most revered of days, the "snow day". I sat down to my usual break-fast of toast with a spread of blackberry preserves, and looked out the window onto my frozen backyard and the frigid, churning waters of the South River. Now, you must understand, one can only look out over the water for so long before one becomes...anguished. The river only made me crave summer,the season when I will plunge into its murky depths and frolic for hours among the frothy waves and jelly-fish. So I ceased my observations and proceeded to yet another intriguing activity: I watched all three of the Harry Potter movies. By this point, I felt lazy. I felt lazy and unproductive. Since I am a doer, I decided to change this and alter my day for the better. Being the constructive sort, I longed to build something. To pick up two pieces wood, deep cherry in color, rough and unsanded, and conclude with a beautifully polished rocking chair or nightstand gives one the greatest sense of accomplishment in the world. Unfortunately, I was privy to neither wood nor hammer nor sandpaper nor the burning desire to break a finger-nail. So I decided to build with another material, the most holy of sustances; a divine-stuff if nothing else. I built a house of cheese. I tired for minutes, stopping for neither food nor drink nor cellular telephone calls. And then it was finished; my masterpiece; my great creation: My maison au fromage. Being the deconstructive sort, I could not let such a structure stand without trial. What is a building if it has not been tested by the elements? A suitable house must withstand fierce gales, breaking waves, and hail stones the size of kumquats. I had neither gales nor waves nor kumquats with which to test my structure, so I was forced to use another element, more deadly than the others combined...the microwave. Oh, the feared microwave! The greatest predator of frozen leftovers and TV dinners - and oh, the grandiose power of the defrost button! The defrost button! I am afraid that after 23 seconds in this device, this so-hated piece of technology, my house was reduced to smithereens. My minutes of labor! My tireless efforts to mount a flag and raise a roof, all gone to waste with a blurp and a bubble of extra-pasteurized desire flowing into a plasticy-pool on my mother's china plate. And so end my adventures in construction and destruction. But, these trials have not been without learning! I've learned about life, and love, and dairy products. I've learned that when your mother asks you what on earth you're doing, the answer is not, "I'm building a house of cheese." (What the correct answer is I'm not sure, but believe me, mine was not it.) Perhaps, when I take on my next project, I will build with cheddar instead of American, as it seems to be of a more rigid variety... Until then, my friends, farewell, and I hope your day is as productive as mine. [Fade to black] -Whitney

50 Things I Dislike

raien — 2005-03-08T08:03:33-05:00

Waking up at 6:00 am to go to school
Vanilla ice cream
Olives
Make-up work
My AP Environmental class
Cleaning my room
Being stuck inside on snow days
Getting the bottoms of my pants wet
Spiders...especially the ones that bite
Mosquitos
My hips...or my thighs...
People who are intolerant
The third Matrix movie
The second Harry Potter movie
Not having any money
Not having any free time
Too much homework
My struggles with excessive procrastination
The second Mulan movie (hokey hokey hokey)
Telemarketers who call during dinner
Worrying about the future
The writing callus on my middle finger
Having enormous feet
My constant headaches
Losing or misplacing things
Not having my license
Driving with my mother
When my ears get infected
People who are overly self-absorbed
Organized religion
People who use religion as a crutch
Teachers on ego-trips
Belly-button lint
Snorting root beer out of my nose (it really burns)
Saying something you think is funny and then finding out it's really not
People you type like "u r hot and u kno it"....God, so annoying!
Communicating important things over AIM
Not having time to read
My constant workload without a pause
The fact that I don't look like a Victoria's Secret model and never will
My inability to type properly
My lack of musical talent
Margarine
Burger King fries
Not being recognized for my accomplishments
Blue ink...I only write in black
Dark high-lighters that make it impossible to read the text
Winters that last forever...well, cold weather in general
The fact that my mousepad inhibits the smooth movement of my mouse
When my cat barfs on the carpet...like everyday

50 Things I Like

raien — 2005-03-08T09:03:54-05:00

Waking up at 8:00 in the morning after a good night's sleep
Hanging out with my friends
Hiking and camping
Bike riding
Politics
Going to the beach
Warm sunny weather, blue skies, about 80 degrees
My boyfriend ;)
Chocolate ice cream
Fat free cool whip
Diet soda (Especially Diet Sunkist and Diet Sprite)
All manners of vegetables
My school's theatre company
Shopping
Doing things that are active
Writing
Reading
Organizing- Hey, so what?
Listening to music, live is even better than recorded!
Jen, Emily, Matt, Rachel, Rachele, Maggie, Erin, and all my other friends
Europe and travelling
Museums, the zoo, the aquarium, etc.
New York City, DC, Chicago...big cities
Taking long, hot showers
Yale.
Running
Bowling for Soup's song "1985"
Ebay
Expressing my opinion
Chicken ceasar salad (with the dressing on the side)
People who are nice to me
My cast for Animal Crackers
Disney movies that were my favorites as a kid
Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban
Mis-typing "Potter" and typing "Pooter"
Monty Python
Vanilla Sky
Fight Club
Angelina Jolie
Brittany Murphy
Chick flicks
Things and people that make me laugh
Bowling (even though I'm an awful bowler)
Books of all kinds
Carrot sticks dipped in mustard
Animal Crackers (the cookies, not the show...but I like the show too!)
The Style Channel
History
Philosophy
Knowing that it the end, it's all gonna be alright

Just like the perpetual seasons.

raien — 2005-03-09T10:03:21-05:00

Changes.
I'm not the same person I was last summer.
Maybe no one else can see it, but I can.
Is this going to make everything different?

My Essay for AP English (Read passage, then refute, support, or qualify)

raien — 2005-03-10T12:03:05-05:00

In concurrence with the passage from Wendell Berry’s What Are People For?, technology’s sole purposes are to obtain money and ease life’s tasks. Technology is not utilized to increase the integrity of our families, communities, or country; it is utilized to make super efficient Xerox copiers, Cappuccino machines that produce better foam, and calculators that do our homework for us. Technology is all about saving money, earning more money, and decreasing workload.
To blame technological advances on the prospect of a better future is an unquestionable falsehood; the future may never happen; what if this is as far as the road goes? Human beings are intrinsically self-interested; when they do things, they do them to benefit themselves in some way, whether they are bold enough to admit it or not. There are few, if any, truly selfless beings in existence, and according to Darwin’s theories of evolution and survival of the fittest, selfless beings have neither a right to exist nor to survive. Organisms, humans included, must fight for themselves and be selfish if they wish to live in a comfortable manner with any type of convenience.
While many of the devices provided by technology are not absolutely necessary, they add to the tranquility and leisure of our lives. Where would we be without TiVo, riding lawnmowers, and, more importantly, running water? Although increasing the ease of human life may seem superficial and relatively inconsequential compared to other, seemingly more imperative matters, people tend to be happier when they can simply walk down the hall to the bathroom in the middle of the night rather than traipsing outside to the noisome outhouse in below freezing weather while wearing nothing but their skivvies and a pair of bunny slippers. Content humans tend to be more productive, not to mention more agreeable to interact with.
While technology works toward greater convenience, it also supports the capitalist machine in its perpetual advancements to increase the net value of production. Without interchangeable parts and Henry Clay’s American System with the innovations in the assembly line developed by Henry Ford, the cost of production would greatly increase for all items, from cans of Spaghettios to BMWs to DVD players. These technological changes boost the economy and increase the speed and efficiency with which we produce goods. It takes far less time to compose a rocking chair on an assembly line in a factory than it does for a woodworker to carve one by hand. If technology were intended to increase the integrity of our families, it would support the single, hardworking carpenter rather than the mass production of America’s ever-growing industrialized factory system. Technology knows no sentimentality; it does not treasure a homemade Christmas ornament or a freshly baked cookie from Mother’s inefficient, domestic-sized oven. Technology knows only the bittersweet, impersonal taste of progress.
While technology is designed to make the lives of present beings more pleasant, it inherently benefits humans of the future; they will reap the seeds sewn by 21st century inventors, doctors, and scientists. But these 21st century innovative minds typically do not work for the future; they work for the present. One does not wake up in the morning and think how he can improve the lives of his neighbor’s grandchildren, or his own, for that matter. One wakes up and thinks about beating rush hour by pressing a little harder on the gas, or grabbing a fast breakfast on the go, either a Pop Tart from the cabinet or a packaged breakfast sandwich at the drive-through. Technology decreases the time needed for every task, from the most mundane to the most extraordinary, and in this day and age, time is money; people are continuously professing increasingly higher values for a moment of their time. No one can get more time, but one can increase the efficiency of the utilization of one’s time. The self-interested human will inevitably try to increase his income and quality of life, through whatever means he finds necessary. After all, who would go to all the trouble of brewing a pot of coffee when Dunkin Donuts will sell it for under a dollar a cup?

I got a new dog!

raien — 2005-03-14T07:03:02-05:00

I got a dog yesterday! His name is Colby, he's a three year old black and white English Springer Spaniel. He is absolutely the sweetest thing ever! Here's a typical greeting from my dog: ::Walks up, sits down, flops over, legs go into the air:: He loves everyone and is addicted to belly rubs. I love my new doggy!

Daffy-dills

raien — 2005-03-20T06:03:32-05:00

The daffodils are growing. I can hear them wriggling their skinny roots in the black soil; I can see them stretching their baby green shoots towards the waxing sun. The winter crocuses bend back towards the earth in submission to the tall bright yellow flowers who surpass them in brilliance, if not in modesty.
The daffodils are growing. The bravest ones have already shed their papery shells to display their gawdy blossoms to a pale blue firmament; they lean their scalloped faces to grasp muted fragments of the sun's warmth, which is still flecked with winter chills. Perhaps they have emerged too soon; bursting with the milk of spring's sweet innocence, they have forgotten the danger of frost; they have forgotten how the cold can seep into their bulbs and silence their merriment for another season.
The daffodils are growing. The eager gardener plucks a flower and lifts it to her lips, not to taste, but rather, to inhale. She takes a breath and feels the subtle warmth of spring gather in her lungs. When she exhales, the warmth does not leave her; it lingers, as if in anticipation of her next breath that will draw in more cool sweet air.
The daffodils are growing. It is the spring that feeds them with good nutrients of health; it is the spring that grants them warm rains that quench their thirsts that have endured the dry winter; it is the spring that brings them the light of the sun to which they turn their faces and drink up like warm honey.
The daffodils are here. And with them, they have brought the spring.

-Raien

Chillin like a Villain

raien — 2005-03-28T06:03:43-05:00

This is the last day of spring break. I'm heart broken. Absolutely miserable. I really don't want to go to school tomorrow. At least I get Friday off for that art trip to Philly. Of course, that means shitloads of make-up work. Fuuuuck.
I'm screwed. Rehearsal everyday next week...at least I have one more week before tech week. That reminds me that I have to get advertising up...agggh. Another think I don't have time for. Oh well. I'll get it done. I always do.
I'm going to the mall to buy a birthday present for my mom...I have no idea what to get her. Oh well.
It's been raining all day. Alll day.
-Whit
"Today looks like a wet-fur day to me..."

I am going to bitch:

raien — 2005-03-29T10:03:28-05:00

I have a headache.
I feel nauseous.
My throat hurts.
It's really hot in this room.
My mom's being a bitch.
I have a lot of homework to do. I don't want to do it.
Bleh.
I'm going to go barf now.
-Whit

Field Trip

raien — 2005-04-01T10:04:30-05:00

Great day today, I went on a field trip to Philly with my art history class. The Salvador Dali exhibit was amazing, and I bought a hot vintage Nicole Miller dress (my favorite designer ever!) and a pink cropped Juicy Couture jacket at half price because I smiled pretty. lol. I have to go to bed soonish because I have to get up early as balls tomorrow morning. Oh well. And I owe Rachele $136. Need to pay her back, will do.
I'm off.
-Whitney

no subject

raien — 2005-04-03T09:04:12-05:00

I refuse to fish for answers. If you won't tell me what you need, I will only give you questions.
This life is only a segway into the next.
Fade to black.
-Whitney
(And by the way, I really want some chocolate ice cream.)

Field trip

raien — 2005-04-14T09:04:21-05:00

And yet another exciting art history field trip! A little closer to home this time, we trekked to Washingotn DC and the National Gallery of Art for the day. We didn't look at much art actually, we were kind fo on a tight schedule. And, I must say, I was appauled by the exorbitant prices in the museum's cafeteria! $7.50 for a small bowl of fruit?!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/Raienwitch/Washington%20DC%20Field%20Trip/100_0098_r1.jpg>
This was a really neat sculpture inside the National Gallery. What's he thinking? Hmmm.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/Raienwitch/Washington%20DC%20Field%20Trip/100_0121.jpg>
I love this shot... The girls holding hands show a lot of movement and I love how the figures in the foreground frame them.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/Raienwitch/Washington%20DC%20Field%20Trip/100_0093.jpg>
I really liked this painting...great colors. Even if it is a little abstract...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/Raienwitch/Washington%20DC%20Field%20Trip/100_0101.jpg>
I love this shot... (Rachel, me, and Em.)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/Raienwitch/Washington%20DC%20Field%20Trip/100_0106.jpg>
The three of us, again.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/Raienwitch/Washington%20DC%20Field%20Trip/100_0105.jpg>
Charlie's Angel's what?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/Raienwitch/Washington%20DC%20Field%20Trip/100_0113.jpg>
Matt is so pimp ;)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/Raienwitch/Washington%20DC%20Field%20Trip/100_0115.jpg>
Feet! (Clockwise from top: Rachel, Em, Me, and Matt)
So, great day, actually. We had a lot of fun. Even if our bus driver took the looong way to DC. :)
Love you all, I'm going to go do some homework. Hopefully my fourth marking period grades will be an improvement over last quarter's...
-Whitney

Watch the rain fall down as you rest your head on a glass pillow

raien — 2005-04-19T08:04:13-05:00

Copy n Paste this into your Blog...bold watever IS TRUE
01. I miss somebody right now
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love olives (black ones)
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books.
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I've tried marijuana
09. I've watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy - although I don't always follow that
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I curse frequently...especially when im mad
16. I have changed alot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby
18. I've been told I can suck the chromes off a trailer hitch.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I'm really, really smart
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I'm paranoid at times
25. I need money right now!
26. I love Sushi
27. I talk really, really fast sometimes
28. I have fresh breath in the morning
29. I have semi-long hair...sometimes
30. I have lost money in Las Vegas
31. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
32. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
33. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
34. I have a twin
35. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past
36. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
37. I like the way that I look sometimes
38. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
39. I am usually pessimistic
40. I have a lot of mood swings
41. I think prostitution should be legalized
42. I think Britney Spears is hot
43. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
44. I have a hidden talent
45. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
46. I think that I'm popular
47. I am currently single
48. I have kissed someone of the same sex
49. I enjoy talking on the phone
50. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants
51. I love to shop
52. I would rather shop than eat
53. I would classify myself as ghetto
54. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
55. I'm obsessed with my online journal
56. I don't hate anyone.
57. I'm a pretty good dancer
58. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
59. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
60. I have a cell phone
61. I believe in God
62. I watch MTV/Vh1 on a daily basis
63. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
64. I love drama
65. I have never been in a real romantic relationship before
66. I have rejected someone before
67. I currently have a crush on someone
68. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
69. I want to have children in the future.
70. I have changed a diaper before
71. I've called the cops on a friend before
72. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
73. I'm not allergic to anything
74. I have a lot to learn
75. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
76. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie
77. I am very shy around the opposite sex
78. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message
79. I have at least 5 away messages saved
80. I have tried alcohol or drugs before
81. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past
82. I own the "South Park" movie
83. I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Mindsay
84. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum
85. I enjoy some country music
86. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
87. I watch soap operas whenever I can
88. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
89. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
90. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
91. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story"
92. Halloween is awesome
93. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
94. I have dated a close friend's ex
95. I'm happy as of this moment
96. I was born in the 80s but I am truly a child of the 90s
97. I haven't showered in two days . . . and I like it.
98. I'd rather be in Germany than anywhere else.
99. Im obsessed with getting manicures/pedicures
100. I want to visit Italy either for the first time or again...
101. I'm one of those types who are easily amused; the stupidest of things can make me laugh.
102. i've cried within the last week
103. I have flirted with someone I didnt like just to get something out of it.
104. I like at least three British Comedy TV Shows
105. I have overslept and missed my classes
106. I've been on TV
107. I listen to music no matter what I am doing
108. I yell at the TV when I watch sports
109. I miss being homeless
110. I've been cheated on before by a significant other
111. I've killed someone before
112. I have eaten squid before..and I've liked it.
113. I've been on cops once or twice
114. I hate men, and also women, I hate all human kind
115. I had a crush on my friend's bestfriend.
116. I think Hilary Duff is a bitch
117. I have gotten raped before.
118. Ive hit someone with a car before
119. I have been betrayed too many times to count
120. I have mad b-ball skillz.
121. I'm afraid of fire
122. I've been called a fungus several times in my life.
123. I think people should finish eating before they speak.
124. Sometimes I pretend I don't care even though I do
125. Sometimes I smile and pretend nothing's wrong, and everyone believes it

no subject

raien — 2005-04-23T02:04:33-05:00

My name is Whitney.
Some people call me Whit.
Or Wit.
Or Boots.
I was born in July.
But just barely.
I like ice cream a lot.
Chocolate, strawberry, and mint chocolate chip are all good.
But not vanilla.
I do not like vanilla ice cream.
Gelato is amazing.
Because it is ice cream (almost) but better.
If I could be any animal I would be a
Well I don't really know.
I haven't thought about it a lot.
I kind of like being a person.
I think I would like to be an animal cracker.
Because they're yummy.
And good with ice cream.
(Except vanilla because nothing is good with vanilla. Nothing.)
I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
If I grow up.
Maybe I'll be a journalist.
Or a fashion designer.
Or a lawyer.
Could I be a professional shopper?
I'm listening to a mixed CD that Matt made me.
Matt is my friend now.
But the first time I met him, in seventh grade, I flicked him off.
A teacher yelled at me.
Matt doesn't remember that.
Which is probably good.
I'm wearing a pink shirt.
I like pink.
Even if Chris doesn't.
Chris is my boyfriend.
I love him very much.
Even if he can be a grumpy bugger.
I am going to England next week.
But I am sad.
Because my Grandmother died and I ahve to go to her funeral.
I wish she hadn't died.
She was a good grandmother.
I miss her.
Maybe when I grow up
If I grow up
I'll figure out how to make people live forever.
Or I'll just eat chocolate ice cream.

no subject

raien — 2005-05-03T08:05:20-05:00

I have lost 8 pounds. I'm sure no one else cares, but I do.
Yay!
-Whit

Sweeeeetness

raien — 2005-06-07T06:06:26-05:00

Chris and I scored sweet tickets for the Killers concert tomorrow at Merriweather Post Pavillion: 2nd row pit! As in 2 rows from the stage! AGGGGGG! Sweeet!!!! (I'm sooooo excited!!!) I love the Killers!!

As she wiped the snow from her eyes, she scanned the trees for a miracle.

raien — 2005-06-14T08:06:57-05:00

So it's the last week of school! Only 2 days left, after today. Exams have been fine so far. Here's my schedule for the week:
Monday- AP US History and AP Art History
Tuesday- Independent study and French IV
Wednesday- Pre-Calculus and Religion
Thursday- AP English Lang and AP Environmental
Yesterday wasn't too bad, even though the APUSH exam was long (150 questions, an essay, and a letter). I'm in my independent study exam right now, actually, which is kind of a joke. So no worries there. French could go either way.
I'm going to an Orioles game tonight. I'm so excited! I even bought a pretty new dress to wear. Hopefully it will be a good game. I'll take pictures! (Which reminds me that I should upload some pictures from junior prom, prom, and the Killers concert.)
10 days til I leave for France! Holy schmoley I'm excited!
I'll see you on the dark side, baby.
<3 Whitney

no subject

raien — 2005-06-23T12:06:13-05:00

This is my list of complaints. Please don't read it. I'll only sound whiney. I'm just having a shit time right now.
1. My parents make me pay for everything. Clothes, shoes, car, car insurance,gas , senior pictures, french trip alaska trip, etc. I even pay for most of my food bc I'm never home.
2. I was supposed to get a job, but now I can't because they want to go on a three week vacation. So how do I pay for everything...if I can't get a summer job and am not allowed to work during the school year?
3. My period went away for 3 days. Then it came back. This is day 10 of my period. I'm going to bleed to death and I feel awful.
4. I miss my boyfriend.
5. My birthday is in eight days and I will be 17 and I dont care. My parents aren't getting me anything bc they say I'm rude and I wont even be here. And I'm not allowed to have a party because mom says I'm too old. I dont' really want one anyway though I guess.
6. I really miss my grandparents. My grandma's dead and my grandpa lives in England and can't fly, and he doesnt want to take a ship by himself. So I might never get to see him again.
7. I'm really worried about college and I don't know how I'm going to pay for it. My parents say that it's my responsibility.
8. I just want to go to bed and sleep forever.

Just another adventure

raien — 2005-06-24T12:06:34-05:00

I leave for France today. My plane takes off at 6:00. Hopefully it will be fun. <3 Whit

And the days go by like hours

raien — 2005-07-19T03:07:52-05:00

So I got my AP scores....I did ok. US- 5 Eng Lang- 5 Env Science- 5 Art History- 3 (but what did you expect? lol go G.!) And tonight I'm going to a concert...3 Doors Down with No Address, Breaking Benjamin, and Staind. Should be sweet. I'll update later. Btw, Alaska was sweet! <3 Whitney

Long time no update

raien — 2005-08-30T10:08:19-05:00

School has officially started....and ended. No school tomorrow- woo hoo! So that means I have no obligations until 3:30. Yay! Now, to any normal person, half a day with no obligations might not seem that special, but for me, it's awesome! I never get time off. When I'm not at school, I'm at one of my two jobs, or I'm doing homework. So this is quite welcome. I have time tomorrow to finish up my government reading and notes and work on the summer assignment that I didn't do (because I got the wrong one because the main office gave it to me).
I got a new piercing today...kind of exciting- my tragus on my left ear. It looks really sweet, and hardly hurt at all. I just went to Mystics and did it. Woo hoo for spontaneous bravery. I'll try and take a picture of it and post it....just like I've been promising to post my France, Alaska, Maine, and New York pictures....I'll get around to it...sure. It doesn't look brilliant right now, because it still has a pen mark on it, but it should be improved after I clean it tomorrow morning. With any luck, it won't get infected, and will be healed in six weeks!
On a side note, pay day is on Friday. I was really excited about this, until it occured to me that a pay period ends one week before checks are distributed, and I was on vacation two weeks ago. So the paycheck only covers one week of work...and I think I only worked three shifts that week. Oh well. Some money is better than no money, and I really need to start saving up for college.
College....hmmm... Well I finished part 1 of my Columbia application and have a few things ready to submit to my counselor....I really hope I get accepted...
Alright, I'm going to work on my AP Government work...
<3 Whitney
We didn't start the fire...

Ta da

raien — 2005-08-31T10:08:49-05:00

no subject

raien — 2005-09-05T06:09:24-05:00

I worked today. Know what's sweet? Today was a holiday. So I made double pay. Sex. You know what's not so sweet. I also work tomorrow. Which is not a holiday. <3 Whitney

Full of sea breeze and sunshine

raien — 2005-09-06T11:09:55-05:00

So I submitted the first part of my application to Columbia University this evening. Plus the ($65!!!!) application fee. All I really have left to do is get my recommendations, talk to my counselor, and write my essay. The essay is what I'm really thinking hard about. Well, if all goes well, I'll know what college I'm going to by the middle of December. God I will be a wreck the day I get that letter. I probably won't even open it. I'll just hold on to it for a while. Maybe frame it until March. Sometimes its better not to know, and if I don't get in, I'm going to be really...disenheartened... Keep your fingers crossed for me! <3

24 fluid ounces of wholesome family fun

raien — 2005-09-07T10:09:16-05:00

I want to get a vertical labret.
And I will.
After the Renaissance Festival ends.
Ta da.
<3 Whit

no subject

raien — 2005-09-19T08:09:34-05:00

Oooooh I am sick.
This is not good.
I have overworked myself and now I am sick.
I have no time to recooperate.
Ooooh dear this is really not good.
Shiiiiiit.

I wish Clinton could be king.

raien — 2005-09-20T05:09:52-05:00

So I'm really struggling to find time to get everything done. I have so much to do... I think I may have spread myself a little thin. Mmm.
Well I don't know what's going to happen with Ren Fest.
And I have to handle the Youth Rise showcase assembly skit...I can't believe Ms Fink threw that one at me. It's a mess.
Ooooh dear. I need a mental health day.
<3 Whit

I received your letter only yesterday

raien — 2005-09-21T08:09:39-05:00

It's a mess isn't it? I'm glad I don't live on the gulf.
They think Rita will be worse than Katrina. It's so awful...

It was a beautiful adventure.

raien — 2005-09-22T09:09:42-05:00

I have a paper, two reading journals, and an article summary due tomorrow. And I have a test that I really should study for.
I'm not usually this much of a procrastinator. C'est un mystere, non?
[love]
Whitney the Invincible

Would you trust the sun if he asked to hold your hand?

raien — 2005-09-24T09:09:06-05:00

I partied last night like it was 1995. I haven't done that in ages.
I officially love Bailey's Irish Creme.
I drank half a bottle of Southern Comfort- I HATE SoCo. But hey, I managed ok.
I think.
I don't really remember... ;)
<3 Whit

I'm in the dead center of town.

raien — 2005-09-26T08:09:15-05:00

I had the shittiest day ever at work today. The head chef was there (Marissa), and she is such a bitch. I mean, a complete, absolute, unnecessary bitch. She goes out of her way to make everyone miserable. (This is not an exaggeration.) I forgot to call a steak back into the kitchen. Stupid, stupid thing to forget. But I never forget, ever. This is like the first time. And this was the worst night possible to do so. She was so mean about it and I just wanted to cry or maybe throw a dish at her face. If Robert, the other chef who is amazingly nice, had been there, it would have been ok. I mean, it still would have been bad, because I did make a mistake, and because of it my table had to wait longer for their meals, but it would have been forgiveable. Marissa was just rude and impolite and treated me like I was stupid. After I took the food out to the table, I noticed that one of the meals had the wrong side dish. Which was totally Marissa's fault. She's really careless. But there was no way I could go back into the kitchen and have her fix it...because she'd just yell at me again. So I just had to pray that the guy wouldn't notice he was eating pilaf instead of mixed vegetables. Either he forgot what he ordered or just didn't say anything, thank God. If she worked there everyday, I'd quit. Well, shittiest day ever, in summary. But on a lighter note...my Grandpa's here from England and my Mommy's home. That's nice. I missed her and I haven't seen him since my Grandma's funeral this spring. Well I'm going to go read my psychology book... Hasta la vista. <3 Whit

no subject

raien — 2005-09-26T11:09:37-05:00

I am constantly disappointed in people. Maybe my expectations are too specific.
1. If girl needs a ride home, give her a ride. Don't make her walk. At night. By herself. On a highway.
2. Do not pressure said girl to date ANYONE. Girl does not care. Girl wants to be left the fuck alone.
3. Do not say "Oh, girl is single, now I can have free sex." No way. Not happening. Fuck yourself. (Girl has no interest in sex from anyone. ANYONE.)
4. Do not think that said girl is stupid, naive, or otherwise ignorant to ANYTHING. Girl is not. She is smart and intuitive. Not to mention a worthy person.
5. Do not attempt to pull the wool over girl's eyes. Refer to rule #4.
6. Please, if you break any rules, apologize to girl. She deserves it. Do not blame her for the things you do wrong. Your actions are not her fault. (Ie. You get angry at girl and wreck your car, it is NOT her fault.)
7. Girl would appreciate civil telephone conversations. She does not appreciate being harassed, yelled at, or chastized, at any time.
8. Please, leave said girl alone. She is not lonely. She does not need anyone.

no subject

raien — 2005-09-28T04:09:55-05:00

Je ne m'aime pas.
Je ne m'aime pas.
Je ne m'aime pas.
Je ne m'aime pas.
Je ne m'aime pas.
Je ne m'aime pas.
Je ne m'aime pas.
Je ne m'aime pas.
Je ne m'aime pas.
Je ne m'aime pas.

no subject

raien — 2005-10-01T11:10:57-05:00

A - Age of your first kiss: Really young. Like 5. I used to kiss all the boys.
B - Band you are listening to right now: None.
C - Crush: A secret!
D - Dad's name: Jerry Wayne
E - Easiest person to talk to: I don't really like to talk to people about "those things."
F - Favorite ice cream: Coffee or mint chocolate chip.
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears? Bears.
H - Hometown: Annapolis
I - Instruments: None.
J - Jr. High School: Central Middle
K - Kids: I do not like children. I will never have them.
L - Longest car ride ever: Driving 16 hours from Maine to Edgewater in one day.
M - Mom's name: Lynne Carole
N - Nicknames: Whit, Wit, Hoot
O - One wish: 58120
P - Phobia[s]: Food! lol I'm so weird. And failure, not getting where I want to go in life.
Q - Quote: Well-behaved women never make history.
R - Reason to smile: Funny movies, my friends, my puppy
S - Song you sang last: Hmmm...something last night when Rae was in the car with me...I think it was Switchfoot
T - Time you woke up today: 11:00... I never sleep that late, but I totally deserved it.
U - Unknown fact about me: I broke a nail this morning. (Exciting, right?)
V - Vegetable[s] you hate: Hmmm...I kind of like all of the vegetables.
W - Worst habit: Binging.
X - X-rays you've had: My ass!!
Y - Years since you've been to church?: I went this summer when I was in Alaska.
Z - Zodiac sign: Cancer. ::crabby::

no subject

raien — 2005-10-02T11:10:20-05:00

I just finished my college admission essay for Columbia....
...so I'm done with the application...
Woah...

Justify your conclusion.

raien — 2005-10-05T08:10:26-05:00

Columbia application: submitted. But I must be realistic. My chances for getting in are not very good at all. I hope I do get in, but sadly, it's unlikely.
Work was fine tonight. Dramatic, but fine.
I know it's impolite to discuss a lady's weight, but my cat has lost 4 pounds! From 15 pounds to 11! Which is a lot when you're only a foot tall. Six months ago, I had a fat cat and a malnourished dog. Now I have a fat dog and a malnourished cat. (Guess where my cat's extra food has been going? Uhh huh.)
So I don't really want to go to homecoming. Or maybe I do. Who knows.
I'm going to go do some homework.
<3 Whitney

no subject

raien — 2005-10-06T08:10:53-05:00

My life is like sculpture.
Perfection isn't reached when there's nothing left to add; it's when there's nothing left to take away.

College!

raien — 2005-10-09T12:10:30-05:00

Well, I have to face the reality that my chances for getting into Columbia are not brilliant. I mean, fuck, anything can happen, but I can't get my hopes up...and I have to have a plan B.
Here are 13 plan Bs, the other schools I'm interested in. Does anyone know anything interesting about them? I mean, stuff I wouldn't know from a campus tour/website/viewbook?
Boston College
Boston U
Barnard College (NYC)
U of Penn
Yale (Conn.)
Harvard (Mass.)
Princeton (NJ)
Emerson College (Boston, and it's all communications-based)
New York University
Georgetown U (DC)
Washington and Jefferson College (PA)
University of MD: College Park (For my mom's sake- though I will never go there.)
Goucher College (Baltimore)
George Washington U (DC)
Feedback? Anyone?
Hopefully I'll get into at least one school!! ><
-Whitney

no subject

raien — 2005-10-09T07:10:10-05:00

Ren today. Not busy at all; I left early.
I'm going to do some homework...
<3 Whit
broken

C'est moi

raien — 2005-10-11T10:10:58-05:00

I took some pics today...because I felt like it.
(I hate my profile.)
<3 The girl in the pictures.

no subject

raien — 2005-10-15T12:10:59-05:00

So if I don't get into Columbia I might go to Goucher....I can go there for free and it's a good school. But...it's in Baltimore...and I really don't want to stay here...oh well... It would be easier on my parents. But I really want to go to Columbia :(
DC was fun yesterday. We took some pictures, I might post some of them if they're any good.
I have so much homework this weekend. I really don't know how I'm going to get it all done.
And I guess I'm not going to Homecoming... Oh well. Now I kind of wish I had bought a ticket. It's my senior year and all.
Well whatever. Too late now.
I'm going to go do some homework.
-Whitney

The Capital in October

raien — 2005-10-15T01:10:31-05:00

Yesterday, Emily, Rachel, and I went to a creative writing workshop in DC with Lorna Dee Cervantes as the speaker. It was really interesting and we got free books. ;) Then we went to Chinatown and had some awesome food. (It was the first time we've actually had Chinese food in Chinatown- we always go to Fuddruckers for brownie sundaes.) After food (which was much needed) and shopping in Urban Outfitters (also much needed), we went to the mall. (For those of you who don't live in DC, which is probably most of you, the mall is a wide expanse of grass- it is not a shopping center. Just so you know.) We took some pictures then headed back to the metro. Of course, we ended up waiting for 40 minutes for a shuttle bus...but that's ok. I got two cappuchinos for a grand total of $1.40 in the meantime. Yay!
Because smoking kills.
Chinatown.
Going up?
The classic subway pose. We had to.
Well, my arms weren't quite long enough to get everyone in the frame...
Looking down 12th street.
Sometimes not everything is black and white.
Well....we suddenly realized that the camera was zoomed in. Oops. Lost Rachel. And half of Em.
I seeeee youuuu!
Guess what they were looking at?
There's our day in a nut shell. We had an awesome time.
<3 <3 <3 Whitney

no subject

raien — 2005-10-17T09:10:59-05:00

Well, I missed Homecoming. I'm a little sad. It is my senior year and all. But I'm not very sad. I'll go to prom. And maybe I'll go to Homecoming next year with a Senior when I'm a Freshman in college...ha ha NOT.

<3 <3 <3
Calculus is my bitch.

no subject

raien — 2005-10-19T03:10:08-05:00

I:
[x] am tall
[ ] am in between
[ ] am short
[ ] am a blonde
[ ] am redheaded
[x] am a brunette
[ ] have black hair

[ ] have blue eyes
[ ] have brown eyes
[x] have green eyes
[ ] have hazel eyes
[ ] have grey eyes
[ ] and wear glasses
[ ] and wear contacts

[x] have braces
[x] have freckles
[x] have piercings
[ ] have a tattoo

[ ] have long hair
[x] have short hair
[ ] have mid-length hair

My nationality includes:
[ ] chinese
[ ] indian
[ ] taiwanese
[ ] japanese
[ ] hispanic
[ ] nicoya
[ ] puerto rican
[ ] chicana
[ ] italian
[ ] scottish
[ ] filipino
[ ] dutch
[x] french
[ ] german
[ ] irish
[ ] greek
[ ] portuguese
[ ] polish
[ ] korean
[ ] jamaican
[ ] canadian
[ ] lithuanian
[ ] native american
[ ] russian
[x] british
[ ] danish
[ ] african
[ ] scandanavian
[ ] armenian
[ ] finnish
[ ] other

My favorite color(s) is(are):
[x] red
[x] pink
[ ] yellow
[x] black
[x]green
[x] blue
[ ] white
[x] silver
[ ] purple
[ ] brown
[x] orange

Some things I've done/played include:
[x] soccer
[ ] cheerleading
[ ] dancing
[x] lacrosse
[ ] field hockey
[ ] hockey
[ ] football
[x] softball
[ ] wrestling
[x] gymnastics
[x] track/cross country
[x] basketball
[ ] baseball
[x] golf
[x] playing in the mud
[x] playing music
[x] hiking
[x] kayaking
[x] camping
[x] horseback riding
[ ] marching band

I am sometimes:
[x] annoying
[x] talkative
[x] shy
[x] funny
[x] serious
[x] bubbly
[x] spazzy
[x] fun-loving
[x] laid back
[x] strict
[x] hyper
[x] weird

I like _____ music:
[x] rap
[x] rock
[x] pop
[x] country
[x] hip hop
[x] r&b
[x] slow jams
[ ] Christian
[x] classical
[x] techno
[x] oldies
[x] the 80s
[x] punk
[x] Metal
[x] reggae
[x] Goth
[x] Latin
[x] 90's Grunge
[x] musicals

The pet(s) I have is (are) a:
[x] cat
[x] dog
[ ] lizard
[ ] rat
[ ] ferret
[x] rabbit
[x] fish
[ ] bird
[ ] other

Clothes I like to wear are:
[x] plain t shirts
[ ] sweatshirts
[x] stockings
[x] high heels
[x] boots
[x] sneakers
[x] jeans
[ ] pj pants
[ ] boxers
[x] underwear
[x] dresses
[x] mini skirts
[ ] long skirts
[ ] knee skirts
[x] watches
[x] necklace
[x] hoop earrings
[x] toe socks
[x] flip flops
[x] halter tops
[x] stilletos
[ ] shorts
[x] sleeveless shirts

I like to wear my hair (in a):
[x] down
[x] ponytail
[ ] pigtails
[ ] messy bun
[x] half ponytail
[x] scrunched/curly
[ ] bun
[ ] crimped
[ ] with a bandana
[ ] French braids
[ ] lots of little braids
[ ] Gel
[x] hat
[x] messy hot guy hair
[x] sex hair
[ ] fauxhawk
[x] in a clip

I'm mostly labeled as:
[ ] goth
[ ] emo
[ ] prep
[ ] punk
[ ] hippie
[ ] nerd
[ ] ditzy
[ ] hyper
[ ] happy
[ ] everything
[x] I hate labels! I'm just me!!!
[x] I have no idea

I eat:
[ ] dessert every night
[ ] no meat
[x] diet stuff
[x] healthy foods
[x] junk foods
[x] a lot of carbs
[ ] lots of meat
[x] salad
[x] seafood
[ ] Mountain Dew

A typical friday night:
[ ] mall with your friends
[ ] partying
[x] watching movies
[ ] going to the club
[x] staying home
[ ] babysitting
[x] hanging out w/ my friends
[ ] hanging out w/ your boyfriend/girlfriend
[x] working while your friends are out having fun
[x] i dont plan out my weekends

Currently I am:
[ ] in a relationship
[x] single and loving it
[ ] crushing
[ ] single and looking for someone

Online, I use:
[x] lol
[ ] sup
[ ] =D
[x] lmao
[ ] stfu
[ ] ty
[x] jk
[x] ttyl
[x] g2g
[ ] ^^
[ ] T_T
[ ] x_x
[ ] ^_^
[ ] o.o
[x] <3
[ ] "LOLZOHEMGEE"
[ ] knai

I have :
[x] been kissed
[x] lied to my best friend
[x] dyed my hair
[x] dressed punk
[x] kissed a girl on the cheek
[x] lied to my parents
[x] cried in front of lots of people
[x] went bare foot in the snow
[ ] played hockey
[x] made my own clothes

In the last 24 hours, I:
[ ] got in a fight
[x] took a shower
[ ] gave a dirty look to someone
[ ] cried
[x] went to school
[ ] shopped
[ ] danced
[ ] got sick
[ ] did something I regret
[ ] ate something gross
[ ] discovered something new

At school I:
[x] run to class because I'm always late
[ ] hide in the bathroom
[x] act smart
[ ] am hyper
[ ] am a nerd
[ ] am in band
[ ] am very popular

Right now I am:
[ ] in my pjs
[x] drinking
[ ] listening to music
[ ] watching tv
[ ] watching a movie
[ ] IMing someone
[ ] talking on the phone
[ ] eating
[x] finishing this survey

If only there were more hours in the day!

raien — 2005-10-21T03:10:09-05:00

So far, today has really really sucked.
So, I woke up late, when I wanted to get up early and do homework. I haven't gotten anything done today. Which means I'm going to be behind in homework for yet another week. That means no sleep, shitty grades. extra stress.
My car failed its emissions test this morning. So I'm going to have to pay to fix it, and it could cost up to $500. That's a lot of money when you make $8 an hour and have to pay $45k a year for college.
Speaking of college, I really don't think I'm going to get into Columbia. I've been thinking about it, and reviewing my statistics, and I just really don't think it's going to happen. It's really depressing, because it's all I want. Columbia is my perfect school. So if I don't get in...well I'll have to deal with that when the time comes.
And the man who was supposed to e-mail me about a scholarship hasn't contacted me. And it's a really nice scholarship...agggg I hope I can get in touch with him. I know that if I get into Columbia (please please please), I'll find a way to pay for it. But there's so much free money out there, and I just need to get my hands on some of it.
::sigh:: I have so much to do this weekend:
Career internship: Write a resume ( I have one of course, but I'm going to have to format/edit it.)
AP English: Read up to chapter 10 of Frankenstein (I haven't even started it!)
AP Human Geography: (loooong) Exercise for population graphing
AP Government: Notes + IDs for chapters 5 and 6
AP Calculus: Bookwork (like 25 problems)
AP French Language: an exercise in the book and a "projet creatif"- we have to create and invention and an advertisement for it...it's ridiculous
AP Psychology: Outline + IDs for Module 14, and study for the Unit 4 test
Plus... I'm working tonight from 4:00-9:00, tomorrow from 4:00-9:00 and Sunday from 9:00am-8:00pm. So that's...21 hours of work in one weekend...plus A LOT of homework. The weekend (Fri, Sat, Sun) is only 72 hours long. So...like 21 hours of work...and it looks like about 15-20 hours of homework. And I have to walk my dog, fill out some scholarship forms, and write essays for my back-up schools. (Approx. 8 hours) So, if I don't spend anytime doing anything other than work, scholarships, dog-walking, essays, or homework, that leaves 23 hours to sleep. Or do the "other things" I need to/would like to catch up on. For example, doing laundry or finish reading the book for my writer's workshop.
At this you are going to roll your eyes, but I need to go shopping. I don't have any winter clothes. And don't say, "Whitney, you shop all the time," because I haven't shopped since school started. So there. And I'm always cold because I don't have anything warm to wear. :(
Oh, woe is me. Sorry, I needed a rant. Ha ha I just wasted half an hour of homework time ranting! Ha ha ha I suck.
-Whitney

no subject

raien — 2005-10-22T11:10:15-05:00

Ok. So check out my last journal entry. You see that list of homework? I finished my human geography homework. I finished my career internship homework. That's it; that's all I've done. And I'm working all day tomorrow.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
I'm fucked.
-Whit
Procrastination is like masturbation; it's cool at first, but in the end you're just screwing yourself.

I'm procrastinating again!!

raien — 2005-10-22T11:10:16-05:00

Put an 'x' next to the ones that you have accomplished:

Have you ever...
[x] been drunk.
[x] smoked pot.
[x] kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[x] rode in a taxi.
[x] been dumped.
[ ] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[ ] been in a fist fight.

[x] had sex more than once in the same day
[ ] had a threesome
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[ ] been arrested.
[ ] made out with a stranger.
[x] stole something from your job. (lol, I take teabags out of the banquet...but it's not really stealing lol)
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[x] had a crush on a teacher
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[x] been to europe.
[x]skipped school.
[ ] thrown up from drinking.
[x] lost your sibling. (Omg I lost my 13 year old brother and his friend in NYC...good grief)
[x] played 'Clue'.
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[x] dropped x.
[x] been cheated on.
[x] had a sweet sixteen. I never got a party, though :(
[x] had a car.
[x] drove.

Do you. .
[ ] have a bf.
[ ] have a gf.
[ ] have a crush.
[x] feel loved.
[ ] feel lonely.
[X] feel happy.
[ ] hate yourself.
[ ] think youre attractive.
[x] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[x] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[x] listen to soul.
[x] listen to techno.
[x] listen to reggae.
[x] paint your nails.
[x] have more than 1 best friend.
[x] get good grades.
[ ] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[x] wear boxers.
[x] wear eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[x] like the color yellow.
[ ] cyber.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[] have long hair.
[x] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[x] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.

Are you. .
[ ] ugly.
[ ] pretty.
[x] okay.
[x] bored.
[x] happy.
[x] bilingual.
[x] white.
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican.
[ ] asian.
[ ] short.
[x] tall.
[ ] grounded.
[x] sick.
[ ] a virgin.
[ ] lazy.
[x] single.
[ ] taken.
[ ] looking.
[x] not looking.
[x] talking to someone.
[x] IMing someone.
[x] scared to die.
[x] tired.
[ ] annoyed.
[ ] hungry.
[x] thirsty.
[ ] on the phone.
[ ] in your room.
[x] drinking something.
[ ] eating something.
[x] in your pjs.
[x] ticklish.
[ ] listening to music.
[ ] homophobic.
[ ] racist.

* . . . W O U L D Y O U R A T H E R . . .*
1) pierce your nose or tongue? Nose. I'm getting my lip pierced!
2) be serious or be funny? Hmm...dunno. Both are good at different times.
3) drink whole or skim milk? Omg I love whole milk, isn't that sick? But I never drink it. My parents drink skim, but I just use it in my cereal.

* . . . A R E Y O U . . .*
4) simple or complicated? Complicated, I guess.

* . . . D O Y O U P R E F E R . . . *
5) flowers or candy? I don't like roses, but I like other flowers. Both are overrated. I like diamonds, though! ;)
6) grey or gray? Gray.
7) color or black-and-white photos? Both
8) lust or love? Hmmm, both!
9) sunrise or sunset? Sunset. I am not one for early mornings.
10) M&Ms or Skittles? M&Ms.
11) rap or rock? Rock, but I like some rap, as long as its not ricockulous.
12) staying up late or waking up early? Waking up early-ish. Like 9:00 lol. But I don't like to stay up late.
13) TV or radio? Radio. I never watch TV.
15) eating apples or oranges? Both. I loooooove fruit!

* . . . A N S W E R T R U T H F U L L Y . . . *
16) Do you have a crush?: No.
17) Who is it?

* . . . D O Y O U P R E F E R . . . *
18) being hot or cold? Cold.
19) tall members of the opposite sex? Yes, definately.
20) sun or moon? Sun.
21) diamonds or rubies? Diamonds all the way baby. But I do have a gorgeous ruby ring.
22) left or right? Right.
23) having 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? Hmm I don't know. 1 best friend I guess.
24) sun or rain? Sun. I don't mind the rain, except when its cold.
25) vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Mint chocolate chip! Or coffee. Or moose tracks. God I looove ice cream.
27) green beans or carrots? Both
26) boys or girls? he he he boys
28) low fat or fat free? Low cal...

* . . . M I S C E L L A N E O U S . . . *
29) What is your biggest fear in the world? Oooooo dear. Not getting what I want in life. Failing.
30) Kids or no kids? No kids.
31) Cat or dog? I have both. My cat is kind of miserable, though. My dog is amazing. He makes my heart smile.
32) Half empty or half full? Half full.
33) Mustard or ketchup? Mustard. Omg I looove mustard. I eat mustard sandwiches, and carrots dipped (slathered) in mustard. Ha ha that's gross, isn't it?
34) Hard cover books or soft cover books? Soft cover. I like to read when I'm laying in bed, and hard cover books hurt my sternum when I rest them on my chest.
35) Newspaper or magazine? Both.
36) Sandals or sneakers? Heels!
37) Wonder or amazement? Wonder.
38) Red car or white car? Red, all the way baby. Clifford the big red SUV, woot!
39) Happy and poor or sad and rich? Don't even ask me that. You don't want to know.
40) Singing or dancing? Both. They go together.
41) Hugging or kissing? Both are nice. Boys give way better hugs than girls. I like strong hugs. And string handshakes. Girls are always limp, its dumb.
42) Corduroy or plain? Hmmmm both.
43) Happy or sad? Happy.
45) Blondes, brunettes? Well....brunettes have more fun! I'm all for dark features.

* . . . A B O U T Y O U . . . *
What time is it? 11:35PM.
Full name? Whitney Carol M Hoot
Nicknames: Wit, Whit, Hoot, Hooters, Wit Wit (that one's special lol...)
Names and ages of siblings? James, 13
Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake? 17
Date that you regularly blow them out? July 1
Pets? Total:5
Dog, Cat, two rabbits, fish.
Eye color? Green
Hair color? Dark Brown
Piercing(s)? 7

* . . . W H A T D O Y O U W A N T . . .*
Where do you want to live? New York City, baby, Park Avenue Penthouse
How many kids do you want? Zerooooo
What kind of job do you want? Lawyer/politician
Do you want to get married? Yes, eventually.

We hope you had the time of your life...

raien — 2005-10-23T09:10:45-05:00

So....today was the last day of my fourth year working at the Maryland Renaissance Festival. The last day of my last year. I'm glad I finished out the season, even if it did almost kill me. I have so many friends there.
Whitney L, Corey, and Miss Paula. Whitney and Corey are twins; Corey used to be the manger, now Whitney is the big-man(woman)-in-the-booth. Miss Paula is their mommy.
Margot and Lindsey on an ele-ma-phunt.
Stacy, everyone's favorite rose bearer! (Note: It's a wig.)
Corey and I. So we should show this pic to his wife. ;) Good times at the Monster Booth, baby.
Jen, me, Claire, and Bryn. Behind the Monster Booth. Busy being idiots.
Yeah...it's me. I won't deny it.
Daniel and I. He is such a sexface. Can you believe he's only 14?? That would totally be statuatory rape....woah now.
Me and a couple of really sweet looking jesters who just happened to walk by.
Casey and I. How come, in almost every pic, I'm either sticking my tongue out or making a kissy face? Hmm, we'll leave that one to Freud...
The Monster Booth Gang. We are so awesome. Me, Lindsey, Casey, and Margot. Hottness. (Except that is a terrible pic of me. I look really pale and my nose was red because I was freeeezing.)
So...it's over. I'm definately going to miss it. We all had some really sweet times. But it's time to move on, right? Time for bigger and better things (mainly Columbia and more than $6 an hour). It was great while it lasted. And I'll never ever forget it!
<3 <3 <3
Whitney

Surveyyyy (Because I have nothing better to do.)

raien — 2005-10-30T06:10:41-05:00

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?
-Ugh. I don't even want to speak of such things.

2. How much cash do you have on you?
-Like $4. $400 in checks, but not much cash at all. I need to go to the bank.

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?
-Incest. lol.

4. Favorite plant?
-Trees are nice. I like trees.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
-I'm not telling ;)

6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?
-Just a plain boring ring. Nothing exciting. I'm getting a new, fancy phone this month though! Yay!

7. What shirt are you wearing?
-Sweatshirt.

8. Do you "label" yourself?
-No.

9. Name brand of your shoes currently wearing?
-No shoes. But my favorite pair are my Diesel tennis shoes.

10. Bright or Dark Room?
-Bright. I hate poor lighting.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
-Hmm he lives in California. He's a cool kid.

12. Ever "spilled the beans"?
-Hmm? Like told a secret?

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
-Driving. Illegally. After curfew. Oops.

14. What did your last text message you recieved on your cell phone say?
-Hi.

15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners?
-No

16.What's a saying that you say a lot?
-That's ridic.

17. Who told you they loved you last?
-Ummm...Jen lol.

18. Last furry thing you touched?
-My dog.

19. How many hours a week do you work?
-I work 16-20 hours, and I'm in school for 30+.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
-None. I go digital all the way.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
-Umm...I don't know. Probably 9. That was fun. I was a cute kid.

22. Your worst enemy?
-Failure.

23. What is your current desk top picture?
-New York city skyline.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
-I asked my dad why he was putting butter on the steak...

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to erase all of your regrets, what would you choose?
-Million dollars.

100 Things

raien — 2005-10-31T09:10:23-05:00

100 THINGS.... repost this with your answers:

1* First grade teacher's name: Ms Miers

2* Last word you said: audacious.

3* Last song you sang: Landslide (the Dixie Chick version)

4* Last person you hugged: Jen

5* Last thing you laughed at: Myself, when I fell down the steps today at Arlington Echo. It was brilliant.

6* Last time you said I dont remember: Uh....I don't remember?

7* Last time you cried: Probably not that long ago. I cry all the time. It's ridic.

9* What color socks are you wearing: Navy blue and green argyle. Sweet.

10* What's under your bed: Magazines.

11* What time did you wake up today: 6:30...I was late to school.

12* Current taste: Diet Coke.

13* Current hair: Very dark brown. Shortish. Clean. Shiny.

14* Current Annoyance: My Calculus homework.

15* Current Crush: None.

16* Current longing: Columbia University ^^

17* Current desktop background: New York city skyline.

18* Current worry: ...Calculus homework...

19* Current hate: Not-knowing about college.

20* Current favorite article of clothing: My bright pink Ralph Lauren cable-knit turtleneck.

21* Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex: White teeth. And tummy. ;)

22* Last CD that you listened to: Kelly Clarkson...lol

23* Favorite place to be: New York, New York.

24* Least favorite place: My study. I hate it.

25* Time you wake up in the morning: Varies.

26* If you could play an instrument, what would you play?: I wish I could sing really well. Or play piano.

27* Favorite colors: All of them! I like pink and brown.

28* Do you believe in an afterlife: Hmmmm I don't know.

29* How tall are you: 5'8.

30* Current favorite word/saying: That's ridic.

31* Favorite book: Hmmm...I like lots of books...

32* Favorite season: Autumn.

33* One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: My grandmother :(.

35* Where do you want to go for college?: Columbia Columbia Columbia ohh pleaseeee Columbia; I would sell my sould for Columbia!

36* What is your career going to be like: I'm either going to be a politician or an investment banker.

37* How many kids do you want: Zero.

*HAVE YOU EVER...*

39* Said "I love you" and meant it: I'll say yes.

40* Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc.: No...but I was really mad at my dog yesterday because she ate my entire pack of gum.

41. Been to New York: Yes yes yes yes.

42* Been to Florida: Yes.

43* Been to California: Nope. I think I might go there next summer.

44* Been to Hawaii : Nope.

45* Been to Mexico: Nope.

46* Been to China: Nope. But I'm going to Thailand!

48* Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: Umm...I don't think so...

52* Had a crush on someone: Yes.

53* What book are you reading now?: A Farewell to Arms and Frankenstein.

54* Worst feeling in the world: Failure.

55* What is the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning?: ...Need...more...sleep...

56* How many rings before you answer: Depends on what the caller ID says ;) .

57* Future daughter's name: N/A

59* Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Yes ;)

60* If you could have any job you wanted: President of the US

61* Wish you were here: New York, NY.

62* College plans: Columbia Columbia Columbia! Hmm..I feel like I'm repeting myself.

63* Piercings: Seven.

64* Do you do drugs: Yes. Shut up.

65* Are you gay? No.

67* What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use: Pantene ProV.

68* What are you most scared of: Failure.

69* What clothes do you sleep in: PJ pants and a Tee shirt.

70* Who is the last person that called you: Casey

71* Where do you want to get married: After college I guess.

72* If you could change anything about yourself what would that be: I would like to be skinny. And have a straighter nose. Just being honest...

73* Who do you really hate: No one.

74* Been In Love: Sure.

75* Are you timely or always late: Always late lol.

76* Do you have a job: Ginger Cove Assisted Living Center, Waitress. GC-Unit, Holla back!

77* Do you like being around people: Yes.

78* Best feeling in the world: Knowing you earned everything you have.

79* Are you for world peace: Yes. But do I think its possible? Not really.

80* Are you a health freak: Ha ha ha ha ha. I refuse to discuss that.

81* What's your favorite food? Spicy ethnic food. I love Indian food and Chinese food. Mexican is yummy too.

82* Do you want someone you can't have?: No.

83* Are you lonely right now: Nope. I am very content.

84* Ever afraid you'll never get married: No. Even if I didn't, it wouldnt bother me.

85* Do you want to get married: I think so.

86* Do you want kids?: No. I know I'm repeting myself!

*IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...*

87* Cried: No.

88* Bought Something: A mint chocolate chip sundae with hot fudge at Friendly's after the improv show. It was delish.

89* Gotten Sick: Not really. But my stomach kind of hurts.

90* Sang: Yes.

91* Said I Love You: No.

92* Wanted To Tell Someone You Like them: No.

93* Met Someone: Yes....but not like "met someone".

94* Moved On: Uhhhh...no?

95* Talked To Someone: Yes.

96* Had A Serious Talk: No

97* Missed Someone: No.

98* Hugged Someone: Yes.

99* Had intimate relations with someone: No.

100* Yelled at Someone: Yes :( My mom. I feel bad about it.

Pray pray pray.

raien — 2005-11-02T09:11:25-05:00

Dear Minday users:
I need to ask a favor of everyone who reads this journal.
It's just a small favor, but would be greatly appreciated.
Do a Columbia dance for me.
Pray to whatever gods/dieties you believe in.
Please.
I'm asking in complete earnest.
I love you all very much.
Thank you and good night.
:::Whitney:::
Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia Columbia!!! Please please please just let me get accepted to this school!

no subject

raien — 2005-11-02T09:11:39-05:00

So...thanks to some fantastic rumors, everyone now thinks I'm a cokehead. Brilliant.
Absolutely brilliant.

no subject

raien — 2005-11-03T10:11:33-05:00

42 days left.
42!
<3 Whit

I am procrastinating

raien — 2005-11-07T07:11:55-05:00

Appropriate response according to you. Then repost!

You are:
[ ] really short, under 5'2!
[ ] 5'2 -5'6"
[ ] 5'6.5"
[x] 5'7" - 6'0
[ ] tall- 6'1", Taller than the average bear.

NATURALLY
[ ] blonde
[ ] redhead
[ ] brunette
[ ] dirty blonde/brownish
[ ] dark brown
[ ] black

[ ] blue-eyed
[ ] brown-eyed
[x] green-eyed
[ ] hazel eyed
[ ] blue/green-eyed
[ ] yellow-eyed

[ ] glasses
[ ] contacts

[x] short hair
[ ] med.
[ ] long hair

Your favorite color(s) are?
[ ] red
[x] pink
[x] hot pink
[ ] yellow
[ ] black
[x] green
[x]blue
[x] silver
[x] purple
[x] orange
[ ] maroon
[x] turquoise
[x]white

Some sports/physical things you have done in your life? (outside of PE!)
[x] soccer
[ ] cheerleading
[x] dancing
[x] lacrosse
[ ] field hockey
[ ] hockey
[x] softball
[x] ice skating
[ ] wrestling
[x] gymnastics
[x] track/cross country
[x] basketball
[ ] baseball
[x] golf
[x] hiking
[x] kayaking
[x] camping
[x] horseback riding
[ ] tennis
[ ] raquetball
[ ] volleyball
[x] martial arts
[ ] rugby
[ ] ultimate frisbee
[ ] surfing and skim boarding
[x] swimming
[ ] bmx
[x] snowboarding
[x] skiing
[ ] wakeboarding
[ ] skateboarding
[x] rollerblading
[ ] football
[ ] beer pong

Your personality is sometimes...
[x] talkative
[x] shy
[x] funny
[x] serious
[x] laid back
[x] strict
[x] hyper
[x] weird
[x] ditzy
[x] sarcastic

The music you like is?
[x] classic rock
[x] rap
[x] gangsta rap
[x] hip hop
[x] alternative
[x] rock
[x] pop
[x] country
[x] r&b
[x] slow jams
[ ] christian
[x] classical
[x] techno
[x] oldies
[x] punk
[x] reggae
[x] emo
[ ] screamo
[ ] latin
[x] 80's rock
[x] metal
[ ] prog
[ ] reggaeton
[ ] dancehall
[x] 60's-70's
[x] disco
[x] ska
[ ] industrial

The pets you have had?
[x] cat
[x] dog
[x] lizard
[ ] rat
[ ] ferret
[x] bunny
[x] fish
[ ] ducks
[ ] chickens
[ ] rooster
[x] horse
[ ] bird
[x] frog
[x] hermit crab
[ ] prarie dog
[ ] none
[ ] turtle
[ ] hamster
[x] mouse

Clothes you like to wear are?
[x] tshirts
[x] sweatshirts
[x] sneakers
[x] jeans
[x] flip-flops
[ ] ball caps
[x]High heels
[x] skirts
[x] other pants

Clothing Brands you like?
[ ] It doesnt much matter to me!
[ ] Delia*s
[x] American Eagle
[x] Hollister
[ ] The Buckle
[x] Abercrombie & Fitch
[ ] Target
[ ] Wal-mart
[x] Wet Seal
[x] Billabong
[ ] O'neil
[ ] Aeropostale
[ ] Dickies
[ ] Quicksilver/ Roxy
[ ] Anchor Blue
[x] Guess
[x] Lucky
[ ] Champs
[ ] Nike
[ ] adidas
[ ] reebok
[ ]Salvation army/goodwill
[ ] some/none no name brands
[x] old navy
[ ] only name brand
[ ] HOT TOPIC
[ ] Flirt.com
[ ] Down Clothing
[X] Other

Shoe Brands?
[x] Nike
[x] Adidas
[ ]new balance
[ ] reebok
[x] K Swiss
[ ] Steve Madden
[ ] Vans
[x]Converse
[ ] Saucony
[ ] Cathy Jean
[x] if i like something ill buy it no matter what brand
[ ] Puma
[ ] Sketchers
[ ] DVS
[ ] DC
[ ] FUBU
[ ] Etnies
[ ] Adios
[ ]Osiris
....Jimmy Choo? Versace?

States I have been to.
[ ] Alabama
[x] Alaska
[ ] Arizona
[ ] Arkansas
[ ] California
[ ] Colorado
[x] Connecticut
[x] Delaware
[x] Florida
[x] Georgia
[ ] Hawaii
[x] Idaho
[ ] Illinois
[ ] Indiana
[ ] Iowa
[ ] Kansas
[ ] Kentucky
[ ] Louisianna
[x] Maine
[x] Maryland
[x] Massachusetts
[x] Michigan
[ ] Minnesota
[ ] Mississippi
[ ] Missouri
[x] Montana
[ ] Nebraska
[ ] Nevada
[x] New Hampshire
[x] New Jersey
[ ] New Mexico
[x] New York
[x] North Carolina
[ ] North Dakota
[x] Ohio
[x] Oklahoma
[ ] Oregon
[x] Pennsylvania
[ ] Rhode Island
[x] South Carolina
[ ] South Dakota
[ ] Tennessee
[x] Texas
[x] Utah
[x] Vermont
[x] Virginia
[ ] Washington
[x] West Virginia
[ ] Wisconsin
[x] Wyoming

There are those people who you always want to keep in touch with.

raien — 2005-11-13T09:11:15-05:00

100 Things I Like (In no specific order)
Cappuchino ice cream
Winning elections
Sparkling black cherry citrus Fresca (its the best)
Concerts
People watching
Myspace
Museums
Tall boys
Straight teeth
Cigarattes
My hair
Boys in bands
Bailey's Irish Cream
The number seven
Christmas
Coconut shrimp
Necklaces
Shopping
Water
Coffee
Going to the movies
Clothes
Europe
New York, NY
Straight As
Acceptance letters
Thin-days (as opposed to fat-days)
Books
Warm autumn days
Parties
Mean Girls (the movie)
Dancing
Singing
Local bands
Strong hugs
British comedy
Going to the theatre
My car
Maryland
Acting
Making people smile
Earlobes
Painted toe-nails
High heels
The prospect of the future
Scary movies
Kissing
My friends
A sense of accomplishment
Hair combs
Ethnic food
Ice
Music
Black ballpoint pens
The Hotel Beacon
Broadway
Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi
Italian men
English accents
Great thrift store finds
My grandfather
Burned CDs
Unexpected presents
Asparagus
The movie Mulan
Earrings
Being in charge
Getting compliments
Purses
Walking
My dog
My cat
My house
Washington, DC
Seeing old friends
Men in uniform
The color red
Abercrombie and Fitch
My Guess jeans...they are my best investment
Getting As on tests
Volunteering
Slumber parties
Gum (Orbit!)
Sweaters (nice ones)
Belts
Maintaining a sense of organization
My parents' loosening of the rules
Travelling
The thought of college
Scholarships
Kit Kat bars
AIM
Getting e-mail
The beach
Vodka....straight
Gone With the Wind
Stripes
Running
Horses
Mindsay blogging ;)
Well that was a good time waster. Now you know more about moi. :)
<3 <3 <3
Whitney

no subject

raien — 2005-11-14T06:11:44-05:00

I changed my mind again.
I am indecisive.
I am also supposed to be at a concert right now. But I am not. This is rather disappointing. Oh well.
<3 Whit
(Who is all alone at home)

no subject

raien — 2005-11-15T10:11:02-05:00

Well I tried out for Pygmalion.
Wish me luck! (I find out on Friday!)
And I find out one other very very very important thing in just....30 DAYS!!!!!!!!! OMG!!! (AHHH!)
<3 <3 <3 <3
Whitney

SAT SCORES

raien — 2005-11-21T10:11:42-05:00

New SAT scores:
740 Critical Reading
680 Math
750 Writing (10 on the essay)
So, if you only count the old sections, it's a 1420
With all three sections its a 2170 out of 2400.
So its not too bad. I'll survive.

The Secret Courtesan

raien — 2005-11-22T11:11:24-05:00

Act 1, Scene 1
Scene opens in a bank. An attractive young woman sits behind a desk. There is an empty chair in front of her desk, and she shuffles absently through the papers in front of her, frequently scribbling notes with a pen. A tall, dark man wearing a black tophat and a double-breasted wool coat strolls into the bank and waits in line behind a red velvet rope hanging between two short posts.
Woman behind the desk: Sir, can I help you?
The man approaches the desk, removes his tophat, and stands with it in his hands.
Man: I'd like to discuss interest rates for a rather large loan.
Woman: Please sit, Mr.....
Man: Williams. Richard Williams. He sits.
Woman: Well, Mr. Williams, I hope I can be of assistance. My name is Angelique Roberre. She smiles, reavling a set of perfect white teeth between her pink lips, and reaches across the table to shake his hand. He ignores her outstretched arm.
Williams: Staring intently at her. Roberre? You don't look French.
Roberre: My mother was French. Blushes and looks away, anxious to change the subject. Mr. Williams, I'd like to discuss your loan. Exactly how much money are you looking to obtain?
Williams: Four thousand pounds.
Roberre: That is a considerable sum of money, Mr. Williams. She looks up from the form she is writing on. For what purpose do you need this loan?
Williams: Leaning back in the leather chair. I'm interested in starting my own business and I require a few pounds to commence the construction.
Roberre: Not looking up from the paperwork. What type of business?
Williams: I'd rather not say.
Roberre: Looking up from her writing, adjusting the glasses on her nose. Mr. Williams, I must record all details of any financing- it is bank policy.
Williams: Whatever for? I simply need a loan, and it is your job to give me one. It is not your business as to what I do with that loan; it is only your business that I pay that loan back in a timely manner. And I assure you, Ms. Roberre, I do not let debts go unpaid. I also assure you that this money will not be contributed to any unreputable source- I'm not forming a brothel or anything of the sort!
Roberre: Blushing bright red, speaks with shock and indignation. Mr. Williams! I would be greatly appreciative if you would not use such language in this office.
Williams: Sarcastically. Oh, well I am sorry to offend. I had no idea that your ears were so sensitive to my language. I shall adjust the discourse appropriately. Though I must say, your looks are quite improved when a little color graces your cheeks.
Roberre: This is completely unprofessional, sir! You came here to discuss a loan, and that is all I am willing to discuss! If you continue to speak in such an inappropriate manner, I will not hesitate to report you to my bank manager.
Williams: Is that because you are a woman, and are incapable of handling any complication without aid from a man? Or because you prefer coddling and praise to any sort of contradiction?
Roberre: Furious by this point. This conversation is over. I am asking you to leave. You will have to request a loan from another bank.
Williams: Oh, Ms. Roberre, must you be so serious? I am quite sure I could find no bank teller more capable of processing my loan than yourself. Please, humor a foolish man. He leans forward, his nose only inches from her face. I am interested in establishing a property and investment consulting firm in the London area.
Roberre: I am no longer interested in appeasing your requests. Please leave and seek a loan at another bank.
Williams: A grin on his face. Oh dear, I can see that I've upset you. Can you please forgive me? I did not mean to upset you. I only wished to see a spark behind your tired eyes. He chuckles. And my, did I see a spark. Forgive me, Ms. Roberre? I will not tease you again. A man will only place his head between the alligator's jaws once!
Roberre: Sourly. I will see to your loan, but only because it is my responsibility as an employee of this bank. Any more rude suggestions and I will cease this transaction immediately!
Williams: He laughs. Why, you are quite a doll. Seeing her stern face he clears his throat and continues in a serious voice. What other information do you need from me?
Roberre: I will need the address of your current place of residence and your full name and title.
Williams: Richard Samuel Williams, the third, originally from Blackpool. Currently residing at 29 Angles Street.
Roberre: She repeats as she writes. Richard Samuel Williams, the third, originally from Blackpool. Currently residing at 29 Angles-
Williams: Angels.
Roberre: Looking up, raising an eyebrow. You sir, are certainly no angel.
Williams: He smiles and laughs gleefully. So you do have a sense of humor after all! And Ms. Roberre...or is it Mrs.?
Roberre: That is certainly none of your business.
Williams: Of course it is! If we are to be involved in any sort of business exchange, I must know how to address you properly.
Roberre: Pursing her lips. It is "Ms.", if you must know.
Williams: Leaning forward. And what, Ms. Roberre, is such a pretty young unmarried woman doing working in a bank? I should think you would be out exploring society. He sees her shocked look. With a chaperone, of course!
Roberre: Ignores him. I can offer you four thousand pounds over a twelve month period, with six percent compounded interest.
Williams: That would be lovely, Ms. Roberre. Thank you for your time. He stands to leave, replacing his hat on his head. Before I leave, Ms. Roberre, I do have one favor to ask of you.
Roberre: Yes?
Williams: Would you please attend a certain social function with me this Saturday evening? I would be most honored to have a lady of your stature on my arm.
Roberre: Open mouthed. You must be jesting. I know nothing about you, and based on your behavior, I would be embarrassed to accompany you anywhere.
Williams: Slyly. Ms. Roberre...do you make a commission on your sales?
Roberre: Aghast. Are you trying to blackmail me?
Williams: Grinning. Not blackmail, how could you suggest that? I am merely using a legitimate method of persuasion.
Roberre: Well frankly, Mr. Williams, I am not at all impressed by your "methods," but as you seem so desperate, I will accompany you to this social function.
Williams: Splendid! Aside. God has blessed me this day, for I have been blessed not only with a loan, but with a rather lovely date! To Ms. Roberre. May I pick you up at five o'clock? Will you be ready?
Roberre: I will be ready and dressed for the occassion. She hands him a card. Here is my calling card. Please arrive promptly; I am disinclined to wait for anyone.
Williams: Chuckling. That does not surprise me one bit. I shall see you on Saturday then. He tips his hat, then turns and leaves. Roberre watches him leave. After the door closes behind him, she returns to shuffling her papers. Lights fade to black.
End scene.

no subject

raien — 2005-11-25T02:11:28-05:00

Happy Black Friday!!!
Guess where I was this morning....guess!
Guess!
Ha ha ha!
I was at the mall!
Did you guess???
Ok...no seriously, I have a major problem. I have a shopping addiction. I am not kidding. It is a serious problem. But at least I have a good time... I need to marry well... :)
<3 <3 <3

My humps!

raien — 2005-11-26T02:11:56-05:00

Soooooo....I find out about Columbia in...gasp...under 3 weeks! Dun dun dun...
I still have a ton of homework to do.
And I have to work today.
When am I going to finish my Christmas shopping??? hmmmm....
We'll see about all this.
There's a rash on my face. It sucks.

Awwwwwwww

raien — 2005-11-27T08:11:13-05:00

Fuck.
It's so fucking easy to feel alone this time of year. Lonliness is just....rough.
And man oh man...the sexual frustration...if I see one more episode of Sex and the City, I'm going to end up raping my neighbor or something.
Though I guess he is kinda cute...
No! I will not think of that!
I am celibate.....c-e-l-i-b-a-t-e.
Well now that I've got that all sorted out, I'm going to go grind my teeth.
And eat cookie dough.
<3
Whitney

no subject

raien — 2005-11-28T08:11:03-05:00

I'm in AP Human Geography. I hate this class.
Oh well.
I procrastinated so much yesterday....I definitely didn't finish most of my work...oh well...
Hopefully Ms. Livingston will let me turn in my reading journal next class or I am royally fucked.

no subject

raien — 2005-11-28T10:11:33-05:00

Procrastinating again.
What I do best.
Whitney the Timeless One
What if you expect a great change in mind after a change in body and it never comes? What then?

no subject

raien — 2005-11-29T11:11:15-05:00

Well, Rachel doesn't have a full cast for Pygmalion yet...I hope it happens.
I really hope it does...

no subject

raien — 2005-11-30T04:11:49-05:00

This is just one of times when I really really need a cig.
Fuck.

no subject

raien — 2005-12-02T05:12:14-05:00

t_hi_si_sa _us_el_es_s f_ea_tu_re_un_le_ss_yo_u a_re_do_in_g m_at_h!_!!_!!

I should tell you, I should tell you...

raien — 2005-12-03T01:12:46-05:00

Had fun last night.

I saw Rent. It was really good. Really really sad.

Then Jen and I spent the night at Rachel's.

We talked about religion and liars and AIDS.

It was a good night.

<3

Whitney

My bed is so empty.

Borrrrrrrrrrrrr...

raien — 2005-12-04T10:12:31-05:00

I'm bored. (Not like a don't have a ton of homework or anything...) So I'm going to post some pictures...

Now that's an angle shot right there. My hair is very very shiny.

This was a fun night. We were not drunk. I swear. I swear! But, note the food on Jen's face. We told her it was there like six times. She never wiped it off. So we just stopped reminding her. ;)

Fishy kiss, anyone? Anyone??? No one??? Awwwww....oh well...

"Gay by birth. Fabulous by choice."

raien — 2005-12-06T03:12:43-05:00

World's shortest fairy tale
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy said,
"No." and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing,
drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook and farted
whenever she wanted.
The end.

It was a wild and crazy night

raien — 2005-12-11T12:12:31-05:00

Friday night was sooo much fun. We had an actual, honest-to-god, party! Ammmmmazing! There were like....I dunno....a lot of people there! I got completely shit-faced. I have never been so drunk in my entire life.

We went to see Christmas Carol in downtown Annapolis at 7:00. It was me, Rachel, Sean van Deuren, Jen, Zac, and Emily. Neither Rae nor I had dates but that worked out in the end. ;) But it was a great show. Sean couldn't go anywhere with us afterward, because his Mom won't let him drive with teenagers! Ridic! He's 16! Anyway, we went to Chevy's for dinner- but that was just me, Jen, Em, Zac, and Casey, who we met there. Rae went back to her house, because she was hanging out with Sean Dixon, who happens to be Jen's ex-boyfriend. This did cause a little bit of conflict, but I am happy to say that all of that has now been resolved.

Em and Zac had to go home, but Casey dropped Jen and I off at my house, I picked up some clothes (thank god- I was wearing my vintage Nicole Miller dress---it was a hot little number, might I add) and my car, then we went to Rae's. By the time we got there, Sean, Rae, Gary, and this guy Brandon- who is hot and was definitely flirting with me- were there. So there were like seven of us there by the time Casey arrived. And seven is the start of a pretty good party. I um, smoked a lot of cigarettes- and, get this, I snorted Adderol....that is too weird, right? Lol, good times though.

Then Lindsey Kane, Fro, Frank, James (I think? Maybe John?) and Paul arrived, making twelve. We had a gallon of really cheap vodka, which I had like 4 shots of, but Casey had a ton of stuff in his car- he just didn't want to get stuck supplying 12 people. So Jen and I went for a little drive with him lol. I drank soo much. Hypnotic, Parrot Bay, Tripple-distilled vodka, raspberry wine, Starbuck's liqueur, and probably a lot else. It was a lot of alcohol. And I drank it very quickly. I probably had 12 shots, plus 4 or 5 more when I got back to Rae's house. (let me add a little bit of explanation- on Thursday I found out I did not get into Columbia. I got deferred. So I was a little- try a lot- depressed. Maybe I just wasnted to shut it all out for a little while?) Then I smoked some more. Jen and I tried to have a dance off...it ended up with me falling over in the middle of the living room and her falling over on top of me.

I eventually tottered my way into the bathroom, because the world was spinning, and I threw up. For like three hours. It gave me just a little bit of satisfaction to know that Jen was also throwing up. Of course, I do feel bad for her because I was in the bathroom and she was in the living room with a trashcan. Rachel and Casey were amazing- they are my guardian angels. I thought I was going to die- it felt like having the flu, food poisoning, and mad cow disease all at the same time. They ran between Jen and I. Rachel undressed me- saving my twelve hundred dollar dress from barf- and put my pjs on. Casey held my hair back and rubbed ice on my neck because I felt so hot that I had a panic attack. He was amazing- I honestly don't think any of my other ex-boyfriends would have done that for me. Maybe, but I don't know. Even if a relationship didn't work out between us, he is still an amzing guy. And he told me I was beautiful even after I'd thrown up the entire contents of my stomach. :)

So at about 5am, after he was sure that I wasn't going to drown in my own vomit if I went to sleep, he led me (or maybe carried me?) upstairs. I kind of slept, I think for like an hour, then Jen came in and asked if I was ok. I felt better, so I went downstairs. Pretty much everyone was gone by this point, except Lindsey, Sean, and Casey. Sean got really really sick. He drank a lot....then threw up. He'd never been drunk before. I think he said some things to Jen that he shouldn't have...but people are always more honest when they are drunk.

At about 6am Jen and I decided to go to bed, especially since I had to go to work in...ohh about 4 hours. So we tried to make the bed...ha ha ha. Did not work. It was a mess, but funny. I guess we slept for a little...until maybe 7:30. Lindsey and Sean left.

Then Rae came in and told us she was going to go to sleep in her Mom's room. Ha ha ha. We followed her in there- she got no sleep. Oops- sorry Rae. ;) We all hung out for a little, and Casey came in. We just talked about all the funny shit that happened the night before. It was good times. I love my friends!

At 10am I got out of bed, brushed my teeth, put my work clothes on, sprayed on some body spray so I would smell less like alcohol and vomit, then headed out. I worked from 11am to 8:30pm. I honestly think it was the Adderol that kept me alive... But I did ok, even though I felt sick all day.

I don't understand how some people can get that shitfaced every weekend. I felt awful, and definitely made some bad first impressions. But, maybe you get used to it. I guess that was the first time I've ever been authentically "drunk"- drunk to the point of vomitting and passing out.

Well, I kind of wanted to write this out, because all my memories were scrambled and out of order. And it is kind of a night I would like to remember. It was fun. ;) Even though I did not get laid and I did manage to ruin my flirting opportunities by throwing up. Oops.

Love always,

Whitney who will try to get into Columbia anyway, and who has no intention of dying of alcohol poisoning.

no subject

raien — 2005-12-15T03:12:09-05:00

omggggg

I'm sooo tired :(

Off to work...

Me.

raien — 2005-12-18T08:12:51-05:00

C'est moi!

The family Christmas photo, 2006.

I wonder if I could make my hair look like this everyday...

<3 <3 <3

no subject

raien — 2005-12-28T10:12:34-05:00

Ok so ummmm my mom sorted through all these photos that we've had laying around for years. I've learned two things from this:

1. Once you go digital, you never go back. Never never never. What on earth is one supposed to do with all those pictures?? And most of them aren't even good. I love my digital cam- I can snap 500 or 1000 pics and just print the good ones! Saves resources!

2. Yeah so when I had my hair cut really short last year, I thought it was cute. I was horribly wrong. I looked like a BOY!!! Not good! Awkward!

Godddddddddddddd. My life is ridic.

no subject

raien — 2005-12-28T11:12:33-05:00

How do you feel about 2am trips to Double T Diner and bottomless cups of coffee for $1.20?

The Phantom of the Opera is here...inside my mind.

raien — 2005-12-29T01:12:48-05:00

Things to do over break:

Buy new coat.

Pick up scarf and *perfect* handbag on hold at Nordstrom.

Write paper for AP Govt.

Write letters to legislators for TLC.

Plan trip to Europe/Egypt next summer.

Write essays for scholarships.

Draft letter to Columbia Admissions board.

Outline chapter for AP Psych.

Study for AP Calc optimization test in order to pass class.

Finish PING project for Goodwin's class.

Chapter 11 notes for AP Govt.

Write thank you notes for Christmas gifts.

Hopefully I can finish everything. If not, I'm screwed!

<3 <3 <3

Whitney

no subject

raien — 2005-12-30T10:12:30-05:00

So far....I've finished #10.

Just #10.

And I only have....4 days left.

Uh oh.

no subject

raien — 2005-12-30T10:12:21-05:00

I have an announcement.

I am in love.

With a handbag.

You may never understand, but it is a perfect handbag.

<3 <3 <3

People think I'm stupid because I love to shop and say "fabulous" on a regular basis. They're wrong. I'm just supporting the economy.

Someone has to do it.

no subject

raien — 2005-12-31T12:12:19-05:00

So.....

I've knocked out #1, 2, 5, and 10.

Yup.

First Post of 2006

raien — 2006-01-01T01:01:57-05:00

Well happy New Year everybody!

My New Year's Resolution:

Lose 35 pounds. (20 pounds by prom, the rest before college)

Get into Columbia.

That's it. ;) Short and sweet. So maybe I'll actually follow through since I only have two things to accomplish!

no subject

raien — 2006-01-01T07:01:26-05:00

So I've finished:

# 1, 2, 5, 6, 8, 10

Still need to:

Write the paper

Write the letters (3) for TLC

Draft the letter to Columbia

Study for AP Calc

Take notes on chapter 11 for AP Govt

and

Write thank you notes for Xmas gifts

Goooooood grief

This is slooooooow going.

:(

Decoded

raien — 2006-01-02T12:01:50-05:00

I have figured out my pattern.

I lust after boys who I am uncompatible with.

Ex. The drunk black metal drummer or the nonconformist vegan artist.

These are boys that I could not date successfully, because they are not my type.

So then what exactly am I afraid of?

Fuck.

-Whitney, Uncensored

Four or five more cups of coffee and I'll be ready to write this paper.

no subject

raien — 2006-01-03T12:01:05-05:00

I finished my AP Govt paper.

Finally.

I just thought you might like to know.

I've had the assigment for a month.

It's due tomorrow.

I started it tonight.

Clearly, I am a very intelligent, responsible young woman.

<3 Whitney

Here's a to-do list update....

raien — 2006-01-03T12:01:06-05:00

~~Buy new coat.~~

~~Pick up scarf and *perfect* handbag on hold at Nordstrom.~~

~~Write paper for AP Govt.~~

Write letters to legislators for TLC.

~~Plan trip to Europe/Egypt next summer.~~

~~Write essays for scholarships.~~

Draft letter to Columbia Admissions board.

~~Outline chapter for AP Psych.~~

Study for AP Calc optimization test in order to pass class.

~~Finish PING project for Goodwin's class.~~

Chapter 11 notes for AP Govt.

~~Write thank you notes for Christmas gifts.~~

I can write the letters for TLC as soon as I get home from school tomorrow....it will be rushed though. The government notes I can do tomorrow; the quiz is on Wednesday. I guess the letter to Columbia isn't super super urgent....though I want to do it by the end of the week. And I need to remember to send that article to Barnard...

But the Calc stuff....I may have royally screwed myself with that one. Like badly. Like not get into Columbia or Barnard because of a failing grade in calculus badly.

Fuckers. Why did I take that class?!?!

I can only pray that Mr. Hopkins will be merciful tomorrow and will let us take the test on Thursday....please please please!!!!

I'm Famous!

raien — 2006-01-03T03:01:56-05:00

Here is my article in the Capital. (Em, I know you wanted to see it.)

http://www.hometownannapolis.com/cgi-bin/read/2005/12_31-17/CSC

no subject

raien — 2006-01-03T11:01:42-05:00

Who has 6 tickets to the Yellowcard concert in DC and is inviting all her favorite girls?

Who?

Yeah, bitch. Me.

:)

Updated to-do list...

raien — 2006-01-04T09:01:53-05:00

~~Buy new coat.~~

~~Pick up scarf and *perfect* handbag on hold at Nordstrom.~~

~~Write paper for AP Govt.~~

~~Write letters to legislators for TLC.~~

~~Plan trip to Europe/Egypt next summer.~~

~~Write essays for scholarships.~~

~~Draft letter to Columbia Admissions board.~~

~~Outline chapter for AP Psych.~~

~~Study for AP Calc optimization test in order to pass class.~~

~~Finish PING project for Goodwin's class.~~

~~Chapter 11 notes for AP Govt.~~

~~Write thank you notes for Christmas gifts.~~

Well, it's not like I don't have a whole other list of things to do, just waiting to be posted!

<3

Saturrrrday

raien — 2006-01-07T11:01:44-05:00

Things to Do Today:

Send article to Barnard

Send article and letter to Columbia

Do English homework for Hamlet

Go to work

Pick up prescriptions

Do French homework

Write and memorize monologue for theatre

Maybe that's it?

no subject

raien — 2006-01-08T12:01:00-05:00

Send article to Barnard

Send article and letter to Columbia

~~Do English homework for Hamlet~~

~~Go to work~~

Pick up prescriptions

~~Do French homework~~

Write and memorize monologue for theatre

no subject

raien — 2006-01-09T09:01:59-05:00

tirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrred.

no subject

raien — 2006-01-10T10:01:35-05:00

My vices:

Pizza

Purses

Shoes

Clothes in General

no subject

raien — 2006-01-11T03:01:09-05:00

So I joined the gym.

Phase 1 is in motion.

Suga we're going down

raien — 2006-01-14T01:01:47-05:00

So I bought 2 tickets to Fall Out Boy.

One for me and one for someone else.

We shall see!

<3 <3 <3 <3

Whitney

dance dance

no subject

raien — 2006-01-14T03:01:20-05:00

I got my acceptance letter from Goucher today. I didn't get the full scholarship. I only got $15,000 per year. Full tuition and room and board costs $37k. There is no way in fuck that I am going to lower myself to go to a school like Goucher and then pay $22k a year. No way in fuck. I would honestly rather join the army.

So, if I don't get into Columbia or Barnard, then I'm going to either go to AACC or enlist. And if you think I'm kidding, you're fucking wrong.

no subject

raien — 2006-01-17T09:01:41-05:00

Scholarships, scholarships, scholarships!

So much paperwork! Hopefully it will pay off!

<3

no subject

raien — 2006-01-17T10:01:54-05:00

So yeah, I keep complaining about how long it is before I hear from Columbia....

....Well I find out the first week of April....

....Woah. Thats only like two and a half months from now...

..................woah................

Wish me luck!!!

no subject

raien — 2006-01-24T01:01:06-05:00

Four exams down.

Four to go.

Exams Exams Exams...Senior Year!

raien — 2006-01-24T11:01:52-05:00

Well I ruined the curve in human geography. I didn't even study. I got an A. I have never gotten above a C on one of Goodwin's tests before, and I got an A on the midterm. Wtf? I wish I hadn't messed up the curve though...there are a lot of people pissed at me. Oh well. It's not like I tried to. I was only aiming for a C.

The Psych exam was...long. 150 multiple choice questions and a very lengthy essay. I think it went ok. I hope I pulled a C. Pretty sure I did. Hmmm, really hope I did! I only need a C because I got two As for first and second quarter. It took me the full two hours. I didn't study at all for that one either. At all. Probably a mistake. Hmm it would probably serve me right if I didn't get a C. But that would be a lot of work down the drain, especially since that's a class I'm actually interested in and care about.

Calc was...difficult. I only needed a D on that exam because I have two Bs for first and second marking period...I really really hope I pulled a D....if not, I'm really fucked, because then my semester grade will drop to a C. If so, bye bye Columbia (and probably Barnard). Also bye bye class rank (5th!!!) and GPA. Maggie got a 76 and she's better than me at Calc...we'll see. It would be such a waste to get a C for the semester because I worked sooo hard to pull my quarter grade up to a B!

Tomorrow I have English and Government. I prepared a tiny tiny bit for the English essay, but not a whole lot. I'm pretty good at bs-ing essays though, so I'm not too concerned about that. And I have two As, so I only need a C. Though Boothby would kick my butt if I got a C on her exam. She loooves me. :) Government may be interesting. I haven't studied at all for it...I probably should do a little of that tonight. I only need a C though.... hmm. Maybe I should aim higher? But what's the point?

Thursday I have French and Theatre. French may be tricky, but I only need a C I guess. We will see though. I think the oral part is going to be hard, and I'm a little shaky on imparfait/passe compose and when to use which. Which is bad because I've been taking French for 6 years, but whatev. Hopefully there will be something easy on the test that I can reap lots of points from! Theatre is not a concern at all. I don't even know if we're having a midterm or not. My midterm should be "see if Whitney can get all the festival kids signed up for classes before the festival actually starts." Ha ha ha I might fail that one; these theatre kids are tricky!

Well, exams are kind of silly when you only need to get Cs on them...and I only need a D in calc. I really really hope I don't get below Cs on any of my exams. Then I'll have pretty good grades- 7 As and 1 B. (As in AP Govt, AP Lit, AP Psych, AP Hum Geog, AP French, Theatre, and Career Internship; a B in AP Calc.) Not a bad job, if I say so myself. Though, it would be really amazing to get an A in Calc second semester. I think straight As is my goal. It would make me feel better about myself, anyway. And maybe my class rank would go up!

Well I think I'm going to go study for government a bit....though I really haven't studied for any of my exams so far! Just four more to go! And really, it's only three because theatre is nothing to worry about.

Wish me luck!

<3 Whitney

no subject

raien — 2006-01-25T09:01:22-05:00

Woooh so six exams down, two to go. I had Government and Lit today. I think I did pretty well on both of them. I know I got a 92 on the multiple choice section of the Lit exam, so if I did well on the essays then I'll probably get an A on the exam.

I got an A on my Psych exam! Crrrrazy! And I though I wasn't even going to pull a C. Only three people have gotten As so far. I didn't study at all for that one. Huh. Guess I'm just pretty fucking brilliant. ;)

I'm a little concerned about my AP French exam tomorrow morning... I'm pretty sure that I got an A second quarter, but Morley never gives us grades so I'm not positive. I think the oral part is going to be hard... We'll see I guess. And then the theatre exam....are we even having an exam? I don't even know. I'm really not too worried. ;)

So here are my grades.... I think....

                          1st Quarter     2nd Quarter     Exam

AP Psych                  A                    A                 A

AP Calc                    B                    B                 ?? (hopefully a D or higher)

AP Hum Geog           A                    A                 A

AP Eng Lit                A                     A                ?? (need a C or higher)

AP French                A                     ??                -----

AP Govt                   A                     A                 ?? (need a C or higher)

Career Int                 A                     ??                ?? (I'm sure it was an A)

Theatre                     A                      A                -----

Not too bad. And hopefully (please please please) my class rank will go up. If it doesn't I'm going to be really sad. Maybe I'll be like 5th. That would ba amazing.

I made a decision today that may have been good or bad....I dont't know yet. I signed up for Honors International Studies. I had a hole in my schedule fourth period on A days, and I was just going to leave school early...but I signed up for this class instead. It may have been a mistake. I mean, it will boost my GPA, but it might be a lot of work. Hopefully it will be interesting... We'll see.

I slept from 3:00 to 6:00 this afternoon...it was nice. :) I think I might study a little for French, then go to bed. Good night!

<3 Whitney

It was a fabulous concert

raien — 2006-01-29T11:01:16-05:00

Soooo I saw Yellowcard and Mae on Thursday at the 9:30 Club in DC. The show was amaaaazing! I went with Rachele D, Rachel E, Emily, Jen, and Nick; we had such a good time. The bands were fab and we pushed our way to the front so we had a great view. (There was a band called Black Out Cult who opened; they were ok but they were all really drunk when they got on stage.) I am soooo beat up but that's ok. There were a lot of people there and everyone wanted to be near the front, so there was a lot of pushing, shoving, moshing, crowd surfing, etc. Sweet frickin time. And I got some absolutely amazing pictures!

Dave Elkins of Mae; they were so friggin awesome. Such good music.

Rob Sweitzer of Mae- he was amazing on the keyboard.

Ryan Key of Yellowcard...they were sooo good!

Myself, Emily, Rachel, Rachele, and Nick. (I look pretttty bad. Oh well, lol)

Sean Mackin with his violin...it gives Yellowcard the best sound. I love the violin...

Me, Rachel, and Jen.

Ryan Key again.

HA HA HA....so before the concert and in between bands, people could send text messages and pics and they were displayed on this screen. Miss Rachele put this up. It was soooo funny. I was so embarrassed lol I turned bright red! All my friends were yelling really loud and every one was looking at me. Soooo funny.

Peter Mosely. He was cute. ;)

Rachele and I. She is so hot. I am jealous. Though, my collar was stylishly popped lol.

Ryan again. God the show was sooo good!

So those are some of the best pics. I was really pleased with how they turned out.

Yay for Yellowcard and Mae!

So, I'm going to go...do something.

Whitney

i heart music

Fishies!

raien — 2006-01-30T01:01:51-05:00

I went to the National Aquarium in Baltimore today with my parents. It was fab. Got some great shots.

Cute bird in the new Australia exhibit.

I think this guy was called a fringed lizard...or a frilled lizard...or something. Have you seen the Rescuers Down Under? Well this is Frank from that movie. So if you've seen it, this is him. If not, you should see it. It was one of my faves when I was a kid.

I'm actually really pleased with this pic. It's not very colorful, but the texture came out really well.

This guy was actually not behind glass. He was just kind of loose in the Australia exhibit. I could have got closer with my camera, but I was afraid he would get freaked out and attack my face or something.

This is a Pig-Nosed Turtle. I think he is the cutest friggin turtle in the whole world. And with his fins like that, he kind of looks like an aquatic bat. Cuuuuute!

This is a caiman. Well actually two caimans. I love how this picture turned out. I think the artistic value is really good. The reflection of the first caiman on the water's surface and the tail of the second caiman create an excellent sense of pattern, I think.

I snapped this at the dolphin show. I think this may have been a lucky shot, because my camera's shutter isn't that fast. Lucky me, then.

Seeing as most of the animals were behind glass, I'm really surprised that the pictures came out so well. I guess I'm just pretty awesome. ^-^ This is a frog, by the way. In case that wasn't obvious.

I feel like this fish is saying, "Hey, what the f- are you looking at?" Ha ha maybe not. That's just a thought.

The texture and colors are really good in this shot, but I think I had to reduce it too much for the details to be visible in this window. Oh well. It's cute anyway.

So there are my photos. I'm pretty psyched.

Love, Whitney

kit kat

no subject

raien — 2006-01-30T05:01:14-05:00

Ortho appt.

They gave me rubberbands and told me that I actually have to wear them.

Ow ow ow.

Work work work

raien — 2006-01-31T09:01:16-05:00

I had such a busy day! I went to first period, took the oral part of my French exam, then headed down to Annapolis to be super teen. (I spent the day speaking to delegates and senators, trying to get $400 million for MD school facilities.) Then I went to Chic N Ruth's for lunch, then back to school. I got stuck filling out paperwork in the auditorium for an hour, for theatre fest, but whatev.

I came home at like 3:30, got a blanket, laid down on the couch, and slept til 8:00. Since I have rubber bands on my braces now (grrrr....but it's almost over!!!), I can't eat anything solid....

Breakfast was a banana. Lunch was half of a strawberry smoothie and a bowl of MD crab soup. Dinner was a bowl of chicken and barley soup, a few grapes, and a cappuchino that I'm drinking now. But maybe I'll lose weight? Ha ha that would be fabulous!

I just finished my French homework... All I really need to work on is my Human Geography homework and my notes for chapter 12 for AP Govt. Of course, by this point, it's 9:00, oh well.

At least I'm working tomorrow. I haven't worked in forever and I really need the money!!

Ok, well I'm going to stop procrastinating and try and get some stuff done. I really need to get cracking on the Scholarship for Scholars forms!

Peace out.

Whitney

~~busy but able~~

no subject

raien — 2006-02-01T09:02:05-05:00

Here's what I know so far....



                           1st Quarter     2nd Quarter     Exam

AP Psych                  A                    A                 A

AP Calc                    B                    B                  B (yeahhhh baby)

AP Hum Geog           A                    A                 A

AP Eng Lit                A                     A                ?? (need a C or higher)

AP French                A                     ??                Don't know yet

AP Govt                   A                     A                 A (ohhh yeah)

Career Int                 A                     A                 A

Theatre                     A                      A                A

I worked today. And I'm working tomorrow. I should get cracking on my homework.

Ha ha, by the way: I have a prom date. :)

But Valentineless.

<3 Whitney

Busy Girl

raien — 2006-02-02T12:02:00-05:00

I am very tired.

But I still have homework.

I wonder when I will ever catch up?

Yours truly,

Whitney

Silly, silly busy bee.

no subject

raien — 2006-02-02T11:02:15-05:00

I finished all my homework at a reasonable hour! Wow!

Hmmm but I got a C on my reading quiz in Govt today... I've never gotten lower than an A on one of those! This is not a good start to the semester...

Oh well. I'll bring my grade up. (Though it sucks that I'm already worried about bringing grades up by the third day of the semester.)

I have so much homework to do this weekend! And I have to do some scholarship stuff.... Agggg!

International studies seems reasonable. Except she does notebook checks. How old does she think I am? 12? I haven't done a notebook check since like freshman year. Ah well.

Well I'm off to bed. Calc quiz tomorrow. Bleh.

-Whit Hoot

no subject

raien — 2006-02-02T11:02:15-05:00

By the way

I got an A on my English exam

:)

no subject

raien — 2006-02-05T08:02:47-05:00

I read Waiting for Godot.

It took about an hour.

I didn't find it particularly enjoyable.

It was a little silly.

But then again, I think that was the point.

<3 Whitney

no subject

raien — 2006-02-05T11:02:57-05:00

I have almost finished my Scholarships for Scholars applications.

Almost.

They're due on Friday.

Phew.

Time to batton down the hatches!

<3 Whit Whit

no subject

raien — 2006-02-06T10:02:22-05:00

AGGGGG

Scholarships, scholarships, scholarships

Whit

I best win me some monies

Homework

raien — 2006-02-07T10:02:06-05:00

Well, I've been procrastinating a lot less this semester.

Hopefully it's a good sign?

<3 <3

Whit Whit

kudos to the braniacs

no subject

raien — 2006-02-13T10:02:19-05:00

I.

Finally.

Have.

Electricity!

You don't really appreciate these kinds of things until you have to live without them.

Bands I've Seen In Concert

raien — 2006-02-15T08:02:30-05:00

Bands I've Already Seen (Though I'm sure I'm forgetting a ton)

3 Doors Down

Yellowcard

Jay Z

Staind

Mae

The Killers

The Cure

The Offspring

Breaking Benjamin

The Violent Femmes

Switchfoot

Shania Twain (lol)

Rascal Flatts

Black Out Pact

Louis XIV

Keane

Maximo Park

Regina Spektor

No Address

(That's not including local bands)

Upcoming concerts that I am definitely attending

(Fall Out Boy)

(All American Rejects)

(Hawthorne Heights)

(Death Cab for Cutie)

(Franz Ferdinand)

I wish I had tickets to the James Blunt show.

I heart James Blunt.

<3

Whit Hoot

music fiend

no subject

raien — 2006-02-16T08:02:01-05:00

I am overcommitted.

Big time.

That is all.

Alright, so I'm in love again

raien — 2006-02-20T02:02:23-05:00

I've fallen in love again.

With a handbag.

But good lord, is it not a handbag.

It is the handbag.

You may not understand, but this is the only type of love that I understand.

<3 <3 <3

I'll have to save my pennies.

A ~~bathtub full of~~ truckload of pennies.

Whitney

I wonder if I can get a job at the Coach boutique?

no subject

raien — 2006-02-21T11:02:32-05:00

Question of the hour:

Why don't boys like me?

Input is appreciated.

from the desk of Whitney

no subject

raien — 2006-02-23T06:02:37-05:00

you're barely waking and I'm tangled up in you

:: Still sick. ::sigh

raien — 2006-02-28T12:02:04-05:00

Still sick.

::sigh::

no subject

raien — 2006-03-09T09:03:17-05:00

I was sick for a week.

I had the flu.

Rough.

no subject

raien — 2006-03-11T02:03:22-05:00

I have officially put too much on my plate.

I really don't have time to make up all of this work...

I might quit my job.

Maybe.

But I really need the money...

Rats!

I hate decisions.

Off to work on more homework, which I have been doing since 9:00 this morning!

And will be doing until I go to work at 4:00...

<3 Whitney

no subject

raien — 2006-03-16T08:03:17-05:00

I still haven't finished all of the make-up work that I have to do. Rats.

no subject

raien — 2006-03-18T09:03:01-05:00

Stillllll doing make-up work!

It's really going to be the death of me.
At least I don't have that much left.

And I only work two days next week, which is exciting.

I would have only worked one, but I picked up a day.

Now why exactly did I do that?

Hmmmm I'm not really sure.

I do definitely need the money.

But an extra free day would have been nice.

Oh well. Just Thursday and Friday dinner wont be too bad.

Wow, now that I think of it, that's only like 9 hours.

I usually work like... 23 hours a week.

Sweet. Except for the tiny baby paycheck that is sure to follow.

Ha ha, 23 hours is entirely too much.

And that's 23 hours plus...about 33 hours a week that I'm in school...and like 10 hours of reharsal per week.

That's a total of 66 hours.

What's a normal workweek? 40?

HA HA HA. Clearly, I am trying to kill myself.

I mean, there are only 168 hours in a week. So I have like 100 left.

And if I slept 8 hours a night?

I'd have 44 hours.

Forty-four hours to eat, exercise (Claire and I go running now!), do homework, try to hang out with my friends, work on my Gold Award, maybe type a blog or two, clean my room (takes forever), etc. etc. etc.

Forty-four hours looks like a lot.

But really, it's not at all.

::sigh::

Rachel and I are going to go see Failure to Launch tonight.

I guess that's two hours from my 44.

I haven't seen a movie in ages though.

Hopefully it will be good!

<3 <3 <3

Your Favorite Over Achiever,

Whitney

no subject

raien — 2006-03-20T07:03:17-05:00

It's only 8:00 but I'm already ready for bed.

Too bad I have too much homework...

no subject

raien — 2006-03-22T11:03:51-05:00

Columbia

Columbia

Columbia

Columbia

Columbia

Just keep your fingers crossed for me

<3

Only a week or so to go

no subject

raien — 2006-03-23T08:03:51-05:00

Will Ferrel made $40 million in 2005.

Looks like I'm in the wrong business.

no subject

raien — 2006-03-23T09:03:32-05:00

Also.

PDA.

Not cool.

I do not need to see some stupid "gangsa" tenth grader groping some nubile freshman with a bad dye job at 7am. Thank you.

no subject

raien — 2006-03-23T09:03:07-05:00

Also.

I am really upset about my lack of boy-contact at the current moment.

So, I'm accepting applications.

Thanks.

no subject

raien — 2006-03-25T10:03:29-05:00

I have only 48 days of high school left.

Wow.

no subject

raien — 2006-03-27T06:03:29-05:00

I got a big fat rejection letter from Barnard today.

Why does no one want me?

no subject

raien — 2006-03-30T08:03:16-05:00

I didn't get into Columbia.

no subject

raien — 2006-04-01T12:04:11-05:00

I was at a party last night.

It got busted by the cops.

I was so scared.

no subject

raien — 2006-04-03T05:04:25-05:00

Y O U C A N O N L Y T Y P E O N E W O R D ! ! !
N O E X P L A N A T I O N S

One Word Survey:

1. Yourself: Struggling

2. Your Love: Nonexistant
3. Your Hair: Straight
4. Your Mother: British
5. Your Father: Sensitive
6. Your Favorite Item: Jeans
7. Your Dream Last : Acceptance
8. favorite drink: Water
9. Your Dream Home: Penthouse
10. The Room You Are In: Study
11. Your Pet: Colby <3
12. Who You Are Now: Student
13. Who You Want to be in Ten Years: Politician

14. What You Want to be in Ten Years: Happy
15. What You're Not: Happy
16. Your Best Friend: None
17. One of Your Wish list Items: College
18. Your Gender: Female
19. The Last Thing You Did: Yelled
20. What You Are Wearing: Trendy
21. Your Favorite Weather: Spring
22. Your Favorite Book: Lots
23. The Last Thing You Ate: Toffee
24. Your Life: Failing
25. Your Mood: Upset

no subject

raien — 2006-04-05T09:04:10-05:00

I got straight As this marking period.

My GPA for the quarter is like a 4.8

So why can't I get into college?

I have never been this miserable in my entire life.

I am sick of people saying things like, "In ten years, none of this will matter." "It doesn't really matter where you get your undergraduate degree." "Right now, this may be the worst thing that's ever happened to you, but it will be fine soon." "Goucher is a good school!"

First of all, it's not ten years from now, and this is the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. Right now, I don't care that my mom's friend's 17 son was recently struck with parlysis. I don't care that there are children starving in North Korea. My feelings are not relative. I know that there are people worse off than me, but this is the most upset I have ever been in my entire life.

Goucher may be a good school. And I don't hate Goucher because its Goucher. I hate it because it's not Columbia. Going to Goucher will just be an every day reminder that I failed; that I wasn't good enough to go where I really wanted. And I don't care that no one else thinks I've failed. I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks. It only matters what I think because this is my life and if I'm not proud of myself then I will never be happy.

I am not proud of Goucher. It is not where I was meant to be. It's just not. Why has this happened to me? Do I really deserve this? I'm 5th in the school. My SAT scores are really good. I have been involved in just about every extra-curricular that exists. I'm a Girl Scout, for fuck's sake.

And what do I have to show for it?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

My life is fucking over at the tender age of seventeen.

no subject

raien — 2006-04-06T11:04:49-05:00

I looked forward to college for years.

Now I dread it.

no subject

raien — 2006-04-09T10:04:29-05:00

I finished third in the state poetry recitation competition.

I finished Memoirs of a Geisha.

I haven't started my homework yet.

Constancy

raien — 2006-04-11T01:04:09-05:00

Tired ripples pull through the revolving glass door

and pulse like misshapen limbs in a pile

on the floor.

Patrons shake their waxed umbrellas and

rivulets of water spill like oil

from the Exxon Valdez.

Wishing for a quiet sunrise and a cloudless sky

the passersby

forget their names and lose their passions as they

are beaten by the dappled eaves of buildings and

hassled by the pollution emanating from Industry.

beautiful music

raien — 2006-04-14T03:04:21-05:00

I love Willie Nile.

He is amazing.

no subject

raien — 2006-04-15T04:04:07-05:00

Rejection

Rejection

Rejection

no subject

raien — 2006-04-17T01:04:52-05:00

HA HA HA

I got my brother back for being such a dick to me.

I showed my mom not only his cache of porn on the computer, but also the *interesting* pictures stored on his phone.

HA HA HA

I hate that kid.

no subject

raien — 2006-04-17T09:04:39-05:00

Why is there so much societal pressure to wear a bikini?

I just don't get it.

Everyone wears bikinis, whether they look good in them or not.

I find this ridiculous.

I bought a new swimsuit today.

I am a proud one-piece owner, thank you very much.

My midsection is no one else's business.

Call me modest.

<3 Whitney

Olfactory sensation

raien — 2006-04-17T10:04:45-05:00

have you ever smelled

a nubile shoot of bamboo

in the rain

it smells like acrid humor

or a breath from

Judas' lips

and at the same time

simultaneously

ironically

it smells like the curve

of a lover's arm

and the rim of a penny

dropped in a fountain

it smells like tea spilled

onto a chilled marble palate

or the edge of a

crumbling canyon

but you smell like a

nubile shoot of bamboo

in the rain

no subject

raien — 2006-04-18T10:04:27-05:00

I have not been productive today.

At all.

no subject

raien — 2006-04-19T08:04:49-05:00

My grandfather died today, while my mom was on the airplane on the way to see him.

I wish she had gotten to say good bye.

I wish I could have seen him one last time.

I have no grandparents left.

:(

no subject

raien — 2006-04-20T07:04:17-05:00

I have a HUGE project due tomorrow in International Studies

It's HUGE

We've had it for the entire semester

I just got home from rehearsal- it's 8:00

I haven't started this project yet.

Looks like I'll be pulling an all nighter!

[Again!]

::battons down the hatches::

Love, Whit

no subject

raien — 2006-04-21T03:04:34-05:00

So I just pulled my all nighter.

Dammit.

I am going to be miserable tomorrow.

How am I going to stage manage that damn musical?

Lol....ha ha what a mess.

Well I have like...2 hours before I have to get up!

(Oh, and the project I did was crap. It really wasn't something you could do in a night. But I'm practicing not caring. So there. I don't care.)

no subject

raien — 2006-04-22T12:04:40-05:00

The show was a mess.

Bob thinks I'm incompetent.

I went to Double T afterwards.

I drank three glasses of water and four cups of coffee.

I am so exhausted but I will never be able to fall asleep...

:(

no subject

raien — 2006-04-22T12:04:55-05:00

Rob Thomas and Natasha Bedingfield are coming on 06/06/06

My last day of high school EVER

I will be attending this concert.

Thanks bye.

no subject

raien — 2006-04-22T10:04:32-05:00

Orioles beat the Yankees last night.

Yeah baby.

I hope they beat them today and tomorrow.

<3 <3

no subject

raien — 2006-04-25T09:04:44-05:00

The Capital-Gazette scholarship banquet was tonight. I am no longer disappointed in myself for not winning. The competition was incredible....those kids...I think we all deserved $15,000. But everyone got $1000, and it's such an honor. I was chosen out of all the applicants from my school and that alone says something.

For the first time in months, I am proud of myself.

:)

no subject

raien — 2006-04-27T11:04:01-05:00

I have run 18 miles in the past 4 days.

Go me.

no subject

raien — 2006-04-30T08:04:40-05:00

My parents and brother are in England.

I have the house to myself for an entire week.

I feel so liberated!

no subject

raien — 2006-04-30T10:04:38-05:00

Type "[your name] needs" into Google. Repost interesting results.

Whitney needs to keep makeup on at all times

Whitney needs a permanent home with a family who will be there for her

Whitney needs to think about what she is doing and stop being so selfish

Whitney needs to get off the drug

Whitney needs assessment

Whitney needs to be personally accountable just like the rest of us

Whitney needs to be shaken by a British nanny

Whitney needs some time for herself

Whitney needs you!!!!!!!

Whitney needs some SERIOUS help

Whitney needs to be acknowledged and preserved

Whitney needs to get her ass into a rehab and stay there for a year

Whitney needs speed control

no subject

raien — 2006-05-02T12:05:13-05:00

I bought a prom dress today

I think Matt likes it

He says he does

(I hope he's not just trying to be nice.)

I'm in love with the boy next door

no subject

raien — 2006-05-02T12:05:34-05:00

I do not have a Myspace because it is a ridiculous waste of time

And I don't have time to waste.

Kthanksbye.

no subject

raien — 2006-05-02T09:05:40-05:00

I should be in AP Calc right now.

But I'm not.

He he he.

no subject

raien — 2006-05-02T09:05:32-05:00

My disappointment with the Orioles continues.

no subject

raien — 2006-05-02T11:05:28-05:00

No sane person living alone would ever have a dog, a cat, and two rabbits.

Not that I don't love them.

no subject

raien — 2006-05-03T03:05:18-05:00

Soo I need to be less fat

Like now

kthanksbye

no subject

raien — 2006-05-03T09:05:46-05:00

...I couldn't find anyone to work for me...

...So I can't go to the Fall Out Boy concert tomorrow...

:(

I am so sad.

no subject

raien — 2006-05-05T12:05:41-05:00

AP Lit test today.

It was excellent, actually.

I think I got a 5.

MC was easy and the essays...cake.

<3ed it!

I ran tonight.

I ran and ran and ran.

For a long long time.

I took off my shirt and there was blood dripping down my chest.

I ran for so long that my sports bra chafed a wound below my left breast and there is now a sore beneath my right as well.

This is not good.

Why must I do everything to excess?

Just two more exams to go...

Govt and Psych...

I better get 5s!

<3

no subject

raien — 2006-05-05T12:05:58-05:00

I always say that I don't regret anything and I really think its true. At the present moment, I cannot think of a thing I regret. I've made some bad choices, but no one's perfect.

I hate orange sherbert. It is dispicable. I cannot possibly describe how much I dislike it.

I also hate egg drop soup. I'm not a fan of eggs and egg soup is nauseating. Gross gross gross.

I've never met a vegetable I didn't like. I don't like olives, but they're a fruit. I don't like mushrooms either, but they're a fungus.

I do everything to excess. Everything. Or I don't do it all. I guess I just live on the extremes.

I have a crush on a boy. I haven't had a crush in a couple of years. This is really amusing me. I am completely enjoying it.

I really, really like my dog. I have been at home by myself for a week, because my family is in England, and I know I couldn't have stayed at my house alone without my dog's company.

I handed in my two-weeks notice at Ginger Cove. I'm in the process of getting a job at a hotel; I think being a hotel front desk girl is the cutest idea ever. I really, really hope I get the job. If not, I guess I will be unemployed for a little while. That might be nice too.

I almost never have free time and when I do, I don't know what to do with it. Free time causes anxiety for me because I always know that they're something I should do.

I am a very messy person.

I hope I get into Barnard. I hope hope hope. This is my last chance...

I got a new ringtone tonight. It's Sweet Home Alabama. Oh yeah. I'm pretty awesome.

Sometimes, I think all of my problems would be solved if I weighed about 40 pounds less. I know that's probably not true, but I like the idea.

I'm getting my braces off on May 23rd. I will have them off for prom! I also want to get my teeth whitened, hopefully that day.

Prom is going to be very very expensive for me...

Dress $120

Limo $60

Ticket $40

Shoes ???

Jewelry ???

Professional make-up ??? maybe $30-40

Hair style ??? maybe $40

Manicure/Pedicure ??? probably $40

Boutineer for Matt ??? About $10-15

Am I forgetting anything?

This whole ordeal will probably be over $500...is it worth it?

I could use that money for a purse...or laser hair removal!

Ha ha ha. I am ridic.

But yeah, so this crush...

Nice...

I am going to go take a shower.

And then go to bed.

Then I'll get up for school in...5 hours.

Ha ha ha.

Life is rough.

But high school is almost over!!!!!!!!!!!

(Scary!)

Maybe I will rethink some of my purchases...

no subject

raien — 2006-05-06T12:05:22-05:00

My parents are back. I really didn't mind being alone, though. It was nice. And my brother has been a dick since he got home, but whatever. He should have stayed in England!

A ton of good stuff has happened to me lately...

I got a prom dress that I love.

I rocked the AP Lit test.

The show is over and the last night didn't bomb.

I won the John Klocko Scholarship.

I've been in the paper twice this week. (Ha ha I am always in the paper....awesome.)

I'm waiting eagerly to hear from Barnard...

And one last thing...

This is such a huge deal...

I can barely contain my excitement...

I am a top 20 finalist for the Newsweek "My Turn" essay contest!!!!!!!

That is such a big deal!

Over 9000 high schoolers enter!

And I'm in the top 20!!!

Wow. I am so happy.

This is amazing.

:)

:)

:: I wore a bikini last night. :: I wore a bikini last night.

raien — 2006-05-07T10:05:08-05:00

I wore a bikini last night.

::hyperventilates::

no subject

raien — 2006-05-08T09:05:55-05:00

I need to start doing scholarships again...

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raien — 2006-05-08T09:05:27-05:00

caaaaaaake

i'm a fattie

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raien — 2006-05-09T09:05:22-05:00

I should be studying for AP Psych...oops...

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raien — 2006-05-11T10:05:30-05:00

I got into Barnard!!!!!!!!!!

Woooooooooooooooooo!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!

My current wish list

raien — 2006-05-13T10:05:03-05:00

Pastel Fendi bag

A great roommate

A boyfriend

Straight As for my final marking period of high school

Fab bedding and decorations for my new dorm room

Pointy-toed black stilettos

Brown flats

Negative 20 pounds :)

A hair cut

Clear skin

A clean room

A new job (in the process!)

To find my sunglasses

A clean car (Must get on that...)

New friends in college :)

No braces (May 23rd!)

White teeth (May 23rd!)

I need money so badly. I have been draining my savings account lately and that is baaaaaddd. I need money for beach week, prom, college, etc. etc. etc.

Hopefully my new job will pay off. I plan on working full time all summer...so hopefully 40 hours per week for about 8 to 10 weeks. So thats... 320 to 400 hours... and at $10 per hour that's $3200 to $4000.... Hmmm.

I need to have $10,000+ in savings by the end of the summer. I have about $6k right now. Hopefully I will make bank with graduation :) and be able to control my spending this summer.... Ha ha ha.

Ooh and what if I go on vacation?

Ha ha ha. This seems impossible!

Oh well.

I will figure something out.

:)

<3 Whitney

(the great innovator)

no subject

raien — 2006-05-14T10:05:07-05:00

This summer I will:

Work full time.

Enter as many essay contests/scholarships as humanly possible.

Those are my two objectives.

Hopefully I will make some moolah!

<3 <3 <3

It certainly seems that my life has taken a turn for the better.

<3 <3 <3

Whitney

no subject

raien — 2006-05-15T09:05:57-05:00

My chore for the evening:

Tackle my AP Govt. essay.

This is a good riddle.

raien — 2006-05-15T10:05:57-05:00

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you squeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

no subject

raien — 2006-05-17T09:05:24-05:00

I am soooo

...tired!

no subject

raien — 2006-05-20T12:05:03-05:00

I went to New York yesterday.

I am definitely going to Barnard.

I love it!

no subject

raien — 2006-05-20T03:05:53-05:00

So I'm going to Chicago for a week in August

With Erin

Now we just have to plan our trip

And I have to make some money to pay for it!

no subject

raien — 2006-05-21T11:05:32-05:00

Today was interesting.

Heard some things about a friend that I wish I hadn't heard.

Ate Chipotle for the first time.

Played the third wheel on a friend's date.

Felt a little lonely, for the first time in ages.

no subject

raien — 2006-05-22T12:05:31-05:00

i leave for college in 128 days

no subject

raien — 2006-05-23T12:05:45-05:00

I got my braces off!!

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raien — 2006-05-30T06:05:12-05:00

I had two fabulous parties this weekend. (My parents were out on the boat.)

Sunday night was especially lovely.

<3

How silly.

no subject

raien — 2006-05-31T06:05:12-05:00

I went to the senior awards assembly today instead of the Envirothon trip.

I'm glad I did; it was a decision that I made for myself.

I did pretty well at the assembly.

I won the Social Studies department's award and the English department's award.

And I got presented with a bunch of other awards.

It was nice.

:)

I went tanning today, so hopefully I won't look so anemic for prom.

Cancer, here I come!

I'm kind of nervous about everyone coming here after prom. I mean, there will be 20 people here. And that's kind of ridic.

We can't drink because I think I can manage maybe 10 teenagers, but not 20.

Hmmmm.

We'll see I guess.

I'm definitely going to buy a bunch of cigars lol.

no subject

raien — 2006-06-01T11:06:44-05:00

Work was fun tonight.

I have a tricky situation to deal with.

And I would rather just be done with it....

Oh well...

no subject

raien — 2006-06-02T12:06:09-05:00

So complex!

no subject

raien — 2006-06-04T10:06:16-05:00

Prom was amazing.

Absolutely amazing.

One of the best nights of my life.

Fab fab fab.

-Whitney

(I'll post pics soon)

no subject

raien — 2006-06-05T11:06:35-05:00

I walk into the kitchen, after work, with half a box of pizza that a guest gave the front desk girls.

I put it on the table and leave the room.

I come back and my dad's eating some.

I move to grab a piece and he waves my hand away.

"It doesn't look like you need anymore of that," he says.

I haven't eaten all day.

I had a light frappuchino.

That's it.

No pizza.

Oh, and a granola bar.

Sorry.

So fuck this shit.

And my parents wonder why I have food issues!?

no subject

raien — 2006-06-06T12:06:43-05:00

ooooh shit

i fucked it up

no subject

raien — 2006-06-07T11:06:43-05:00

So

are

we

like

bff

now?

no subject

raien — 2006-06-07T11:06:20-05:00

I have

glorious plans

for Monday.

no subject

raien — 2006-06-11T05:06:26-05:00

Ah!

I am a high school graduate!

Ahhh!

no subject

raien — 2006-06-12T12:06:01-05:00

I filled out a ton of paperwork for Barnard this evening.

Oh. My. God.

I am going to college!

In New York!

Ahhhh!

Crazzy!

no subject

raien — 2006-06-13T11:06:21-05:00

Headed to the big

OC

[Ocean City]

tomorrow

no subject

raien — 2006-06-17T11:06:13-05:00

Sooo I went to beach week.

It was fabulous.

I have never smoked that much weed in my whole life!

Ha ha ha.

I think I have lung cancer now.

This is seriously the first time I haven't been destroyed in like 4 days.

Awesome.

I'll find some pics ;)

no subject

raien — 2006-06-19T12:06:26-05:00

I'm applying to CUE: Columbia Urban Experience, a community service program that takes place a week before school starts in August, for incoming freshmen at Columbia College, Barnard College, the General Studies school, and the Fu Foundation of Engineering.

They only accept 50 applicants. I want to do it so badly!!!

On that note...

One of the application questions is:

"Take a piece of paper and fill it. Write an essay, draw a picture, compose a song- let us learn something about you..."

I did a collage called "They Are My Life." It's a bunch of pictures of my friends and family. On the back of the page I wrote, "i cannot think of a BETTER way to show me than by showing you the people who make me WHO I AM."

It's pretty cute, I think, and it took a long time. More than that, it means a lot to me. The people in those photos...they really are my life.

I showed it to my mom.

She said, "Neat."

Whatever.

no subject

raien — 2006-06-20T12:06:47-05:00

wh2159@columbia.edu

My e-mail.

Holy shit!

Ha ha ha ha!

I am a college girl!

no subject

raien — 2006-06-25T02:06:33-05:00

Ok, so I've set my deadline:

I need to mail out my CUE application by tomorrow.

I want it to arrive with plenty of time to spare.

There are five questions to answer...I've done three so far.

The last two are so easy that they're difficult:

Why is community service important?

Why do you want to do CUE?

If I don't get in to this program I am going to be severely disappointed.

Cross your fingers!

<3

no subject

raien — 2006-06-27T02:06:39-05:00

If it rains anymore,

I'm going to get soggy.

no subject

raien — 2006-06-27T04:06:07-05:00

I need to finish this application....

like now!

no subject

raien — 2006-06-29T12:06:30-05:00

I spent the night with Kyle again.

no subject

raien — 2006-07-01T01:07:58-05:00

Happy 18th Birthday to me!

Yay America?

raien — 2006-07-15T11:07:41-05:00

I was at work yesterday and at the counter, we have stacks of newspapers.

The front of the Washington Times featured a huge picture of a burning village with people running and soldiers carrying AK-47s. It was very dramatic and loud and orange, because of the fire. The headlike was something like Breaking Point in the Middle East?

During the day, people come to the desk to get papers. All day, people picked it up, looked at the front, saw the small column on the left hand side of the front page, and said,"Oh no, they're going to have to put Barbaro to sleep."

Jesus Christ.

What is wrong with people?

Are we desensitized or just dumb?

Ha ha well I found it hilarious.

no subject

raien — 2006-07-17T05:07:15-05:00

I Love Catsitting

:)

no subject

raien — 2006-07-24T12:07:49-05:00

I desperately need a new cell phone and a bottom retainer.

This is bad.

My orthodontist is out of town for the week.

My teeth are going to get so fucked up.

I on;y have 10 more days to spend with Kyle before we both leave for vacation. This sucks so bad.

Leaving for college is going to be so hard.

no subject

raien — 2006-07-30T12:07:08-05:00

I am a work right now.

I am getting paid $10 an hour to drink coffee and play on the internet.

What a sweet job.

By the way- I leave for vacation on Friday. Belize!

no subject

raien — 2006-08-02T03:08:25-05:00

I am really SCARED about college.

no subject

raien — 2006-08-14T03:08:51-05:00

I'm back from Belize.

It was amazing.

no subject

raien — 2006-08-14T01:08:58-05:00

I leave for college on Sunday.

Woah.

I have so much shit to get done.

So much.

no subject

raien — 2006-08-19T02:08:53-05:00

So, uh college...

tomorrow.

no subject

raien — 2006-10-23T11:10:18-05:00

test

YAAAAAAY

raien — 2006-10-23T11:10:27-05:00

Omg omg I am sooo excited!

The reason I've been MIA for so long is because I've been using the Safari browser on my Mac and it's not compatible with Mindsay.... and I just downloaded Firefox and it works!

Yay yay yay!

So now I am going to have to post about some of my college adventures in NYC :)

A long-belated update

raien — 2006-10-23T11:10:53-05:00

Twenty important facts about my life currently:

I am rowing on the Columbia Crew team. It's awesome. I am super strong.

I am a staff writer for the Style section of the Columbia Daily Spectator. This is good, since I think fashion writing is what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I only have one more midterm. (On the 31st)

I really miss high school. I miss my friends and the overall... system (the system that I had all figured out, mind you).

I really, really miss high school theatre. I might end up majoring in theatre, but I mentioned this to my parents and they were not pleased.

I love love love love NYC. (Manhattan=the greatest place EVER)

I'm still dating Kyle, even though the long distance thing sucks.

I might be home this weekend, to see Kyle in the improv show.

I will definitely be home two weekends from now and I will definitely be attending South River's Homecoming dance. I will also most definitely be visiting friends, smoking pot, eating at Chipotle, bothering my parents, and riding in cars. (I miss cars.... I walk/ride the Subway in Manhattan. Taxis are major luxuries for poor college kids like me.)

Barnard is fab. Classes are rough (who really wants to do work, anyway?), but there are great opportunities for me here. I might even learn something.

New York has the best pizza EVER. (Koronets on 111th and Bway... the pizza is only $2.75 a slice and a piece is about 12 inches wide and 18 inches long. I am not exaggerating! Really, I am not! It's giant pizza. You'll just have to come visit so I can prove it!)

I have been spending too much money. This is not good. Oops.

Right now, I should be doing an assignment for English. Instead, I am writing this list. Again, oops.

I really miss England. Now that my grandparents are dead, I might never go back. I miss what I had there... hanging out with Becky in the Village, Mom making sausage sandwiches in the kitchen, Nana yelling at everything because she was practically deaf, Grandpa arguing with my dad about everything... Even if I went back to England, I wouldn't be in that house. I can't recreate that experience, that family. It's gone. It's really hard.

On a happier note, I am making friends here. There are some great people. My roommate is awesome; we get along really well.

I think I'm getting fatter because of all the crap they feed us. It is impossible to be healthy here. Oh well.

I miss my dog. I saw my parents and my brother this weekend because it was family weekend, but I didn't get to see my dog.

I drank myself into oblivion this weekend. I am really not a big drinker and this is only the second time ever that I've actually drank so much that I puked. It was an open bar for $20... so I drank my $20 worth... and more! Well, it has turned me off cheap vodka for a long time!

I really need to get to bed or I will never wake up in the morning. Did I mention that crew involves waking up at 6:30 six days a week?

I think I'll be ok with spending four years here. I like it. I don't know what will happen to my realtionship with Kyle...since long distance will never work for four years... but I guess I'll work it out as it comes!

<3 Whitney

no subject

raien — 2006-10-24T10:10:56-05:00

I might have hypothyroidism.

We'll see.

Hmmm.

no subject

raien — 2006-10-25T11:10:12-05:00

Today I had to have blood tests AND a pap smear.

not fun

no subject

raien — 2006-10-29T10:10:39-05:00

Don't get me wrong, I love New York City.

And I love Barnard.

But I sure do love coming home.

no subject

raien — 2006-10-30T01:10:12-05:00

I had a great weekend at home.
I'm glad I got to see everyone. :)
And I'm going home next weekend too...oops. I'm becoming like a communter student... ha ha
(But seriously, I need to start spending more time interacting with other human beings here.)

I have a midterm tomorrow, in Political Theory.
Yikes.
I missed the review session on Friday... but I think it's on videotape in the library. Hopefully I will have time to watch it, in between writing my speech for English and my journal for Theatre.

Hmmm.
Maybe I should have done some work this weekend... oh well!

<3 Whitney

no subject

raien — 2006-10-31T12:10:11-05:00

55 minutes and counting.

no subject

raien — 2006-10-31T12:10:19-05:00

25 minutes and counting.

no subject

raien — 2006-10-31T03:10:34-05:00

Well, I'm done with midterms.

Grades soon!

no subject

raien — 2006-11-01T10:11:18-05:00

I went down to the Village last night for Halloween festivities.

Let me tell you, New York is a crazy place on October 31st.

By the way, I was a Catholic school girl. Original, right? Well, I didn't have a costume. So I borrowed some skanky clothes from Tat.

<3

no subject

raien — 2006-11-06T09:11:23-05:00

All I want to do is come home and spend time with him.

It's making it so hard to enjoy college.

It's making it so hard to make new friends.

It's making it so hard to leave this place.

no subject

raien — 2006-11-08T05:11:12-05:00

I had one of the best weekends ever.

Homecoming with Kyle was amazing. (Basically everything with Kyle was amazing.)

I got to see so many of my friends.

I spent an extra day at home... I was supposed to leave on Tuesday morning... because I had crew practice. But I didn't want to leave. So I stayed until 5:00 and missed practice. Oh well.

It was 100000% worth it.

I wish I was having that much fun at college! :/

no subject

raien — 2006-11-10T01:11:32-05:00

I pulled a 2:05.8 on my 5k erg test today.

That's almost 5 seconds faster than last month.

AWESOME.

70 Things I Like/Love In No Particular Order

raien — 2006-11-10T01:11:22-05:00

Spooning (This is a really important one.)

The color yellow

The leaves in autumn (Especially in Maryland.)

Bundling up when it's chilly outside

My friends (They are the BEST.)

Shopping

Taking pictures

My cell phone

Lip gloss

Getting exciting e-mail

Reading good books

Sex marathons (Like when you know that if you do it again, you won't be able to walk for a week, but you do it again anyway. Ten more times.)

My iPod and the music on it

Hot chocolate

My cigarette case

Being absolutely head over heels in love (and knowing that your boyfriend feels the same)

Spooning with said boyfriend (Very important.)

Hot caramel apple cider from Starbucks

Autumn in general; it's my favorite season

Black ball-point pens

Free promotional items (pens, water bottles, stickers, buttons, etc. etc. etc.)

Purses

Shoes

Purses and shoes (I can't help myself.)

Coffee

Being able to be 100% yourself around your best friends

New York City

Buying Christmas presents

Getting a really thoughtful gift, not necessarily an expensive one, just something that you didn't have to ask for or maybe didn't even know you wanted- the giver just knows you that well :)

Kicking ass on an erg test (Aka. Showing coach that I can do it. I just don't care. Hmmm... maybe that's not the best message to convey. Oh well. I'm awesome.)

Not having any dirty laundry

Getting into a made-bed (I should make my bed more often. Hmmm.)

Not sleeping alone (Aka. Sleeping with said boyfriend. An extra warm body makes a bed so much more pleasant.)

Jeans that fit perfectly

When my hair actually looks good

Finding money that you didn't know you had (Check your coat pockets from last winter!)

Not having any homework... and being free for a little while

Being clean and freshly showered

Freckles

Ice cream

Seeing a great movie for the first time

Crystal Light (So delish!)

Correct spelling and grammar

When I manage to apply the effort and do a good job with my make-up

Hookah bars

Barnard/Columbia

Getting a good grade on a paper/test/assignment

Naps (Love love love!)

Naps with said boyfriend :)

Flipflops

Making lists

Fashion magazines

Theatre

Popcorn

Seeing a long lost friend

Becoming friends with someone whom you thought you might not get along with

Diet Snapple (Especially Plum-agranate and Pink Lemonade.)

My MacBook (And PhotoBooth)

Working in a hotel

Annapolis

South River High School (Ah, how I miss senior year!)

Going home for the weekend... and hanging out with all the kids I love!

Gorgeous high heels

Riding in cars (I miss this in NYC!)

Drugs :)

Concerts (Often accompanied by #65.)

Sunshine

Saving ticket stubs

Travelling (Everywhere! I want to go everywhere!)

Getting funny text messages

no subject

raien — 2006-11-10T10:11:20-05:00

OMG

I JUST SAW EWAN MCGREGOR

AND HE IS A GOD

no subject

raien — 2006-11-13T01:11:45-05:00

FRENCH IS MY LEAST FAVORITE CLASS.

Thank God, I will be finished with the language requirement next semester.

But on a brighter note,
it was cheese day in Hewitt.
Brie, Stilton, goat cheese, Irish cheddar, etc.

yumyumyumyum

I <3 cheese

And on an even brighter note,
I got a letter from Kyle today
An actual letter
Like, on paper
Written with a pen

o.0

wow

<3 him

It's only 6:30 and my day is already shitty.....

raien — 2006-11-16T06:11:26-05:00

Soooo last night I talked to Kyle on the phone from 8:30 to 11:00. A long time, I know, but we talk on the phone a lot. I needed something to keep me awake until midnight because the timeframe for freshman athletes to sign up for L-courses was midnight to 5am this morning. As in it ended an hour and a half ago. As in I missed it. Let me explain. The Barnard registrar process is intensely fucked up. For most classes, you just add them to your schedule, your advisor approves it, and bada bing, you're enrolled. Then, there are "limited enrollment" classes, aka L-courses, that you have to wait in line for. So on Monday, seniors get up early and stand in front of the registrar's office until it opens at 10am. Juniors on Tuesday, Sophomores on Wednesday, and finally, Freshmen on Thursday. But, as I'm a varsity athlete, I get to avoid this process a little bit. This morning, from 12am to 5am, I just had to send an e-mail to the registrar with the call number of the L-course(s) I wanted. That way I wouldn't have to stand in line and I'd also get to sign up before the rest of the first-years. Simple, right? Awesome. Piece of cake. Apparantly not. Last night, I was just laying in bed, fully dressed, after I got off the phone with Kyle. It was like 11:05 so I only needed to stay up for one more hour. (Which seems a little unfair considering that I had to wake up at 5:20 for crew, but whatever.) And, predictably, I fell asleep. So I missed my online sign-up privilige and now have to go wait in line for hours. I should probably go now-ish and then I'll probably be waiting until about 10:30. So like four hours of my life spent standing in front of the registrar's office. Excellent. But wait, it gets worse. Because the Columbia College students have registration today from like 9:00 to 11:00 (their system is different from ours at Barnard and they do it all online) and they make up the majority of the crew team, we were going to have early morning practice from 6-9am instead of 7-10am. Why am I not at said practice right now? Well the reason I'm awake right now is because my coach called me at 6am to tell me I had missed the bus and needed to take a cab to the boathouse. I jumped out of bed, still wearing my jeans and make-up, and really intended on going. Really, I did. I never miss practice. What happened is that since practice was early, I needed to set my alarm earlier. But since I fell asleep unplanned, I never did so. Well, fuck. I lied and told her I was sick. I didn't (1) want to spend $20 on a cab or (2) really feel like rowing. Dammit, now I feel really shitty for missing practice and even shittier for lying. She knows I lied too and I'm sure Shannon (coach) will make it very apparent to the rest of the team. Yay! I'm kind of crewed-out right now, and I really want a few mornings to sleep in. Unfortunately, this is not going to be one of those mornings. This is stressful as hell, and fuck, since I'm already awake, I might as well go stand in the L-course line. Did I mention that I have a paper due and a speech to give today? Neither of which have been written. FUCK FUCK FUCK I will, as always, remain overtired, poorly nourished (yum, dining hall food), and willfully missing my home, my friends, and my boyfriend. Love Always, Whitney

no subject

raien — 2006-11-16T09:11:25-05:00

I have auditions for the Vagina Monologues in about an hour!

Wish me luck!

(I'm trying to pretend that I don't care if I get a part or not. I'm basically lying to myself.)

Vaginnnnnas!

raien — 2006-11-16T11:11:11-05:00

Well, I had my audition! I think it went pretty well. They asked me to do a British accent and a New Jersey accent, like without rehearsal or preparation, which is hard as shit, but I think I did ok. We'll see :) I'm not sure when I'll find out... but hopefully I won't be in suspense for too long!

no subject

raien — 2006-11-17T08:11:58-05:00

I just took a 5 hour nap!

I am so annoyed with myself because I had so much work to do today...

10 VERY Important Things You Should Probably Know

raien — 2006-11-18T05:11:04-05:00

I really need a job. New York City has done an excellent job of depleting my savings account.

I did some homework yesterday and today, which is impressive considering that I haven't done any real, actual homework in like.... two weeks. I managed to finish my writing assignment for my English seminar and write my review of 3 Needles for the Spectator (the University newspaper).

The 3 Needles review wasn't actual homework, but I still needed to get it done. So now it's done. By the way, the movie comes out on December 1st. It's bad. Don't bother seeing it.

I still have two journals to write for my theatre class. Then, for French (the bain of my existence), I have to correct an essay, read some pages in the textbook, and do some exercises in the packet. Will do that.... soon.

I discovered today that the John Jay dining hall has a much better breakfast than Hewitt dining hall. Sooo I will probably frequent there more often.

Since breakfast, I've only eaten some Nutella. As a result, I have a stomach ache. Dammit.

Kyle left for Chicago today. I'll be joining him on Wednesday. Scary!

He said he would call me when his plane landed. He didn't. He has gotten steadily less reliable when it comes to making promised phone calls.

I'm going to Maggie's apartment tonight. We're going to watch a movie and smoke pot. Ohhh.... these high aspirations I have!

I need to take a shower. So I'm going to go do that. Like now.

<3 Whitney

EWAN MCGREGOR

raien — 2006-11-18T05:11:56-05:00

Ok..... so this is Ewan McGregor. (He's to the left, in the background.)

But I was REALLY close to him.

He is so hot in real life.

I'd hit that.

no subject

raien — 2006-11-19T03:11:53-05:00

I still have to correct my French composition and write two journals for theatre.

Then I'm finished! (Yay!)

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raien — 2006-11-19T04:11:05-05:00

I AM SO BORED

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raien — 2006-11-20T12:11:35-05:00

I get to interview THE HUSH SOUND today.

yay!

BAD NEWS

raien — 2006-11-20T10:11:41-05:00

I am sick.

And in two days, I am flying to Chicago to meet my boyfriend's mother.

Hopefully I don't infect his entire family.

.....Please can I be better by Wednesday?

no subject

raien — 2006-11-21T09:11:13-05:00

I am still sick but I don't feel as bad as I did last night.

I need to be better by tomorrow!

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raien — 2006-11-25T07:11:21-05:00

I went to Chicago to meet Kyle's mom and stepdad.

It was great. They are fab! (Even though I was super nervous. Hopefully I wasn't too awkward.)

I <3 Kyle.

no subject

raien — 2006-11-25T07:11:39-05:00

I am really hungry.

I had a sammich at like 10:30 and that's it.

And I didn't eat much yesterday because I was coming down from my roll.

It seems like a lot of effort to get something to eat....ha ha a lot of effort to walk like one block.

Should I go to Pinnacle.... and get soup or a sandwich or pizza?

Or the grocery store and just get.... crackers? yogurt? fruit? cookies? mmm...ice cream?

Or Swish... pad thai? fried rice? sushi?

Or Ollie's.... udon noodles? Chinese curried chicken?

Or... ha ha ultimate laziness.... go to the vending machines downstairs... pita chips? pop tarts? candy? cheetos? (ahhhh... health)

Or Krispy Kreme... Asian Market... ??

Those are my options that are a block or less away. <3 NYC

Need to make a choice.

Hmmmm.

Will return.

Hopefully with food.

Love, Whitney

no subject

raien — 2006-11-26T08:11:21-05:00

Once again, it's dinnertime and I'm hungry.

Time to venture out onto the streets of NYC and scrounge up a meal...

no subject

raien — 2006-11-28T12:11:43-05:00

I just finished reading Middlesex

Great book

Of course, I should have been doing the homework for my 5:00 class

:)

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raien — 2006-11-29T12:11:21-05:00

I AM SOOO NOT READY FOR FINALS!!!

AND THEY ARE SOOO SOON!

:(

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raien — 2006-11-30T11:11:04-05:00

I went to Rockefeller Center last night to see the Christmas tree lighting.

Like everyone performed:
Enya
Lionel Richie
Sarah Mclaughlan
Martina McBride
John Legend
Sasha Cohen (she skated)
Taylor Hicks
Christina Aguilera
Sting
Bette Midler

And Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey made an appearance

Love love love living in New York City!

no subject

raien — 2006-11-30T02:11:48-05:00

bored bored bored bored bored bored

Why did he ask me to write this?

raien — 2006-12-01T09:12:16-05:00

Whitney C. Hoot
Barnard College at Columbia University
3001 Broadway #5506
New York, NY 10027

November 27, 2006

Admissions Office
St. Mary’s College of Maryland

To Whom It May Concern:

For the sake of my own interests, I don’t want Kyle Clothier to go to St. Mary’s. I’m a selfish teenage girl who is incredibly frustrated with the loneliness and accumulated phone bills associated with a long-distance relationship. The idea of living four more years with a 200-mile gap in my life terrifies me. I’d love for Kyle to follow me to New York and I’d even be satisfied if he went to college in New Jersey. But that’s not what he wants and I just have to be honest. He always puts me first. This time, it’s not my turn.

Kyle wants, more than anything, to go to St. Mary’s College of Maryland. It’s where he’s always wanted to go; he talks about it all the time. No matter how often I change the subject or which other schools I suggest or how many blank applications I forward to his inbox, it will always be St. Mary’s. He loves the campus; he loves the small college, liberal arts education; he loves the opportunities he’ll have. How can I hold this against him? If I am fair, then I cannot. This is his college dream and it is his right to pursue it. With all of the hard work he has put into his education, he deserves to go exactly where he wants.

Kyle is absolutely brilliant. He’s smarter than me and I don’t say that a lot. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever said that about anyone. He’s a great student. He participates in class and can always add something to a discussion. Teachers love him. He’s a beautiful writer. (And I don’t say that a lot either.) And- I think this might be more important than academic matters- Kyle is amazingly kind. He is kind to everyone. In today’s world, people aren’t nice. High schoolers, especially, aren’t nice. How Kyle ever managed to grow up with three brothers and become such a genuine, compassionate person, I’ll never know. Kyle has the best smile I’ve ever seen.

I could list Kyle’s various interests and extra-curricular activities, but I’m sure you’ve seen his resume. And I’m sure you can see what an asset he would be to your college. (Which is, I must begrudgingly admit, an excellent school. If it weren’t, I would not be recommending Kyle, because he deserves the best.) It has been excruciatingly difficult to write this letter, but sometimes we have to do hard things for the people we love. I know Kyle pretty well- I guess really well- and I know he will be happiest at St. Mary’s. If there is one perfect college for everyone, then St. Mary’s is his. I don’t like the idea, but sometimes we just have to suck it up, write checks to the phone company, and look forward to long weekends and holidays. So here it goes:

I, Whitney C. Hoot, a student of Barnard College at Columbia University in the City of New York, with all of the credibility I can muster, recommend Kyle A. Clothier as a perfect candidate for the St. Mary’s College of Maryland class of 2011.

Thank you very much for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Whitney C. Hoot

no subject

raien — 2006-12-01T03:12:57-05:00

It's 70 degrees today in New York City... and it's December!

I have a 20 page paper to write. I need to suck it up and do it.

Every time I lay down, I get a headache.

I am worried sick about finals.

I really want to go Christmas shopping.

I'm still kind of upset about that recommendation. Reality sucks.

At this point, I am definitely, definitely procrastinating.

I want to buy Kyle a really nice wallet for Christmas.

Kyle, Lauren, Andrew, and Matt are coming to visit next weekend!

Time to do some work, I guess. Bleh. I hate work. It's the worst part of college.

College is rough

raien — 2006-12-02T10:12:49-05:00

So far I've written 2 pages of my 20 page paper.

Well...
at least I started.

(I guess I'll be up until 1:00 or 2:00 am doing this. Serves me right for procrastinating. The only productive thing I did yesterday was making my bed. And that took all of five minutes.)

Since the paper is separated into four sections, five pages each, I want to finish one section each night for the next for nights.

Saturday- Section 1: Dramaturgical Analysis
Sunday- Section 2: Historial approaches to the play
Monday- Section 3: Personal approaches to the play
Tuesday- Section 4: Observation and conclusions

On Wednesday I'll put it all together and make a coversheet.

Christ.

This is really cramming my schedule for the week. Check this out:

Sunday:

12:00-5:00ish Christmas shopping with Maggie

Work on paper (Section 2)

Study for French quiz Monday (Last quiz of semester- need a good grade!)

Can't stay up too late because of crew on Monday

Monday:

8:00-10:00 Crew (Weights in erg room)

10:30-12:00 Lincoln Center Theatrical Library for research for 20-page paper

12:30-2:30 Work on paper (Section 3)/study for French/Eat lunch

2:40-4:00 French class (Quiz! Get last composition back?)

4:00-6:30 Work on paper

6:30-8:30 Activist's Dinner (Must attend)

8:30-?? Work on paper

Tuesday:

Wake up early to work on paper (Section 4)??

1:10-2:25 Political Theory class

2:40-4:00 Reacting to the Past Seminar (will receive Op-Ed assignment)

5:00-7:10 NY Theatre class

7:10-?? Finish paper

Wednesday:

7:00-10:00 Crew (Load boats for Florida)

10:00-2:30 Do whatever French homework was assigned on Monday (Revise comp?)/Eat lunch

2:40-4:00 French class (reviewing for final)

5:00-6:00 Erg test at Dodge Gym

6:00-?? Get paper together/Make coversheet/Do extra credit/Print/Write Op-Ed piece

Thursday:

Wake up early to finish any work necessary

1:10-2:25 Political Theory class

2:40-4:00 Reacting to the Past seminar (Turn in Op-Ed. Will receive final essay assignment.)

4:00-?? Write essay for Reacting/Do any other work

Friday:

12:00-2:00 Political Theory review session (Must go/Arrive early to get seat)

No set plans... maybe study for Pol Theory/Work on Reacting essay

7:00 Kyle arrives!!!!!!

7:30 Get pizza at Koronets

8:00-?? Trip balls on LSD :)

Saturday:

Sleep in with Kyle :)

12:00 Lauren and Andrew arrive!!

12:00-7:00 Shop/eat/hang out in NYC

7:00ish Matt arrives!!!

8:00-11:00 High Fidelity on Broadway

11:00-?? Party at Maggie's

Sunday:

Sleep in with Kyle :)

11:00-12:00 Brunch w/Kyle, Lauren, Matt, Andrew, etc.

3:00-5:00 See The Wedding Singer on Broadway?? Maybe...

6:00ish Andrew, Kyle, and Lauren leave

6:00-?? Hang out with Matt! Shop? Eat? Whatever!

Monday:

Spend all morning with Matt (Met?)

2:40-4:00 French class (reviewing for final)

4:00-?? Hang out w/Matt

Lateish Matt leaves

Tuesday

Study study study (for Pol Theory/French)

Finish Reacting paper

5:00-6:00 NY Theatre (last class...turn in A++ paper!)

6:00-?? More studying/Finish Reacting paper

Wednesday:

Study all day!

Thursday:

Study in the morning

Reacting paper due?

1:00-4:00 Political Theory exam

4:00-?? Study for French

Friday

Study in the morning

1:00-4:00 French exam

5:00 or 7:00 Leave for home!!!

Well... if I just suck it up and get the paper done and don't procrastinate on any of my work, I'll have plenty of time to study for my exams. And then I should do well on them. Writing this scedule out has made me feel a little better, actually.

Here are the semester grades I'm hoping for:

Reacting to the Past: A
NY Theatre: A (If I do really well on this paper, it just might be possible...) I guess an A- would be ok
Political Theory: A+ (I got an A+ on the midterm, so if I study a lot for the final, this is possible)
French: B (I will probably get a B-, which will be a little disappointing, but ok)

I want to get a 3.4 both semesters this year so I can make Dean's list... that would be so awesome!

Ok... well I'm going to finish section 1 of my paper!

Wish me luck- I better fo a damn good job!

no subject

raien — 2006-12-03T07:12:18-05:00

Went Xmas shopping today w/Maggie

Spent a lot of money

Spent a lot of money on me too... oops!

no subject

raien — 2006-12-04T12:12:22-05:00

Section one including character constellation is done.

9 pages, 1.5 spaced. So 6 single spaced paged, 12 double spaced pages.

A lot.

I'm a little behind my projected schedule, but I don't think the other sections are going to take nearly as much time as this.

<3

I think I'm doing ok.

no subject

raien — 2006-12-04T12:12:07-05:00

Damn damn damn damn damn damn

Big setback in the essay writing process.

For the second section of the essay (the historical approaches) I have to get resources from the NYC Public Library's Theatrical Arts branch. I went there today.

THEY ARE CLOSED ON MONDAYS.

Even worse, they don't open until noon on the days that they do actually open, so I can't go tomorrow. That means I have to wait until Wednesday to make any progress on my paper.

This is bad.

That means...

Wednesday: Section 2
Thursday: Section 3
Friday: Section 4

Soooo..... now I've lost two days of work and am going to be cutting it close.

It's still not impossible and I do have lots of time until the 12th, but I JUST WANT TO GET IT DONE.

Rats.

no subject

raien — 2006-12-05T11:12:51-05:00

I slept in wayyyy later than I'd planned.

Ohhh well.

THE HUSH SOUND

raien — 2006-12-06T01:12:30-05:00

I just saw The Hush Sound play.

With This Is Me Smiling, This Providence, and Murder by Death.

Did I mention that I hung out with them after the show, too?

I'll post pictures :)

Love love love love!

Some of these are not crazy at all...

raien — 2006-12-06T06:12:54-05:00

Level 1
(x) smoked a cigarette
(x) smoked a cigar
(X) smoked weed
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
(x) drank alcohol
SO FAR: 5

Level 2
(x) said "i love you" to someone
(x) had a pet die
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
(x) fell down a mountain
SO FAR: 8

Level 3
(x) snuck out of a parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) gone out on a blind date
(x) lied
SO FAR: 11

Level 4
(x) had a crush on an older person
(x) skipped school
(x) slept with a co-worker
( ) seen someone/something die
SO FAR: 14

Level 5
(x) had/have a crush on one of your Facebook friends
(x) been to Paris
( ) been to Spain
(x) been on a plane
(x) thrown up from drinking
SO FAR: 18

Level 6
(X) eaten Sushi
(x) been snowboarding
( ) met someone BECAUSE of facebook
(x) been mosh pitting
SO FAR: 21

Level 7
(x) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken pain killers
(x) love/like someone who you cant have
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
SO FAR: 26

Level 8
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
SO FAR: 31

Level 9
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
SO FAR: 35

Level 10
(x) used a fake/someone else's ID
(x) watched the sunset
( ) felt an earthquake
( ) killed a snake
SO FAR: 37

Level 11
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed/vandalized
( ) robbed someone/vandalized
(x) been misunderstood
( ) pet a deer
SO FAR: 39

Level 12
(x) won a contest
(x) been suspended from school
( ) had detention
(x) been in a car/motorcycle accident
SO FAR: 42

Level 13
(x) had/have braces
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
SO FAR: 46

Level 14
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
(x) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
( ) Been obsessed with post-it notes
SO FAR: 50

Level 15
(X) squished barefoot through the mud
(X) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the world
(X) swam in the ocean/gulf/lake
(X) felt like you were dying
SO FAR: 55

Level 16
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(X) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(X) sang karaoke.
(X) paid with only coins
SO FAR: 60

Level 17
(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) kissed in the rain
SO FAR: 64

Level 18
(X) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(X) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
SO FAR: 68

Level 19
( ) crashed a party
(X) have traveled more than 5 hours with a car/bus full of people
(X) gone rollerskating/blading
(x) had a wish come true
SO FAR: 71

Level 20
(x) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) Screamed 'PENIS' in class
(x) gone swimming with dolphins
SO FAR: 73

Level 22
(x) got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer*/ice cube*
(x) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sex's clothes
(x) Sat on a roof top
SO FAR: 77

Level 23
(X) screamed at the top of your lungs
(X) done/attempted a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(X) stayed up all night
SO FAR: 80

Level 24
( ) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(X) climbed a tree
(X) had/been in a tree house
(x) are scared to watch scary movies alone
SO FAR: 83

Level 25
( ) believe in ghosts (i call them spirits)
(X) have/had more than 30 pairs of shoes
( ) gone streaking
( ) been in jail/visit
SO FAR: 84

Level 26
(X) played chicken
(X) been pushed/jumped into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(X) been easily amused
SO FAR: 88

Level 27
(x) caught a fish then LATER ate it
(X) made or been in a video
(X) caught a butterfly
(X) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
SO FAR: 93

Level 28
(x) mooned/flashed someone
(X) had someone moon/flash you
(X) cheated on a test
(X) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked
(x) French braided someones hair
(x) gone skinny dipping in a pool
( ) been kicked out of your house
SO FAR: 100

Level 29
(X) Rode a rollercoaster
(x) went scuba-diving/snorkeling
(x) had a cavity
( ) Black-mailed someone
( ) been black mailed
SO FAR: 103

Level 30
(X) fell going up the stairs
( ) licked a cat/dog
(X) played hide and seek within the last 3 years
(X) bitten someone
(X) licked someone
SO FAR: 107

I've done 107 out of 144 crazy things

no subject

raien — 2006-12-06T08:12:24-05:00

Uhhh oh.... I spent a lot of money today....

...again.

no subject

raien — 2006-12-07T03:12:25-05:00

It is almost 4am.

I just finished section 2 of my paper.

Holy crap.

It's.... a little over 6 pages, 1.5 spaced. So like 4 single spaced pages. About...2800 words, I think.

Ah, yes. 2823 words to be exact.
Before proofreading.

And the first section is... 3994 words.

So I'm at... 6817 words.

That's a lot.

I don't know if you know just how many that it... but it's a lot.

A lot a lot.

And I'm only half done!

::tears::

I better get an A++++++

no subject

raien — 2006-12-07T02:12:33-05:00

ps. I got a 96 on my last French quiz. :)

I'm super psyched!

That puts my quiz average at like... 86.

My essay average is like... an A-

And I got at 80 on my midterm.

So if I get maybe... an 85... on my final, I'll get a B instead of a B-

I would be sooo thrilled!

no subject

raien — 2006-12-10T07:12:43-05:00

Matt, Andrew, Lauren, and Kyle were all supposed to visit me this weekend.

It was a big deal. I was really excited.

I bought 8 theatre tickets to High Fidelity for Saturday night; the five of us were going to go with Cat, Nick, and Maggie.

On Wednesday, Andrew backed out because he didn't want to see Matt.

Lauren wasn't sure if she could come up by herself, but then she said she could.

Friday night, maybe 9:00, she called and said she couldn't come.

Ok. Fine.

At about 11:00, Matt called and said he wasn't coming because he wanted to spend time with me and didn't want to be the third wheel with Kyle and I.

I am furious with him for the following reasons:

He was supposed to come Saturday night and leave Monday night, so he would have had me all to himself for most of Sunday and all of Monday. (Kyle and Lauren were going to leave at 5:00 Sun.)

He was never going to have any more "alone time" with me, because Lauren, Kyle, and Andrew were going to be here.

He hates that I have a boyfriend because I spend less time with him. Well, when he acts like a 5 year old, I'm not really that inclined to see him.

If he had maybe backed out a little earlier, instead of the middle of Friday night, maybe Lauren and Andrew could have come because the reason Andrew wasn't coming was Matt.

He is so fucking selfish.

This was supposed to be my weekend, them visiting me.

They've been planning it for weeks.

I let them choose the weekend, even though this wasn't a good weekend for me, because of exams.

I bought 8 tickets. Cat and Nick didn't even show up.

Maggie, Kyle, and I went.

It was a great show.

How dare Matt give me a hard time for having Kyle around?

At least he bothers to visit me when he says he will.

And all five of them had better pay for their tickets because I am not going to take a financial fall for this.

I made a ton of plans for this weekend.

I was so excited.

Fuck all of them for not caring about anyone but themselves.

no subject

raien — 2006-12-12T12:12:58-05:00

I am stress eating, but not bothered, because I am hungry.

I think salted peanuts and Doritos can get me through this paper.

no subject

raien — 2006-12-12T09:12:08-05:00

Just one more section to write, by 5:00 today.

no subject

raien — 2006-12-12T04:12:27-05:00

paper is finally finished.

an hour before it's due.

no subject

raien — 2006-12-13T07:12:36-05:00

I have so much work to do.

And I'm so sick.

no subject

raien — 2006-12-17T01:12:00-05:00

I'm at home for the weekend!

...But I have to go back to school tomorrow...

Bleh...

no subject

raien — 2006-12-17T05:12:21-05:00

i just got home and i'm already ready to leave

no subject

raien — 2006-12-18T03:12:48-05:00

Finished my English paper.

Now I just have to study for my final on Tuesday!

(FYI: I was *not* productive this weekend. Coming home was a bad idea.)

no subject

raien — 2006-12-20T11:12:10-05:00

home.

no subject

raien — 2006-12-27T02:12:47-05:00

An old friend of mine died tonight.

I hadn't spoken to him in months.

I guess I'm in shock.

It's not really real yet.

no subject

raien — 2006-12-27T05:12:27-05:00

I think everyone should consider the rammifications of suicide.

You don't hurt yourself.

You hurt the people you leave behind.

no subject

raien — 2006-12-29T03:12:49-05:00

It's a fucked up war.

I wish the politicians behind this mess could spend a few days in the soldiers' barracks.

Maybe they'd make different choices.

no subject

raien — 2006-12-29T05:12:15-05:00

I miss Kyle.

He doesn't get home until Sunday evening.

Meh.

no subject

raien — 2006-12-30T01:12:41-05:00

Work today.

Then work tomorrow.

Then New Year's celebration.

Then...who knows?

Maybe something exciting on Monday.

Or maybe work.

Who am I kidding?

no subject

raien — 2006-12-30T02:12:56-05:00

i really need to get ready for work

no subject

raien — 2006-12-30T06:12:43-05:00

bored at work.

no subject

raien — 2007-01-01T04:01:13-05:00

Sweet fucking New Years.

Sweet.

Oh how sweet.

no subject

raien — 2007-01-02T02:01:13-05:00

I spent New Years with my family.

The Fooliano family, of course. (And a few extras.)

Andrew Hall, Kyle, Emily Carson, Jeff Thomas, Molly Coombs, Matt Taylor, Mike Fritsch, KB, Mike Gardner, Brent, Michaela, K-Pack

And I got to see Lauren and Chad Jones

It was a fabulous night of bonding.

Ha ha- let me add something- so I rolled on three hits and would not keep my top on. I guess I was initially showing off my nip piercings... but then it just got excessive.

The entirety of Riva has seen my tits.

Oops!

It was an amazing night though.

These kids are my family.

no subject

raien — 2007-01-15T11:01:57-05:00

I leave for New York in 3 hours.

I am so sad.

no subject

raien — 2007-01-15T11:01:45-05:00

So so so so sad.

no subject

raien — 2007-01-15T08:01:54-05:00

Back at school.

Class tomorrow.

no subject

raien — 2007-01-17T03:01:41-05:00

I just found my $100 Statistics book for $50 used, but in 'like new' condition!

Yay!

An update on my life

raien — 2007-01-19T12:01:22-05:00

Well, second semester has officially started. I did pretty well first semester (A's in Political Theory, English Seminar, and Theatre and a B in French, so a 3.75 overall) and I hope I can do as well this time around. This semester I'm taking Intro to Macroeconomics, Intro to Statistics, Political Theory II, First Year English Writing, and Intermediate French II. I'm taking care of a lot of my general education requirements, so next year I can concentrate mostly on my major. (Political Science? Most likely.)

I really do like Barnard. It's a great school and I think I have the potential to make a lot of friends here. I just need to try harder. Spend less time in my room, visit people in their rooms... There are a lot of girls who I really like and they seem to like me. I just need to approach them. (Or maybe become more approachable?) Since I'm not a drinker, I'll never fit into the bar scene, but there are definitely other aspects of college life where I can meet people with similar interests.

I just got a job; I'm working at the Columbia University Student Calling Center. Basically I'm a telemarketer; I call alumni and harass them for money. I haven't started yet, but the training is next Thursday and Friday. It's $12.75 an hour, so I'm excited about that. I need to be making money and not spending so much of it. Last semester, I spent $5000. Five thousand dollars!!! Mostly on clothes and shoes and expensive dinners. I am ridiculous! This semester, I'm going to try to eat in the dining hall more and not buy luxuries. (Four hundred dollar sweaters are not necessary, even if they are cashmere! I don't need any more clothes!) I had about 80 meals left on my meal plan at the end of the semester- I think I started with 150- so I can definitely spend more time in Hewitt, even if the meals are occassionally...questionable. At least I worked at the hotel over break, so I made a few hundred dollars there. I'm hoping to increase my savings account by about $2000 by the end of the semester and then replenish the rest by the end of the summer, so I'll be back to $10,000. Hopefully. Not having money makes me nervous.

Kyle has exams next week, from Monday until Thursday, but then he has Friday and Monday off school. He's going to try and visit me, which would be really exciting. He'd get to stay for four nights! I wish I didn't have job training (Thursday from 7-9pm and Friday from 12-4pm), but there's nothing I can really do about it. Oh well. We'll still have lots of time! We'll have Friday after 9:00, Thursday after 4:00, all day Saturday and Sunday, and Monday until about 5:00. So much time! Yay! I had such a great time with him over winter break. He got me a gorgeous ring for Christmas. Maybe I'll post a picture. He's an amazing guy. I love him so much. It was so hard to say goodbye. He might go to school in Manhattan next year. I hope he gets in. We might even get an apartment together. That would be amazing. What an adventure, to have one's own home! He applied to City College, Hunter College, and Baruch College- all in the City- and they all have rolling admission. So he should know within the next couple of weeks. Exciting!

I have to cook tomorrow. (I have really left this to the last minute.) For CUE, the pre-orientation program I did before college, the leader application process involves cooking. In the past, leaders and CUErs cooked their own food. Now it's all prepared by the dining hall, but the application process still involves cooking. I'm going to make chicken alfredo and broccoli florettes with lemon and olive oil. I also have to fill out the entire application, which includes eight essays. Bummer. I really want to be a CUE leader though. It looks great on a resume and it's a lot of fun. Hopefully I'll get a spot. I think it's going to be really competitive though. :( Better write good essays! Looks like I'm going to have a busy Friday...

That's my life, so far.
Love.
Whitney.

no subject

raien — 2007-01-20T11:01:35-05:00

I live in New York City.

Sweet.

no subject

raien — 2007-01-21T03:01:03-05:00

I have so much work to do.

So so so much.

It's only the first week of school and I already feel behind. Balls.

I miss my boo.

no subject

raien — 2007-01-22T01:01:16-05:00

Kyle is coming this weekend! Yay!

If there's no school tomorrow (his high school, I mean), he'll have a four day weekend from Sat-Tues, so he can come for 4 nights and days! Yay!

(If he has school tomorrow then he will have from Fri-Tues off and he can't come until Friday night regardless because he has a denist appointment.)

I hear the snow is pretty bad so hope for no school!

I want to spend four whole nights with my boo! We're going to have soooo much fun!

I think I might get tickets for RENT. Or The Little Dog Laughed.

Can't decide.

And we might go look at his prospective colleges.

:)

I'm really happy right now.

I hope nothing happens to make me crash! That would suck!

no subject

raien — 2007-01-22T11:01:22-05:00

Well, they didn't cancel school.

So I only get to see Kyle for two and a half days.

Fuck this.

:(

no subject

raien — 2007-01-23T08:01:35-05:00

I think I might rush Alpha Delta Phi.

It's a co-ed fraternity.

Hmmmm.

A couple of my friends are in it.

We'll see.

My tummy hurts and I have a lot of work to do.

Balls.

no subject

raien — 2007-01-24T12:01:17-05:00

I have to go to Coachella 2007.

I HAVE to go.

Problems with this plan:

Coachella is in California.

Coachella is the weekend before final exams.

Plane tickets to California cost about $350.

Coachella tickets cost $250.

But I will go. I HAVE to. See why:

Friday, April 28

Bjork

Interpol

the Jesus and Mary Chain

Arctic Monkeys

Jarvis Cocker

Sonic Youth

Faithless

DJ Shadow

Peeping Tom

Brazilian Girls

Peaches

Felix Da Housecat

Rufus Wainwright

Stephen Marley featuring Jr. Gong

Nickel Creek

We Are Scientists

Digitalism

Tokyo Police Club

Comedians of Comedy

El-P

Julieta Venegas

Gogol Bordello

Circa Survive

Silverspun Pickups

Gillian Welch

Benny Benassi

Tilly & the Wall

David Guetta

Amy Winehouse

Noisettes

Evil Nine

Bus Driver

Brother Ali

Saturday, April 29

Red Hot Chili Peppers

the Arcade Fire

Tiesto

the Decemberists

the Good, The Bad and The Queen

Travis

Kings Of Leon

Gotan Project

the Rapture

LCD Soundsystem

Blonde Redhead

New Pornographers

the Black Keys

!!!

Regina Spektor

Hot Chip

MSTRKRFT

Ozomatli

Ghostface Killah

Fountains of Wayne

Jack's Mannequin

Peter, Bjorn & John

VNV Nation

Sparklehorse

Nightwatchman

Roky Erikson & the Explosives

Cornelius

CocoRosie

Andrew Bird

the Frames

the Fratellis

Justice

Pharoahe Monch

Fields

the Cribs

Girl Talk

Mike Relm

DJ Heather

Yeva

Pop Levi

Sunday, April 30

Rage Against The Machine !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Manu Chao Radio Bemba Sound System

Air

Happy Mondays

Willie Nelson

Paul Van Dyk

the Roots

Crowded House

Kaiser Chiefs

Damien Rice

Placebo

Explosions in the Sky

Konono No1

Richie Hawtin

Soul Wax

Infected Mushroom

Lily Allen

Amos Lee

Jose Gonzalez

Spank Rock

Rodrigo Y Gabriela

Against Me!

Ratatat

Junior Boys

the Feeling

the Kooks

CSS

Klaxons

Tapes & Tapes

Lupe Fiasco

Mando Diao

Teddybears

Grizzly Bear

Mika

the Coup

the Avett Bros.

Anathallo

Fair to Midland

Do you understand now?

no subject

raien — 2007-01-25T04:01:49-05:00

Major: Economics

Minor: Political Science

Goals: Graduate in 3 years without stressing too much

no subject

raien — 2007-01-26T01:01:51-05:00

I was pretty productive today.

Did my Econ homework (not due til Tuesday!).

Called the bank.

Dropped off both of my RA recommendation forms.

Finished my Stat homework.

Did TWO loads of laundry.

Went to class (well, I went to 2 out of 3, and that's pretty good).

Went to work (just for 2 hours, but $25 is $25).

Bought a book for Pol Theory.

Decided my major.

I got a lot done. Nice.

no subject

raien — 2007-01-26T08:01:48-05:00

I'm supposed to be at Open Mic Night for ADP right now.

But I'm not.

Jackie and Carling aren't going to be pleased. Oh well.

Hopefully I can still rush?

no subject

raien — 2007-01-29T02:01:00-05:00

Kyle just left.

I have exactly one hour to write a 2-page essay.

Damn.

But, on the bright side, I got a 100% on my first econ assignment.

no subject

raien — 2007-01-30T12:01:43-05:00

I turned my RA application in at about 3:55.
5 minutes before the office closed.
Nice.

Now I have until 4:00 to write a paper for English.
This is ridic.
And my to-do list is huge!

no subject

raien — 2007-01-30T02:01:44-05:00

Now I have an hour and a half to write a paper.

Ha ha ha.

I am DUMB.

no subject

raien — 2007-01-31T03:01:28-05:00

This is only the third week of school and I'm already behind!
How does this happen?!?

no subject

raien — 2007-01-31T11:01:03-05:00

no subject

raien — 2007-02-01T11:02:08-05:00

I'm trying to find a place to ride.

I miss it so much.

no subject

raien — 2007-02-02T01:02:59-05:00

Olympus Fashion Week...

HAS BEGUN!

(I've got invites to Venexiana and Nicole Romano so far.)

FASHION WEEK

raien — 2007-02-05T01:02:14-05:00

Venexiana: Eh. Okay. A lot of fur. Not much color. Kind of bland.

Nicole Romano: Not bad. Lots and lots of color. Pretty sexy. A little out there.

Tomorrow, we'll see what Jeremy Laing brings to the table...er, I mean brings to the runway.

no subject

raien — 2007-02-05T01:02:54-05:00

Watch this. And laugh.

no subject

raien — 2007-02-05T03:02:27-05:00

Why am I still awake when I know that I have to wake up at 8:00???

And why have I been doing nothing for the past three hours when I know that I have a French exam tomorrow?!?!

WHY!?!?!?

no subject

raien — 2007-02-05T05:02:20-05:00

My capsule about Venexiana.

By the way, Jeremy Laing was AMAZING.

no subject

raien — 2007-02-06T01:02:10-05:00

My capsule about Jeremy Laing.

My capsule about Nicole Romano. (The editor changed the last sentence and I really don't like it, but whatever.)

I love fashion week :)

no subject

raien — 2007-02-06T03:02:43-05:00

I showed my roommate some of my pictures that I took of runway shows and she was really freaked out by how skinny the models are.

"You can see all of their bones!"

Well...of course you can...they're runway models...that's what they look like.

Maybe I've just been desensitized.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I didn't go to Econ yesterday. And I didn't go to Stat or Political Theory today. This is not a habit I should develop.

no subject

raien — 2007-02-07T01:02:28-05:00

On Monday I skipped Econ.

On Tuesday I skipped Stat and Pol Theory.

Right now- as I type this- I'm skipping French.

...what the hell!?!?

I am commiting academic suicide!

no subject

raien — 2007-02-08T05:02:34-05:00

It's 5:30 am.

I probably still ahve two more hours of work.

Is this a joke?

no subject

raien — 2007-02-09T12:02:28-05:00

Guess who has tickets to see Snow Patrol and OK GO on March 27th at Madison Square Garden...

guess...

guess...

Me! And my roommate! Yes!

no subject

raien — 2007-02-12T03:02:35-05:00

I went home on Saturday to see Kyle's show. It was good. And I got to see all my friends! We had a bonfire... it was fun.

Then I spent the night at Kyle's house.

Then I left at like 1:00pm on Sunday... so I was at home for a grand total of 20 hours. Nice... $50 worth of bus tickets for a 20 hour visit. Oh well.

Last night I got my pledge bid from ADP! So I'm officially a pledge for the next 8 weeks... then, hopefully, I'll be inducted as a member! (If I don't get membership after this whole process, I am going to be upset.

We'll see!

Gotta run to Econ!

Love!

no subject

raien — 2007-02-13T12:02:36-05:00

I went to bed early (relatively early) last night so that I could go to all of my classes today.

I just fucking woke up.

I guess I shut off my alarm this morning instead of snoozing it. I am so fucking mad at myself.

I slept through Stat. I really don't understand what we're doing in that class right now and we have a test next class so I am probably fucked. Totally fucked.

And now I have to skip Political Theory, which I've only attended twice this semester, because I have an essay to finish writing that I was going to write.... while I was sleeping.

FUCK!

I cannot quite verbalize my frustration. I am really, really annoyed. I just ruined my whole week.

no subject

raien — 2007-02-13T06:02:58-05:00

I finished my English paper, about 3 minutes after class started.

I'm actually pretty pleased with the end result.

no subject

raien — 2007-02-14T11:02:21-05:00

Check out this best of show at Westminster.

Uh huh.

A springer spaniel. That's right.

Ohhh yeah.

no subject

raien — 2007-02-15T12:02:47-05:00

I told Kyle to hurry up and find out if he could go to Coachella or not...

I waited...

And waited...

And now the tickets are sold out, going for $1000 each.

So no Coachella.

Thanks Kyle.

no subject

raien — 2007-02-17T02:02:57-05:00

I had ADP initiation tonight.

Interesting. But I can't tell you anything about it... I've been sworn to secrecy :)

I have to wear my pledge pin at all times now. It will be hard not to forget it...

And the first pledge meeting is on Wednesday... the same night as the social change/entrepreneuership summit at NYU... dammit! Oh well... I really wanted to go to that summit though.

I applied to live in the Civic Engagement House next year. It's a group of ten girls who live together and basically do a lot of community service, plus a related internship in the spring. Will Simpkins runs it and he's basically my favorite person at Barnard.

Wish me luck!

no subject

raien — 2007-02-18T10:02:54-05:00

Sometimes I wish I could rewind my life and go back to a time when I never did drugs...

Doing drugs just makes you wish your life was like life on drugs all of the time.

Ignorance is bliss.

Well, drugs are bliss but comedown is a bitch.

.im.an.addict.oops.

no subject

raien — 2007-02-19T06:02:51-05:00

I'm just so friggin tired!

no subject

raien — 2007-02-19T11:02:13-05:00

Deviously stolen from wildearrows

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title to answer the questions. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you?
The Beatles- "There's A Place"

Will I have a happy life?
Mae- "We're So Far Away"

What do my friends really think of me?
Alice in Chains- "Man in the Box"   (....woman in the box?)

What do people secretly think of me?
Snow Patrol- "The Finish Line"

How can I be happy?
Nirvana- "Pen Cap Chew"

What should I do with my life?
Pavement- "Spit on a Stranger"   (Really?!?!)

What is some good advice for me?
Keller Williams- "In a Big Country"

How will I be remembered?
Reel Big Fish- "The Fire"

What is my signature dancing song?
Led Zeppelin- "In The Evening"

What do I think my current theme song is?
Pink Floyd- "Time"

What does every one else think my current theme song is?
Goo Goo Dolls- "I'm Addicted" (Bah ha ha ha!)

What song will play at my funeral?
Dashboard Confessional- "Again I Go Unnoticed" (I sure hope not...)

What type of men/women do you like?
Of Montreal- "In Dreams I Dance With You"

What is my day going to be like?
Radiohead- "Ripcord"

So.... most of those make no sense whatsoever.
Oh well.

At least it shows my impeccable taste in music!

no subject

raien — 2007-02-20T09:02:35-05:00

....So the English paper I spent all day writing and finished two minutes before class?

It wasn't due today.

Ha ha ha. My life is a sitcom.

shootmeplease

no subject

raien — 2007-02-22T12:02:00-05:00

I now have.... 4 hours before my Econ is due. Hah!

I am f.u.c.k.e.d.

Royally.

no subject

raien — 2007-02-22T06:02:57-05:00

ilovechickensalad

no subject

raien — 2007-02-26T08:02:52-05:00

Had a fun weekend at Tat's country house in Connecticut.

Went a little crazy.

Meant to go skiing... but it was too damn cold.

Watched movies instead: The Departed, Babel, Wet Hot American Summer, Requiem for a Dream, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, about two seasons of Sex and the City.

A good time.

no subject

raien — 2007-02-26T09:02:47-05:00

Soooo tired!

no subject

raien — 2007-02-27T10:02:27-05:00

So, it's official: Next year I will be living in Cathedral Gardens as a member of the Civic Engagement House!

Yay!

(I turned down the offer to be an RA.)

no subject

raien — 2007-02-28T03:02:10-05:00

I am sooo friggin busy.

I'm a little overwhelmed.

I hate midterms.

no subject

raien — 2007-03-02T03:03:28-05:00

http://www.briarose.org/theatre.html

no subject

raien — 2007-03-02T04:03:35-05:00

I finally sold my Of Montreal tickets.

Yay!

no subject

raien — 2007-03-03T10:03:43-05:00

I just got four pit tickets to see the Fray on June 28th.

Yay!

no subject

raien — 2007-03-04T02:03:10-05:00

drunkitydrunkdrunk

no subject

raien — 2007-03-05T12:03:58-05:00

There was a big sale at the Barnard store tonight.

"Midnight Madness" they call it.

I bought a new t-shirt, a pennant, and sweatpants...for only $30 total!

Yay for Barnard gear!

Love.

no subject

raien — 2007-03-05T03:03:06-05:00

Econ midterm in 13 hours.

FUCK.

no subject

raien — 2007-03-05T10:03:06-05:00

Econ midterm in 6 hours.

FUCK.

no subject

raien — 2007-03-05T12:03:56-05:00

Econ midterm in 3.5 hours.

FUCK.

no subject

raien — 2007-03-05T05:03:02-05:00

That was the hardest test I have ever taken.

Not so good.

And this is supposed to be my major?!

no subject

raien — 2007-03-07T02:03:11-05:00

My fucking hard drive crashed today.

All of my shit is GONE.

GONE GONE GONE.

Where the fuck did it go? Purgatory for ones and zeros???

FUCK.

no subject

raien — 2007-03-08T04:03:49-05:00

Wellll I just finished my paper for English. I think I spent more time revising this draft than I did writing the first one.

And it's so frustrating, because I know I won't get any higher than a B+. My professor doesn't believe in As...

"An A means there is no room for improvement... and there's always room for improvement..."

So hopefully I'll get a B+... I did a damn good job on it.

It's 5am and I haven't even started studying for my midterm tomorrow.... fuckkkk.

At least it will be over at 2:25 tomorrow.

My last midterm for the semester...

I get my stat midterm back tomorrow... we'll see...

no subject

raien — 2007-03-11T12:03:13-05:00

I am hommmmmme

no subject

raien — 2007-03-17T11:03:50-05:00

...spring break is over!!!

no subject

raien — 2007-03-18T10:03:12-05:00

Heading back to school today.

Work starts tomorrow...

balls.

no subject

raien — 2007-03-20T09:03:24-05:00

This evening, I decided to get high instead of writing my french essay.

It's due tomorrow.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Not really funny.

(I sound like an anti-drug commercial. Ridic.)

ps. My midterms were ok.

French C+ (but it doesn't really matter because I'm taking the class Pass/D/Fail)

Pol Theory A

Statistics A

Economics A-

English B+ (It was a paper, not an exam.)

no subject

raien — 2007-03-22T09:03:52-05:00

I now have tickets to see Third Eye Blind..... YAY!

no subject

raien — 2007-03-24T12:03:06-05:00

Soooo...

I went to go get my tattoo and the artist couldn't do it quite the way I wanted it...and one should never settle when it comes to tattoos...

soooo....

I got my tongue pierced.

no subject

raien — 2007-03-26T12:03:47-05:00

I will be finished with my first year of college on May 8, 2007.

Now the question is...
what to do this summer?

no subject

raien — 2007-03-26T02:03:08-05:00

I'm having an excellent day because I found a pair of beautiful, soft, comfortable leather flats in my size.

Gooooood.

no subject

raien — 2007-03-27T12:03:21-05:00

A quick update about my life:

I'm doing pretty well this semester, but I could be doing much better if I actually did work. Yeah, maybe I should try doing that.

I got my tongue pierced. I like it. It's still swollen, so I can't eat solid foods yet. And I have a really cute lisp. And by really cute I mean atrocious.

Kyle and I are still together. And I luuuurv him.

I am on a diet. And I am actually going to lose weight this time. Seriously. I will not be attending beach week festivities in this state!

I'm trying desperately to make summer plans. Where to go? What to do? How to fund it?!?!

I love ADP. I think pledging was a really good choice. I love the people. Speaking of ADP, I'm supposed to have a song memorized in Greek by tomorrow. Ha ha...oops.

My concert lineup for the next couple of months is AMAZING: Snow Patrol, Ok Go, Hellogoodbye, The Hush Sound, Paramore, The Almost, This Providence, Love Arcade, Third Eye Blind, The Upwelling, Ben Gibbard, The Fray... and these are just the shows I already have tickets for! Sweeeeet!

I am definitely thinking Econ will be my major. Fo sho. (I think.)

I bought new skinny jeans yesterday and they are fab. (This is really important. A very vital aspect of my life. Skinny jeans=intense love.)

I'm basically a happy camper. Things aren't perfect, but they could be a lot worse.

Love, Whitney

no subject

raien — 2007-03-27T04:03:12-05:00

Today was a BEAUTIFUL day.

I officially have a tan line ;)

no subject

raien — 2007-04-01T02:04:58-05:00

If I take Calc at the community college this summer, I'll have an 8am class 4 times a week (Mon-Thurs) from May 21st to July 12th.

I'm not sure if I can do that...

no subject

raien — 2007-04-02T11:04:29-05:00

The weather was so nice for a few days...

...and now it's so shitty!

Bahhhh!

no subject

raien — 2007-04-02T12:04:45-05:00

fuck the entire french language and all of its subsidiaries

Piercings!

raien — 2007-04-02T08:04:53-05:00

Sooooo here are some of my piercings...

Nostril, tongue, tragus, three lobes on each side (6 total), outer helix, conch...

It's kind of an addiction.

Oops :)

no subject

raien — 2007-04-03T02:04:32-05:00

I have a research paper due tomorrow at 4:00.

I haven't even read the novel, let alone done the research.

I am fucked.

I *hate* my first-year English class.

fuckthisshit

Vincent

raien — 2007-04-03T02:04:11-05:00

I bought a bonsai tree today.

He's a Ponytail Palm.

I named him Vincent. (Vincent is my best friend Matthew's middle name.)

My new goal in life: Don't kill Vincent.

no subject

raien — 2007-04-04T12:04:40-05:00

Whhhhhhhyyyyyy.....

do I procrastinate so much?!

no subject

raien — 2007-04-07T02:04:20-05:00

I’m from the quiet suburb of Annapolis, Maryland. I lived there my entire life until I left for college in the Big Apple. My mother is from England and my father is from Oklahoma. I wish I had more of a “multicultural” identity, but I’ve had to find my identity elsewhere. I’m intensely passionate about music, dance, and theatre and I’ve really tried to incorporate my love of the arts into my new life at Barnard.

I have one sibling- a little brother (but I suppose he’s not little anymore- he’s 15). I really love my family and I miss them so much now that I’m at college. I miss my dog a lot too. (I come from a long line of dog-obsessed individuals.) We do fun stuff together as a family- we’ve never really gone on relaxing beach vacations… we’re more prone to “hike 20 miles into the forest and get chased by bears” vacations. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Speaking of vacations, I love to travel. I know that everyone says they love to travel, but it’s one of the most important parts of my life. I think journeys are very important- I’d rather spend a week driving to California than take a plane. Why fly over a beautiful country when you can take your time and see new things along the way? So far, I’ve been to England, France, the Bahamas, Belize, and most of the United States. I’ve really explored these countries; I’ve spent a lot of time outside of the major cities, seeing places that most tourists never bother to see. I love Yellowstone National Park and the south of France. My next trip: hopefully Thailand or Italy.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Barnard, but occasionally I feel like I might be happier at another school. It’s taken me a little while to adjust and I was pretty homesick first semester. I guess everyone feels that way sometimes, but I think I have a lot more insight into my own identity now than I did a year ago. That’s good, though. Maybe I would choose a school differently now, but maybe not. I have no regrets. I’ve made some amazing friends here and learned a lot (not just inside the classroom). And it is pretty fabulous to be in New York City.

When I left high school, I thought I would be an English or History major- something in the humanities. I’ve always loved to write and I’ve always loved to learn about the past. I never would have guessed that I would fall in love with economics. I really enjoy it- it’s fascinating to me. Math was never my strongest subject, but now that I can apply it to economics and the world around me I’m beginning to get used to it- I might even go as far as to say that I like it!

Now I want to be involved in business- I’m not sure how, but I know I’ll figure it out. There are just so many possible fields to get into and I’m in no rush to decide. I’d like to do something incredible right after college- I’ve been seriously considering serving in the Peace Corps.

As for now, I’m trying to stay busy. I’m involved in First-Year Reach-Out (a civic engagement/community service program), the Emerging Leaders Program (a leadership organization for freshmen), the Columbia newspaper (I write for Arts & Entertainment), and Alpha Delta Phi (a literary society). The ADP members have kind of become my replacement family and it’s great to have so many friends with common interests. Next year, I’ll be one of eleven members of the Civic Engagement House, a program where Barnard students live together and explore community issues and politics in New York City. I’m also applying to be a Well-Woman peer educator and a committee member for McAC (an organization that plans events for students).

On a Friday night, you might find me at a Broadway show or listening to someone play guitar at the ADP house. Sometimes I stay in the dorms and just talk with my friends. I’m really social and I love deep conversations- the kind of conversations that most people are hesitant to start. It never hurts to discuss the things that we are most afraid of. (What really happens when we die? Is capitalism really working? What about global warming? How does race define us? Can they make financial aid work for everyone?)

One day, I’m sure I’ll find some answers. I’ll figure out exactly what to do with my life and maybe I’ll change the world. Until then, I’m in no hurry. I’ll just keep asking questions.

no subject

raien — 2007-04-07T06:04:22-05:00

I discovered a new talent!

I am ace at rolling blunts.

Who knew?

no subject

raien — 2007-04-08T08:04:39-05:00

I have a lot of work to do.

But I am too too too too too tired.

no subject

raien — 2007-04-10T12:04:58-05:00

just one half of a superbly rolled joint...

...and I am ~~railed~~

no subject

raien — 2007-04-12T02:04:56-05:00

I went to the vending machines in the basement and bought a pack of Twizzlers. I thought it was a 5-pack.

I get up to my room...open it...and it's a 10-pack!

best. moment. of. my. life.

blazed

no subject

raien — 2007-04-13T01:04:26-05:00

Sooo I had my job interview today for the Supervisor position at work.

I think it went pretty well, but three other callers have also applied for the position.

And the process isn't anywhere near finished- I have a problem solving set that I'm working on now (six possible workplace scenarios that I have to develop solutions for) and then next week, each of the four applicants have to run a "practice shift" where they serve as the supervisor.

I don't think we find out the final decision until April 22nd. (Which I guess isn't really that far away, but it seems like a long time.)

If I get the job, I'll be making $15 per hour. Plus, it will look really good on a resume to have a Supervisor position, especially if I keep the job for a year or more.

And I'll be working between 15 and 20 hours per week (I only work 9 now), which is $225 to $300 per week.

Pretty sweet.

no subject

raien — 2007-04-14T07:04:13-05:00

I hate it when people (mostly high school girls and some college girls who had no right to graduate high school in the first place) take pictures at parties...and in every picture is a beer can, a shot glass, or a bottle of liquor clutched tightly against their faces.

It's like....
Ok, so we know you're at party with alcohol.
Cool.
Ok, so fine. I get it. You're Cool.
Really cool...
Because you have alcohol...
Ok, keep trying to prove you're cool.
Right.

And that's what it is.

I mean, when the person in the picture is holding a beer, or if there are bottles on the counter, that's fine. It becomes a problem when some container of booze is the main focus of every picture!

Gahhhh!

no subject

raien — 2007-04-15T03:04:44-05:00

I have so much work to do.

So so so so so much.

This fucking sucks.

And the weather is disgusting.

no subject

raien — 2007-04-16T02:04:54-05:00

21 students killed at Virginia Tech.

Biggest school shooting in US History.

FUCK.

no subject

raien — 2007-04-16T11:04:08-05:00

Academically,

I am FUCKED.

no subject

raien — 2007-04-23T06:04:00-05:00

I didn't get a position as a Well Woman Peer Educator :(

I'm also applying to be Sophomore Class Rep, but I'm not sure if the council even got my application (I just got an email saying my file didn't open...)

Last night I went to the worst concert EVER

And, to top it off, here's my week:

Tuesday: Stat quiz and two homework assignments due. Really really need to study. Also, English research paper due- have not done it yet!!!

Wednesday: French quiz... I don't speak French! I need a C in the class! 10am nutritionist appointment, then a therapy session at 3pm... no time for this!

Thursday: 8am Civic Engagement House meeting (8am!!!!)

Friday: Walking tour of Harlem, then ADP initiation test... there is sooo much to learn for this! Fuck!

Then finals start in like a week! Ahhhhh!!!

balls balls balls

no subject

raien — 2007-04-24T01:04:42-05:00

I got the position as Sophomore Class Rep

And I got the position as a Supervisor at the Calling Center

But... this paper... not so good

why.am.i.so.overwhelmed.
why.am.i.so.overwhelmed.
why.am.i.so.overwhelmed.
why.am.i.so.overwhelmed.
why.am.i.so.overwhelmed.
why.am.i.so.overwhelmed.
why.am.i.so.overwhelmed.
why.am.i.so.overwhelmed.

no subject

raien — 2007-04-24T05:04:58-05:00

Who loves all nighters?

I know I sure as hell do.

Yup, I love staying up all night and feeling like shit for the next couple of days.

Oh yeah, I love it.

Love love love.

That's what I'm feeling right now.

Love. Exactly.

(But at least the paper is coming along...)

no subject

raien — 2007-04-25T09:04:36-05:00

Uhhhh so I didn't get the Class Rep position...

Thanks SGA, for being total fuck ups and sending out duplicate emails.

Now I have NOTHING for next year.

Fuck Barnard.

no subject

raien — 2007-04-27T01:04:02-05:00

my mind is kindo fo fuzzy and i am nit su e=r

anhgdih

hsi===

hji jjad

hikai

hiautyu

hsinfj''

haiku
so hurt o write "haiku:ikg"

haiku

no subject

raien — 2007-04-28T04:04:10-05:00

I am officially a member of the Alpha Delta Phi.

Sweet ass.

no subject

raien — 2007-05-04T01:05:30-05:00

In my opinion, when attending a semi-formal/formal event, one should wear a funky, trendy dress and a classic, elegant hairstyle, rather than a classic, elegant dress and a funky, trendy hairstyle.

The contrast is very pleasing.

This is only my opinion.

(I think my prom attire from last year demonstrates this idea.)

xoxo Whitney

no subject

raien — 2007-05-04T03:05:45-05:00

A huge part of me wants to stay in New York this summer...

no subject

raien — 2007-05-05T02:05:18-05:00

I am going on a road trip this summer.

My journey will be logged on Mindsay.

It is going to be so fucking sweet.

no subject

raien — 2007-05-06T10:05:09-05:00

ECON exam tomorrow, 4-7pm

STAT exam Tuesday, 9am-12pm

POL THEORY exam Tuesday, 1-4pm

Fuck. I am not doing so hot.

no subject

raien — 2007-05-07T10:05:20-05:00

In 29 Hours I Will Be Done With Exams! (And Done With My First Year Of College!)

no subject

raien — 2007-05-07T01:05:45-05:00

27 hours!

[oh.dear]

no subject

raien — 2007-05-07T03:05:39-05:00

25 hours!

no subject

raien — 2007-05-07T08:05:15-05:00

Sadly, Econ kicked my ass.

Damn.

20 hours left...

no subject

raien — 2007-05-08T12:05:29-05:00

Stat kicked my ass.

This is not good.

Just one more.

One more.

I'll be done...in...three...hours...

Stressed to the max,
Whitney

no subject

raien — 2007-05-08T04:05:09-05:00

I am doneeeeee.

Thank God.

no subject

raien — 2007-05-08T11:05:38-05:00

Political theory was actually better than expected.

So, cool.

But the rest of them....
I guess I'll find out soon!

no subject

raien — 2007-05-13T02:05:33-05:00

I don't think I can stay at home this summer...

I can't live with my parents anymore.

It's just too much.

no subject

raien — 2007-05-15T11:05:26-05:00

I did some body modifying today ;)

I changed the stud in my nose to a ring

I put a shorter bar in my tongue

I gauged the first lobe holes in each of my ears from a 20 to a 14 (My goal is to reach a 6 gauge...eventually)

Yay!

Future (hopefully near future...once I'm working and earning money) mods: Septum and suicide in my left ear

Sweeeet ass

no subject

raien — 2007-05-16T11:05:53-05:00

My grades from this semester are the worst grades I've ever had in my life.

no subject

raien — 2007-05-16T02:05:08-05:00

First good news in a while:

I got my job back full time at the hotel.

Sweet.

I was really afraid I'd only get 3 or 4 shifts per week.

This is good.

It means I won't be so broke.

(Maybe I'll get a job at a restaurant/bar one night a week so I can save the rest of my money and just spend the tips I earn.)

no subject

raien — 2007-05-22T11:05:54-05:00

I don't mind having a job... as long as I'm getting paid :)

Working at the hotel is really easy and the shifts are eight hours long, so I can make about $400 a week after taxes if I work full time.

I desperately need to replenish my savings account.

no subject

raien — 2007-05-30T01:05:37-05:00

I'm only working 22 hours at the hotel this week... I was only working for 8 hours (2 shifts), but I told my boss I had to have more hours.

I think I'm going to apply for a job at Hot Topic :X

The store's image has changed a lot. It's much less... scary now.

We'll see I guess. If the pay is really awful I won't take it.

no subject

raien — 2007-06-01T01:06:02-05:00

Whitney is going to the 20th Annual Cannabis Cup in Amsterdam.

She has a Judge's pass.

And she's fucking psyched.

Eep! I've been tagged!

raien — 2007-06-05T08:06:54-05:00

I was tagged by wylddaze

Instructions: Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things about you (him/herself?). People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog. No tagbacks.

Here are six weird things about me...

1. My second toe is about half an inch longer than my first toe. (On both feet.)

2. I'm not a picky eater at all, but I hate mushrooms and olives.

3. I have thirteen body piercings.

4. I love, love, love, love chicken salad. (But I prefer it with only a little bit of mayo and big chunks of chicken- Whole Foods has the best. I am really eager to try Wendy's new Chicken Salad Frescata sandwich. I hope it's good...)

5. I smoke pot every day. (I don't know if that's weird or not.)

6. I travel internationally a lot, but I've never been to Canada.

I had a really hard time thinking of six weird things. Maybe I'm not that weird?

Or maybe my brain is just slow at 9am.

Yup. I bet that's it.

no subject

raien — 2007-06-07T12:06:59-05:00

I would like to marry Shaun White.

That is all.

I am bored bored bored at work.

raien — 2007-06-07T07:06:39-05:00

(Mercilessly blognapped from logicgurl)

01. Who's #1 on your top 8?
I don't have a MySpace.

02. Have you ever smoked?
Cigarettes or weed? I don't smoke cigarettes... but I do smoke pot... every day... more or less... usually more :)

03. Do you own a gun?
No. No. No.

05. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Yeah... I have to step on a scale :(

06. What do you think of hot dogs?
They're ok occasionally. Not my favorite.

07. What's your favorite Christmas song?
Jingle Bells, maybe? I don't know if I have a favorite.

08. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
I love tea. Coffee is good too.

09. Can you do push ups?
Yes... but I try to avoid it.

10. Is your bathroom clean?
Yes.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
All thirteen of the rings and studs that I have pierced my body with ;)

12. Do you take pain killers?
No.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
I'm not so good at luring the opposite sex.

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
No.

15. What's your name?
Whitney.

16. Middle Name?
Carol. (I also have an "M". Whitney Carol M Hoot. The "M" was put there for my grandparents' last name, Maile. My mum is an only child and she is the last member of the Maile family.)

17. Name 3 things you're thinking about at this exact moment?
1) I really, really need to lose weight. The beach will not be fun next week.

2) I want to get my ears gauged tomorrow... but I desperately need to come up with some funds.

3) Do I need to transfer to Cornell to get a degree in hotel management or should I just stay at Barnard and get my liberal arts degree?

18. Name the last 2 things you have bought.
A swimsuit (a one-piece...now I'm too fat for a bikini) and a tank of gas.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
Diet Pepsi, Diet Dr. Pepper, Diet Moutain Dew.

22. Current worry?
Being fat for the rest of my life.

23. Current hate?
I hate being broke!

24. Favorite places to be?
New York City or sitting on Andrew's porch.

25. How did you bring in the New Year?
I was at Andrew's house... rolling my nuts off on three hits of Ecstasy... and I kept flashing everyone. Oi.

26. Where would you like to go?
To Amsterdam for the Cannabis Cup... and I'm going!

27. Do you own slippers??
Yes, but I never wear them.

28. What shirt are you wearing?
A blue plaid button-up and a black suit jacket... my work uniform.

30. Favorite color(s)?
Yellow!

31. Would you be a pirate?
I don't really like stealing...or killing people...so probably not. But I bet it would be a thrill.

32. Are you gay?
No.

33. Do you sing in the shower?
Rarely. I dance when I'm sitting in the car listening to music though.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Trolls... I saw the movie "Trolls" when I was like four and for the longest time I thought a troll was going to grab me as I got into bed... so I always took a running-jump.

35. What's in your pockets right now?
A list of movies I want to see and a list of classes I might take next semester. What can I say, I like lists.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
I had Beatrice Potter sheets... they were pink and featured Peter Rabbit and his friends.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Broken tail bone, I guess.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Two. One in the Media Room and a tiny one in the home gym. My parents aren't big on television.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
Probably Molly.

42. Who is your most silent friend?
Definitely Brent.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?

I don't think so. Not really.

45. What is your favorite book?
I love, love, love The Cider House Rules by John Irving.

46. What is your favorite candy?
I like most candy... I love Swedish Fish and Cadbury chocolate.

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
I have no clue. Maybe I'll never get married. Who knows.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Ummm... I have no idea.

49. What were you doing @ 11 PM last night?
Jump-starting my car, lol.

50. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?
My covers stayed on the bed. Yay!

no subject

raien — 2007-06-07T10:06:58-05:00

The piercings I want:

Stretch my lobes to a 6g

Septum

Something on my left ear to balance it... maybe a rook (or if I'm adventurous, a suicide)

Sternum (I really need to think about this...the rejection rate is high...)

Maybe another lobe piercing (this would be my fourth)

The tattoos I want:

Large owl on my left shoulder

Maryland crab on my lower back/right butt cheek

"In wildness is the preservation of the world" on my right foot

Now I just need some $$$$$$

Bored at work [again]

raien — 2007-06-08T09:06:23-05:00

Blognapped from wylddaze

If you get more than 30 you're paranoid.
If you get 10 or less you're fearless.
I Fear...

[x] the dark
[ ] staying single forever
[ ] being a parent
[ ] giving birth
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[x] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[ ] black cats
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[x] spiders
[ ] driving or being in cars
[ ] flying
[ ] flowers or other plants
[ ] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[x] the ocean
[ ] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends/spouse's dad
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends/spouse's mom
[ ] mice/rats
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] death
[ ] Heaven
[ ] being robbed
[ ] cotton balls
[ ] cemeteries
[ ] clowns
[ ] large crowds
[ ] men
[ ] women
[ ] having great responsibility
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[ ] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[ ] diseases
[ ] snakes
[x] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains or railroads
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[ ] being alone
[ ] being blind
[ ] being deaf
[ ] growing up
[ ] monsters under my bed
[x] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[ ] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood
[ ] veins
[ ] dinosaurs if they were alive (but they're not...so how is this relevant?)
[ ] the welcome mat
[ ] sex

Total: 7

I guess I'm fearless?

Sweet.

On the downside, I have a bandaid on my left middle finger because I cut myself why shaving this morning and it's making it very difficult to type.

[Note: I was not shaving my finger...I was shaving my legs. Only I could cut my finger while trying to shave my legs...]

no subject

raien — 2007-06-09T01:06:48-05:00

I am dyeing my hair red [as we speak]

no subject

raien — 2007-06-11T07:06:07-05:00

I am tired.

no subject

raien — 2007-06-16T02:06:47-05:00

Just got back from beach week.

I am burnt out.

no subject

raien — 2007-06-24T04:06:50-05:00

Here's a brief showcase of my new (reddish) hair and a few of my piercings... I've been promising to post pics for ages. Also, I've included a couple of other pics, just for my (and/or your) amusement.

1. Me, bored at work.

2. Me...bored at work.

3. Me...stoned.

4. At the Met, pretending to be a fish.

5. Kyle's prom

no subject

raien — 2007-06-26T12:06:39-05:00

I love having long hair!

I'm really happy with my hair right now, which is unusual because I normally don't like it.

I need a trim though.

Maybe I can get my mommy to pay for it :)

no subject

raien — 2007-06-26T01:06:41-05:00

I love my new layout ;)

Just some random pics of me

raien — 2007-06-26T01:06:28-05:00

I reposted these as pic files instead of just inserting them into the entry because they were all stretched out... so sorry if you've seen them already.

I posted a couple other ones, just in case ;)

no subject

raien — 2007-06-29T02:06:27-05:00

I think I am going to get a tattoo of the outline of the state of Maryland... I have so much Maryland pride. It's the best state EVER. Word.

I got drunk tonight. Tighttttttt. I never drink..... so it was funnnnn.

Also, OK Go and The Fray were so fucking tight.

But greasy food make my tummy hurt :(

no subject

raien — 2007-07-01T07:07:04-05:00

It's my birrrrrthday!

no subject

raien — 2007-07-03T01:07:25-05:00

I mercilessly blognapped this quiz from logicgurl

1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
I have this wide, flat scar on the underside of my left wrist... I was tubing a few years ago and I wiped out rather dramatically. My arm hit the rope and I got awful, awful rope burn. It's a sweet scar though.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
A mural with fairies, cats, birds, scenery, etc. My bulletin board, some pictures... The mural is kind of childish (it was painted when I was about 8), but I can't imagine painting over it...

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
Very boring. It's not fancy. I think it's Motorola. It's grey.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?

Good music.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
About 1:00am on July 1, 1988.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
To not be broke. I'm constantly worried about money.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?

My college friends. Being in love.

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
Spring.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?

Sometimes, especially at the mall.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED OF THE DARK?

Yeah, I'm really scared of the dark. I don't know why. It's pretty irrational.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?

Coco Mademoiselle by Chanel... it's great.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?

If I had to pick? Probably dark brown and curly.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?

I have no idea. Hopefully somewhere fun.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?

Coffee. I don't drink it everyday, but I do like it.

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Hmmm...if calories didn't count? I would eat the Reese's peanut butter ice cream in the freezer. It's amazing. But I'm on a diet, so nice ice cream for me. Sucks.

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?

My (ex)best friend Lauren.

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?

No. I speak a little French. I really like the idea of speaking a foreign language, but I'm not really willing to put in the effort.

22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY?

I like everybody!

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?

Nah.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?

Ummm... I really like Urban Outfitters and Anthropologie. But I don't have a favorite. I'll wear anything that looks good and feels good.

27. WHAT IS ONE OF YOUR DREAMS?

Last night I dreamed that I tamed the kittens living in my shed. There really are kittens living in my shed, but I don't think I will ever be able to tame them.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?

Tell them, straight-up. No bull shit. Even if you know that you mean a lot to someone, it makes a huge difference to actually hear it. Oh, and when you say it, you have to really mean it.

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN?

Maybe Kyle. Or Andrew.

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?

Girls. And people who are irresponsible.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?

Yeah, sure. That was funny back in middle school, I think. I have done some drunk/high dialing though.

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?

I was at my pottery class... which is fucking great, by the way.

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Liposuction, I guess. If I could afford it. As long as plastic surgery turns out well, then there's no problem, but I sure as fuck don't want to end up looking like Tara Reid.

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?

Because I haven't posted a blog in a long time.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?

I don't know. Nothing really.

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?

I'd smoke pot instead. Oh wait... I already do that. Sweet. I really don't drink very often. I could live without it.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?

None. Zero. Absolutely no children, please.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Nope.

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
What an odd question... I don't have a favorite.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

I don't really like lunch meat. I do like pepperoni though. And that can be gooooood on a sammich.

52. ANY BAD HABITS?

Yes. Snacking, procrastinating, wasting time...

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Yeah. I think I'm pretty cool.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?

I rarely get angry. Anger=Drama and I am drama-free.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?

I had a home-made stuffed rabbit named Violet and a turquoise hippo named Ruthie. I carried them around until they fell apart.

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Uh...no. Why, no I don't. Why would I use sarcasm? It's not like it's one of the greatest humor techniques in the English language or anything....

(Get it?)

73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?

Four, I think. They want to take them out, but they don't hurt so I'm in no rush.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

The breeze outside. And I can hear an airplane flying overhead.

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?

A wrap with artichoke hearts and sprouts and a bunch of grapes.

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Smile. I really value a good smile.

80. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG?

Where Is My Mind by the Pixies

88. SIBLINGS?

One younger brother. He's 15.

90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
I fucking love it.

99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?

Nothing right now... I don't read much anymore :( But I'm about to start Ender's Game. I got it for my birthday and I've heard good things.

Another survey...

raien — 2007-07-03T02:07:12-05:00

Blognapped from callie69

I've had 108 out of 133 life experiences.

Level 1
( ) I had an asthma attack
(x) Smoked A Cigarette
(x) Smoked A Cigar
(x) Drank Alcohol
(x) Been In Love
(x) Been Dumped
(x) Been Fired

( ) Been In A Fist Fight
(x) Snuck Out Of A Parent's House

total: 7

Level 2
(x) Had Feelings For Someone Who Didn't Have Them Back
(x) Been Arrested/Seen Someone You Know Get Arrested
( ) Made Out With A Stranger
(x) Gone Out On A Blind Date (group dates)
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped School
(x) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die

total: 14

Level 3
(x) Been On A Plane
(x) Thrown Up From Drinking
(x) Eaten Sushi
(x) Been Snowboarding
( ) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Myspace
(x) Been Mosh Pitting
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Love(d)or Lust(ed) Someone Who You Can't Have
(x) Been in a BAD relationship

total: 22

Level 4
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(x) Made A Snow Angel
(x) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
(x) Gone Puddle Jumping
(x) Played Dress Up
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(x) Gone Sledding
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game

total: 32

Level 5
(x) Been Lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/School
(x) Used A Fake / Someone Else's ID
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise
( ) Felt An Earthquake
(x) Kissed A Snake
(x) Been Tickled
( ) Been Robbed / Vandalized
( ) Robbed Someone
(x) Been Misunderstood

total: 39

Level 6
( ) Pet A Deer

(x) Won A Contest
(x) Been Suspended
( ) Had Detention
(x) Been In A Car/ Motorcycle Accident
(x) Had / Have Braces
(x) Liked a guy/girl with a girl/boyfriend
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Had deja vu
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Hated The Way You Look

total: 48

Level 7
(x) Witnessed A Crime
(x) Questioned Your Heart
( ) Been obsessed with post-it-notes
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(x) Been Lost
(x) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(x) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep

total: 56

Level 8
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't

(x) Made Prank Phone Calls
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(x) Kissed In The Rain
(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(x) Been Kissed Under A Mistletoe

total: 65

Level 9
(x) Watched The Sun Set With Someone You Care / Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach
(x) Crashed A Party
( ) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey
(x) Worn Pearls
( ) Jumped Off A Bridge

total: 72

Level 10
( ) Screamed "bwomp" In Class
(x) Swam With Dolphins
(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole / Freezer/Ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
(x)Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
( ) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
( ) Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) Stayed Up All Night

total: 78

Level 11
( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree

(x) Climbed A Tree
(x) Had / Been In A Tree House
(x) Have been/Are scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone
( ) Seen a Ghost
(x) Have/Had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes or Flip Flops
(x) Gone streaking
( ) Been to/Visited Someone At a Jail
(x) Played Chicken
(x) Been Pushed Into A Pool With All Your Clothes On

Total: 85

Level 12
(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
(x) Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused
(x) Caught A Fish
(x) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Get Stung By a Bee
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed
(x) Mooned / Flashed Someone
(x) Had someone Moon / Flash You

total: 95

Level 13
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name
(x) Slept Naked
(x) French braided someones hair or tried to
(x) Gone Skinny Dippin In A pool (hot tub?)
( ) gotten kicked out of your house
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
(x) Been Scuba-Diving / Snorkeling

total: 102

Level 14
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs
( ) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone
( ) Been shot at with a real gun
( ) Flattened someone’s tires
(x) Drove in a car until the gas light came on
(x) Got five dollars or less and bought something

Total: 108 Life Experiences

Another survey...

raien — 2007-07-04T11:07:26-05:00

Borrowed from logicgurl

1. How old will you be in 12 months?
20 years old....hmmm. Wow. This is my last year as a teenager!
2. Do you think you'll be married by then?
Definitely, definitely not.
3. What do you look forward to most in the next 3 months?
My trip to Belize and going back to college.
4. Who was the last person you called?
My manager.
5. Who was the last person to call you?
My assistant manager.
6. Do you prefer to call or text?
Depends. Usually I like to call, but if I don't want to talk, I'll text.
7. Do you have any pets?
A cat, a rabitt, and a dog. But my only pet during the school year is my bonsai tree, Vincent.
8. What were you doing at 12am last night?
On my way to a party.
9. Parents seperated/divorced/married
Still happily married, as far as I know.

10. When is the last time you saw your dad?
Right before I left for work at like 2:30pm.

11. What happened at 11:00a.m.?
I was still asleep.
12. How many states have you visited?
Ummm... a lot. I am not going to count.

13. How many cities/towns have you lived in?
Three- Birmingham, England; New York, NY; and Annapolis, MD.
14. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
I like my flats... I don't wear socks with them.
15. Are you a social person?
I like to hang out with my friends. But I generally don't like to mingle with strangers.
16. What was the last thing you ate?
A chicken wrap and celery sticks.
17. Favorite ice cream?
Any kind. I really like peanut butter and strawberry (but not together).
18. What is your favorite dessert?
Ummmm. Something yummy.
19. What is your favorite TV show?
I don't watch much TV. I like CSI, Law and Order SVU, That 70s Show, Family Guy, Weeds, and the Simpsons. But I just watch whatever's on.
20. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
Anything. I like unique combos.
21. Do you like coffee?
Yes.
22. How many glasses of water a day do you drink on average?
Lately, 8-10. I've been drinking more because it's so healthy.
23. What do you drink in the morning?
Water.
24. Would you rather kiss someone with or without a tongue ring?
Well I have a tongue ring. So whenever I kiss there's a tongue ring involved. And as far as I'm concerned, the more the merrier.
25. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
In my bed I sleep on the side closest to the door.
26. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes.
27. Do you like to cuddle?
Sometimes. I'm not really touchy-feely.
28. Any Plans for this weekend?
Going to NYC for Live Earth! Woo hoo!
29. Do you eat out or at home more often?
I eat out more... it's so expensice though.
32. Would you ever get your nipples pierced?
Ha ha. Been there, done that, have them under the t-shirt :)
34. Have you ever been in an ambulance?
Nope.
35. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
The ocean.
36. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?
Either. Just not the middle...
37. Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
Nope.
38. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?

Piercings? Clothes? Food? Going out? Travelling? Concert tickets? I spend my money on whatever I want to spend it on. I don't have a favorite.
39. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
Lots. All of my piercings and a hemp necklace.
40. Do you speak any other language?
Nope.
41. Can you roll your tongue?
Yes.
42. Who is the funniest person you know?
Andrew.
43. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Sometimes.
44. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
A song by Hellogoodbye.
45. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
My mom probably does.
46. What is the color of your bedroom walls?
Red.
47. Do you shut off the water when you brush your teeth?
Yes.
48. Are you crushing on someone right now?
I'm always crushing on somebody. Isn't everybody?
49. Are you currently in a relationship?
Nope.
50. Do you currently hate someone?
Nope.

no subject

raien — 2007-07-08T08:07:49-05:00

Live Earth was AMAZING.

no subject

raien — 2007-07-13T12:07:36-05:00

I just got paiiiiid.

I am trying to rebuild my savings account.

Slowly but surely.

no subject

raien — 2007-07-16T11:07:32-05:00

I desperately need a hair cut.

But I don't want to pay for an expensive one.

And I'm freaked out by cheap cuts.

So that's my dilemma.

Whitnasty and DeVore

raien — 2007-07-20T12:07:08-05:00

Andrew DeVore is one of my favorite people. I would probably marry him if he asked me.

no subject

raien — 2007-07-22T06:07:21-05:00

I am so so so bored at work. So bored. I want to go home. But I'm stuck here for 4.5 more hours. My shift isn't even half over! Balls. And I was supposed to go out to lunch with a friend this morning, but I never got a hold of her. I called her a couple of times and put off going to the gym, so I ended up not getting lunch or a workout. Poo. I am not in a good mood.

But my new 8g lobes are looking mighty sexy, if I do say so myself.

Instead of doing work, because there's really none to do, I've been shopping online, looking for decor for my new apartment. I am super psyched. I already bought this sweet wall tapestry and a throw for my bed. I think I'm going to go ahead and use my white comforter, turquioise sheets, and salmon towels from last year. I hope that I have some time next weekend to do some yard sale hunting. I'm looking for some lamps, art, picture frames, throw pillows, a mirror, etc. I think I might buy some of those Chinese paper lanterns or a decorative chandelier. I need kitchen stuff too. Fun fun fun! I really like shopping for home stuff. And I'm really excited to have such a tight place next year... Hopefully the other girls in my suite will be tight.

I can't believe that I have to work for two more straight days, but then at least I get three days off. I have a shitload of stuff to do though. On Wednesday I think I'm going to do some painting in the basement, then it'll be time for wing night. On Thursday my mum offered to take me to a business conference and she'll pay me for the whole day. Then on Friday I think I'll go to Towson (finally) to see if I can get rid of any of my junk at that consignment store. So much for my mini vacation. I thought about going out of town for a couple of days, but it doesn't look like that will be happening. Oh well. At least I will get some shit done. And earn some money.

My Ideal Man

raien — 2007-07-24T03:07:33-05:00

Now, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I don't want you to think that I'm super picky or shallow or anything like that. I'm just saying, if I could pick all of the characteristics of my ideal man, these would be them. I could certainly be (and have been) happy with varying men, but if I had the opportunity to choose, this is how I would build my ideal man:

Tall, but not too tall. Between 6' and 6'2 is ideal. I want to be able to wear stilettos and still be shorter (which is a feat because I'm 5'8), but I don't want to have to strain on my tiptoes for a kiss.

Dark brown hair, blue or green eyes. Not too pale in the winter, and tan in the summer (for when we go on our hot beach vacations).

Nice, straight, white teeth. This is important. After years of braces, a smile is one of the first things I notice on a person.

Not super skinny, but not overweight either. Hopefully a healthy eater and even better, a gym-goer.

Likes nature and the outdoors but loves New York City too. Wants to go camping with me, but also wants to people watch on busy streets.

Must like to walk.

Has a good sense of humor, a little sarcastic and a little silly. Must like to laugh.

Intelligent. This is key. He doesn't need a degree from a fancy school and he doesn't have to be a millionaire, but he has to have goals.

Be employed. I won't date anyone over the age of 20 who's not in school and is still waiting tables. I have nothing against waiters, but it's not a stable job, in my opinion.

Is capable of saving money. I don't want to be rich, but I want to be comfortable.

This isn't a requirement, but I would love my ideal man to be musically inclined.

Even if not a musician, I'd like him to be artistic.

Loves museums and culture.

Likes to travel.

Interested in social issues, especially the environment.

~~Likes~~ Loves Indian food.

Is willing to try new foods/go to weird restarants with me.

Can cook at least a few dishes. I am perfectly happy with my role as a woman (ie. I will usually cook, clean, buy groceries, etc.), but I don't want to get stuck doing everything.

Will kill scary bugs.

Accepts that most of my friends will be guys.

I understand that he will want to hang out with his friends and have guys nights, but I bet I will like his friends and maybe he could let me hang out with them sometimes too.

Likes baseball and will teach me about it and take me to games.

Takes me out to dinner sometimes, but also lets me pay sometimes. I'm all for an equal partnership.

Wants to go out sometimes, but also likes to get take-out, sit on the couch, and watch a movie.

Must be capable of making decisions. Everything from where we go on vacation to where we live to what we'll eat for dinner. Apathy drives me nuts.

At the same time, he must be open to compromise.

Must love pets! This is important. Ideally he will like cats and dogs. I would like at least one of each.

Fun in bed. A little kinky. Willing to throw me against a wall sometimes. (I like it a little rough!)

He has to find me sexy. He doesn't have to say it all the time, but once in a while would be nice.

Has cool parents. I don't want his mother to hate me for stealing her precious baby.

Smokes pot and is willing to experiment with other drugs, but doesn't let drugs get in the way of his job and other obligations.

I don't mind if he drinks, but he can't expect me to drink all the time. (I'm not a big drinker.)

It would be a plus if he has a couple of tattoos or piercings.

Am I unreasonable?

Well, I'm not looking for the ideal guy, but someone close would do nicely :)

I'm bored at work.

raien — 2007-07-24T04:07:39-05:00

Mercilessly blognapped from logicgurl

100 Facts About You

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING?
Umm. Kind of. But it's awkward. I'd rather not discuss it.
2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
A year and a couple of months.
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
Kyle got me a book and flowers for my birthday.
4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
Oh my god yes. Mine broke not long ago :(
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
About 1:00 today. I go to the gym everyday.
6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Gas, clothes, home stuff for my NYC apartment, drugs.
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
Some craisins and brie.

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Definitely the smile.
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
I don't have a favorite- I like lots of songs.
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Manhattan and Annapolis, MD
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTEND(ED):
South River High School
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
Verizon
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
Hmmm... I like a lot of stores... Somewhere with nice clothes that aren't super expensive.
14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD:
I worked at the Ren Fest for three seasons. Ginger Cove for about 9 months. Total months at the hotel? I guess about 7 and counting.
15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?:
Yeah, I'm sure. I like Yatzee.
16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?:
No.
17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED?:
My cousin's wedding. I think I was in 11th grade.
18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY?:
Andrew
19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND?:
I saw Andrew like a week ago and I haven't seen Matt in about a month but he comes home TODAY.
20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT?:
Chick Fila or if you count Chipotle as food, then it's definitely Chipotle.
21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD?:
"I'm fucking done with her. I never want to talk to her again." -Jeff refering to Emily, whom he was back in bed with in a matter of days
22. MULTIPLE EARRINGS OR SINGLE HOLES?:
Lots of earrings. Lots of piercings.
23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
I really like getting falafel at a hookah bar.
24. CAN YOU COOK?:
Ummm. Sure.
25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
A 1996 Oldsmobile Bravada. His name is Clifford.
26. BEST KISSER?:
No idea. Can't remember.
27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
Like a week ago when I found out that both of my parents had betrayed me and really fucked me over.
28. MOST DISLIKED FOODS?:
Mushrooms. I don't like olives either.
29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF?:
Umm. I don't know.
30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF?:
My love handles. My fat in general.
31. ARBY'S OR BURGER KING?:
Don't like either. I'd rather have Wendy's. Or White Castle.
32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?:
16 hours.
33. FAVORITE MOVIE?
Pulp Fiction and Blow.
34. CAN YOU SING?:
I'm not bad.
35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?:
The Fray and OK Go. Marilym Manson next week!
36. LAST KISS?:
I guess with Kyle.
37. LAST MOVIE RENTED?:
I don't rent movies very often. So I can't remember.
38. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT?:
My sunglasses.
39. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT?:
The south of France. Belize is lovely too. (I leave in less than two weeks!)
40. DO YOU LOVE "PAGE 2" AT GOOFYAUCTIONS.COM?

I have no idea what that is.
41. ARE YOU FANS OF RICE CAKES?:
Yes! I like the mini ones too.
42. ESPN OR ESPN2?:
Pass on both.
43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
Either.
44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?:
Mitch Hedberg!!!
45. DO YOU SMOKE?
Cigarettes? Nope. Weed? Uh, yes.
46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
With.
47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?
Nobody. But that's ok.
48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
Mine didn't.
49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
Never. Knock on wood.
50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
Oh yum both. And waffles too.
51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
Yes.
52. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
I like feta and spinach omelettes. So friggin good.
53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:
No. I believe in coincidence.
54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Jeff Thomas.
55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
Probably Andrew.
56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED?:
"Dear Whitnasty, I learned how to roll great jointskis!"
57. CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF WITH NIPPLE RINGS?:
Umm, yes, been there done that, they're under my t-shirt.
58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
One or two. I'm really not picky.
59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
My work uniform.
60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC?
STOP! In the name of love, before you break my heart! (I don't know why that just popped into my head.)
61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?:
Any kind. Again, not picky.
62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
Yes. Not especially well, but I have my good moments.
63. CAN YOU SWIM?:
Yes. I was on a swim team for a long time.
64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?:
Awww I love all ice cream. I had some cherry garcia with chocolate shell last night and it was AMAZING.
65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?:
Ummm, if I'm lost then I guess so.
66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF?:
I have really big feet.
67. ARE YOU A FAN OF TATTOOS?:
Yes. I want one sooo bad. Coming soon.
68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?:
Yes.
69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Autumn.
70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?:
I don't know. Too stoned to remember.
71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING?:
10:00am.... 45 minutes later than I was supposed to.
72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?:
Nothing. I dislike winter. But there aren't any mosquitos, so I guess that's good.
73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?:
No tickets yet. Knock on wood.
74. JESUS?:
Umm. Ok. Who's he?
75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?:
I think maybe Bug Eyes. He was a fish. He had bug-eyes.
76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?:
Whatev.
77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?:
Working. Potentially taking a trip to NJ to get White Castle.
78. BIRTHDATE?:
3July 1st. Canada Day!
79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE?:

Some sort of leader in the non-profit sector.
80. ARE YOU IN LOVE?:

Nope.
81. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
When I was born.
82. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
Ummm. I wish my grandparents were alive. I'd like to see them...
83. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
Lots. I have a lot of piercings.
84. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
Sit at the front desk. Be bored. Maybe read.
85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
Nope.
86. CEREALs OR POP-TARTS?:
God I love poptarts. But I don't eat them. I like cereal.
87. ARE YOU SMILING?:
No. My head hurts.
88. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
Just on my sailboat. We went to the Bahamas and lived on our boat.

89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?:
Not really.
90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?:
Prague maybe. Or Thailand. Or India.
91. DO YOU LIKE BEAN BURRITOS?:
Nah.
92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:
Fuck no.
93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
Kind of, but I doubt anything will come of it.
94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
Umm I don't know.
95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
I have a few. I need a new one.
96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
September.
97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:
Yes.
98. ANY PLANS FOR A NEW PIERCING THIS YEAR?:
I'm sure. I need another one on my left ear. I'm stretching my lobes too.
99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?
Nope.
100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
Nope.

no subject

raien — 2007-08-04T12:08:19-05:00

belize

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raien — 2007-08-26T09:08:09-05:00

I've been neglecting this blog a little, which is bad because I've had it for years and I want to keep it going. Here are a few updates to begin with...

I got a tattoo! I got a darwin fish on my foot. It's hot. I love it. I'll take a pic and post it.

Belize was so beautiful. Scuba diving is basically the greatest thing in the world. I love love love it. My family is fucking nuts though. They're really crazy.

I move in to school on Tuesday! Yay yay yay! I am really, really excited to see all of my friends from school. And I'm excited to set up my new apartment. But I will be a little sad to leave here. I'm going to miss my dog a lot.

Tonight is my last night of work at the hotel. At least until winter break. It's been a great summer job. I make pretty good money and my schedule is pretty flexible. And my coworkers are fab, which makes a huge difference.

I hooked up with Kyle the other night. I've decided that he's an absolute pig.

I've kind of reevaluated my friends. I've realized that there were some people I got close to who don't really mean anything to me... and there are some people who I lost touch with who really meant a lot to me. It's interesting, all these changes.

I think I'm going to major in Sociology. I think. I hope. I want to travel. I want to see the whole fucking world. I don't know quite how my degree will fit into that, but I'm hoping that the perfect opportunity will fall into my lap.

I stopped eating meat a couple of weeks ago. I don't feel like calling myself a vegetarian yet, because then people will ask how long I've been a vegetarian and when I say two weeks they won't take me seriously. But it's not something I'm just going to quit. I did it before, for a couple of years. But it's something I really want to do. So I will.

I went to the Renaissance Festival today. I got all dressed up and everything. I do miss that place. I had a lot of fun working there. I also had a lot of shitty times there, but it kind of balanced out.

I made quite a bit of money this summer. Not as much as I would have liked, but my spending and saving habits ahve really improved. Yay for being a starving college student!

Ok, well I'll post again soon.

xoxo

Whitney

My tattoo

raien — 2007-08-28T06:08:18-05:00

Here's a pic of my tattoo. Sorry it's kind of low quality; I took it with PhotoBooth.

I <3 it.

(And it looks better in person. It had just started to peel when I took this pic so it looks blurry. But it's really not.)

Yippee!

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raien — 2007-09-01T12:09:14-05:00

Ok... so my new apartment... is AMAZING. Absolutely amazing. It's friggin huge and beautiful and well lit and there's an amazing organic and natural foods store right around the corner... I'll post pics when I finish decorating.

Oh, and I'm getting a futon in my room! Woo hoo! I have space for a futon! (This is unheard of in college housing in NYC.)

Em, you have no excuse not to come visit now! ;)

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raien — 2007-09-03T11:09:14-05:00

I am incredibly happy right now. Incredibly. I'm back in the city that I love and I'm seeing all of the people I've missed this summer. My apartment is... perfect. My suitemates all seem wonderful. I am very, very excited for the upcoming school year. I just need to be a good student. I have to stop wasting my parents' money!

Speaking of money, I need to stop spending so much of it. Ever since I got to Manhattan, it seems like I've been doing nothing but swiping my credit card... My parents gave me $120 before they left. Gone. I took another $40 out of the bank. Gone. I've charged at least $50 to my credit card... Now these are things I need (well kind of), but I need to start working before I start spending so much money. I think what I'm going to do is this: I'll take $120 out of the bank at the beginning of the week. Then that's all the money I'll spend the whole week. That's it. No more. That's plenty! I shouldn't be spending that much! I'm going to save all of the additional money I make and put it straight into my savings account. I did sell a book on half.com today and I'm returning some stuff to Urban outfitters, so that should be another $60. But I still have to buy plane tickets for Amsterdam, textbooks, ADP dues...

I am very, very happy with the futon I got off of craigslist. I paid $100 for it and it's awesome. It folds out into a full-size bed and it's so so so comfy. I did order a new cover (in navy blue), so it brings the total to about $125. Not bad for a great piece of furniture....

I'm slowly decorating my room. It's beginning to look like someone lives here. Erin and I went on an adventure to Ikea today. There's a free shuttle from Port Authority to Ikea in Jersey on the weekends! I officially love that store. I bought three rugs, a set of coasters, a chair cushion, two table runners, tupperware, an oven mitt, two pot holders, an end table, stain for the table, and a trash can.... for $44! Plus, there's a 10% student discount, which is awesome.

Erin, Katie, Virginia, and I are taking a trip to the Target in the Bronx tomorrow. I had never been to a Target until about a year ago, but it is such a cool store! They have some awesome stuff. I just need a few plastic plates, wall hooks, a dish drainer, blah blah blah. There are a lot of things that the apartment in general needs (like the dish drainer) but I feel like I have already contributed a lot... I wish my other suitemates would buy some stuff. But if I see a need, I have to fix it. That's just my style. I'm not maternal. (Fuck that.) I'm just... a woman.

Maybe we'll hit up the Bronx Zoo tomorrow too... That would be fun. I've never been there. But it's really expensive. Like $14 to get in and more to ride the monorail and stuff. Bleh.

My tattoo is super peel-y. I've been using tons of lotion, but I'm really prone to dry skin anyway. There's a tiny section that looks like the tattoo artist missed it, I wonder if I can get it touched up? For free? I'll probably have to wait until the next time I'm in Annapolis. Or until the next time I get a tattoo...

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raien — 2007-09-04T09:09:22-05:00

Oh em gee my first class of the semester is in half an hour! I might not take this class though; I'm just checking it out. We'll see.

I'm actually kind of excited about classes starting. Shh, don't tell anyone!

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raien — 2007-09-05T11:09:18-05:00

Oooh man, I am such a borrring person! I had this guy over last night and I think I bored him to death. I can't tell what he thinks of me at all. I am so bad at reading people. I don't really see him and someone I would want to date, but I'd really like to hang out with him.

Bleh, fuck insecurity!

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raien — 2007-09-06T12:09:01-05:00

Bought my plane tickets tonight for Amsterdam.

SO FUCKING EXCITED!

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raien — 2007-09-07T03:09:00-05:00

I ordered two items off eBay a while ago... and I got emails saying that they had both been shipped like two weeks ago... and neither of them have arrived! POO!

I want them... (A new USB cord to connect my iPod to my Mac because I lost the old one and a pair of 6g bone spirals for my ears...)

I want them now!

Bleh bleh bleh.

I had a four hour lab this morning. Sooooo long....

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raien — 2007-09-08T02:09:11-05:00

College is going great. And this year, I am actually going to go to class. For real. And I'm going to get really good grades. Just wait and see.

Went to the Met and saw a free screening of Woody Allen's Manhattan last night. It was AMAZING. What a great movie. Plus, seeing a movie at the Met? How cool is that!

Today I have to do some reading, stop by my fraternity house to say hi to my sibs, then I'm seeing A Chorus Line tonight on Broadway.

...It's nice to be back in Manhattan.

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raien — 2007-09-09T12:09:28-05:00

A Chorus Line was AMAZING. Definitely one of the best Broadway shows I've ever seen. And I've seen quite a few. Yay. I had such a great time.

And now I'm actually doing some work. Reading. I have A LOT of it. Like, a lot. An excessive amount. But that's ok because if I've adapted my schedule enough this semester that I have more than enough time to do all of my work as long as I manage my life wisely. Which I fully plan on doing. Straight As, maybe? That would be lovely!

Oh, and I think I've met a boy. Maybe. He's HOT. And he's like, a real person. Not a student. Awesome. But we'll see. I've only hung out with him once. But he seems into me? Maybe. I'm terrible at reading boys when it comes to that stuff though. Really awful.

xoxo

no subject

raien — 2007-09-10T01:09:01-05:00

So I woke up this morning to the smoke detector going off... at 8:30. It was lovely, really. There was no smoke, no fire. But the alarm decided to go off. So I went down the the front desk and asked the guard.

Excuse me, our smoke detector is going off.

Is there any smoke?

Well... no.

Then it's ok.

But it needs to STOP! It's LOUD! I have to sleep!

Well, it might turn off by itself.

...Seriously? So I go back upstairs. The alarm is still going off. Our superintendent/head of facilities isn't in yet, so I call the emergency facilities line. They tell me to call my supe. Then they tell me to change the batteries. This is not a regular smoke detector... It's a special alarm that goes off in the whole building, but was for some reason only going off in our suite. Then they HANG UP ON ME!

So pissed. It finally stopped blaring, but so much for a quiet morning in bed.

OH AND, yesterday Time-Warner came to install our cable TV... and they unplugged our Internet. My suitemate Kaleigh spent an hour on the phone with them and they kept insisting that we don't have Internet... well we did, until they fucked it up! Finally, after they figured it out, they told us that their next appointment time was on Thursday... Thursday?!?! I live half a mile from campus so it's not like it's a quick trip to go to the computer lab to check my email. God I'm pissed. Kaleigh has been yelling at them all morning, so hopefully she will be able to get them out here today... and maybe get our cable comped for a month?

And I didn't get into the yoga class I wanted this morning. But whatev.

Geesh.

I actually had a great weekend though. Got some shit done, hung out with some of my bests. Went to a screening at the Met, saw a Broadway show, had a Frat meeting, got elected to a new position, worked and made some money.... pretty damn good.

I love Barnard. But I hate Time Warner. And Emergency Facilities.

xoxo

no subject

raien — 2007-09-11T12:09:18-05:00

Ok, so we still have no Internet. Dammit. Dammit. Hopefully today Time-Warner will stop being such assholes and fix their fuckup. I hate having to sit in the computer lab.

And I still wasn't able to get into a yoga class, so I'm kind of annoyed about that. Since there's so much demand for them, I don't see why Barnard doesn't just offer more.

Last night was crazy. I didn't get in until about 5am. Shit. Not really proper behavior for a Monday. Oops. I'll catch up on reading though. I've kind of built some extra time into my schedule.

The keyboard on this computer is awful...

Yessssssss

raien — 2007-09-11T09:09:00-05:00

Internet!

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raien — 2007-09-11T11:09:16-05:00

I just bought a pair of purple suede boots and a red sundress online, from Urban. I hope they both fit. And I hope they look HOT. Did pretty well with pricing too... both were on sale, which was TIGHT.

Purple is a very underrated color.

And I hope there are a few more warm days so I can wear my new dress...

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raien — 2007-09-12T12:09:56-05:00

Approximate total for textbooks for my fall 2007 semester at Columbia University:

............................................$350

FUCK!

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raien — 2007-09-14T01:09:58-05:00

What a cute boy :)

Such a cutie.

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raien — 2007-09-15T01:09:08-05:00

eiupithgs9eriudkjhfg07q29n45q-734ypaueihrgfy80aegh

that was a note of frustration

fuck mixed messages

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raien — 2007-09-15T04:09:09-05:00

It's like 5:00.

And I have done nothing all day.

Well not exactly nothing. I had breakfast (cereal with soy milk) and lunch (pita, celery, and carrots with spicy black bean dip). And I cleaned basically the whole appointment.

So not nothing. But I should be readddding.

I need to read for at least two hours, then go for a run, then go to a partayyyyy.

Tight.

This annoys me. Intensely.

raien — 2007-09-15T05:09:52-05:00

"I'm a vegetarian, but I eat fish."

Shut up! You are not a vegetarian if you eat fish! Fish are animals! Stop being so insensitive to the friggin fish!

veg·e·tar·i·an   [vej-i-tair-ee-uh n] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun

1. a person who does not eat or does not believe in eating meat, fish, fowl, or, in some cases, any food derived from animals, as eggs or cheese, but subsists on vegetables, fruits, nuts, grain, etc.
2. An herbivore.

Christ. People are so dumb.

no subject

raien — 2007-09-16T11:09:15-05:00

Baked healthy blackberry cheesecake yesterday. It's really good. I mean it doesn't taste like regular cheesecake, because regular cheesecake is a heart attack in a pie pan, but it tastes damn good. And as my first cheesecake attempt, it went pretty damn well.

Sometime this week I think I'm going to make walnut cranberry bread. The recipe I have seems pretty straight forward and the only ingredients that I don't have already are oranges, cranberries, and walnuts. I can definitely steal the oranges from the dining hall and I might be able to get the cranberries there too... Yum. The prospect is delicious.

On the other hand, I haven't done ANY homework at all this weekend. I have A LOT to do. A ton of reading and two papers to write... one due Wednesday and one due tomorrow (!!). Oops. I just really need to do better this semester...

Going to that dance party last night was probably not the smartest idea. But I just love to dance, dance, dance...

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raien — 2007-09-16T07:09:12-05:00

I bought at really hot pair of Joe's Jeans for $50 today.

Tight.

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raien — 2007-09-17T12:09:18-05:00

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/woman_overjoyed_by_giant_uterine

Bah ha ha ha!

no subject

raien — 2007-09-17T02:09:40-05:00

Four Months in Captivity:
The Summer After My First Year of College

Day 1

A few minutes after one o’clock on the last day of finals, my mother calls me from her cell phone.

“Whitney, we’re leaving the hotel. We should be at your dorm in about twenty minutes. Are you all packed?”

Shit.

No, I am not packed. In fact, I haven’t even started packing.

Actually, that’s not true. I took three posters off the wall last week in an attempt to delude myself with ideas of productivity. Removing the wall décor served two purposes: 1. I created a false sense of accomplishment while avoiding any and all forms of studying or other related nonsense. 2. Neither of these three posters were family-friendly. By this, I mean that my mother would look at them, then look at me, then call her therapist.

Regardless, my room is not packed and I have twenty minutes before my parents arrive.

Shit.

It’s time to get the important stuff out of the way.

Bottle of wine stashed in my computer case? Check.

Bong stuffed into a box and sealed with multiple layers of duct tape? Check.

Cigarettes concealed in an empty handbag and layered under a pile of sweaters? Check.

Ok. Looks good.

Day 1, Several hours later

After packing furiously for a really, really long time, cowering under my mother’s watchful eye, I have six suitcases, four giant boxes, and a trash bag full of my stuff.

Where did this all come from?!

Goal #1 for the summer: Become less materialistic. Sell my junk at a flea market. Better yet, donate it. Consider moving into a hollowed out tree and escaping capitalism all together.

Seriously.

Day 1, About seventeen minutes later

All of my possessions are now loaded into my mom’s minivan. I am also loaded into the minivan, squeezed between my mini fridge and the giant stuffed leopard that some boyfriend bought me in my formative years. (When I say “formative years” I mean probably within the last six months. I just feel the need to justify owning a five-foot long soft toy that takes up two-thirds of my cot-sized bed.)

Vincent, my bonsai tree, is loaded onto my lap. (I was afraid he would tip over and soil the trunk if I put him in the back. Ha ha. Get it? Soil? He’s a plant! Ok. Sorry.)

As my father starts the car up and pulls away from the curb—nearly hitting a cab, an old lady, and a feral cat in the process—my mother turns around, gives me a once over, and proceeds to smile at me.

Shit.

(Edit: This particular facial expression that my mother so often shoots in my direction is not so much a smile as…I can’t describe it actually. If you were having a conversation with a crocodile or a shark or some other carnivorous beastie that would like to eat you… I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this. But just imagine that beastie thinking about how much it wants to nibble on you and visualize the look on its face. That’s the “smile.” Pretty sinister. Oh, and give that beastie an English accent. Then you have my mom.)

She turns to my father.

Here it comes.

“Maybe we should let her jog behind the car for a few miles.”

Oh. My. God.

Day 1, Thirty seconds later

My feelings are not hurt.
My feelings are not hurt.
My feelings are not hurt.

In my defense, I didn’t actually gain any weight over the course of my freshman year of college. In fact, I lost three or four pounds.

Doesn’t matter.

I try to think of a retort but my usually sassy intellect has left me in stunned silence. Maybe if I rearrange the plant I’ll look thinner?
Day 2

I’m ready to move out.

Day 3

I’m still ready to move out, but one quick glance at my savings account confirms that this is not really a possibility. Unless my parents will pay for rent?

Day 3, Two minutes later

My dad thinks that’s a hilarious idea.

He’s still laughing.

I should probably come up with a Plan B.

Day 4

I’ve decided on Plan C. I’m just going to stick it out for the rest of the summer. I’d miss my dog too much if I moved out, anyway. At least I have my own bedroom, free meals, and no bills as long as I live at home.

I’m willing to sacrifice my freedom (and probably most of my basic human rights, knowing my family) for these precious luxuries. And, if it gets too bad, there’s a giant pine tree out back that I can maybe live in. It’s not hollow, but there’s a little recess at the base of the trunk. I might even be able to get an extension cord from the house and plug in my laptop.

The lack of running water will be an issue though. I’ve never been particularly adept at the squat-and-pee-then-wipe-with-a-leaf technique.

(Plan B was to ask my mom about paying rent. She found Plan B almost as hilarious as my father found Plan A. Is this really my life?)

no subject

raien — 2007-09-18T11:09:54-05:00

Btdubs, I am a big fattie. It's kind of a problem.

On that note, I need to go to the grocery store.

I've been at college for almost 3 weeks and I've managed to avoid doing laundry. But now I'm down to my last pair of underwear, which is really the only thing that can only be worn once. But don't think I'm dirty or anything; I'm generally very clean.

So I need to buy some detergent.

no subject

raien — 2007-09-19T11:09:44-05:00

Oh man I think I have a BOY

a HOT boy

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raien — 2007-09-19T05:09:48-05:00

Well I made all sorts of appointments today. One with a therapist, one with a nutritionist, and one with a gyno for a pap smear.

I might as well start the semester off on the right foot...

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raien — 2007-09-19T11:09:03-05:00

My allergies are kicking my ass right now.

Uggggggh

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raien — 2007-09-23T10:09:57-05:00

I really should be doing work. I have a lot of shit to do.

And I need to spend some time updating my resume...

xoxo

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raien — 2007-09-23T11:09:40-05:00

I want my tattoo NOW

But I have to wait a few more months...

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raien — 2007-09-23T06:09:07-05:00

Ooooh I had a huge bowl of vegetarian chili for dinner. It was sooooo good. Yum yum yum.

I'm going to go for a run in like 20 minutes.

Hopefully by then I will be less stuffed.

::satisfied::

Ryan and I are supermodels. That's all.

raien — 2007-09-24T01:09:38-05:00

no subject

raien — 2007-09-24T01:09:20-05:00

I got nothing accomplished this weekend. Fuck. I am terrible!

And now I have a paper due in three hours. Fuck! I am such an idiot.

So much for being a better student this semester...

And I wanted to go to the grocery store and get a brazilian today. Dammit. Looks like that's not happening.

I'm happy because my hair is FINALLY back to the right color.

raien — 2007-09-24T10:09:41-05:00

no subject

raien — 2007-09-26T02:09:13-05:00

ugh.

why am i still awake.

im full from food. and it feels icky.

no subject

raien — 2007-09-26T07:09:59-05:00

SHIT it's early

Warning... upcoming overshare

raien — 2007-09-27T09:09:35-05:00

Alright, so this guy I've been kinda seeing, who is super nice and super cute and I legitimately like... Last night we went to the movies (Across the Universe.... amazing) and then came back to my place for blunts and whatnot. He spent the night here (which he's done a few times before) and we had sex for the first time.

It was really good. Like really good. And he was lasting forever and it was awesome. And then... he tells me he can't orgasm because he's on antidepressants.

...Dammit. That's like the best part of sex, getting your partner off.

I'm not sure if I can deal with having sex and not getting the guy off. It's anti-climatic. I want sex to end with a male orgasm.... otherwise, it's much less gratifying for me...

So. Fuck.

Just some shameless self-portraits.

raien — 2007-09-27T10:09:09-05:00

Alright, so I went a little nuts with PhotoBooth. Whatev. I'm a Mac user, so I'm entitled. Or at least that's what I tell myself.

ps. That's Buddha, just chillin in the background. Word.

no subject

raien — 2007-09-27T01:09:14-05:00

ps. I did not realize how sunburned I got yesterday until I looked closely at those pics I posted. I'm a little pink. Oops. Oh well. I'd rather be sunburned than not get any sun at all...

no subject

raien — 2007-09-28T01:09:50-05:00

I am just now starting a lab that's due at 11:00 tomorrow morning.

Dammit.

Looks like this might be my first all-nighter of the 2007-2008 school year.

And it's only just begun. (I am fucked.)

no subject

raien — 2007-09-29T01:09:38-05:00

My friends from home just called me to ask what I was wearing.

God I love them.

And God I love having all guys for friends.

(How could I be mad at them for waking me up? Plus I'm sure they didn't expect me to be asleep and I didn't mention that I had passed out at about 8pm.)

I LOVE them. And I miss them hardXcore.

no subject

raien — 2007-09-29T09:09:12-05:00

So I was in the bathroom this morning. Door closed, but not locked, and the light was on. I had literally been in the bathroom two minutes.

My suitemate BURSTS through the door.

So I reach over and slam it shut before she can get it.

She says, "I need to use the fucking bathroom!"

Uh ok, well I do too. I think I'm entitled, right? To use the bathroom? I mean, maybe I'm not. Maybe it's "Kirsten's bathroom." I thought it was "Suite 4A's bathroom," but I guess I was just being stupid.

GOD. And the general understanding is that if the light is on and the door is closed, you knock before entering. We have a toilet and a shower in a separate room within the bathroom (it's really an awesome setup), so it's possible to have a couple of people in there at once, but still, you KNOCK.

Also, WE HAVE A SECOND BATHROOM.

Not a good start to my morning. This girl is really starting to irk me. She hated doing dishes so she lets them build up in a tub in the DINING ROOM... Ahhhhhhhh!

no subject

raien — 2007-09-30T06:09:48-05:00

I have so much shit to get done. There's just so much work....

As far as class goes, I spend about 11 hours a week in class.
Then about 13 hours per week at work.
Then about 7 hours per week doing stuff for ADP.
Then 2 hours for my Civic Engagement House meetings.
2-3 hours for kickboxing.
2 hours for my therapist/nutritionist appointments.
At least 3 hours for the Emerging Leaders Program.
3 hours for my pottery class/working at the cooperative

And... maybe... I actually cannot even begin to estimate how many hours of homework I have per week.

It's overwhelming. And it's only one month into the semester...

no subject

raien — 2007-10-01T11:10:52-05:00

I am busy, busy, busy.

But I did actually get some shit done yesterday.

And I'm going to get some shit done right now.

I think if I actually just put in about 2 solid hours of homework per day, I could be caught up with everything in about a week. Hmmm. What a novel idea.

no subject

raien — 2007-10-02T03:10:28-05:00

I woke up with excruitiating pain in my torso... what's wrong!?!

It hurts so bad. I would say it's cramps because I'm on my period, but it doesn't feel like that at all.

Ahhhhh!

no subject

raien — 2007-10-02T10:10:45-05:00

My throat is so sore. FUCK. I don't have time to get sick.

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raien — 2007-10-03T07:10:54-05:00

EVERYTHING HURTS

I am so sick.

I hate being sick at college... there's no one to take care of me... and I still can't miss class...

I just want to cry.

no subject

raien — 2007-10-04T01:10:02-05:00

So I have strep throat. Which sucks. It really sucks.

But, the doctor thought I had mono.

Strep throat is such a better option than mono.

Mono would have ruined my life and all of my plans for the next month.

Now I have some antibiotics and will hopefully be fully recovered within the next week.

no subject

raien — 2007-10-04T08:10:25-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqgIJX2amk0

Ok.... so I basically had to change my shorts after watching this.

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raien — 2007-10-05T05:10:29-05:00

So I kind of gave up on the whole sleeping thing. I just end up waking up about once an hour, drenched in sweat and unable to breath, so really, what's the point?

Might as well do my lab report...

no subject

raien — 2007-10-06T01:10:07-05:00

Reasons why I was really happy today:

1. I finished my lab last night and turned it in on time... which is more than I can say for last weeks' "efforts."
2. My lab professor is letting resubmit the parts of my lab from last week that I did a really poor job on/didn't do!
3. I think I decided on a topic for my intro sociology research paper.
4. I stepped on the scale today and I've lost 2 more pounds.
5. I feel 1000x better today. It's unbelievable how much better I feel actually, especially since I didn't get much sleep last night.
6. I got into this career exploration program that I applied for at Barnard. I'm really excited about that.
7. I went to a fun party at ADP last night and saw everyone I haven't seen in like a week since I've been so sick.
7. I hung out and smoked with Steph and Steve.
8. Oh, and I wore a really cute outfit tonight ;)

Also, reasons to be excited in the near future...

raien — 2007-10-06T01:10:37-05:00

1. I think I'm going shopping with Erin tomorrow!
2. Molly and Kyle are coming to visit next weekend!
3. I'm going home the weekend after that!
4. Then Emily is coming the week after that!
5. Then I'm visiting Andrew at Penn State the next weekend!
6. Then I'm visiting Matt at Cornell the next weekend!
7. Then the following week I'm going to AMSTERDAM!!!

So, in short, October and November are going to be SUPER EXCITING!

:)

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raien — 2007-10-06T11:10:35-05:00

Just one month, one week, and three days until...

HAMSTERDAM 07!

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raien — 2007-10-07T12:10:49-05:00

Ohhh I got soooo drunk last night.

I met Erin and some of her friends at the Shake Shack in Madison Square Park for dinner last night. (Delishhhhh- portabello burger, cheeeeeese fries, frozen hazelnut custard with hot fudge)

Then the two of us walked around for a little while.

Then we bought a bottle of tequila.

Then we drank the bottle of tequila.

Then we giggled excessively in the kitchen and made pancakes :)

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raien — 2007-10-08T11:10:40-05:00

Dear Whitney,

Please sit your lazy ass down and write your lab report.

Love,
Whitney

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raien — 2007-10-08T08:10:45-05:00

So my suitemate, who is very nerdy and like a neuroscience major, just came in and said:

"Ummm, Whitney is that your glass bottle in the freezer?"

I had to think for a second.
"Oh, the tequila?"

Uhhhhh, yeah, I guess that's what it is... can we put it in the fridge...?

I'm kinda puzzled.
"I guess we can... why?"

"Glass explodes in the freezer!"

I then had to explain that glass doesn't explode in the freezer; water expands in the freezer and hence a full glass bottle of water in the freezer will explode. And 1. That bottle is no where near full. In fact, it is much closer to empty. Which is kind of testament to the kind of weekend I had. And 2. Alcohol does not freeze.

So how can someone who seems so smart just not know anything?

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raien — 2007-10-09T08:10:18-05:00

It's early as fuck.

Whatev.

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raien — 2007-10-09T10:10:00-05:00

The rain will wash the sin and dog shit off the streets.

But will it cleanse me?

No, I don't think so.

Sometimes, I am deeply unhappy.

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raien — 2007-10-10T11:10:14-05:00

I'm in the midst of a personal crisis.

I hope it clears up soon...

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raien — 2007-10-11T12:10:21-05:00

Maybe if I took a semester off, maybe then it would be better.

But then I'd come back... and all my problems would be waiting for me.

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raien — 2007-10-11T12:10:31-05:00

Agggg I have a midterm tomorrow.

Then TWO labs due on Friday. Well, it would only be one, but I still haven't finished the one from last week... So it's two. And they'll probably take like 10 hours each.

So much for sneaking away to the studio for a little while....

AGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

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raien — 2007-10-11T02:10:13-05:00

So here's the schedule for tomorrow:

10:00am WAKE UP
10:00am - 2:00pm Study for midterm
2:40pm - 4:00pm Take midterm (and ACE it!)
4:00 - 8:00 Work on labs
8:00 - 9:00 Take shower, get ready for Lit Night
9:30 - 11:30 Host Lit Night
11:30 - ?? Finish labs

I will probably be up all night tomorrow. Dammit.

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raien — 2007-10-11T10:10:27-05:00

Any day is a good day for a new beginning.

Today seems just as good as any...

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raien — 2007-10-15T09:10:09-05:00

Kyle, Molly, and Molly's friend Laura all came and stayed with me this weekend. Sooo much fun!

The debauchery included: Circa Survive, NYC Culture Fest 07, Battery Park, button makin, Bedouin Soundclash, Hot Hot Heat, lots of tequila, massive bong rips, walking about 100 miles, delicious food at a tight restaurant (B Bar), CAKE (with candy corn!), the first cigarette of Laura's 19th year on planet earth, more tequila, more bong rips, Apples to Apples.... etc.

GREAT time <3

ps. Molly is the redhead. Laura is the brunette who's not me.

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raien — 2007-10-16T01:10:11-05:00

Went to see Senator Clinton speak today.

I've officially joined Team Hillary.

xoxo

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raien — 2007-10-17T12:10:27-05:00

Okkkkk...

So I have a paper due at 2:00.

It's now 12:30.

Oh dear.

I should get on that.

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raien — 2007-10-17T11:10:14-05:00

Bleh.

Fat.

I'm having some issues.

Need to resolve them, stat.

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raien — 2007-10-18T12:10:37-05:00

So I'm going home this weekend.

At least I'll get to see my dog...

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raien — 2007-10-18T02:10:11-05:00

well this is the first class i've skipped of the semester.

i didn't even do it on purpose.

i need to use this as an excuse to spend some time doing work.

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raien — 2007-10-19T09:10:06-05:00

well i guess im gonna be in md for the weekend.

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raien — 2007-10-21T04:10:36-05:00

OMG WHY IS THE OFFICE JUST SO GOOD?!

::::sigh

raien — 2007-10-22T12:10:23-05:00

::sigh::

I'm just not happy...

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raien — 2007-10-24T12:10:57-05:00

Due tomorrow:
4-5 page critical reaction paper for Women and Leadership
15-18 page article review and outline for Environmental Measurements (I'm on page 8...)

Due Friday:
Not one but TWO labs for Environmental Measurements, which take HOURS and I need to finish them by tomorrow night or Thursday morning at the latest because I have exciting plans on Thursday night

Monday:
3 page critical reaction for Communities and Social Change (which includes a shitload of reading)

Thursday:
5-8 page major research paper for Intro to Sociology (I have not even started the research and I have to do really well on this paper in order to get a decent grade in the class...)

And of course there will be more to come.
There always is.

But... I got a 93 on my Intro Soc midterm!!! The one I thought I failed because I didn't finish! Woo hoo! (I mean, a 99 would have been better, but I'll take an A- as long as I get an A on the research paper and an A as my final grade... this is only an intro course and it does count for my major GPA after all...)

I would cut my hair short, if it could look like this

raien — 2007-10-24T03:10:35-05:00

I love her hair here...

I wonder if mine could look like that?

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raien — 2007-10-25T12:10:56-05:00

SO EXCITED FOR THIS WEEKEND

xoxo

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raien — 2007-10-28T04:10:12-05:00

Super fun stuff that Emily and I did this weekend:

Went to a New Pornographer's concert
Visited the Met
Bought a TON of awesome stuff at the world's best Goodwill
Made a delicious dinner then hosted a dinner party with six other guests(Tomato and avocado salad with honey mustard vinegarette, baked ziti with fresh mozzarella, fresh sourdough bread, and a porcupine cake!)
Got student rush tickets to Spring Awakening- an AWESOME show
Toured the MoMa gift shop- we'll actually go to the museum next time she comes
Bought gorgeous pashminas at a street fair
Walked through Central Park (for a looooong time)
Visited Strawberry Fields and John Lennon's apartment building
Ate fabulous Indian food
Slept :) but not very much

It was such a fun weekend! Yay!

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raien — 2007-10-28T10:10:25-05:00

Two more fun things we did that I forgot to mention:

Fulfilled childhood dreams at the American Girl Place
Visited all the MMs at the MMs store in Times Square

xoxo

A photoessay of my sweeeeeet weekend

raien — 2007-10-29T01:10:23-05:00

1. The lead singer of the New Pornographers. An AMAZING concert.
2. Emily outside of the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
3. Emily and I at the Met with Anna and Sigourney, two of the girls from my ELP group.
4. The dinner party that Emily and I hosted.
5. Porcupine cake! This was honestly the best dessert ever. So friggin good.
6. Playing Apples to Apples. Only the best. game. EVER!
7. At the MMs store. Just so many small candy-covered chocolates. Just so many.
8. Fulfilling childhood dreams at the American Girl Place. I had to sneer at lots of little children in order to get them out of the way so Emily could take this picture.
9. Again, at the American Girl Place. Really, just too much excitement.
10. Outside of the Eugene O'Neill Theatre, where we saw Spring Awakening. Which was AWESOME.
11. At the Pumpkin Festival in Central Park. We are really adorable.
12. Again, at Pumpkin Fest. It was all to raise money for children with life-threatening illnesses. They were trying to get as many people as possible to carve pumpkins. There were LOTS.
13. At the Imagine memorial at Strawberry Fields. Emily and I had a real adventure finding it. But it was totally worth it. We got lots of exercise and saw tons of Central Park!
14. Emily and I. What a wonderful weekend!

ps. Emily is alabasterfae. And she's awesome.

Here are pictures 13 and 14... the upload got realllllly sloooooow.

raien — 2007-10-29T01:10:42-05:00

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raien — 2007-10-30T10:10:57-05:00

Ok... so I'm supposed to be going to Montreal this weekend. But my friends are being super lame and not communicating effectively.

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raien — 2007-10-31T05:10:06-05:00

My head is about to EXPLODE

I have been doing Environmental Science lab work for 12 HOURS

It's 6am... I know I have at least an hour of lab work left

Then an essay to write (but it's only 500 words, so hopefully I can finish it in an hour, hour and a half, but it requires some reading and research that I haven't done yet

I guess I'll be able to go to bed by 8am...

Then maybe I can wake up for my 2pm class?

I am so FUCKED

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raien — 2007-10-31T06:10:54-05:00

At least the labs are done.

Too bad there's another one due on Friday...

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raien — 2007-10-31T09:10:29-05:00

laffy taffy joke

What type of shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderpants!

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raien — 2007-10-31T10:10:16-05:00

I just took a peek at this month's credit card bill online...

AHHHHHHHHHH

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raien — 2007-11-01T04:11:34-05:00

YES

I finished my Intro Soc research paper. It was like 13 pages.

And I didn't start it until this morning.

But I finished.

I even turned it in early.

15 minutes early to be exact lolz.

I'm not going to Montreal this weekend as planned because some of my friends suck but I am going to Rhode Island this weekend because some of my other friends don't suck! Yay for friends who don't suck!

Pretty happy right now. My work is done for the week... Which is saying a lot.

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raien — 2007-11-01T05:11:11-05:00

Maybe visiting Ithaca and Providence this weekend?

Yeesh.

Fun though...

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raien — 2007-11-05T02:11:57-05:00

Ithaca is BEAUTIFUL

That is all.

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raien — 2007-11-08T01:11:20-05:00

I've been on Mindsay for 4 years.

WOAH

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raien — 2007-11-08T01:11:19-05:00

Sororities make me want to puke all over the place.

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raien — 2007-11-09T01:11:58-05:00

It's so weird that my friends from high school are having babies.... I mean, they're like 19 years old.

Wow.

Shit's for real.

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raien — 2007-11-09T07:11:04-05:00

Major: Sociology

Minor: Environmental Science

Ca va?

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raien — 2007-11-10T12:11:52-05:00

Ahhhhh I feel so pressured to make all of these decisions for my future!

I have less than a month to decide on all of my study abroad programs for next year. Brazil or Kenya next summer? I'm not sure if I can swing both...

Then in the fall I'm going with the International Honors Program to India, China, and Argentina...

Or maybe I should go abroad for a whole year and do a semester in Kenya? Doing conservation work... That would be AMAZING!

And people keep asking me where I want to go for grad school.... Fuck! What am I going to get a masters in? Something practical? Or should I get a degree in sociology and become and academic...

Also... how do I pay for all of this? The idea of being in debt terrifies me!

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raien — 2007-11-11T12:11:30-05:00

I am ridiculously awkward.

That is all.

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raien — 2007-11-11T10:11:32-05:00

I do not have time to get all the shit done that needs to get done this week.

Balls.

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raien — 2007-11-12T10:11:31-05:00

I have so much shit to do before I go to Amsterdam on Friday. Blah!

I am really excessively scheduled...

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raien — 2007-11-12T01:11:57-05:00

I've been in the lab all day. Finding the dry grain density of sediment samples collected from the Hudson River. Using a Micromeritics Pycnometer.

And I'm doing this voluntarily.

NERD

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raien — 2007-11-12T11:11:14-05:00

Mercilessly blognapped from almost23

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments.. what is it?
1. Produce: Kiwi
2. Bakery: Some sort of muffin... or sour dough bread
3. Meat: Morningstar veggie burgers (I'm a vegetarian)
4. Frozen: Eggos (or soy ice cream... tough choice)
5. Dry goods: Cheez-its

Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what's in your bag?
1. Jeans
2. Hoodie
3. Underwear

If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 5 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?
1. Word
2. Tight
3. Hey girl!
4. YO
5. It's straight

So, what 3 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you probably wouldn't be in the best mood?
1. Check my facebook
2. Write lists to organize my time... I'm insane

3. Brush my teeth

Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?
1. Get a brazilian
2. Read a book

3. Drink a lot of diet orange soda
4. Take a nap
5. Probably do some homework

We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?
1. Giraffes
2. Elephants
3. Reptiles! I love turtles!

You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on t.v. of your choice. You can pick between 4, so what are you deciding between?
1. The Office
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Masterpiece Theatre (I know... nerd...)
4. Brothers and Sisters

You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?
1. Mint chocolate chip
2. Strawberry
3. Tiramisu (but I would probably want them all in separate cones... I'm not a mixer)

Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?
1. Camel-colored Marc Jacobs wallet
2. Clear Eyes (so what? I smoke a lot of weed... my eyes get itchy)
3. Rolling papers
4. Burt's Bees honey flavored chapstick
5. My iPod

You are at a job fair, and asked what areas you are interested in pursuing a career in. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?
1. President of the United States
2. Broadway actress
3. Founder of a non-profit environmental conservation and social development organization
4. Ballet dancer

If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?
1. Stop eating junk food. You will regret it.
2. Stop dating stupid boys.
3. Don't procrastinate so much.
4. Try not to be so bitchy and judgmental (I'm not that bad... but sometimes I am... whoops)

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raien — 2007-11-13T01:11:35-05:00

I really need to eat more protein.

That is all.

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raien — 2007-11-13T10:11:38-05:00

Ok. If I work for Morgan Stanley for 10 weeks the summer after next (as in summer '09), they will pay me a shit ton of money and give me a huge scholarship. Like, a lot of money. A LOT.

But I really don't know if I can sell my soul.

I asked the rep I talked to tonight about MS's policy on social responsibility... he replied, "Ms Hoot, you must remember that Morgan Stanley is a COMMERCIAL firm; our goal is to generate profit for our clients."

Then he told me about how many employees choose to volunteer on the weekends- Morgan Stanley even has an outreach program that encourages its employees to help at a soup kitchen once a month. How nice.

It's huge corporations like these that already have huge amounts of CAPITAL (both monetary and human) that could be used to enact global social change. Firms like Morgan Stanley have SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITIES. I don't mean donating x-million dollars to build a children's hospital somewhere... that's nice, but the some of the brightest, most economically savvy minds in the world work at MS... there are BETTER things they could be doing than generating PROFITS for wealthy clients. FUCK YOU.

I think I answered my own question...

no subject

raien — 2007-11-14T03:11:32-05:00

Fuck. I need to go to bed.

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raien — 2007-11-15T03:11:34-05:00

Another very late night.

SO much shit to get done. Dammit.

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raien — 2007-11-15T04:11:12-05:00

SHIT

I forgot to sign up for a class that I need.

FUCK

I had plenty of time to do it today, but I was an ass and forgot, and tomorrow they let first years sign up. And the class is almost full.

Dammit dammit dammit this will fuck up my schedule so badly...

Plus, I REALLY want to take this class...

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raien — 2007-11-15T12:11:10-05:00

Well, that class I needed is full. Now I have to completely change my schedule. And I really liked how it was and FUCK I'm just really pissed at myself because I walked right by the registrar's office yesterday and saw people milling around and was like...hmmm when are L-course sign ups.

Fuuuuuuuuck. Just want to cry. So stressed.

And I am going to be up all night tonight... Just like last night... And the night before...

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raien — 2007-11-15T05:11:21-05:00

I am just really annoyed at myself.

And I have a very, very long to-do list.

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raien — 2007-11-16T05:11:05-05:00

I am on my way to AMSTERDAM!!!

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raien — 2007-11-23T05:11:07-05:00

Amsterdam is the friggin greatest. Fo real yo.

It's AMAZING.

I really, really don't want to come home tomorrow :(

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raien — 2007-11-23T05:11:20-05:00

Sweet things I have done in Amsterdam so far:

Smoked A LOT of weed

Judged at the Cannabis Cup

Visited the Tropenmuseum

the van Gogh museum

the Rijksmuseum

the Sex Museum

the Hash Marijuana Hemp museum

Seen a lot of sites, archtecture, beautiful canals...

Did I mention smoking a lot of weed?

Somebody's been tokin on that ole devil's herb!

Damn straight. Gonna go light up a joint.

BEST. WEEK. EVER.

no subject

raien — 2007-11-26T08:11:42-05:00

I stayed up all night and got absolutely nothing done. Great.

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raien — 2007-11-26T10:11:53-05:00

So here are my options next summer...

Russia & Scandinavia (Start Riga)

Latvia, Russia, Finland, Sweden, Norway, Denmark

                 23 days         $3,519.00

Road to Athens

France, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Germany, Austria (in transit), Italy, Vatican City, Greece

17 days $2,589.00

European Whirl

Belgium (in transit), Netherlands, Germany, Czech Republic, Austria, Italy, Vatican City, Switzerland, France

20 days $2,155.00

Europe Camping 21 Days

France, Switzerland, Monaco, Italy, Vatican City, Austria, Czech Republic, Germany, Netherlands, Belgium ( in transit )

21 days $1,935.00

Egypt & The Nile

Egypt

9 days $959.00

Eastern Road

Germany, Czech Republic, Austria, Hungary, Slovakia, Poland

13 days $1,619.00

Or I could plan my own trip. That's what I did for Amsterdam. But if I did that next summer, I would want to travel with someone... and it might be hard to find a traveling partner.

Well, it's really just food for thought. Who knows if I will have the money anyway...

no subject

raien — 2007-11-26T11:11:54-05:00

I still have not started my work... and I need to finish two 3-page papers on books I haven't read by 3:00.

I stayed up all night for absolutely nothing.

Gahhhh I am an idiotttttt.

no subject

raien — 2007-11-26T02:11:04-05:00

I finished two of the three papers I have due today.... found out it was three papers, not two...

So it's actually two 4-page papers and one two-page paper

I've done one 4-pager and the 2-pager

Dammit.

no subject

raien — 2007-11-27T11:11:35-05:00

I was going to write a paper... but then I got high.

GOOD CHOICES

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raien — 2007-11-28T12:11:18-05:00

I really need to stop fucking around... These last three weeks of school are going to make a huge impact on my GPA. And my parents are pouring $200k into my education... it's pretty fucked up of me to waste it.

no subject

raien — 2007-11-28T03:11:59-05:00

I slept from 6pm to midnight. I have been awake since then, fucking around. Not doing anything productive. This is NOT ok. I am seriously fucking shit up. I'm a bright girl... I could be getting As in all of my classes. If I just did 2 hours of work a day, I would be set. Fucking set. When I graduate with a shit GPA and watch all of my peers get great jobs while I'm left to wallow, I am really going to regret being so fucking lazy. Latin Honors? Yeah fucking right.

In the next two weeks, I have to: Finish my Water Chem report that was due two weeks ago. Write a 3-page response to a book I haven't read for Communities and Social Change... due yesterday. Give a 20-minute presentation (tomorrow!) and write a 15-page paper about Rachel Carson and feminism. Give a 10-minute presentation and write a 20-page paper about the Manhattanville expansion and its affect on the Harlem community. Write my Sediment report for Environmental Measurements...this will take hours...I am dreading this... Write a 3-page position paper about a social issue that I want to devote myself to next semester for CEH... fuck so I need an issue... And take my Intro Soc final.

I am SO fucked. I need to get on this shit NOW. I just have to pull through the next couple of weeks. Then the semester will be OVER and I can RELAX for an entire MONTH.

I am so overwhelmed... I don't know if I can do this...

no subject

raien — 2007-11-28T04:11:46-05:00

Still awake. Still haven't got a single thing done.

WHY do I do this to MYSELF?

A slow, torturous death...

raien — 2007-11-28T07:11:33-05:00

My remaining academic work for the fall 2007 semester...

Water Chemistry report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade): DUE TWO WEEKS AGO!

~~Week 12 response for Communities and Social Change: DUE MONDAY THE 26TH~~

Presentation about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership: Due Wednesday the 28th

Presentation about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (20% of grade): Due Monday the 3rd

3-page position paper for Civic Engagement House: Due Monday the 3rd

Sediment Report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade): Due Friday the 7th

15-20-page paper about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (40% of grade): Due Monday the 10th

10-15-page paper about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership (30% of grade): Due Wednesday the 12th

Intro to Sociology final exam (25% of grade): Thursday the 20th

no subject

raien — 2007-11-28T11:11:31-05:00

NOOOOOOOOO

The grocery store where I shop stopped selling the delicious vegan fat free muffins that I always buy

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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raien — 2007-11-28T11:11:34-05:00

NOOOOOOOOO

The grocery store where I shop stopped selling the delicious vegan fat free muffins that I always buy

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

no subject

raien — 2007-11-28T11:11:07-05:00

Water Chemistry report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade): DUE TWO WEEKS AGO!

~~Week 12 response for Communities and Social Change: DUE MONDAY THE 26TH~~

~~Presentation about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership: Due Wednesday the 28th~~

Presentation about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (20% of grade): Due Monday the 3rd

3-page position paper for Civic Engagement House: Due Monday the 3rd

Sediment Report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade): Due Friday the 7th

15-20-page paper about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (40% of grade): Due Monday the 10th

10-15-page paper about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership (30% of grade): Due Wednesday the 12th

Intro to Sociology final exam (25% of grade): Thursday the 20th

no subject

raien — 2007-11-28T05:11:24-05:00

I accidentally bought two pairs of shoes on the way home from class today... oops.

A pair of brown printed pumps (SO gorgeous, the pic, really doesn't do them justice) and a pair of black loafers.

Dammit. Not really in my budget... Oh well.

no subject

raien — 2007-11-29T10:11:01-05:00

This week I have been spending like I'm made of money... Dammmmmn.

$350 for the Death Valley trip... writing that check HURT
$90 worth of shoes that I bought yesterday (oops)
$100 for my new fake ID... it had better be really fucking good
$35 for cable payment
$35 for Hot Jazz ticket
$100+ for my new tattoo (tomorrow!!!)
$50 for my haircut on Saturday (how should I get it cut??)
$?? for shoes to match my Hot Jazz dress

That's like $800!!!!!! Shiiiiiiit....

no subject

raien — 2007-12-01T11:12:48-05:00

I got a new tattoo yesterday! It is SO BEAUTIFUL!

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raien — 2007-12-01T03:12:16-05:00

I didn't think it was possible to be this unproductive...

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raien — 2007-12-02T07:12:38-05:00

Hot Temptress, Cold Champagne

A fabulous booze cruise with my fabulous friends.

<3

no subject

raien — 2007-12-03T10:12:30-05:00

Ugh. I am OBESE.

Dammit.

no subject

raien — 2007-12-04T12:12:26-05:00

I am stressed the fuck out. I'm drowning!

no subject

raien — 2007-12-05T12:12:14-05:00

Water Chemistry report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade): DUE TWO WEEKS AGO!

~~Week 12 response for Communities and Social Change: DUE MONDAY THE 26TH~~

~~Presentation about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership: Due Wednesday the 28th~~

~~Presentation about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (20% of grade): Due Monday the 3rd~~

~~3-page position paper for Civic Engagement House: Due Monday the 3rd~~

Sediment Report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade): Due Friday the 7th

15-20-page paper about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (40% of grade): Due Monday the 10th

10-15-page paper about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership (30% of grade): Due Wednesday the 12th

Intro to Sociology final exam (25% of grade): Thursday the 20th

no subject

raien — 2007-12-05T12:12:43-05:00

I used to write. I used to write brilliantly.

Now all I do is bitch.

I'm so stressed out about getting decent grades and not failing out of this ridiculous, pretentious Ivy League school that my parents are shelling out $50k a year for... that I've forgotten how to learn and how to express myself.

I am so sad about this.

It is truly a loss.

no subject

raien — 2007-12-06T01:12:47-05:00

Grumble. One of the other supervisors just asked if I could work for him tonight. But I have worked every night since Sunday! Grumble.

Oh well.

I will be making BANK

no subject

raien — 2007-12-07T10:12:22-05:00

My life has become a series of bad choices.

And one of those bad choices is sleeping in my bed. Dammit.

I don't know why I do this to myself.

It's really bad for my sense of self worth...

I'm not even sure I have a sense of self worth anymore.

Dammit.

no subject

raien — 2007-12-08T08:12:08-05:00

I have made some very bad choices this weekend.

Including the choice for my weekend to begin on Wednesday.

Egor the Russian was another bad choice.

Do you know what's way worse than going home with a guy from a bar?

Taking a guy from a bar home to your place.

And it's even worse when you're more fucked up than he is.

I am neither emotionally nor mentally stable enough to handle random sex with men who don't care about me. I tell myself this every time. Then I do it again and again.

Also: I just woke up. And I thought, hmm why is it dark at 8am?
IT'S 8PM!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!

no subject

raien — 2007-12-09T12:12:07-05:00

My tattoo is so gross and scabby.

I just want it to heal and be pretty again!

Also, my nose ring fell out while I was sleeping and closed up :(

Sad.

no subject

raien — 2007-12-09T02:12:01-05:00

Dear Whitney,

It's crunch time.

Stop fucking around.

Love,
Whitney

no subject

raien — 2007-12-10T10:12:56-05:00

Last night Joe and I decided to prepare for a long night of paper writing in the library.

So we went to the grocery store to pick up the essentials. We each got 3 energy drinks, a giant bottle of water, a pack of cigarettes, gum, and a bar of chocolate.

Good choices all around.

I have lost about 5 pounds in the last week. I have an eating disorder and a drug problem. Go figure. I really need to deal with these health issues, but I just don't have time right now.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE

I just finished my final paper for Communities and Social Change. That means that one of my four classes is totally over with.

Woooooo hoooo!

no subject

raien — 2007-12-10T10:12:48-05:00

Water Chemistry report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade): DUE TWO WEEKS AGO!

~~Week 12 response for Communities and Social Change: DUE MONDAY THE 26TH~~

~~Presentation about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership: Due Wednesday the 28th~~

~~Presentation about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (20% of grade): Due Monday the 3rd~~

~~3-page position paper for Civic Engagement House: Due Monday the 3rd~~

Sediment Report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade): Due Friday the 7th

~~15-20-page paper about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (40% of grade): Due Monday the 10th~~

10-15-page paper about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership (30% of grade): Due Wednesday the 12th

Intro to Sociology final exam (25% of grade): Thursday the 20th

no subject

raien — 2007-12-13T11:12:03-05:00

Adam spent the night last night.

I think sex with him is the best I've ever had.

And he's just all around wonderful.

He's a great kisser, a great cuddler, and a great fuck. I've found few men who possess all three of those valuable skills.

Yeeeeeees. So satisfied.

no subject

raien — 2007-12-13T11:12:26-05:00

Water Chemistry report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade): DUE TWO WEEKS AGO!

~~Week 12 response for Communities and Social Change: DUE MONDAY THE 26TH~~

~~Presentation about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership: Due Wednesday the 28th~~

~~Presentation about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (20% of grade): Due Monday the 3rd~~

~~3-page position paper for Civic Engagement House: Due Monday the 3rd~~

Sediment Report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade): Due Friday the 7th

~~15-20-page paper about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (40% of grade): Due Monday the 10th~~

~~10-15-page paper about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership (30% of grade): Due Wednesday the 12th~~

Intro to Sociology final exam (25% of grade): Thursday the 20th

no subject

raien — 2007-12-19T09:12:20-05:00

I am FUCKED. Neither of my lab reports is finished. And I have a killer final tomorrow. And I have to work tonight and tomorrow night. Dammit. And I didn't sleep at all last night. BUT I did see Young Frankenstein on Broadway. It might be my new favorite musical. It was AMAZING. Just... so cool. They did things on stage that I have just never seen before... I highly recommend it. Plus, Megan Mulullay (Karen from Will and Grace) is WONDERFUL. The whole cast is FABULOUS!! SEE IT!!! But seriously, I am fucked.

no subject

raien — 2007-12-20T04:12:11-05:00

~~Water Chemistry report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade): DUE TWO WEEKS AGO!~~

~~Week 12 response for Communities and Social Change: DUE MONDAY THE 26TH~~

~~Presentation about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership: Due Wednesday the 28th~~

~~Presentation about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (20% of grade): Due Monday the 3rd~~

~~3-page position paper for Civic Engagement House: Due Monday the 3rd~~

Sediment Report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade)

~~15-20-page paper about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (40% of grade): Due Monday the 10th~~

~~10-15-page paper about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership (30% of grade): Due Wednesday the 12th~~

~~Intro to Sociology final exam (25% of grade): Thursday the 20th~~

There are so many movies out that I want to see!

raien — 2007-12-23T12:12:57-05:00

Sweeney Todd
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Atonement (maybe...my mum wants to see it)
Into the Wild
Charlie Wilson's War
Juno
Enchanted

Of course I can't go see any of them until I finish this damn lab report...

xoxo
Whitney
The Eternal Procrastinator

no subject

raien — 2007-12-24T01:12:30-05:00

I tried to finish my lab report.

I had two anxiety attacks instead.

I vomited until I was puking nothing but blood and bile.

I have been defeated.

I am so depressed. Absolutely depressed.

:(

no subject

raien — 2007-12-24T11:12:03-05:00

Ok. So I turned in my unfinished lab report to my professor and told him to just grade what I had and give me a zero for the rest. He replied and said that he would give me until Wednesday night to finish the report.

Not what I wanted. I really just wanted to be done with the damn thing. I can't relax until its over. And I need to relax so badly.

This lab report is going to haunt me forever. Well I guess until Wednesday night. I'm not even sure if that's enough time to finish it, even if I worked from now until then without sleeping... which I will not do. I cannot abuse stimulants any more because my poor nose keeps bleeding and I've started to chain smoke neurotically. None of that. Will not do it.

I guess I will just work on it until Wednesday night... I have been working on it for a few hours tonight. On the bright side, the professor told me I could get an A- in the class if I did really well on this report.

An A- would be awesome... especially since I have busted my ass for this class.

I just need to stay calm and focus.

By the way, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

xoxo
Sunk in this lab
But hopefully not sunk for too much longer

Whitney

no subject

raien — 2007-12-27T05:12:15-05:00

Ok, so it's 5am, which SUCKS, but...

~~Water Chemistry report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade): DUE TWO WEEKS AGO!~~

~~Week 12 response for Communities and Social Change: DUE MONDAY THE 26TH~~

~~Presentation about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership: Due Wednesday the 28th~~

~~Presentation about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (20% of grade): Due Monday the 3rd~~

~~3-page position paper for Civic Engagement House: Due Monday the 3rd~~

~~Sediment Report for Environmental Measurements (20% of grade)~~

~~15-20-page paper about Manhattanville and the Harlem Community for Communities and Social Change (40% of grade): Due Monday the 10th~~

~~10-15-page paper about Rachel Carson for Women and Leadership (30% of grade): Due Wednesday the 12th~~

~~Intro to Sociology final exam (25% of grade): Thursday the 20th~~

YAY! I finally finished my final lab! It was 33 pages long... SO damn intense.

Maybe I will do ok in that class... I haven't got any of my grades yet. Eagerly awaiting... hopefully they'll be good!

I AM FINALLY FINISHED WITH THE FALL 2007 SEMESTER!

And tomorrow I'm going shopping to celebrate :)

Plus, I got some neat stuff for X-mas.

Yay, I am just so relieved to be done with this stupid lab. Yay yay yay.

Now it's time to sleeeeeeeep.

no subject

raien — 2007-12-28T01:12:30-05:00

I got an A in my Women and Leadership class! Yay!

Now I'm just waiting for three more grades...

Impatiently,

Whitney

no subject

raien — 2007-12-29T05:12:17-05:00

Ok, if I lose 10 pounds before classes start on the 22nd of January, I will buy myself a brand new handbag. A really fabulous one... I'm scoping out this handbag by Lucky... It's SO beautiful. $228 though... But I have $100 gift card to Nordstrom and I can buy something there, return it, and get cash back. I wish they just carried the bag there... I saw it at Lord and Taylor. But they also have it at Macy's too...

But who knows. I might change my mind again.

Tomorrow I start going to the gym.

I have been smoking too much pot and munching out. I need to lose some weight pronto.

xoxo

Whitney

no subject

raien — 2007-12-29T08:12:41-05:00

My friend had a miscarriage a few weeks ago. She was about four months pregnant. She didn't call me or anything... I think she was very, very depressed.

She tried to kill herself.

I just... Well, it's too real for me to deal with. Babies and marriage and getting a 9 to 5 job and whatnot. Growing up? No thanks. I don't plan on doing that for a loooooong time.

I really feel for this girl. She's my best friend from high school. She just turned 19. I know she wanted that baby... But honestly, her boyfriend--who has since dumped her and moved out of their apartment--already has a kid with another woman. And another one on the way. So he would have had 3 children. And he's not man enough to take care of any of them. Asshole.

Seriously. What a mess.

no subject

raien — 2007-12-29T08:12:02-05:00

You know what really annoys me?

Random friend/acquaintance/someone I barely know, etc: Hey, Whitney, can you sell me some {insert drug name here}

Me: Uh.... no

Random whoever: You have some, don't you?

Me: Uh.... yes

Random whoever: Well can I buy some?

Me: Uh.... no.

I just don't get it. People are dumb as shit. They assume that because I do drugs, I obviously must sell drugs. Uhhh. No. Not how it works. Yes, I have drugs, but they're mine... for me... I don't go through the trouble of getting drugs for you, random whoever.

This happens to me all the time.

It is SO annoying.

People I haven't talked to since high school will call me and ask to buy weed from me. I don't sell weed!

no subject

raien — 2007-12-31T05:12:56-05:00

JUST BOUGHT PLANE TICKETS TO SAN FRANCISCO!

Oh yay oh yay oh yay!

I leave on the 8th and return on the 16th.

I am going to have a DAMN GOOD TIME.

SO EXCITED!

no subject

raien — 2007-12-31T10:12:42-05:00

I am being really lame.

I am just staying at home on New Years. By myself.

My friends are all at parties.

But I just feel like being a piece of shit I guess.

So I turned my phone off.

I think I might just go to bed.

Happy New Year, Mindsay!

raien — 2008-01-03T08:01:54-05:00

I just got back from visiting my friend Sam in Virginia- I haven't seen her in two years! We were friends back in Elementary school; way way way back we were Brownies together when we were five. Along with my other friend Erin (who I am still very close with), we used to go to Sam's grandmother's farmhouse every year for Sam's birthday. We were the Three Musketeers. We always played in the woods and rode horses and just had a damn good wholesome time. In 6th grade, Sam moved into the house right next to her grandmother's. Erin and I continued to visit her annually, but we are both terrible at keeping in touch.

The last time I saw her was January 06, at her birthday party. It was awesome to get to see her again. She really hasn't changed at all. (I wonder if I have?) It's a 1.5 hour drive so Erin and I left here at about 4pm yesterday. We went out to dinner (Olive Garden!) after we got there and hung out- the three of us plus Sam's boyfriend of 3 years, Tyler, who is such a sweetheart.

I am SO glad we went. And we went shopping at the HUGE mall near Sam's house (even though I despise suburban sprawl, a little mall shopping is great once in a while). I bought a really hot purple tiger stripe bra at Victoria's Secret (all women and males with lucky female friends, hit up the semi-annual sale ASAP!) and a cute jacket at H&M. Damn I love post-holiday sales.

Other news:
1. I am currently writing my essays for my study abroad program next fall. And when I say currently writing, I mean about to start. As soon as I finish procrastinating.
2. I got my grades for the semester: A in Women and Leadership, A- in Intro Sociology, A- in Environmental Measurements, and B+ in Communities and Social Change. I did pretty okay. Could have been better, but could have been worse.
3. Kyle (my ex-boyfriend) tried to hook-up with me the other day. I pushed him away and told him it wasn't a good idea (which it wasn't). Yay me for making a good decision!
4. I have a HUGE crush on my hookup buddy. A HUGE crush. I'm not really sure what to do about it, because I'm pretty sure he's just looking for sex (which is fine by me, it's REALLY great sex), but he's such a great cuddler and I love kissing him and he says really sweet things to me and... sigh. I think I will just keep on keepin on... more serious things aren't gonna happen with him. But that's okay. Plus, I honestly don't think I'm going to have time for a relationship this semester.
5. I turned in my application for a summer study program in Brazil in the beginning of December. In the beginning of November I got an email saying I would be informed of my admission status on December 21st. A few days after the 21st I got an email saying I would hear by the 1st of January. I STILL have not heard anything. Very annoying. I need to know if I got in because I have to start making plans for the summer... I want to do something really awesome.
6. I am SO ready to go back to New York. Moreso I am just really ready to be away from home. My parents are driving me completely batshit insane. I leave for Cali on the 8th and come back the 16th. I think I might head back to New York on the 17th.... Or the 18th. Because I'm lazy.

Well. I am officially really boring.

Also, I need to stop eating so much food. I am a friggin whale. But whatevs.

Time for essays.

xoxo
Whitney

Very bored at work... and it's VERY early (7:30)

raien — 2008-01-04T07:01:42-05:00

Mercilessly blognapped from logicgurl

1. What were you doing at 3:02am this morning?
Sleepin. I went to bed at 11pm last night. And I was up by 5:45 this morning. This is the first time I've seen morning (or even early afternoon lol) in a loooooong time.
2. What is the first thing you thought this morning?
Damn, it's early. I don't want to go to work. And I really don't want to get out of bed.
3. Is the person you have a crush on older or younger than you?
Older.
4. What did you do last night?
Worked on my application to study abroad next fall.
5. What do you hope to do this weekend?
I need to finish my application, make Matt's picture frame, and finish Lill's dreamcatcher. I'm working Saturday and Sunday nights, but hopefully I will be able to squeeze in some fun sometime...
6.Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
Uh no. I would say probably not. But hey, I'm open to all possibilities.
7. What song are you listening to?
The freezer in the market is buzzing. Annoyingly.
9. How's your heart lately?
Ummm I haven't asked. We don't talk much.
10. What were you doing at 7 AM this morning?

Punching in at work.
11. What are you doing at 12 tomorrow?
12pm? Hopefully I'll be awake by then, getting stuff done. 12am? Probably just hangin out.
13. Are you Okay?
Sure.
14. What was the reason you last cried?
My insane 40-page lab report that I turned in two weeks late.
15. What was the last movie you saw in theaters?
Juno. It was GREAT.
18. Have you ever driven without a license?
Nope.
19. How many red lights have you ran?
Not sure. A couple. But I really try not to.
21. Have you ever cried while taking a shower?
Probably.
25. Have you ever, in any way, been betrayed by someone you trusted?
Uh yes. And fuck that.
26. When was the last time you were given roses?
A long time ago. I really don't like roses.
27. Is there anything that you are craving for right now?
Eh. Kind of. But I'm not going to admit it.
28. Where did your last hug take place?
Naketa hugged me when I came into work. She is sooo awesome.
29. Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
Occasionally. People screw up my last name all the time. Which is kind of ridiculous.
31. Do you drink tea?
Oh I looooove tea. Yerba mate. So good.
32. When was the last time you saw a cop?
When I was having coffee at the Double T the other day. There were several of them. Yuck.
33. Did you ride in someone else's car today?
Nope.
34. Do you wet the toothbrush before the toothpaste?
Before and after.
35. Does someone like you?
Uh yes. And it's drivin me nuts.
36. What do you like on your toast?
I like variance. Butter sometimes. Sometimes jelly. Peanutbutter's great too. So is cheeeeeese!
37. What was the last movie you saw?
Once. It was sweet. Very laidback.
38. Do you watch the news daily?
Nope.
40. Do you like to press the coin return button on everything for free money?
Nah.
41. Do you clean when you're upset?
Nope. I wish I did though.
42. When do you want to get married?
Some day in the future I guess. But maybe I'll never get married.
43. What day of the week did/will your birthday fall on this year?
No idea and I'm too lazy to look it up.
44. Are you wearing socks?
Nope. But I am wearing heels.
46. Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
Ha ha ha NO.
47. Have you ever seen "Walk the Line"?
Yes. It's really good.
48. Do you still get easter baskets?
No :(
49. When was the last time it snowed?
Not sure. My windshield was frosty this morning though!
50. Are puddles the best part about rain?
Nah. The best part about rain is sitting inside where it's dry and snugglin with someone.
51. What's the closest pink thing to you?
A post-it.
52. Do you have plans for tonight?
Get off work, hang out with Matt, smoke, go to the Polyester show at DUMC, then who knows.
53. Do you know anybody named Shea?
Yeah, actually. But I think he spells it differently.
54. Are sunsets romantic?
Sure. Sunsets can be anything you want them to be.
55. Have any cool scars?
Yeah, a few. And tattoos are kind of like scars. I have several of those.
56. Do you know anyone?
Uhhhhhh. I know a couple people.... And I know people who know people.
57. Can you sing all the RENT songs by heart?
YES. Did that in the car on the way home from Virginia yesterday.
58. Red or green apples?
Either.
59. Do you know anyone who's pregnant?
Not personally.
61. Can you make brownies without having to look at the directions?
Probably. But from-scratch brownies are the best.
61. Do you like Juicy Fruit gum?
Yeah. I'm not super picky about gum.
62. Are crayons better than colored pencils?
I prefer colored pencils I think.
63. Do you have hairspray in your hair?
No. I don't use product ever.
64. What room are you in right now?
The lobby at the SpingHill.
65. What were you doing at 9:23 this morning?
It's not 9:23 yet! I will probably still be sitting here, waiting for work to end.
66. Have you brushed your teeth yet today?
Yes.
69. When's the last time you ran?
HA HA HA. I don't want to talk about it.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-04T10:01:57-05:00

Still bored at work.

FAVORITES

raien — 2008-01-04T12:01:29-05:00

Book: Hmm. That's hard. It's a tie between Lolita, Brave New World, and The Cider House Rules.

Movie: Also hard. Paris Je T'aime or Pulp Fiction maybe. I love Blow too.

Play: Rent... or A Chorus Line. Damn I'm bad at making choices.

Magazine: High Times :)

Artist: Vincent van Gogh

Author: Nabokov

Actor: Johnny Depp

Actress: Mary Louise Parker

Super hero: Batman

Cartoon character: Brian from Family Guy

Presidential candidate: Uhhhhh. Hillary.

City: Amsterdam or New York

Country: Haven't been to enough to decide. I'll let you know.

Vacation destination: So far? Belize. Or Yellowstone National Park.

Car: One that runs. I am really not picky about cars.

Color: Mustard yellow

Cold beverage: Coke Zero

Hot beverage: Yerba Mate Latte

Alcoholic beverage: Tequila shots with lime and salt (yummmm)

Drug: Seriously? No comment. But probably LSD. Or shrooms.

Chip: Barbecue! Or Salt and Vinegar

Cheese: I looooove cheese. Brie might be my favorite.

Lifesaver: The clear/whitish ones

Starburst: All of them are delish... pink might be best

Ice cream: Neopolitan

Profession: Owner of a social development/environmental conservation non-profit in Africa

School subject: Sociology, Environmental Science

College: Barnard! I want to go to Harvard or Stanford for grad school

Sport: Horseback riding

Boardgame: I haven't played a boardgame in years. I used to really love Candyland though!

Card game: Apples to Apples

Music genre: I don't restrict myself to one genre.

Band: Right now? This minute? Hmmm. I am really into Sigur Ros. But Death Cab is a lovely standby.

Recreational activity (day): Smokin pot and chillin.

Recreational activity (night): Smokin pot and chillin. Maybe goin out. And sex. Does that count?

Gender: Well I like both... I mean I like boys romantically, but chicks are cool too.

Body part: Biceps (not my biceps though. ugh. don't remind me)

Hair color: Dark

Eye color: Green

Dream: Hmmm. Maybe eternal happiness? No idea really

no subject

raien — 2008-01-05T05:01:05-05:00

I got a sweet new phone.

And it's ORANGE.

YES.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-06T05:01:16-05:00

If I don't come home for the summer, then this might be my last shift at the hotel EVER.

Kinda sad.

This job has treated me pretty well I think.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-08T04:01:00-05:00

I am on my way

To Californ I A

Amen.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-14T03:01:50-05:00

I can't believe I leave San Fran on Wednesday! I've been having a fucking blast. I got here on Tuesday and it's been more or less a nonstop party ever since. My friend Lill and I did some shopping and general meandering on Wednesday. Then we met up with my friend Jackie and hookahed at this awesome bar downtown. The three of us crashed at Jackie's after trekking to her house (we walked for 2 and a half fucking hours at like 3am).

On Thursday we did some more shopping and meandering. We slept pretty late and didn't get a ton accomplished, but we had a pretty good time. Went bowling! (I won't tell you what I bowled. I am the WORST bowler ever.) On Friday Lill and I slept all day (which has kind of become a pattern), then drove to Santa Cruz where her friend Sidney was having a party. Pretty fun, very dramatic. It got busted by the cops twice, then this girl who was Sid's roommate's occasional hook-up lost her marbles and was in total hysterics for about 6 hours. Girl would not stop crying and yelling and slamming into stuff. Total nutjob.

We explored Santa Cruz on Saturday. Did some shopping (I bought a cute shirt and flipflops) and smoked a blunt on the beach while the sun set. I saw the Pacific for the first time! So beautiful. And the weather was absolutely gorgeous. That night I stayed in and slept, but Lill and Co. went and partied. Apparently it was a good time. They woke me up when they came in at 5am and we all took some bong rips. Sweeeet.

We woke up really late today... didn't get out and about until about 2:00. I had AMAZING food at Brasil Cafe... veggie benedic with tomatoes and avocado and an acai smoothie. Then we drove back to SF and got to see the sunset over the ocean during the ride up Route 1. After we got to Lill's house we ate with her parents and chilled. I finished an application for a fellowship and she passed out.

Hopefully tomorrow will be more productive. There's still so much that I want to see and I only have 2 days left! Including... the seals in the harbor, Twin Peaks, Golden Gate Park, the Bay Bridge, and UC Berkeley. I think Lill and I are going to try and ride Tandem bikes in the park and have a picnic.

I might go to bed now so I can wake up early tomorrow.

Night night!

xoxo

Whitney

Some good news

raien — 2008-01-14T04:01:53-05:00

I got into the SEE-U summer study program in Brazil! Yay! Of course the program costs $8700 (gulp), but I got a $2700 scholarship, so I only have to track down six grand (again, gulp). Which means I'll be spending 5 weeks in the rainforests of Brazil in May and June. Whoooo! (And it also means that I'll probably be graduating college a semester early, which is hopefully good too.)

Spring Semester

raien — 2008-01-14T04:01:29-05:00

This is going to be a busy semester. But hopefully it will be successful. I really want to do well. Here's all the shit I'm doing:

Civic Engagement House

Some sort of internship (hopefully with the Borough President's Office, fingers crossed...)

Secretary and Pledge Chair for ADP

Sophomore Facilitator for the Emerging Leaders Program

Supervisor at the calling center

Spring break trip to Death Valley for geological research

BUT I'll only have classes Monday through Wednesday, which will be AMAZING. A four day weekend every week! (But I'll be working/interning on Thursdays and Fridays, hopefully making a little bit of money) Of course my schedule's still yet to be finalized, because I didn't get into one of the classes that I wanted. My own stupid fault because I stupidly forgot to sign up when I was supposed to. Stupid. Then the class filled up. But the good news is that there are now 3 spots open (people must have dropped), so I might be able to squeeze into one of them. Hopefully. I really want to take the class too... It's Agricultural and Urban Land Use. May sound boring to you, but exiciting to me. I'm a huge nerd (note that I'm doing geological research on spring break instead of getting wasted in Cancun).

Since I'll be graduating early I only have four more semesters at Barnard, only three really because one of them will be abroad (hopefully). Wow. I'm thinking about going to grad school afterwards. Maybe take a year off in between. Lill and I are going to look at UC Berkeley. I think I'll really like it. It has the 2nd rated Sociology department in the country. And it's just a bunch of hippies really. So I've heard. Can't wait to check it out for myself. Plus, tutition is a lot cheaper than a private school. Especially if I move to Cali after I graduate, spend a year working, then get in-state tuition. Just an idea that I'm tossin around.

I've updated hella times tonight. But I feel as if I haven't written anything about what's going on in my life lately. Not too much I guess... I actually did get a few things accomplished over break. Turned in my study abroad application. I really, really hope I get accepted to the program. I haven't really thought of any alternatives. I think I'll be called for an interview pretty soon. I'm hoping that I know whether I'm in or not by mid-February. That would be ideal. Then I would have a little time to scrounge around for other programs if I had to. I think most deadlines are March 1st or April 1st.

And I've applied for a couple of jobs/internships. I finished my app for the Borough President's Office Fellowship today. I did solid work on the app, but they only give out 6 fellowships. I just hope I'll be one of them. I also applied for an environmental advocacy job with Green Corps and they wanted me to go interview this week, but I'm still not back in NYC. Haven't heard yet whether they'll be willing to interview me later. Other than that... I'd like to just work my supe job three nights a week (Sun, Wed, and Thurs- 12 hr/wk), then do the other internship, wherever it is, for about 8 hours, hopefully all day Thursday. Then I can have Fridays and Saturdays free of obligations (except for pledge events, which will be plentiful but fun). It would be a real plus if my internship was paid. The BP's fellowship is unpaid, but has a $1000 stipend. Not too shabby. My savings account is really depleted. It's seriously scary. I am BROKE. And I need hella dough to pay for Brazil and drugs and hos and stuff.

Hopefully I lost a couple of pounds over break. But I'm probably shitting myself. Which is sad. I wanted to lose 10 pounds, but there's no way in hell that that happened. Oh well. My fat self will just wallow forver. Whatevs.

Think I'm gonna hit the sack now.

Love, grace, and Coke Zero,

Whitney

no subject

raien — 2008-01-17T03:01:56-05:00

Back from California.

Had a blast.

Now it's time to escape from this drug-induced haze and decide what on earth I'm going to do with my life this semester.

Hopefully I'll hear about my study abroad application soon... If I don't get into the International Honors Program I have NO idea what I will do. Probably cry.

Forever mystified by Tom Cruise,

Whitney xoxo

no subject

raien — 2008-01-17T04:01:43-05:00

Realization:

Brazil is REALLY far away.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-17T05:01:52-05:00

So that class I'm trying to get into is full again. ARGGGGGG. I absolutely have to get into it. If I don't, my entire schedule is going to be fucked. Grrrrr. Shit had better work out.

I have a ton of stuff to do... Mostly scholarship applications. I am just realllllly tired of writing essays.

But shit needs to get done.

Bleh.

xoxo

It's time to reinvent. It's time to make some changes. It's time for a new me.

raien — 2008-01-19T07:01:52-05:00

no subject

raien — 2008-01-21T04:01:17-05:00

I need to lose hella weight. 20 pounds by the end of the semester (so mid-May). Plan: Don't eat too much. Stop smoking weed. Work out 3-5 times per week.

I seriously need to do this for myself. Not for anyone else... for me. I just can't feel good about anything I accomplish when looking in the mirror results in tears and pathetic blubbering.

I go back to school tomorrow. And Operation: Don't Be A Fattie starts NOW.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-21T06:01:04-05:00

I'm back at school. Back in my apartment, all settled in and unpacked.

Now I just need something TO DO TONIGHT.

Yessssss.

A little bit happier now.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-22T12:01:46-05:00

I have a whole agenda for tomorrow.

Shit needs to get DONE.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-22T11:01:17-05:00

Went for a run.

40 minutes, about 3 miles maybe a little more

Operation: Don't Be A Fattie has commenced!

wooooo

Fo sho.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-22T10:01:32-05:00

Finished one essay. Still have three more to go.... BALLS.

This essay was for one scholarship...

The other three are for another scholarship...

At least I have one application completed.

And I still haven't heard about my study abroad application status. GULP. I hope I hear soon...

no subject

raien — 2008-01-23T01:01:58-05:00

Went to the registrar to change my status from sophomore to junior (I'm graduating early, yay! But kind of scary that I'm a junior...)

And they told me that they didn't know how to do it...

So they told me to email the registrar.

What the fuck.

And I still haven't found out anything about the Agricultural and Urban Land Use class.... Urggg.

And I find out after 5pm today whether I got into the Social Entrepreneurship class.

Glug glug glug.

SO much shit to take care of...

And still THREE more essays to write. Agggggg.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-24T12:01:21-05:00

Didn't write any essays today.

If I don't get that application in on time I will hate myself forever.
That would be such a waste of an opportunity...

But I did completely revamp my resume today.
It looks pretty fucking sweet.

Interview with the Manhattan Borough President's Office tomorrow morning.
Wish me luck!

Went to the Heights after work with some coworkers.
Had a Corona. Didn't need the calories, but it was tasty.
I'm really going to try to be social.
It's nice to have friends.

xoxo

no subject

raien — 2008-01-24T04:01:12-05:00

Stupid quote of the day, authored by this girl I used to kind of know...

"I've done most of Europe already- Ireland, Scotland, Wales, England, and France."

Dear God.

DUMB.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-25T09:01:50-05:00

Ughhhhh.

So fucked up last night.

And I have SO much shit to do today.... Whhhhhy dooo I fuck myself ovvvver?

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raien — 2008-01-25T01:01:31-05:00

My job interview went really, really well... but I found out that over *100* people interviewed for the 6 positions. HA. And I know four other people who interviewed, and they're all highly qualified.

FUCK.

Still haven't written those essays. Need to get on that asap. Like now.

Ooooh BUT I got into Social Entrepreneurship! YAY! And I found out that my Theorizing Civic Engagement course will count for my major.

Exxxxxcellent.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-25T02:01:33-05:00

I just accidentally spent $200. Whoops.

I was just walking home.. and I saw that this store--a ridiculously overpriced store--was having a sale, 30% off all clothing. So I go in, browse, try about a half dozen things on. Find three items (all overpriced) that I really like. Saleslady tells me that I can get 40% off if I pay in cash. So I go to the ATM

1. A gorgeous grey cardigan that I will definitely be able to wear to nice things.... and it's so comfy.
       Originially $140, purchased for $88
2. A really cute grey sweater with a checked pattern on the front
       Orginially $72, purchased for $43
3. A cute top with a really flattering neckline... will be cute with boots and leggings
       Originally $50, purchased for $30

Total: $161

GASP.

Thennnn I went to Duane Reade because I am basically out of bath products. Like everything.
I bought
Shampoo
Conditioner
Soap (8 bars... they were on sale)
razors (which are stupidly expensive)
Toothpaste
Some nice foaming face wash by Clearasil (it's green tea and peppermint! and it was 50% off!)
Eye makeup remover
Body wash (I usually only use soap, but this smells soooo good and it's exfoliating and it was 50% off)

Total: $51

DOUBLE GASP.

Whatever.

I am going to go for a run and then take a shower. I can't waiiiit to use all of my new products!

no subject

raien — 2008-01-26T01:01:02-05:00

Uhhhhhhg I was smoking at my friend's suite last night and campus security busted in. It was AWFUL. That never happens and it makes me nervous about smoking in my room... The cop told everyone to go, except Chris and Kevin, who live in the room we were smoking in, so I don't think I'll get in trouble, but I really hope they don't get in trouble... Especially since Chris deals...

Then I came home. And ate a horrendous amount of food.

Really, really, really horrendous.

I ate all of my leftover ravioli from dinner (Erin came over last night and we ordered Italian take-out and watched American Psycho). Then I make pancakes for god's sake.

But, on that note, they may have been the world's most delicious pancakes. (Emily: Last time you bought me chocolate chip pancake mix it made the greatest pancakes ever. This time, you bought me CHOCOLATE chocolate chip pancake mix! OMG! SOOOO good. AND... I put banana in it. So friggin good. You need to come visit asap so we can eat some pancakes together. And do other fun stuff. Like see Mel Brooks' Young Frankenstein on Broadway.)

Anyway.

I am going to stop smoking weed. Seriously. No more.

It's done.

I have to lose weight. And I have to start coming home at a reasonable time because I can't fuck up this semester. I can't fuck up at all.

xoxo

GOIN' TO THE PLANETARIUM

no subject

raien — 2008-01-27T12:01:19-05:00

I will potentially be going to Bologna from Wednesday, March 26th to Monday March 31st.

It would be really nice if I could leave on Tuesday and come back on Monday, but we'll see...

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raien — 2008-01-27T01:01:10-05:00

So, yet again, I have totally fucked myself over.

I'm skipping work.

I really need the fucking money.

But I can't fail my fucking classes.

And, I am a total fat ass.

Dammit dammit dammit.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-27T03:01:55-05:00

I've written one out of the three essays due tomorrow for my scholarship application.

I've had like 3 months to do this....

I suck, royally.

I have to finish them tonight, then hand-deliver them to the Morgan Stanley office tomorrow... because there's no way that I'm paying for same-day shipping.

NOT TO MENTION how much reading I have to do... And all of this should have been done this weekend.

God I suck.

But who the fuck cares.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-29T01:01:02-05:00

I finished my Morgan Stanley essays and turned in the application...

I doubt I'll get the internship, but it would be soooo cool.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-29T10:01:07-05:00

I am getting two pet rats.

I am SO excited.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-29T12:01:08-05:00

Got my Women's Business Alliance Scholarship app in the mail this morning.

The lines at the post office were ridiculous, so I was late for my 11:30 appointment at Career Development. Oops. But it was a good appointment (career skills assessment) and Geri didn't seem annoyed that I was late.

Of course, that meeting ran long so I was late for my 12:30 appointment with Damian, but he's late too (it's quarter til and he's not here yet), so no worries.

Lots of reading today... But that's ok. I'm free after 6pm! I might go get my rats!

no subject

raien — 2008-01-29T10:01:52-05:00

I am absolutely thrilled to introduce...

(drumrollllll please)

Clover and Cora

:)

They are beyond wonderful.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-29T11:01:42-05:00

I was on craigslist and I started browsing the pets section. It made me too sad and I had to stop... Poor pets without loving homes.

Another sad thing: Rats are often bought as food for snakes and other reptiles... It makes me want to go to every pet store in the city and save all of them :( At least Cora and Clover will never be eaten by a snake...

xoxo

no subject

raien — 2008-01-30T12:01:00-05:00

Apparently Clover's favorite spot is in my sleeve. She's sitting there and chattering... profusely. Every once in a while she sticks her nose into my armpit. Which tickles.

Cora just chills on the back of my neck.

Rats are basically the perfect animals.

But there are only 39 questions...

raien — 2008-01-30T11:01:01-05:00

Blognapped from eyesthefuture

40 questions

1. How bad is your road rage?
Not usually bad. I get pissed every so often if someone is particularly stupid.

2. What is the best and the worst movie you saw this summer?
Too long ago. But I saw Go the other day and it rocked. And I watched American Psycho and remembered how weird it is.

3. What’s your least favorite thing about your job?
Dealing with alums. I don't mind dealing with the callers, but I hate making calls myself.

4. What’s something that you find annoying - but other people don’t?
Poor grammar and punctuation.

5. Name three things you did this summer you’d never done before?
SCUBA diving... I can't think of any others. That was so long ago!

6. Do you like nuts in your brownies?
Yes. I like nuts. They're yummy. No innuendo there, or anything like that.

7. So - are you pumped for The Dark Knight or what?
Pumped, but deeply saddened by the Joker's untimely demise :(

8. What’s your favorite thing about your top four friends?
They know things about me that no one else knows.

8(a) What frustrates you about your top 4 friends.
Most of them don't live anywhere near me.

9. What do you put on your pancakes?
I like chocolate chip pancakes with no syrup. I was just thinking about pancakes too... Maybe I will make some...

10. Have you ever contemplated exactly what sleep is?
Yes. I know what sleep is, technically. Have you ever contemplated exactly what life is?

11. Are you an “over-analytical” or “go-with-the-flow” kind of person?
I am over-analytical, but I can go with the flow. I like to organize things, but I can drop everything and go on a roadtrip to Canada too. Just as an example.

12. Have you ever punched someone out of anger?
My brother when we were younger.

13. What would you say if someone told you to describe Coca-Cola?
Well, I prefer Coke Zero. There is definitely an acidic aftertaste though...

14. What’s your least favorite thing about your car?
Really, really, really bad gas mileage.

15. Are you wearing anything around your wrists?
I have a bracelet from Belize that I bought last summer. It hasn't been taken off. And I'm wearing a rat around my bicep :)

16. So are you any good at Guitar Hero?
I LOVE Guitar Hero. I'm not awful, but I make up for it in enthusiasm!

17. Would you like to have a roommate in a college dorm?
Ummm. No. I like my single. But I wish I lived with friends.

18. What’s your favorite search engine?
Google. Google "Get lucky" is good too. (Search for "Find Chuck Norris.")

19. Chris Rock or Chris Tucker?
Ummmm. Chris Rock is kind of funny sometimes.

20. Doesn’t Pepsi taste so much better than Coke?
I prefer Coke. Coke Zero, as previously stated.

21. Do you get along with your siblings?
I have one younger brother and I think we're starting to get along.

22. How many times have you got caught speeding?
Never. Knock on wood!

23. How late did you stay up last night?
2am.... Much later than I wanted to stay up.

24. What was the first thing you thought this morning?
Oh shit, I have a paper due in three hours. (And yet, I'm still answering this quiz...)

25. What did you do last night?
Ummmm I trekked downtown and bought my rats. Came back, set up their cage. Did some reading. Talked to Kyle. The usual.

26. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
Not sure. Probably not.

27. Have you ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
Yeah, I meant it (even if I didn't really know what I was saying).

28. How’s your heart lately?
Just chillin in my chest, I guess.

29. What were you doing this morning at 7am?
Sleeping. I wish I was still sleeping...

20. What were you doing this afternoon at 12pm?
It's not quite 12pm. But I will be reading "Not Just Black and White: Historical and Contemporary Perspectives on Immigration, Race, and Ethnicity in the United States."

21. What was the reason you last laughed?
My brother recommended a song to me, then told me to Limewire it. I told him that Limewire was illegal. He responded, "Pleeeease. You smoke more pot than Bob Marley. Don't try to tell me that Limewire's illegal." lol

22. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
Yes. Like every day of my life.

23. How many red lights have you run?
Probably just two or three. I try to be careful...

24. Have you ever cried while taking a shower?
Yes.

25. What was your least favorite grade?
B- in Intro Macro last spring. Grrrr.

26. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Talking to Kyle. Playing with my rats.

27. Have you ever, in any way, been betrayed by someone you trusted?
Yes.

26. When was the last time you were given flowers?
Last Valentine's Day.

27. Is there anything that you are craving right now?
Perfection.

29. Do people ever make mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
Yes. People pronounce my last name like "Huoot" which is so annoying... It's clearly "Hoot." Like the owl. Duh.

30. Have you ever started a sentence with No offense, but…?
No. That's a stupid way to start a sentence.

32. When was the last time you saw a police car?
I saw lots of cops yesterday, in the subway and on the street. Probably saw a cop car or two.

33. Did you ride in someone else’s car today?
Nope.

34. Have you made a mistake in the past week?
Yes, several.

36. Who was the last person to text you?
My brother? Or Lill.

37. Do you miss someone?
A few people.

38. Is there anything you regret about your past?
Not really. Regret is a pointless emotion. But I wish I wasn't fat.

39. What was the last movie you saw?
Go. Sooooo good. And before that, Children of Men. Another one of my absolute favorites.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-30T12:01:59-05:00

Clover and Cora = Cutest rodents EVER

Also, my schedule is finally perfect. Except I don't know where I'm interning, but hopefully I'll know soon...

I've realized: I don't like my job... But it pays well... And it's a management position, so it might help me get another management position later on. Agggg. I'm just going to stick with it.

Then I go abroad next fall! (Assuming I'll get into the program... gulp.)

Need to finish my reading then write the accompanying response paper... in the next 80 minutes.

I am dumb.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-31T12:01:55-05:00

Just spent several hundred dollars on textbooks. Not fun. Not fun at all.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-31T12:01:36-05:00

My tummy hurts.

And I spent all of my money on friggin textbooks. Not too happy about that.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-31T12:01:57-05:00

Whitney C. Hoot
Morgan Stanley Institutional Equity
Women’s College Fellowship Program
Essay Response #1

   Although I am majoring in Sociology, my academic interests range from English and Economics to Chemistry and American Studies. Choosing a major was incredibly difficult for me because I don’t really know where I’m headed in terms of my future career. I finally chose Sociology because I find the classes stimulating, the subject intriguing, and the professors distinguished. I also chose to minor in Environmental Science, which I hope will sustain my technical and analytical skills while enhancing my appreciation for the natural world. I certainly have no regrets about my choices (and I continue to thoroughly enjoy my academic program), but I am seeking other opportunities that will allow me to further expand my potential in the job market after I graduate from Barnard. It would be a huge honor and an amazing privilege to participate in the Morgan Stanley Institutional Equity Women’s College Fellowship Program; I would love to have the advantage of being exposed to a career in the financial services industry while working for such a powerful and esteemed firm.
   Although this is a simplistic and possibly juvenile interpretation of the modern working world, I have never really understood what exactly it is that people do all day. I know that my father is a Senior Manager at a large defense-contracting corporation, but I have no idea what really occurs in that world between the hours of 9 and 5. I imagine a schedule packed with board meetings and lengthy proposal-writing sessions, but I couldn’t possible explain how the pieces come together to form any sort of profitable output. I am incredibly curious and intrigued to step into this frighteningly adult-seeming sector of society. Rather than investigate defense-contracting (which I will gladly leave to engineers like my father), I hope that this Fellowship Program will elucidate the workings of the financial world, allowing me to see whether it is truly a realm that interests me.
   I have no conclusive ideas about my life after college and no definitive parameters for my future career, but that does not mean that I am without ambition. In fact, I think that I’m one of the most ambitious people I’ve ever encountered. I do not intend to measure my success by how much money I make (although that is admittedly a factor), but rather I will measure it by how much I accomplish and the level of my own personal job satisfaction. I believe that the financial sector is an industry in which one can truly make a difference, as long as one is willing to work hard; there are visible, incontrovertible results in the form of returns and revenues. I don’t know much about the technical details of finance, but I do know a lot about working with people and the importance of exemplary leadership. I have always enjoyed interacting with others and working on a team—and my Sociology major has undoubtedly strengthened my abilities in this area. I have an array of leadership experiences and I am definitely working towards being a leader in my eventual career, whatever that may be.
   I am creative, persistent, and analytically-minded. I have always chosen to have a busy schedule and if I’m not actively pursuing a goal, I feel somewhat useless. From what I know about finance (and from what I know about myself), I can assert that I absolutely have the drive and potential to succeed in this industry. I also know that I have the potential to well represent Barnard College and—on a larger scale—my gender as a whole. My hope now is that I will be given the opportunity to explore finance with Morgan Stanley through the Institutional Equity Women’s College Fellowship Program and determine if this field is where I belong.

Whitney C. Hoot
Morgan Stanley Institutional Equity
Women’s College Fellowship Program
Essay Response #2

   While all of my high school friends trekked up and down the east coast visiting prestigious universities and spent weeks filling out applications, I only applied to three colleges: Columbia, Barnard, and Goucher College in Maryland. I applied early decision to Columbia College; Barnard was my second choice and Goucher was my safety school. I knew that I wanted to be in New York City and I absolutely loved Columbia’s campus, so I was stubbornly unwilling to consider any other options. In December, I waited anxiously to hear from Columbia; I checked the mail everyday and called the admissions office more times than I would like to admit. When I finally got the letter informing me that I had been deferred to regular decision admission in the spring, I was absolutely crestfallen. I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t good enough; I had the right GPA, high test scores, and a slew of notable extra-curricular accomplishments, so why didn’t Columbia want me? After a few days of wallowing in self-pity, I began to compile a packet of updated information, including my new resume and some newspaper articles about my Girl Scout Silver Award, which I had recently earned. I began to build confidence again and I was sure that Columbia would accept me this time around.
   But in April, I got the rejection letter—the first time in my 18-years that I had ever been rejected from anything. That was, undoubtedly, the hardest week of my life. I was totally unprepared for the wave of self-doubt that washed over me as soon as I tore open that envelope, hands trembling. My mind was completely blown; I had always been one of the best, but I was forced to realize that there are lots of “bests”… and they all apply to the same ten colleges. When I was accepted to Barnard a week later, there was no accompanying sense of elation. Even though I had been accepted to one of the best liberal arts colleges in the country, and certainly the best women’s college in the country (in my opinion, at least), I still felt as if I had failed. I begrudgingly agreed to go to Barnard and my parents submitted my deposit by the deadline.
   It has taken me a long time to realize it, but getting rejected from Columbia was probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me. And getting accepted to Barnard is definitely one of my greatest personal achievements. I absolutely love Barnard College and my experience here has contributed so much to my personal development—as a student, as a future job holder, and, most importantly, as an individual. I didn’t get rejected from Columbia because I wasn’t good enough: I got rejected because Columbia wasn’t right for me. I unreservedly believe that Barnard is right for me. I love the community atmosphere that has formed around the members of the small student body. I love the programs that I have been fortunate enough to participate in, from the First-Year Reach-Out Program and the Civic Engagement House to the Alpha Delta Phi Literary Society and the Emerging Leaders Program. I have really been able to explore myself and realize my capabilities through the small seminars that I have been privileged to take and the faculty members who’ve been willing to spend time discussing my interests and aspirations.
   I also firmly believe in the importance of programs such as the Morgan Stanley Institutional Equity Women’s College Fellowship Program, in which I wouldn’t be entitled to participate if I had attended Columbia College. Barnard has given me—amidst four semesters of incredible personal and academic enrichment—the opportunity to understand the real meaning of gender and the implications of equity, a topic that I would love to explore further after being selected for this Fellowship Program.

Whitney C. Hoot
Morgan Stanley Institutional Equity
Women’s College Fellowship Program
Essay Response #3

   Since I have never independently investigated the workings of the stock market before, the process of finding a stock to recommend was lengthy but undoubtedly intriguing. After researching more than a dozen companies on Yahoo Finance, and being unsatisfied with each of them—American Apparel is embroiled in a sexual harassment lawsuit, Apple Inc. has an elevated P/E ratio, etc.—I decided to recommend Intel Corporation (INTC) as my best stock idea. Intel is a well-run company that was formed four decades ago, so I have faith in its longevity. I believe that Intel’s egalitarian business policies (even the CEO works in a cubicle) foster a unique experimental working environment that has the potential to promote great new ideas from within the corporation. This company has continued to introduce innovative products and technological developments to the market since its establishment; Intel is the world’s largest semi-conductor company and also the inventor of the x86 series of microprocessors, which are now found within most personal computer systems. In 2005, Apple Inc. switched from IBM to Intel processors in all future Mac computers; as a satisfied Mac-user myself, an Intel processor is currently assisting me greatly as I type this response.
   Intel closed yesterday at $20.00 per share. According to Yahoo Finance, the current 52-week range is $18.05 to $27.99 and the P/E ratio is 17.18 (less than 20), indicating that the stock is relatively inexpensive: it may be time to buy low (and then of course, sell high). After observing a 1-year and 5-year trend chart for INTC, I noticed a drop in stock price earlier this month; now the price is steadily inclining, a trend that will hopefully continue, as implied by the past fluctuations of the NASDAQ. Another important statistic that I have considered is the price-earnings/growth rate (PEG ratio). Intel’s current expected 5-year PEG ratio is 0.83, which is less than one, suggesting the potential for above average rates of return.
   Intel recently became the largest corporate purchaser of green power in the United States. I firmly believe that this will increase the stock’s appeal to investors, as the success of socially responsible businesses has been growing in this country over the past few years. The green industry is undeniably a growth industry and I advocate Intel’s investment in green energy on both a personal and practical level; the development of a new sustainable energy source is absolutely crucial to the continued vitality of this nation’s economy and the preservation of the environment is crucial to the survival of the planet. In 2005, Intel was named one of the 100 best companies for working mothers by Working Mothers Magazine. As a woman (and as a future member of the workforce), I believe that one must invest in corporations that promote forward-thinking social goals. Although Intel is not as progressive as many other modern businesses (such as Google), this corporation does have a Diversity Initiative that attempts to diversify the employees and management based on race, nationality, sexuality, religion, and gender. These factors and statistics signal Intel’s potential as an internationally successful company that will have both social and financial gains in the next few years as new innovations are introduced. One thing I learned while scanning pages of graphs and dozens of lines of statistics is that there is no ideal stock option; there is always risk and the opportunity for a crash, but I hope that my participation in the Morgan Stanley Institutional Equity Fellowship will allow me to make more educated stock choices, both in my personal investing and in my prospective future career.

no subject

raien — 2008-01-31T01:01:28-05:00

I want a new tattoo.

Like now.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-02T02:02:05-05:00

For some lame reason, I decided to stay up all night. Then I had to lead a group of first-year girls on a field trip at 9:30am.

I got back to my apartment at 1:30...fell asleep... and slept until 10pm.

Soooo I basically slept all day. Now I think I'm going to go back to sleep.

What I learned today: Cora and Clover definitely love blueberries.

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raien — 2008-02-02T03:02:29-05:00

I have been asleep for 19 of the past 24 hours.

Nice.

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raien — 2008-02-02T08:02:18-05:00

Ugh. I have not been very productive today...
I did my Death Valley reading and homework, but that's about it.
And I ate.
I'm going to be fat FOREVER.

I hate Sundays. They're so fucking packed.
Tomorrow I'm working from 11:30 to 6:30.
Then I have class from 7:30 to 9:00.
Then ADP from 9:00 to whenever...

Ack. Now I need to do all of my reading and questions for my Ag and Urban Land Use class.
Then write a cover letter for an internship... that I probably won't get.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-02T10:02:20-05:00

Just cut me one more line and baby that will do me just fine.

xo

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raien — 2008-02-02T11:02:06-05:00

No matter how far I lean
outside
my
open
window

the cold newyorkcityair
always
seems to blow the smoke back in--

--and the thin grey tendrils
waft
upwards
toward my ceiling covered in glowinthedark

stars

it kind of reminds me
of you.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-04T04:02:03-05:00

Never underestimate the climbing power of a rat.

Well, that was an adventure.

At 4am.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-05T12:02:42-05:00

L0NGEST SURVEY EVER iNVENTED.
+ known as: Whitney/Whit/Whitnasty/Hoot/HootHootBeepBeep (only to a select few)
+ haircolor: dark brown
+ eyecolor: green

SECTION 2 - HAVE YOU EVER..(True or False)
+ fallen off the bed? true
+ broken someone else's heart? true
+ had your heart broken? true
+ had a dream come true? true

SECTION 3 - CURRENTLY..
+ wearing: sweats, a tank top, and a blanket (obviously, I am feeling awesome)
+ listening to: my rats roughin each other up
+ chatting with: Emily
+ watching: The computer screen
+ should REALLY be doing: reading...or laundry...or writing a cover letter...definitely not taking this survey

SECTION 4 - DO YOU..
+ brush your teeth? yes
+ have any piercings? yes...lots
+ do you have a cell phone? yes and its ORANGE

SECTION 5 - THE LAST PERSON YOU..
+ talked to: in person? Kirsten
+ IMed/texted: My brother
+ talked with on the phone: Rachael
+ hugged: Imani
+ said 'i love you' to: No idea. It's been a while.

SECTION 7 - PERSONAL..
+ what do you want to be when you grow up? Fuck if I know. A party animal.
+ what comes first in your life? I'll let you know when I figure it out.

SECTION 8- FAVORITES..
+ movie: Children of Men
+ band: The Hush Sound
+ food: Indian... Spinach daal with naan and basmati rice.... yummmm
+ Color: Mustard yellow
+ like to walk in the rain? Nah
+ sleep on your side, stomach or back? whichever strikes my fancy
+ have the falling dream? Once in a while

10- THIS OR THAT..
+ pierced nose or tongue? both
+ BET or MTV? MTV
+ 7th heaven or dawsons creek? neither, thanks
+ chocolate or flowers? flowers... if they're the right kind.
+ stay up late or sleep in? BOTH
+ hot or cold? hot
+ sun or moon? sun
+ left or right ? umm...I'm an ambi-turner :)
+ 10 acquaintances or one best friend? I mean, I guess one bff
+ mustard or ketchup? BOTH
+ spring or fall? fall!
+ happy or sad? happy (duh?)
+ wonder or amazement? amazement
+ McDonald's or Burger King? McDonald's... but I'd rather have Chipotle
+ mexican or italian food? Mexican

SECTION 11: FIRSTS..
+ first screen name: catsrulewh (I'm serious)
+ first pet: Bugeye... he was a fish
+ first piercing/tattoo: first piercing, ears. first tattoo, darwin fish on my foot.

SECTION 12: LASTS..
+ last car ride: I took a cab back from Petco when I picked up my mice last week
+ last phone call: Maybe 10pm
+ last time showered: Yesterday... I'm a little stinky
+ last item bought: Coat hangers
+ last annoyance: cold rain
+ last words you said: I made some sort of kissy noise in the rats' general direction

SECTION 13: CURRENT..
+ current mood: tired... i need to stop procrastinating
+ current food: drinkin some tea and diet root beer... had spaghetti leftovers for dinner
+ current hair: dirty
+ current annoyance(S): a shit ton of work that I should be doing
+ current hate: My fat ass. Seriously.

MARK THE THINGS THAT APPLY TO YOU : X'S..

[ ] I am shorter than 5 feet

[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes

[x] I tan easily.

[x (sometimes)] I wish my hair was a different color.

[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.

[x] I have a tattoo.

[x] I have/I've had braces.

[ ] I wear glasses/contacts

[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.

[x] I have more than 2 piercings.

[x] I have/had piercings in places besides my ears.

[x] I have freckles.

[x] I've run away from home for 3 minutes or more.

[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.

[ ] I want to have kids someday.

[ ] I have a child or children.

[x] I have a job.

[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.

[x] I always do my homework.

[ ] I've missed more than a week of school.

[x (Dean's list)] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.

[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.

[x (post-its!)] I've stolen something from my job.

[x] I've been fired.

[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.

[x] Disney movies still make me cry.

[x] I've snorted while laughing.

[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.

[x] Ive glued my hand to something.

[x] I've laughed til some kind of beverage came out of my nose.

Health

[ ] I was born with a disease/birth defect/impairment.
[ ] I've gotten stitches.
[x] I've had broken a bone
[ ] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery
[ ] I've had chicken pox.

Traveling

[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Disneyworld, Orlando.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Africa.
[x] I've been to the Bahamas.

Experiences

[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts
[ ] I've been to a casino.

[ ] I've been skydiving.
[x] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x] I've crashed a car.
[x] I've been skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ]I've seen the Northern Lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[x] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten Sushi.
[x] I've been snowboarding.

Honesty/Crime

[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've run a red light.
[x] I've been suspended from school.

Death and Suicide

[x] I'm afraid of dying.
[x] I hate funerals.
[x] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.
[ ] Suicide seems the only way out

Materialism

[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own iPod or MP3 player
[x] I own a real designer purse
[x] I own an accessory other than a purse from a designer
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[x] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay.

Random

+I can sing well - Sometimes
+I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant - No
+ I open up easily to others- No
+ I watch the news- sometimes
+ I don't kill bugs.- I try not to
+ I curse regularly- Uh yes
+ sing in the shower- No
+ I paid for my cell phone ring tone.- No... but my mum did
+ I'm a snob about grammar.- yes
+ I am a sports fanatic.- no
+ I twirl my hair.- sometimes
+ I've copied more than 20 CD's in a day.- Nah
+ My favorite color is either white, green, yellow, pink, red or blue? No
+ I would wear pajamas to school.- No
+ I like Martha Stewart.- No preference
+ I laugh at my own jokes.- If they're funny, then sure
+ I eat fast food weekly. - Nah... almost never
+ I believe in ghosts.- No
+ I am online 24/7 - No
+ I am ticklish- No
+ I love white chocolate- Ewwww. Dark.
+ I play video games.- Old school N64... and Guitar Hero
+ I'm good at remembering faces.- Yes
+ I'm good at remembering names- No
+ I'm good at remembering dates.- Ehhh
+ I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life - Well... I have ideas

WHO LAST..

1. Made you smile: My rats (does that make me pathetic lol?)
2. Hugged you? Ummm
3. Saw/heard you cry? I haven't cried in a lonnnnng time
4. Went to the movies with you? Hmmm. I haven't seen a movie in a long time. Kyle?

WOULD YOU RATHER..

1. Be serious or be funny? Depends
2. Drink whole or skim milk? Neither
3. Die in a fire or drown? Ummm. Neither sounds pleasant.
4. Spend time with your parents or enemies? I don't really have any enemies except my parents :X

DO YOU PREFER..

1. Do you prefer gray or black? No preference
2. lust or love? Hmmm.
3. empty or whole? I mean, in what context?

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY..

1. Do you like anyone? Yes
2 Do you steal? No
3 Do you believe in love at first sight? Don't know
4 Do you fall for the wrong guy/girl? Is there a "wrong" one? I mean, is there a "right" one??

RANDOM..

1. What were you doing when it turned 2008? Ha. Busy being pathetic.

3. What song are you listening to right now? Nothing. iPod needs charging...

4. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry? Princess Diana maybe

6. Do you own an iPod? Yes

7. What was the first thing you thought this morning? I didn't wake up until mid-afternoon :)

8. What would be your dream job? Gettin paid to parrrrrty :)

9. What will you do tonight? I NEED TO WORK DAMMIT... this survey is wayyyy tooooo loooong

10. What's your favorite memory from last weekend? Hangin out in Robert's room

11. What are the last two digits of your phone number? 70

12. What was the last thing you ate? Wheat thins

13. What was last thing you drank? Diet Root Beer (this survey is really repetitive)

14. What was the last movie you watched in theaters? Juno

15. What/Who do you dislike at the moment? Myself

16. What food do you crave right now? Nothing

17. What did you dream last night? no idea

18. What was the last TV show you watched? True Life: I Have OCD

19. What is your favorite piece of jewelry? My grandmother's ring

21. Who last text messaged you? James

22. Are you on any medication? Birth control

23 . What side of the bed do you sleep on? Alll sides

I have no idea where my brother found this picture...

raien — 2008-02-05T01:02:00-05:00

no subject

raien — 2008-02-05T02:02:29-05:00

FALL 07

AMST BC3450 WOMEN AND LEADERSHIP 4.0 A

EESC BC3016 ENVIRONMENTAL MEASUREMENTS 3.0 A-

SOCI BC1003 INTRODUCTION TO SOCIOLOGY 3.0 A-

SOCI BC3907 COMMUNITIES AND SOCIAL CHANGE 4.0 B+

no subject

raien — 2008-02-05T05:02:06-05:00

One cover letter and resume sent.

Hopefully it will elicit a positive response, but I should still send a few more, just in case.

I. Hate. Writing. Cover. Letters.

UGH

Not to mention, it's quarter past five.

DOUBLE UGH

And I haven't done any of my reading for my 4pm class tomorrow (The books haven't arrived... come on half.com, you've been so reliable so far!)

::sigh::

At least I don't have to wake up early....

Now the question: Stay up and write one more cover letter... Or slllllleeeep.

Hmmmm.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-06T01:02:55-05:00

I am fucking BROKE.

And of course I just bought concert tickets... The Hives and The Donnas!

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raien — 2008-02-06T04:02:12-05:00

Ummmm it's 4:30am

I have about 100 pages of reading (DENSE reading) and a 3-page response paper about said reading due at 2pm tomorrow.

And an over-the-phone interview for my study abroad program at noon.

This was a very, very stupid choice.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-06T05:02:40-05:00

Procrastination is like masturbation.

It feels good for a while, but in the end

YOU'RE JUST FUCKING YOURSELF.

Ahhhhh this quote applies so well to my life...

no subject

raien — 2008-02-06T06:02:05-05:00

Finished.

I mean, I did a SHIT job and barely read anything... but fuck it.

Now I get four hours of sleep.

Yay.

Go me.

God I am dumb sometimes.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-06T05:02:40-05:00

I had my interview for my *potential* study abroad program next semester. I think it went well. My interviewer told me that I would know about my admissions status by the 15th. Soon!

no subject

raien — 2008-02-06T05:02:08-05:00

Tummy ache.

Ow ow ow.

I'm just going to keep posting pictures of the girls until someone complains.

raien — 2008-02-07T12:02:29-05:00

1. Here's the rat palace. Soon to provide even more hours of ratty amusement with the addition of a hammock, hanging hide-away bed, and wheel. (Once I get my ebay shipment.)

2, 3, and 4. Clover and Cora. Really, almost too adorable to handle.

We're really making lots of progress. They're getting much more comfortable with me. I just had them out of the cage for almost an hour and they didn't poop or pee once! (Which is a BIG improvement. Rats tend to "fear poop" when they're scared, so this is a good sign. Plus, I'm not really a fan of getting pooped on.)

no subject

raien — 2008-02-07T02:02:01-05:00

it does not make any sense for me to be awake right now. DUMB.

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raien — 2008-02-07T05:02:16-05:00

Made it to class on time. On timeish. I was only like 2 minutes late.

Which is really good for me.

Ugh but now I have a tummy ache. And I have waaaay too many places to be tonight...

Gah.

Tomorrow is going to suck.... I will probably just stay up tonight.

The drawing for Urban NY tickets (free Broadway tickets courtesy of Barnard) is tomorrow morning at 8:00... so I would need to get up at like 5:00am and get in line. Then I have ELP at 10am...

The rest of the day is free I think.

Then Saturday there are soooo many parties. So many. Usually Thursday is the party night, but not this week. Meh. Hopefully I will be able to get work done during the day on Friday and Saturday.

But I have NOTHING to wear on Saturday... And I'm BROKE. Dilemma!

I really should be sleeping...

raien — 2008-02-09T02:02:56-05:00

TEN YEARS AGO

How old were you?: 9
What school year were you in?: Fourth grade
Where did you go to school?: Edgewater Elementary
Where did you work?: Blissfully unemployed
Where did you live?: Edgewater
Where did you hang out?: My house (the playroom)
What was your hair style?: Bangs!
Did you wear braces?: No
Did you wear glasses?: No
Who was your best friend?: The fad five... Natalie, Kim, Kaitlyn, Kelly, and I.
Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?: Rob Trevethan (I was such a ho!)
Your celebrity crush?: Johnathan Taylor Thomas
Who was your regular-person crush?: Tim Arbour
How many piercings did you have?: Just my lobes
How many tattoos did you have?: None
What was your favorite band?: Probably the Spice Girls
What was your biggest fear?: Hmmmm... maybe not getting straight As
Had you smoked a cigarette yet?: No
Had you gotten drunk or high yet?: No
Had you driven yet?: No.
Had you had sex yet?: No.

5 YEARS AGO

How old were you?: 14
What school year were you in?: 9th grade
Where did you go to school?: South River High
Where did you work?: Homestead Gardens
Where did you live?: Edgewater
Where did you hang out?: The auditorium
What was your hair style?: Permed, frizzy, realllllly awful. And then the mullet phase... Oh dear.
Did you wear braces?: Yes
Did you wear glasses?: Nope
Who was your best friend?: Rachel, Emily, and Jen
Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?: Mark Judy maybe?
Who was your celebrity crush?: Probably someone dark and brooding. Maybe Heath Ledger. (RIP hottie!)
Who was your regular-person crush?: Hmmm. Not sure. Maybe Ed? Weird.
How many piercings did you have?: Still just my lobes
How many tattoos did you have?: None
What was your favorite band?: Jimmy Eat World
What was your biggest fear?: Being fat
Had you smoked a cigarette yet?: No
Had you gotten drunk/high yet?: High: yes. Drunk: no.
Had you driven yet?: No
Had you had sex yet?: Yes

LETS SEE WHERE YOU ARE NOW.

How old are you?: 19 (and a half!)
What school year are you in?: Sophomore
What school do you go to?: Barnard College at Columbia University <3
Where do you work?: Columbia Student Calling Center
Where do you live?: New York, NY
Where do you hang out?: ADP
What is your hair style?: Long. Layered. Dark brown. Presently dirty.
Do you wear braces?: No
Do you wear glasses?: No
Who is your boyfriend/girlfriend?: No one.
Your celebrity crush?: Johnny Depp and Clive Owen
Who is your regular-person crush?: I have several. Just waiting for an opportunity.
How many piercings do you have?: A bunch... Maybe 10. I've had 20 total I think. Too tired to count right now.
How many tattoos do you have?: Three... Another one coming TOMORROW (hopefully)
What is your favorite band?: Hard to choose. Death Cab will always be near and dear to my heart.
What is your biggest fear?: Being fat for the rest of my life. Seriously. And being addicted to drugs.
Had you smoked a cigarette yet?: Yes....Lots
Had you gotten drunk or high yet?: Yes. Frequently.
Had you driven yet?: Yes
Had you had sex yet?: Yes

How long have YOU been on Mindays?

raien — 2008-02-09T06:02:45-05:00

I've had this blog since November 2003.

WOAH.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-09T06:02:06-05:00

Masquerade party tonight.

I'm gonna fucking bring it.

Curling my hair (we'll see if it works)
Painting my toenails
Really elaborate makeup (in lieu of a mask)
Leggings, white satin tunic top
HEELS (open toe!)

I'm going to dance my pants off.
Fo real.

I ended up not shopping for a new outfit, which is probably good.

I'm kind of afraid that my hair's going to look stupid though.
It's very resistant to curl.

Also, I did not do ANY work today.

I need to do some now...

no subject

raien — 2008-02-12T11:02:48-05:00

Today is NATIONAL PANCAKE DAY.

So IHop is giving away FREE PANCAKES.

AND I tracked down an IHop on 135th and 7th.

SO I'M GOIN TO IHOP!

no subject

raien — 2008-02-12T01:02:40-05:00

Cleaned the rats' cage. The hammock and nesting box I ordered for them still haven't arrived!

Did some laundry. Need to go grab it from the drier or it will be wrinkled...

Started my reading. But still lots more to do.

Heated up some vegetable soup for lunch.

Pancakes for dinner!

Yum.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-12T02:02:23-05:00

All of my clothes are laundered and folded. Nice.

Confession: This is the first time I've done laundry since I came back to school in mid-January. Ahhhh. Yes.

Tomorrow I need to wash my towels and sheets. I should probably also was my comforter, but I don't know if it will fit in the washing machine...

Can one wash a down comforter in a washing machine? Or do I have to wash it specially?

no subject

raien — 2008-02-13T04:02:45-05:00

Agggg why am I awakkkkke. I am ruining my liiiiiiife.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-13T11:02:30-05:00

Well I don't have a Valentine, thanks very much.

But whatever.

That's fine.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-14T01:02:38-05:00

I heart Mindsay :)

Ten Things About Me

raien — 2008-02-14T02:02:27-05:00

Here are ten random facts about me. Nitty gritty facts. Bare-all facts. That kind of shit.

For callie69 <3

1. I wear a size 11 shoe. Most of the time. Ok, some of the time. Ok, you caught me, my foot is actually bigger than a size 11, but if an 11 is too small, then I find another pair of shoes and consider having a foot reduction. (I mean, maybe I can have my toes trimmed or something?)

2. Most of the time, I think I'm too fat. Every so often I find myself nicely curvy, but those are rare days. This is my deepest, darkest, most shameful insecurity. It pains me like you would not believe. I'm afraid to meet new people because I don't want them to judge me based on my weight... This awful fear has really disabled me socially. I think a lot of my "issues" result from this total disgust with my body, so it's kind of a shitty thing. I had a pretty serious eating disorder when I was a freshman in high school. I still have an eating disorder (at least, I still display patterns of disordered eating), but I don't think I'm going to die any time soon (I almost did when I was 14).

3. I really love arts and crafts. Knitting, beading, scrapbooking, you name it. I wish I was more legitimately artistic, but I can lay out photos and patterned paper cut-outs like a pro. I just made valentines for everyone I work with... 33 valentines... and I have 100 pages to read my tomorrow morning HA. I also like to make pottery.

4. I'm terrified of not doing well in life. My GPA is ok (it's pretty good...) and I'm involved in a few extra-curricular activities (I guess quite a few), but I never feel good enough. I just want to be happy really. And sometimes, I feel desperately lonely.

5. I currently have three tattoos: a lily on my left forearm, a Darwin fish on my foot, and three stars on my butt. I plan on getting another one soon, either a semi-colon on my shoulder or a henna-inspired band on my right arm. Maybe both. I also currently have 12 piercings: tongue, nostril, 7 lobes (2 are at 2gauge), tragus, conch, and outer helix. I've had 5 other piercings that are now retired (RIP): both of my nipples, my other nostril, septum, and tongue web. I don't have any more piercings planned for the immediate future (maybe a medusa or a christina), but I'm sure there will be more to come.

6. I haven't been in a relationship in almost a year. Longer than a year really, because I was away at college for the majority of my last relationship and it was kind of a sham. I miss having someone to snuggle with and watch movies with and eat dinner with... Really, I just want a best friend who I can have fantastic sex with. Is that too much to ask?

7. I lost my virginity when I was 14. And I don't know exactly how many people I've had sex with (it's more than average, I guess). But I'm disease free, so does it really matter? I have no regrets. Also, I really enjoy sex... Though I have some quams with it, because I'm a die-hard feminist, but I like to be choked and spanked and covered in hot wax and... Well yeah. If anyone ever comes across who can fulfill #6, he better be able to do all these things as well.

8. I LOVE Indian food. It's basically my favorite. Spinach daal, basmati rice, naan bread, maybe some mulligatawny soup... HEAVEN.

9. I want to travel and see the world. I want to visit real off-the-map places... like literally, not on the friggin map-- places where no one has ever seen a tourist. These locales still exist, but they're hard to find. I want to have real adventures. And I'd love to have these adventures with #6.

10. I have no real idea what I want to do with my life. Shhhhh, don't tell anyone.

xoxoxoxox
Whitney

no subject

raien — 2008-02-14T03:02:27-05:00

Just bought a pair of 0g plugs on ebay.

So I guess the stretching will commence as soon as they arrive.

YES.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-15T05:02:45-05:00

hbrgpihaebgihsbfviphjsnfp
ahbgov

aeirpgbpiaebrgpihabep

And that is all I have to say about that.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-17T04:02:53-05:00

Aggggg.

I am having a personal crisis.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

This is really unpleasant.
Sigh.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-18T04:02:30-05:00

Iamawreck.

Its5amwhycan'tIbesleeping...

Thesemesterhasjsutbegun...thereisSOmuchmorehelltocome.

Fuckshitdammit.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-18T09:02:04-05:00

grumblegrumblegrumble.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-19T12:02:52-05:00

I think I forgot to mention it, but something good did happen last week:

I got accepted into my study abroad program!

YAY!

So next semester I'll be studying in China, India, and Argentina.

Sweet.

I'm not sure if it outweighs all of the shittyness that's gone on, but whatever. It's fine.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-19T04:02:12-05:00

Ok, so I have a date on Saturday.

But I think my expectations are too high.

This guy seems basically perfect... there is NO WAY that he's going to be into me.

Or maybe he won't be cool.

IT'S ONLY TUESDAY AND I'M FREAKING OUT ABOUT IT!

We're going to the MoMA (Museum of Modern Art) and then we're going to this restaurant in the museum... this ridiculously nice restaurant....

Aggggg. I am just really, really lonely and I want this guy to be perfect so that I can fall in love with him and won't be lonely anymore.

I am SO pathetic.

And DRUNK.

no subject

raien — 2008-02-20T01:02:05-05:00

Oh em gee!

I have a date on THURSDAY!

no subject

raien — 2008-02-20T02:02:46-05:00

I am seriously 12 years old. I cannot control myself.

I got excited about my date and just spent the last hour trying to find an outfit.

BUT I did find a perfect outfit.

-Black long-sleeve top, slightly sheer, but not low-cut. Always a favorite. Leaves the good bits to the imagination, but very flattering.
-Short (but not too short) denim skirt. I haven't worn a skirt in SO long!
-Leopard print tights (these really make the outfit) I've had these for so long and I totally forgot about them. SO excited to wear them.
-Flat black boots (a staple)

ohmahgoshiamexcited!

I'm going to shave my legs, but I'm not going to get a brazilian. Even if the date goes really well (ihopeihopeihope), I'm going to make him wait ;)

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raien — 2008-02-20T02:02:24-05:00

Ooh, and we're going to a comedy club.

YES.

So I think the outfit is especially comedy club appropriate.

God I'm good ;)

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raien — 2008-02-20T03:02:30-05:00

Still haven't started my work.

I'm higgggggh.

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raien — 2008-02-20T04:02:49-05:00

Decided on a topic for my 20-page research paper in my Ethnic Conflict class:

The 1994 Rwandan Genocide

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raien — 2008-02-20T06:02:19-05:00

dear facebook,

i hate you, you son of a bitch.

xoxo
whitney

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raien — 2008-02-21T12:02:40-05:00

AND he loves Shark Week.

This guy cannot be for real.

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raien — 2008-02-21T01:02:26-05:00

Oh bleh I should have started my work hours ago... DAMMIT.

And I have to get up early...

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raien — 2008-02-21T04:02:12-05:00

Ok, so I need to start sleeping sometime.

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raien — 2008-02-21T04:02:57-05:00

Sooooo I just woke up.

Slept through a pretty important meeting and a pretty important class.

Nice job.

But at least I won't be tired for my hot date tonight.

HA

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raien — 2008-02-22T01:02:40-05:00

So my date was... well he kind of fucked up lol. We were going to a comedy show and he came to my apartment and we got stoned. Then we left a little late and he didn't know exactly where it was or where to park... so we missed the show. We were going to go to a bar, but it was freezing. Sooo there was a party at ADP... I invited him but he had to get up early so he didn't come.

But I went. And got SMASHED. Ruined my leopard print tights (I'm a little miffed), fell down the stairs (covvvered in bruises), lost an earring, puked twice, and this morning my purse was inexplicably full of Hershey's kisses. Great night. I had a lot of fun.

But Jon (my date) was nice and kind of cute, so I think I will go out with him again. We were both really stoned...

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raien — 2008-02-24T05:02:18-05:00

Tonight was going to be an early night.

But I just got home.

Spent all night at the hospital with a friend who got raped tonight.

I am so emotionally and physically drained.

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raien — 2008-02-25T12:02:40-05:00

I am fucking up my life.

I need to chill the fuck out, do my school work, get some sleep, and stop doing so many drugs. I am fucked up all the damn time. This is not sustainable...

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raien — 2008-02-25T03:02:56-05:00

Really excited to visit friends in MD next week

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raien — 2008-02-26T06:02:19-05:00

I didn't do my reading for class today because I didn't have the book. Not at the library, not at any of the nearby bookstores... Whatever

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raien — 2008-02-26T06:02:55-05:00

I was on my way to the Brooks lounge to work on my laptop for a few minutes before dinner... Then I saw that they were having a cupcake decorating event in the lounge. (Barnard is really cute.)

So I decorated and ate a cupcake. And now I feel really guilty about it and am wondering whether I should even have dinner. Maybe just some veggies....

Grrrr. I'm annoyed at myself.

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raien — 2008-02-27T03:02:22-05:00

I got fucked up again tonight... and didn't do any work.

Bravo.

I am SCREWING myself.

Sigh.

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raien — 2008-02-27T10:02:04-05:00

Well I'm up kind of early, which is good.

I need to read for the next hour, then write the response paper before my 2pm class.

I really need to do better...

I have a lot of shit to take care of if I'm going to go home this weekend.

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raien — 2008-02-27T12:02:02-05:00

Articles have been read. Now I just need to sit down and power-through the response paper.

Dammit. So tired.

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raien — 2008-02-27T05:02:03-05:00

Finished my response paper and made it to class almost on time.

I got an A on my paper from last week!

But I ate too much in the dining hall for dinner. Now I feel fat and too full.

I watched this bitch scrape all of the whipped cream off the entire cheesecake in the dining hall. So I called her a dumb cunt lol. I think she was kind of surprised. But what a total ruiner!

Ugh I reallllly wish I didn't have to work tonight... But I need the money hella bad!

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raien — 2008-02-27T05:02:37-05:00

I'm going to be late to work.... oh well.

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raien — 2008-02-28T12:02:38-05:00

Cleaned my room... It was a MESS.

Now I feel a little more organized.

Gotta get ready to come home tomorrow!

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raien — 2008-02-28T01:02:08-05:00

Round trip price of bus tickets from NY to MD has increased from $46 to $50. Screw you Greyhound. Screw you and your new "Will Call Fees."

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raien — 2008-02-28T01:02:07-05:00

FUCK I HAVE NO MONEY

Where did it all go?!

Seriously!

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raien — 2008-02-28T01:02:23-05:00

I said I was going to be in bed by 2am... but I haven't started my reading for tomorrow!!!

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raien — 2008-02-28T03:02:10-05:00

I just stayed awake until 3:30... and didn't even start my work.

I'M AWESOME.

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raien — 2008-02-28T02:02:32-05:00

Objectives to work on for COOL Campaign:

-Research local continued education/high school/other educational organizations programs that would be willing to have a COOL Rep come into class and give a short spiel about the campaign and the activist training and/or present a slideshow

-Contact community members and groups who may be interested in sending individuals to the community activist training

-Investigate potential space for student activist training on March 31st (for at least 20 people), though space may be organized by Columbia group who is co-sponsoring the community activist training

-Find out about tabling opportunities at Columbia (Lerner?); connect with other on-campus groups to locate students who would be interested in attending the training (need print materials, petitions, fliers, sigh-up sheets, and candy) for tabling

-Create Facebook event for student activist training once we have finalized the date, time, location, etc.

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raien — 2008-03-02T12:03:59-05:00

I just plugged in my iPod to my home computer and it started to update it then restart it. I thought it was syncing it and I basically had a heart attack.

Seriously. Scary shit.

Luckily it was just updating the software so my music is safe. THANK GOD.

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raien — 2008-03-02T09:03:29-05:00

I am so mixed up.

I really don't know how to deal with Kyle.

I have no fucking idea.

He is shutting me out completely and I can't reach him.

He told me that he can't be happy if I'm in his life.

...Does he really mean that?

My heart is broken.

Some photos from this weekend's psychedelic experience

raien — 2008-03-03T02:03:43-05:00

Lots of pictures. I took almost 300, so it was really hard to choose just a few.

Location: Beautiful St. Mary's College of Maryland and the THICKET

The gorgeous blond is alabasterfae

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raien — 2008-03-03T09:03:53-05:00

I want a new piercing. Thinking about a vertical labret. Or medusa.

But I certainly can't get one until after my interview with Morgan Stanley on the 10th.

I have a 10 page paper due at 4pm tomorrow...

I haven't started it.

SHOCKER.

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raien — 2008-03-03T10:03:57-05:00

OH MY GOD

I AM LIVID

I've had to keep the rats in my closet for a few days because it's community inspection week, so my RA will come by sometime, peak her head into the room, and say okay. It's dumb, but I guess necessary for liability reasons.

Well I get back from class today and see that the little fuckers have pulled the bottom of not one, but TWO, of my nice dresses into the cage. And they have DESTROYED THEM.

I just brought these dresses from home so I would have something to wear to semiformal events this semester.

And they are both RUINED. I really loved both of these dresses.....

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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raien — 2008-03-04T12:03:07-05:00

1.5 pages written of the 10 page paper due at 4pm tomorrow.

I think I might go to bed now and just wake up early tomorrow...

UGH. Why do I constantly screw myself over???

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raien — 2008-03-04T12:03:48-05:00

Also, I discovered two more items--one very expensive vintage dress and a really cute green tunic top--that the rats have absolutely destroyed.

I am soooooo pissed. Not at them I guess, because it's not really their fault, but at the whole situation.

What a waste of beautiful clothes. Now I have to buy dresses because I only have a couple and I've worn them already this semester... This fucking sucks.

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raien — 2008-03-04T09:03:19-05:00

Just woke up... but feeling relatively chipper for 9:20am.

Still only have 1.5 pages.

Scribble scribble scribble.

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raien — 2008-03-04T10:03:19-05:00

2 pages written

BLAH

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raien — 2008-03-04T11:03:22-05:00

2.5 pages

I have until 4pm...

Well, 3:30 really. I have to be in class by 4:00.

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raien — 2008-03-04T12:03:07-05:00

3 pages down, 7 pages to go

HA

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raien — 2008-03-04T01:03:38-05:00

4.5 pages....

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raien — 2008-03-04T02:03:38-05:00

DONE.

And I have a whole hour to spare.

AND I got 8 hours of sleep last night. Unheard of...

Sweet.

Think I'm gonna take a shower.

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raien — 2008-03-05T10:03:32-05:00

I fucking munched out last night on Cheetos and rice cakes.

Disgusting.

I need to lose weight... DAMMIT.

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raien — 2008-03-05T11:03:02-05:00

The rat's smell. I need to clean them.

I should probably finish my reading first...

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raien — 2008-03-05T11:03:04-05:00

Last night, my friend told me that she sees me with a tall hot emo boy with glasses and sleeves.

Damn, let me get a piece of that.

No more of these bros.

I need me an artsy boy who plays guitar and has great taste in music.

WANTED

raien — 2008-03-05T11:03:02-05:00

Wanted:
One boy who is looking for the perfect girlfriend (that's me)
You should be tall, 6'0 and above
No specific physical qualifications except a great smile... and I'm into beards too
You could perhaps play guitar and have an assortment of tattoos
You should enjoy eating Indian food on a regular basis
You should love talking about films and music, walking in the park, and going to museums
You should also be passionate about travel, weed, and exploring new things
Bonus points if you've managed to acquire that perfect nerdy-yet-not-too-nerdy personality
No BROS please... no offense, but bros tend to bore me

I give great head and have nice boobs.
And I'm charmingly witty and very intelligent.
Seriously.

ZERO GAUGE

raien — 2008-03-05T10:03:32-05:00

Update on the ears.

Now I'm at a zero gauge.

AND I CAN OFFICIALLY STICK A CIGARETTE THROUGH MY EAR.

Fucking sweet.

Watch this video.

raien — 2008-03-07T06:03:53-05:00

It's hella funny.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/40fa73e376

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raien — 2008-03-08T05:03:42-05:00

Had a really good time this weekend.

BUT I just woke up (it's almost 6pm HA) and I haven't done ANY work.

So I need to get on that.

I spoke to Kyle, finally. Things are much better between us (I hope) and we're going to stay friends.

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raien — 2008-03-08T08:03:06-05:00

Clean out rats? Check.
Tidy bedroom? Check.

At least today has been marginally productive. But I have SOOOOOO much work to get done. And I should probably do laundry. But I really don't wanna.

I'm very boring.

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raien — 2008-03-08T11:03:19-05:00

I made some sugar free raspberry Jello today.

But instead of making it with water, I made it with diet orange soda.

It's gonna be so great.

And there's only 40 calories in the whole container. So it will not make me fat.

Which is good. Cause I've been lookin a lil chunky chunks lately. And by lately, I mean my whole life.

I got some stuff done today, but didn't manage to do any homework... BLEH.

But I did do things that had to get done eventually.

Next on the agenda: Massive take-home midterm for Agricultural and Urban Land Use. This is going to suck...

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raien — 2008-03-09T05:03:38-05:00

I was freaking out last night because my Morgan Stanley scholarship interview was supposed to be on Monday but they hadn't told me the time yet and I have a midterm so I wasn't sure when I was going to get everything done... I sent an email last night and the lady replied today (thank god, but I feel bad that she's working on a Sunday...) and said the interviews were moved to April 14th. Sweeeeeeet.

Didn't get any work done today, but I worked a shift at the calling center so I made a little money.

Also, I've got the design for my new tattoo I'm go to make an appointment for Friday... HELLA EXCITED!

My new tattoo

raien — 2008-03-09T06:03:41-05:00

Thoughts???

It will be on the front of my left thigh, slightly to the side. This isn't the exact design; the edges of the hourglass will be more ornate and it will look like wood rather than metal. Probably about 7-8 inches long. Haven't decided on color yet.

I'd love some feedback from my wonderful mindsay friends.

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raien — 2008-03-09T10:03:38-05:00

ah ate all o mah jello.

ballz.

nowz i gotta do sum homewurk.

dubble ballz.

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raien — 2008-03-10T08:03:24-05:00

Never pour milk into cereal before you smell it.

Rookie mistake.

GROSS.

-
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-
-
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I'm up early to work on my midterm. I need to finish that shit by 4pm.
Or I'm royally fuccccked.

Kyle called last night :) It was like 1:30 and I was lying in bed, trying to sleep. I was so happy to hear his voice. He just called to say hey and ask how my day was. Wonderful.

Except AH! What am I doing!?!? He goes to school 6 hours away and I've already been there, done that!

But I think I'm still in love with him... Or I guess back in love with him (????) Who the fuck knows.

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raien — 2008-03-10T01:03:54-05:00

This midterm SUCKS.

I have one more essay to write and about 45 minutes to finish it.

Already 8 pages, single spaced.

Again, SUCKS.

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raien — 2008-03-10T06:03:03-05:00

I finished my midterm on time. Barely. I don't think I did that well on it though. But at least I finished.

Then of course I was stressed so I went to the dining hall after class and ate waaaaay too much.... a sandwich and veggies and some sweet potato french fries and some frozen yogurt and two mini cupcakes. Gross.

Need to do lots of reading tonight so I can catch up... then maybe I will actually be able to relax over spring break.

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raien — 2008-03-11T10:03:01-05:00

I finished my homework for today early and went to bed just after 10pm last night.... NICE.
Slept for about 13 hours. Also nice. (Probs a little excessive. But whatev.)
Now I'm going to take a shower, then get some breakfast.
Then get a brazilian...then who knows.

Don't have class til 4pm.

Adam is coming over tonight I think.
Just can't get enough of that meaningless sex.
HA.

W.

Guilt-free scrambled eggs

raien — 2008-03-11T11:03:18-05:00

4 egg whites (60 calories)
1 whole egg (75 cal)
1/4 cup part skim mozzarella cheese (80 cal)
Ketchup (15 cal)
Salt and pepper
Sprig of fresh parsley

=230 cals

Very filling. And delicious.

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raien — 2008-03-11T01:03:36-05:00

AHHHHHHH

Adam was going to come over last night (He's my favorite friend with benefits... well really he's just w/benefits. We hang out a couple of times a month, get high, and have awesome sex.)

But I canceled because I wanted to chill for the night.

So he was going to come over tonight.

But he just called and told me he's sick. AHHHHHH

So much for getting laid.

Oh well.

I'm really over meaningless sex, but I legit like Adam, so it's different. Kind of.

I guess I have more time to do reading then. Yippee. Whoo hoo. Yay.

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raien — 2008-03-11T01:03:47-05:00

Gonna go get a passport photo taken, I guess.
Meh.

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raien — 2008-03-12T12:03:36-05:00

I woke up much later than I'd planned to today.

Set my alarm for 9am. Got out of bed just after noon...

Oops.

I talked to Kyle on the phone until about 5am.

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-
-

I'm almost done my work for today though, which is kind of a miracle since I didn't start until I woke up and I had LOTS of reading and a response to write. I still have about 15 minutes and I just need to pump out another paragraph or so.

I have been remarkably unstressed for the past couple of days. It's lovely.

Maybe I'll survive the semester. And maybe I'll even do ok :)

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raien — 2008-03-12T12:03:52-05:00

Finished. Off to class now.

Then work from 5:30 to 10:30.

Then I might just go to bed early... lovely!

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raien — 2008-03-12T04:03:28-05:00

Made it to class... only 10 minutes late. HA.

My tummy hurts... need to get back on the god damn wagon. Will power, don't fail me now!

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raien — 2008-03-13T01:03:40-05:00

Yesterday Kyle promised that he would come visit me tomorrow for a couple of days. He told me he was going to get on an early bus and make it to NYC in time to wake me up on Thursday morning. I was so excited. I talked to him tonight and he told me he would have to leave at 1pm on Friday because he wants to have dinner with his family, even though he had promised to stay for two nights. I totally understand that. I totally understand that he wants to see his family. And then he starts talking about how he'll make it in on a 3:30 bus on Thursday so he'll get here around 7:30 so we would have time to get dinner. Of course he forgot that I have an absolutely mandatory obligation from 8:00 to 10:30pm tomorrow. Of course he forgot. I only told him 25 times... I told him I would skip my classes and cancel my appointment with my adviser so we could spend the whole day together, but I can't miss this. It's a pledge event for ADP and I'm pledge chair... So he says oh, well I'll tell Mike that I can't hang out Thursday morning. !?! He made plans with Mike (whom he goes to school with!) and was going to come 8 hours later to see me... and stay with me for a grand total of 15 hours... Seriously? I spent all night making him goddamn tiramisu. He tells me he loves me, that I mean more to him than anything, but clearly I don't...

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raien — 2008-03-13T09:03:46-05:00

I guess Kyle will be here in about an hour...

At least I won't have to throw away the tiramisu that I spent so long making...

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raien — 2008-03-14T02:03:57-05:00

So Kyle came to visit. It was really fun. I was so happy to see him. I think things are ok between us now. And I took him to ADP for a few minutes to meet some of my friends. I think they liked him :)

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raien — 2008-03-14T08:03:25-05:00

My plane departs in less than 12 hours and I'll be on my way to Death Valley, California.

Sweet.

This week has the potential to be absolutely amazing.

And the weather is supposed to be gorgeous. We're not even taking tents.

I'll take lots of pictures.

no subject

raien — 2008-03-14T11:03:20-05:00

I have 3.5 hours to kill before I leave my apartment to head to the airport. Need to stop at Duane Reade on the way to buy an envelope so I can mail the scholarship application I finished tonight. (Yay for that.)

Maybe I will do some work... It would be nice to not be totally overloaded when I get back from spring break.

Also, I met with my Theorizing Civic Engagement professor the other day... he's amazing. He's written like 10 books and he's hella distinguished and incredibly smart...

He told me I was brilliant o.O

Really happy.

And I did all of my laundry. That makes me happy too.

no subject

raien — 2008-03-15T01:03:32-05:00

Now I just can't fall asleep...

I only need to stay awake for about 2 more hours, then I can head to campus to get the shuttle.

Shower time.

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raien — 2008-03-24T01:03:42-05:00

Back from spring break. Had a wonderful time in Death Valley. Took some sweet pics. Will post soon.

Currently running late. Shocker. Just finished my work for today's class.

Did absolutely ZERO school work over break. Oh well.

Went running in the park with Jackie this morning. Lovely weather.
We're working on OPERATION Hot Body.

xoxo
Whitney

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raien — 2008-03-25T01:03:53-05:00

Kyle is coming to visit again! He's only staying for Thursday and Friday, but it's going to be an action packed visit.

He gets in at 3:30 on Thursday. Then we're going to go grocery shopping and I'm going to cook dinner. I think I'm going to make sesame tofu with a salad and asparagus. Should be delicious. I'm trying to turn him into a vegetarian. Then we're going to rent a movie... Probably either No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood, or Sweeney Todd.

We're getting up early on Friday and he's going to accompany me while I lead my Emerging Leaders group to the UN... we're getting a tour and private briefing. I'm hella excited about that. Then we're going to have a picnic together and visit Strawberry Fields. I usually run with a couple of friends on Friday afternoons, so he might come with me. We're going to Massawa (Ethiopian) for dinner and then to the Hayden Planetarium for their techno light show, soundtrack mixed by Moby.

Hella excited about all of this!!!

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raien — 2008-03-26T10:03:25-05:00

I think I am going to quit smoking weed. At least for the rest of the semester.

I munched out last night. On CHEESE. Why would I do that?!?! I am lactose intolerant!!!!!! Now I am going to feel like shit all day. My stomach really fucking hurts.

Project Hot Body begins on Friday and I need to be on top of my shit.

I also need to be on top of my paper due in 2 hours. I am really fucking dumb...

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raien — 2008-03-26T11:03:32-05:00

I'm skipping class today. I'm kind of an idiot.

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raien — 2008-03-26T11:03:15-05:00

I went for a run today. But I did not attend class. Or do my work. Oh well.

I also went grocery shopping and spent hella money. Bought mangoes, black beans, yogurt, soy milk, rice cakes, and strawberries. All yummy.

Of course, Kyle called and told me he has zero dollars for this weekend. Just like the last time he came up. So I will be paying for everything again. Sigh. Oh well.

I was supposed to visit Matt next weekend... But now I don't think I can because of my internship :( :( :( I am very, very sad about it. I realllllly miss him.

Overall, not an awesome day. But whatever.

no subject

raien — 2008-03-26T11:03:27-05:00

Just sippin on some chamomile tea.

Mullin things over.

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raien — 2008-03-27T07:03:53-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXgdSOxaCGI&eurl=http://danzarrella.com/contagious-laughter.html

this makes me giggle.

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raien — 2008-03-30T10:03:35-05:00

I have a major paper due at 4pm tomorrow.

I haven't started it.

I am seriously, seriously fucked.

If I did ONE HOUR of work per day, I would be totally golden.

But I always just fuck myself over...

no subject

raien — 2008-04-01T12:04:16-05:00

The weekends are the most stressful part of my week. I feel like this just isn't right.
But the weeks are pretty damn stressful too. Not to whine or anything.
I've really fallen behind in my work, which is 100% my fault, but I just have so much on my plate...
I'm seriously fucking my GPA. I worked 7 hours on Sunday and 5 hours last night. I will probably work 4 more hours on Wednesday. Which isn't a huge amount, but I just have so much school work to do.

Write 15 page paper for Agricultural and Urban Land Use (due this Monday... already late)

Write 3 page response for a book I haven't read for Ethnic Conflict (due last Wednesday)

Write another 3 page response for another book I haven't read for Ethnic Conflict (due tomorrow)

...
Agggggg. And I have class from 4:00 to 6:00 today, then a potluck dinner for the pledges at ADP that I have to cook for and organize, then pledge meeting from 10pm to 11ish...

And if I work again tomorrow??? This is hellish.

I really shouldn't work tomorrow, if I want to stay sane.
But I have spent almost all of my money...

no subject

raien — 2008-04-01T11:04:19-05:00

I am so fucking sick of this piece of shit computer.
It makes everything so much more difficult.
It's. SO. SLOW.

Throw it out the damn window.

no subject

raien — 2008-04-02T02:04:12-05:00

Ok, I need to get my shit together. Seriously.

I need to be a better student. I'm smart, so I can fuck around and still pull off decent grades, but I could get straight As if I worked a little harder. Honestly, if I put in two solid hours of work a day I would be totally set. This procrastination is bullshit. All these late assignments... not ok. There's no reason for me to fall behind and fuck myself over. I'm a student. Classes should be my top priority.

Once I stop procrastinating so much, I think I might be able to fix other areas of my life. When I'm sleeping and working on a normal (or at least quasi-normal) schedule, I'm much less stressed. When I'm less stressed, I eat healthier. And if I procrastinate less, I'll have much more free time to exercise, hang out with my friends, etc. Less stress = Healthiness = Happiness

STOP SPENDING MONEY LIKE IT GROWS ON TREES. Seriously. I drop huge sums of money, all the time. I don't think I'm going to be working this summer, so what the fuck am I going to do about money when I'm abroad in the fall?? I need to save up... More importantly, I need to stop wasting money. I need to start living like a college student, since I am one.

I'd be totally straight if I could just handle these three simple objectives... BLAH. Still haven't written that paper that was due on Monday. Still haven't written the response that was due last Wednesday. Or the one due tomorrow. And by tomorrow I mean today. Shit. It's 4am.

PROCRASTINATING MY LIFE AWAY.

:(

no subject

raien — 2008-04-02T04:04:13-05:00

Finished my first response, the one due last Wednesday.

Of course, now it's 6am.

I think I'm just going to power through and write the second response too.

And I'm trying to get someone to cover my shift at work tonight. Then maybe I can catch up on sleep and I will be able to work all day Friday and Saturday.

I seriously need to get shit done. No more fucking around.

(I think one of the problems is that I didn't get a nice relaxing spring break. I really need a break...)

no subject

raien — 2008-04-03T04:04:38-05:00

Do you know what's really fucking delicious?

Haagen Daz creme brulee ice cream.

Seriously.

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raien — 2008-04-05T12:04:04-05:00

I didn't get any work done at all today. But at least I worked out- went for a run around the reservoir with Hannah and Daryl. And I took pictures of the furniture at ADP that needs to be sold.

But neither of those things have anything to do with my ethanol paper... I am seriously ruining my own life.

BALLS.

Gramercy Tavern chef messaged me today.

"Do you have plans for tonight?

"Well I'm supposed to be working on a paper. Do you have a better idea?"

"Yeah, let's get fucked up."

Nope. Sorry. Not a better offer. I mean, come on, I probably would have responded to "let's go get drinks." YOU. SUCK. Sorry.

I got hella drunk last night anyway. Lots and lots of tequila. But what can I say? It was an open bar.

I'm getting itchy to travel. Need to blow this joint and see the world.

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raien — 2008-04-06T12:04:09-05:00

Kyle freaked out again last night...

We've been back together, more or less. He came to visit two weekends in a row and we had a wonderful time... We've been talking on the phone everyday, saying how we love each other and miss each other and all that sappy stuff... which I'm usually adamantly opposed to, but I legit love him so I don't mind.

Last night I call him at about 2am... He usually calls to say goodnight. I ask him if he was going to call and he says no. Then he goes off on his usual paranoid rants about how he knows everyone is talking about him behind his back and how none of his friends are real friends. Then he tells me that he needs to move on and that he's been confusing love for something else...

He has managed to break my heart more times in the last month than anyone has in my entire life. Then he gathers up the pieces and presents them to me, all fixed with gorilla glue, and sealed with a kiss.

I just want to help him. I just want him to be happy. But I can't let him keep jerking me around.

He doesn't believe that I'm sincere, but I've never been so sincere in my entire life.

This is the worst...

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raien — 2008-04-07T05:04:39-05:00

It's 6am. Paper writing commenced after 1am. I am such an asshole. Seriously.

Need to get this shit done. Seriously.

Maybe I'm a third of the way done... maybe.

SERIOUSLY.

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raien — 2008-04-07T08:04:42-05:00

still typing away...

tap tap tap

oh and i forgot that i also have an assignment due at 4pm...

tap tap tap

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raien — 2008-04-07T12:04:13-05:00

Paper is finished... I didn't do the greatest job, which is lame because I could have done this a month ago and not stressed out about it... but whatever.

I wish I wasn't already handing it in late. Poo.

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raien — 2008-04-08T01:04:32-05:00

28

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raien — 2008-04-08T02:04:05-05:00

Well I woke up late today... and now I'm not going to class.

This probably isn't good. But whatever.

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raien — 2008-04-08T03:04:12-05:00

Sooo for some reason I'm an idiot and I thought my class was at 2pm today... it's at 4pm.

So I'm not missing it, I guess.

Should probably go then...

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raien — 2008-04-10T12:04:30-05:00

Alright. I'm going to give this veganism idea a shot.

Here we go...

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raien — 2008-04-13T12:04:42-05:00

Got a sick new tattoo last night.

Pics soon.

This ink will be under my skin until I decompose.

raien — 2008-04-13T10:04:31-05:00

My arm is hella swollen.

But man, I must say, I take 3 hours of tattooing like a fucking champ.

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raien — 2008-04-16T05:04:40-05:00

I have to give a presentation tomorrow at 2pm...

On a paper that I haven't written. On a topic I haven't researched.

Damn procrastination.

But, I did just clean my room. It was a fucking disaster.

So I feel a little more organized now that I don't have to wade through imposing piles of laundry and other crap.

Power point time.

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raien — 2008-04-21T03:04:03-05:00

I spent a lovely weekend in Ithaca at Cornell. The weather was beautiful and I got to spend time with Matt, one of my favorite people in the whole world. Waterfalls, drum circles, several episodes of Arrested Development... I didn't even take any work with me. Which of course means I'm behind now, but that's fine.

I bought a very pretty necklace at the Commons. Large-gauge hemp and a silver bead with leaves on it. I could have easily made it myself, but it was only $8. Sweet. I also bought some yerba mate tea. Delicioussssss.

I should be in bed, but I'm watching House. Damn I love this show.

Lots to do tomorrow. If I just work really hard for the next couple of weeks, I'll finish the semester out with great grades. If I don't do my work and procrastinate, my GPA will plummet.

Seriously. Can't fuck this up...

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raien — 2008-04-21T03:04:32-05:00

The semester will be over in 18 days... Just 18 days...

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raien — 2008-04-22T01:04:11-05:00

I am seriously dumb. Really fucking dumb. Can't say it enough.

Also, I've figured out my biggest weakness:

My confidence level has plummeted so drastically that I can no longer flirt.
THIS IS THE WORST.

I'm getting the fuck out of here.

raien — 2008-04-22T03:04:20-05:00

May 14th to 20th: San Francisco

May 24th to June 30th: Brazil

July 31st to August 16th: Grand Canyon, Bryce, and Zion National Parks

August 19th to December 20th: China, India, Argentina

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raien — 2008-04-24T05:04:20-05:00

I've decided I'm going to write again. I need a vessel for expression because I'm sinking into depression.

The semester's almost over, less than a month left. I just need to keep it together.

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raien — 2008-04-25T04:04:39-05:00

I never watch TV. Ever. At least, I never watch TV on a television.

I just watch it on my computer. Because I can't organize my life around the media's scheduled showtimes.

I will just say that THANK GOD the writer's strike is over.

Grey's Anatomy, The Office, and Brothers and Sisters... they're back!

Just watched the new episode of Brothers and Sisters. SO GOOD. Love that show.

Should be asleep... but I'm high. Whoops.

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raien — 2008-04-28T03:04:30-05:00

I AM A MESS

I only have to survive two more weeks...

But there's sooooo much to dooooo.

This goddamn Ivy League education had better be worth it.

Due Wednesday the 30th: 20-page paper about whiteness and the Rwandan genocide for Ethnic Conflict and Unrest

Due Friday the 2nd: 20-page paper for Social Entrepreneurship (haven't even picked a topic)

Due Thursday the 8th: 20-page paper for Theorizing Civic Engagement (still need 3 more interviews)

Due Monday the 12th: 20-page paper for Agricultural and Urban Land Use (already wrote a 10-page rough draft, but it needs lots of work)

AGGGGGGG

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raien — 2008-04-28T09:04:02-05:00

So I have to fill out this health form for my study abroad program- I have to fill out A LOT of forms.

The top of the form says: "Your participation depends on our review of your medical history and on any limitations that could affect your experience abroad."

Here are some of the questions:

4. Have you ever been or are you currently being treated by a psychologist for an emotional disorder?
5a. Do you or might you have an eating disorder?
5b. Have you ever had an eating disorder?
6. Do you have a history of drug or alcohol abuse?

The answer to all four of those questions is YES. But if I answer yes to all four, it definitely makes me look a little questionable. And if I have to lie (there's no way I can say yes to all 4...) then I might as well lie and say NO for all of them.

Of course I have to sign it and whatnot, but I'm certainly not going to reveal those parts of my medical history.
No sir.

Here's a funny one though:

What prescription medications are you on?
My answer: Birth control

Is this to treat a temporary or ongoing condition?
My answer: Ongoing. Until menopause.

What condition?
My answer: Controlling birth. Or not getting pregnant in the first place.

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raien — 2008-04-29T01:04:02-05:00

Why did I just stay up for 2 hours doing nothing? WHY?

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raien — 2008-04-29T02:04:18-05:00

The therapist flipped cards at me, thick cuts of high quality white paper with smudges of black ink on one side. I could almost smell their starchiness, which somehow made everything seem even more surreal.

I identified each smudge: ice cream cone, bowtie pasta, eggplant. He continued to flip the cards; as he lowered each square to his desk, dropping it face-down onto his blotter, flurries of dust rose from the surface and irritated my eyes.

He told me I had an eating disorder. I wonder how he reached this diagnosis--from the results of the Rorschach test or from my teeth. He could see them through my cheeks.

He was recommending treatment--pills and group therapy sessions and a visit with a specialist--but I couldn't hear him. I didn't need him to tell me what I already knew. That I was fucked. That I was dying. And I was wholly unwilling to sit through a battery of tests before being subjected to "treatment."

I stood up slowly. (Standing was an embarrassing process. I usually blacked out. And I usually fell.) He looked at me, but he didn't move. I moved.

I pushed the chair from behind me and ran out the door, down the long hallway with its glaring fluorescent lights, then flew down the four flights of stairs to the lobby, hoping I wouldn't break any of my brittle bones. My hospital gown flapped behind me. But I didn't care who saw my bony ass.

I was getting out. I was going to be free.

New Ears

raien — 2008-04-29T10:04:09-05:00

Stretched my ears to a 00g. (10 mm)

Pretty big.

Sweeeeet.

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raien — 2008-04-30T12:04:31-05:00

Still haven't started my 20-page paper, due in 14 hours. Gulp.

I am DUMB.

Just listed my futon on Craigslist... hopefully someone will buy it!

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raien — 2008-04-30T01:04:01-05:00

One paper down, three more to go.

AGGGGGGG

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raien — 2008-05-01T05:05:06-05:00

I just got home. Haven't slept in a loooong time.

But I had an AWESOME time tonight. So I'm happy :)

At least for now :)

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raien — 2008-05-02T07:05:47-05:00

WHY IS IT SO FUCKING COLD

It's May!!!!

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raien — 2008-05-02T07:05:09-05:00

My parents just left. It was really nice to see them actually. I won a leadership award at Barnard so they came up for the banquet (which was fancy and awesome). Then last night we hung out for a little. This morning we went to see Bill Clinton speak and walked around the city for a while. We had Ethiopian food for dinner which was delicious as usual.

I'm glad they came :) Andddd we went into this awesome hella cheap store and they bought me a cute dress, really awesome silver earrings (they look awesome because they fit through my 00g tunnels), a purple scarf, and two headbands. Yay! And my mum wrote me the check for the $100 she owed me.

Really good day. Last night I couldn't find the rough draft of my Ag and Urban Land Use paper and I freaked out because it has all of my professor's feedback on it. But I sent her an email and she responded today, letting me know that I had left it in the classroom on Monday. Relllllief. So hopefully I'll finish that tonight/tomorrow. Then only two more papers to go!!

AND tomorrow I'm going to an all day meditation retreat at the Tibet House. Yessss. Hella excited :)

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raien — 2008-05-04T08:05:57-05:00

Another looong night. Just got home. Oi.

I was worthless all day yesterday. Started work at 2am...

Almost done with my Ethanol paper.

That will be two down, two to go.

DEAR LORD.

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raien — 2008-05-09T04:05:14-05:00

I am the woooooooorst!

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raien — 2008-05-09T06:05:37-05:00

Officially two down, two to go.

My ethanol paper is 30 pages! Really good though. I did a good job... and I'm turning it in early. Better get an A. Who knows. But I still have two more due... Yuck.

I just want to be done. So. Burned. Out.

I was going to go home today, but I guess I'll go home Monday because I'm still not finished with my shit. Three of my friends are going to Atlantic City for the weekend to study. (Who goes to Atlantic City to study, right?) Jackie's grandpa has a beach house there, so we're going to escape New York City/the oppression of Columbia and get some serious work done.

Dammit.

Gotta finish.

Then I'll be halfway done with college!!!!!

WOW

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raien — 2008-05-11T12:05:17-05:00

Working on paper #3.

Of course I chose just about the most complex paper topic on the planet... systems theory.

At least it's interesting. And at least I know I can write 20 pages about it.

But seriously... I spent all day just deciphering the material. Now I have to actually write the paper and relate systems theory and leverage points to social entrepreneurship.

Not to mention this paper is way late.

Fuck shit damn.

Another paper to write after this one!!

gijapijgrapirgpa
rjgineirjp

I am the WORST.

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raien — 2008-05-12T03:05:59-05:00

Working on paper number 3 out of 4.

Written 20 pages so far. Maybe 5 or 6 more to go.

UGH.

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raien — 2008-05-12T09:05:01-05:00

Finished paper 3 out of 4.

26 pages. Yeesh.

I think it was a good paper though... I guess we'll see.

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raien — 2008-05-17T10:05:15-05:00

I miss my cat :( :( :(

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raien — 2008-05-24T07:05:04-05:00

In Brazil. This is truly paradise. Will write more soon.... as soon as I finish this damn paper :(

Paradise

raien — 2008-05-25T08:05:06-05:00

This is paradise.

I arrived in Brazil yesterday, after a long flight with a four hour layover at JFK. My mum, being the lovely considerate woman that she is, ordered me a vegetarian meal for the plane. Unfortunately, the vegetarian meal also serves as the diet meal: not only did I miss out on the crackers and brownie, but my breakfast included a mini bagel while everyone else received one of more normal proportions. At least the flight was relatively smooth and the quintessential crying baby fell asleep soon after take-off.

My flight arrived in Sao Paulo at about 10am, but the SEE-U van was not scheduled to leave until 12:30, so I wandered around the airport for a while. I learned that women in Brazil (or at least in the Brazilian airport) are even more inept than American women when buying pants. Lots of muffin tops and bare ankles. Lots of whisker-wash too; I'm not sure which is more abhorrent. By 11:00 I was bored of aimlessly perusing souvenir shops and book stores full of trashy romance novels and maps in Portuguese, so I headed over to the Pizza Hut in terminal 2, the meeting place selected for our group.

There were a few girls waiting around a table; I identified them by the nearby pile of backpacks and suitcases. Oh, and the Columbia t-shirts. Everyone was very friendly and seemed interesting; we went through the standard introductions of what's your name, where are you from, what's your major, etc. Most of the participants hail from Columbia University (although I am the only Barnard student), but one attends NYU and another is from Delaware Valley College.

At 12:30 we loaded our luggage into a large van and drove for about an hour to our site. It was wonderful to step outside the airport after traveling for so long; palm trees planted on the roadside waved in a light, warm breeze, surprisingly warm since this is the Brazilian winter. The drive was beautiful, down a winding gravel road along the side of white cliff faces and through thick woods. Right after leaving GRU we passed through a residential area on the outskirts of Sao Paulo; the brightly painted concrete houses and dark-haired children sitting on the curbs reminded me of the neighborhoods of Belize City.

After driving for about an hour, we reached our destination: the Instituto de Pesquisas Ecologicas (IPE). The location is absolutely breathtaking--it's one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. The center overlooks a deep blue reservoir; black and brown cows graze peacefully in the foreground, munching on green grass dotted with patches of wildflowers. There are some kayaks that we can rent and I would love to spend some time paddling across the water. The scenery also includes miles of tree-covered mountains stretching into the horizon. The Atlantic Forest isn't jungle-y like the Amazon, but it is amazingly lush.

We're all staying in a two-storey rectangular brick building with red shutters and external stairs; the rooms are small, containing two twin beds with only a few feet between them, but very comfortable. I was afraid we were going to be roughing it, but that's not the case. I think the mattresses may even be Tempur-pedic. (I slept very soundly last night.) There have been no hot showers as of yet, which is marginally disappointing, but it makes it easy to wake up in the morning. A brisk shower never hurt anyone and I'm sure it saves a lot of water overall.

The food has been excellent so far. For lunch yesterday we had green salad, rice, and a meat dish. I'd love to lose a few pounds while I'm here (what a great bonus). For breakfast this morning we had granola, yogurt (delicious!), crusty rolls, cheese, and lots of fruit. A great array of fruits--bananas, apples, oranges, mangoes, papayas, passion fruits, etc. All of the produce is grown in a nearby garden...I'd love to see it.

We had our first class after breakfast and went over some orientation topics: general safety and appropriate behavior, class schedules, grading criteria, etc. I'm really excited to start learning about this beautiful place; I think the educational material will be heavy but not too difficult, and I can't wait to spend time in the field. We each complete individual projects during our five week stay here, but I have no idea what topic I would like to study.

After class we went for a hike around the area, through a wide pasture, over several hills, and down a narrow path veiled by low hanging vines and thick shoots of bamboo. We saw some enormous spiders, lots of pretty flowers, and a sloth. Taking advantage of such a slow-moving organism, I took too many photos (as usual). When I upload them onto the computer I probably won't be able to decipher their subject, since the sloth was quite high up and my camera's zoom is less than ideal. He was very cute though and climbed down a bit to watch us as we watched him.

We have class again tonight until about 6:00. Afterwards, I'm hoping to finish the paper that I still have not turned in from the end of spring semester. I have about 20-pages so far and I just need to do some revision and add some more primary source references. It's by far the lowest quality writing that I've done all year, but I'm so burned out. At least it will be done soon and won't be hanging over my head. Hopefully Professor Rieder (who I hope to coerce into advising my thesis) will forgive me and won't judge my abilities too strongly based on this one assignment. He did tell me at one point during this semester that he thought I was brilliant. (I almost fainted.)

Across the water and up a mountain

raien — 2008-05-26T06:05:57-05:00

I finished my paper last night! What a relief. I guess this means that I'm officially a junior in college--pretty exciting. (Except I'm one step closer to joining the workforce and losing the allowance my parents give me...damn.) This paper definitely wasn't the best thing I've written this year (it might be the worst), but at least it's over with. My grades should come in soon; I think I did relatively well.

Today was another lovely day in paradise. I had planned on waking up early to go for a run with some of the other students, but I stayed up late writing so I decided to sleep in. After breakfast, Fernando--one of our TAs--gave a lecture about conservation biology and what goes on at IPE. He posed one question that I found particularly interesting: Why should we spend money to conserve species when there are millions of people around the world dying from starvation?

Well, our money isn't being spent on international aid to save impoverished peoples... it's being spent on this "war"! The total cost of the Iraq was is over $500 million so far: Imagine how many ecosystems could have been saved with those dollars that were used to destroy life rather than preserve it...

Fernando lectured for about an hour before we grabbed our backpacks (stocked with bug spray, windbreakers, and binoculars) and headed down the hill past the organic garden to two boats waiting on the shore. We hopped in and began our journey to Fazendinha, a resort further up the reservoir. The boat ride was absolutely lovely--I took some great pictures (I'll post them here as soon as I upload them from my camera). When we arrived at our destination, we were greeted by a few charming dogs--mostly lab mixes, but a couple of smaller breeds too. And none of them were neutered. I think I might study this topic for my individual project: Measure dog population sizes (and the population sizes of other domesticated animals); how neutering would change population numbers; what neutering services are currently available; how dogs and other domesticated animals affect the natural environment (ie. by spreading diseases); etc. Hopefully I'll be able to find some relevant research via Google.

We began our climb up a small mountain (a hill, really) soon after we docked and used the restrooms. The trek was definitely uphill, but it wound around the incline so it wasn't too strenuous. And it was absolutely breathtaking. We were surrounded by an incredibly lush canopy hung with thick twisted vines, interrupted by spatters of sunlight shining through breaks in the leaf cover. When we were about half way up, Juliana--another TA--asked us to find something interesting and show it to the rest of the group. I found several species of lichen on a tree: some green, some red, and some orange. I also noticed that on all of the surrounding trees, the lichen only covered one side because the hill prevented the other side from sun exposure. It was very pretty, although slightly reminiscent of ringworm. The hill's peak was gorgeous--a stunning view of the reservoir, some quaint houses along the shore, and plots of eucalyptus trees.

We had a delicious lunch (albeit a little late) at the Fazendinha, a more varied meal than what we've eaten here so far. I had a huge salad, some potatoes, some ambiguous fried vegetables, cous cous, and a little bit of pasta slathered in butter....I'm skipping dinner tonight. Oh, and I had a beer. Which was great. After stuffing our faces--we were all ravenous after our hike up the "mountain"--a few people hopped in the pool. Pas moi, non merci. Everyone was complaining about how cold it was, so I was not terribly enthusiastic about getting wet.

Of course, I got wet anyway: I rode in the smaller of the two boats on the way back to IPE and I was absolutely soaked through. Oh well. We had a good time and laughed while the spray drenched our hiking boots and backpacks, but everyone could see my ass through my wet pants when we walked back up the hill through the garden (where the produce that we eat here is grown).

I have a bit of homework tonight and I need to finish the reading from last night since I was occupied by my paper. The reading isn't too heavy, but we have a quiz tomorrow so I need to make sure that I understand all of the material. And I need to write a paragraph about my ideas for my project. I don't mind the work; at least I'm done with that paper. Thannnnnk God.

Destruction and denial

raien — 2008-05-27T07:05:20-05:00

I can hardly believe that the Atlantic Forest—such an incredible ecosystem—has been almost completely obliterated by mankind. What a total lack of consideration for the natural world that we so desperately depend upon... Only 5-7% of this beautiful environ remains and the remnants are fragmented, polluted, and rapidly disappearing. Preservation projects are under funded because we’d rather spend our budgets on warfare, fancy homes, and private planes. How can this be? It just doesn’t make sense. We waded into the forest today to measure biodiversity by examining plant species within 2x2 meter sections. In our total 16x16 meter plot, we found over 80 different species! (And there could be even more, since none of us really knew what we were doing.) Eighty species! In an area smaller than my parents’ living room! Amazing. Just amazing. And since more than 50% of the species found in the Atlantic Forest are endemic, when the forests are gone, these species will be gone too. This looming prognosis fills me with such an immense sadness and I struggle to understand why the rest of the world can’t feel the same. If we wipe it out, the Atlantic Forest will NEVER come back. It will be gone forever! How can we deprive future generations of such natural majesty? How can we deprive so many plants and animals their right to live on this planet??? It just doesn’t make any sense…

Loooong hours in the classroom

raien — 2008-05-28T08:05:58-05:00

Today was not the most exciting, but I really can't complain--I am in paradise, after all. I woke up early and went for a run with Julia (my roommate) and Aylesse. We ran for about 40 minutes. I definitely feel better about my performance today; yesterday I could barely make it up the hills (there are many, many hills). Retrospectively, I've decided to attribute my violent wheezing and chest pains yesterday to the higher altitude. Otherwise I would have to acknowledge just how out of shape I have become. No thank you.

Today was lectures and exercises and more lectures. We had a quiz too, but I got a 9/10 so I'm pretty happy with that. I need to get an A in this course since it's 6 credits and will serve as a fairly solid boost to my GPA. I'm at a 3.6 right now and I need to hit 3.7+ by graduation so that I can qualify for a Marshall Scholarship and get my PhD for free in the United Kingdom. It's a lofty goal, but it would be an amazing opportunity. And who knows, it might happen.

We had a lesson today about ecological footprints, a subject I find very interesting. I did two calculations and determined that my footprint in New York is much smaller than in Maryland--no surprise there. (If anyone who knows me, or knows my shoe size, is reading this, I'm sure you're thinking about how big my footprint is anywhere. Har har.) Being a vegetarian really reduces my impact on the planet; being a vegan would reduce it even further. Definitely an option I would consider, but I'd have to give up ice cream. And yogurt. And cheese. That would be rough.

The food here has continued to exceed my expectations. I've been eating yogurt, granola, and bananas for breakfast, followed by lots of vegetables (squash, beets, potatoes, zucchini, etc.) and salads for dinner. Everything smothered in hot sauce, just how I like it. And I've been drinking lots of water, tea, and coffee. I hope the water is negating the dehydrating effects of the caffeine. The only issue is that since I've been eating so many meals per day (breakfast, coffee break, lunch, coffee and cake break, dinner), I haven't been able to measure how much I've been eating. Everything is healthy and incredibly unprocessed (a welcome change from my usual diet), but I just hope that I don't get fat(ter) while I'm here.

This evening we had individual discussions with our professor and TAs to discuss our project topics. I think I'm going to scrap the idea about dogs (I just can't think of a hypothesis or experiment) and study erosion control methods instead. I'm still in the planning stages, but I'll probably spend Friday hashing out the details.

I'd like to reflect more on what I learned today, but my mind is drawing a blank. This entry seems a little vacuous, so hopefully I'll actually be able to express some thoughts tomorrow. I might go to bed soon... Julia, Kaitlyn, and I watched half of Paris, Je T'aime last night (one of my *favorite* films), so we'll probably finish it after our reading is done. The nights here have been very laid back so far, but we're having our first "social" tomorrow night, so things are bound to get a little crazy. I hope.

Livin On the Edge

raien — 2008-05-30T01:05:38-05:00

Last night was a blast. It was exactly what I needed.

We spent most of the day out in the field: we compared two sites on opposite faces of a hill--in both pasture and forest--based on a selection of measurements, such as air temperature, soil temperature, relative humidity, light, canopy cover, etc. The points we analyzed were 50 meters apart, which seemed much further considering the incline and the thicket--which was intense. Bromeliads are not not kind. No, they are not.

We came back to the classroom and had a lesson on basic statistics while we analyzed our data. Thank god we didn't have to do another Power Point. Not that I don't love Power Points, because really I do, but the group work was getting kind of...tense. We were split into two groups of ten for our second presentations (on our leaf collection data) and there was an uncomfortable level of dissent. We didn't make it to full scale mutiny, but there was definitely some snapping. Unnecessary snapping in my opinion, but not everyone can be as laid back and wonderful as me all of the time. Uh huh.

Our "social" started at about 8:30...and I would say that we all behaved pretty socially. A samba band came in, which was awesome, and we did some dancing and some drinking. Scratch that. Some dancing, lots of drinking, some more dancing, some more drinking, then some stumbling. Lots of fun. Legal fun! So over the 21 year old drinking age in the US. Ooooover it.

I fell asleep early--and when I say fell asleep, I mean passed out. I slept really soundly and I feel great today. Can't say the same for everyone else though; I think the overall mood is headachey. (Fun fact: I've never had a hangover. KNOCK ON WOOD.)

We have the whole day today to work on our project proposals. I changed my topic (again), but I'm much happier with my new idea. I decided that I wanted to do something more unique to Brazil. Soil is fascinating (seriously), but at the end of the day, dirt is dirt. Since I'm here in such an extraordinary environment, I'd like to study something more regional--and something more alive. So here's my plan: I'm going to lay out sand traps and analyze the mammalian tracks that cross them. I plan on setting traps at two different edge systems--forest to eucalyptus edge and forest to pasture edge. I'll choose three sites at each edge and lay three traps at each site (so 18 traps total). I'll probably check them about ten times. Juliana--one of the TAs--warned me that this project will be much more work than what everyone else is doing, but it seems legitimately interesting. In all honesty, the erosion idea would have been taking the easy way out. And I might as well learn something while I'm here. Or at least see some cool animal footprints.

I won't be going into the field today because I don't have the supplies I need to build the traps, but I'm hopefully going to work out some logistics. I have to submit a 4-page proposal including my general question and five potential literature references by the end of the day. I've already come up with a catchy title though; guess what it is. (Hint: Check out the title of this blog. Duh.)

I don't think I'm losing weight. Which is incredibly annoying. Maybe I have some bizarre metabolic disorder and I'm not just a chronic overeater. I might go to the doctor tomorrow because I have this gross irritation around my lips and I have no idea what it is. I thought it was from too much fruit, but I haven't eaten fruit for three days and little red bumps are still chilling on my face. I don't think it's fatal, but it's unsightly and really itchy. It's not actually that noticeable, but I can see it, so it's highly annoying. I have a dry cough too, so I might get that checked out while I'm at the doctor's, if I decide to go. I'm basically falling apart. Anyway, if I do hit up a doctor I'll scope out the office and see if I can stand on a scale. Though I probably don't really want to know.

It's raining and cold :( I'm not thrilled about it, but at least it makes it less depressing to be inside all day, typing on my computer. We're all watching a movie tonight; I don't know what yet, but hopefully it will be exciting. Also, I've acquired a new life goal: Learn Portuguese. Stat. I'm not sure if I've mentioned him before, but there's this TA here named Fernando. He's Brazilian and CATCHES JAGUARS. Also, he's really hot. Last night in my drunken inhibition-less stage I sat next to him the couch and we chatted for half an hour. Basically I'm in love. I think some of the other girls are jealous. Bah ha. Hopefully I didn't make an ass of myself. I am having serious snuggle deprivation. Which is weird, because I've never been a very touchy-feely person. I think Lill has made me all mushy. I crave human contact. Odd. It would be great to have a nice looooong cuddle session. A nice long naked cuddle session would be even better. A nice long cuddle session with Fernando would take the cake.

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raien — 2008-06-01T04:06:53-05:00

Soooo I'm basically in love with Fernando.

And he wantsssssss me. Yesssss

Maybe I'll just stay in the rain forest forever.

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raien — 2008-06-01T05:06:23-05:00

This trip keeps getting better and better. I've only been here for a week, but it's already been one of the greatest adventures of my life.

We spent the day yesterday working on our projects. I didn't get too much done, but I did find one of my sites! I'm actually going to be working with three sites instead of two, because I'm going to find areas where one forest fragment is bordered by both pasture and eucalyptus. This will make my statistics more relevant since I'll be making comparisons of more similar locations and eliminating some extraneous variables.

I also went for a run yesterday with Kaitlyn and Aylesse. It was definitely my best performance so far; we ran for about 45 minutes without stopping and I didn't feel like dying at any point. I've also been doing three-minute abs with some of the girls. We're gonna get our shit under controoooool. Hopefully.

Last night was SO much fun. More fun than I've had in a long time. We left IPE at about 10pm and drove for an hour to get to this barn-esque club in the middle of nowhere. When we first arrived, there were only a few people inside and no one was dancing. Amanda and I promptly drank a bottle of grape juice/the worst wine I've ever tasted. Then we moved onto liquor... I can't remember the name of it, but we drank a very sweet Brazilian liquor that tastes like honey (it's made from sugar cane).

Needless to say, I was feeling pretty good. But I managed to pace myself and stayed alert the entire night (we left at about 4:30am). Go me. And I turned down all of the drugs that were offered to me! (Aren't you proud, Mum and Dad? Don't answer that.) I danced allllll night. With everyone. It was so much fun. A reggae band--Mahnimal--started their set at about 1:30. And they were awesome. I danced my pants off. (Figuratively, no worries.) Some of the other students had some interesting...encounters...but I won't mention any since I'm trying to stay away from any and all drama. The gossip here is incredible. Everyone knows everyone else's business. And there has been some business, for sure.

Most of the group went to Sao Paulo today for a Macy Grey concert. I stayed behind with about six others and we spent the day watching Grindhouse. Such a relaxing afternoon. This is the first day in my recent memory that I haven't had anything to do all day... and it was wonderful. Stress free! I had planned on going for a run, but everyone else was hungover and no one would come with me. We're definitely going tomorrow morning though.

They haven't given us our schedules for next week yet, so I'm not sure what's going on tomorrow. We'll probably be working on our projects or doing a lab. I think it's going to rain again, so hopefully we won't be outside all day getting wet. I plan on doing some reading too. I just started Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer and I'd like to finish it soon. I want to read a lot of books this summer; I never get to read for pleasure during the school year because I always have so much assigned reading. There's nothing quite as satisfying as finishing the last sentence of a good book...

Musings

raien — 2008-06-02T08:06:02-05:00

We all had a really interesting discussion tonight about endangered species. Well, at least when we started talking we were discussing endangered species. We diverged into a heated discourse about responsible consumerism, indigenous peoples, personal responsibility, economic trends, etc. etc. etc. There was a lot of whining about the digression, but I didn’t mind. It was fascinating to hear everyone speak. We are all incredibly egocentric, whether we like to admit it or not.

I don’t really think it’s possible to adopt any sort of universal perspective. Every individual is shaped by his or her own experiences; every individual looks through his or her own lens. We have all been socialized! It’s hard to wrap my mind around it, but I just keep thinking about paradigms. Every aspect of my life is shaped by paradigms. (Even this fact, that everything is shaped by paradigms, is a paradigm itself!!) I see things a certain way, and even though I consider myself open-minded, I realize that I can never truly see the world from someone else’s perspective.

But really, this unavoidable reality shouldn’t be an obstacle, nor should we attempt to defy it. It doesn’t mean that we can’t all get along; it doesn’t mean we have to be in a perpetual state of war over our differences. Rather, we (and by we, I mean humanity) should find strength in what distinguishes us from each other. If we can pursue an open dialogue on a basis of understanding and consideration, we can make choices that might just save the planet. Maybe?

I’m pretty pessimistic about the state of the world; if I’m really honest with myself, I don’t think we’re going to make it. I’m not really sure what I mean by “making it,” but the future isn’t looking too hot. I do know that I don’t believe in any god. Or in heaven. Or in any other form of afterlife. This is it, kiddos. Sorry to break it to you, but there’s nothing on the other side. There is no other side!

We only get one shot at life.

And I for one plan on taking full advantage of the few years I have here on this beautiful, mysterious, dynamic planet. I want to see as much of the world as possible. Human beings are utterly captivating—we’re such an extraordinary species. We create, we create, we create… then we destroy. We are still animals—we’re only animals—but we’re not monkeys anymore. I’m really happy with my Sociology major (even if I did choose it by process of elimination) and I hope that I’ll be able to explore some incredible facets of human society during my lifetime. In the future, I think I’d like to study Conservation or some other form of Environmental Science. Maybe get a PhD. I’m pretty sure that planet Earth is headed towards a disaster—whether it’s a nuclear holocaust or a climate meltdown or whatever—but I plan on learning whatever I can while I can.

Do you know what today is? Wednesday. Do you know what that means?

raien — 2008-06-05T08:06:20-05:00

TOMORROW IS THURSDAY! And it's time to get social. I don't have too much to blog about, but I'll just provide a quick update for my faithful readers; hopefully I can keep my eyes open for a few more minutes. Today wasn't very eventful. Aylesse, Kaitlyn, and I woke up at 7am as usual to go for a run, but we were quickly deterred by the pouring rain. I managed to fall back to sleep and didn't wake up until Julia poked me at 8:45, so I missed breakfast and barely made it to class on time for our quiz. Luckily, the rain stopped by mid-morning, so we were still able to do our lab exercise in the field. Unfortunately, my clothes--which were almost dry--are now soaked again. We put out our laundry on Monday mornings and it's returned a few days later, after being washed and line-dried by some of the local women who work at IPE. If only the clothes lines were under some sort of cover. I'm tired of going commando. (And I want to wear a skirt to the social tomorrow...we'll see how I manage that one.) For our field exercise, we divided into two groups: ten of us went to the forest and ten of us went to a eucalyptus stand. We measured out 50 meter distances and used random number tables to place small wooden frames on the ground. Then we started collecting BUGS. Lots and lots of bugs hiding in the leaf litter. We brought them all back to the classroom, sucked them then into a vial with an interesting (gross) tube contraption, and classified them. Tim--our professor--followed with another statistics lesson. It may have gone over my head. I guess we'll find out after the quiz tomorrow. I think I'm going to go to bed. I ended up going for a run this afternoon and then did a lot of calisthenics. I can feel the soreness creeping up my thighs. It feels great. But tomorrow morning will probably be a little rough.

Photos from Brazil

raien — 2008-06-05T10:06:24-05:00

Sorry these are so small. The Internet is so slow here... it would take days to upload them if I didn't reduce them first.

I'm usually a photo-taking machine, but I haven't been on top of it since I've been here. I think it's because I'm in school-mode rather than vacation-mode. I'm definitely going to get on that. I want to take some pictures of my everyday life activities too, since I eat a lot of interesting foods, learn in a cool classroom, run along a lush jungle path, etc.

:)

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raien — 2008-06-06T03:06:03-05:00

I think I'm gaining weight HOW IS THIS FUCKING POSSIBLE SERIOUSLY

My project proposal, just in case you're interested

raien — 2008-06-06T09:06:05-05:00

Livin’ On the Edge:
Variance in Mammalian Species Richness and Abundance
Between Eucalyptus and Pasture Edges of the Atlantic Forest

Introduction

The Atlantic Forest is one of the most unique environments on the planet—providing hundreds of priceless resources for human beings around the world—but after decades of degradation, pollution, and exploitation, only 7-8% of the original Mata Atlântica ecosystem remains (Galindo-Leal and Câmara 2003). Unfortunately, this small percentage is still threatened by unsustainable human practices and a lack of adequate preservation efforts. One of the most imminent issues jeopardizing the survival of these existing forest remnants is fragmentation, which isolates populations, curtails biodiversity, and exacerbates extinction risks (Chiarello 1999). A vital step in understanding and eliminating the consequences of fragmentation is determining species diversity at the forest edges, and measuring how this diversity varies across different edge types, in order to improve conservation techniques, develop more efficient management strategies, and advance policies regarding forest preservation (Marsden et al. 2001).

In my project, “Variance in mammalian species richness and abundance between eucalyptus and pasture edges of the Atlantic Forest,” I will attempt to evaluate both species richness (number of species) and abundance (number of individuals) at eucalyptus and pasture edges of the Atlantic Forest using baited sand traps to collect mammalian tracks. The results of this project will also be applicable when assessing the Green Hug concept, an important measure being taken to diversify forest edges. Eucalyptus forests are planted at the edge of the Atlantic Forest, in order to create a buffer between the forest and surrounding pastures and human inhabited areas. Theoretically, the presence of this buffer should indicate elevated species presence at this edge because the eucalyptus forest “hugs” the Atlantic Forest and mitigates the division between the two environs (Ferinmore and Cullen 2002).

The neighboring habitats that surround the forest fragment edges—such as eucalyptus stands and pastures—are known as matrixes (Gascon et al. 2000). These buffers are critical for the survival of the forest fragments that they converge with; the harshness of a matrix (how closely the matrix resembles the ecosystem it encircles) can determine whether or not it provides crucial protection for the forest interior because it limits the harmful outside factors—such as pollution—that infiltrate the forest (Umetsu and Pardini 2007). In my project, the forest edges and their corresponding matrixes are the areas that I’m concerned with—through my sand trap experiment, I will attempt to determine the difference between species diversity of edges adjacent to eucalyptus and pasture matrixes.

Question and Hypotheses

In this project, the main question I will be asking is: How does the richness and abundance of mammalian species at Atlantic Forest edges vary according to the presence of eucalyptus and pasture matrixes? Based on research regarding this topic and my own prior knowledge, I have formulated a hypothesis in answer to this question: There will be a difference in species diversity between eucalyptus and pasture edges; there will be more mammalian species richness and abundance present at eucalyptus edges than at pasture edges (Ha).

H0: Peucalyptus edge = Ppasture edge
Ha: Peucalyptus edge ≠ Ppasture edge

Methods

In order to obtain a more accurate measure of species richness and abundance at forest edges in the Mata Atlântica ecosystem, I have chosen three different sites in the Nazaré Paulista region of Brazil where I will lay my sand traps. Each of these selected sites is a forest fragment that has both a eucalyptus edge and a pasture edge, in an attempt to increase the statistical relevance of my results. At each site, I will lay six 50x50cm sand traps (three replicates at each edge) at randomly selected points along a 50m line, for a total of 18 traps. These traps will be baited with bacon and bananas, in order to attract mammals. In a study of Atlantic Forest matrix quality, Umetsu and Pardini (2007) analyze small mammal populations because they are the most diverse genre of mammals present in Neo-tropical regions. If my results are similar to those of previous sand trap projects completed by SEE-U students at IPÊ, most of the wild animal tracks in the traps will belong to small mammal species (Peterson 2006 and Mintz 2007).

After setting and baiting the traps, I will return early the following morning (to avoid disturbances and loss of data) to record the tracks; I will photograph each track and include a scale in each photo, in order to gauge size and aid in identification. In both previous SEE-U sand trap projects, students checked their traps 6-7 times. Neither of these students was able to disprove their null hypothesis (Peterson 2006 and Mintz 2007). I will check my traps a total of ten times; I would like to collect more information and possibly determine if these students were unable to disprove their null hypotheses because they did not gather sufficient data.

When analyzing the results of my experiment, I will use a two-tailed t-test to determine the difference in species diversity between the two matrix types. By including multiple replicates, selecting random trap sites, and checking the traps additional times, I hope to collect statistically viable data that will prove my hypothesis. In previous SEE-U sand trap experiments, students faced two main obstacles when laying their traps: steep inclines and a lack of forest clearings (Peterson 2006 and Mintz 2007). In order to avoid the first issue, I have chosen sites with as little incline as possible, although some was unavoidable. Regarding the latter issue, I may have to adapt the random selection of my trap locations if I am unable to place them in relatively clear areas. Another complication I anticipate is inclement weather, which may disrupt my sand traps (so I will check the traps as early in the day as possible).

A notable limiting factor of my project is the proximity of my sites; I cannot measure the general species diversity of the Atlantic Forest because all of my sites are located in the Bairro do Moinho, but I have chosen three different sites instead of using pseudo-replicates, which will hopefully expand my data and increase their pertinence regarding this specific location.

References Cited

Chiarello, A. G. 1999. Effects of fragmentation of the Atlantic Forest on mammal communities in south-eastern Brazil. Biological Conservation 89 (1): 71-82.

Ferinmore, S. C. and L. Cullen Jr. 2002. Projecto Abraco verde: A practice-based approach to Brazilian Atlantic Forest conservation. (cases). Endangered Species Update 1-10.

Galindo-Leal, C. and I. G. Câmara. 2003. Atlantic Forest hotspot status: An overview. The Atlantic Forest of South America: Biodiversity Status, Threats, and Outlook 3-11.

Gascon, C., G. B. Williamson, and G. A. B. da Fonseca. 2000. Receding forest edges and vanishing reserves. Science 288 (5470): 1356-1358.

Marsden, S. J., Whiffin, M., and M. Galetti. 2001. Bird diversity and abundance in forest fragments and Eucalyptus plantations around an Atlantic Forest reserve, Brazil. Biodiversity and Conservation 10 (5): 737-751.

Mintz, E. 2007. Do small forest fragments lack mammalian diversity? SEE-U Brazil. Session 1. PowerPoint.

Peterson, J. 2006. Are eucalyptus forests devoid of mammals? SEE-U Brazil. Session 1. PowerPoint.

Umetsu, F. and Pardini, R. Small mammals in a mosaic of forest remnants and anthropogenic habitats—evaluating matrix quality in an Atlantic Forest landscape. Landscape Ecol 22: 517-530.

no subject

raien — 2008-06-14T02:06:39-05:00

I just got back from a week at the beach, Picinguaba in Rio de Janeiro state. It was incredible! The coast is so beautiful and we went on some amazing hikes through the jungle.

Now the only issue is that I seem to keep pissing off Amanda, this girl I've become really good friends with since I've been in Brazil. She's an upper east side princess, a Manhattan socialite, ex-model. I love her; she's awesome and lot's of fun and a great girl to party with.

But everyone indulges her. Everyone wants to hear stories about the places she's been, the actors she's slept with, her mother's book about plastic surgery, etc. etc. etc. I just can't indulge her all the time... Can't do it. Yesterday we were walking on the street and I asked her for a piece of the chocolate bar she was eating... she accused me of being "the biggest mooch." Which is just so far from reality... I can't even explain. I like to share with my friends... I have never griped about sharing anything with her.

She bled all over her sheet the other day, so I gave her mine. She doesn't carry a heavy bottle of water around with her when we hike, I just let her drink mine. I share my food, my drinks, my gum, whatever. I am not going to deal with her inability to interact with other people on equal levels... She is not better than me!

So today at lunch she was telling a story about her fabulous life and made some comment about riding the bus. And I said, "Amanda, you ride the bus??" As a joke. Because she always talks about her private car and how she never travels anywhere if not in a car or cab. And now she's all pissed off; she told me I was really rude and that she can't help who she is.

Dear lord. Get over yourself. Who she is should not be her address and the square footage of her apartment! And she always has to be the center of attention.... always. And typically, I really don't care. I'm more than happy to just sit back and laugh with everyone else about her jetsetting antics. But she cannot accuse me of being a mooch. And she cannot accuse me of being rude. Those are tow things I definitely am not.

So whatever. We were going to go to Rio together, but I really don't want to drop $1000+ dollars to hang out with her in Rio when I can go home, hang out with friends who aren't princesses, and make money at my job. Because my parents don't pay for my credit card bill.

Jesus. I'm going to go read Jane Eyre. Can't think about this bulllllshit.

Scribbled in my notebook earlier today

raien — 2008-06-15T10:06:37-05:00

I'm currently sitting on a bench in the Museu de Arte de Sao Paulo (MASP), exploring an exhibit of Spanish art (with a few exceptional anomalies--Renoir, Manet, etc.--included in the mix). An hour ago, I was touring the 2008 World Press exhibit, dozens of photos from around the globe, chosen as the year's "best."

What a fascinating juxtaposition of these two displays.

Almost all of the photos in the World Press gallery were images of death, destruction, war. There was one wall featuring shots from the day of Benazir Bhutto's assassination (December 27, 2007). First, the former Prime Minister of Pakistan is shown speaking at a rally, her back turned to the camera. Then, she's in her vehicle, protruding through the sunroof with her arms spread wide and a smile spread across her face. Then, a blurry shot streaked with orange flames; debris and dust cloud the scene. Last, there is a man standing in the road after the bomb exploded. Body parts litter the ground; chunks of flesh are spattered near the charred skeleton of Bhutto's car. Like Bhutto, the man is posed with his arms spread wide. But there is no trace of a smile. I have never seen such an expression of anguish, of disbelief, of utter hopelessness, captured in a still image. I couldn't tear myself away. And I imagine that a similar expression may have been reflected in my eyes.

And yet, now wandering through this building filled with paintings, sculptures, and ornate pottery, I see the beauty that human beings are capable of producing; this stunning artwork must have been inspired by feelings comparably intense to those of the bombers who killed Bhutto and at least twenty others last December.

So why, then, do we express ourselves with bombs and rifles, instead of with paints and clay? How can there possibly be so much art in this room, and at the same time so much hate and violence out in the world? And why?

I think I see the world differently than most people do. I don't believe in God, but I do believe in the value of life. Life is all we have! And at this point, I'm fairly positive that I'm going to spend the remainder of my years trying to preserve life, however I can. What's the point of this fancy Ivy League education if I can't change the world?

I think I know why I'm depressed.
The world is just so fucked up.
What have YOU done about it??

Keep it casual

raien — 2008-06-15T11:06:07-05:00

Ok, so I'm a little behind in the blogging. I still need to write about last week at the beach (which was awesome!). I'm getting there, but it might take a couple of days since I have to do a lot of work on my project. In short, the beach was really beautiful, the jungle hikes were STUNNING, and we had an awesome night exploring Paraty, a cute touristy town on the coast. Other interesting events occurred (including late night ocean skinny dipping), but I'll leave the most exciting highlights for my upcoming in-depth update.

Today I went to Sao Paulo to see some art exhibits (see previous post), have dinner, and walk around the city. About 15 students were signed up to come, but I think only 9 actually made it. The rest were nursing hangovers; we went to a club in SP last night and everyone had lots of fun...maybe too much fun (if there is such a thing). I ended up spending more money on drinks than I intended--In Brazil, instead of paying while you drink, you're handed a card when you enter the club. The bartender just adds charges to your card and you pay when you get out. I wish I'd known that beer was R$6.50 a bottle! Sneaky.

I finished reading Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer yesterday. It was an amazing book. Well written and easy to read. I had a hard time getting into it when I first started, because Krakauer gives very long-winded descriptions of physical locations and logistical situations, but I quickly gained huge appreciation for his approach. Chris McCandless (the protagonist) died when he was 24-years-old, after hitchhiking around the western United States for two years and then spending three months alone in the Alaskan wilderness, entirely free from human contact. Incredibly tragic. But, I think McCandless really lived more in 24 years than most people do in their entire lives. Anyway, you should read the book.

I've moved on to Jane Eyre. I'm about 100 pages in and I just cannot put it down. I am IN LOVE with this book. Can't wait to see how it develops. I'm also accumulating a list of books that I need to read this summer, including Crime and Punishment, The Brothers Karamazov, and The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. Since I'll be working at the hotel again, I'll have lots of time to read. Exciting! (Does anyone have any good recommendations??)

I'm off to bed. Or maybe off to read.

Life's a beach

raien — 2008-06-17T04:06:24-05:00

Monday

We woke up early--very early--grabbed our luggage, stowed our laptops, and trudged up IPE's driveway to our waiting vehicle. Much to my surprise and intense pleasure, a bus awaited us rather than our typical 15-passenger vans! (Those vans are ridiculously uncomfortable.) And what a bus... More luxurious than any coach I've ever traveled in--the seats leaned back to almost horizontal orientations and there was more than enough legroom. If only Greyhound buses were half as plush.

Amanda and I chatted for most of the 5 hour drive. We stopped at Ubatuba (a small, seaside village) at 11am for lunch at a self-service, pay-by-the-kilogram restaurant. Amanda and I skipped lunch to shop instead; I didn't buy anything, but she purchased two itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny Brazilian bikinis. I tried a couple on... no thank you!

We arrived at our home for the week--a reserve in Picinguaba in Rio de Janeiro state--during the early afternoon and immediately donned our field clothes and walked to the beach. What a beach! Long and flat, with smooth, fine-grained sand pleasant under the feet, extending for several miles without interruption, bordered by the thick foliage of the Mata Atlantica. The salty water broke on the shore in low but powerful waves; no reef was apparent but the clear horizon was interrupted by tiny jungled islands and mountains in the distance.

Our first task was to complete a Bioblitz, a technique commonly used by ecologists in which they spend 24-hours counting as many species as possible in order to measure the biodiversity of a given area. Luckily, we spent about 2-hours counting species rather than a full day, but I still found the experience very valuable. I was placed in the marine invertebrates group, which basically meant that I got to walk barefoot along the sunny beach with my eyes on the sand, picking up pretty shells, skate egg-cases, and sand dollars. I also explored the surrounding mangroves and found a few small shrimp and dozens of fiddler crabs. (And lots of gnats and mosquitoes.)

We had a late dinner after we finished wandering the beach; I don't remember what it was, but I do recall that it was just as delicious as the food we eat at IPE (which is usually tasty, although almost always in casserole-form). Our dorms were ready for us by the time we had finished eating and we all rushed in to choose beds; all 16-girls were in the same room and pickings were slim. Amanda and I snagged a bunkbed in the corner, strategically away from those whom we knew to be snorers.

Tuesday

Unfortunately, upon waking and showering I learned that breakfast at Nucleo Picinguaba (the reserve) was sub-par--ham, cheese, white bread, and papaya (the only fruit I don't like!). I've been trying to avoid dairy since it tends to disagree with me, so I was limited to the white bread...strikingly similar to Wonder Bread. And the coffee was also something of a a let-down, although my expectations were high since the beverage at IPE is exceptional.

We split into two groups and parted ways to complete our field activity for the day, investigating toposequence, an ecological study of the layers of an ecosystem as they vary over a gradient (such as altitude). My group went to the lower montane region and hiked up a beautiful trail through the forest. We collected both soil and water samples along the way and carried them with us for later analysis. After about an hour of uphill hiking, I was starving to death. I think I might have passed out if Hannah hadn't been kind enough to give me her Clif Bar. I've never been too fond of protein/energy bars, but I choked it back and felt revived. It was chocolate brownie flavor and really wasn't half bad.

In the afternoon, we switched places with the other group and explored a different layer of the toposequence, the mangroves. We sat in a small dingy and paddled ourselves along the shore; I was elected to row for most of the way because of my crew-team qualifications, but I didn't mind because I always appreciate a little exercise. We spent most of our time in the boat, but we did hop out at one point to trudge along the water's edge through thick, dark brown muck. Fernando was kind enough to spread some across the backs of my legs with his foot. Lovely. I managed to ignore the ick-factor and enjoy the natural beauty for the most part though; this trip has definitely given me an even greater appreciation for the outdoors.

The rest of the evening was laid back; we had dinner and then went to bed really early (about 9pm). I was glad for the early night, but I didn't have much of a choice: without combating the darkness and the blood-sucking insects, there was no where to retreat except our shared dormitory.

Wednesday

Today was absolutely lovely. We spent some time in the morning analyzing our results from Tuesday's field work, then we had the rest of the day free. We had planned on playing on the beach for a few hours, but it was overcast so we decided to make an early departure for our evening activity: a tour around Paraty, a touristy historical town on the coast, about a 1.5 hour drive from Nucleo Picinguaba.

It was Julia S.'s (a 5'11 ex-model affectionately referred to as "big Julia") birthday, so we decided to go all out. In Brazil you can just walk around on the streets, beer in hand, pursuing unrestricted merriment! Fabulous. We also did some shopping--pretty cheap kitschy stuff, good for gifts and souvenirs. Unrealistically, I didn't bring a purse with me to Brazil, so I bought a new bag--it was only R$16 and it's so cute! We had dinner at a nice Italian restaurant; Amanda and I split a pizza with mozzarella, tomato sauce, squash, eggplant, and broccoli. It was delicious, although I was in the bathroom when the food was served to the table and my portion had been mostly decimated by the time I returned. Oh well.

By the time we returned to our lush coach for the drive back to the reserve, I was giggly and rosy cheeked; I slept comfortably for the entire ride... and then went skinny dipping in the ocean with most of my SEE-U classmates. Delightful. But thank goodness it was dark.

Thursday

I mentioned to one of the TAs that I was unable to eat anything filling at breakfast, and this morning I found two hard boiled eggs in a bowl next to my cup of coffee. I tried not to grimace as I knocked them back, doused in hot sauce in an attempt to disguise their eggy-taste. I appreciate the consideration, and I understand that my dietary needs are a little difficult, but I really don't like eggs. I only ate the whites, but I still tasted egg on my breath for hours. Gross.

We spent the morning in the lower montane region, measuring palmito population dynamics. Those tasty canned hearts of palm that often top salads or adorn gourmet sandwiches? An endangered species. Who knew? It's actually a really big deal; although the species is protected, they are often harvested illegally. The edible heart of palm is found at the meristem of the plant, the very top of the stem. When cut off, the entire plant dies. Each plant produces about one can of palmito, which poachers sell for about US$1. There are alternative species that are farmed legally, but the resulting product is less tasty, and therefore poaching is often preferred by poor natives who are struggling to survive.

We had some free time during the afternoon; I read Into the Wild on the beach and then went for a run. By the time I had jogged down the beach, it was pretty dark--and I really don't like the dark. I was amazed by how fast I ran when stimulated by the fight-or-flight adrenaline coursing through my system.

For dinner, we had a barbecue, which would normally disappoint me since typical grill fare consists of burgers, sausages, steak kababs, etc. These options were all available, but there were also some delicious soy patties. Yay! Not bad at all when covered in hot sauce and eaten in combination with black beans. After we finished eating, we arranged the long benches in the barbecue pavilion into a circle and awaited the arrival of our guest speaker: Seu Genesio, the president of a local Quilombo.

According to Wikipedia, a Quilombo is: "A Brazilian hinterland settlement founded by Quilombolas, or Maroons and, in some cases, a minority of marginalised Portuguese, Brazilian aboriginals, Jews and Arabs, and/or other non-black, non-slave Brazilians that faced oppression during colonization. Quilombos was in fact a group of African fugitive slaves and their descendents...It is widely believed that the term quilombo establishes a link between Palmares and the culture of central Angola where the majority of slaves were forcibly brought to Brazil, because, during the time of the slave trafficking, natives in central Angola, called Imbangala, had created an institution called a kilombo that united various tribes of diverse lineage into a community designed for military resistance during that time of upheaval. However, the documentation on Palmares typically uses the term mocambo to describe the settlements, and quilombo was not used until the 1670s and then primarily in more southerly parts of Brazil."

This 81-year old man spoke to us in Portuguese for over an hour, his words translated by Fernando the TA. (Although I fear we may have lost some of the meaning behind his narrations because Fernando's English is less than perfect.) Seu Genesio gesticulated with gnarled fingers while he spoke, the bent angles of which I assumed to be a result of old age. He later explained that as a young man, he was fishing one day on a rock when a wave knocked him from his perch and crushed him against the edge of the cove, where he was battered by the surf for over 12 hours. It's amazing how human beings can defy conventional limits on bodily strength when fighting for life.

It was wonderful that we got to hear this man speak and share his stories, but I wish I knew more about Brazilian history; I don't think I gleaned as much from his visit as I could have, had I been better educated about his country's colonial past.

Friday

This was our last day in Picinguaba--I'll miss the beach, but not the mosquitoes nor the fiddler crabs and bats that frequented our dormitory! We packed our luggage before breakfast and then most of us headed to the beach to begin our hike along the coast.

This may be the best hike I've ever taken--it was incredibly beautiful, reminiscent of the island setting of Jurassic Park (I was sure that we were going to see pterodactyls circling overhead). Pictures of me posing like a velicoraptor, coming soon. We trekked through the jungle for several hours and stopped at three gorgeous rocky beaches along the way. At the second beach, several SEE-Uers swam in the surf, but I refrained, which was a good choice since most of them complained enthusiastically about the sand in their hiking boots for the remainder of the day.

At the end of our hike, we got straight into the bus--despite being covered in sweat, sand, and bug spray--and began our journey back to IPE. We stopped at Ubatuba again for lunch. This time, I ate at the self-service restaurant; I was not impressed. Everything I tried tasted salty and vinegary, even the fruit. The food was served buffet style, except it was pay-by-weight rather than all-you-can-eat. Brazilians are definitely more reasonable about their portion sizes than Americans, but I still think I'm getting fatter. Don't know why. Can't possibly be my fault though. Hmm.

About five minutes outside of downtown Ubatuba, we stopped at the Projeto TAMAR center, a visitor facility designed to attract public attention to TAMAR's cause: protecting sea turtle populations. Sea turtles are pretty much my favorite animal, so I was thrilled. We saw lots of turtles swimming around in bright blue (much too small) pools and also had a special tour of the injured turtle rehab room, where there were several sad examples who had been hit by speed boats or crippled by birth defects. There are seven species of sea turtles in the world; five of them are found in Brazil. Although these animals have garnered significant press coverage in recent years (they are considered charismatic megafauna), they are still threatened by poachers (who hunt them for their shells, used for combs and jewelry) and accidental deaths by fishing nets.

"The TAMAR Project, administered by IBAMA in partnership with the Pro-TAMAR Foundation, monitors 1000 kilometers of beaches, with 20 stations covering 8 Brazilian states. Ninety per cent of the people involved in this work, are members of the communities where the bases are established." TAMAR combines ecological with sociological missions by providing turtle poachers with alternative means of income. This is definitely an organization that I would consider working with in the future--this is just the type of mission that interests me.

Even the TAMAR gift shop has sociological intentions; all of the goods sold have been produced by local inhabitants, stimulating the surrounding economy and educating nearby residents about the plight of the sea turtles. I bought a beautiful silver ring (with a turtle at its center, of course), in hopes that I will be reminded of these amazing creatures while I'm typing at my computer or scribbling notes in class. In New York City, it's so easy to forget about nature; I never want to lose sight of my intentions to spend my life working with the incredible flora and fauna that cover this planet and provide human beings with the resources we need to survive.

So ended my week at the beach, undoubtedly the best field trip I've ever been on.

Lists

raien — 2008-06-20T12:06:40-05:00

Some things from Brazil that I will miss:
1. All the delicious tropical fruit I've been eating (My favorites- persimmons and passion fruit)
2. TIM! (our professor...he's awesome!)
3. Hiking through the jungle
4. Hanging out with my classmates here (they're great)
5. Having running buddies
6. The night clubs... and the chill bands who perform at them (From what I've seen, musicians in Brazil are much less arrogant and more down to earth than musicians in NY)
7. The opportunity to converse with other students at any time (I've participated in some pretty crucial discourse)
8. The free time... I've had plenty of opportunity to read
9. Watching the sunset over the reservoir; it's beautiful every night
10. Structure: get up at 9:00, activities all day, go to bed early (It makes me feel like a normal human being, rather than a crazed nocturnal animal)
11. Monkeys!
12. Unprocessed food (I've hardly eaten anything that came out of a package)
13. The gorgeous weather- I'm not looking forward to the smothering Maryland heat
14. The opportunity to learn and explore the environment at the same time... I've fallen in love with field studies
15. The personal growth, as a result of both in-classroom and social experiences

Some things from Brazil that I will NOT miss:
1. Not throwing toilet paper in the toilet... it's a little weird
2. Being perpetually damp
3. Bug bites (although I'm sure I'll get plenty of those in Maryland)
4. Hanging out with my classmates here (even though they're great)
5. MYSTERY CASSEROLES
6. My pain in the ass sand trap project
7. All the DRAMA and TRASH TALKING and BACK STABBING (see #4)
8. Sharing a room
9. Not really having enough clothes and definitely not having the clothes I want
10. Agonizingly slow Internet connection (I'd rather not have Internet at all)
11. Living out of a suitcase
12. Group presentation conflict; there's always snapping and yelling (Although my last group was awesome...and we definitely had the best presentation)
13. Being on our 3-building campus 95% of the time
14. School during the summer (It's been swell, but I'm ready to relax a little!)
15. Good lighting (This is so minor, but I haven't been able to tweeze my eyebrows properly for a month)

That may look like a long list of complaints, but I'm sure I could find just as many things (if not more) that I don't miss about home or school. I've had a BLAST in Brazil and the SEE-U program has really exceeded my expectations.

But in another week, I think I'll be ready to pack my bags and head back to North America.

::Part 1

raien — 2008-06-20T01:06:35-05:00

Part 1:: The Beginning

1.Were you a planned baby?:
I don't really know, but I guess so. I know my parents planned on having kids, and my mum was 35 when she had me, so I don't think I was rushed.

2.Were you the first?:
Yes.

3.Were your parents married when you were born?:
Yes.

4.What is your birthdate?:
July 1

Part 2:: The Family

5.How would you describe your family?:
Hmm. Not very close, although I think we all like each other. We don't communicate very well... I certainly didn't have a nurtured childhood, but my parents always provided me with what I needed, and usually with what I wanted.

6.Are your parents married or separated?:
Married

7.If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?:
Oldest (one younger brother)

9.Which parent do you get along with best?:
Both equally, I guess. I talk to my mum more (but that also means I fight with her more, so it evens out).

10.Do you have step parents?:
No

Part 3:: The Friends

11.Do you have more than one best friend?:
Yeah, I guess so.

12.Who are your good best friends?:

It's weird, because I hardly see so many of my best friends from before college, but I would still consider them best friends. I guess... Lill, Matt, Erin (although I'll never get to see her now since she left NYU), Anna, Nic, Ryan, Andrew

13.What do you like to do when you are together?:

Party, drink, do drugs, dance, chill out... Normal things.

14.Do you share the same interests?:

I'm more earthy/outdoorsy than most of my friends. But we do have a lot of other interests in common.

15.Which friend can you tell anything to?:
Lill.

Part 4:: Your Personality

16.How high/low is your self esteem outta 100%?:
60%. Maybe 70% on a good day.

17.Do you get depressed about things easily?:
I deal with depression on a daily basis... but I don't think it's "getting depressed easily." I just look at the world and it makes me want to cry. This place is FUCKED UP. How could I not be depressed?

18. Are you happy?:
I have moments of happiness, but I'm still hoping to attain overall happiness.

19.Do you live life to the fullest?:

Not yet. But I'll get there. I have time.

Part 5:: You

20.Are you comfortable with the way you look?:
No.

21.Do you have any piercings besides your ears?:
Yes. Lots.

22.How do you dress?:
One of my friends once referred to my style as "Boho Punk." I definitely have a look and "Boho Punk" would probably be a good way to describe it. I'm a combination of hemp necklaces with huge hoop earrings, tie dye and black liquid eyeliner, skinny jeans and tattoos, big silver rings and black slouchy boots.

Part 6:: The Past

23.Were you a strange child?:
I was fiercely independent (and still am). I think I was a little solitary.

24.What did you use to love that you no longer do?:
I used to love the beach... but not anymore. Otherwise, I wasn't allowed to do very much growing up (my parents were really strict) so I do a lot more fun stuff now.

25.Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?:
I guess so. Nothing huge, but a few things that still upset me when I think about them.

Part 7:: The Future

26.What is your ambition?:
I want to save the planet... I want to go to grad school at Berkeley or in the UK, then work in the environmental sector. And I want to travel all over the world.

27.What is your back up plan?:
Don't need one. I may change my mind, but I know I can accomplish whatever I set out to do.

28.Are you scared of growing old?:
Kind of.

29.Do you want to get married?:
I think so. Haven't met anyone yet.

Part 8:: The Outdoors

30.Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?:
I love to be out in nature, but I don't like to be outdoors if it's cold and miserable.

31.What is your favorite season?:
Autumn.

32.Favorite weather?:
70-75'F and sunny, with a warm breeze.

33.Do you like walking/running in the rain?:
Sometimes.

Part 9:: Food

34.Are you a vegetarian?:
Yes. Plan on becoming a vegan in the near future.

35.Fave foods?:
I love grilled or sauteed vegetables- eggplant, squash, carrots, tomatoes, artichoke, hearts of palm, asparagus, broccoli, cauliflower... Cheeseless pizza with lots of marinara sauce and veggies? DELISH. I eat a lot of salads too. And I love fruit. I really like pasta too (who doesn't), but I try to stay away from it. INDIAN FOOD is my favorite type of food.

36.What is your favorite restaurant?:
Kabob and Curry House on 103rd and Broadway...best/cheapest Indian food EVER. And Candle Cafe on the upper east side (vegan restaurant). I also really like The Melting Pot (fondue).

37.Are you a fussy eater?:
I'm not fussy, but I have strict dietary preferences. I'm a vegetarian and I stay away from dairy because I'm lactose intolerant. But I will eat basically anything that fits those categories. The only things I really don't like are mushrooms and olives.

Goals

raien — 2008-06-21T02:06:01-05:00

This summer I'm going to read as many books as possible.
I've got three down already.

The Emperor's Children
Into the Wild
Jane Eyre

Now I'm working on the Collected Stories of Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

I wish I had more time to read during the school year. I probably will this fall since I'll be traveling so much.

YAY.

This adventure is almost over

raien — 2008-06-25T10:06:48-05:00

I can't believe this program ends in 3 days! Wow. Five weeks has gone by so quickly... but I think I'm about ready to go home. Well, not ready to go home exactly, but ready to be done with school. It's summer! Time to hang out and party and work at my mindless summer job! We have our final presentations on Thursday (I was randomly selected to go last, which SUCKS) and graduation on Friday. Then we're done!

I set my traps for the last time today. I'm freaking out a little about my data (or lack thereof)... I'm not sure what to do about it. I've only recorded dogs and cows so far--not at all what I expected. Though, when I looked at the traps today I think I might have found tracks from another species; tomorrow I'm going to ask Fernando to take a look at my photos and see what he thinks.

Speaking of photos, I STILL don't have my camera cord. So how can I upload photos for my project?? Tomorrow is probably going to be very stressful. But at least it's going to be my last stressful day in quite a while. I have a lot of things to look forward to this summer! Including...

1. Three days meandering in Sao Paulo
2. My birthday
3. Making some money working at the hotel (and spending most of every shift reading)
4. Hanging out with my friends from home the whole month of July (probably for the last time, since almost everyone is moving away)
5. Hiking/camping at the Grand Canyon with my family in August
6. Heading off to India, South Africa, and Argentina!

Maybe when I check my traps tomorrow they'll be covered in exotic footprints. That would be fabulous.

I have to do my entire PowerPoint presentation tomorrow... UGH!

But, like I said, it's almost over. And I think I've done very well in the last month. Just need to power through. Whew.

A few more photos from Brazil

raien — 2008-06-26T10:06:40-05:00

1. Our first full day in Picinguaba-- long hike
2. Children playing while their mothers process "manioch"
3. Grinding manioch (yam-like root that is ground; used to top salads, beans, etc.)
4. Plant spores
5. Pretty purple flower (macrrrro!)
6. Rowing along the mangroves
7. Walking around Paraty with Amanda
8. Dinner in Paraty (after too many beers)
9. Counterculture exhibit in Sao Paulo
10. World Press Photos 2008 (Benazir Bhutto)

no subject

raien — 2008-07-04T10:07:41-05:00

I've been home in Annapolis for a few days. And I'm already regretting my decision to stay here and work full time during July. I was out at a hookah bar last night and Nic and Ryan (two of my closest friends from school) called me on my cell. I miss them so much! They were hanging out at ADP along with most of my other close friends... I was so sad and just wanted to be with them :(

I've realized that New York has become much more my home than Maryland.

Gotta get some dolla dolla bills

raien — 2008-07-05T07:07:30-05:00

I'm at work right now... I worked yesterday from 7-3 and I have to do the same today and tomorrow. UGH. I went to a pretty chill party last night but I left at mindnight since I had to get up so early. And I'm still soooo tired. Not that I'm complaining or anything. But this sucks just a bit.

At least I'm making money. I'm working 32 hours this week and 40 next week, so my paycheck should be about $700 (before the government rapes it). AND Steve promised me a raise... it had better go into effect pronto!

I have a book with me (Around the World in 80 Days), but I'm too sleepy to read. So I guess I'll just sit here. For 8 hours. Being grumpy.

ALSO, on a side note, my anxiety has gotten REALLY BAD. I'm anxious all the time. You know that nervous butterfly in the stomach unsettled feeling? I have that feeling ALL the time. Literally, nonstop. I shouldn't even be stressed out right now. But I am!

no subject

raien — 2008-07-09T10:07:14-05:00

I suffer from diagnosable anxiety disorder. This I know. Now, I'm not exactly sure of anxiety's relationship with my eating disorder. It's complicated.

There's an anti-anxiety drug on the market called Buspar, which isn't a benzodiazepine like Valium or Xanax (both of which make me drowsy and can lead to dependence).

Here's a list of symptoms of anxiety, some of which I display (and some of which I don't, thank God):

-Restlessness

-Trouble concentrating

-Sleep problems

-Muscle tension

-Nausea

-Dizziness

-Feeling of detachment

-Fear of dying

-Chest pain

And here's a list of side effects for Buspar:

-Dizziness

-Nausea

-Headaches

-Nervousness

-Lightheadedness

-Excitement

-Insomnia

-Irritability

-Agitation

-Anxiety

SERIOUSLY?? A side effect of this anti-anxiety med is ANXIETY???

Not to mention all of the other side-effects that are also symptoms of anxiety.

Good grief. I'll stick to my habit-forming Valium thank you very much.

no subject

raien — 2008-07-11T09:07:09-05:00

I'm really going to try and make it up to New York some time next week... I have Saturday off work, but I'm going to see if I can get off Friday. Then I can leave here on the 5pm bus on Thursday, stay for two or three nights, and make it back for the 3-11pm shift on Sunday. And while I'm in the city, I'm definitely getting inked again. Need. New. Tattoo.

And I miss my friends so much!!!

All is the same here, work is boring, blah blah blah. I need to start organizing everything for my trip in the fall. UGH I don't even want to think about it.

no subject

raien — 2008-07-12T12:07:13-05:00

Ohhhhh man online shopping killlls me. KILLS! I just spent $100 on hippieshop.com... Bought some new boots (they're fringed and suede... they better fit), some muc lucs (best. slippers. ever.), a couple of patches for my new backpack, a bumper sticker, a gift for a friend's birthday, and some sick candles (you stick them in a wine bottle and they drip rainbow wax down the glass). Whew. I am SO BAD at saving money...

Though I think my mum paid for my plane ticket home from Peru... I told her I needed her credit card to charge the tickets and she gave it to me. She grumbled about paying for all of my shit, soooo I didn't mention that I had planned on paying for the ticket myself and just needed her card because mine is almost maxed out for the month. So I guess she gave me $600??? Nice.

I'm working a lot, which sucks, but at least I'm making money. I got a raise too. Yay! I was working 40-hours a week, but I whined and now it's 32-hours. Even if I complain, I'm super grateful for this job because most of my friends either weren't able to get jobs or aren't getting enough hours. I have a pretty fucking awesome work environment, the easiest job in the world, and I get paid pretty well. Not to mention that for some reason my PTO hours accumulate ridiculously fast. My last paycheck was only for one week (33 hours) and I got 11 hours of PTO! Ridic!

Anyway. I got off Friday and Saturday next week so I'm going to spend a couple of days in NYC. I was going to leave on Thursday night... but then I remembered that I bought tickets to the 12:01 showing of The Dark Knight! So I'll leave early Friday, hopefully make a trip to my tattoo artist as soon as I get there (gotta get started on my thigh!!!), then party for a couple of days. Just need to be home by 3pm on Sunday.

Oh, and I think I've decided to stretch my ears to 3/4". I was going to stop at 1/2". I really was. But they're just not big enough... I'm at 7/16" now and I know I'm no where near the size I want. If I stretch up to 1/2" at the beginning of August (as long as my ears are ready), I can stretch to 9/16 in September, then to 5/8" in November, 11/16" in December, and 3/4" by the New Year!!! As long as I remember to take some jewelry and tapers with me while I'm abroad.

I guess I need to start getting my shit together for the fall. GULP.

WEIRD

raien — 2008-07-12T12:07:55-05:00

...You know what's a little weird? I was just posting a response to a comment on my recent blog post about my anxiety, and I happened to check out the google ads on the comment page. Every single ad was about curing panic attacks, diagnosing anxiety, finding help, etc.

Sooooo--thinking it might be a bizarre coincidence--I checked out callie69 's latest entry and the ads on her comment pages were all about women's thongs, dating sites, etc. (He he)

Does that mean that google "reads" the blog entries and then provides related advertising??? I know I have my blog blocked so that you can't google-search it... heaven forbid an employer/friend/boyfriend/basically anyone I know in real life read what I write here!!

Huh. And it's kind of creepy that google is "reading" my entries.

no subject

raien — 2008-07-14T09:07:14-05:00

Spent too much money AGAIN today.

I bought THIRTEEN new dvds!!! Ridiculous!

Oh well.

I only spent $87 on all of them, so they averaged to about $7 each... which isn't bad.

And my collection has been vastly improved by these additions...

The Fifth Element (one of my favorite movies EVER)

Go (another great one)

Volver (never seen it, but I've heard great things)

Labyrinth (a classic)

Snatch

Dogma

Bowfinger

Wedding Crashers

The Sweetest Thing

Little Black Book (only got this one because it came as a double feature with The Sweetest Thing)

Seven

Never Say Never Again

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

I want to catalog my collection of dvds some day... I have quite a few good ones...

xoxo

no subject

raien — 2008-07-16T07:07:59-05:00

I have a crush on a boy

He's actually the exboyfriend of an old friend (whom I'm not really friends with anymore, but I still reminisce fondly about our past commraderie). Anyway... I hooked up with him the night before last. And he's into me. Or at least he says he is. But I just have this terrible trust issue. Every time someone compliments me or praises something I've done, I can't believe that they're sincere.

I always have this nagging sensation that they're really just trying to manipulate me.

But I'm pretty sure that this feeling is coming from within my fucked up head than from any external influences on the part of this boy.

Regardless, I'm leaving in two weeks. So I guess there's not really a point to any of this, which sucks because I haven't had a crush in a looooooong time. But it feels nice to be wanted at least.

An update on my rather hectic life

raien — 2008-07-26T11:07:00-05:00

I just got back from a week in New York. What a mess! I was incredibly fucked up the whole time I was there. It was hella fun, but also hella tiring. My original intention was to spend three days in the city and get my new tattoo on one of those days, but between sweltering heat, intense hangovers, and my tattoo artist's unexpected vacation, it didn't happen. I'm bummed. Buuuut I'm trying to convince Kyle (my ex) to drive me to NY on Tuesday morning, sit with me while I get inked, then drive home again that night. It's about a 4 hour drive each way, but he owes me a couple hundred dollars... I told him that I would consider all debts repaid if he did me this favor. He's thinking it over. So we'll see. If he won't do it, I'll take the bus, but it will be pretty inconvenient since the last bus is at 7pm and if I miss it, my goose is cooked. I'm hella excited about this new tattoo and I really don't want to wait until winter to get it (since I'll be abroad all fall, this is pretty much my last chance.) My one concern is that if I get it on Tuesday, it's still going to be sore when I leave for vacation on Thursday. But I won't actually be doing any hiking until at least Saturday... I think it will be ok.

Along that same vein, I have a few tattoos that are on my wait list, ie. I've decided on them already but haven't hashed out all of the details--I have to wait until I know exactly where I want them and what I want them to look like before I get them (I've always been appalled by those who rush into tattoos). I know that I want to get "wanderlust" tattooed on me somewhere, but I'm having real qualms about where. On my back across my shoulders? On my instep? On my wrist? I also might want to get some sort of design incorportated with the lettering (vines or leaves, maybe?). Can't decide. Also on the wait list, I want to get a bird cage on my upper arm with the bird flying across the front of my shoulder. But I don't know what type of bird I want.

I did coke while I was in new York, for the first time in about two months. And I've decided that I'm kind of over it. It's so expensive and it's not even that much fun. Plus, I do not need to revert back to my gram-a-day state. No thank you. No fucking way. Right now, my best friend in the world (Lill) is killing herself with her coke addiction. She has completely destroyed the cartilage in her nose and needs an operation. She's lost so much weight that I'm afraid she's going to break in half. And she's ruining the relationships that she has with her remaining friends. She's all the way in California and I feel powerless to help her. I brought three bags of coke back from NYC with me; yesterday I sold them to a friend. I sold them for what I bought them for and didn't cut a profit (although maybe I should have), but I decided that I would rather put that $120 on my skin as a new tattoo, instead of up my nose. I think I'm going to present this idea to her, the idea of using an incentive to stop buying blow. She's doing at least a gram a day, every day, so between $200 to $400 per week. That's a SHIT TON of money. That's rent. In a few months, that adds up to a new car. She just needs to kick the habit. I'm so worried about her... And I miss her so much.

I leave for the Grand Canyon on Thursday... woah. That's creeping up hella soon. And I work almost every day until then. Which is good because I need the money, bad because I haven't prepared for my travels at all yet and because I just want to relax. Oh well. I'm really excited about the trip. My best friend from childhood (Erin) is coming along with us and my brother's bringing a friend too, so there will be six total. Not sure exactly of our itinerary, but I know it includes horseback riding, ATVing, wakeboarding, hiking, and camping (one night in teepees!). We get back on August 16th... and I have to be in New York for the start of my fall program by 1pm on the 19th. Which means I have to leave home on the 18th. Shiiiiit. One day to spend at home before I'm out of the country for four months!

Here's my basic schedule for the fall:

August 19th-29th: New York

Then 5 weeks in India

Then 6 weeks in South Africa

Then 6 weeks in Argentina

Then 1 week in Peru, flying home to DC on December 23rd

GEESH. Ridiculously excited, also a little nervous. The rest of my travels are part of my study abroad program, but the Peru trip is just a while-I'm-in-South America-I-might-as-well-hike-Machu Picchu sort of thing. I booked the trip as a solo adventure, but then I posted a message to the members of my program asking if anyone wanted to join me. One girl responded and she seems pretty serious about coming. She's a blonde lacrosse player from Massachusettes (not that hair color is really relevant); she goes to Williams College. I've never met her nor spoken to her in any context outside of discussing the trip to Peru. My concern is that we'll spend four months together on this program and I won't like her. I don't want to let anything spoil my experience and I was excited to go by myself (although I'd love company, as long as its pleasant). On the up side, she speaks Spanish, which might make my travels a lot easier. I guess we'll see. Hopefully she'll be chill and we'll just have a fabulous time romping around on the Inca trail.

Anyway. I'm at work, so I guess I'll get back to pretending to work. I didn't get much sleep tonight so I'm hella tired. Hopefully I will be able to nap when I get home. And my boss gave me the day off tomorrow after I whined about wanting to have a night out with my friends before I left, so I have a day to sleep in. Yeeeeees.

Tonight there's a roller derby match in Baltimore... I want to go.

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raien — 2008-07-31T12:07:28-05:00

I had a doctor's appointment on Monday, just a yearly physical. After stripping down to my underwear and wrapping myself in a towel, my doctor runs through the standard battery of basic medical questions: Are you sexually active? Do you use protection? Do you ever use recreational drugs? Have you travelled out of the country in the last 6 months? Do you ever feel depressed?

Normally, I would have brushed off these questions to avoid discussing some uncomfortable issues. But since I've been having some problems lately, I decided to lay out the facts: I was seeing a therapist for a while, but I hate therapy. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. I use drugs... frequently. And no, I don't want to talk about it.

Of course, my doctor pries. She first wants to know why I don't like therapy... so I tell her. Then she wants to know everrrrything else. So I talk and talk and talk. I really hate therapy; I was sweating profusely the whole time, despite being dressed in only a towel in a freezing exam room.

After I go through my whole story--the same thing I've told every therapist I've ever worked with--my doctor says:

"Well, I don't know what to tell you. You're just going to have to figure it out."

...

Seriously?

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

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raien — 2008-08-18T04:08:12-05:00

fuck it.

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raien — 2008-08-23T07:08:03-05:00

Got to see Anna last night. I missed her so much. And she promises that she won't forget about me while I'm abroad and we can still be best friends when I get back. It's weird, because although I haven't known her for very long, I feel hella close to her.

Then there's Lill. My best friend on earth. She's in San Francisco. Killing herself with a cocaine addiction. And there's nothing I can do about it. I'm so worried about her...

And I miss people from home. Not many. But a couple.

I don't have a whole lot of friends. But I've always tried to be good to the ones I do have...

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raien — 2008-09-03T10:09:47-05:00

I'm in India!!! Having an amazing time. My academic program is going well, I really like all of the other students traveling with me, and my host family is wonderful.

But seriously, India is incredible. Unlike anywhere I've ever been.

I am sitting in an Internet cafe getting eaten by mosquitos. Sorry this update is so short/shallow.

Having a great time. Will write more when I can.

xoxo

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raien — 2008-09-10T07:09:53-05:00

India is still great. Bangalore is absolutely the most insane place I've ever been- I would go nucking futs if I lived here. The traffic is absolutely ridiculous-- no stop signs or traffic lights, no pedestrian crossings, people driving on the sidewalks. But I'm adjusting and at least the food is incrediblllle. My host family is terrific so far; my mum and dad are both super nice (the mum is a world champion swimmer!) and I have two hot host brothers. Score. As I mentioned, I'm going to the beach this weekend with the rest of the group. Gonna be a sick partay. I was really nervous about meeting everyone (19 girls... 5 guys...), but overall everyone is great fun. I really like all of the guys (figures), but no hook up potential... I was hoping for some hot tattooed stoner (no such luck). I actually ended up with the only coed homestay so I'm rooming with the guy Nick. He's Caretta Scott King's grandson and he wants to be president some day. Who knows. Maybe he will invite me to the inaugural ball WILL YOU BE MY DATE?? He's kind of obnoxious actually... but VALIUM IS AVAILABLE WITHOUT A PRESCRIPTION IN INDIA so I'm very tolerant :) :) :)

Sorry I'm so scattered but I'm sitting in a shitty Internet cafe and I have to pea SO BAD but I need to finish writing some emails and there's no bathroom (there are no public bathrooms anywhere in India and no toliet paper ANYWHERE oh well) so it's very distracting.

Maybe I will be able to whip up a proper/not insane update sometime soon?

xoxo

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raien — 2008-09-15T08:09:50-05:00

My purse was stolen this weekend.

I had all of my valuables with me because my room door wouldn't lock.

Sweet irony.

iPod

Brand new camera

Wallet and credit cards

All gone!

Fucking miserable.

Haven't told my parents yet... they're going to kill me...

A mostly legit entry

raien — 2008-09-23T10:09:09-05:00

I spent most of my childhood in a rural suburb of Annapolis, Maryland, but I’ve lived in Manhattan for the past two years. I’ve had the opportunity to travel to a few cities in the United States and around the world—Chicago, San Francisco, Boston, London, Paris, Sao Paulo, Rio, Belize City, etc. But Bangalore, undoubtedly, is unlike any place I’ve ever been. After living in New York for so long and becoming accustomed to (perhaps even dependent on) the orderly grid system of numbered streets and avenue blocks, adjusting to the seeming chaos and disorder of Bangalore has been much more difficult than I’d anticipated.

One of my IHP classmates relayed a quote from her host mother, saying, “Americans can’t handle chaos. Indians don’t know anything else.” Based on what I’ve observed and experienced in the last three weeks, I believe that there must be at least some truth in this sentiment. It’s not only the traffic in Bangalore that reeks of disarray—although the images of two-wheelers careening through standstill traffic and rickshaws speeding the wrong way down one-way streets are certainly striking. From what I’ve seen, the administration here is incredibly ineffective and any functioning of the government is impeded by a corrupt bureaucratic jumble and an unfortunate disconnect between the people’s needs and official action.

In New York City, I depend on a functioning government to keep my life in working order: When I flip a light switch in my apartment, the space is instantly illuminated. When I turn on the fawcett in the kitchen, potable water streams into the sink. When I toss my garbage down the shoot every morning, I never have to question whether it will be picked up. And if I want to meet a friend at a coffee shop downtown, I know that I can hop on the 1-train and be there in just under an hour. I don’t think the citizens of Bangalore can reasonably rely upon any of these certainties that I have too often taken for granted.

I have always been fascinated by the process of urbanization and the development of cities, but I’ve studied it predominately within the context of the United States. When the population of an area begins to expand, the government must respond by ensuring that the needs of the growing population are met. Sufficient services and amenities must be provided to all residents, in order to maintain an adequate standard of living across the city. These necessary amenities include clean water, regular waste disposal services, efficient public transportation, provisions for safety and security, and assurances of property rights. Noticing an incredible lack of these basic elements in Bangalore has really challenged my prior notions of urbanization.

According to my host mother, “Bangalore used to be a Garden City and a Pensioners’ Paradise. Now it’s a concrete city bustling with the IT crowd. Bangalore has grown. Too fast.” What is happening to this city’s parks, lakes, and green spaces? As roads are widened, trees are being felled to make way for heavier volumes of traffic. In some parts of Bangalore, new metro stations are being built in place of parks that were previously havens for local citizens. Water tanks around the city—which have vast commercial and cultural value for native inhabitants—are being sold off and privatized by wealthy restaurants and hotel chains.

I am not anti-development, nor am I anti-urbanization. I love cities! But I fear that without properly organized planning, input from marginalized communities, or concern for the lower and middle classes, the unchecked growth of Bangalore will continue on a utilitarian path and bury many in social and economic despair, while consistent confusion within the administration will perpetually fuel the chaotic mire of this city’s streets.

Next stop: Cape Town

raien — 2008-10-02T04:10:20-05:00

Today is my last day in India. Wow. I actually can't believe it. I knew that it was going to go by fast, but I wasn't prepared for it to go by this fast. For the past few days I've been saying that I was ready to leave Bangalore, which I think I am. But I'm not really ready to leave my host parents. They have been so incredible and I feel as if I've only been able to skim the surface of their lives, barely making a lasting impression. Last night Nick and I took them out to dinner; we shared some drinks, some stories, and some laughs. (No tears yet.) Then we came back to the house and sat around the kitchen table in their lovely home. Arun and Seetha showed us some of their oldest son's (Sirish) books. He's published fifteen; he wrote his first one at age nineteen and has received numerous international awards. Incredible.

The four of us also exhanged gifts. I gave Arun an "I Love NY" tshirt and an Obama '08 magnet. I gave Seetha a pair of earrings from New York, a woven basket that I picked up at Navardashanam, and a silk scarf that I bought in 4th Block Jayanagar. I think they liked their presents- Arun came into my room this morning wearing his t-shirt and commented that it fit perfectly. Seetha is harder to read, but she did try on her earrings and seemed pleased.

I was surprised when they also had gifts for me- a beautiful silk scarf, a sandalwood bookmark, and a copy of Sirish's first book. They also gave Nick a book and a bookmark, in addition to a light blue silk tie with a horse pattern. I hadn't expected gifts at all and I was really touched. On the title page of my book, they inscribed, "Dear Whitney; To the girl with the beautiful smile. We know you will reach great heights in your life. Love, Arun and Seetha." In Nick's book, they inscribed a similar message, except they wrote, "You will reach great heights in your career." A very interesting contrast, which I think perhaps reflects the different impressions that Nick and I give off. I won't dwell on it, but I'd like to think that I am more driven by the prospect of reaching great heights in my life than just in my career.

I may be ready to part with Bangalore, the city itself if not the people in it, but I'm leaving India with a sense of reluctance. This country is so huge and diverse- and I've seen such a tiny part of it. I know I will come back here. One of my traveling professors, Sudha (whom I adore) is from Mumbai, and I know I could show up on her doorstep at any time and be welcomed without a moment's hesistation. I think, sometime in the future, I'd like to backpack around India, Nepal, Burma, Bangladesh, Thailand, Cambodia, China... And wherever else my incurable wanderlust takes me. What an adventure!

I hope that my finances and lifestyle-whatever they may be-will allow me to do this. My time in Brazil this summer filled me with an incredible desire to explore South America; now my short time in India has inspired me to see as much of Asia as I can. Human beings are human beings, all across the world, but I've just started to detect the nuances that separate the east and the west. Socialization is an incredible thing. I think that the only way to really grow as a person is to try and escape one's own parameters- I have to try, as hard as I can, to see the world from someone else's perspective. Of course, I cannot escape my own background-I am a product of my society and my upbringing, as is anyone else-but I just need to learn whatever I can and see all that I can.

So, here I come South Africa. A whole new country! On a whole new continent! While I'm sad to leave India, I know that I'll return someday. And I know that an array of new adventures are coming in the following months. I had originally planned to spend my one-week vacation in South Africa in Zambia, visiting Victoria Falls, but now I think I'd like to volunteer with an NGO in Namibia or Botswana. I haven't made any plans yet or found any contacts, but I'm excited by the prospect.

I have to meet my group at 9pm tonight and we're leaving for the airport by 10pm. Our flight doesn't leave until just after 4am, but we have to have lots of time for any unexpected situations that may arise. After a 4-hour flight we have a short layover in Dubai (what a tease...I want to spend at least 2 days there!), then straight to South Africa.

Next time I post, I'll be in Cape Town. Wow. It still hasn't sunk in...

ps. Got a new camera! Bought the same model I had... got it on the black market. Kind of sketchy, but it's new and has all the parts, so I'll deal with the lack of warranty. Now I can take pictures and post them here :)

Hey hey hey C-Town!

raien — 2008-10-07T11:10:54-05:00

I've been in Cape Town for about four days now- and I'm really impressed so far. After leaving Bangalore very early Friday morning, we flew four hours to Dubai on Emirates Airlines. I'd heard that the in-flight entertainment was unparalleled and I certainly wasn't disappointed. I think I watched about 6 movies- let me know if you want my honest reviews :) I wasn't disappointed with Dubai, either. I really wish that my layover had been longer so I could have explored the city before boarding my next flight, but the Dubai airport-which was possibly the most cosmopolitan place I've ever experiences-has the third largest duty-free shopping mall in the world, so I did alright. I bought a hookah... whoops. An absolutely ridiculous purchase, but it's SO gorgeous and if anyone ever asks me where I bought it, I can just casually say, "The UAE." I'm going to have to lug it around for the next 3 months, so people had better ask me where I bought it.

I landed in Cape Town at about 4pm after a 9.5 hour flight. (Not looking forward to the 30 hours of flying between Cape Town and Buenos Aires.) My IHP group was met by our South Africa country coordinator, Chris Colvin. He's an American, but he's been living in Cape Town for 10 years and he met his wife here. He seems like a good guy so far, and I'm looking forward to receiving a less one-sided education. My main critique of the IHP program so far is its partnership with the Environment Support Group (ESG) in Bangalore. I don't think educational institutions should depend on advocacy organizations to inform students about social issues. Not appropriate.

After leaving the airport, we drove in a chartered bus for about thirty minutes to reach the Backpackers Hostel, our home for our first two nights in Cape Town. During the short drive I saw more graffiti than I did in five weeks in Bangalore (which will make my life a lot easier since I'm doing a semester-long project on street art). I was also astounded by how beautiful this city is! I was totally unprepared. And our hostel was a block from the ocean- gorgeous. Bangalore had its highlights, but asthestic value certainly wasn't one of them. We arrived at the hostel and settled into our rooms; then Chris gave us some basic orientation information. Afterwards, everyone went out for dinner, but I wasn't feeling well so I went straight to bed.

I woke up refreshed the next morning, ready to climb Table Mountain, the large flat-topped peak that looms over Cape Town. I set out with three other girls in a taxi which took us to the mountain's base. After an examination of our options, we chose the "moderately-dangerous" route to the summit. We examined the "very dangerous" trail, but some seasoned-looking climbers told us it was "very gnarly," so we decided not to push our luck. Thank God! It was one hell of a climb. I'll admit that I'm a little out of shape, but there was several sections that were straight-up vertical rock faces. Exhilarating, to say the least. (Kudos to Jamie who did the whole climb in Keds!) But- the views made it totally worth it. The nice thing about the "moderately-dangerous" trail was that it took us around the backside of the mountain, which allowed us to see some incredible new views of the city and its surrounding bays. Incredible. I took lots of pictures, so I'll post them as soon as I get around to it... don't hold your breath. We also met two guys who ended up climbing with us; one of them was afraid of heights, so we ended up catching up to them everytime he got stuck clinging desperately to a rocky outcrop. They very really nice and drove us home after our descent; they also promised that they could hook us up with some fun outdoorsy-options for our one-week vacation if we liked.

I didn't do much for the rest of the day; the four of us stopped at a nearby grocery store to pick up hummus and veggies and ate lunch on the balcony at our hostel. We all went to Chris' house for dinner, got to meet his family and the professor at UCT who will be teaching one of our courses while we're here. A few people went out after we got back from dinner, but I was exhausted (again) so I just went to bed. (If I don't watch out, I'm going to get boring. Then my friends at school won't want me back!)

I woke up early again on Sunday morning. I had planned to visit Robbin's Island-an Alcatraz-esque prison off the coast of Cape Town where Nelson Mandela was held for over two decades-but it was closed because of strong winds. I ended up walking down to the Waterfront instead with a few other students. The walk along the ocean was incredible- clear blue skies, sparking green water, yada yada yada. Breathtaking. The Waterfront is a huge shopping complex- very touristy, very big. Kind of overwhelming, especially since I really don't like malls. I checked out the Apple Store, since I had been told that iPods were way cheaper here... but I found out that this isn't true at all. They're actually about $150 more expensive. LAME. So I think I will be going music-less until I return to the states, which sucks. Oh well. I guess it's just one more challenge to overcome!

On Sunday night we moved into our first homestay in South Africa, ten days with a family in Langa- the first black township in Cape Town (founded 1923- I think). I'm living with Corrine and Anjali-two great girls-in Nomalady's house. I would love to write about my experiences here so far, but my roommate is currently standing over me because I'm taking way too long on the computer (sorry Anjali!). So, I will have to leave you in suspense. I have a lot to say about Langa, and I want to make it good.

Stay tuned for more fascinating South African updates! (And I promise to update more- this Internet cafe is much nicer than the one I used in India, albeit a bit more expensive.)

So Long, Langa

raien — 2008-10-14T10:10:43-05:00

Well, I definitely haven't been able to update as often as I said I wanted to. Not my fault! IHP keeps us very busy... we're in class from 8:30am to 5:00 or 6:00pm every day. Not fun. The academics definitely aren't overly challenging, but there is a lot of work. I wish we got to spend more time doing field visits and touring the city. But I can't complain too much. I'm having a pretty great time.

Tonight is my last night in Langa! I can't say that I'm not glad to be moving on. I've really enjoyed my time here, but my host mum is a little...difficult. To say the least. And Anjali and I are staying in a room with barely 6 inches to move around the bed. Definitely not unbearable, but tiring. Tomorrow night we move into the Bo Kaap, a Muslim neighborhood in downtown Cape Town, just four blocks from Long Street (the central bar/club area). Can't wait for that. Although it's going to be very interesting living with a Muslim family. I lived with (secular) Hindus in India, Catholics in Langa, and now Muslims in the Bo Kaap. No lack of variety in that regard.

There's a lot to say about Langa, but I'm not really in a position to compile my thoughts. There's a lot of community here and it's incredibly interesting to see how people have reacted to the apartheid and its after-effects. Everyone is very nice and welcoming, but I feel a little voyeuristic- as if I'm here to watch the people in this neighborhood like animals in a zoo. I spoke to a girl I met about this and she said that important things happened in Langa (and transformations are continuing to happen) so it's right that the community should be explored and visited. She's probably right, but I'm not sure if everyone from Langa feels this way about all of the white tourists who come round in their tour buses.

I've got slightly less than three more weeks here, then a one week vacation. I'm still figuring out where exactly I'm going to go. I'd like to go to Zimbabwe and see Victoria Falls; I'm trying to work out an itinerary. I think a few IHPers are going to go to London; our flight from CT to Buenos Aires stops there (a ridiculous place for a layover) so it would just involve breaking up the flight. But the weather in London is going to be awful and everything will be so expensive.

Sunday afternoon

raien — 2008-10-19T10:10:50-05:00

I’m still having an amazing time in South Africa. I went cage diving with great white sharks yesterday! It was incredible. I went with three other students—Sarah, Joey, and Amy. The dive company picked us up in the Bo Kaap and we drove two hours to Gansbai, which is along the coast, southeast of Cape Town. They fed us some breakfast (I was a little miffed about the lack of a vegetarian option) and then we drove down to the dock to board the boat. We anchored about 3 miles away and waited for the sharks to arrive. It didn’t take very long before a female shark approached our boat, attracted by the chum that the crew dumped into the water. Our guide talked about how cautious these sharks really are; all of the ones we saw that day approached the boat pretty slowly, zig zagging toward us. We saw four or five sharks in total; I think the longest one was just over 3 meters (about 10 feet), which is actually relatively petit for a great white shark—they can reach over 6 meters! I spent about half an hour in the cage itself. We were wearing wetsuits, but it was still really cold. Like, really freaking cold. But it was worth it. It was like real life shark week! And we all know how much I love shark week. After we finished our cage diving expedition, we were driven back to the dive center for lunch and drinks (this time they had a vegetarian meal for me). On the way back to Cape Town, we stopped and went whale watching. So cool! We saw several pairs of mommy and baby right whales, all very close to shore. Fun fact: Male whales mate with the females from underneath, so when the female whales aren’t down for any hanky panky, they stay in shallow water. Huh. I have tons of pictures of sharks and whales (and tons of pictures of blank water…there were lots of misses), which I will upload and post here sometime… eventually.

One big critique I have of the dive company that I went with: They call themselves an “ecoventure” because they don’t actually feed the sharks, although they do chum the water. Some companies actually tie dead fish to the cage, but our crew suspended a fish head from a line and just kind of dragged it around in front of the sharks (although a couple of sharks got lucky and managed to swallow the fish head). Other than this, I couldn’t figure out a single aspect of the trip that was supposedly eco-friendly. The food they fed us at the dive center was all wrapped in plastic wrap; we were served individual bags of crisps and small plastic bottles of water while we were on the boat; I even watched an empty crisp bag blow off the boat and into the water, which elicited no reaction from the captain or crew. I think that if a company is going to promote its programs as “ecoventures,” it should make a much bigger effort to at least appear environmentally conscious! Small details like not serving wrapped food on Styrofoam trays can make a big difference, especially when hundreds of tourists are participating in these programs every week.

I really like Cape Town; I think this would be a great spot for a family vacation. There’s a great city with lots of restaurants, shops, and museums; a beautiful promenade along the coast; plenty of wildlife nearby, both land and aquatic; and gorgeous beaches! I suppose that safety is an issue, but I really haven’t felt unsafe here at all; the important thing is to just use common sense and not walk around alone at night. I went out on Long Street (the main drag) last night and had so much fun. A bunch of IHPers went out, but we ended up splitting up and I spent the best parts of the night with Joey, Max, Kate, Amy, and Laura, dancing to some great (and not so great, but still fun) music in a bar. That’s one thing I definitely don’t miss about Bangalore- not being able to dance! It’s crazy that I was in India three weeks ago…it feels like it was a year ago!

I’ve been on the program for exactly two months now, August 19^th to October 19^th. Wow. I can’t say that I’ve been officially homesick, but I miss the comfort of having one single location—my house—to refer to as home and one single group of people—the Hoots!—to refer to as family. (Although even when I am in the states my double life between Annapolis and New York blurs my sense of “home,” but it doesn’t blur it quite to this extent!) IHP has been both enjoyable and challenging so far, both of which I can really appreciate, but I will admit that the constant traveling and changing of homes and families is pretty tiring. I’m really excited for our upcoming vacation (just two weeks away), which will hopefully provide time for much needed rest and relaxation. IHP gives us a lot of work, but I’ve been doing really well with it and I’m trying to cure my terrible procrastination habit so I can have a fresh start when I return to Barnard. There’s tons of reading and I’ll admit that I haven’t been doing all of it, but I’ve been staying on track with my assignments. I have one big one due tomorrow, so I need to finish that (and start it…) ASAP. I really meant to get it done before today, but it just didn’t happen. Oh well. What to do. If I start it before midnight tonight, then I’m still improving on my typical New York study habits. We have three more projects due the following week—ugh—which is our last week of class before vacation. Our time in Cape Town is flying by…

Speaking of changing homes, I’ve left Langa and I’m living in the Bo Kaap now, a Muslim neighborhood in the hills of Cape Town, famous for its food and brightly painted houses. My host family seems really nice: I’m living with Gamidah (pronounced “Hamidah”) and Nadeem Jacobs (I’d guess that they’re in their mid-thirties), their three daughters (ages 3, 8, and 12), and two other students that they’re hosting—an eighteen year old French girl and a nineteen year old Swiss girl, both of whom are staying in South Africa for three months to improve their English. I had a really nice talk with Nadeem the other night about the upcoming US election, the soccer stadium that they’re building in Cape Town for the 2010 World Cup (very controversial), and South African politics. He seems really smart and well-informed. Gamidah is lots of fun; on our first night here she took us to the grocery store and as soon as we got in the car she played a CD of American rap and R&B music. When I asked her if there were any specific rules that Laura and I needed to follow while staying with her, she said, “Go wild!” I think we’re going to get along smashingly J It’s so nice to be so close to all the action; we’re only four blocks from Long Street. We were really isolated in Langa and it was hard to go anywhere outside the township past 8pm (although my experience is Langa was definitely worthwhile).

Laura is my new roommate; she’s great. She’s from Colorado but she goes to school at Colby College in Maine. She’s on the ski team and she’s really athletic; we’ve been running together on these crazy Bo Kaap hills so hopefully I’ll leave South Africa in better shape than I arrived. I ran a few times with Anjali while I was living with her in Langa, but the pollution in Bangalore was so bad that it was literally impossible to exercise outside; I could feel my lungs turning black. And I really didn’t want to risk it, especially since I still have this horrible lingering cough from August. (What is the deal with that?! So annoying) Cape Town is so much nicer—the air is crisp and seemingly clean (a little chilly; nice sweater weather), the water is bright blue (although extremely chilly), and the mountains are ridiculously picturesque. Of course, it’s important to note that Cape Town sits on the coast, while Bangalore is situated inland, so all of the pollution from this city is blown out to sea. Just because the air seems clean, it doesn’t mean that Cape Town doesn’t have a problem with emissions.

On Thursday, we had our Cape Town “Neighborhood Day.” In every country, we have one day where we break up into groups and explore different neighborhoods in whatever city we’re in. The next day we regroup and present on what we observed/experienced/etc. (So my group gave a 20-minute presentation on Friday, which I think went pretty well. It was short though, nothing major.) My group went to the Gardens neighborhood, which isn’t far from the Bo Kaap. It’s mixed residential and commercial, with a small campus of the University of Cape Town, lots of mosques, temples, and churches, and a growing number of trendy cafes and upscale clothing stores. We also visited the house of the Premier (the Mayor) of Cape Town, located at the top of the neighborhood. It’s called the Gardens because the “Company Gardens” are located there; when the Premier’s house was first built, his company grew food in the gardens.

Based on the conversations that my group members and I had with local residents (we talked to lots of people—on the street, in stores, and on the college campus), I think the theme we were supposed to notice was the changing dynamic of the neighborhood—moving from purely residential to mixed use over the last twenty-five years or so. The three other groups visited an Eco-Village (although they reported that there wasn’t much “eco” about it), the Woodstock neighborhood, and the Central Business District downtown near the train station. Everyone gave decent presentations—although we got stuck sitting in a sweltering classroom for 8 hours—and it was cool to hear about everyone’s unique experiences and funny anecdotes.

This group from the Neighborhood Day project—there are five of us—is the same group that I’ll be working with next week on my case study project. We have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and part of Thursday to meet with various people around the city and visit various sites in order to learn as much about our topic as we can, before we present on Friday. (This is a one-hour presentation, so it’s much more detailed.) Our topic is housing, but we decided to focus on slums; our specific research question is: “Why do people live in slums?” I think we’re going to double check with Chris (the country coordinator) tomorrow and make sure that he likes our topic idea—I don’t want a repeat of my case study evaluation experience in Bangalore (which was miserable fyi, in case I haven’t mentioned it). It’s actually a really interesting issue, so I’m excited for the case study. And I’m researching housing in all three countries for a cumulative semester-long project, so this should be a great opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. (Note: No birds were killed during the writing of this blog.)

I also really like my project group, which makes a big difference. We get to spend a whole lot of time together. When I chose which topic to work on, I definitely took the group members into consideration. There are a couple of kids on this program who I just can’t work with; even though I like them as people, I’ve learned that it’s best not to work with them in groups. There are some…unique personalities on this trip. So far, case study days were my favorite days in both New York and Bangalore (it was just the evaluation in B’lore that was awful) because we get to travel around the city, meet interesting people, and kind of act like adults doing legitimate research—it’s fun. And it’s much more stimulating than sitting in a classroom from 9am to 6pm. I know I’ve said this before, but I’ll reiterate that my major critique of this program is that we spend way too much time in class and not nearly enough time wandering around the city, having real hands-on experiences. I understand that there’s a trade-off, because we need to learn facts and history in the classroom, but I don’t think IHP has found a perfect balance quite yet.

I still can’t believe that this is my second week in Cape Town—only two more weeks to go! Then one week of vacation, five weeks in Argentina, one week in Peru, and I’ll be back in Annapolis! It seems like a long time when I type it out, but I’m over halfway done with my semester abroad. Students at Columbia are taking midterms right now (one thing that I definitely don’t miss at all- IHP doesn’t have any exams). This has certainly been a once in a lifetime experience and I’m so glad that I chose to do it. I didn’t really come into it with any specific expectations, because I had no idea what to expect, but I’ve been impressed and satisfied on most counts. Hopefully things will continue to progress swimmingly. And before I go home, one of my major goals is to choose a topic for my senior thesis. Please, please, please let me find some inspiration!

I’ve got almost all of the logistics figured out for my vacation, although I haven’t booked anything yet (that’s next on my to-do list). Zoe, Anjali, and I are going to Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe for the week; we’re going to do a one-day safari in Botswana while we’re there as well. Two other girls—Xuzin and Ying—want to come as well, but they’re Chinese citizens so they have to figure out if there are any complications regarding their visas. Hopefully they will confirm soon, so I can start booking everything—plane tickets, hostel, and safari plans. I’m so excited! Although I really like Cape Town, I just don’t feel like I’m in Africa. This really feels like a European city. Of course, Vic Falls is super touristy so I’m not expecting any sort of cliché “authentic” experience (if such a thing even exists), but I’d like to see part of another country. So I only have one more weekend left in C-Town; I think I want to visit Cape Point (the national park on the tip of the Cape of Good Hope). Laura and Kate biked there and back yesterday…but they literally biked 100 miles. They’re crazy. I’m not that crazy. At least not in that respect. Plus, I barely managed to keep my bike upright during the 15 mile Bikes N Wines vineyard tour that we did last weekend. I think that was the first time I’d ridden a bike in ten years, so I think I did pretty well, considering the circumstances. But not well enough that I have any desire to bike 100 miles. No thanks.

I am going to start my project right now. Literally, right now. Seriously. And it’s only 4pm the day before it’s due- look at how well I’m doing!

Tuesday

raien — 2008-10-23T03:10:50-05:00

Our case study has been going really well so far, even though we still don't have a specific focus. We've spent most of the past two days wandering around the township of Khaylitsha, seeing the different neighborhoods and talking with residents. We had initially planned to investigate the question of "Why do people live in slums?" We talked to Chris about our idea, and he told us that we should reframe the question. We met with him over coffee this morning and he proposed an ethnographic approach; he suggested that we ask residents what they call their homes (informal housing, slums, squatter camps, etc.) and about their lifestyles/attitudes and then try to discern patterns.

We attempted to do this today, but it didn't really work very well. A lot of the meaning behind our questions was lost in translation; many of the residents spoke broken English and it's hard to convey "What do you call the type of housing in which you live?" through a translator. It was also difficult to get descriptive answers. Most of the answers we received were one-word responses, so we ended up asking predominantly yes/no questions. I got the impression that some people were a little suspicious of us. I think that the reasons we gave for our interrogations might also have been muddled during translation.

It was kind of a surreal experience. I guess it was just so real that it seemed surreal, if that makes any sense. We were asking these people about their lives and their housing situations, but we weren't there under the pretense of providing any sort of help. And oh man do these people need help. I've walked through informal housing settlements before, but I'd never actually entered one of the shacks until yesterday. It was really shocking. Some of the houses actually appeared much nicer on the inside than one would think after seeing the outside, but almost all of the residents complained that their roofs leak. When it rains, water pours through cracks and rusted holes in the corrugated tin ceilings, ruining floors, cabinets, furniture, and anything else inside the house. Residents also complained about dealing with the cold during winter. Most of them resort to "African fires," metal drums poked with holes that have wood fires lit inside- major fire hazards!

The Constitution of South Africa grants the "right to adequate housing" to all citizens and permanent residents. The people we visited don't have anything close to "adequate" housing! We asked quite a few of them how they would define adequate housing, and the most common responses were indoor plumbing/running water, consistent access to electricity, protection from weather, solid waste removal, tar roads, proximity to schools, shops, job opportunities, etc., and safe neighborhoods. So, a house is obviously more than four walls and a roof- it's much more encompassing. The people of South Africa also have a right to health- and bad housing leads to bad health. How can you be healthy if you have to wade through water in your bedroom every morning? We also visited one woman who had actually made it off the waiting list and was living in a government subsidized house. She still lacked some of these basic amenities.

During the last two days, we were escorted around Khaylitsha by Chris' friend Monwa and Monwa's friend Innocence, both of whom are pastors. It was a little awkward at some points because they insisted on praying for everyone, whether or not their victims (and yes, I'd call them victims) were willing or not. We visited one woman who's been suffering from kidney problems and they literally clutched her head in their hands while they chanted (very loudly) in Xhosa. It was so intense. They also tried to convert me (ha ha- good luck), which I found incredibly presumptuous and annoying. I think religion--or non-religion--is an incredibly personal thing and it's so rude when people try to impose their beliefs on others. I just disagree with the evangelical identity. I'm willing to tolerate the pushiness in a cultural situation, but I just try to grit my teeth and bare it when someone tries to shove their religion down my throat, no matter how noble their intentions may be.

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raien — 2008-10-25T09:10:16-05:00

I wish I could be happier... I don't know what's stopping me from getting there. No matter how many adventures I go on, I can't leave my baggage behind.

Fuck. This shit sucks. And I'm going to get home in a month and all of the problems I left behind are still going to be there, staring me in the face.

I'm going to have to cut some ties, one tie in particular, that I really don't want to cut...

This is going to break my fucking heart.

I'll be in England and Scotland next week. Change of scenery.

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonightttt

raien — 2008-10-27T11:10:46-05:00

I went on a safari yesterday- it was so cool! It was at a private game reserve; natural habitats in the Western Cape have been totally destroyed, so the animals have been reintroduced (although the area was originally part of their natural territory). So it wasn't Kruger, but it was still great. A couple of students from my program are spending their vacation in Kruger, but I don't think I'd want to safari for a whole week.

I only went for a few hours and I saw: lions, cheetahs, elephants, rhinos, ostriches, wildebeest, springbok, antelopes, zebras, crocodiles, and some really cool-looking birds. The lions and cheetahs were in enclosures because the lions kept attacking all the other animals and the cheetahs are being bred for conservation efforts. Otherwise, all of the animals were on the loose. Well, they were on the loose in the reserve, which is about 4500 hectares. Fun fact: A herd of zebras is called a dazzle. If I was going to be reincarnated, I think I'd like to be a zebra. They're always dressed to party. Although, the getting eaten by lions part would be a drag. Maybe I'd rather be a whale. From what I've seen, they spend a lot of time just chilling in the ocean. No lions in the ocean.

I finished my project for my Politics and Development class last night. Ok, so I finished it very early this morning, but what to do. When the program started in August, Sudha (our P&D professor) divided the 24 of us into three groups. We rotate through three different assignments in three different countries. In India, I was part of the debate group, so I debated a bottom-up versus a top-down approach to terrorism. In Argentina, I'll have to write a "key concepts essay" about a topic of my choosing.

Last night, I completed the project/"creative" assignment. It consists of an essay incorporated with some sort of visual element. I wrote about NGOs in South Africa and their function, namely creating a link between the government and the people. I don't think I said anything terribly deep or original, but how could I in four pages? I included a drawing and two small collages; the drawing actually turned out really well so hopefully I'll get a good grade even though the essay isn't brilliant. I love Sudha--she's one of the kindest, most motherly women I've ever met--but sometimes her class is a little sketchy.

My grades here won't contribute to my GPA at Barnard, but graduate schools can see my IHP transcript. Hopefully it won't be a bad transcript and I'll want them to see it. (Don't worry Mum and Dad, I don't think it will be bad.) I really want to do better during my last three semesters at college. My dream is to get a Marshall scholarship, but it's ridiculously competitive. The applicants are top students across the US and they only give out 40 every year. It would be incredible though. How sick would it be to have grad school paid for...

I'm going to visit the University of Edinburgh during my vacation next week. I figure I should see the city in the winter to figure out whether I'll be able to tolerate it. UoE has two MSc programs that I'm really interested in. Both are twelve months: eight months coursework, then four months spent on a dissertation. The first program is Environment, Protection, and Management the second is Environment, Culture, and Society. I've contacted people from both departments, so I'm hoping that I'll be able to set up a visit to the university and a meeting regarding these MSc programs. (I can't believe I'm thinking about grad school...)

I've got my vacation plans finalized, for real this time. I'll arrive in London with Meg and Zoe on November 1st. I'll spend Saturday and Sunday night there, then I'll fly to Scotland and be there until Wednesday night. I'll go back to London after seeing Edinburgh, then off to Buenos Aires on the 7th! I'll be in Scotland the night of the election...crazy!!! I can't believe it's so soon. It's really odd to be out of the country right now. Everyone I meet here asks me about the election and I just don't know the details of what's going on. Oh goddd what if McCain wins?! I can't even really consider that possibility. It makes me shudder. I'll probably just stay in South America if that actually happens. Palin as VP... you must be joking.

OBAMA!!!

I really wish I had less work this week so that I could spend my last five days in Cape Town before I leave for London. I have two essays due on Wednesday for my Culture and Society class and one due on Friday for my Urban Planning and Sustainable Developments class. We do have three afternoons free this week though, which is unheard of. We're usually in class until 5pm every day. On Wednesday afternoon we have a field trip to the False Bay Ecological Park and on the way back we're stopping at Boulder Beach to see the African penguins! I think the only thing I'm going to really miss out on is Robben Island, the prison off the coast of Cape Town (think Alcatraz) where Nelson Mandela was held for 27-years. Oh well. Just gives me a reason to come back to Cape Town at some point. And I didn't see a giraffe on my safari, and I for sure need to see one of those beasties.

This is the first piece of fiction I've written in three years. Critiques?

raien — 2008-10-31T07:10:56-05:00

The pie sat silently on the counter. It sat, almost defiantly, as six cooks, two pastry chefs, and one very over-worked maitre d' bustled around the kitchen, each of them performing their designated tasks while subtly glancing around the crowded room to evaluate whether anyone might be dawdling. A roast leg of lamb--declared over-cooked by a fussy investment banker who was regretting his decision to invite his equally fussy colleague to dinner--was sent back to the kitchen. A solemn busboy whose tail would have been dragging between his legs if he'd had one set the tray down next to a tray of beet-roots that had been carved into glistening rosebuds. His eyes, shadowed beneath superbly thick eyelashes, sought the attention of Marie-Claire, the cook who was considered the second most friendly. (The friendliest cook, known affectionally as Spike, was on medical leave after breaking her hand in a bar fight. She was sorely missed by the waitstaff.) The busboy cleared his throat and Marie-Claire glanced up at him before returning to a small pile of diced carrots that was rapidly becoming a large pile of diced carrots. Marie-Claire was surprisingly agile for a woman of her size and she chopped quite quickly. She diced approximately six more carrots before she registered the presence of the roast leg of lamb sitting next to the beet-root roses. She diced two more carrots before she realized that the leg of lamb sitting dejectedly before her was the same leg of lamb that she had lovingly glazed with a sweet mint sauce only thirty minutes before. She diced just one more carrot before the trembling busboy with the beautiful cow-like lashes stuttered something that sounded like "ee-said-s-too-dry" before disappearing. Marie-Claire stopped dicing carrots. The five other chefs stopped mincing, grating, blanching, stirring, and braising. The two pastry chefs stopped bickering; one of them dropped the souffle dish that he had been waving threateningly at the bowl of stubborn egg whites whirring under the mixer. The over-worked maitre d' was no where in sight. He had presumably gone to warn the busboy about the uncertainly of his future. He would not be fired outright, but it might be best if he took a few days off; perhaps it was an appropriate time for a short holiday in the country? Marie-Claire wasn't breathing and her face had turned a shade that was putting the sculpted beet-root rosebuds to shame, even though they'd previously been quite proud of their bright magenta hue. Only the pie was pursuing business as usual. It sat silently on the counter, undeniably defiantly, and slowly cooled.

I'm in Scotland right now.

raien — 2008-11-04T06:11:08-05:00

OBAMA

OBAMA

OBAMA

Come on baby, work it.

Waking up today was like waking up on Christmas morning.

raien — 2008-11-05T04:11:20-05:00

HE DID IT

HE DID IT

HE DID IT!!!

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raien — 2008-11-07T10:11:23-05:00

Two things I've learned this week:

1. Leonardo DiCaprio is shorter in person.

2. Don't let an insane Scottish alcoholic dye your hair purple.

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raien — 2008-11-11T03:11:22-05:00

I'm in Buenos Aires now. It's pretty sweet. Wish I spoke Spanish though. Hopefully I'll have the energy/drive to update my blog properly sometime soon...

Buenos Aires is bueno!

raien — 2008-11-11T09:11:06-05:00

Well, I really don't have a decent excuse for not blogging--other than the fact that I'm pretty much exhausted/totally overwhelmed (although not unhappy) 24/7. I have so much work to do over the next month. Whew. Just need to keep on top of it. I finish my program on December 12th, then I head to Peru to hike Machu Picchu. And then I'll be home! By this point, I'm pretty excited to be home. I'm starting to miss people. My vacation was wonderful- I spent a couple of nights with some family friends in London (Helen, who's been a friend of my mum's since they were kids, and her husband Bill), which was great. Helen and Bill were ridiculously hospitable and treated us so well. Zoe, Meg, and I spent some time just wandering around London, seeing the sights. On our last day there, Zoe and I stumbled across a movie premiere and waited outside for several hours (I won't admit how many) to get Leonardo DiCaprio's autograph. He's shorter in person. The three of us also went to Scotland for three days. Glasgow was kind of a drag- the city was nothing special, although we had a good time- but Edinburgh was awesome! I had an appointment with a Dean at the Graduate School of Geosciences there and it went really well. Maybe I'll end up going there for grad school. But who knows. Buenos Aires is really cool so far, although I really wish I spoke Spanish. I haven't seen too much of the city yet, but--like Cape Town--it seems very European. Lots of very beautiful, very skinny women smoking cigarettes, an abundance of cafes, cobblestone streets line with upscale shops, etc. I expect that we'll visit the neighboring shanty towns sometime soon. I'm staying with Laura again, the same girl I lived with in Cape Town, and we get along really well. I'm happy about that because roommate selection is kind of a crapshoot. I think overall people are content with who they're living with, but I've heard a few grumbles. Laura and I are living with a pretty big family in an apartment on Santa Fe Av. in the Recoleta neighborhood. Our first night was a little rough, but I think the family is growing on us. Our host mum is actually an 84-year-old grandmother, who's a little senile, but she's pretty fresh. I'm barely managing to deal with my workload this semester and I already have to start worrying about what I'm going to do next semester! I've got most of my classes chosen: Climate Systems lab, Junior Colloquium for Sociology, Work and Culture (Soc), and Quantitative Methods for Sociology. I don't think I'll have any problems getting into them. But I'm also hoping to take this Intro to Fiction Writing class, purely for my own interest. If I take it, I'll have a 19.5 credit courseload... Now that I think about it, that's probably a terrible idea. Especially since my grades are really important this semester. And, to get into the class, I have to come up with a decent 5-7 page writing sample by the end of this month. In addition to my IHP work. Geesh. I'll have to really think about it. And my other worry is housing. Hopefully--fingers crossed--I won't have any trouble getting a spot at ADP. Once I know for sure, a big weight will be lifted. I wish all this traveling about was less stressful. I am looking forward to my hike in Peru though. And Rachel's coming!!! Can't wait to see her. Oh, and I joined a gym. So I'll be headed there tomorrow for spinning classes (en espanol). Let's see how this goes. Chau!

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raien — 2008-11-15T10:11:32-05:00

I'm working on my schedule for next semester right now... I think I'm taking a Climate Systems Lab, Work and Culture, the Junior Colloquium for Sociology, and Quantitative Methods (stat) for Sociology. I'm not super exuberant about any of them, but I think they'll be good and I have to take them for my major and minor anyway so I don't really have a choice. I was thinking about taking an Intro to Fiction Writing course, because I've always loved to write and it might be fun, but that would put me at 20 credits. Which is more or less synonymous with suicide. I'd hate to graduate college without taking a writing class though, so hopefully I'll be able to fit it in sometime next year. It's hard to still be stuck in this semester while I need to start worrying about my schedule/housing this semester! (I find out tomorrow or the day after whether or not I got a spot at ADP... cross your fingers for me!) Don't get me wrong, this semester has been amazing, but I'm kind of ready to get home. I've been away for a long time! And I've been with the same 24 people for a long time. They're all great and I've really enjoyed getting to know them, but I haven't made a new BFF or anything. We have about 12 assignments due in the next three weeks- it's insane. This program has been amazing, and the traveling has been absolutely mind blowing, but they seriously give us too much work. The annoying thing is that most of it isn't really academically challenging- it's just 5 or 6 page essays that involve a lot of bull shitting and busy work. Oh well. I've definitely gotten a lot out of it though. I've seen and experienced so much shit in the last three months, you wouldn't even believe it. Albeit, most of what I've seen has been depressing. The world is really not a happy place. (So I guess it's our responsibility to try as hard as we can to just make it a little bit happier, however we can.) I ended up going to London and Scotland for my vacation. It was really nice, even though it was fucking freezing. I had a meeting at the University of Edinburgh and talked to a dean about a Masters program that I'm interested in, and I LOVED it. So, maybe I'll end up there for grad school. It's a really beautiful city. I also got to get Leonardo DiCaprio's autograph at a movie premier on my last day in London. I'll show you pictures :) Now I've been in Buenos Aires for a week. Fuck, I wish I spoke Spanish. I haven't seen too much of the city yet, but it seems like a nice place. I'm probably not sounding too enthusiastic about it- I think I'm a little burned out. (Going to London for a week might have been a mistake because it was kind of like going home- now I have 5 more weeks to stick out this program.) I haven't been out at night yet because I've been so tired, but I've heard that the nightlife here is the real highlight of the city, so hopefully I'll experience it soon. There's an annual museum night tomorrow, where all of the museums are opened from 10pm to 7am with free admission (no one ever sleeps here) and it's one huge party, so I'm going to hit that up. I also found a friend with some Ecstasy so I'll probably hit that up too :) Other than that, just trying to stay afloat and push through. Every so often I get this sinking, overwhelming feeling in the pit of my stomach- I've just seen so much, done such ridiculous shit, and haven't really had the time to sit down and process it all. It's crazy. But I've absolutely enjoyed my time abroad this semester and I think it will be life-changing. Of course, it's not over yet. I have four more weeks here, then just over a week in Peru. Rachel actually says she's coming to hike Machu Picchu with me, so that'll be awesome, but I'll believe it when I see her step off the airplane. Love the girl to death, but the word "flaky" comes to mind. Going to go do some work...

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raien — 2008-11-18T04:11:37-05:00

I need to write two papers tonight. Bother. Bother bother bother. And I need to figure out what I'm going to write my thesis on... I don't even want to think about that right now!! Not to mention I'm the most broke I've ever been in my entire life. Like, seriously broke. Like, borrowing money from my parents broke. Like, really fucking broke. Guess that's what happens when you go abroad and don't work for a semester. Agggggggghhhhhhh

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raien — 2008-11-18T06:11:13-05:00

Procrastination is by far my best, and possibly only, skill. Fuckshitdammit.

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raien — 2008-11-19T03:11:39-05:00

So, yesterday I managed to write one of the two papers that I wanted to get done. Both were due tomorrow. Today, my professor moved one of the paper's due date to Monday. Guess which one? Yup, you guessed it. The one I already wrote. Poopie.

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raien — 2008-11-22T08:11:43-05:00

I just spent three days in the countryside outside of Buenos Aires. It was lovely. And I finished reading my book (Kiss of the Spider Woman by Mauel Puig). I've read 8 books this semester!!! Oh, and Hillary is the Sec of State I'm SO excited. And... I HAVE HOUSING FOR NEXT SEMESTER!!!!!

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raien — 2008-11-23T11:11:09-05:00

Ughggghghg I have been procrastinating and making my life much harder than it needs to beeeeee ughghghgh

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raien — 2008-11-24T01:11:07-05:00

So, I've been pretty terrible about posting updates. I guess it's a little bit ironic since this is the first time all semester that I've had wireless (and access to my roommate's laptop) in my room, but what can I say, I've been busy. And I should be busy right now, but I'm going to blog instead of writing my paper about graffiti. Sometimes, I think I'm only actually productive when I'm procrastinating. I don't even know where to start. I really have been busy, and yet I have no idea what I've been doing. Lots of time in class and lots of time writing papers, I suppose. Just finished three of them in the last week. I think I have about five more to go between now and December 3rd. Not ideal, but what to do. They're just annoying assignments. Most of them have a creative aspect which involves some sort of coloring or collaging. Don't get me wrong, I love coloring. And I really love collaging. It's a passion of mine. But it's not really legit, is it? I don't think I should be graded on my colored pencil-usage now that I'm a junior in college. Maybe that's just what I've been conditioned to believe, though. Dun dun dun. Education is actually a meaningless social construct oh dear! (Yes, I'm in that sort of mood. It's probably because I've been denied the opportunity to color in the last eight odd years or so and I just can't handle it.) Oh, and in case you were wondering about my health (just in case), I seem to be quite healed and am no longer suffering from the phlegmy cough of death. That lasted far too long. Not sure exactly when it went away, otherwise I would have thrown it a farewell party. It was super awkward to be hacking relentlessly during lectures about TB in South Africa. Not that I have TB. I don't. But I am having some sort of allergic reaction to something or maybe I sunburned my lips or I don't even know but they are really itchy and flaky and gross. Whine. Whiny whine whine whine. I haven't really been experiencing much of the night life here because I've been so busy/stressed/maybe a little lazy. We'll call it an end of the semester slump. But I did go out two Saturdays ago to the annual museums' night when all of the museums are free and open until 3am. It was cool. Odd to be walking around museums in the middle of the night, though. People just don't sleep here. Annnnd that was the last time I went out. Yup. Crazy college girl abroad in a city famous for its nightlife... Way to go me. Tomorrow is Max's birthday though and I'm going out for sure. Seriously. We're having dinner at Hooter's to start the night off right. Oh man I love Americans. I did just return from a three-day retreat type thing in the countryside. We went to La Plata (capital of Buenos Aires province) on Thursday and walked around/had a lecture about architecture. It was very nice- I suppose that if Buenos Aires is New York, then La Plata is DC. Kind of. That's how it was described to me at least. We then drove for about 2.5 hours to the countryside- Magdalena. Stayed at a ranch for two nights. Played some really cheesy camp-type games. Ate some decent food. (They did have homemade dulce de leche which really tickled my fancy.) I fed a 15-day old cow (whose mother was taken away so she could produce milk for human beings thanks very much!!) and petted some horses. I also went on an hour-long run along this straight gravel road at sunset... might be the highlight of my time in Argentina so far. Oi. I need to get out more. What else to say? It's not that I dislike Buenos Aires. I mean, it seems fine. Maybe I just haven't really figured it out yet. I think I might be near the bottom of my s-curve, as we IHPers like to say. Hopefully I'll be heading upward soon. As soon as possible, please. But hey, I speak about 15 words of Spanish now as opposed to zero when I arrived. That's good, right? My host family still thinks I'm dumb though. They keep trying to speak to me in Spanish... but I don't speak Spanish! And we're not taking Spanish classes so I'm not learning a whole lot. I kind of feel inspired to take Spanish I this spring, but it meets four times a week at 9am. Realistically, that's just not going to happen. I'm going to write my paper now. And I'm going to get excited about Buenos Aires. I'm not homesick- just a little burnt out. Nothing a few days without a paper due can't solve. (As soon as I finish this one, I won't have anything due until Monday...when I have three due. Oh, and case study presentations this Thursday. Aggg. Not going to think about it.) Holla to my brother who's in Italy this week!

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raien — 2008-11-24T04:11:28-05:00

I didn't start writing my paper until about 5am. SERIOUSLY WHAT IS MY PROBLEM.

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raien — 2008-11-26T07:11:57-05:00

Monday night was Max's birthday. So we all went out to dinner (at Hooters, typical) then hit a couple of bars. Over the course of the night I had four glasses of champagne and one shot. Really, not an excessive amount to drink. I got home at about 2:30 then went to sleep. I woke up yesterday with the worst hangover I've ever had. It was nightmarish. Terrible, pounding headache; stomach cramping; dry mouth; feverish chills. And my whole body was sore (which I attributed to my workout at the gym the pervious day.) It didn't make any sense because I hadn't had that much to drink and I usually don't get hungover, but I figured it was because I hadn't had a single alcoholic beverage in the last 3 weeks, so my tolerance was down. Yesterday was the first day of case studies and I didn't want to miss anything, so I dragged myself out of bed at 7:30 and met up with my group. We're analyzing the informal solid waste disposal sector in Buenos Aires, which is actually pretty interesting, but I was miserable all day. And as the day progressed, I felt worse and worse. The stomach cramps were killing me and the whole body soreness was intensifying. Then I realized what was going on... I wasn't hungover... I was sick. Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. I got home at about 5pm and planned on napping for 3 hours then going to the gym (still in denial of my condition). Woke up at 8:00, realized that there was no way I could go to the gym. Went downstairs to the grocery store and bought a popsicle and some aspirin. Then took a sleeping pill and went to bed. So I woke up this morning, covered in sweat but freezing. The headache seems to have subsided, but I decided to miss today's case study events so I could recover a bit more. I probably could have gone, but it would have really sucked and I would have had to endure an hour and a half train ride. And oh man, am I glad I didn't go. Because now... diarrhea has set in. Awful. Awful. Awful. I wouldn't be particularly concerned, but two of the girls on our program got parasites in India and had to deal with that (they take 1-2 months to grow large enough to become a problem). Seriously, we're talking big fucking parasites. Like, you can feel them if you touch the outside of your stomach. Sarah called hers Craig. I just really hope that this is a little stomach virus that'll be gone by tonight. I have so much shit to do this week! And I'm going to the beach this weekend and it won't be any fun if I'm sick. Ughgggghghghg.

Final paper for my culture and society class

raien — 2008-11-26T04:11:28-05:00

The graffiti in Bangalore, Cape Town, and Buenos Aires is incredibly varied and diverse. Although I had doubts about finding enough dissimilarity to make valid contrasts, the most challenging part of this anthropological lens assignment was narrowing down the differences and choosing a focus. Based on my observations and discussions, I've analyzed the graffiti I've seen in the context of the development of social movements and popular transformations in cities. Graffiti is a part of public space in almost all urban contexts, but it differs based on a city's social, political, and cultural history and the dynamic of present changes. Graffiti can be a form of street art, used to express the artist's vision and talents, but it can also be full of political significance, used by the people as a form of visual resistance. Upon my arrival in Bangalore, I was initially disappointed to encounter an urban landscape that seemed devoid of graffiti. I found a few examples of painted signs for political rallies that didn't align with the notion of graffiti that I had previously conceived- bright spray painted designs featuring gang tags and slang. In Cape Town, I discovered much more of what I considered to be "typical" graffiti and came across many examples of incredibly intricate murals along with simple scrawled tags. In Buenos Aires, the presence of graffiti is almost overwhelming. It's everywhere- in parks, on public and private structures, on historic buildings, on medians, etc. There are plenty of highly detailed graphics, but also lots of stenciled pieces and many small images that seem to be no more significant than mindless doodles. Much of the graffiti here is stacked with social and political meaning, though, from slogans protesting the kidnappings of the previous regime to anti-Iraq war messages to "Vegan or die" signs (most surprising in such a meat-centered country). Across the globe, graffiti is seen as a form of vandalism and is illegal in most places (including all three cities I visited this semester). This art form has been associated with subcultures (such as hip hop and punk (Estevao 2008)) and minority groups, but has become more mainstream in the last decade as companies such as IBM and Sony have featured graffiti art in their advertising campaigns (Singel 2005). In Buenos Aires, graffiti was very popular in the 90s and early 2000s; its manifestation coincided with the emergence of hip hop culture in Argentina, but also closely followed punk rock and "cumbia" (Columbian music) trends and the ongoing rebellion against the remnants of the military dictatorship in the 70s and 80s (Estevao 2008). Much of the graffiti that is painted today in Buenos Aires is related to band names and football clubs, or even newly released movies as I saw with a Batman inspired tag. My 84-year-old host mother said, "Kids are doing it. They are buying spray paint and covering the walls with it because they're bored. It doesn't mean anything anymore." Although my host mum cannot see any valuable meaning in the street art she sees, other groups of people can; the meaning of the graffiti is constructed through "shared values" and "models of behavior" among and between groups who use graffiti art to communicate and express their talents and beliefs (Ritsema). After noticing an abundance of graffiti during my neighborhood day in San Telmo, I returned to a spot on Av. Defensa to engage more closely with the social and material elements of the street art. I noticed plenty of small images, including smily faces, "so and so loves so and so", and phrases in Spanish, many of them politically oriented. I also saw lots of stenciled designs, which I did not encounter in either Cape Town or Bangalore. Most of the stenciled images included political and social messages; stenciled graffiti is a relatively easy, rapid way to reproduce slogans and graphics, especially when law enforcement is a concern (Norman 2003). Along a set of steps leading to an apartment complex the words "Opuesto Rock" were written at least a dozen times ("opuesto" means opposition). There were also several large, colorful murals; one featured a crazed-looking canine with a soccer ball for a nose and an oblong green figure with a gaping mouth that chewed three yellow bones. This green figure had the name of a website-www.grolov.tk-written on the blue shirt sleeve covering its left arm, but when I tried to find the site I didn't receive any hits. My analysis in Argentina encouraged me to link hip hop and politics, which has provided an interesting new framework for the graffiti that I've already observed in Bangalore and Cape Town. According to Haupt (2001), hip hop is composed of five elements of popular culture: "Break dancing, rapping/emceeing, dj-ing, graffiti art, and knowledge of self" (146). Haupt emphasizes that 'knowledge of self' is "an ideology that advocates the pursuit of spiritual and intellectual upliftment along the lines exemplified in the ideals of black consciousness." In this view, hip hop is regarded as a black phenomenon; what's interesting is the attention payed to black consciousness, implying collectivity, which can be compared to popular mass social movements in Argentina and elsewhere. Mumford (2003) writes, "One may describe the city, in its social aspect, as a special framework directed toward the creation of differentiated opportunities for a common life and a significant collective drama" (94). Citizens of the city are linked largely because of their sharing of space, and graffiti is quite a noticeable addition to said space. Haupt's mention of "spiritual and intellectual upliftment" could also relate to any population that is struggling to overcome a form of social and/or political repression. Hip hop and rap music first arrived in the Cape Flats in the early eighties, shortly after this new type of "black music" surfaced on the American pop culture scene (Nkonyeni 2007: 85). The two graffiti designs that I observed in Cape Town were painted in 2007 and 2008, based on the dated signatures ("tags") that were scrawled next to the images by their artists. When I told my host parents in the Bo Kaap where I was doing my observations, my host mother chimed in, "Oh, they hang out there a lot." When I asked who they were, she replied, "Street children. And vagrants. They're always sitting around on that block." I asked her who specifically does the graffiti. She took a minute to answer. She finally said, "I'm not really sure. I think it's just people wandering about. And talented youngsters. It's illegal here, so if the police see someone making graffiti, they will be arrested." I also spoke with the host-relative of another student on this program who would probably disagree with my host mum's point of view that graffiti is made by people just "wandering about." When I first met Mohammed* (name has been changed), he asked where exactly I was staying in the Bo Kaap. When I told him which house was mine, he asked, "Have you seen the arch near your house?" I responded that I had, and he informed me that it used to be his crew's "graffiti spot." Although Mohammed is colored rather than black, his dress and mannerisms emit the essentialized identity of hip hop culture: he listens to rap and hip hop music, refers to his friends as "homies", and wears a large belt buckle with a digital screen that scrolls his name. He told me that he and his crew had stopped spraying graffiti over the arch because someone had painted a mural over it. He said, "And now that spot is theirs." Interestingly, Mohammed saw his graffiti as a type of territorial marker; it created a sense of place. The arch is private property, but while it was covered in their graffiti it "belonged" to Mohammed and his crew. His graffiti also became a form of communication, which is also indicative of the other graffiti that I've seen, in both Bangalore and Buenos Aires. Whether the conveyed message is political, social, or personal, graffiti can give the artist a sense of power over and entitlement to the space he or she decorates. Jackson writes, "Dialogue and debate have emerged over entitlement to urban space and the meaning particular parts of the city now hold for those given a voice in the narration of its history" (2003: 61). This is especially relevant when considering groups that have been underrepresented or repressed, such as black and colored people in South Africa or poor and politically subjugated groups in Argentina. The history of Bangalore lacks not only a history of hip hop, but also a history of recent popular social/political movements that mobilized the masses, which may account for the lack of "typical" graffiti. Since discrimination based on caste has now been outlawed, a graffiti culture may emerge based on the social uprising of previously suppressed peoples. In some parts of the world, graffiti is becoming accepted as an art form, rather than just pure vandalism. In February of this year, the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, DC displayed the Smithsonian's first exhibit of street art. Frank Goodyear, one of the exhibition's curators, said, "We are not glorifying the illegal activity, but we are acknowledging the larger impact that this street tradition has had in contemporary art" (Blumberg 2008). Some graffiti artists have become famous and now travel to different countries to paint on walls, fences, and underpasses, despite the illegality of their art form. The lens through which I examined graffiti was more local, based on individuals and groups who are painting graffiti in cities, influenced by cultural and political ideologies and causes. Kaiser writes of Buenos Aires, "Taking to the streets is aimed at conquering and remapping cultural, political, and ideological zones that are never void, but loaded with presences, symbols, and meanings" (2008: 172). Graffiti seems to epitomize the concept of "taking to the streets," as the artists leave their mark in the hopes that someone who walks by the wall, building, train car, or whatever else they have branded with their spraypaint or stencil, will read their message and be inclined to take notice of its implications.

Confession

raien — 2008-11-29T11:11:49-05:00

I´m pretty miserable. I just don´t want to be here anymore.

I´m ready to go to Peru and then go home.

This program is a fucking disaster.

I actually burst into tears while I was giving a presentation yesterday.

Back to the grind... I have two more papers due on Monday...

This isn't easy.

raien — 2008-11-30T02:11:55-05:00

I'm feeling much better than I was when I wrote my last entry. The past few days have been really up and down. It's been unbelievable. I'm more up than down now (probably somewhere in the middle), but I'm still not great- this is going to be a tough week. I have two papers due tomorrow, one due Wednesday, and two due Thursday. But then, I'm practically done. Woah. That'll be crazy. I'm mostly better health-wise, but my stomach is still pretty unsteady. No more fever or headache, now it's just more of an annoyance. One more thing to be pissed off about. When I'm feeling low- which has been more often than not, lately- I keep reminding myself that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. This is an incredible experience, and I've already learned a lot. Most of my friends who are abroad this semester are in Paris, Scotland, Australia. I didn't choose an easy study abroad experience. I chose a really, really hard one. Hopefully it will be worth it. I think it will be, but it's difficult to see it sometimes. I'm going to need a couple of weeks to just relax and try to process everything once I get home (so it's probably good that I didn't get a job). I plan on hanging out with my friends, reading, and going to the gym. Nothing taxing. And Zuxin (one of the Chinese students on my program) is coming to visit for a few days while she tours the US, so I'll have a good time showing her around DC and Annapolis. And I'm trying to get my friend Anna from New York to come for a visit. She's great. I've been talking to people from home and I think it's made me a little homesick (namely my parents, Matt, Kyle, and Andrew). Well, not homesick per se, but it's fueled my desire to get this program over and done with. I need to take a step back and realize that today is November 30th and I only have 12 more days left of this program (23 days until I come home)! There's no rush! Maybe I'll miss it after it's over. I won't miss the stress, but honestly, I'm pretty much always stressed. I just need to suck it up. Of course, sucking it up doesn't always work. I realized that when I burst into tears while I was giving a presentation on Friday (yup, I did. bad news bears.). I just lost it. It was terrible. But, it's ok now and at least I let it out (though at the worst possible time). I'm not going to worry about it though. Not even going to think about it. And if I'm going to be living in the present, I should probably be writing my papers right now. One of them is almost finished, the other I haven't started. I don't want to be up all night. Laura is at a soccer game right now and she'll want her computer when she gets back, so I should get on it. Pronto. So here we go. Deep breaths.

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raien — 2008-12-01T02:12:50-05:00

oh my god its 6am and im still working on my paper. i never learn...

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raien — 2008-12-02T06:12:56-05:00

Just two more papers to go...

GOOD LORD

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raien — 2008-12-02T04:12:21-05:00

Ohhhh I just want to be doneeeee. So. Close. Just. Keep. Truckin.

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raien — 2008-12-03T04:12:07-05:00

Oh. My. God. Just. One. More. Paper. Then I'm done with the semester... And it's only like 3 pages so there's absolutely no need for me to drag this out. Can't believe I'm about to be done. Then wine tasting tomorrow, getting my teeth whitened, Madonna on Friday, shopping on Saturday, retreat in the country from Sunday to Wednesday... Then we give our final presentation and our program ends on the 11th! In Uruguay at the beach from 12th to 14th, then Peru from 15th to 22nd, then HOME. CRAZY. Just three weeks left!!! It seems like I've been gone for about 3 years...

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raien — 2008-12-04T12:12:02-05:00

I've finished all of my work for the fall 2008 semester. And I think I did pretty well. Can't know for sure though. I'll find out soon enough. Now time for 5 hours of sleep, then class, then wine tasting. ps. I wish I could take my kickboxing instructor in Buenos Aires home with me. It's the best kickboxing class everrrr.

It's been a long hard road, but it's been worth it. (I think.)

raien — 2008-12-04T09:12:23-05:00

- I turned in my last paper today. My last assignment for fall 2008. My last assignment for my semester abroad! Crazy. I don't feel like I'm finished though. The more wrap-up synthesis sessions we have, the more like I feel as if I've only just started this journey. I don't have any more answers than I had when I left New York, just more questions. - Today, I wrote a definition of a city. It's harder than you might think. Of course, I probably should have sat down and thought this out when my "What is a city?" assignment was due last week but better late than never, I suppose. I kind of had an "ah ha" moment. After exploring and studying cities for the last four months, I've begun to focus much more on their basis in human relationships, rather than on infrastructure. So here goes: "A city is a group of people who share physical space and interact through political, economic, and social venues, who all cooperate directly and indirectly in a system that pursues the continuation of human life and development." Drum roll please. - I've decided to run for treasurer of ADP. I really wasn't going to do it, but I got talked into it. Now I'm starting to like the idea. I owe a lot of my happiness at college to ADP, so there's no real reason for me not to step up and have a little extra responsibility. It's all for the brotherhood, man. - I've also decided to stay in Edgewater next summer. I'm totally broke after this semester and I doubt I'll be able to save much money during the spring, so a rent-free summer seems like a great idea. Hopefully, I'll be able to get an internship (paid!) at the Smithsonian Environmental Research Center (SERC) in Edgewater. That would be absolutely idea. Cross your fingers for me! I'm also really, really, really hoping to get a Tow Fellowship from Barnard so so I can do my thesis research abroad for a couple of weeks. Keep those fingers crossed! - On that note, I'm going to be home in Maryland in three weeks. The faculty on my program keep mentioning the difficulties of "reentry," but I can't imagine having any problems. Maybe it will be harder than I anticipate. I've still got two more countries to go though, which seems absolutely insane. My program ends on the 11th, then I'm going to Punta del Este in Uruguay from the 12th to the 14th with Kate, the girl I'm traveling to Peru with. We'll return to Buenos Aires and fly to Lima the night of the 14th, then to Cusco early on the 15th. Trek to Machu Picchu 17th to 20th. Then HOME on the 23rd!!! - Oh, and I've decided that purple is definitely my favorite color. That's all.

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raien — 2008-12-06T12:12:51-05:00

So. I had tickets to see Madonna on Wednesday with two of my friends. The concert was postponed until tonight because she had problems with some of her tech equipment. I arrive at the predetermined bar tonight to pre-game with my two friends before the show and four of our other friends are there when I get there. And Joey says, "Hey I managed to get four extra tickets." And I was like oh that's awesome (especially since it was a sold out show, but I didn't give it much thought). Then he says: "OH, AND I GOT ALL OF US BACKSTAGE PASSES AND VIP TICKETS TOO." !!!!!!!!!!!!! So I was literally backstage at Madonna's concert tonight. Then I was like 10 feet away from her. It was incredible. AND before Joey got the VIP tickets ($500 tickets that he got for free...), him, Sarah, and I had paid $80 for some pretty crappy seats. But after we got to the show Joey managed to scalp our tickets for $60 each so essentially I was front row at a MADONNA concert for $20. Unbelievable. Oh and I got my teeth whitened today so they're real purty :)

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raien — 2008-12-11T08:12:18-05:00

Today is my last day in Argentina! Wow. It flew by... Today is really the last day of my semester abroad... Tomorrow I head to Uruguay for two days. Then Peru for 10 days. Then HOME. OH EM GEE

Tis the season to be traveling

raien — 2008-12-15T10:12:33-05:00

My semester abroad is officially overª (And I´m officially using an English keyboard that´s programmed with Spanish keys, so that "ª" is supposed to be an exclamation mark. Tricky.) IHP finished up on the night of the 11th. All 24 of us gave a final presentation, which actually went exceedly well. We decided to plan a mock city and hold a town hall meeting instead of a traditional power point or slideshow format; I think we did a really excellent job incorporating what we´ve learned and experienced this semester. After our two hour presentation (it was quite long) we had a cocktail party to say farewell to our faculty and coordinators. It was sad, but not too sad. I´m sure I´ll see many of my fellow students again and hopefully some of the faculty. Most of us went out afterwards to a bar and then a club. It was a good last night and I will certainly never forget this semester, but I think that goes without saying.

There´s so much I could say about the end of IHP, but I don´t even know where I would begin. Which makes me a pretty poor blogger. If I were to write about it, I´d have to actually begin processing it and I´m not sure if I´m ready to do that yet. I really just want to relax for the next week before I return home and face all of the inevitable questioning: How was your trip? What was your favorite country? What was the coolest thing you did? What did you see? What did you do? Those are all going to be really difficult questions to answer. I´m not even sure if I have many answers (just lots of questions about what I´ve seen and done and what on earth I´m supposed to do now). I have two fears: The first is that I´m going to get home to the states and feel alientated from my peers because I won´t be able to relate to them. I´m nervous that I´m going to be unable to communicate what I´ve experienced I´ll feel isolated and unsure. My second fear is that I won´t, that I´ll get home and everything will be just like it was, that I won´t have had some great transformative life changing epiphany. I think I´d prefer the former to the latter, in the long run. But I´m not even going to think about it right now. I´m on vacation! (Ah, there we go, I found the exclamation mark.)

Kate and I spent the 12th and 13th in Punta del Este in Uruguay. It was a great way to spend two days; we laid on the beach, ate two delicious dinners, and shopped a bit. I only wish that I hadn´t gotten so sunburned. Traveling was a little rough because it hurts to sit down, but I survived. Yesterday we left Punta del Este at about 8am, took a 2 hour bus to Montevideo, a 2.5 hour bus to Colonia, a 1 hour ferry to Buenos Aires, a 1 hour taxi ride to the airport, a 5 hour flight to Lima, and then a 1 hour flight to Cusco. About 22 hours of traveling including our waitng/layover times. After a bit of a luggage mixup, we met my friend Rachel at the Lima airport and now the three of us are relaxing at our hostel for a couple of hours before we head out to explore this cute little city of 15,000 inhabitants. Cusco apparently has a lot to offer, including some must see ruins and lots of historic buildings, so I can´t wait to stroll around. And on Wednesday we head out to Machu Picchuªªª I AM SO EXCITEDªªª I´ve seriously been waiting for this all semester.

Well, there´s only one computer in our hostel so I´m going to sign off and let Kate have a turn. Hopefully I´ll have a chance to blog again before I leave for the trek, but if not I certainly will afterwards. Until then, hasta luegoª

17 December 2008

raien — 2008-12-21T11:12:00-05:00

The Trek to Machu Picchu
DAY 1

I biked 45 kilometers today! Granted, most of it was downhill, but it was also predominantly along a bumpy, gravel road, so I deserve some credit there. I could legit feel my brain rattling in my skull. This is only the second time I´ve biked in about 10 years and the first was the Bikes N Wines tour I did in South Africa, which was quite a different experience. Today´s adventure was pretty intense. Go me!

Rachel, Kate, and I woke up at about 6:30 this morning in our hostel in Cusco. We finished packing our backpacks, stowed our extra luggage in the storage room, and checked out of our room. We had a bit of a scare when the front desk staff couldn´t locate Kate´s passport, but luckily they found it and we headed off to the main square (Plaza de Armas) for breakfast. I had coffee, fruit salad, and a crepe topped with chocolate sauce, coconut, apples, and peanuts. Delish.

Despite our early wake-up, we were still running a bit behind schedule. (And the passport debacle clearly didn´t help.) Fortunately, our trekking guide was running on South American time (meaning at least 20 minutes late) so we had plenty of time to finish our breakfasts before meeting our transport and the rest of our group. We´re hiking with "Nice Tour Peru," a company recommended to me by a girl I met who was interning at the Marriott where I worked this summer. There was a bit of confusion on Monday after the tour coordinator forgot to pick us up at the airport, but we managed fine and I´m expecting the rest of our trek to go swimmingly.

The three of us are the only trekkers booked with Nice Tour, but we´ve paired up with another group of five and their guide. I´m not sure how much time we´re going to be spending with them, but they all seem nice. There´s Augustine from Argentina, Olivia from Vancouver, Max from Miami (originally from Sweden), Gil from southwest France, and Laura from Australia. I had a really great talk with Laura during the three-hour drive to the spot where we started our bike ride. Turns out she majored in Sociology at university, so I asked her about Australia-specific Sociology topics since I´m hoping to get a grant from Barnard to do my thesis research there this summer. She gave me some great ideas and her mum actually started an NGO that works with Aboriginees, so she might be a really good connection. Laura just started a year-long journey on an around-the-world ticket. I´m a little jealous, but I´m still pretty excited to be heading back to the states in a few days. My time for an around-the-world trip will come, hopefully not long after I finish college.

We were all pretty cramped in the car ride up the mountain, but there were lots of good discussions going on and great 90s throwback CDs playing- N´Sync, Christina Aguilera, Santana, etc. The scenery was absolutely beautiful. It was a little gloomy, but I almost felt as if the low-hanging clouds and steady drizzle added to the ambiance. I do wish it had been a little drier during our bike ride, but we decided to come to Peru in the rainy season, so what to do.

We rode for about four hours total. As I said, it was mostly downhill. There were a few upward slopes and one or two big hills, but otherwise the most strenuous aspect was tolerating the bumps and trying not to crash. The first hour of the ride was down a smoothly paved asphalt road that wound down the mountain. There were some gorgeous waterfalls and a river running in the valley below. Unfortuntately, I didn´t really appreciate the asphalt until it ended.

The last three hours were very, very bumpy. It was a little rough and not wholly pleasant, but I´ really glad that I stuck it out (even though my ass is really sore and the palms of my hands are swollen from clutching the handlebars). I´m kind of inclined to get a bike and use it this summer, since I no longer have a car, but Edgewater isn´t very condusive to bicycle riding. I´d like to see if it´s possible though. Work on my ecological footprint a bit, get some exercise.

For most of the ride we were surrounded by tree-covered mountain on one side and cliff on the other, but we did pass through several (very) small villages. At one point I noticed a sign that said "Zone Urbana" right before we rode through a tiny collection of houses, a few small shops, and a gas station. If it hadn´t been raining so hard I would have snapped a photo of the sign that warned us of the upcoming "urban zone." I had a major IHP-moment and the question "What is a city?" popped into my head for the umpteenth time this semester. I clearly still don´t know the answer, but I might just have a topic for the post-study abroad writing contest that I was thinking about entering this spring.

I thought our journey would never end, but at about 4:00 we arrived at Santa Maria, our resting place for the night. We were all absolutely covered in mud, so the lack of hot water at our hostel didn´t deter us from showering. I even braved the frigid water long enough to shave my legs, which seems a little ridiculous in hindsight. We rinsed out today´s filthy clothes and hung them to dry in our hostel´s courtyard. Victor, our guide, assures us that they´ll be dry by morning, but I´m not so sure. I hope he´s right.

Santa Maria is a town of about 1000 residents, according to Victor. There are lots of dogs running around, fruit stands selling mangoes and avocados, and children throwing firecrackers, which only reminds me of how much I love small humans. We ate dinner at one of the restaurants on the main street. I had a vegetarian version of Saltado, a traditional Peruvian dish. Peppers, onions, tomatoes, and cubes of potato stir-fried with rice. It was good, although not really very protein-rich.

After dinner we played asshole with the other group. (It´s a card game, not as obscene as it sounds.) Now it´s about 10:00 and time for bed; we´re getting up at 6:00 tomorrow and leaving Santa Maria by 7:00. We´ll hike for about 7 hours and then stop at some hot springs, which will hopefully soothe my muscles. I´m sure I´m going to be absurdly sore after today´s adventure.

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raien — 2008-12-25T06:12:12-05:00

Oh god.

I have a parasite.

I haven't been able to keep anything down for four days.

My stomach gets so swollen in the middle of the night that it's painful.

What the fuck.

Merry Christmas?

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raien — 2008-12-26T09:12:00-05:00

I actually had a really wonderful Christmas. Not only did I get lots and lots of lovely presents (including a new iPod that my mum had Kyle put music on!!!) but I also had a really pleasant dinner with my family and Jeff and Joyce and Sharon and Earl. And we watched the Dark Knight last night which just made it all even betttttter.

I've gotten to see most of the people from home who I really care about and it's been wonderful. I am a little saddened by the loss of one person, but que sera sera I suppose. Otherwise, I'm pretty content.

Maybe New York for New Years?

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raien — 2008-12-28T02:12:11-05:00

I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button tonight with Matt and Zuxin.

It was interesting.

Way too long, though.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the concept of time and how the meaning of time is so different for every individual, based on culture, location, age, gender, occupation, race, nationality, etc. etc. etc. I saw a lot of that this semester- time in India is not the same thing as time in Argentina. It's treated totally differently.

It's hard to explain, I guess. Or maybe I'm just too lazy to explain.

At least, the movie was definitely relevant to the discussion of time. Reminded me of Big Fish a bit.

I need to get my ass to bed. I have to play tour guide again tomorrow (not that I mind).

chickenshit.

raien — 2008-12-28T10:12:15-05:00

My do-to list for this break has become upsettingly long. I have a lot of stuff to take care of...

I've been playing tour guide for my Chinese friend who's visiting the states for the first time. We went to DC yesterday and Annapolis today. Back to DC tomorrow. It's been really fun and she's amazing.

But, as I said, I have lots of shit to do. I'd like to spend this time just leisurely doing my work and sitting on my butt. Oh well. Zuxin is amazing and funny so it's enjoyable.

Now here's my dilemma: Go to New York for New Years or not???? On one hand, I'm really broke and I need to stay here to get shit done. On the other hand, I really really want to see my friends and I know it's going to be a great party.

Agh agh agh.

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raien — 2008-12-29T12:12:10-05:00

Sometimes, my life gets a lot harder at night.

Not every night... but lots of night.

I don't know what it is.

Am I tired? Stressed? Lonely? Defeated?

I always make poor choices at night.

I punish myself mercilessly.

I try and try and try, but I manage to beat myself to a pulp at the end of everyday.

Failure.

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raien — 2009-01-04T01:01:46-05:00

So I was on Craigslist. Because I was bored.

And I started reading the "men seeking women" section, just casually. I read this interesting-sounding personal ad and sent the guy an email.

Woah. That's bold, for me.

I don't desperately need a boyfriend or anything, but it might be nice to go on some dates or something.

Golly.

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raien — 2009-01-05T02:01:50-05:00

OHHHHH blah blah blah I have so many applications to complete for internships this summer.

And I have to write a grant proposal for my thesis research grant AND I need to apply for a scholarship.

I don't feel like doing any of this...

And FUCK getting letters of recommendation.

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raien — 2009-01-08T11:01:05-05:00

I need to lay off the self loathing. It's not making my life any easier.

I'm knitting a hat and the pattern is difficult. I've started over three times. Frustrating.

I'm bored and lonely.

Poo poo.

One of my favorite photos from India

raien — 2009-01-08T06:01:21-05:00

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raien — 2009-01-09T02:01:57-05:00

I still wasn't overly productive today, but I worked on my essay a bit.

Really, I just need to spend a little more time on it. It's not hard. I'm just lazy.

Oh, and it needs to be fucking good. Because I need to get an internship this summer...

I was just going to apply for internships in the Maryland area and live at home, but I found one in upstate New York and one in Minnesota that pay for housing. That might be cool, to be somewhere different...

We'll see I guess.

I just want things to work out, for once.

Please?

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raien — 2009-01-11T02:01:12-05:00

I've finished one internship application. Ugh. Hopefully the professors writing my letters of recommendation will send them in on time. Otherwise I'm fucked.

Now I need to apply for research assistantships for this spring. Uggggh.

Does this never end???

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raien — 2009-01-16T01:01:19-05:00

Oh geez. I just got the list of textbooks for two of my classes.

One class, textbook is $115. The other class, textbook is $137.

What the FUCK

And I have two other classes...

Balllllls

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raien — 2009-01-21T03:01:56-05:00

I have been reasonably productive for the last couple of hours. Go me.

My parents went to an inauguration luncheon in DC yesterday AND they went to an inaugural ball (not sure which one). I'm SO jealous. They said it was amazing.

I still need to get my shit together and apply for internships.

Whew.

My room is totally organized and unpacked though, which is nice.

It's good to be back at school...

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raien — 2009-01-21T10:01:44-05:00

I was just attacked by a small four legged animal. It was either a very small dog or a very large rat. In this city, anything is possible.

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raien — 2009-01-24T04:01:35-05:00

I still have four more textbooks to buy.

Need to get on that, I guess. Pooh.

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raien — 2009-01-25T02:01:33-05:00

I can't believe the first week of school is over already! I've started classes, returned to my job at the calling center, and begun fulfilling my position as the treasurer of ADP. I've been staying up pretty late and partying pretty hard, but I've been doing well overall. I'm still a little worried about the rapidly approaching deadlines for summer internships, but I'm not too far behind. There are two deadlines approaching on Feb 1st; I think I'll make it ok. I just need to write a couple of paragraphs about how awesome I am and get together some information. Nothing too taxing. I just need to DO it.

And I need to start work on my research proposal to get a grant from Barnard to do my thesis research abroad this semester. I really can't procrastinate on this because I need to find solid contacts with some organization that I can work with. This will actually take a lot of time and research.

So it's back to the grind, I guess. I don't know exactly what my deal is, but I can't seem to function without stress. I'm in a constantly frantic state, always thinking about the future, rarely living in the present. Not sure what to do about it. But I'm doing ok.

Life's not perfect, but if I stay on my toes I think it will be pretty damn good.

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raien — 2009-01-27T04:01:19-05:00

Two applications submitted for internships this spring. Check.

I'm hoping to submit 2 to 3 more by the end of the week. There's another deadline on Friday and it wouldn't take much work at all to just adapt my existing cover letters.

If I don't get one of these internships, that's fine too. I don't really need it. But it would be nice. Really nice... $15 an hour plus a great resume booster/research experience! We'll see. I know they're really competitive. I think I wrote two solid cover letters though.

I'm also focusing on summer research positions. I finished one application today! I just need to stick it in the mail tomorrow. There's one more position that has a Feb 1st deadline- I want to finish that one on Friday. Woo. Then if I apply for two more, I will feel really content with my efforts. There are a few more deadlines in March coming up, so I have a little break before they're due.

The hardest thing is getting letters of recommendation. What a pain.

Hopefully I'll land a great job for the summer and I won't have to worry about it later in the semester!!!

xoxo

Should be sleeping...

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raien — 2009-01-27T11:01:11-05:00

I've been vegan for 8 days.

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raien — 2009-01-29T02:01:20-05:00

omg i want these.

http://shop.bmezine.com/product/ebony-rings/

omg. want. them. so. bad.

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raien — 2009-01-30T01:01:38-05:00

Oh no. I'm sick. This sucks.

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raien — 2009-01-31T12:01:08-05:00

Ok, so I'm trying to switch out of my Climate Systems lab into the much easier Environmental Science II lab. Kind of a cop out, I guess, but I have a lot of work this semester, and both courses fill the same lab requirement for my minor.

I really don't want to make my life any harder than it has to be. A really good friend of mine, who lives in the haus with me, was taking Climate Systems and switched to Env Sci II. Of course, she's not a science person, but whatever.

I've been looking at this homework for climate and it's literally impossible.

So fuck that.

I already have one lab and a test to make up for Env Sci II, but that probably won't take as long as it would for me to do this one homework problem set for climate.

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raien — 2009-01-31T03:01:58-05:00

Ok, so I've been back in New York for 2 weeks--after being gone for 7 months--and I have yet to see any of my friends outside of my literary society.

I have quite a few friends in my literary society and many of them live in the haus with me, so there's not a lot of incentive for me to brave the cold, slushy New York streets (and spend money on food, coffee, movie tickets, whatever) when I can stay here and hang out for free and if I'm hungry, eat groceries.

I hope I'm not turning into a hermit. I'm BROKE. So this is fine, right? For me to be such a homebody? Whatever. It's cold and I'm poor.

Anyway, I'm about to get out of here and have coffee with a girl I've known since freshman year. She was my roommate's best friend and I like her a lot. She always has good gossip and she's really sweet.

Oi. I should be less stoned for this.

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raien — 2009-01-31T04:01:53-05:00

My friend has a migraine so we're going to do coffee on Monday instead.

So it looks like I won't be leaving the haus for a bit.

Geez I am so unproductive and I have at least 1500 pages of reading for the week.

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raien — 2009-02-03T12:02:32-05:00

I spilled tea all over my desk. Drat.

Now my papers are all crinkly and damp.

At least I saved my computer.

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raien — 2009-02-04T01:02:59-05:00

Today is horrible.

I couldn't get my homework to print.

There's something wrong with my Email. It's so fucked up and it makes me want to fucking cry.

I had a fucking panic attack in class.

fuck i hate my fucking life i am so fucking angry and frustrated.

i can handle being a ridiculous over achiever as long as nothing goes wrong but as soon as something gets fucked up everything falls apart.

Twenty-five things about me

raien — 2009-02-06T07:02:53-05:00

1. I love, love, love New York city, but I just can't handle the frigid winters. I think I'll settle in San Francisco eventually.

2. My favorite color is purple.

3. At some point, I want to learn how to play the piano.

4. I also want to improve my pottery making skills. Throwing clay on a wheel is incredibly cathartic; I'd like to do it more often.

5. I want to get my Masters degree at the University of Edinburgh (in Culture, Society, and Environment), then get my PhD at Oxford... on a Marshall Scholarship. Oh, a girl can dream.

6. I have really big feet and really long fingers.

7. I love to read, but I rarely get to read for pleasure during the school year.

8. I like to knit. I want to get better at it.

9. I have a serious case of wanderlust. I don't like to stay in one place for more than about four months. Traveling is one of the few things that makes me legitimately happy.

10. I have 6 tattoos and plans for many more.

11. I love going to the theatre.

12. I'm good at math, but sometimes I have a hard time getting into the math-mindset. I'm used to writing essays; problem sets take a whole other type of intelligence.

13. I've been single for a very long time. It's kind of become my default setting.

14. I hate children and don't plan on having any, ever.

15. I've been vegan for about 3 weeks now.

16. I write a lot of lists. To-do lists, mostly. It gives my life a sense of organization. And it's incredibly satisfying to check things off.

17. I really wish that I had appreciated sailing more when I was a kid.

18. For the first time in my life, I don't have an abundance of money. This will probably be a good experience. Maybe I'll learn not to be so wasteful.

19. I'm applying for a grant to do my thesis research abroad this summer.

20. I would like to lose 15 to 20 pounds. I've been trying to lose weight for 6 years. I'm the worst dieter ever. When I'm stressed, I binge. It sucks and contributes greatly to my unhappiness.

21. I think I'm really lonely deep down, but I keep myself busy enough so I rarely notice.

22. I love Indian food. Especially the Indian food I ate in India. SO good.

23. I have a very small family. One of my cousins just moved to New York. I haven't seen her since I was about ten and there's some weird beef between our parents. I have her phone number... I just have to find the balls to call her.

24. I'm really bad at making new friends. I get super shy and awkward around new people.

25. I like drugs and I'll try just about anything. And if I like it, I'll do it again.

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raien — 2009-02-08T11:02:50-05:00

Uh I made out with a really cute boy last night!

I was super wasted... but whatever.

He kept trying to have sex with me, and I kept saying no, we should go out to dinner or something first and (here's the clincher) "I'm worth waiting for."

Ahhhhh ha ha ha. I am so retarded.

Whatever. I am fucking worth waiting for. It's this new thing I'm trying out, called "self respect."

We'll see how this goes.

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raien — 2009-02-09T12:02:51-05:00

Awww man I think this dude has a girlfriend.

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raien — 2009-02-09T01:02:33-05:00

So, I was thinking about doing an alternative spring break trip to New Orleans with the Columbia Democrats. But I haven't really gotten much information about it and I don't know when the deadlines are.

So...

I think I want to go to Europe for a week. I found $400 round trip tickets to Barcelona. That's fucking awesome. I think I'd like to do two cities, maybe Barcelona and Lisbon. Or maybe Barcelona and Milan. Hmm.

I don't really have much money, but if I'm frugal for the next month and pick up an extra shift or two, I can save some.

All I want to do, ever, is travel. So why not? This will mean delaying my tattoo, though. I am dying to get more ink, but a trip to Spain would be INCREDIBLE.

I would love to find someone to go with me. If not, maybe I'll go by myself.

Maybe.

Sigh. I should be paying attention to my stat professor instead of researching my vacation.

Oh well.

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raien — 2009-02-10T12:02:20-05:00

SO I'm going to BARCELONA and BERLIN for spring break with two awesome girls from my literary society.

FUCK YES.

On a much shittier note, I seem to be getting sick again?! I just got better, now my throat is getting sore and my whole body ache. wtf.

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raien — 2009-02-10T07:02:55-05:00

oh my god im so sick...again. this is truly unfair. i really can't handle having extra makeup work. now im going to have two three-hour labs and a quiz to makeup.

i was up all night. i think i have a fever. i'm also pretty sure that if i tried to go to the drugstore, i wouldn't make it down the stairs of my house.

god. this is miserable.

...but... the boy from this weekend sent me a text and he wants to get coffee
maybe he doesn't have a gf?

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raien — 2009-02-16T01:02:45-05:00

Happy valentine's day- another one's gone.

I had sex with a boy, sent several extremely inappropriate text messages, and ate half a batch of weed brownies. It was a productive weekend.

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raien — 2009-02-16T01:02:22-05:00

So, this weekend was a little bit ridiculous. I was stonnnnned the whole time. Mission accomplish. One of my best friends from home was visiting, so we saw an Off-Broadway show (Naked Boys Singing), ate an aburd amount of food (spent too much $$$) and toured colleges. He wants to transfer to Baruch or NYU. We'll see!

Anyway, pre-weekend was ridiculous too. I met up with Tim, the hot guy I met last weekend, for drinks at a bar. He was super hot. And we had a really nice date. Thennnnn we had not great sex. So disappointing. Whatever. I was kind of a bitch and kicked him out, so that might be why he hasn't called me... whoops. Kind of a shame because we had a nice date, but it's not the end of the world. I would go out with him again (he was really hot and nice), but otherwise I will survive.

I have a 7 page paper due tomorrow and I have to work tonight. Ugggggggh.

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raien — 2009-02-17T01:02:30-05:00

Agggggh I can hear the girl next door having what is clearly very good sex with her very hot boyfriend... killin me!

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raien — 2009-02-17T03:02:36-05:00

I am sabotaging my life right now.

STUPID!

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raien — 2009-02-17T04:02:00-05:00

Still. Sabotaging.

Seriously?

Seriously.

Fuck.

It's never a good sign when...

raien — 2009-02-17T05:02:09-05:00

The last sentence of your first paragraph, penned at 5:30am for a paper due at noon, says in bolded, italicized font:

"THINK OF THESIS STATEMENT. THEN INSERT HERE. IDIOT."

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raien — 2009-02-17T08:02:38-05:00

I'm just about done, I guess.

I need to finish this off with an excellent conclusion.

I have about an hour...

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raien — 2009-02-17T06:02:27-05:00

WELL I am officially going to Barcelona and Berlin for spring break.

Terrific!

I'm also probably going to Stockholm. And possibly Prague. We will see.

But Barcelona and Berlin, yes, for sure, tickets have been purchased!

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raien — 2009-02-18T01:02:07-05:00

Well, today was pretty productive. I guess.

I made up a lab, so now I'm all caught up with my work for environmental science.

I finished my first paper for my junior colloquium. I don't think I did a great job, but oh well. What's done is done.

I sent an email asking for a letter of support for my thesis research this summer... hopefully this will be a very quick, affirmative answer. Haven't really considered the alternative.

Studied a little bit for my test tomorrow.

Booked my plane tickets for spring break (Barcelona and Berlin!!)

Actually, it looks pretty damn productive when I write it all out. Go me.

Now it's bed time. I'm exhausted/haven't slept in 2 days.

Bad news...

raien — 2009-02-18T04:02:28-05:00

The professor who I thought would write my letter of support says she can't do it because I didn't give her enough time. This is 100% my fault.

Fuck.

I may have seriously fucked myself and missed out on an incredible opportunity. It's not the end of the world, but it's still really stupid.

My only hope is to appeal to my junior colloquium professor tomorrow... I really hope she'll do it. She probably won't. Dammit.

Dammit dammit dammit.

On the positive side, I just bought a copy of Europe on a Shoestring. Yay! Goin to Europe... Exciting. Don't really have the billzz$$$ I need for this, but I'll find some monayyyy somewhere.

I need to do some serious. fucking. work.

All. the. damn. time.

UGH! I am oddly energetic.

ps. I was a bad vegan today and yesterday... oh no!

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raien — 2009-02-19T10:02:39-05:00

I went out and partied and did too many drugs last night.

I never change!

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raien — 2009-02-22T07:02:44-05:00

I had a decadent day with my best friend Nic. In fact, I've had an absurdly decadent weekend.

Went out to 1020 on Wednesday night... then partied back at ADP with Nic and others until 5am.

Thursday, had a $400 dinner at Le Pere Pinard on the Lower East Side with my fellow ADP Eboard members and a fabulous alum, Richard (he treated us). He picked us up in a chauffered Mercedes and took us downtown... Then, went to Nic's house and took three hits of ecstacy with 18 other people. And by Nic's house, I mean Nic's incredible mansion in Bronxville. Awesome sleepover. Incredible time. Lots of snuggling, dancing, and happy conversations.

Friday afternoon, had brunch at Candlelight. Pledge initiation that night. Stayed up until 6am. Lots of coke. Another sleepover... 6 people in Erik's bed. I made out with at least three gay boys. (Story of my life.)

Saturday... slept until 4pm, then chilled for a few hours. Had a big party at ADP... stayed up until 7am with Nic. Watched Intervention. Lots of coke. Lots of kolonopin.

Then woke up at 2:00 today. Nic and I went to Cafe Lalo for brunch. I had the most incredible meal: A salad with portobello mushrooms, roasted eggplant, sauteed cauliflower, bell peppers, and olives, with ciabatta bread on the side. Then espresso sorbet for dessert! I also had three cocktails and a delicious bloody mary. God I fucking love Cafe Lalo... We spent $120 on brunch. Oops.

Then we got a 6-pack of beer and smuggled it into the movie theatre to see Coraline in 3D. AMAZING. Fucking amazing. Best day ever.

I've had 5 valium today and maybe 12 drinks. Feeling pretty good.

I have been living like a rich kid. Looooove it. Can't really afford it, but I don't really care. That's why I'm going home next weekend so I can get some $$$ from mummy and daddy.

Also, I got the room I wanted to live in at ADP next year. It's one of the best rooms in the haus. Oh yes baby. I HAVE A FUCKING BALCONY.

Happy happy happy. Too happy to care about the fact that I didn't do any work at all this weekend, nor did I work on my grant proposal. I'm kind of fucked.

I'll deal with it later.

no subject

raien — 2009-02-23T04:02:47-05:00

Oh my god why why why am I just starting on this grant proposal now.

Why why why?

I want to get this grant SO badly and it will make a HUGE difference for my future (especially considering graduate school) so why am I fucking myself over???

If I don't get this grant... which I probably won't... I am going to be very disappointed :(

no subject

raien — 2009-02-23T08:02:56-05:00

Mmmmm I've written about 2.5 of my 5 page grant proposal.
And it's crap.

It can't be crap!
There's absolutely no point in submitting it if it's crap.
There are 8-10 grants and will probably be at least 20-30 applicants.

Why do I do this to myself?!

no subject

raien — 2009-02-23T10:02:41-05:00

Welllll.... I finished the draft. Like I said, it's pretty crappy.

Here's the best case scenario:

- Professor Rieder can write me a letter of support (and writes a good one).
- Prof. Minkoff and Dean Runsdorf can both offer me some feedback and won't just tell me it's crap.

And, I guess best best case scenario is that I'll actually get the grant.

That would seriously be ridiculously fabulously awesome.

no subject

raien — 2009-02-23T05:02:24-05:00

They're doing construction on the building where I work and apparently they painted today so the fumes are bad, hence shift is cancelllllled.

Yessssss. I really didn't want to go to work.

Then again, I do need the money hella bad. Oh well. That's why I'm going home this weekend.

no subject

raien — 2009-02-25T08:02:51-05:00

I just pulled another all nighter. Ridiculous!

Hey, I did prep for my env science test and finish my stat problem set, but still.

I went out for drinks with Nic to Casee Lula, a cheese and wine bar where a close friend of mine works. It was lovely and she hooked me up with a delicious vegan beet and hazelnut salad (not to mention a bottle of free champagne). Then we went to Suite and met up with Daryl, Tiara, Ryan, Prince, Kaitlyn, etc.

Prince is going to jail tomorrow for two years for possession... So he was a bit of a wreck.

I need to get my fucking life in order. I am recklessly spending all of my money (really, my parents' money) and I'm not getting my shit done.

FUCK.

no subject

raien — 2009-02-25T02:02:46-05:00

I had another absurdly ridiculous (and expensive!) night last night... I need to get my shit under control.

It's probably time to see my therapist again. It's been a while.

I really hate therapy.

no subject

raien — 2009-02-25T04:02:44-05:00

FUCK. I am in a really bad situation and a bunch of people are mad at me and it really fucking sucks.

I don't want to go back to the house because there are people there who are going to yell at me. But I'm so tired and I want to nap before work...

Dammit.

I want to crawl into a hole for the next few days until this blows over.

:( :( :(

no subject

raien — 2009-02-26T01:02:49-05:00

Oh I kind of have a crush on a boy.

And he's VEGAN o.o

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raien — 2009-02-26T01:02:46-05:00

Aggggg I'm sick again!?

What the hell?!

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raien — 2009-02-27T01:02:58-05:00

I'm at my parents' house for the weekend. I'm trying to take some time to unwind a bit.

I have a ton of work to do and I'm going to sit here, focus, and DO IT.

-Write 2-page research proposal for Work and Culture class

-Completely revamp Tow Fellowship grant proposal and resubmit to Prof. Minkoff and Dean Runsdorf

-Finish applications for at least two more summer internships

TODAY has to be a productive day. Or I'm fucked. I'm leaving for Europe in two weeks (!!!) and there's so much to do before then. I can't afford to procrastinate.

no subject

raien — 2009-02-27T04:02:43-05:00

Urrrrgh I need to be productive but I don't wanna!

no subject

raien — 2009-02-28T02:02:53-05:00

I am having some seriously unfortunate health problems.

I need to go see the doctor, the dentist, and my shrink. Badly.

Fuck my life right now.

Wheeeeew I'm on a roll right now.

raien — 2009-03-02T01:03:11-05:00

I have officially applied for 7 summer internships! Go me!

I think that's pretty damn good.

Hopefully I'll get one... fingers crossed. I'll be notified about most of them in mid-March. There's a couple that sound really cool. There's one at the Cary Institute in upstate New York that has a great project that fits my interests perfectly; it's about the social ecology of vacant lots in Baltimore. I'd get to be in upstate New York most of the time, but travel to Baltimore once or twice, so I could spend a little bit of time at home. On the downside, it's a 12-week position and I'm hoping for a 10-week position.

Of course, the reason I want a 10-week position is so I can do my senior thesis research for a month in Australia in addition to the internship. The grant proposal for the funding I'm applying for is due tomorrow. And my tomorrow, I mean today, March 2nd. Fuck! I am driving myself crazy with this. I don't even know if the professor who's writing my letter of support is going to come through. If I stay up all night and work on this proposal and he doesn't submit the letter, my application is invalid. But if I don't do it tonight, it might not get done and if he does actually write the letter... That would be horrible, especially since he's doing me a huge favor.

Whew. I am stressing myself out!

Other than not doing my grant proposal, I had a really nice weekend with my parents in Maryland. I saw a couple of good friends and chilled out for most of the time. And my mum took me shopping! Lots and lots of shopping! She bought me two pairs of skinny jeans, a lovely black taffeta dress, a scarf, a new pair of shoes (black and gold Adidas! so fierce!), makeup, and a pair of GORGEOUS turquoise Ray Bans. I feel so spoiled! Not to mention she took me to Trader Joe's and bought me at least two weeks worth of groceries. (All delicious and vegan!) And to CVS where she bought me just about every toiletry I'll need for the rest of the semester...

She also did all of my laundry and packed my suitcase for me. Not to mention she's redecorating my bedroom for me to my exact specifications.

This is crazy... My parents also paid me for my car that they sold. I bought the car for $2400 and only paid for half of it. They sold it for $2000 and gave me all of the money. Soooo, I made $800 off of the car I had for 4 years?? Awesome!!

When I was leaving the house today, my dad says, "Here's some cash. It's all I have on me right now." He gave me $60!

I'm feeling really rich. I mean, I'm not really rich personally (even though my parents are pretty wealthy) and my savings account was almost at zero before Friday, but to get a lot of money in a short period of time is nice :) I need to be very frugal in the next two weeks so I can spend it all in Europe though! I want to have a nice trip! It shouldn't be too hard since my mum bought me so many delicious groceries, but I need to not go out and eat expensive brunches or drink $70 bottles of wine!

And oh my god I'm having intense mood swings. I got so depressed after writing about my Tow Draft then elated about how nice my parents were to me this weekend.

I'm high as shit lolz.

I'm going to go organize some shit. I'm really good at organizing... And making lists... And procrastinating on grant proposals...

no subject

raien — 2009-03-03T03:03:57-05:00

Well, I turned in my grant proposal to do my senior thesis research abroad this summer!

It's a long shot... my application was far from perfect... but who knows.

At least I got it done.

I procrastinated too much. Way too fucking much.

The sad thing is that if I hadn't procrastinated, I know I could have done a better job.

Oh well...

no subject

raien — 2009-03-03T12:03:15-05:00

Today's agenda:

Lab from 1:10 to 4:00

Go into work and get some extra hours doing admin nonsense from 4:30ish to 6:00ish?

Family (vegan!) dinner at ADP with Richard et al. from 7:50 to 9:00

Then do lots of work. Lots and lots of work.

I need to get work done or I'll be screwed.

Aghhhh. It never ends.

no subject

raien — 2009-03-05T02:03:29-05:00

Shit. I did not get my work done tonight.

And I ate too much today... I have to wear my little black dress on Saturday and I think I've gained at least five pounds in the last 2 months. Dammit.

I hate being so stresssssssed.

no subject

raien — 2009-03-06T03:03:58-05:00

Ahhhhh I was up until 7am.

I am hungover and I did too many drugs last night.

Whatevsssss. I also think I spent a lot of money though, which is not good.

Oh well.

no subject

raien — 2009-03-08T03:03:03-05:00

Last night was my literary society's formal. It was a blast.

I brought this guy Joey, who was on my study abroad program.

He was great and all of my friends really liked him.

Aaaand I smoked opium, did blow, took bong rips, and drank too much. Crazy night.

He wanted to see how "out of control" my friends are. Ta da!

One bad thing... I seem to have lost my cell phone! I can't find it anywhere :( :( :(

no subject

raien — 2009-03-11T12:03:08-05:00

I have SO MUCH WORK.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

no subject

raien — 2009-03-11T08:03:10-05:00

I jumped out of bed at 9:30 this morning.

That NEVER happens.

Go me.

Now I have to go study for this midterm that I may or may not fail horribly in about 3 hours.

no subject

raien — 2009-03-12T04:03:05-05:00

I answered the first question for my take-home midterm... 6 pages.

Now I have to answer the second one.

I'm going to be doing this until 11am, when my first class starts.

I still need to do a little more work on the first question too. Agggggh. Shoot me.

Tomorrow (I guess tomorrow is actually today, since it's after 5am) I have to write a 15 page lab report.

This sucks. Sucks sucks sucks.

no subject

raien — 2009-03-12T09:03:04-05:00

Another midterm finished. Another sleepless night.

Now I just have to write a 15-page lab report before noon tomorrow. Crap.

And at some point I have to pack because I get on a plane for Europe tomorrow night! When on earth am I going to get ready?! I still need to buy rat food, clean my room, wash clothes, etc.

This sucks. I'm so tired.

no subject

raien — 2009-03-13T08:03:03-05:00

I have officially been awake for 48 hours.

I have officially finished all of my midterms.

I will officially be in Barcelona in 24 hours.

no subject

raien — 2009-03-19T07:03:20-05:00

Barcelona was amazing. Four days of amazing.

Yesterday we missed our flight from Barcelona to Berlin because we got on the wrong train.

That was incredibly stressfull. It ended up being a $300 mistake, which means my new tattoo has flown out the window.

But now we're in Berlin. So far, so good.

no subject

raien — 2009-03-26T01:03:12-05:00

It's f-r-r-r-r-eeeeezing in my room.

I'm going to be up all night writing this paper... Might as well make some tea.

no subject

raien — 2009-03-26T07:03:37-05:00

UGH another all-nighter. Fuck this shit.

I am failing majorly at life right now. EPIC FAIL.

I've heard back from 4 of the 7 internships I applied for... all four were polite "nos." I still haven't heard back from the one I really want, so I have my fingers crossed but I'm not holding my breath.

I have to lead a discussion during class today and I'm really not prepared... Fuuuuuck. I've been up all night working on my "memo" (really, a 12 page critical summary of the readings) and I just started the second article. AND I realized that I was supposed to post it online on Tuesday. Oh well. That didn't happen. Hopefully my professor will be lenient. And I guess I'll be getting my midterm from this class back today. I might have done well, or I might have sucked. Could go either way. It was really fucking hard.

I got a 90 on my stats midterm. That's annoying. I'm not trying to get any A-s this semester. Just As...

no subject

raien — 2009-03-28T07:03:14-05:00

Thizzin tonight.

Very excited.

SO MUCH WORK THOUGH.

I'm really stressed... I just need to chill and unwind tonight.

no subject

raien — 2009-04-01T12:04:39-05:00

Today was a terrible terrible day.

I emailed my therapist and told her I had to come in tomorrow, whether she had room in her schedule or not. I haven't been that desperate in a long time.

There's potentially going to be a lawsuit against my fraternity, of which I am an exec board member. (Hence, a lawsuit will be a major ordeal for me.)

I got another rejection letter. This one... for the internship that I really, really wanted. No one wants to hire me... I'm so desperate. WHAT ON EARTH am I going to do this summer???

I'm running for this election and it's actually really time consuming. Ahhhh. I have to work tomorrow, but I should be at an event... My boss is pressuring me to work more... I'm broke...

I have a test tomorrow. And a problem set due. Crap crap crap. I have been doing really, really well this semester, I CANNOT do what I ALWAYS do and fuck it all up in the last month. No no no no.

I think Matt just talked me away from a nervous breakdown. He suggested Ithaca as a possible location for the summer. He could get me a rented room for cheap... we could cook together... He is my greatest friend in the world.

I am an absolute basket case.

I am hangin on threads here.

Oh gosh.

no subject

raien — 2009-04-01T08:04:35-05:00

I have to give a speech tonight in front of approximately 1000 people.

I might poop in my pants.

no subject

raien — 2009-04-01T04:04:11-05:00

I have a poster.

I have fliers.

I have a speech.

Too bad I won't win...

The only position with three candidates running! Of course....

no subject

raien — 2009-04-03T10:04:21-05:00

I have an unreal amount of work to do this weekend.

Not to mention the amount of campaigning I need to do.
(Maybe I actually have a chance to win? That might be really cool...)

I had therapy at 9:00 this morning. I was 15 minutes late. It's raining.
I have therapy on Wednesday AND Thursday next week. FML.

BALLLLLLS.

no subject

raien — 2009-04-04T06:04:59-05:00

I shopped today.... A lot.

I bought an incredible pair of hot pink Reeboks.

A black silk dress from French Connection.

And a gold floral-y Nicole Miller dress (my prize item).

$$$$$$$$$

Whoops.

no subject

raien — 2009-04-07T12:04:20-05:00

Okay. I have to write a 10-page paper in 12 hours.

I've resigned myself to stay up all night.

But I don't have a topic yet. Hence, I haven't done any research.

I'm treading a fine line here.

Now, GO.

no subject

raien — 2009-04-07T01:04:56-05:00

I have made zero progress.

Don't even have a topic yet.

FUCK.

no subject

raien — 2009-04-07T05:04:20-05:00

I JUST started writing this paper. It took forever to find appropriate articles.

7 hours until it's due... FML.

no subject

raien — 2009-04-07T07:04:30-05:00

4.5 hours until it's due.

It's less than half done.

If I don't finish this shit on time I will cry.

no subject

raien — 2009-04-16T02:04:24-05:00

How did one drink become five drinks?

I have to read SO much and it's 2:15....

FML

no subject

raien — 2009-04-16T11:04:56-05:00

According to my therapist, I fall into the category of "crazy."

My psychiatrist (yes, I see two mental health doctors every week... absurd) wants to prescribe some medication... I'm not super into it. It's not a fun drug. If I'm going to get a prescription for something, it might as well be something I can abuse a little bit.

This must all be a joke.

I am not functioning very well at the moment.

I'm also still sick. Terrible, terrible allergies.
Scratchy cough, runny nose, bleary eyes, dizzy dizzy dizzy

At least the sun was shining all day long.

no subject

raien — 2009-04-21T12:04:44-05:00

Please stop raining!

no subject

raien — 2009-04-21T12:04:53-05:00

My plans are to live in Ithaca this summer.

But I still don't have a job...

I applied for one at a science museum... I really really really really hope I get it.

All this rejection BLOWS.

no subject

raien — 2009-04-22T12:04:41-05:00

I only have a week and a half of classes left.

HO M G.

SO much to do...

At least I think I'm going to do pretty well this semester, as long as I don't fuck it up now.

Still don't have a clue as to what I'm doing this summer...

Don't tase me bro!

raien — 2009-04-24T12:04:03-05:00

I just watched a really interesting video of a man being tasered at Coachella. (Definitely NSFW)

http://vimeo.com/4273363?pg=embed&sec=4273363

If I could be anywhere this weekend, I would be at Coachella. However, being the idea of being tasered isn't particularly appealing. This "naked wizard" (who may have the smallest penis I've ever seen) was just standing around, enjoying nudity and, I'm sure, a plethora of delightful drugs. The cops show up and attempt to convince him to put his clothes back on.

He resists and they eventually tase him. It's pretty intense. What really interests me are the reactions of the spectators. They boo at the cops; they tell them to fuck off and let this guy be. Someone yells something about the freedom of speech.

But no one does anything. So what does this say about authority? These citizens clearly disagree with the actions of the police, but they still respect their authority and stop short of taking action. Even if they don't respect the cops' authority, they're too afraid (too subdued?) to risk serious protest. Where are the checks and balances here? I just see some egotistical fat men in blue suits waving tasers and abusing unarmed nudists.

This is a fucking police state. Cops shouldn't be allowed to do whatever they want. They're in charge of maintaining public saftey, but this guy wasn't hurting anyone. These officers, in my opinion, exerted an unnecessary amount of force. This naked guy was resisting arrest, but he wasn't violent in any way. The cops taser him brutally and repetedly, without a modicum of respect for his wellbeing!

Cops are around to keep people safe. I hate it when they care only about control and power. This country was built on ideals of freedom... WWGWD? (What Would George Washington Do?)

A little bit of nudity at a rock concert never hurt anyone.

no subject

raien — 2009-04-30T12:04:47-05:00

I am such a fool.

FML.

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raien — 2009-05-04T04:05:12-05:00

desire
desire
desire

despair
despair
despair

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raien — 2009-05-06T04:05:11-05:00

Whhhhy do I do this to myselllllf. I have 12 hours to write a massive, very important paper that's already a day late. Oh dear. I need to go to the computer lab to print things... I have not been functioning all day.

HOW DID IT GET SO LATE?! Where did the time go? WHERE?

But, last night was glorious.

Disco ball, tulle, touch tunnel.
Drum circle, meditation, painting.
Ecstasy, hammock, smoke rings.

Delightful.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-06T03:05:22-05:00

fuck my life. i have a great title. and that's about it. dammmmmit. shit was due 22 hours ago! HO NO i need to write 12 pages in 2 hours... dun dun dun. not gonna happen. my brain has some holes in it i think. drugs... maybe too many on monday. nah. whatever.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-06T10:05:02-05:00

have I always been this inefficient?

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raien — 2009-05-07T06:05:51-05:00

This paper... has taken me.... days.

And I only have 6 pages! CRAP!

It was due... like two days ago.

If she marks it down two full letter grades I will DIE.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-08T02:05:44-05:00

I saw Jane Fonda on Broadway tonight.

Mazin.

I also STILL haven't turned in my paper... I am seriously going to ruin my life if I don't get my shit together! I have been so good this semester and if I fuck up my grades this week I'll be so mad at myself.

NOT TO MENTION that I haven't slept in.... 64.5 hours.

I hallucinated an apple pie in my lap and jelly fish in the sky earlier.

That was cool actually...

no subject

raien — 2009-05-10T08:05:27-05:00

I turned my thesis proposal in on Friday, three days late. It started out so well, but... I'm not sure how cohesive my research plan is. It might be too broad.

Oh well. It's completed and submitted. Hopefully my professor won't actually dock a letter grade per day late. If she does, I'm fucked.

I have a final tomorrow.

Then papers due on Wednesday and Thursday.

I. Need. To. Get. My. Shit. Together. Now.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-11T02:05:28-05:00

I really, really, really hope that I get the job I applied for in Ithaca.

I haven't been able to find any other positions that I'm interested in...

no subject

raien — 2009-05-12T01:05:06-05:00

15 pages due on Wednesday

20 pages due on Thursday

FML

no subject

raien — 2009-05-12T03:05:40-05:00

I accomplished nothing tonight.

I still have 35 pages to go.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

no subject

raien — 2009-05-12T09:05:01-05:00

This is so fucking pointless and stressful.

I hate college.

I am going to throw myself under a fucking bus.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-13T02:05:09-05:00

I am feeling slightly less miserable than I was earlier and I've made progress on my statistics paper. (How can I have a 15 page paper to write for stat class?! Unfair.)

I have a few more pages to go, then proofreading time.

Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight... I need more Adderall/Vyvanse/Red Bull. I'd rather not rely on blow...

20 more pages to write tomorrow. VOMIT.

Keep on keepin' on

raien — 2009-05-13T05:05:35-05:00

Ok, my statistics paper is finished and submitted. 6 hours before it's due! And I actually think it turned out really well. I had a rough low point yesterday, but now that I have only one paper left between me and summer my life seems a bit more manageable.

However, it's definitely not over yet. I still have a 20-page paper to write for my Work and Culture seminar that's due 4pm Thursday... and it's 60% of my grade. That's a big chunk... Jeez. I have a topic, but I haven't done any research or formulated a thesis.

Just two more days, though. Then I'm DONE. And I'll be a college senior... Woah. I'm not really ready to think about that yet. Not just yet.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-13T04:05:14-05:00

I find out tomorrow whether I got the position at the Sciencenter in Ithaca. Please please please please...

I got a 97 on my Environmental Science final. Tight. That should be 4.5 credits of A!

Still have to write this 20-pager due tomorrow. UGH.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-13T05:05:47-05:00

Woah, I just experienced a very sharp, unexpected pang of jealousy.
That was unpleasant.

I need to get back in the game.
My life is going to change drastically in about 36 hours.
Eager anticipation.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-13T11:05:47-05:00

I need to write 20 pages NOW.

Then I'll be freeeeeee.....

no subject

raien — 2009-05-14T02:05:25-05:00

My brain does not function in a linear direction.

Hence, my papers often take the shape of parabolas.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-14T04:05:41-05:00

11 hours and counting.

I am so ready to be DONE.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-14T07:05:55-05:00

I just wrote three pages in an hour... If only I could be consistent.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-14T02:05:51-05:00

12 pages written, 8 more to go

My goal is to finish by... 10pm

no subject

raien — 2009-05-14T10:05:37-05:00

finished
finished
finished
FINISHED!!

I'm officially a senior in college...

WOAH.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-15T03:05:23-05:00

Oh dear I didn't get that job in Ithaca. I'm a little nervous...

no subject

raien — 2009-05-16T06:05:57-05:00

I got an A in my stat class! Woo!

Now I'm just waiting to hear about my three other classes. I definitely should have gotten an A in my Environmental Science lab and hopefully an A/A- in my Work and Culture seminar. Not sure about my Junior Colloquium... Hopefully a B+.

I need to start packing...

no subject

raien — 2009-05-23T04:05:04-05:00

I am going to ask my mother for a very large favor tomorrow.

A very large, very expensive favor.

Unrelated, I want to get inked ASAP.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-27T01:05:27-05:00

I earned a higher GPA this semester than I ever have at college.

Two A's, one A-, and one B+.

Tight.

no subject

raien — 2009-05-30T03:05:49-05:00

My summer plans are such a mess.

AHHHHG. Things are just not working out.

I'm a mess too.

I wish I didn't have to think about $$$$$$.

Newest tattoo!

raien — 2009-06-03T01:06:07-05:00

By Jimmy
One Shot Studio
Edgewater, MD

no subject

raien — 2009-06-06T01:06:44-05:00

Today I double the dosage of my crazy pills. Doctor's orders.

Yee gads. Not thrilled about this.

no subject

raien — 2009-06-08T10:06:32-05:00

I didn't get the job I applied for at the Center for Talented Youth.

FUCK

Now I'm in Ithaca, with no job.

FUCK

no subject

raien — 2009-06-12T04:06:14-05:00

Well, my parents gave me what I asked for. We'll see how it goes. It's costing $6000, so it had better be worth it. I'm going to need to work my ass off... Literally.

I need some companionship in my life. I love Matthew dearly, but I need to feel that closeness with someone other than him. I need to feel like I'm not alone.

By the end of July, I'm going to be a new me, that's for sure. Hopefully a better me...

no subject

raien — 2009-06-16T12:06:44-05:00

I'm driving from Ithaca to MD today. Six hours. Blah!

Then moving about for a while...

Then settling down for a while? Maybe.

no subject

raien — 2009-06-18T02:06:59-05:00

If I'm going to be subjected to heavy rain storms and swarms of mosquitoes, I should at least be in the goddamn jungle somewhere. Screw you, Maryland.

This time last year, I was in Brazil.

Cursed. I'm so over my current location. Just two more days! Then I won't have Internet for a month...

Also, it looks like I'll be spending two weeks in Mexico at the end of the summer. Plus two days in Vegas for my friend's 21st birthday party. That will be TIGHT.

Until then... It's tight to work my ass off. Majorly.

no subject

raien — 2009-06-18T11:06:26-05:00

Ccccccchhhhangesssss

And Matt is coming with me to Mexico for vacation! Tight.

no subject

raien — 2009-08-01T09:08:10-05:00

Back in Maryland for a couple of days, then heading to Mexico next week.

Oh, what a summer it has been...

Crazy.

no subject

raien — 2009-08-03T12:08:15-05:00

I have to start thinking about taking the GREs. Eek!

I guess I'll take the exam in late January or early February, after I get back from winter break. I should probably buy a test prep book or something. Grad schools are more competitive than ever... (Of course, if my dream comes true and I end up at the University of Edinburgh, I won't need GRE scores, but it's probably better to have them anyway.)

I can't believe I'm a senior in college... this is a little ridiculous.

I have a life plan though... An "ideal" plan.

Graduate from college next May, with some sort of (hopefully awesome) spring internship that becomes a job in NYC working for an environmental nonprofit, NGO, or some conservation-focused company.

Stay in NYC at least until the end of next summer, or maybe for a full year.

Then spend a year teaching English in Asia-- hopefully with a Fulbright Fellowship.

Followed by a year at the University of Edinburgh, earning my Masters in Environment, Culture, and Society. (This program is absolutely perfect for my academic interests and career goals.)

Then more traveling, thinking about spending two years in the Peace Corps, somewhere in Africa.

Annnnnd then it will be time to get my PhD at Oxford, obviously. I should be finished with this by the time I'm about 29 or 30. It'll be time to get married, get a dog, and teach university somewhere.

Not that I plan on settling-- lots more traveling and environmental work/research around the world should ensue.

There's my plan. It's a great plan, in theory. A few problems though... I need to make a ton of money, get perfect grades, and find someone who would actually want to marry me. Hmmm.

We'll see.

Shower time, then heading to the mall to spend money that I don't have. I should kick the shopping habit... but I don't wannnna.

no subject

raien — 2009-08-19T04:08:09-05:00

I had a wonderful time in Mexico with my family. Great SCUBA diving and my tan is excellent.

Joey's 21st birthday extravaganza in Vegas was one of the most fun weekends of my life. I got to catch up with lots of my study abroad friends and had sex with a cute guy from Canada who I met playing blackjack (in a conference room at The Mirage at 7am... classy).

Now I've been in LA for 2 days. Did some great shopping and spent a lot of time with Joey's family. They're all great. Today I'm going to the Getty and Griffith Park with my friend Hannah, who graduated from Columbia this spring and just moved to LA.

Tomorrow I fly to San Francisco! I'm staying with Zoe for 2 nights and then with Lill. I can't wait to see Lill. I hope she's healthy and happy. We always have a blast. She's amazing.

Then back to MD for a couple of days and then to NYC. Classes don't start until September 8th so I have a little while to collect myself and get prepared for the semester. I really need to do well... Really well. If I want to apply for a Marshall (which I do), I need to raise my GPA by 0.11 in the next two semesters. Eeeeesh. That would be fantastic...

There's a quick update on my life. Done and done.

no subject

raien — 2009-08-30T11:08:03-05:00

I seem to love sabotaging myself. I have been working my fucking ass off for three months and now I'm RUINING IT. I may have already ruined everything.

I'm the fucking worst.

FUCK FUCK FUCK

no subject

raien — 2009-09-05T09:09:36-05:00

I don't know if I've ever felt so unstable, so fucking fucked up.

I hate this and it's hurting me and I can't stop.

And I can't tell anyone.

no subject

raien — 2009-09-09T01:09:14-05:00

Classes started yesterday. My schedule seems pretty solid.

Now I just need to find an internship. If only someone would pay me...

no subject

raien — 2009-09-10T01:09:56-05:00

I'm going to smoke less weed.
My brain works much more slowly than it used to... I'm not okay with that.

no subject

raien — 2009-09-13T01:09:16-05:00

The poem tattooed on Megan Fox's ribs, which she says she wrote herself:

"There once was a little girl who never knew love until a little boy broke her heart"

HA

no subject

raien — 2009-09-14T06:09:11-05:00

I can't figure myself out, how on earth could I expect anyone else to?

no subject

raien — 2009-09-28T11:09:36-05:00

I got two baby rats today :)

One is black with a white belly

And one is HAIRLESS

They're both SO cute

Now I have three lovely rats and Clover isn't lonely anymore

Time to come up with some names...

no subject

raien — 2009-09-29T01:09:18-05:00

All three rats are cuddling on a tidy wooden ledge in their rat palace. Cuteness overload.

Ratties!

raien — 2009-09-29T02:09:05-05:00

Clover (white with grey hood) and the two as-of-yet unnamed babies
So happy!!!

no subject

raien — 2009-09-30T02:09:22-05:00

I just wasted 2 hours of my life putzing around online... when I should have been reading... dammit. I'm such a ruiner!

no subject

raien — 2009-10-01T04:10:56-05:00

1. My best quote of the night: "I don't have a drug problem. I have a drug solution."
2. Tonight I got a message on an online dating site from a guy who I met on a different online dating site like 2 years ago. I'm still single and dabbling in Internet hookups? A new level of pathetic...ha.
I laugh.

no subject

raien — 2009-10-03T09:10:04-05:00

I should really be working on my thesis...
Instead, I'm dreaming of my next tattoo.

no subject

raien — 2009-10-06T02:10:47-05:00

I have to turn in 15-pages tomorrow and I haven't even started!
Should I just go to bed now?
I am the worst procrastinator ever.

Here's a secret.
I'm miserable.
I don't know how to fix my life.

no subject

raien — 2009-10-07T01:10:19-05:00

Just finished 15-pages of my thesis. Of course it was due at 4pm, but better late than never I suppose. Except for the fact that I spent so much more time worrying about it than it actually took to write it...
I also got a grant for my internship! So I'll find out on Friday how much $$ they're sending my way...
I have a quiz at 2pm tomorrow... need to read 400 pages before then HA... so tired.

no subject

raien — 2009-10-09T05:10:31-05:00

What is wrong with my brand new $2000 MacBook... why is this happening... I have to call Applecare... WHY... ugh.

no subject

raien — 2009-10-12T09:10:06-05:00

I'm skipping my internship today... I feel a little guilty. Whatever, Matt is here and we want to do shit! He was here all weekend but he had to finish a paper, so now it's time to play!

no subject

raien — 2009-10-20T02:10:43-05:00

I just had one of the worst nights of my life...

Ruby attacked Clover. Brutally. She's chewed to pieces... Huge gash on her side.

I took her to the emergency vet. They gave me a $1600 estimate.

I spent $300 for the "bare minimum" care and I have to go to the regular vet tomorrow.

I just hope she makes it. She's the sweetest little girl...

I had the choice of putting her to sleep and I just couldn't do it. I hope I made the right choice. I hope it wasn't selfish. She's the best little girl and she doesn't deserve this.

My heart is broken.

no subject

raien — 2009-10-20T08:10:09-05:00

She doesn't look good... I really don't know if I made the right choice. She ate some food and drank some water, but she's breathing very heavily and not lifting her head.
I wish I knew what to do.

no subject

raien — 2009-10-20T10:10:52-05:00

Clover is doing a little better... $500 later. FUCK vets. Seriously. They wanted $1600 to stitch her up.
I have to give her meds 3x per day. I can't let her down. I just want her to get better...

no subject

raien — 2009-10-27T09:10:34-05:00

clover died :(

no subject

raien — 2009-10-31T02:10:37-05:00

God I SUCK.
I've been procrastinating this paper for a week... it was due last Sunday.
I've been making my life absolutely miserable.
I need to write this NOW but I have no idea what to write about.
I am the WORST.

no subject

raien — 2009-10-31T03:10:28-05:00

I have written one page and its bad and I hate it but at least I started and now I just need to write 6 more pages fuck this it's halloween and all I want to do is party and hang out and enjoy fall break instead of worrying about this shit ugh I should get back to this lame paper now

no subject

raien — 2009-10-31T06:10:04-05:00

about halfway done fuck ME this is awful...

no subject

raien — 2009-10-31T09:10:07-05:00

finished. its crap but its finished.
and great, my throat is hurting and my head is aching, so now it feels like I'm getting sick.
Awessssome.

no subject

raien — 2009-11-03T02:11:21-05:00

I kinda feel like I'm goin crazy.

no subject

raien — 2009-11-11T04:11:41-05:00

Of course I didn't start the first 20-page chapter of my thesis until 4 hours ago. Of course it was due yesterday. Of course I just did 4 hours of research and haven't even started writing...

no subject

raien — 2009-11-11T06:11:56-05:00

oh hey news flash
I fucked up

no subject

raien — 2009-11-11T11:11:06-05:00

ahhhhh I just want to scream
rubbish rubbish rubbish garbage

no subject

raien — 2009-11-16T03:11:07-05:00

Why can't I go to bed at a reasonable time?
Ever?

no subject

raien — 2009-11-18T05:11:25-05:00

If I manage to turn in the JET application by next Tuesday it will be a god damn miracle. Always scramblin...

no subject

raien — 2009-11-23T01:11:18-05:00

I just never get enough sleep.

no subject

raien — 2009-11-24T06:11:14-05:00

three hours to finish this paper... then lab, then class, then work... then acid

no sleep no sleep no sleep.... zzzzzzzz

no subject

raien — 2009-11-24T07:11:50-05:00

ughhh almost done. shocker- i think i'm going to turn something in on time.

no subject

raien — 2009-11-25T02:11:41-05:00

tried dmt last night. blew my mind.

no subject

raien — 2009-11-30T01:11:51-05:00

I really don't remember when things became so complicated! I have all of these feelings, yet no idea how to express them. I'm not used to being so... emotionally congested. My ability to navigate social situations has declined drastically. I always feel lost and awkward. And lonely. Things have gotten worse, but for the most part, I manage to block out what I'm unable to understand.

This is part of the Problem.

I just wish I could say the things I want to say. There are a lot of incredible people in my life, but I feel as if a wall separates me from each of them. I never feel close to people. There's always some barrier that keeps me on the outside. I don't think it used to be like this, even though I've always been... a little bit eccentric--not a loner--but perhaps a bit withdrawn and cautious.

Last night I had sex with a guy I think I might be in love with. I think I might have been in love with him for years. He hasn't made any contact with me all day. I'm anxious and nervous. I think I might have given away too much of my self last night, revealed too many intimate details (through my body at least, if not through my words). Today I feel uncomfortable, as if everyone can see right through me.

This isn't about a boy, though. I wish it was that simple.

no subject

raien — 2009-11-30T01:11:58-05:00

what if pink candles had pink flames
and wax could be molded into body parts,
prosthetics for the incomplete:

my eyes are made of melted nylon
and pieces of burnt paper
hands are carved from dvds
that exploded in the microwave

the glasses sitting on the bridge
of my chipped ceramic nose
are from piano keys, steeped in motor oil

what would the world
see in me now,
that I am false?

no subject

raien — 2009-11-30T09:11:08-05:00

I know I say it too often,
and I may seem childish,
impish,
immature,
lazy,

but,

I wish I could be
ten again

Sure I love booze
and drugs
and sex
and all the "grown-up"
things that I can do now because I have no supervision

but when I was ten
I still believed in fairies

no subject

raien — 2009-12-01T01:12:17-05:00

I need to spend more time romping in words
romp romp romp

no subject

raien — 2009-12-01T05:12:39-05:00

this is a disaster.

no subject

raien — 2009-12-07T03:12:54-05:00

Sometimes it's agonizing to live in a house with 10 wonderful, attractive gay men. They are all incredible, but all off limits.

And with so many gays around... there aren't many straight guys willing to brave ADP. And I rarely leave so... less sex for me.

Oh well. At least being a fruit fly is very satisfying, for the mean time.

Can animals help us reduce climate change?

raien — 2009-12-08T01:12:49-05:00

Humans won't be the only ones affected if anthropogenic climate change continues at current rates. Although human industries like agriculture and transportation are largely responsible for increased greenhouse gas emissions, all species on earth will be subjected to the effects of global warming. We must consider the loss of biodiversity that will occur as a result of sea level rise, intensified droughts, and new weather patterns. We stand to lose keystone species like African elephants and sensitive indicator species like sea turtles. We also stand to lose the important ecosystem services that these species provide.

Although there once were millions of elephants roaming the African continent, the total population is now estimated at 470,000 to 690,000. Elephants have been targeted for decades by poachers, because of their valuable ivory tusks. Between 2007 and 2008, the number of elephants poached in Kenya alone jumped from 47 to 98. Their reduced numbers make them more susceptible to threats, such as further poaching and climate change. As a keystone species, elephants have major impacts on their environments. They make clearings by uprooting trees and shrubs; without these massive herbivores, the savanna would be forested. They also disperse more seeds than any other species in Africa. With this in mind, elephants may have the ability to actually mitigate climate change, by ensuring the growth of new trees and carbon sequestration. Rhinos and gorillas are also keystone species in Africa, and both are subject to the effects of global warming. Protecting these species also protects habitats; without them, fewer seeds would be spread and there would be much less plant life. Elephants are especially valuable for habitat maintenance, as they both sow seeds and uproot excessive vegetation.

Sea turtles are indicator species because their presence means that an ecosystem is relatively healthy; these species are especially sensitive to environmental degradation, habitat destruction, and pollution. They are important indicators of environmental quality and allow humans to monitor changes in biodiversity and habitat. Sea turtles—which are already threatened by fishing nets, beachfront development, and poaching—are highly susceptible to global warming. The reefs they feed on are dying because of increased ocean temperatures and the beaches where they lay their eggs are being washed away as sea levels rise. These 150 million year old creatures are also faced with another climate related obstacle: A slight increase in temperature can lead to all-female turtle broods! If the sand around a turtle nest reaches 86 degrees F, there will be more female turtles than males. At 89.6 degrees, all of the eggs will hatch female young. If global warming isn't reduced, these ancient aquatic reptiles may face extinction.

While sea turtles are helpful indicators of environmental quality, a more unexpected, less vulnerable species may be able to provide unique insight into climate change. Although the melting icebergs of Antarctica are at the center of global warming, only 1% of this frozen continent is routinely monitored. Elephant seals are one of the few species that thrives in this inhospitable climate and humans have found a way to use these mammals in field research. The Norwegian Polar Institute captured twenty bull seals and affixed small instruments to their backs, which use GPS to track water temperature, salinity, and depth. Since these seals swim to depths of 1000 feet in search of squid, they explore underwater Arctic terrain that is far from human reach. Researchers hope that tracking elephant seals will allow them to measure the rate and distribution of ice melting and ocean warming.

no subject

raien — 2009-12-08T06:12:26-05:00

I need to get my shit together STAT

no subject

raien — 2009-12-09T03:12:40-05:00

Here's what's standing between me and the end of the semester:
-One more quiz in Major Texts of India (Wed.)
-Final in Environmental Sociology (Thurs.)
-5-6pg paper for Major Texts (Sun.)
-Interview schedule and list of interviewees for thesis (Mon.)

That's... basically nothing. I just found out today that the second chapter of my thesis won't be due until after winter break, which is 25 fewer pages to write.

All goes well and I'll be done in 6 days!

no subject

raien — 2009-12-09T04:12:25-05:00

Oh blah. The only things that have entered my body in the last two days are weed, speed, and cigs.

My heart is pounding. UGH I am so cracked out.

BUT

I was hella productive... so that's good. Whatever just 1.1 semesters lefttttt

I'm trying to cut back on the carbon. It goes straight to my hips.

raien — 2009-12-10T12:12:35-05:00

The nutrition information now posted on menus all over New York has been powerful enough to scare me away from several guilty pleasures, including Starbucks and Chipotle. Even without meat, cheese, or sour cream, a burrito from this chain packs up to 870 calories. No thanks, I’ll have a salad instead. In Sweden, a fast-food burger chain called “Max Burger” is trying to reproduce this effect by publishing the carbon footprints of its food offerings. Although the restaurant, which serves mostly meat-based items, isn’t going vegetarian, they have filled their menu with “less meat” options, such as a half-soy/half-beef burger. According to the Institute for Environmental Assessment, the production of 1 kilogram of beef emits the equivalent of 8.9 kg of CO2 into the atmosphere, while 1 kg of fruits or vegetables emits only 2.5 kg. Considering these numbers—and the growing concern over global climate change—the question is whether carbon labeling can be effective, and if less meat will still be too much.

Although Max Burger claims to be “the first restaurant chain in the world to publish CO2 emissions on its menu,” they aren’t the first ones to market low-carbon products to consumers. In 2007, the UK’s Carbon Trust established the Carbon Label Company, now the Carbon Trust Footprinting Company. This company aims to help businesses label products and reduce their carbon footprints, and guide consumers towards climate-friendly purchases. In November, South Korea announced its collaboration with the Climate Trust and became the most recent nation “to adopt an international standard on carbon labeling." The most contentious aspect of carbon footprinting is establishing a consistent, accurate measurement that can trace the complex route of a product from production, manufacturing, and consumption. There are plenty of sources online that provide calculators to determine an individual’s (or family’s) footprint—and each one of them is different. (Here are two, from the Nature Conservancy and the EPA.) It’s going to be very challenging to convince people to make personal food choices based on their intangible climate footprint, especially when many of the foods people love most—like meat—have the highest carbon emissions. It’s even harder without a universal method or tool that can consistently measure the footprint of specific food products.

no subject

raien — 2009-12-10T07:12:31-05:00

Another all-nighter? Yay.
I better get an A on this final.

no subject

raien — 2009-12-14T04:12:39-05:00

As usual

I have 4 hours to write a 6-page paper.

no subject

raien — 2009-12-14T09:12:18-05:00

Here's what's standing between me and the end of the semester:
~~-One more quiz in Major Texts of India (Wed.)~~
~~-Final in Environmental Sociology (Thurs.)~~
~~-5-6pg paper for Major Texts (Sun.)~~
-Interview schedule and list of interviewees for thesis (Mon.)

All of my wisdom has been removed

raien — 2009-12-19T08:12:23-05:00

Four wisdom teeth removed yesterday. Owwwww.

Please see these photos of #1 Sex face Whitney and #2 Fat face Whitney for comparison.

I need some more oxycodone.

Vegetarianism

raien — 2009-12-26T07:12:36-05:00

As always, I skipped the turkey and gravy this Christmas. However I was able to partake in every other part of the meal—the roast potatoes, the stuffing, the brussel sprouts, the homemade oat bread. Because I won’t eat meat, my family avoids products such as chicken stock, opting for vegetable broth instead. Every other guest who consumed our holiday feast is an unabashed omnivore, but no one seems to mind making a few allowances for me, the lone vegetarian at the table. The rest of the year, when I’m home from college, family meals are often meat-free. We eat grilled vegetables with rice or vegetarian chili or spaghetti sans meatballs. It’s easier to prepare one meal than two, so herbivore-friendly entrées make sense.

I’ve been a vegetarian since I was ten. Before I revamped my dietary practices, my family ate meat with dinner every night. We also prepared my grandmother’s famous cornbread stuffing using chicken stock and cooked it inside the turkey. Thankfully, my family has always been supportive of me and is willing to make adjustments so I won’t be left out (or left hungry). These are small changes, but they are meaningful. After declaring myself a strict vegetarian, more than once I’ve been met with, “Why bother? You’re only one person. How much difference will it make if you don’t eat meat?” It’s true that I am only one person, but I certainly know a lot of other people. Like any other member of society, my actions impact those around me. We are all individual social actors involved in series of events and interactions that shape human behavior. I doubt I’ve single-handedly converted anyone from meat eater to abstainer, but I’m certain that I’ve made others more conscious of their meat consumption. My friends may find my assertions and quips a little annoying, especially when I gently inform them that 10 billion animals are slaughtered annually in the US, just as they reach for another chicken wing, but my only intention is to help them become more informed citizens and consumers.

I believe that as the correlation between meat production and climate change becomes more prevalent in the media, vegetarianism will gain a stronghold in the public discourse. Human beings, especially Americans, are very attached to their T-bone steaks and quarter-pound burgers; the average American consumes 200 pounds of meat, fish, and poultry per year. However, human beings are also attached to breathable air, relatively stable climates, and current sea levels. If we want to keep these things, we’re going to have to change many of our behaviors, from driving gas-guzzling SUVs to eating large, frequent portions of animal products. Our own consumption habits are certainly personal choices, but they have wide-reaching consequences for global societies.

This is why I’m a vegetarian. I don’t think my eating habits will change the world, but I know that they will have an impact on it, however minute. My goal is to make this impact greater, by being an activist at all times, whether I’m working at a nonprofit or sharing a meal with family and friends. And even if my reach as “only one person” is limited, I know I’ll be conserving at least 200 pounds of meat and a few cans of chicken broth this year.

no subject

raien — 2009-12-29T05:12:19-05:00

I love my gays.

But I really miss straight boys.

I've forgotten what it's like to be in love.

no subject

raien — 2010-01-03T08:01:35-05:00

I may have met a nice boy.

Too bad I'm not a nice girl...

Whoops.

Tattoo #7

raien — 2010-01-14T04:01:46-05:00

My newest tattoo, after the first sitting. About 2-3 more hours needed. Next appointment is the 25th. Can't waittttt.

My mum is going to kill me.
And I don't care :)

no subject

raien — 2010-01-20T12:01:38-05:00

Hhhhho mah gawd I went on a date with a verrrry cute boy last night and it was mayyyybe the best first date everrrrr.

Ecstatic.

no subject

raien — 2010-01-21T10:01:54-05:00

I was so happy this morning. Couldn't stop smiling.

Now I'm
crashing
crashing crashing
lowww.

For no apparent reason. Fuck me and my problems. FUCK.

no subject

raien — 2010-01-22T01:01:46-05:00

What am I supposed to do? Pretend it doesn't bother me? Pretend I'm not hurt? I'm so fucking sick of it. I honestly thought this time would be different. I mean, come on, I'm a good person, right? Don't I deserve a little bit of contentment, don't I deserve to not spend every night alone? I guess it was all a ruse. It's just these nice things men do and say so they can sleep with you. And then, they're done. That's it. Mission accomplished. Tap that, then peace out. Other people don't seem to have this problem quite so consistently though... So what the hell is wrong with me. We fucked 6 times last night. You don't fuck six times if it's not really good. God dammit.

no subject

raien — 2010-01-22T01:01:15-05:00

I need to chill the fuck out.

no subject

raien — 2010-01-25T12:01:00-05:00

This guy I'm seeing, we've been on 3 dates and had a lot of sex. But...I think he's too functional. First, I really don't want him to see how dysfunctional I am. Second, I like him a lot, but right now...I feel anxious and needy. He is only one of many reasons why I'm such a mess right now, but he is a contributing factor. I guess I am a little needy. Gross. I need to get my shit together- I am falling apart.

And my back really, really hurts. It's been hurting all day. It goes away then comes back, from the center of my back radiating outwards. I've never really had pain like this. I took two vicodin three hours ago and I felt better for a little while, but now it's back and it's kind of shooting.

Unfortunate.
I need to get some shit DONE then get to bed. Internship tomorrow. I spent 4 days and 3 nights in Brooklyn last week. Far away from here.

Peace
Whitney

no subject

raien — 2010-01-25T06:01:07-05:00

I have 2 hours to write an essay for a paid fellowship at the Guggenheim this summer. Goddd I'm suchhhh a fuckkk upppp.

GO.

Second session

raien — 2010-01-25T11:01:29-05:00

Had the second session on my turtle today :) Added black shading, yellow, and white. (It only looks reddish because it's hella fresh.) Two weeks from now we'll finish it with blues and greeeens ahhhh

By Simone at Rising Dragon on 14th Street, Manhattan

no subject

raien — 2010-01-30T06:01:26-05:00

It's 6:30am. How did that happen?

no subject

raien — 2010-02-02T09:02:40-05:00

I cleaned my room last night FINALLY.

But now my eyes are hella irritated and I'm really congested... fuck dust.

no subject

raien — 2010-02-03T03:02:40-05:00

So. I might be scrapping my thesis. And starting over. And writing the entire thing in 8 weeks.

KILL. ME.

no subject

raien — 2010-02-04T11:02:31-05:00

I am a fiend.
I am a machine.
I am a monster, sometimes.

no subject

raien — 2010-02-06T03:02:33-05:00

I'm having so many weird emotions lately. I'm not into it.

Today, I wish I was still little enough to curl up on my dad's lap.

I was never an especially cuddly child. I'm not especially cuddly now.

I guess this is just a strange time in my life. Or maybe life is just strange?

The third stage is finished! The turtle is complete, available in technicolor!

raien — 2010-02-08T11:02:13-05:00

So so so so happy with it.

no subject

raien — 2010-02-15T09:02:46-05:00

Just got back from Mardi Gras.

It was amazing. SO amazing.

I have hella beads.

no subject

raien — 2010-02-18T05:02:57-05:00

I just broke my bong :( :( :( SO SAD

no subject

raien — 2010-03-02T07:03:35-05:00

It's 7am and I've written 9 pages. I need to submit 25 pages at 4:40...

no subject

raien — 2010-03-21T10:03:47-05:00

There are things you can't even tell your shrink.

And that's how I know I have a problem.

no subject

raien — 2010-03-22T12:03:44-05:00

I feel bleak,

too much Six Feet Under,

perhaps,

or just life.

no subject

raien — 2010-03-22T05:03:48-05:00

I have 25 pages of my thesis written.

Note: This is Take 2 of the thesis. I started over about a month ago (Idiot)

I need to submit 40 pages on Tuesday

15 more to go

Then I have two weeks to write 30 more pages! Yay!

BUT

I will be finished with my thesis on April 20th

Then I have a presentation on April 27th

AND THEN

I will be a graduate of Columbia University.

This sounds oddly optimistic for 7am.

no subject

raien — 2010-03-27T11:03:57-05:00

Coming home was a mistake.

This isn't my home.

no subject

raien — 2010-04-01T07:04:10-05:00

I have 17 days to finish my thesis...

And then I'm going to BOLIVIA!!!

no subject

raien — 2010-04-04T12:04:37-05:00

I'm anxiously awaiting to hear back from the JET Program... April 10th, I think. I really, really hope I get in!!

I'm also waiting to hear from World Teach. I did my interview two weeks ago, but I still haven't been emailed about the status of my app! And the online status checker says my interview hasn't been received.

Uh oh. If I don't get considered for the position because my interviewer was lazy or forgot about my interview... I'll be so mad!

Still haven't been contacted by CEI yet-- the deadline was April 17th. Hopefully I'll hear back soon and get to interview...

Wish I knew where I was going to end up...

EEK!

Thesis time.

My brain is so disorganized right now...

no subject

raien — 2010-04-06T05:04:04-05:00

Thesis again...

How is it 6am already?!

no subject

raien — 2010-04-08T07:04:16-05:00

Rejected from the JET Program.

Not going to Japan next year.

Why is NOTHING I do good enough.

Crushed and defeated.

no subject

raien — 2010-04-13T03:04:02-05:00

I have 5 days to finish my thesis.

Then off to Bolivia.

Then... Uhh. Then I don't know.

no subject

raien — 2010-04-20T08:04:52-05:00

I'm in Bolivia!
Yay!
...So why am I so sad?
Dammit. I just cannot articulate.
I need to get my shit together.
But
I think anyone else would think I had my shit together
everyone
except
me

Bienvenido to Cochabamba!

raien — 2010-04-21T12:04:58-05:00

4.19.2010

This morning—after an unexpected detour in Fort Myers, three hours sitting on a runway, and a mad dash to Aerosur Flight 558—I arrived in Cochabamba, Bolivia, for the first day of the World People’s Conference on Climate Change and Mother Earth Rights (PWCCC). Despite the sleep deprivation and traveling frustrations, the members of the New York delegation were in remarkably high spirits; in fact, everyone in the city seems to be in remarkably high spirits. I’ve already had the opportunity to meet some of the most incredible, passionate people I’ve ever encountered, and it’s only the first day. The New York delegation consists of about 40 people, some of whom are here independently, some of whom are here representing organizations, institutions, and media outlets.

This diverse group of individuals includes a youth organizer from Harlem, a volunteer from Sustainable South Bronx, and a blogger from Brooklyn. I’ve also connected with many people who don’t hail from the five boroughs. It seems that most of the conference attendees are South American—and many of them are indigenous. Word on the streets (of Cochabamba) is that there are 20,000 people registered for the conference. Last evening, I had the privilege of speaking on a panel with two activists from India, members of Beyond Copenhagen (BC). I sat with Ajay Jha, Director of PAIRVI (Public Advocacy Initiatives for Rights and Values in India) and Soumya Dutta (National Convenor of the BJVJ), and discussed the implications of the industrialization of agriculture, for Indian farmers, communities, and consumers. In the two-hour panel, we discussed the growth of the meat and dairy sector; the influence of the United States and other western nations on Indian culture; and the impact of an individual’s daily choices on global climate change.

One of the key messages that each of the speakers—and the audience members who participated in the post-panel Q & A session—emphasized was the importance of supporting local agriculture and building a political system that supports the rights of family farmers. My speech focused on the climate impacts of meat production in India, the globalization that has brought companies like KFC and McDonald’s to the developing world, and the animal welfare issues surrounding factory farming.

I think we built an engaging dialogue around India, even though there weren’t any South Asian delegates in the audience. I learned a lot about India, especially regarding the government’s policies on CDMs—Clean Development Mechanism projects. I also learned that speaking through an interpreter—say one sentence, pause, another sentence, pause—is much harder than one might think. Stay tuned: there’s more to come from Cochabamba.

Viva la Pachamama!

raien — 2010-04-21T12:04:41-05:00

4.20.2010

The Bolivian sun was hot today—even at 9am—and my shoulders are more than a little sunburned. Although the World People’s Conference on Climate Change and the Rights of Mother Earth[1] began yesterday, with working group planning sessions and self-organized panels, the official inauguration was held today, in the Tiquipaya Municipal Stadium. (Almost all of the conference events take place at a university in Tiquipaya, a small town bordering Cochabamba.) The event commenced with a variety of performances from South African musicians—from Bolivia, Peru, Argentina, Uruguay, etc. After a prayer to Pachamama and several dance performances by indigenous groups wearing white robes and feathered headdresses, President Evo Morales joined the rest of the conference’s most influential political leaders and civil society attendees on the stage.

Along with other members of the New York delegation, I arrived at the stadium more than an hour before the event began. We were concerned about getting seats, since the inauguration was open to the public, in addition to the 20,000 conference participants. The stadium was packed, but I think I could have slept for another hour without worry. We ended up with great seats—fourth row from the front, right in the middle—but also ended up sitting in the blazing sun for longer than necessary. I’m hoping that my reddened shoulders and ears will fade to a brown tan by tomorrow, but the heat radiating from my skin indicates that this may be wishful thinking. Consequently, I also learned how to say sunscreen in Spanish today: Protector solar!

Although the few Spanish words I know have started coming back to me as I navigate around Tiquipaya and the conference site, I know that being an English-speaker has placed me at a disadvantage. In addition to the frustrations encountered in face-to-face interactions, many of the events have not been translated from Spanish. At the inauguration, only the speakers who addressed the audience in English were translated—and there were only three of them. The conference has an incredible number of indigenous participants, and many other attendees hail from South America, so for most this wasn’t a problem. However, as Bolivian President Evo Morales cracked jokes and the audience laughed and applauded, I felt frustrated and left out. When he held up a wool poncho and a plastic one (which looked ridiculously flimsy in comparison), I greatly appreciated the visual demonstration, but I wish I could have heard his words. I expected most of the speeches to be presented in Spanish only, but I had hoped that the President’s address would be translated. My guess is that 95% of the audience spoke Spanish, but I know I wasn’t the only one struggling to understand.

As a result, my experience of the event was somewhat fragmented. Obviously I understood the three English presenters—a Native American woman from the United States, an African man representing an indigenous network, and Soumya Dutta from India (whom I shared the stage with yesterday, at the panel on Bringing Agriculture into Climate Change Negotiations[2])—but they were introduced in Spanish, so I was unable to catch their names. I expected to look up the speakers’ names and titles online this evening, but the lack of media coverage on the conference is shocking. I couldn’t find a single mention in the New York Times and only two articles in the Guardian[3], written earlier this week.

Despite the language barrier and the threat of sunstroke (we were sitting outdoors for over 5 hours), I was inspired by what I heard and saw. The Native American woman from the US, who focused on the plight of indigenous people in the face of imperialism and corporate interests, said, “The people who can change the world are here.” There’s one thing for sure: The people at this conference are not the same people who attended COP-15 in Copenhagen. Many of them are local Cochabambans; many of them (including several members of the NY delegation) are international participants who just received their first passports in time for this event. Amid chants of “Evo! Evo!”, I felt the incredible energy of the audience, most of whom—dressed in brightly colored traditional garb—were not the crowd one might expect to encounter at a global climate change conference. However, these are the people who have felt the effects of climate change in their everyday lives, and now they have the opportunity to share their stories and participate in a global dialogue. Hopefully, this people’s conference will succeed where Copenhagen failed and bring groups together under a universal declaration on climate change and the rights of Mother Earth. Even if an agreement isn’t reached, I hope that this event will shape the direction of COP-16[4], taking place in Cancun later this year, and establish a more accessible, inclusive model for global climate meetings.

[1] http://pwccc.wordpress.com/

[2] http://brightergreen.org/entry.php?id=201

[3] http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/bolivia

[4] http://www.sourcewatch.org/index.php?title=COP16

Implementing the Rights of Mother Earth

raien — 2010-04-25T06:04:33-05:00

4.21.2010

It’s hard to believe that today is the third — the penultimate — day of the World People’s Conference on Climate Change and Mother Earth Rights. I've learned a lot and met some incredible people, but I wish I could be in two places, maybe even three, at once. There are so many interesting events, but it's impossible to attend all of them. However, thanks to some last minute rescheduling today, I was able to attend a strategy session called, "Implementing the Rights of Mother Earth Locally: A Viable Strategy for Frontline Communities." Speakers included Shannon Biggs (Director of the Community Rights Program for Global Exchange), Mari Margil (Associate Director of the Community Environmental Legal Defense Fund — CELDF), and, the icing on the (vegan) cake, Cormac Cullinan (South African lawyer and author of Wild Law: Protecting Biological and Cultural Diversity).

I was especially excited to hear Mr. Cullinan speak since I've been working on an upcoming Brighter Green project that focuses on the rights of nature, wild law, and earth jurisprudence. Not only did I get to hear him speak, but I was also able to ask him a few questions after the presentation — I even got a picture with him. I also caught Mari Margil from CELDF, who allowed me to ask her about how agriculture and factory farming fit into the larger issues of nature's rights and animal welfare. (Stay tuned for the soundbytes from these brief interviews, to be uploaded soon!)

Mr. Cullinan began his address with an allegory about a caterpillar: "There is no future for the caterpillar who eats and eats and eats without limits." Luckily, the caterpillar's DNA contains a mechanism that drives the tiny worm to stop eating and weave a cocoon around its body, preparing for a great transformation. Like the caterpillar, we are nearing a great transition. As human beings, and members of the Earth community, we must mobilize and unite to protect the Mother Earth and all of her creatures; we must "establish a new DNA for society" that is not based on colonialism, domination, exploitation, and treating the Earth like a machine. Cullinan asserts that we must do more than change existing laws - we must overhaul the paradigms and philosophies that the legal system is based on. Mari Margil's work with CELDF in the US, Bolivia, and elsewhere also follows this idea.

According to Margil, the existing system of law in human society denies nature the barest inalienable rights. In September 2008, with the help of advisors from CELDF, the country of Ecuador ratified a new Constitution, which grants rights and legal protection to nature. To most, this is progressive. In fact, to most, this is probably radical. Until society undergoes a necessary paradigm change, the mainstream will be unable to accept Pachamama as an entity deserving preservation for its own sake and a presence in 'human' courts.

no subject

raien — 2010-04-29T02:04:59-05:00

Serious fucking problems.

no subject

raien — 2010-04-29T05:04:15-05:00

big big trouble.

no subject

raien — 2010-05-02T03:05:52-05:00

Pulled a muscle in my back while coughing.

Seriously.

I've never had back pain like this.

It's fucking awful.

Thank god for percocets.

no subject

raien — 2010-05-03T04:05:23-05:00

I have the attention span of a flea. (That's probably insulting to fleas.)

I really need to finish my thesis.

I'm moving to Micronesia in July, to volunteer with World Teach for one year. Wowza.

no subject

raien — 2010-05-07T12:05:49-05:00

I have 9 hours to finish my thesis. HA.

no subject

raien — 2010-05-07T01:05:32-05:00

Oh, I'm fucked.

no subject

raien — 2010-05-07T04:05:41-05:00

I think I may be addicted to procrastination.
And allergic to writing my thesis.

no subject

raien — 2010-05-09T09:05:46-05:00

Once I finish my thesis, I'll be done with college.
I am so ready to be done with this shit.
Just need to edit chapters 2 and 3, then write the conclusion. I've got about 60 pages now, about 15 pages to go. UGH. Hopefully I'll get chapter 2 done tonight and then finish the rest tomorrow night, into Tuesday morning (when it's due).
I mean it was really due two weeks ago, but Tuesday is the absolute last day I can turn it in.
I suck at deadlines.

no subject

raien — 2010-05-11T02:05:11-05:00

I've been sitting at my computer for five hours. Procrastinating.

My thesis is due tomorrow.

I mean, it's seriously due.

Like, if I don't turn it in tomorrow I'm not going to graduate.

Ahahahahahahaha

Throw myself under a fucking train.

no subject

raien — 2010-05-11T04:05:27-05:00

Neverrrrr
Ending
Thesisssss

rwhgpiauerhtpuaerhopaehf
iutyiefhkadlnfg385738urpoisdh

Down to the wire

raien — 2010-05-11T05:05:30-05:00

Finish chapter 3 revisions by 8am (5 pages to go)
Finish conclusion by 1:30pm (at least 10 pages...great...)
Finish works cited/formatting/appendix/abstract by 3:30
Bind/copy thesis by 4:00
Submit by 4:15

Why why why why do I do this every time time time time?

no subject

raien — 2010-05-11T10:05:27-05:00

Third chapter is edited.

6-pages of references completed (!!!).

Now I have 4 hours to write a 15-page conclusion. And an abstract. And organize the appendix. And format the paper.

HA.

no subject

raien — 2010-05-11T04:05:47-05:00

Woah I'm DONE WITH COLLEGE.

Cool.

no subject

raien — 2010-05-15T08:05:06-05:00

Well

The bottle says "Eat Me"

But if I eat them all

I'll have a seizure (at least one)

Maybe it's time to go home

no subject

raien — 2010-05-18T03:05:56-05:00

As of today, I am a graduate of Columbia University.

WOAH.

a beginning and an end

raien — 2010-05-18T11:05:36-05:00

The Empire State Building is blue and white for MY graduation.

what now bitches

no subject

raien — 2010-05-20T01:05:06-05:00

Has anyone else been having trouble posting photos on Mindsay? I've been trying, but it keeps telling me the files are too big, even when they're only like 60KB.

What's up with this?

no subject

raien — 2010-05-20T03:05:26-05:00

No more bro out, no more courtesy of apple. Soon fabulous muscles will be gone too. Times are changin. I'm going to miss this place.

no subject

raien — 2010-06-09T01:06:01-05:00

So one of the big problems with being in Maryland

Is this guy

Who for some reason, I always end up going back to

When I know

Without Doubt

That he will be an ASSHOLE

every time.

Not bitter. I've known he was a jerk since the day I met him-- not sure if that's why I like(d) him. Or not.
But ugh. My own stupidity. Time to move the fuck on.

And then there's this nice, smart guy who digs me...but I just don't take him seriously.
What a mess. I need to get a grip. And go to the gym.

lone wolf

raien — 2010-07-08T02:07:38-05:00

How did I end up this way?
Better question: Will I always be this like this?

One week from today...

raien — 2010-07-08T10:07:26-05:00

I will be on my way to Micronesia!

no subject

raien — 2010-07-11T10:07:01-05:00

Four days!

no subject

raien — 2010-07-13T12:07:50-05:00

Only 3 days left and my to-do list is still so long. Ahhhhh.

Journey to Pohnpei

raien — 2010-07-27T02:07:23-05:00

I’ve been in Pohnpei for just over a week and I’m already in love with this place. The people are unbelievably welcoming, the views are absolutely breathtaking, and my fellow WorldTeach volunteers are great company. I know that teaching high school here is going to be very difficult (the system is even more dysfunctional than I could have imagined), but I’m looking forward to the challenge. I’ve been here for eight days, but it feels like much longer. I don’t envision myself staying here forever (I can’t imagine staying in any place for that long), but I can’t wait to explore every corner of this tiny island—and a year might not be enough time. However, it’s surely too soon to tell.

I said goodbye to my mum, dad, brother, dog, and two rats on Thursday the 15th and flew from BWI to LAX, where I met the other six Pohnpei volunteers and ten volunteers destined for Kosrae, a nearby island. At 6:00ish our flight took off and we flew over the Pacific for about five hours before landing in Honolulu, Hawaii. We had an overnight layover on the island, so after collecting our luggage we took a shuttle to our hotel near the airport. I had never been to Hawaii so I was hoping to have a late night beer on the beach, but our driver told us that the nearest beach was a $25 cab ride away, so we settled for a couple of drinks in the hotel bar (which was complete with blinking Christmas lights and cheesy karaoke courtesy of two vocally talented native Hawaiians). We didn’t celebrate for too long though, because we had to leave the hotel at 4:00 the next morning for our 6:00 flight.

Our journey from Honolulu to Pohnpei was technically a direct flight (we never changed planes), but we made several stops along the way. After the first five hour stretch, we landed in Majuro, in the Marshall Islands. Landing on this narrow atoll was somewhat shocking, as the island is hardly wider than the runway itself—as we prepared to touch down, I had to peer out the bottom of the window to make sure that we were truly going to land on solid ground. We were allowed to disembark here, so we spent twenty minutes on Majuro, snapping photos and gazing at the ocean. An hour later we stopped at Kwajalein, a US Army base in the Marshalls; here we were not allowed to get off the plane. Next stop: Kosrae. I was sad to say goodbye to the Kosrae volunteers, but relieved to be approaching our final destination. Perhaps we’ll reunite during our winter break, although the cost of flights between the islands is outrageous. Kosrae is smaller and less developed than Pohnpei, with a population of about 6,500, compared to Pohnpei’s 35,000.

At about 2pm on Saturday, July 17th (we crossed the dateline), our plane landed on Pohnpei island—my home for the next year. The view as we descended was incredible—photos coming soon. The seven of us collected our bags (nothing lost along the way, thank god) and I hefted my two 50-pound suitcases to the airport’s arrival gate. Here we were met by our field director, Amy Delyla Ulm, and her assistant Jonathan, who were both volunteers last year. My host mum, Clara, was also there to greet me; she placed three flower wreaths on my head (called “mar-mars” in Pohnpeian, for warding off evil spirits while traveling). After tossing our belongings into the back of a pickup truck—I was glad to see that I didn’t have the most luggage of all the volunteers—we left the airport and headed to our homestays in Kolonia.

Clara’s house is small and old, but very cozy. The ceiling is falling down in a few places, so I hope I have the chance to help her fix it before I leave. Upon arrival at her home, I was introduced to my two host sisters, Clara’s nieces Letecia (age 8) and Destiny (age 6). Although I was warned that most Micronesian children are very shy around menwai (westerners), these two girls are anything but timid. They seem to be a little bit obsessed with me, despite my fairly intense aversion to children. They’re very interested in everything I do and everything I brought with me, especially my jewelry and makeup. I just try not to lose it when Destiny slathers my favorite Chanel eyeshadow all over her face (an item that I certainly cannot buy on island).

After meeting the kids and depositing my heavy bags in my room, Clara fed me a delightful spread: papaya, pineapple, breadfruit, coconut milk, fried bananas, muffins, and sweet rolls. Needless to say, I’m going to have to exercise a lot while I’m here if I don’t want to leave Pohnpei 50-pounds heavier. Food is a huge part of Pohnpeian culture and refusing it is a great insult (this is one place where taking candy from strangers is recommended). Tired after my mini feast, I went to my room to rest. I lay down on my very comfortable king-sized bed, which is totally unnecessary but great nonetheless. My heavy eyelids closed and didn’t reopen for 14 hours; I woke up at 7:00 the next morning, very confused about what time and day it was.

I was a little embarrassed that I had spent the whole day sleeping rather than spending time with my host family, but Clara didn’t seem to be fazed. She prepared me a huge breakfast of white rice, ramen, eggs, muffins, and fruit. (Diabetes and obesity are a huge problem on the island now, especially since most of the food is imported and highly processed.) I ate as much as I could, but there was still a lot of food on my plate when I finished. Then I unpacked my suitcases. In the second bag, I noticed a white grainy powder on some of my clothes. As I removed the neatly folded items (thanks, mum) from the suitcase, I realized that this grainy substance was covering everything. I hesitantly lifted a shirt to my face and licked it. Shit—all of my clothing and brand new SCUBA gear was coated in a thorough dusting of Crystal Lite, which was quickly becoming lemonade in the Pohnpeian humidity. I think everything else in my suitcase was packaged neatly in Ziploc bags (again, thanks mum), except I had tossed the Crystal Lite packets in last minute—so it goes. Clara kindly helped me rinse off my gear and promised that she would wash my clothes later. I insisted that I would do my own laundry, but she wouldn’t hear it. Clara is truly incredible; she takes care of Letecia and Destiny, her 91-year-old mother, and her 40-year-old son. She’s also an OBGYN nurse at the Kolonia hospital.

At noon, the WorldTeach volunteers gathered at Amy Delyla’s house for lunch and an introduction to our three-week orientation. We met Liz Terk, a former WT volunteer who served during the program’s pilot year and now lives on island with her Pohnpeian boyfriend. After pizza and cucumber salad, we went on a tour of the entire island (which is about 120 square miles of land, not including the outer islands). We visited each of our teaching and living sites, where we’ll reside after the end of orientation. I’ll be living in a neighborhood called Porakied with a girl named Leora, who graduated from Colby College in 2007 and has been working in healthcare consulting for the last three years. We didn’t get to go inside our new house, but apparently it has four bedrooms, new appliances, and one air conditioning unit. Both of us will be teaching at PICS High School; she’ll be teaching English and I’ll be teaching math. Two other volunteers, Matt and Maureen, will also be living in Kolonia; they’ll be teaching health science and math at the College of Micronesia, Pohnpei Campus (COM).

We finished our tour of Kolonia (which is very small) and headed to Kitti, an outer municipality. Two WorldTeach volunteers, Jen and Tim, are stationed here; they’re a couple who met in the Peace Corps in Malawi. We did go inside their house, which was, frankly, a mess. One of the rooms was filled with at least six inches of water and there were huge spiders everywhere. (But, good to know, there are no poisonous spiders or snakes on Pohnpei.) Their landlord has promised to fix everything before they move in, but if not they’ll be relocated to another house in Kitti. We visited their high school down the road, where there was a neighborhood baseball game and a group of children climbing on the school’s roof. Kids here seem to be pretty resilient—they’re always hanging out in the middle of the road and waving machetes at each other (no joke, I saw a kid wearing a diaper and wielding a machete).

Another WorldTeach volunteer, Will (a surfer/snow boarder from southern California), will be living and teaching in Madolenihmw, on the eastern side of Pohnpei. He was supposed to be living with a volunteer who dropped out of the program, but he chose to live by himself in Madolenihmw, rather than relocating to Kolonia. I for one am very happy to have a roommate—I might go insane if I was living in an outer municipality by myself. At the end of our tour we stopped at Awak Pah Marine Park to swim and snorkel. The water was very clear and shockingly warm for ocean water. There were lots of colorful fish and enormous sea cucumbers, some at least four feet long. We stayed long enough to watch a gorgeous sunset, my first sunset in Pohnpei. It was absolutely beautiful (as most sunsets are). When I got back to Clara’s, I had dinner and then a dance party with Letecia and Destiny—we grooved to Lady Gaga, Beyonce, and Rihanna, although they were very disappointed that there wasn’t any Justin Bieber on my iPod.

Orientation: The Beginning

raien — 2010-07-27T02:07:51-05:00

On Monday morning, I woke up at 7:00 for the start of orientation. I showered, ate breakfast, and started walking to PICS. Although I successfully navigated my way from Clara’s to Amy Delyla’s the day before, I was not so lucky this morning—I got horribly lost. (Which was, in part, due to a flipped street sign, I would later learn.) Amy found me walking (the wrong way) down Daini Street and she drove me the rest of the way to PICS. I was embarrassed and ticked off, since I’d woken up early so I wouldn’t be late, but I got over it pretty quickly and no one gave me a hard time about it. We all met in the room that will soon be my classroom—and it’s a mess. One of the windows is missing, so it’s been broken into. Amy warned me that I might walk in on students having sex on the floor when I arrive in the morning. The ceiling is covered in cobwebs and, when we arrived, someone had written “fuck you and me” all over the blackboard (which I found oddly poetic).

Our first session focused on logistical issues and we learned, for the first time, about some of the things that happened with last year’s WorldTeach volunteers. Apparently, it was a bit of a disaster and the seven of us are responsible for restoring WorldTeach’s reputation on the island. We had to sign a contract with two stipulations: 1. If we get into a fight with a local, we get sent home (losing our deposit and our return ticket); 2. If we go to Club Kintaro, we get sent home (losing our deposit and return ticket). Club Kintaro is a brothel and, apparently, it’s the only place open after 2am—and there’s karaoke. Amy says that some of the ex-pats are going to try and get us to go there, so we’ll have to firmly decline unless we want to get kicked out of WorldTeach. And she says she’s serious. I don’t have any particular desire to go to a brothel (and I really don’t think fighting with locals will be a problem), but the ultimatum seems a little harsh. However, I cannot imagine how I would explain to my parents that I got fired for hanging out at a brothel, so I plan on staying away.

After reviewing rules and procedures for a few hours in the hot classroom at PICS, we broke into two groups and went on a scavenger hunt around Kolonia. We all got bank accounts at the Bank of Guam, where our living stipends will be deposited. We also learned why kids often come to class with sticky red hands (from eating uncooked ramen mixed with Kool Aid—yum) and how Pohnpeians chew betel nut (with the end of a cigarette, crushed coral, and a pepper leaf). I was in bed by 8:00, but I managed to finish reading The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest before I fell asleep. I also had time for a photoshoot with Letecia and Destiny, the first of many. Whenever Pohnpeian kids have their photo taken, the gang signs go up. It’s not so bad when they throw a peace sign, but every so often you get the shocker.

On Tuesday morning, Amy gave us a crash course in Pohnpeian; our regular language teacher couldn’t come in until Wednesday. We learned some basic greetings (“Kaselehie” means hello) and other useful words (“Ih med” means I’m full—which should prove very helpful). We also reviewed evacuation procedures, in the unlikely event of a typhoon or tsunami. After lunch, we headed to COM for the second part of the day. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to be teaching at PICS, but the conditions at COM are much better. The teachers (who must have Masters degrees) have an air conditioned office and SmartBoards in their classrooms—I can’t even hope for an overhead projector, lights, or a working ceiling fan. (Note: While I was lying on my bed, typing this, a baby gecko crawled up my shorts. At first I thought it was a roach. I guess a lizard is better? I love Pohnpei.)

Breakfast on Wednesday included donuts (they love them here), sweet rolls, ramen, and green tangerines, which are absurdly delicious. During our morning session at PICS, people were mowing the lawn outside the building the entire time, while it was pouring rain. It was pretty hard to listen to our language lesson. I sure wish they would fix the window in my classroom instead of fussing with landscaping. After lunch, the US Ambassador to the FSM met with us at PICS. Ambassador Prahur has been in Pohnpei for about six months; he was previously stationed in Russia. Improving the educational system is one of his main objectives, so he had a lot of interesting things to say to us. We also discussed the Compact of Free Association between the US and the FSM and how this shapes relations between the two countries. The US gives the FSM about $130 million per year under the Compact, which equals about $1000 per person. The FSM has a 2.1% growth rate and a 2% out-migration rate, mostly to the United States; there are about 40,000 Micronesian immigrants living in the US. He also talked about some environmental and natural resource issues in the FSM. Reef fish are being fished at about 149% of sustainable levels. This is for local consumption; they’re not being exported. The problem is that fish is one of the few healthy things people eat here—so the solution isn’t to get people to eat less fish. Another major stress on the marine ecosystems here is human and animal waste entering the water—people often keep their pigs right next to the lagoon. This is such a beautiful place and it’s being destroyed, not out of malice but out of ignorance, and out of a lack of viable alternatives.

On Thursday I woke up at 6:00 to go for a run, wearing my new Five Finger Shoes. Whew, I am out of shape. Not to mention how hot and humid it is here, which didn’t help my speed or stamina. I ran for about 40 minutes (I walked for part of it, I’ll admit) and then headed back to Clara’s for a shower and breakfast. Today’s language lesson at PICS focused on counting, which is way more complicated in Pohnpeian than it is in English (and most other languages). First we learned one through ten: Ehu, riau, siluh, pahieu, limau, wenou, isuh, waluh, duau, eisek! Then, much to our dismay, we learned that Pohnpeian actually has twelve (eisek riau) counting systems. In addition to the regular system, there are different words for counting people and animals, long objects, round objects, objects used to tie things together, etc. Ridiculous. I’m just going to learn the standard method and let the Pohnpeians laugh at me when I count a basket of coconuts incorrectly.

Later we were joined by two former PICS students, MC and Jovie, who were in Amy Delyla’s English class last year. They were both very shy, but they warmed up a bit and we discussed their experiences at PICS, in Pohnpei, and life in general. MC has six kids in his family, which is about average, and Jovie has fourteen, all from the same mum and dad. And I couldn't get along with one sibling when I was growing up! (Although James and I are great friends now, obviously)

In the afternoon, I gave a presentation on teaching with visual aids; each volunteer is giving a presentation this week, on a different teaching topic. I think it went well, but I’m still glad that I wasn’t being graded. At the end of the day we went for a drive around Kolonia and ended up at Cupid’s, a bar and restaurant with an incredible view over the ocean—and free breadfruit chips. We stayed for most of happy hour, taking advantage of the $1 beers and $1 tequila shots (which I suspect were a bit watered down, though that doesn’t mean I left especially sober).

I had every intention of going for a run on Friday morning, despite the excess of $1 shots the night before, but when I woke up at 6:00 it was pouring rain. It rains every day, but it’s certainly not unpleasant; the rain is warm and it usually makes the rest of the day cooler. But it really poured today; it didn’t stop until mid-afternoon. The rain was streaming through Clara’s roof into a large tub stationed on the kitchen floor. After our morning language lesson with Taylor—who teaches history at COM—we met with Michaela Corr, a former World Teach volunteer and Field Director who now works for the US Embassy in Pohnpei. She talked about her experiences here—as a woman, as a menwai, as an ex-pat—and answered our questions about life in Pohnpei and her job at the Embassy, where she does public relations, diplomacy, and educational outreach. We had afternoon TEFL classes at COM, then we went to Leora’s homestay, which is also a sakau market.

Sakau. In short, it’s pretty gross. It’s the color of mud and feels like a gritty egg yolk in your mouth. Delicious, right? The taste isn’t terrible—I’d much rather drink a glass of sakau than a glass of straight vodka—but the consistency is rather unpleasant. It’s narcotic and people here drink it all the time; heavy users are called sakau-heads. When you’re drunk on sakau, it’s called being “sakau-la.” When you’re hungover after a night of drinking sakau, it’s called being “on sakau.” At the sakau market, you watch the sakau being made: They pound out the sakau root on a large stone, then they wrap it in hibiscus vines (the same thing you make a grass skirt with) and wring it out; the hibiscus gives it the mucusy texture. The sakau server comes to your table and passes you the cup—unless you’re a woman, then you drink last. Then you pass it back to the server, who wipes the rim of the coconut cup and hands it to the next person. Neither delicious nor hygienic. Not to mention that everyone around is chewing betel nut and hawking mad loogies constantly. Mmmm. Tim tried betel nut; he did not recommend it. I drank quite a bit of sakau, but I didn’t feel the effects. Apparently you have to drink it a few times before you feel it, and then you have to drink less of it to get sakau-la. So I guess I’ll have to try it again. Yay. Really, smoking a J seems much more pleasant and efficient.

I didn’t have any negative effects from the sakau, but several other volunteers had some stomach issues, which was pretty miserable since we all went on a hike at 9:00 the next morning. We met at the gas station on Kasalehlie Street, then Amy and Jonathan drove us to the base of Sokeh’s Ridge. The hike was very steep, but fairly short; it took us about an hour to get to the top, including a stop in the middle to look at some tanks left over from WWII. The view from the top was breathtaking. I wore my Five Finger Shoes, which were very comfortable (except when walking over sharp rocks). Seeing the barrier reef from the ridge made me itch to throw on my wetsuit and BCD, but I think I’ll have to wait until orientation is over—my schedule is packed for the next two weeks.

I came back to Clara’s after the hike and jumped in the shower, eager to wash my sweaty body. I started shaving my legs and cut the shit out of myself before I realized that the blade on my razor was upside down—Destiny. It might have been Letecia, but I’m pretty sure it was Destiny. I could kill them both. I love Clara and the girls are precious, but they are both nightmares sometimes. I can’t sit in my room or take a shower for longer than three minutes without one of them yelling, “Wheeeeeetneeeeeey! What are you doinggggg?” I might have to change my name. This is major character building. People keep telling me that the more time I spend around little kids the more I’ll like them, but I’m pretty convinced that they’re wrong. Peace Corps volunteers here live in homestays for two years—I wouldn’t make it. There’s no way.

Everyone showered and then we reconvened at the Catholic Church in Kolonia, which is the home of Father Hezel and MicronesiaSeminar, an organization dedicated to cataloguing the history of Micronesia—they have a huge library, which I’ll probably revisit if I end up doing a project on climate change in the region. (WT volunteers are asked to do weekly projects in addition to their teaching work; I may also do some research for Brighter Green while I’m here.)

On Saturday night, after a couple of drinks at the Rusty Anchor, we went to a party at the home of a former WT volunteer who served in the Marshall Islands; we were the guests of honor. We met a lot of ex-pats and Peace Corps volunteers. The hostess, Lihla, now works for the Micronesian Conservation Trust. It seems that there are a lot of opportunities here for conservation work, which is good news for me, especially if I decide to stay here after my assignment is over. The party was really fun and I’m going to enjoy getting to know these people better. A lot of the menwai here have great stories to tell—everyone has a unique reason for ending up in Pohnpei. However, it is a very small community; there’s not a huge selection of hot guys, for instance. But, seriously, pretty much everyone I’ve met here—both menwai and locals—has been incredibly welcoming and open, so I’m really looking forward to making friends on Pohnpei.

It's hard to believe I've been here for a month

raien — 2010-08-11T06:08:02-05:00

Don’t worry, I haven’t fallen off the edge of the earth or been washed away into the Pacific Ocean. I just haven’t been blogging. Hopefully, now that the school year is starting, I’ll be online more regularly and I’ll be able to amuse my readers with all of my Pohnpeian escapades on a weekly basis (at least). Orientation is finally over and I’m in the process of moving into my new house; I spent three hours today cleaning termite shit out of the kitchen cabinets and scubbing gecko poop off the stove. The house looks great though, and I think my roommate and I will be moving in tomorrow. I’ll definitely miss my host family (the little girls have grown on me, just a bit), but I’m sure I’ll see them around—it’s a small place—and hopefully I’ll be invited back for dinner every so often.

Let’s see, it really has been a while since I’ve blogged… Two weekends ago, we had a couple of big adventures. On Saturday, we went on a 6-hour hike called Six Waterfalls. It was awesome—and steeped in danger—I loved it. At the start of the hike, we walked for about an hour and a half into the jungle—dense, wet, slippery jungle. Very slippery. It wasn’t long before we were falling all over the place, coating ourselves in beautiful red mud. Finally we reached the first waterfall, where we stopped for a swim. It wasn’t a huge waterfall, but it was lovely, nonetheless (as all waterfalls seem to be), with a delightful pool at the bottom, surprisingly warm. Then we crossed the river for the first time, wading carefully over algae-covered rocks. My five-finger shoes served me well; I frequently found myself gripping the rocks with my toes, which were kindly available thanks to my freaky, aqua-blue shoes. We stopped again at the second waterfall, which was taller than the first and more majestic, perhaps. However, the pool at its base was not as deep, so the swimming was not as good (though who can complain?). The third waterfall was right after the second, so we didn’t stop, just admired its rushing waters as we passed.

At the fourth waterfall, we stopped for lunch. It had been raining intermittently all day, but at this point it began to pour, persistently. Mmmm, soggy peanut butter and jelly! We crossed the river twice more before reaching the fifth fall; our guides (we had about five people with us, including a boy less than 10 years old, who was the most fearless of all) helped us across with a long nylon rope, which they tied around their waists while standing stoically on the other bank, as we waded clumsily across the riverbed. We didn’t stop at this waterfall, but hurried on towards the sixth—the most incredible of all—as the water level was rising. To reach the sixth fall, one must swim through a narrow channel with a swift current and a smooth rock wall lining both sides. Since the river was high, our guides used the rope to pull us through. I’m a very strong swimmer and there’s no way I could have made it through without the rope—I did try. I was the first hiker through the channel and I climbed out of the water, scrambled over some rocks (whacking my shin on the way, the scar is currently in progress), and caught a glimpse of the final waterfall—striking, rushing, raging, stunning. Only Maureen and I had reached the waterfall when we heard our guides calling us from the far bank—everyone else had turned back. As we ourselves turned to look again at the sixth fall, it seemed to have grown within minutes. Uh oh, time to go.

At the channel, I watched Leora try to pass through while holding onto the nylon rope. She was sucked under and struggled to hold onto the bank. This did not seem to be a viable option. So I just decided to jump on in—I was sucked through faster than champagne out of a freshly popped bottle of bubbly—fun!!! At the other side, we all clambered onto the bank of the river, some of us worried about the danger of flash floods (though not me, stupidly or not—I was craving an adventure, as I often am). We had to cross the river several more times before we could leave its banks and return to the slippery jungle. When we passed the fourth waterfall, we noticed that the rocks where we sat and ate lunch were gone, submerged under the rushing brown water. Our pace quickened. The last crossing was the most treacherous. One of our guides (thank god we had so many, otherwise we never would have made it) fought his way across the river, grabbed each of us in turn, and held us tightly as we swung across to the opposite bank, while we fought to maintain our unsteady footing and keep our heads above the water. Really fun! Luckily, no one was hurt; it’s kind of a miracle, actually. The rest of the hike was a piece of cake, in comparison. We hiked back through the jungle, again, slipping in the mud and falling down hills. It was an incredible hike, one I would do again in an instant. Next time, hopefully the water will be lower and we’ll be able to jump off the sixth waterfall.

Despite an assortment of scrapes and bruises and some major muscle soreness, five of the volunteers gathered at 8am the following morning to head to Ahnd Atoll, for swimming, snorkeling, and beach-ing. Our boat captain, Allois (from Sao Paulo, Brazil) runs the Pohnpei Surf Club. During the 12-mile ride to Ahnd, it poured rain. Relentlessly. Matt and I cracked a 10am beer, because, I mean, whatever. It wasn’t as miserable as you might think, though. At one point, a pod of spinner dolphins swam along our bow wave; there might have been a hundred of them, it’s hard to know. It was a huge pod. And it was an incredible sight. Reaching the reef at Ahnd, we stopped for a snorkel to get out of the rain. We swam along the beautiful reef, which stretched at least 90 feet down—I was itching to dive and get down there (soon, soon). Snorkeling at the surface wasn’t bad though, even though the skies were clouded and the tide was going out, reducing the visibility.

After climbing back into Allois’ boat, we beached it on Ahnd. And then, the skies cleared and the rain stopped. It ended up being a beautiful day. We sat on the beach for hours and explored the small, uninhabited island. I saw my first coconut crab; the underside of its shell was bright purple. Jerry, Allois’ first mate—scampered up a palm tree, with a machete between his teeth, and cut down some coconut for us, which we drank while sitting in the warm ocean. I learned that if you whisper to a hermit crab, it will come out of its shell. We snorkeled again on the way back, lingering this time. It’s a beautiful reef—I really, really can’t wait to dive there. We saw dolphins again on the way back to Pohnpei, flipping and reeling, leaving the water entirely and careening through the air. I know my brother, a dolphin lover since he could talk, would have loved it. It rained again on the way back, but it didn’t matter. Rain is just part of the air here. No one melts.

This weekend was another adventure. We spent Saturday night at Nalap, a small island a couple of miles off the coast of Pohnpei, to the southwest. It was so, so beautiful. The 10-minute boat ride costs $3, plus $5 for entry to the island and $5 to rent a naas (an outdoor house with a thatched roof, although this is not a great description). We swam, snorkeled, and volunteered at Allois’ kids surf camp. We also played with a tiny girl-puppy, aptly named Nalap. I read a lot and lounged in the shallows. I saw the most beautiful sunset I’ve watched in Pohnpei. We left late on Sunday and three of us rode back to Kolonia on the back of a flatbed truck, with about ten other people, some toddlers. It was awesome. A great view of the stars and it didn’t rain on us.

So now, I have this week off, before school starts on Monday. I’ll be teaching four classes of Algebra II, from 8:30 to 3:30, about 30 students in each class. I can’t say that I really feel prepared, but I’m more of a jump-on-in type of person anyway. It’s just like a waterfall: you can’t wade in slowly, you just have to leap. And hopefully I won’t land on a rock!

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name
Age
favorite song
Parents think	You're sleeping around
Strangers think	You're smart
Friends think	You're wonderful

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

What Makes You Sexy? by eva71
Name/NickName
Gender
Sexy Body Part Is	Your Hands
Special Talents Are	Blow Jobs

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

Tell Me About Your Sex Life? by electronicoffee
Username
Sexuality
Favorite Postion	Anything goes, as long as its rough
Secret Fetish	heavy machoism [take]
Age of Lost Virginity	15
Bedroom Talent	you are seductively submissive

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

W	Witty
H	Hot
I	Intelligent
T	Twisted
N	Nerdy
E	Energetic
Y	Yummy

FALL 07
AMST	BC3450	WOMEN AND LEADERSHIP	4.0	A
EESC	BC3016	ENVIRONMENTAL MEASUREMENTS	3.0	A-
SOCI	BC1003	INTRODUCTION TO SOCIOLOGY	3.0	A-
SOCI	BC3907	COMMUNITIES AND SOCIAL CHANGE	4.0	B+